


Simply Meant to Be

by BlackRoseEden



Category: Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-07
Updated: 2014-06-07
Packaged: 2018-02-03 19:00:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 40
Words: 176,363
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1754707
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlackRoseEden/pseuds/BlackRoseEden
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ciel  is a 20 yr student facing death from a disease he has lost all hope of surviving,  until a chance meeting with a handsome stranger begins to awaken a lust for life.  Looming  death, an uncertain future, a secret love affair and a family torn between acceptance and guilt. AU/OOC rated M for later chapters.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

October, NYC

For the past three years, on the first Saturday of every month, come hell or high water, Ciel Phantomhive would walk down Irving Place and stop in front of probably one of the more famous tea houses in New York City, Lady Mendl's.

A favorite among tea connoisseurs, this particular tea house boasts a gorgeous dark brownstone facade with wrought iron banisters and large double wooden doors. Large ornate windows decorated the front of the hundred year old tea house and once you stepped in, is when the magic of time and nostalgia would reveal itself to you. Much like the unwrapping of a gift, the grand foyer reveals an impressive fireplace and mantle while the numerous rooms are filled with Victorian styled paintings, dim lighting; dark wood furniture and a most exquisite collection of fine china tea sets.

A feast for mind body and soul, this was one of Ciel's most favored spots in the city. He had always fancied himself as "time misplaced". Yes, it was an odd phrase and yet he had no problem explaining his affinity to the Victorian Era to anyone willing to listen.

Even now, as he pulled out the silver pocket watch purchased from some antique shop in the East Village for a mere twenty dollars, Ciel expressed his appreciation of the elegant time period. Checking the time to see that his beloved best friend and cousin, Lizzie, was 20 minutes late for their monthly classic high tea that they attended.

Ciel sighed heavily and clicked the treasured timepiece closed before tucking it into the back pocket of his black pants. It never failed that after three years Lizzie still couldn't get there on time.

A warm autumn breeze softly ruffled his gleaming blue black bangs away from his large and searching eyes. Lizzie had once teased Ciel about his eyes "never being at rest", and perhaps she was right, he had thought. His eyes were at constant alert, skimming over every detail and every face that passed in front of him. Wide and almost doll like, the warm sapphire eyes wrapped around every action, questioning, inquiring, wondering, but depthless eyes that hid pain, fear and at that very moment...hopelessness.

The monthly ritual of the two cousins had become such ever since Ciel met his cousin one Saturday and pronounced to her that he was clear of his childhood leukemia. If he could go through a five year remission then he would look forward to a full life that could be considered almost cancer free.

Almost.

Lizzie had been so happy, thrilled and practically throwing roses into the air, when Ciel told her the incredible news. It took some gentle, yet firm, words to pry her thin (but inhumanly strong) arms from around his waist as she hugged, or crushed according to Ciel, her beloved cousin.

"We have to celebrate!" She squeaked holding his heart shaped face in her hands. "Just the two of us! It's time we do something different, something uniquely you, something to mark the day you start living again!"

Ciel smiled softly to himself, recalling the particular Saturday afternoon that Lizzie surprised him with a trip to the tea house. He had fallen in love with the decor, the spicy smells of fresh tea leaves, the plates of sweets, and the smiles and laughter his beautiful cousin had provided him. In truth, Lizzie was the only person he could gain any form of comfort and trust from, especially after having almost died.

Almost.

Vincent and Rachel Phantomhive wove their entire world into a tight and protective blanket around their only child and Ciel both gained and suffered from it.

He had been diagnosed at the age of 10 after sporting numerous large bruises on his legs and arms even without having done anything physically daunting. Coupled with fatigue and chronic nosebleeds, a red flag had unfurled itself within his Aunt Ann, a respected pediatrician at Columbia Presbyterian Hospital Seeing the bruises, she immediately sent Ciel to a renowned oncologist, Dr. William T. Spears.

It was true that the brilliant doctor lacked a warm bedside manner, but what he fell short in manners he more than made up for with his incredible knowledge of childhood cancers, new treatments and incredible support.

In response to the frightening news of his son's uncertain future, Vincent immersed himself into running his wildly successful company, effectively drowning himself in meetings and traveling. It was his only coping method, as if distancing himself from Ciel would make the cancer somehow nonexistent.

When Vincent was home he enjoyed his family and attempted to avoid any mention of Ciel's illness. In contrast, Rachel had ignored her own grief and met the challenge of a potentially fatal disease killing her son head on.

Ciel frowned now as he recalled early memories of his mother never leaving his side; forgoing her busy social life and friends in their wealthy and prestigious circle in order to cater to her adored child. His guilt for feeling like he "stole her life" was something he could never come to terms with.

At the time, he could only think about his own loneliness. He was not allowed play dates for fear his compromised immune system from those sickening rounds of chemotherapy would cause him to catch colds or some other illness. These colds could kill him, Ciel understood that, but the result was a life devoid of any lasting friendships among his peers because he had to be home schooled. That is until three years ago when he had received the all clear.

Lizzie was the only one allowed to remain close to him and he thanked whatever God he hoped existed for having her by his side.

Now Ciel stood at the front entrance of their cherished tea house, waiting for his ever late cousin. His eyes nervously flitting up and down the quiet street hoping to see a curly mop of brilliant golden hair coming to his direction.

How could he tell her? He wondered. How was he going to create the collection of words that would soon devastate Lizzie's world? He bit his bottom lip and looked down at his black shoes, they were brand new and for a brief and pained moment, he wondered how they would look against a white satin surface.

In a coffin, his mind whispered.

A shudder ran through his entire body and for a few terrible seconds, Ciel thought for sure that he was going to pass out. A dizzying wave washed over him and all he could do was shut his eyes tightly and will himself not to lose consciousness.

"Oh God, not now, not now." He muttered harshly to himself as he steadied his shaking form by gripping the cold metal banister with one hand. His free hand rubbed his sweaty face and he grit his teeth in order to suppress the sob slowly clawing its way up his throat. "My heart." He whimpered lowly as he clutched the left side of his chest.

First the dizziness, then the sweat, now the heart palpitations. All classic signs of the panic attacks that had assumed their vicious place in his life last night after returning from Dr. Spears' office.

His breath was becoming ragged and he was sure that his hands had turned ice cold. "I'm fine, I'm fine, please...God, not now. Not. Now." He begged weakly, knowing that there was no way he could allow Lizzie to see him like this.

No way she was to see him lose any bit of control because now was not the time to fall apart. Now was not the time to succumb to grief, no this was not acceptable. From a young age Ciel had known that his life was not a promise that could be 100% fulfilled. When you are diagnosed with leukemia, every year is considered a milestone of being alive.

Every year was filled with hospitals, doctors, platelet transfusions, scans, prayers, pain, fear, progress, setbacks, nausea, and his ivory skin littered with grotesque bruising from the tests and the cancer itself. No, Ciel was no weakling when it came to facing life and its uncertainties.

But he had lived with hope for three years. Three years of high teas, graduating high school and entering college, dating, making friends, planning his future as a famous photographer, enjoying New York; LIVING. He had two years left before successfully entering into remission and he had almost made it.

Almost.

Now here he was, standing in front of Lady Mendl's awaiting the arrival of his tardy cousin and fighting the urge to run back to his small apartment and relinquish any control to the panic attack threatening to overtake him in the middle of a New York City block on a warm autumn afternoon. He wanted to run and deny the news that he had received just the day before.

"Ciel, your white blood cell count is heavily elevated. The cancer has resurfaced". The memory of Dr. Spears voice echoing through his mind.

'Almost.' his mind quietly cried, 'Almost.'

"Excuse me, sir? Are you alright?"


	2. Chapter 2

Greetings my yummy candy skulls!

Thank you all for the lovely reviews!

Thank you Anime Cujo for being a beast at editing and for taking your time from your kick ass Fic "A Slow and Steady Seduction" to help me with this one.

You had me at Hello.

Anywhore,

Enjoy this new chapter, there's a tall, pale and handsome man entering the scene. Please Review!

A panic attack is a sudden and intense fear which triggers moderate to severe physical pain and discomfort.

To Ciel, it was a complete loss of control that ultimately would lead to embarrassment, shame and a general feeling of physical and emotional weakness. In other words, panic attacks were completely unacceptable to the stubborn young man, and yet he fell victim to these debilitating attacks whenever he thought about death.

His death.

"Excuse me, sir? Are you alright?"

Through the haze that had wrapped its suffocating arms around Ciel, a voice heavy with concern seemed to cut a straight path to his ears. With the need to break apart from the terror threatening to overtake him, Ciel forced his large eyes to snap open and with great difficulty lifted his head to look up at the man hovering over his small frame.

He was tall, very tall, and in the afternoon sun it seemed like his eyes were made of clear garnets, a waterfall of deep black hair spilled like ink along the sides of his face and as Ciel stood there in his own private hell he noticed how pale, not sickly pale, but more like porcelain, this stranger was.

It took a moment for Ciel to realize that he was not just panting for air,but blatantly staring at the man. Much to his dismay, a slow clenching feeling had begun to grip his heart.

"P...Pa...Panic..." Ciel forced out, clutching his chest.

"Panic attack?" The tall man politely finished for him.

Ciel shook his head rapidly and closed his eyes again. The stranger before him nodded in affirmation and before Ciel could attempt to croak out anymore information, he felt a large firm hand grasp the back of his damp neck while another hand gently gripped Ciel's free hand. A sudden warmth spread from his fingertips, permeating his shivering limbs.

"Look at me." The stranger commanded softly.

Ciel felt the powerful tone sift through his skin and sink deep into the darkness that was drowning him in a wave of numbness. It urged him, against his physical will, to slowly open his eyes. He would never, ever, forget what he saw.

"Red eyes." He whispered, his voice shaking as he gasped for air. A soft chuckle tumbled into his ear and it was then he realized that his cheek was pressed against the smooth surface of the tall male's face. A warm breath brushed against Ciel's ear as he stared at the stranger pressed closely against his trembling body.

"Breathe with me." He instructed gently. "In and out, in and out." Inhaling and exhaling as an example. "Slow it down and breathe with me."

Ciel drew a hesitant breath and fought to control the scream that curled into his chest, begging to be released like a frightened animal. His chest rose and fell in unison with the ebony haired man's, erratic heart pounding until he suddenly felt his breathing fall into a calming pattern.

In and out, in and out, breathe in, breathe out.

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

The heaviness of despair seemed to pour itself from Ciel's form, falling freely from his body with every breath; disappearing into the dark corners of his mind. They would never go completely away; no, they hid like jagged predators waiting for the moment Ciel would bare his most dreaded fear.

His death.

"is it over?" A smooth voice asked, making Ciel jump at the sound. Before hurriedly removing himself from the comforting embrace of the tall man.

Shame immediately replaced the panic he had suffered from mere seconds ago. Trusting that his balance was still intact, he released his hold on the wrought iron banister and rapidly brushed away wrinkles and creases from his dark gray jacket. Images of appearing disheveled crossed his mind so he combed his soft hair with his fingertips; hands still shaking.

The quick attempt to fix his appearance after such a display seemed to amuse the other male, a slight smirk rested easily on his lips as he watched the younger man with curious eyes. Ciel felt a hot blush invade his face and he cursed silently knowing that his ears were probably a bright cherry did not help that the stranger was stunningly handsome.

No, it did not help at all.

"I...I'm fine, well, now I'm fine." He thanked.

Grateful as he was to the stranger for his assistance, Ciel wanted to move on as quickly as possible from the scene he had just caused. The young college student was no weakling, but upon entering the dating scene so late in the game (his first kiss was just over a year ago) he had realized how unbelievably shy he was when it came to meeting new people. Especially handsome tall strangers with burning eyes.

Yes, especially those.

"Thank you...so much." Ciel whispered. "I normally don't have these in the middle of the day."

He cast his eyes down and bit his bottom lip imploring to the universe for Lizzie to please show up. She would save him, seize the moment with her charm, spark a conversation with this beautiful man and take all attention away from Ciel's flushed face. What was this awkward feeling?

"Sebastian." The tall man stated, pulling Ciel from his thoughts.

Ciel blinked, clearly confused. "Sebastian?"

The older male smiled. "Yes, that's my name, Sebastian. Sebastian Michaelis." He reached out his hand. "And you are...?"

"CIIIIEEEELL!"


	3. Chapter 3

Greetings my yummy candy skulls! Thank you all so flipping much for the DELISH reviews!

Once again, a big THANK YOU & much love to Anime Cujo for her sick editing skills, her masterful advice and unbelievable creativity oxox

Enjoy the ride!

"CIIIIIEEEEELLLL!" The high pitched voice squealed from down the block. Ciel's eyes widened at the voice piercing through the crowds.

Sonic booms were probably more subtle, he thought, completely ignoring Sebastian's outstretched hand.

It remained untouched, hanging uselessly in the air. Just as the taller male was about to say something a whirling frenzy of golden blond curls and zebra print pounced on Ciel like an over enthusiastic jungle creature.

"Lizzie!" Ciel cried. "What the Fu...?!"

"I'm so SOOORRYY!" Lizzie apologized, practically choking her older cousin's neck in a tight embrace. "I had to drop off my sketchbook at school and then my prick of a professor started talking to me about my midterm grade AND then he wanted to see more of my work so I had to log into my student file and download images from my..."

"Lizzie! Y-You're ch-cho-," he gasped. "I can't BREATHE!" Ciel finally wrenched his yammering cousin off himself and wearily rubbed his neck. "If you knew you were going to be late, why didn't you call my cell?"

Lizzie rolled her eyes. "Oh for Christ's sake, I'm always late, you know that!"

With an exasperated sigh Ciel made a conscience effort to not slap the blonde princess upside her head. And what the hell was she wearing?

Being a native New Yorker, Lizzie enjoyed the eclectic tastes of the city. In an effort to embrace the "natural side" of fashion, her wardrobe had most recently started consisting of animal prints (much to Ciel's chagrin) and today was no exception to her new fashion trend. Lizzie wore a simple black a line short sleeved dress with a thin autumn quarter length coat over it that boasted a bold bright white and deep black zebra print.

"You look like Alex the zebra from Madagascar." He quipped, barely able to contain the snickering.

A squeak of mock protest left the soft pink glossed lips. "You jerk! Seriously? How old are you?" She grabbed Ciel's jacket collar with both hands and shook him playfully. "What do you know about high fashion anyways, you bitchy hipster!"

A smile broke across his face and he looked upon the delicate features of his beloved friend and cousin. She was possibly the most important person in his life and here he was, contemplating on how to shatter her good mood. The comfort and support he felt from her washed over him and he wished he could just hold onto her, this moment with her, and not proceed with the eventual heartbreak he was about to deliver.

"In my proper opinion, that is quite a stunning and...exotic coat, young miss." A velvety voice purred from the side. "It certainly suits you well."

Ciel whirled around at the sound. He had completely forgotten about the handsome stranger who had just saved him from succumbing to a hellish panic attack only a few minutes ago. Blue eyes now took in the sight of the man before him; trailing over the body from which the silky voice emanated.

Staring first at the broad chest housed within a soft black V-neck shirt and black leather jacket, Ciel moved his immediate gaze upwards, admiring the long lean neck that led to a pale, chiseled, but gentle looking face. However, what really captured Ciel's attention the most were Sebastian's eyes. they were unlike anything he had ever seen. Deep dark scarlet, not brown, not hazel, but crimson red and incredibly beautiful.

How was he going to explain this man to Lizzie? He thought when his mind began working again.

"Bitchy Hipster". Ciel grumbled to himself. He was not some strapping, hunk of manliness, but just Ciel. So, how was he going to explain being in the company of this jaw dropping piece of human perfection? He wasn't about to admit to Lizzie that he had just had a panic attack and had to be taught how to breathe all over again like a fucking child by some Superman in tight black jeans...

Tight black jeans.

"Oh shit..." He muttered softly.

To his surprise, Sebastian let out a chuckle and held up his right hand to Ciel's face. There, held carefully in his long fingers, was Ciel's prized pocket watch.

"I'm glad I was able to catch up to you." He said with amusement, taking ahold of the younger male's hand. "You dropped this about halfway down the block." He explained as he gently placed the archaic timepiece into Ciel's hand. "It would have been quite a shame to lose such a brilliant piece"

Amidst his confusion, Ciel suddenly noticed the raven haired man's accent; British.

He had a British accent.

Oh my.

A look of surprise flashed across Ciel's face. "How did you...?"

"Oh my God! You're from England?" Lizzie was barely able to restrain herself from letting go of Ciel's arm and launching herself at Sebastian. "I love England! I spent some time there this past summer!" She released Ciel's arm and twirled around, flashing a bright smile and a wink at the tall man. "Which is where I bought this coat, you are a very tasteful man."

She swept an arm around Sebastian's waist and looked up with a playful smile "And I bet you probably love tea, so why don't you join my cousin and me here at the tea house?" Her green eyes locked onto Ciel's face "We don't mind, right, Ciel?"

A hot blush colored Ciel's cheeks, this was certainly not what he had planned! If this was any other time, any other situation in his life, one preferably cancer free, he would be overjoyed. He knew for sure that Lizzie was attempting to play matchmaker, he could see her salivating with the prospect of hooking her favorite family member with a gorgeous man. This was one of those rare opportune moments when the universe decided to be in a generous mood and throw him a bone, a gift, a favorable chance at connecting with possibly the most delectable looking man in a of New York City...

but this wasn't meant to be.

He had cancer.

It simply wasn't meant to be.

Fucking cancer.

"As wonderful as that sounds I must regretfully decline." Sebastian kindly refused. "It's been a month of Sundays since I've enjoyed a high tea, but I'm actually late meeting my coworker." He nodded slightly to Ciel. "Perhaps I may chat up your cousin there sometime this week?"

A slow and sly smile slid across Lizzie's doll like face. "Is that so?" She replied. "He's game, I'm sure."

Ciel frowned. What was going on here? Chat up?

"What do you mean, game?" Ciel asked, clearly annoyed. "And what does 'chat up' mean?"

Sebastian reached into his pocket and retrieved his cellphone. Wordlessly handing it to Lizzie who in turn quickly tapped a phone number onto the screen. Upon handing back the phone, Sebastian took her slender hand in his and bowed slightly to her, pressing a light kiss onto the back of her knuckles.

"A pleasure." He murmured and offered a seductive wink to the giggling blonde.

"Cheerio!" She squeaked cutely and gave a small wave as he began to turn away from them, disappearing among the crowded streets.

Ciel stood frozen, mouth agape and utterly lost. What had just happened? Did his cousin get hit on? Why would she give a complete stranger her number? He didn't even ask for it!

"Lizzie!" He exclaimed, throwing his arms up with an incredulous look on his face. "What the hell were you thinking?! You don't even know that guy and you gave him your number?!"

Lizzie hummed to herself, checking her watch. "Damn! We missed our tea time appointment."

"Lizzie!" Ciel practically shouted.

Now, Elizabeth Midford was no fool nor was she the type of person to suffer them either. Raised as the only daughter of a wealthy family, she understood the subtleties of the world. Her mother was a successful corporate lawyer in Manhattan and her father the senior architect for The Lincoln Center of the Arts. She was used to the art of the deal, deciphering motives, reading between the lines, negotiating, and recognizing the moment someone had been charmed by a work of arts.

Elizabeth Midford was no fool indeed and she had been paying close attention to the scene that had transpired before her only moments ago. Her younger cousin was oblivious to his own beauty and undeniable appeal.

Aside from his radiant skin, large sapphire blue eyes and lithe body, Ciel was also intelligent and charming. He had an innocent allure that could border on entrapment and the best part was that he was blissfully ignorant of how people were so drawn to his quiet and undiscovered seductiveness. Ciel never came across as being arrogant or superficial despite all the attributes he never seemed to notice that he possessed. Having full knowledge of all of this, Lizzie was not surprised that Ciel had ensnared Sebastian so quickly. Hook Line and...

"Um, I didn't give him my number." She informed slowly, reaching up to nonchalantly brush a stray blue black lock of hair from Ciel's eyes.

He swatted her hands away from his face, annoyed at being fussed over. "Then what was that all about with his phone?"

As if on cue, Ciel's cell phone began to vibrate. He hurriedly searched his jacket for it and pulled it out, crinkling his nose at the strange number.

"Who the heck just texted me?" He muttered as he tapped the text indicator."Dinner and drinks at The Red Lion, 151 Bleecker St. At 8pm, my treat-S.M." Ciel read aloud, even more confused now.

Ciel looked up at his cousin whose face nearly cracked in half from the full blown smile she was sporting.

Lizzie grinned mischievously. "I gave him your number."

 


	4. Chapter 4

Greetings yummy candy skulls!

Oh my GAWD! Your feedback has been tremendously wonderful! Thank you for the reviews, the advice and the lovessss!

I know we're all panting for some CielxSebastian sexy time but have patience, we are building up to it, I swearzzzz!

And to my sista from another mista, Anime Cujo, you are the greatest and I adorezzzz you. This chapter is for YOU, "Stranger Danger!" lol

* * *

"You did WHAT?!" Ciel cried out, blue eyes blazing furiously as he stared down, or at least attempted to stare down, his giggling cousin.

"I gave a gorgeous man your cell number!" She stated excitedly . "Now, where are my thank you's?"

Ciel shook his head in disbelief. "Have you lost your mind? Lizzie! He's a stranger!"

Bright green eyes widened comically as the older cousin slapped her palms against her cheeks, her mouth taking on the shape of a perfect "O"

"Ciel!" She whispered breathlessly. "Stranger Danger!"

Silence.

A burst of laughter erupted between the two causing a few bystanders to stare at the loudly cackling duo.

"You're crazy Lizzie." He sighed, hooking his arm affectionately around her shoulder as he led her down the street towards his parked car. "I love you, but you're crazy."

Lizzie smiled and leaned her head against Ciel's shoulder. "Promise me you'll meet this Sebastian guy." She stopped and looked up at him. "Text him back and tell him you're bringing a friend along if that will make you feel better." Ciel looked away from her and stared at the darkening sky. "It's time to move on with your life, Doll's been gone a year now. Don't you think you deserve some happiness?"

A pang of anguish pulsed within his heart, but Ciel quickly shoved it away, now was not the time to remember. Especially when it came to Dolly Kelvin

Doll.

"Alright, fine." He muttered, hurriedly tapping a text to Sebastian

"I will be there with a friend, perhaps you may want to bring a friend as well?" Ciel recited out loud as he typed.

Lizzie looked at him and darted her eyes to the cell phone, both staring at the screen and tense with anticipation. Ciel almost dropped the device when it buzzed again.

"I see you're a cautious bloke, well then, the more the merrier. Make sure your friend is male and single. :)" Lizzie read as the message was pulled up.

Ciel texted back. 'See you then.'

When they finally reached Ciel's car the day had turned crisp and a slight chill had settled in the air. Ciel watched his cousin button up her coat against the cool weather.

"Am I giving you a ride?" Ciel asked, placing his jacket in the back seat. He hated driving with a coat or jacket on; too constrictive.

"Oh no, not tonight. "Lizzie declined. "Mom insisted I use her company driver today so I'm going to grab a latte at that Starbucks on the corner and wait for him there"

Ciel raised an eyebrow cautiously. "How long do you have to wait?"

Lizzie smiled reassuringly. "He'll be there in 15 minutes."

Ciel shut the passenger side door and walked around the car to give Lizzie a hug goodbye. "Fine. That gives you enough time to drink your overpriced and underserved coffee."

"Shut up, you." She admonished, jokingly slapping his shoulder. "I'll call you this week. We need to reschedule out tea time for next Sunday." Ciel watched his cousin walk down to the corner coffee shop, making a quick turn to blow him a kiss before disappearing inside the bustling store.

A heavy sigh left his lips. He didn't have the chance to tell her about the resurfaced leukemia and between her midterms and his school projects, their time together was sparse.

He hadn't even spoken to his parents about the news. Once he turned 20 Ciel insisted on being medically responsible for his own well being. He had come to that decision when he realized that his mother needed to take part in living for herself again. However he had assured Rachel Phantomhive that if anything were to be amiss, he would be sure to keep her 100% in the loop. Ciel had no problem lying to her in order to protect the woman who spent the last 10 years trying to save her son.

He just couldn't tell her.

The next appointment with Dr. Spears was in a couple of days, more blood work, more bone scans, and more treatments.

The nightmare was going to start all over again.

A trembling in his hand broke through his thoughts and he glanced at the vibrating cellphone; it was another text from Sebastian.

'BTW, I gathered you didn't want your cousin to know why I was there so I picked your pocket for the watch. I'm a clever fellow that way.' The message read.

Ciel chuckled softly. "So that's how he came up with my watch." Placing his hands on the cool steering wheel, the young man shook his head. "You are very clever, Mr. Michaelis." He murmured as he navigated the car down the busy street.

The minute Ciel walked into his small one bedroom apartment he knew he was not alone. The door had been locked; windows were closed, but there was something different. Something was out of place, something not right...

Ah yes. The slumbering blonde haired mess sprawled across his living room couch.

Snoring loudly.

That gave it away.

"Alois, wake up." He smacked the drooling blonde on his head with his hand and proceeded to flick his ear with his fingers repeatedly.

A hand flew up, blindly swatting the air. "Stop it!" A groggy voice protested. "I'm dreaming about Ryan Gosling and he was gonna give it to me good and hard!"

Ciel snorted and rolled his eyes. "Gosling? Yeah, that certainly belongs in a dream"

A light blue eye popped open. "You're so mean." Alois grumbled, lifting his head and pouting.

"Stop quoting Taylor Swift and get your feet off my couch." Ciel motioned for Alois to scoot over and give him room to sit.

He settled into the couch with a sigh and watched his disheveled friend struggle into an upright position. Ciel noticed the haggard look in his friend's face and reached over to brush some hair from Alois's eyes.

"You ok?" He added frowning. "You look exhausted."

The lanky young man shrugged and rubbed his face with both hands. "I'm like the walking dead. This museum internship is killing me." He yawned long and loud. "The curator for art history is a rip roaring bitch. He had me clean his office twice today." He glanced over at Ciel, eyes wide with horror. "Do you want to know what I found in his trash?"

Ciel shook his head. "Please. No."

Alois grabbed his hands. "A thong! A freaking red lace thong!" His face twisted in disgust. "Who does that?"

Ciel raised his eyebrows and smiled. "A thong? So what?"

Alois grunted. "If I hadn't found the short whip, a porn magazine and a dog leash last week then maybe..."

Ciel threw up his hands. "Ok! I've heard enough!" He stood quickly and headed for the kitchen. "I'm making dinner, are you staying tonight?"

Alois stretched his arms above his head, popped some bones and looked at Ciel rummaging through the fridge. "I'm starving and do you mind if I do crash? We can head out early to school together."

Ciel hummed with approval; if they made it in early before class they could work on their photography project together.

Being a photography major at The Tisch School of Photography and Imaging at NYU was a grueling and often times frustrating position to be in. With the easy lure of digital photography, photoshop, and access to numerous online editing tools, a student had to really stand out with their work. Originality, a sharp eye for detail, a mastery of form and skill, as well as an in depth background knowledge of the history of photography were all mandatory requirements for being among the top prized students in that department.

Not to mention an unending source of jokes.

Yes, jokes.

The chair of the illustrious department was an eccentric middle aged man known only as The Undertaker. If you didn't meet his standards at the end of your senior project he would "bury" you. In other words, you weren't graduating; your career was dead before it had a chance to even live.

But the man loved a good joke and if you could make him laugh, well then, he would grant you favors like extended project time.

He did not laugh easily, but thankfully Alois had a twisted and often perverse, sense of humor that The Undertaker seemed to prefer. Ciel was often left wide eyed, mouth hung open, and a furious cherry red blush burning his face to his ears.

Ciel met Alois during his first year in the undergraduate program about two years ago. Being a year older than Ciel, the charismatic blonde had taken him under his wing; their days were spent getting Ciel acclimated to the large campus and city life.

Being a child prodigy in education and talent, Ciel was placed on an accelerated program. The reaction to having an underclass an in a senior year program did not fit well with many students and once again Ciel found himself alone and ostracized.

However, Alois was different. He was drawn to the quiet and proud nature of the boy with the mysterious and ever watchful blue eyes. Theirs was an instant connection and although they did not room together, they both shared keys to their individual apartments. It made sense since the two students always ended up collaborating on projects and reports. The young men lived for the art of photography and it was that mutual appreciation for capturing reality as still life art that had first fostered the partnership.

The fact that Alois had survived a traumatic childhood event had further cemented their friendship.

Placing two small steaks in the oven, Ciel checked the small saucepan on the stovetop, waiting for the oil to heat up before sautéing onions and mushrooms. He turned to watch Alois changing out of his museum uniform into a plain white t-shirt and sweatpants.

"Keep taking my clothing," he called out, "and I'm going to start charging you!" Alois flipped him off and chuckled.

A dull sense of sadness rushed through Ciel as he caught sight of Alois's back. It was a ragged trail of rippled and scarred pink skin. The telltale signs of his tortured past.

At the age of 9, Alois lost his home, family, and almost his life to a devastating building fire. It happened late at night during the dead of winter when one of the apartments had caught fire after a space heater had been placed too near a long window curtain. No one survived the rushing inferno that had engulfed all three apartments on that floor.

No one, except for Alois.

Anna Trancy could not reach her youngest son, Luka who, along with his father, had been engulfed in a wall of fire. She was, however, able to grab Alois by his arm, frantically kissing his forehead, before shoving him out the window. Minutes later she passed out from the choking black smoke.

Falling from the second floor, he landed on his back directly onto a pile of hot broken glass. The heat was so intense that one of the first floor windows had blown out and scattering a mound of glistening shards. Hot glistening shards.

Alois had told his story to Ciel after a drunken night of bar hopping in the West Village. They had been in the middle of arguing over who was going to own whom playing Black Ops when Alois's eyes caught sight of the fireplace at the center of the bar restaurant.

"Fire." He whispered in an unsteady voice.

They had left the establishment quickly and headed home; stumbling over each other wordlessly. That night Ciel sat on that same couch cradling a sobbing Alois who revealed his torched body to his best friend.

"I survived, but I died." He cried. "Who can look at me and love me? Who!?"

Indeed these were fears Ciel had asked himself while touching his own hairless scalp after the second round of intensive chemotherapy sessions years ago.

Who could love what was marred and broken? And Ciel knew it wasn't just the physical, but the mental and emotional scars that would hinder both young men incapable of feeling complete, normal, and loved.

That same night he unloaded his own painful history, the leukemia, the panic attacks, the sheltered and lonely life, everything he could think of was laid unwrapped and ugly in front of his friend.

Alois had stopped crying and watched Ciel tell his story, a sense of kinship struck him to his very core and he swore this blue haired male was never going to be alone. There would be no more loneliness, not for Ciel Phantomhive, who had bared his own terror as a lifeline for Alois to latch onto and drag him out of the drowning sea of despair.

This friendship, Ciel and Alois had decided, was meant to be. They were both survivors, through no fault of their own they had been baptized in pain and trauma early in life. They loved art and they had each other.

Friendship.

In the truest sense of the word.

But he wouldn't tell him that the cancer was back. No, not yet

As Ciel prepared their dinner plates, Alois poured each a glass of red wine, in the midst of their familiar routine a sense of urgency consumed the slate haired student. He didn't know how long he had before he would become seriously ill again, so shouldn't he take this time to really start living? A flash of garnet swirled in the wine glasses . . .

Red Eyes.

"Hey, Alois, are you free next Saturday night?" Ciel asked suddenly.

A smile curled on the impish face of his golden haired friend. "Someone's got something planned." He chortled. "Yeah I got the night off, why?"

"Well," Ciel glanced up shyly, placing napkins on the dark wood table. "I was sorta asked out by some stranger; a handsome stranger." He quickly added. "But I didn't want to meet him alone so he has a friend coming," he smiled at the young male, "and now so do I."

Alois tilted his head to the side and looked at Ciel with interest. "Handsome stranger? Hm. Good looking do people travel in packs, I mean, look at us." He mused thoughtfully. "I bet his friend will be handsome too."

"Oh! And he's British." Ciel offered, looking into a drawer for forks and knives.

"British?!" exclaimed the blonde. "Are you shitting me?!"

Ciel wrinkled his nose. "Am I what?"

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry." Alois apologized, grabbing Ciel's arm. "This is awesome! Next Saturday, huh? Ok, I'm on it, I'm there!"

Ciel motioned for his friend to sit and eat, the table was set and the scrumptious scent of steak and sautéed vegetables hung wonderfully heavy in the air.

Alois settled down, picking up a fork. "So, how did you meet The Brit?"


	5. Chapter 5

**Greetings my yumm-O-licious candy skulls!**

_**50 Reviews**_! My first FanFic milestone!

_Now, on a more serious note..._

I've received many PMs and reviews from people who have connected to the subject of loss, facing death and fear of our own mortality. This story is an extension of my own personal experiences and it truly has become part of my own private healing process.

I thank you all for your honesty and I promise to stay true to the messages that come forth from this story.

Once again, many thanks to  _ **Anime Cujo**_.

You are a light in the darkness...

* * *

"So, how did you meet The Brit?" Alois asked, taking a bite of his steak.

Ciel looked up from his plate with slight unease. He thoughtfully chewed his food while carefully mapping out the story. He could tell Alois about the panic attack, deny any idea as to what triggered it, and play it up as a possibly romantic chance meeting.

In a sense it was pretty much the truth. Just not the whole truth. He would just leave out the fact that he had envisioned himself in a coffin.

"Well, I was waiting for Lizzie outside of the tea house..." Ciel started calmly.

"And she was like what, 15 minutes late?" Alois interrupted, grinning.

"Please, more like almost half an hour." He grunted, stabbing a piece of steak in annoyance. "Anyways, I guess I was more agitated than I thought and it triggered a panic attack."

Alois's eyes widened in disbelief. "No. right in front of the tea house?"

Ciel gave a frustrated sigh. "Yeah, heart palps, sweat, numbness, everything."

"Wow." Alois whistled through his teeth. "Had to be a shit show." He popped a mushroom into his mouth and chewed. "So how does The Brit come into play?"

Ciel grinned at the nickname. "You're not going to believe this, but he was walking down the block when it happened and he calmed me down from the attack before Lizzie even arrived"

"Like, he came to your rescue?" Alois's face brightened and Ciel nodded, a hot blush tinting his cheeks. Pointing a finger at his friend, he chuckled. "Look at you!" Playfully poking Ciel's cheek with his finger. "You're so gay!"

Mortified, Ciel smacked Alois's hand away. "Stop that! You're one to talk! And his name is Sebastian." He paused shyly. "Sebastian Michaelis."

"Whatever, he's The Brit to me." Alois pouted, rubbing his hand. "And his friend better be cute and British"

Ciel took the empty dishes into the kitchen. "I can't guarantee either one, but you can't back out on me, ok?"

Placing the dishes in the sink, Ciel ran warm soapy water over a sponge and began cleaning. To his surprise a pair of thin pale arms snaked their way around his lithe waist, he felt Alois press his cheek on his shoulder and squeeze tightly.

"I'm really glad you made plans to meet someone new." Alois said softly. "No way in hell I'm going to let you down, I swear."

Ciel smiled and poked his friend in the ribs with his elbow. "Thank you." He turned around, hands dripping with soap and water."Now finish clearing the table before I run my fingers through your hair!"

Alois narrowed his eyes. "It's just like you to ruin our moment, nice one." He released his friend and sauntered over to the table."Bitchy Hipster!" He called out.

Alois was lucky that his friend had a terrible aim or else he would have been face palmed by a large greasy sponge.

* * *

The weekdays trudged by slowly even though Ciel felt as if he barely had time to eat or sleep. He had papers to write, photos to edit, and a charity for children's cancer event he had promised his mother he would help her organize. On top of it all, The Undertaker had taken a great interest in the collaborative efforts of Ciel and Alois, hovering over their portfolios every single day was beginning to grate their nerves.

"Creepy McCreeps-Me-Alot is pissing me off." Alois growled as he furiously wiped his camera lens with a cloth. "He's so far up my ass I could fart him out!"

They were standing over a large table covered in camera equipment in the middle of one of the university's spacious student studios. "You're so crude." Ciel pinched his friend's arm. "And concentrate on what you're doing! The lens is still smudged!"

"Ugh, don't pinch me." He rubbed his arm, feigning pain. "I'm a delicate creature!"

"Oh, you're a creature alright." Ciel retorted, grabbing the cloth from an offended Alois. "Come on, it's almost 5:00 and I have to drive up to my parents for dinner."

Thursday nights were reserved for dinner with Ciel's parents, since it was the only time the whole family could get together. Between Vincent Phantomhive's inundated schedule and Rachel's busy charity work, time was seriously limited for the small family. However, Rachel insisted on a family dinner once a week, same day, same time, no excuses.

This was the first family dinner Ciel had ever dreaded because tonight they were going to learn about his current medical state. Late last night he had realized that there was just no getting around it. They would find out sooner than later and he preferred they hear it from him and not someone else. Somehow they would hear it from his aunt, Dr. Durless, or maybe Dr. Spears who would unwittingly call his parents to inquire about some health issue or...

"HELLO!'" Ciel jumped at the booming voice and suddenly noticed the waving hand in front of his face.

"Wake up!" Alois hissed. "Didn't you notice McCreepy walk in?"

Ciel swore under his breath, hurriedly checked his pocket watch and groaned. He had at best 15 minutes to get to his car before the rush hour traffic would descend upon Manhattan.

"Kekekekeke..." A voice floated through the air and both college students rolled their eyes simultaneously.

Undertaker was odd, to put it lightly, but in all fairness, artists are a "different" breed of human being. Their instructor was not an exception to that fact, he was just a larger degree of "different". For one thing he only wore the color gray. Truth be told, it suited the eccentric man. Gray pants, shirts, jackets, coats, hats, and an unruly head of long gray silver hair.

The hair was the strangest part, as it covered the upper portion of his face. A set of yellow green eyes were rarely seen beneath the thick bangs, but when he laughed Ciel could swear he saw them glow.

"How is your project going, boys?" Undertaker cooed, sauntering over to his students. He eyed the scattered mess of photos, negatives, equipment and hand written notes strewn across the long rectangle shaped table. Ciel bristled at the gravel voiced man and he could see a smirk already forming on the older man's face.

"We're working on our black and whites right now." Offered Alois, pointing to the larger non digital cameras. "The equipment from 15 years ago is a bit challenging but the results are amazing."

Ciel smiled, he was always impressed with how confidant his friend was when it came to his art. Their senior project was centered around only using non digital equipment for their study on New York City pedestrian life. It was indeed challenging, but both students relished in overcoming obstacles, obviously it came as second nature to them.

"Splendid!" The older man cackled, walking to the table and scrutinized the negatives one by one. Ciel watched nervously from behind, noticing that with the simple gray slacks and turtleneck Undertaker looked quite normal. Except for the giant sagging top hair and long hair, perhaps he wasn't so bad after all.

* * *

"Bastard." Ciel hissed through clenched teeth, his hands gripping the steering wheel in anger. Blue eyes angrily eyed the lone ling of vehicles in front of him

Traffic.

Miles and miles of traffic.

Undertaker had decided to prolong his stay and review all 125 shots the young men had available. Now, 30 minutes later, Ciel was stuck in bumper to bumper traffic.

"Damn it." He growled before fumbling for his blue tooth device. Quickly, he dialed his parents' home number.

'Hello, darling!' Rachel cheerfully answered. 'How close are you? Meyrin is just setting the table.'

Ciel let out a long sigh. 'Hey mom, listen, the chair of the photography department dropped by unannounced at the studio late today.' He glanced at the time and shook his head. 'So I left much later than I was supposed to and now I'm stuck in traffic.'

'Where are you?' Rachel asked, clearly disappointed.

'I'm still on the Westside Highway and I've been driving for 45 minutes already!' He growled in frustration.

Rachel frowned. 'Oh no, that won't do. You sound exhausted. Get off at the nearest exit and go straight home.'

Ciel groaned. 'Mom, I'm really sorry, I tried to...'

He was cut off by a light wisp of laughter. 'Sorry for what, my sweet boy? Make it up to us this Saturday, say around 6?'

Saturday? He thought, before the realization that he had plans hit him.

'Um, I really can't mom. I, uh, have a...date.' Ciel stated slowly.

Silence filled the call and Ciel held his breath as he waited for a response.

'A date?' Rachel asked after a minute.

If an earthquake had occurred at that moment, caused a giant crevice to split the highway in half, and dragged Ciel, car and all, into a bottomless pit, he would have been just fine with it.

Ciel cleared his throat. 'Yes, but I don't want to get into it, please. It's a first date and...'

'Oh Ciel!' Rachel cried with joy. 'That's wonderful! What's her name?'

Shit!

'Mom, I don't want to talk about it!' He barked, nervously avoiding the question. 'Don't make this anymore awkward than it already is!'

As close as mother and son were, Ciel had yet to admit to his mother that he enjoyed the company of both men and women. Not that he had much experience with either gender, his most recent being five months ago. However, he had gone on several dates with a particular man he had met somewhere uptown. It had been a casual affair, until the other male had shown that he was far more interested in pursuing an intimate relationship than Ciel was comfortable with. He just wasn't there yet; not by a mile.

Rachel snickered. 'Full of secrets now that we're an independent college man, hm? I understand, when you're ready I want to hear all about her.'

'I know, mom.' Ciel said warmly. 'I'll call you this weekend, love you.'

'Love you, too.' The call ended and Ciel brought his attention back to the slow moving road in front of him.

That night, Ciel lay in his bed contemplating recent events. Dr. Spears had left a message on his machine earlier today, his stern voice resonated through the apartment . . .

'We have some more results from your most recent blood work. Make every effort to come to my office early next week.'

More appointments, more examinations. His fingers gripped the dark blue comforter and he sucked in his breath, resting his arm over his eyes and then exhaling slowly. He wasn't able to speak to Lizzie about his recurring cancer, he had kept the news from Alois and now he didn't get to have dinner with his parents, was the universe completely against him? Was he NOT supposed to reveal to his loved ones the frightening news that he was once again in a fight for his life? His mortality hung like a heavy burden on his chest; was there anything to look forward to anymore?

Wait...

Yes.

A pair of scarlet eyes quickly came to mind. Without a moment's thought he reached over to the cellphone on his nightstand and scrolled through the numbers until he found the one he was searching for; Sebastian M.

Ciel chewed on his bottom lip and quickly tapped a message. 'Hi, remember me?' Send.

He looked at the message he just sent. Cursing himself for its apparent stupidity and he hurriedly sent another text. 'Are we still on for Saturday?' Send.

Looking at the clock, he noticed it was 10:04 pm. Is this what Alois called "stalking"? Ciel thought and frowned. He was no stalker, but what if Sebastian took it that way?

Before he could fling his phone across the room in shame, the cell buzzed. Almost dropping the phone, Ciel fumbled with the device and opened the new message.

'Are you daft? How could I forget you? You're not having kittens about meeting up with me, are you? Don't bunk off this Saturday.' It read and Ciel's face twisted in confusion.

What the hell was this man talking about? Daft? Bunk off? Shaking his head, he quickly texted a response.

'You're confusing me, what do you mean?' He typed before hitting send. Having kittens? Ciel mulled the phrase over in his head as he waited.

Buzz.

'My apologies, I meant, are you nervous about meeting me and I hope you don't skip out on our date.' Anxious blue eyes scanned the message and Ciel almost choked with laughter, wondering if he was going to need Google translator with this guy.

'No, I'm not going to skip the date. I was just making sure you were still interested.' Another text and then send.

Ciel waited, his stomach flip flopping with nervous intent. Was he being too forward? Too aggressive? How does one act in situations like this? He didn't know.

The phone vibrated and he jumped at the noise.

'I am 100% interested.' The response delighting Ciel, a pleasant heat coloring his cheeks.

Saturday couldn't come soon enough.

 


	6. Chapter 6

_**Greetings My Delicious Candy Skulls!** _

_**Today is World Cancer Day and this one is for all of the Ciels out there fighting the war against cancer.** _

_**This is for my Titi Elba who lost her batte, but not her dignity. I love you and will never forget you**_.

**FUCK CANCER**

* * *

"Saturday! Saturday! Saturday! Saturday's, all right! Ooooo!" An off key voice sang out loud.

Ciel looked up from his cup of tea and grimaced at the dancing and singing Alois. The Elton John song blared from his iHome system while his friend tried to prove to him that he could sing "way better" than the classic rock legend. He was dead wrong.

The young student watched in amusement as Alois danced through Ciel's apartment wearing nothing, but a towel wrapped around his waist while using a hair brush as a microphone.

"Hey! Elton!" Ciel called out. "It's 7:15 and you're still not dressed. Move it!"

Alois skidded to a stop in the hallway and accidentally dropped his towel. A hot blush flared up on Ciel's face and his hands flew up to cover his eyes.

"I'm getting ready! This is how I air dry my hair!" The blonde exclaimed, shaking his damp locks with his hands. "Besides, if we get there on time we're going to appear desperate!" He snatched the towel up from the floor and covered his lower body. "And stop being a child; haven't you ever seen another dick before?"

Ciel cringed and uncovered his eyes. "I'm not a child!" He snapped, rising from the couch and maneuvering his way to the kitchen. "And no, I've only seen my own if you really need to know!"

Alois chuckled. "I call bullshit!" He turned, heading into the living room where he had left his overnight bag and started sifting through various articles of clothing. "Didn't you go on a couple of dates with that guy you told me about back in the Spring?" He pulled on a bright blue Hatsuni Miku t-shirt over a long sleeved white shirt. "What was his name? Chad, Chazz, Charles, Clyde...?"

"It doesn't matter!" Ciel retorted placing his now empty cup in the sink. "He was my first Brit." And hopefully not my last, he thought to himself.

"Ah yes!" Alois zipped up his jeans and smiled. "Thus began your little obsession with the British. Are you sure you don't want me to get you some One Direction t-shirts and posters for your birthday?"

"Shut up." Ciel flipped him off and grabbed his black boots from the entry closet. "He was really nice, but too pushy." Lacing up the boots, he inspected his outfit in the hallway mirror. "I mean, he wanted more than I was willing to give"

A fit of laughter filled the small apartment. "Oh my God, Ciel!" Alois was holding himself. "You sound like a high school virgin!" He walked over to his friend and fixed his jacket collar. "but I'm just messing with you. I know this isn't easy for you"

A sly smile crept across Ciel's face. "Actually, he did end up kissing me, but just once." He checked his pockets for his keys, wallet and cell. "And it was no big deal."

What Ciel didn't tell his boisterous friend was that Claude had kissed him on the lips in the middle of Central Park after Ciel had told him that he wasn't ready to commit to anyone intimately. Claude was hurt; he had admitted to Ciel that he was completely smitten with the blue eyed college student the second he spotted him in a local bookstore on 8th street. After a few afternoons spent at the local coffee shops, Claude admitted to Ciel that he wished to pursue an exclusive relationship with him. Although Ciel had enjoyed his quiet, almost stoic, company, he felt as if something very important was missing. The man was tall and very attractive with an accent that only made him that much more desirable, so why didn't Ciel pursue a relationship with Claude?

The terrible truth was that even Ciel didn't know, nor did he understand why he could not allow himself to have physical contact with anyone. The stress of the situation was unhealthy and Ciel had developed a vague awareness of panic brewing within himself every time Claude held his hand or placed his arm around Ciel's waist or shoulder. It got to the point that the minute he saw Claude approach him, the anxiety would kick in. He couldn't do that to himself and he certainly couldn't do that to Claude. The dark haired man who had been so kind and patient deserved much better than Ciel.

They parted ways on a warm sun dappled afternoon with no ill feelings towards one another. Before leaving the park, Claude had cupped Ciel's cheek with a large hand and leaned down to whisper goodbye into his lips. The kiss itself was long, their tongues rolling softly against one another. It was completely unexpected on Ciel's part, he had never been kissed like that and even though his cheeks were flushed from the moment, he knew in his heart that this was not meant to be.

Perhaps tonight would be different.

The Red Lion is a New York City landmark, especially favored by the local college crowds where nightly bands gave this Greenwich Village "rock hangout" an authentic vibe. Sebastian enjoyed this particular venue immensely, the wide flat screen TVs featured all of his favorite European rugby and soccer matches, and one of the Irish bartenders had grown up in the same town outside of County Cork where many of Sebastian's cousins resided. In essence, The Red Lion was his home away from home.

The dark haired Brit sat at the bar sipping a stout and scanning the room with anticipation. He glanced at his watch seeing that it was 7:50 pm and a smirk appeared on his handsome face. The evening was going to be interesting.

It was not in his nature to just ask people out on a date because he was far too used to being approached by all manner of people and gender. It was obvious to him that he posed a striking picture and people were generally drawn to him, but this past weekend something had changed.

Yes, the rules of the game had certainly changed.

Sebastian had been on his way to meet his business partner for an early dinner when he noticed Ciel. How could he not notice the beautiful and delicate young student?

At 25 years old he was sure he had never seen eyes so achingly blue; like a pair of large sapphires. They had completely mesmerized him; ocean eyes full of intellect, innocence and pain and... Fear.

That last feature did not go unnoticed.

He watched the young male clutching his chest and gasping and if Ciel hadn't been so young he would have sworn that the college student was having a heart attack.

Sebastian wanted to help him. No, he needed to help him.

The Brit tightened his hold around the warm mug as he thought back to the panic on Ciel's face. Even with the clenched jaw and tousled blue black hair, the boy was still unbelievably breathtaking.

Sebastian considered himself a reasonable man, who fancied the occasional whim, but the moment Ciel turned away from him to greet his bouncing blonde cousin, he knew he had to make his move fast.

So he plucked Ciel's pocket watch when he caught sight of the chain hanging from his back pocket. It was a bold move, but it had proven successful.

Sebastian looked at his watch again; it read 8:00 pm.

"Christ kill me, are you checking the time again?" Sebastian looked left at his friend who had been intently following a rugby match on the bar screen.

"Oi, what are you nattering about? Watch the telly and drink your stout." He retorted, annoyed at being harassed.

He snorted. "These blokes are cocking about on the field; I can barely call it a game."

Both males looked around the bar, it wasn't really crowded just yet, but once 10 pm rolled around the place would be mobbed. That was when the live band or act would hit the stage and a night of drinking, dancing and singing would ensue. Sebastian smiled at the thought.

A crowded bar meant close proximity to the lithe beauty he was waiting for.

Ciel stood at the entrance of The Red Lion while a 250 pound angry looking bouncer scrutinized his altered driver's license, courtesy of his cousin Lizzie and her numerous "connections". He tried not to show his annoyance at the bouncer, but they were already a half hour late.

"So this says you're 25." The beefy man stated skeptically.

"That I am, sir." Ciel said resolutely.

"You look like you're fucking 12!" The bouncer spat.

Ciel shrugged, trying to look bored. "I'm anemic, what can I say?"

The burly man grumbled a few choice curses before allowing Ciel and Alois to enter the establishment.

"Ooookay, so where are they?" Alois asked, his eyes darting around looking for a pair of Englishmen. "Do we start yelling that the Redcoats are coming...?"

"Alois!" Ciel exclaimed, swatting his friend in the back of his head. "We are NOT going to make fun of them, their accents or anything else remotely British!"

Alois rolled his eyes. "I was just joking around, you need to relax." He pulled his friend towards the bar. "Come on, I'll buy you a beer."

"How about I treat first?" A seductive voice purred behind them.

Ciel slowly turned and felt his ears prickle with heat, hating how easily he blushed. Sebastian smiled widely at the reaction he received and motioned towards some empty seats at the other end of the bar.

"You chaps had me bonkers wondering if you were going to show." He extended his hand out to Alois. "Sebastian Michaelis, what's your name love?"

Alois shook his hand. "Alois Trancy, nice to meetcha."

Sebastian looked at Ciel. "How do you chaps know each other?"

Ciel unbuttoned his jacket. "We met at NYU. We're both photography students." Ciel smiled. "And we're very good friends."

"But not with benefits!" Alois pointed out quite loudly as he made his way to the chairs where he spotted another tall male with jet black hair, hoping that he was just as good looking as the stud who seemed interested in Ciel.

"Jesus." Ciel groaned, not wanting to meet Sebastian's eyes. He could feel the older male staring at him so he took a deep breath and willed himself to overcome his shyness

"My name is Ciel Phantomhive. I'm a 20 year old senior at the Tisch School of Photography at NYU. I'm not used to situations like this so I know I appear awkward and uncomfortable, but I'm really just shy which manifests itself into me rambling on like a complete idiot and further embarrassing myself." Taking a deep breath, Ciel realized that he had been babbling, his usual reaction to shyness. He looked with dismay at Sebastian; the horror sinking in that he had just made a complete fool of himself in front the handsome man. Again.

"Are you usually this honest on your first dates?" He teased, finding the scene before him quite charming. Grabbing Ciel's coat, Sebastian led him to where Alois was already chatting with his friend. "There's no need to be nervous around me, I'm quite harmless." He reassured.

"Well, your first impression of me wasn't exactly ideal." Ciel pointed out. "And I can only imagine what this second impression is telling you."

Sebastian turned to face the younger man. "The first impression told me that you suffer from panic attacks. A very normal and common occurrence among many college aged men under an immense amount of stress." He stepped closer to Ciel. "The second impression," he continued, "tells me that you are adorably shy, ignorant of your attractive qualities, and profoundly educated. " He wrapped an arm around Ciel's small waist, smirking. "And of course, that you find me absolutely irresistible."

"Find you irresistible?" Ciel's eyes widened in shock at the assumption. How full of himself was this guy? He thought angrily. "I have no idea where you came up with that theory about yourself," he huffed, quickly removing himself from the hold around his waist, "but that's thinking pretty highly of yourself, don't you think?"

Sebastian smirked, tilting his head to the side. "Don't get your knickers in a twist, love, it was said in jest. Am I to assume you lack a sense of humor?"

Ciel opened his mouth to reply, but instead looked down at the floor and sighed. This was turning out to be disastrous. In desperation he reached out for his coat from Sebastian's arm.

"I think you don't realize how new I am to all of this." His voice shaking from nerves. "But I am terribly shy and this is my first real date." Sebastian raised his eyebrows in mild surprise. "So I apologize for wasting your time. Thank you for the attempt, but I'm going home." Ciel's hand stretched out to grab a sleeve of his coat, but was met with thin air instead. Sebastian shook his head as he moved the outerwear away from its owner's purchase.

"Now, now love." He soothed. "You can't leave like that. I've been waiting all week to see you again and I'm not about to let you go that easily." Sebastian's eyes shone with delight. "You don't suffer fools, I like that. And I should be apologizing for teasing you this early in the game." He placed two fingers underneath Ciel's chin and slowly lifted his face so their eyes could meet. "Come spare a drink with me and meet my friend who seems to be enjoying yours."

Ciel glanced over at Alois who was talking animatedly with a slightly broader version of Sebastian. His back was facing Ciel, but from the man's body language he could tell he was digging Alois. He had one arm around the back of Alois chair and the other hand was running through some stray locks of the blonde's hair.

"Already?" Ciel gasped in disbelief while Sebastian ushered him towards the bar. As they approached, Alois caught sight of Ciel and waved excitedly.

"Ciel! You gotta meet this guy! He's hilarious!" Alois chirped as he bounced up and down on the bar stool happily.

Sebastian slapped his friend on the back. "Complete rubbish." He turned to Ciel. "Nevertheless, I would like you to meet my mate..."

The man turned around in his seat and Ciel swallowed hard. "Claude!"


	7. Chapter 7

**_Greetings My Delectable Candy Skullzzzz!_ **

Nom Nom Nom...your reviews have been very nourishing, thank you!

_**Snow Whites Poison Kiss**_ \- you should win like a Pulitzer Prize for your splendiforous reviews!

_**AnimeCujo**_ : thank you my friend

Please check out her amazing one shot " ** _Eye of the Beholder_** ", it made me feel beautiful oxox

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"Claude!" Ciel blurted out the name before Sebastian could make the introduction.

A heavy silence descended amongst the four men as they each glanced around at one another.

"Do you guys...uh...know each other?" Alois asked slowly, pointing a finger between Ciel and Claude. Suddenly, his eyes lit up and it dawned on him. "Wait, wait. You're...," gaping at Claude, "the first Brit!"

"What?" Sebastian furrowed his brows, eyeing Claude suspiciously. "Do you know Ciel?"

Amber eyes darted first at his friend and then the young male in question, assessing the situation quickly before answering.

Clearing his throat, Claude eyed Ciel. "Yeah, you could say that." He replied evenly, never shifting his gaze from Ciel's blanched face. "We met a couple of months ago, shared a few laughs." He smiled, but it was devoid of any warmth or humor. "Small world, wouldn't you say, Ciel?"

All the blood drained from Ciel's face as he tried to tear his eyes from Claude's. Of all people, in all of New York City, why in the hell did it have to be Claude?! He moaned internally.

"Awekwarrrrd!" A voice sang out and all three men turned to look at Alois sipping his beer with the biggest grin on his face. "Come on people, this isn't fucking high school." He placed his beer down and tugged on Claude's arm. "I was enjoying your story about how 'lovely' my eyes are." He leaned closer to Claude, batting his thick lashes. "Leave my friend alone or I will not allow you to continue."

Claude gave a deep chuckle, thoroughly enjoying the young blonde's attention. "Ah yes, your eyes." His fingertips brushed against Alois's arm. "Allow me to continue admiring them."

Ciel breathed out a sigh of relief, glancing over to Sebastian to notice how quiet his date had become. Dammit! He thought. How do I explain this?

Purposely taking a seat farther down the bar away from Claude and Alois, Ciel cleared his throat and started explaining. "So, small wor..."

"What I need here is some honesty, Ciel." Sebastian quickly interrupted, sitting down next to the younger male. He crossed his arms and eyed him cautiously. "Did you sleep with my mate over there?" Jerking his head in the direction of his friend.

A sudden wave of panic washed over Ciel and he felt dizzy for a brief moment before his anger took control of his body.

"W...W..What the hell!" He managed to get out. "First of all, if I did it would be none of your business!" Sebastian narrowed his eyes, but Ciel paid it no mind. Instead raising his voice with indignation. "And secondly, NO, I did not sleep with him! In fact I've never slept with ANYONE!" Out of nowhere, a sturdy looking bartender with blonde hair popped up like a jack-in-the-box from behind the bar.

"Oi, Sebastian, sounds like you've got a clean one there!" He exclaimed, an unlit cigarette hanging from his mouth. "And he's real pretty, Lucky bastard!" Apparently Ciel's declaration of his 'innocence' had been quite loud, drawing looks from other customers sitting at nearby tables.

"Don't you have patrons to serve, Bard?" Sebastian practically snarled, waving his hand to shoo the bartender away.

"I was just pointing out that the lad is in dire need of a proper rogering!" Bard shrugged, mumbling something about ingrates and virgins as he walked away.

"Oh God!" Groaned Ciel loudly, hiding his face in his hands. Shame burning up his ears and neck. "I'm leaving. NOW!" He stated, starting to get up from his seat. A strong hand grabbed Ciel's arm and he eyes flashed up to the appendage's owner's face.

"Don't mind that oaf. He's just an old friend of mine." Sebastian smiled sweetly and Ciel rolled his eyes before looking away. "And as far as Claude is concerned, he's my mate and I can't cross that line, understand?" Giving Ciel a knowing look, he continued. "Back in May he told me that he met someone brilliant, but it turned out the person didn't take a fancy to him. So, is it safe to say that nothing happened between you both?"

Ciel fidgeted in his seat, obviously embarrassed. "Nothing happened, well, nothing serious. As nice as he was, I didn't want whatever we had to go further." The older male gave him a questioning look causing Ciel to throw up his hands in frustration. "If you don't believe me, then ask Claude yourself. Seriously, we only shared one kiss." Sebastian smirked and eyed him carefully.

Settling back into his chair, he took in the sight before him. There was an honest and vulnerable quality about Ciel that he found completely endearing. It was rare to meet someone like that; the blue eyed boy was an open book yet a complete mystery to him. There was nothing more enticing to Sebastian than a challenge and Ciel was certainly someone the raven haired man was more than willing to take on and conquer.

Let the games begin. He thought smiling to himself.

Ciel quirked an eyebrow, "What are you smiling about?" He asked warily, watching Sebastian run his long fingers through the long dark strands of his hair.

It was difficult not to notice how handsome the older male was. Dressed simply in a black t-shirt and jeans, the man looked like a rock star. Even in the dim light of a suddenly crowded bar, Ciel was able to admire the milky smooth skin and the stark contrast of the ebony colored hair framing a perfectly angled face. Long and lean limbs supported a solid looking body and his movements were graceful, fluid, full of purpose and devoid of hesitation. It amazed Ciel that the beautiful man chose to spend his Saturday night with him.

Sebastian signaled the bartender to come over. "No need for me to question Claude, I believe you." He held up two fingers to the bartender, who nodded and quickly presented two dark stouts before them. "I'm more interested in establishing something new between us."

A trickle of heat ran up Ciel's spine and he swallowed hard. "S-Something new?" Sebastian nodded, taking a sip of his drink.

"Yes, the fact that you left your flat to come meet a stranger tells me that you're willing to try something new." He explained, sliding the other drink towards Ciel and beckoning him to drink. "Come now, don't make me drink alone. Now are you willing to give me a chance?"

Ciel tilted his head sideways as the question sunk into his mind. "What type of chance?" He asked carefully.

"The type of chance you didn't give Claude." A large hand reached out and placed itself over Ciel's petite fingers. "He's a good man so I'm left wondering what I need to do for you to take a fancy with me."

Ciel's jaw dropped open, speechless. "I...wait...you want me...," he stammered, pointing to himself, "to give you...," the finger now pointing to Sebastian, "a chance?"

Sebastian nearly spat out his drink laughing. "You make it sound so appetizing, my pet. I do have feelings, you know."

"No, wait! Ugh, I didn't mean it like that!" Ciel quickly grabbed Sebastian's hand so he couldn't pull away. "I'm just honestly surprised that someone like you would want to know how to get someone like me." Ciel chuckled and took a sip of his own drink. "Wow, I sound pretty pathetic."

Something suddenly dawned on Sebastian about the younger male; that his usual charms and seductive nature would not easily win over this blue haired prize. Ciel was comprised of far more intricate ingredients and the college student did not trust easily nor was he looking for just anyone to stroke his ego. No, Ciel Phantomhive needed to be approached with a delicate hand; his trust would have to be slowly earned.

Sebastian felt excitement bubbling within him and he leaned forward, lips briefly ghosting over Ciel's ear. "I want to learn about you, pet." He whispered slowly. "Give me a chance to prove to you that I am worth learning about as well."

Before Ciel could respond, a chorus of cheers rose up from the small stage area near the right of the bar. Droves of people surrounded the dance floor as the band finished setting up and prepared to begin their show.

Out of nowhere, a hand grabbed his elbow and Ciel was dragged off his seat by an obviously tipsy Alois who appeared. "Come on, come on!" The hyper blonde cried with excitement. "It's a Rolling Stones cover band!"

Sebastian finished off his beer and tipped his head towards the band members. "They're called, "Wild Horses', one of the best cover bands around" Looking around, he realized that someone was missing. "Where's Claude?" Alois pointed to the back of the restaurant.

"He said he had to use the loo." He answered and Ciel laughed at Alois's poor attempt at an English accent.

The sounds of music rose steadily into the air and beginning chords of "Satisfaction" sent the patrons of The Red Lion into a screaming singing frenzy. Soon the dance floor was filled with gyrating customers, singing and laughing the night away.

To Ciel's horror, Alois joined the crowd of swirling fools, swinging his hips and sending a group of young college girls into a squealing mess as he joined in their revelry. Feeling a hand on his shoulder he turned his head.

"I think I'm going to visit the loo myself." Sebastian yelled into his ear, the music almost drowning him out at this point. Ciel nodded his head and leaned against the wall near the stage. He was more of a wallflower than the life of the party anyways

.

Claude was waiting for Sebastian by the bathrooms in a darkened hallway away from the view of the bar, an annoyed look on his face. "Took you long enough to get back here."

"Wanker." Sebastian scowled. "What's the news?"

Claude looked over his friend's shoulder before continuing. "We met in a bookstore, we chatted up, had a few dates, never shagged although I was up for it." He shrugged. "I kissed him before we parted ways. Never heard from him again."

Sebastian thought for a moment, weighing his options for what he was planning on asking next. "Are we straight with each other if I pursue him?"

Claude laughed, pushing his friend to the side as he made his way back to the bar. "You daft cow, I don't own him. Besides, my sights are set on that." He pointed directly at Alois, who at this point was bouncing up and down on the dance floor to "Sympathy for the Devil".

A smile curled Sebastian's lips. "You fancy that canary? He looks like a handful."

Claude turned around and raised a thin eyebrow. "I happen to like birds." Both men laughed at the declaration.

"I am curious." Claude thought out loud before heading back to the younger men. "How did you meet up with Ciel?"

Sebastian knitted his brows at recalling the disturbing image of a panicked Ciel. "Remember when I was late meeting you for our business dinner last Saturday?"

"Yes." Claude replied dryly. "As a matter of fact..."

"Right, right, anyway," Sebastian interrupted, not wanting to hear his friend complain. "I'm walking down Irving Place and I come across this good looking lad and he was in a right shambolic state, havering and nonsensical..."

"What was he? Half pissed?" Claude cut in and Sebastian shook his head.

"No, I made sure to smell his breath." Lowering his voice, "He was having a panic attack, Claude."

A look of surprise flashed quickly across his face. "Interesting." Claude murmured. "That explains a few things then."

Claude turned around and looked steadily at his friend. "Is this lad a potential shag, or do you want something more out of him?"

"He's someone I want." An easy smile crossed Sebastian's face. "Now, tell me what you know."

"It's not much." Claude mulled over his words; he could already tell that his friend was completely hooked by Ciel. It was understandable, seeing as he had been in the same position months ago.

"The lad's shy; very shy." He offered. "Every time I tried to hold his hand, put my arm around him, touch him, he'd give me a look like I was going to boff him on the pavement."

Sebastian rolled his eyes at his friend. "Cor Blimey! You probably tried!"

"Pfft!" Claude snorted. "I'm not dim, I know how to handle a young one. I was a right gentleman with him." Smiling sweetly, "Good luck with him."

Sebastian's eyes roamed back to the far end of the bar where Ciel stood against the wall. The young man's face was illuminated by numerous dots of flashing colored lights streaming from the wild live show. His pinkish lips were curled in a slight and amused smile while bright blue eyes observed the rambunctious revelry of the Saturday night crowd.

He looked so beautiful, so fragile, so innocent.

There was a hidden story somewhere within the mystery of the tortured college student,;Sebastian was sure of it. The game had turned into something much more interesting. and Ciel was a splendid rare blue butterfly. Catching him without crushing the gossamer creature was going to take time and patience.

"I don't need luck, mate." Sebastian smirked. "He's already mine."


	8. Chapter 8

_**Happy Saint Valentine's Day My Beloved Candy Skullllzzzzz!** _

_**Thiis chapter is all about the lovesssss and the romance, thank you all for the AMAZING support and reviews! My heart is afire!** _

_**Much love to AnimeCujo, check out her one shot "Eye of the Beholder", today is an especially good day to read it**_!

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Ciel watched the Saturday night crowd with a wistful longing to join them. However, he remained glued to the wall at the corner of the bar, not daring to move. Ciel often referred to himself as "coordinated challenged" woefully clumsy on his feet. Not to mention that the thought of having some random person rutting against him in front of fifty strangers currently jammed together on the dance floor terrified the hell out of him.

The small space, situated directly in front of the band, was illuminated by a spectacular array of colorful lights; a mild aura of smoke permeated the room. Ciel took another sip of his beer, he was more of a people watcher and the show the band and patrons were providing him was highly amusing.

The lanky lead singer of the band strutted on stage, belting out a raunchy rendition of "Brown Sugar", an infectious beat urging the melee of people to lose themselves in their crazed dancing. Couples were grinding into each other, groups of college aged girls linked arms and raised their drinks above their heads proclaiming their drunken independence; then there was Alois.

Ciel's jaw dropped open at the sight of his best friend, on stage, singing along with the band!

"What the fu..." He murmured, his attention transfixed on the exuberant blonde with the electric blue eyes inciting the crowd with his swinging slender hips.

Singing as loudly as he could, Alois was on stage sharing the mike with the gregarious lead singer. Ciel's eyes narrowed when he noticed the man's arm looped securely around his friend's waist. Glancing back towards the opposite end of the bar where the bathrooms were, Ciel realized that he wasn't the only one watching Alois putting on a show.

Claude stared at the firecracker blonde on stage; a look of pure lust and enjoyment in his amber eyes.

Ciel's eyed widened in utter surprise, as he witnessed Claude lick his lower lip, the expression on his face was that of a starving man staring at a piece of grade A steak.

And that's why I broke it off, Ciel thought to himself.

"Are you joining your mate up there or do you intend to stay attached to that wall?" A deep seductive spoke teasingly into Ciel's ear. Oceanic eyes flicked to the side to find Sebastian leaning into him. He hadn't even noticed the Sebastian sauntering towards him; too lost in his own thoughts.

Ciel shivered at their close proximity, the smell of leather and musk rolling smoothly from Sebastian's milk white skin, and he wished fervently that he could find something witty or charming to say that wouldn't make him look like a fool. Blue eyes turned towards Sebastian, nervously aware of the older man's long onyx bangs brushing delicately over Ciel's cheek. Beads of sweat began to pool around his forehead, but he took a deep breath, attempting a playful, sexy smile.

"I play the violin." Ciel blurted out, instantly berating himself mentally for the comment. Stupid freaking idiot! Stupid, Stupid Stupid! He screamed silently in his head. What the hell was wrong with him?

Sebastian belted out a good natured laugh and placed his arm around Ciel's shoulder, giving him a quick squeeze. "So is this it then? When you're nervous you give out odd bits of information about yourself?"

Ciel let out a nervous chuckle. "I suppose that's my thing. Awkward situations, awkward and random information." He looked up at Sebastian. "Why did you ask me out?" A hint of curiosity in his voice. 'I mean, clearly I have issues. Why would you try to involve yourself with someone like me?"

Sebastian grinned widely and motioned towards the crowd. "We all have issues, Ciel; some are just more obvious than others." His eyes met with Ciel's, a look of honest intention evident in his gaze. "I won't lie, I never will, but you are quite possibly the most beautiful lad I've ever had the pleasure of laying my eyes on." Ciel's cheeks once again flushed a dark red as Sebastian came closer, their noses practically touching. "And you carried yourself with grace and dignity after your episode was over. How could I not be enamored by someone as interesting as you?"

A cheer suddenly erupted from the crowd jolting Ciel and Sebastian from their positions, causing them to look towards the stage. Apparently Claude had decided to join the band while Alois hopped up and down in front of the stage yelling "WOO HOO!", clapping wildly. Someone had produced an extra microphone for the handsome Englishman while the lead singer took a break.

Sebastian whistled loudly and sent his friend a wink and a thumbs up before Claude launched into "Painted Black". Ciel stood amazed at the rich tones and sensual sounds emanating from the seemingly stoic man. The bar patrons lost it and they fist pumped the air with hoots and drunken singing. The colored lights blazed even brighter and scattered erratically darting dots of red, blue, green, and purple over the entire area.

Ciel's heartbeat quickened and the threat of a memory began to crawl slowly from the back of his mind and right into his awareness. He blinked and shook his head...no, he would not allow it, not now...please, not now...

The smell of iodine, a pair of soft lips...

The colored lights...

"Fuck." He whispered fiercely, a sudden cold numbness curling into his fingertips as a lightheadedness feeling washed over his face.

He needed to leave. Now.

A flurry of curses and shouts from annoyed customers followed Ciel as he roughly pushed past bodies in a desperate attempt to exit the restaurant. His breathing was coming in and out in frantic gasps and a crushing pressure forced itself onto his chest. He needed release, he needed air, he needed to run.

Run!

Ciel would have probably crossed blindly into the oncoming traffic if a strong pair of arms had not halted his movements. In a daze of confusion and fear, he thrashed violently, kicking his legs out. In the state of fight or flight, Ciel had bolted from the bar and was almost a block away before Sebastian could catch up to him.

"Breath with me." A deep voice commanded softly in his ear. "Breath in and out, in and out."

Sebastian was struggling to maintain his grip on Ciel's body, terrified of letting go. The young man had almost run into a busy intersection and there was no way he was going to allow anything harmful to happen to Ciel.

Thankfully, the sound of Sebastian's voice broke through the dark realm of panic and Ciel snapped his eyes open, realizing that he was outside. He quickly looked down and saw two long arms securely wrapped around his waist holding him in place.

A sigh slipped past his lips as his trembling frame leaned back into Sebastian's body. He took in a shaky breath and reveled in the feeling of older man's body draped over his back, like a giant heated blanket.

When was the last time someone held me so close? He wondered silently as he tried to control his breathing.

Ciel felt something unfold cautiously within his heart. Someone was holding him close, very close and he was in a vulnerable position, but it wasn't causing panic.

It was actually relieving it.

After a minute's hesitation, Ciel placed his diminutive hands atop Sebastian's and squeezed them reassuringly; communicating that he welcomed the tender touch. Sebastian's skin soft and comforting.

"Is this what feeling safe feels like?" His voice was quiet, but steady. He traced the elegant fingers of the older man who was holding him and prayed that he had not succeeded in scaring Sebastian away.

"Yes." The baritone voice spoke calmly into his ear. "This is how it will always feel when you need me."

Ciel turned his head slightly to the side, sapphire meeting with ruby and the gaze was held for a few seconds before a soft kiss was placed on Ciel's damp cheek.

"If I let you go, will you stay with me?" Sebastian asked quietly.

His skin tingled where Sebastian's lips had rested and for a brief second, Ciel wanted those lips on his own. Closing his eyes, he inhaled deeply the scent of the man and the cool autumn night. How much time did he have left to waste on being afraid? He didn't know.

Ciel opened his eyes and offered a small smile in an effort to relieve the worried look on Sebastian's face. "Yes." Ciel whispered, tightening his hands around Sebastian's grip. "I promise I'll stay."

The evening had taken a turn in another direction than originally intended, but the two men decided to make the best of it. They did not return to the bar, opting instead to text their friends informing them of their departure. Ciel messaged Alois that he would see him back at the apartment at some point during the night and Sebastian, in turn, messaged Claude to keep an eye on Alois and that he would ring him up in the morning.

"Ring him up?" Questioned Ciel, reading over the tall man's shoulder.

"Call him on the phone." Sebastian explained with a smirk. "Honestly, it's not like I speak an entirely foreign language." Ciel pouted and mumbled "cocky bastard" as he walked next to the older male. Sebastian felt a sudden surge of desire nearly overcome him at the sight of a grumpy Ciel.

The pair spent the next two hours walking around The West Village, admiring the architecture of old brownstones and vintage store fronts.

Their conversations were easy and relaxed, full of interest and curiosity and Ciel was happy to learn a bit about Sebastian's childhood growing up in London. However, he did not indulge the dark haired male with too many details about his life, hoping that his shyness would be as an excuse.

As it turned out, Sebastian had been raised by a single mom, had a sister, Mina, five years his junior, and went to public school until he was kicked out for fighting.

"For fighting?" Ciel asked, intrigued, but Sebastian only shrugged.

"Actually it was both Claude and I who were kicked out." He answered nonchalantly.

Ciel's eyes widened. "You went to school with Claude AND you both were kicked out for fighting?"

Sebastian chuckled while recalling the memory. "I grew up with Claude. His family was in shambles and we just stuck together. When we were fifteen a group of knob headed chavs decided to pick a round with us." He grinned, a dark look seeming to glow in his ember eyes. "They thought we were a pair of whinging queers, but we boxed them. Gave 'em a good battering they never forgot."

Ciel blinked in confusion, but quickly made his assumptions. "So, a bunch of homophobic morons thought they could pick on a pair of weak gays, but instead you both knocked the shit out of them."

Sebastian stopped in his tracks, floored by Ciel's frankness. "You are abso-bloody-lutely brilliant!" He roared with laughter.

"I'm a lot brighter than I appear." Ciel tilted his chin up with an air of arrogance and Sebastian grabbed ahold of the college student's hand, pulling him closer to his side as they made their way through the city streets.

"True to your word, Ciel, you are much more than what you appear to be." He affirmed.

"So, what do you do for a living?" Ciel asked. It was already 12:45 am and they were waiting for a taxi near St. Marks Place.

"I'm a dancer." Sebastian replied casually.

"A dancer?" Ciel's heart sank as his mind raced through the hundreds of possibilities of what type of "dancing" Sebastian may be doing for a living.

True, the Englishman had the long, toned and lean frame of a dancer, but he also possessed a deliciously handsome and seductive quality that another type of dancing required. Not one to be judgmental, Ciel forced himself to ask the million dollar question

"Wh-What kind of...dancer?" He managed.

Sebastian caught the strange tone in Ciel's voice and quirked a thin eyebrow at him. "Whatever do you mean, Ciel?" Red eyes blinked with faux innocence and it was obvious then older male was teasing him; the man was a sadist.

"Y-You know!" Ciel exclaimed. He could feel the blush already working from his neck to the tips of his ears. "What kind of dancer are you?!"

"Ah, I see." Sebastian pursed his lips and placed his pointer finger against his chin while looking up to the sky as if in deep contemplation. "May I assume that in asking me that, you find me capable of being, say...an exotic dancer?" His eyes rolled down to meet the pair of wide blue eyes blinking furiously at him.

"Wh-wait...What?!" Ciel sputtered. "I never said that!"

"Rest your worries, lad." The mirth in Sebastian's voice further infuriating Ciel. "Claude and I own a dance studio on W. 45th Street. We train dancers for professional competitions."

Ciel's mood suddenly changed. "Train dancers? That's amazing! What's your specialty?"

Sebastian caught sight of a cab and waved it down. "I'm a master at the Waltz, Tango, Paso Doble, Samba and Swing. Claude likes tap, Flamenco, and Mambo."

The cab pulled up and Sebastian swung the door open for Ciel. "When you visit my studio you can bring your violin." He winked. "You shall play for me and I will dance for you."

Ciel felt his heart bloom again, silently wishing that this night would never end.

At 1 am, the two men exited the taxi in front of Ciel's apartment. Keys jingled in nervous fingers as the young man tried to appear calm while unlocking the door. His lower lip was red from his persistent chewing to calm his nerves and Sebastian eyed the lip hungrily.

"I had a lovely evening with you." Sebastian purred, taking Ciel's hand into his own and rubbing his thumb over the smooth knuckles.

Ciel looked up and raised his chin in order to rile up some courage. "It was more fun than I've had in a long time. I'm just sorry I panicked again."

"No apologies needed." Sebastian squeezed his hand. "I want to see you again, is that alright?"

Ciel's face brightened. "Y-Yes, that's more than alright."

Sebastian smiled and cupped Ciel's cheek with his free hand. "When are you free this week?"

The sudden reality of the week's coming events dawned on Ciel. He had an appointment with Dr. Spears on Monday, blood work at the hospital on Tuesday, a photo session with Alois on Wednesday and dinner with his parents on Thursday.

"Friday, is that good for you?" He asked shyly.

"I suppose I'll have to wait patiently for you." The raven haired man sighed, stroking Ciel's jawline with his fingertips. "Decide what you'd like to do. I am at your beck and call."

Although he was loving the pleasant feeling Sebastian's fingers were leaving on his skin, Ciel still snorted at the words. "My beck and call? Are you going to be my butler?"

With an amused smirk, Sebastian removed his hand from Ciel's face, placed it across his own chest and bowed respectfully. "Yes, my Lord."

Ciel burst out laughing and tugged at Sebastian's other hand which was still nestled securely in his own. "You're so stupid."

"Am I?" The words were suddenly breathed hotly into Ciel's ear. Sebastian had straightened quickly and stepped closer into Ciel's space. The connection of his lips against the younger male's ear was electrifying. "Or am I so taken by you that all form of sense and reason seems to leave me when I am with you." Ciel felt a large hand travel feather light to the nape of his neck. "Thank you for taking a chance with me." He breathed into the slender neck.

Nodding slowly, Ciel was lulled into the comfort of the larger body protectively hovering over him.

"I'll try to free up some time to see you sooner this week." He offered, slightly dazed by the current coursing through his skin wherever scarlet eyed man touched it.

Sebastian drew his head back in order to face Ciel. "I would like that very much." He replied, content with the promise.

"I should get going." Ciel said reluctantly. "I've never stayed out this late before." He admitted with a sheepish grin.

A look of humor rose on Sebastian's face. "It appears as though I am the first for several moments in your life Sir Phantomhive." His eyes gleaming mischievously. "What other firsts may I be so honored to partake in?"

"Idiot!" Ciel gasped, slapping away Sebastian's hands. "Go home before I change my mind!"

A look of mock hurt was thrown at Ciel before Sebastian turned to leave. "Until we meet again, Little Lord" he chuckled over his shoulder as he gave a departing wave.

A little while later, Ciel snuggled into his comforter, replaying the evening's events. His body ached from the exertion of the panic attack, but the tenderness of Sebastian's actions outweighed his grim feelings. This was an entirely new experience for Ciel, one he prayed would continue without any more embarrassing bouts of panic. Surely, Sebastian would eventually grow tired of dealing with his episodes of anxiety.

"I know I'm tired of them" He muttered into the pillow as he started to drift off to sleep.

A low buzz echoed throughout his bedroom and a blue eye popped open, glaring at the cell phone vibrating on the nightstand. A quick check of the time roused a low growl from his throat.

"Who the hell is texting me at 2am?" He grumbled as he grabbed his phone to open the message

Brows furrowed as he read the contents:

'I watched you suffer a dull, aching pain,

Now you've decided to show me the same,

No sweeping exits or offstage lines,

Can make me feel bitter or treat you unkind.

Wild horses couldn't drag me away

Wild, wild horses couldn't drag me away.'

Ciel stared at the message, a slow melody playing quietly in his mind as he realized who the message was from; Sebastian.

Another buzz sounded and he opened the text up quickly.

'I had a smashing time with you Ciel, see you soon' It read and a lopsided smile danced across Ciel's face.

All thoughts of being sick, panic, death, lies, secrets, mortality, drained away from his heart and mind and for once he felt normal. He felt just like a goofy young man with a maddening crush should feel.

Oh, how he wanted so badly to be normal. Thinking ahead to the upcoming week and events he made a decision.

Ciel glanced back at the message and quickly tapped out his reply. 'Meet me on Tuesday at 2pm at 11 W. 53rd street' To hell with my blood work, he thought, I can always reschedule.

Hitting Send, Ciel waited patiently as sleep pulled at his lids. He didn't have to wait long as the device buzzed again.

'The Museum of Modern Art? Is this our official first date?' It read and Ciel chuckled at the question.

'Yes, it is. Are you interested?' He replied quickly, hitting Send again.

A nagging voice pulled on the sleeve of Ciel's conscience. Should he tell Sebastian about his medical history?

Another buzz resonated, and Ciel read the text, giddiness overwhelming his entire body at the response.

'I am 100% interested'.

Ciel dug his face into the plush pillow and laughed with an uninhibited sense of joy.


	9. Chapter 9

_**Greetings Beautiful Candy Skullzzzz** _

_**100! 100 Reviews!** _

_**100 FLIPPITY FLIP REVIEWS!** _ _**!** _

_**promocat, you're my 100th review! WOOHOOOOOOOO!** _

_**Thank you all for taking the time to read this little Fic that means so much to me and for taking the time to review, your words inspire me and push me to do my very best.** _

_**Here is a super early update to celebrate yet another milestone.** _

_**AnimeCujo, this one is for you.** _

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Monday morning arose bright and chilly, far colder than a normal early October day should feel like. At 9 am the morning rush crowd surged like a teeming wave, spreading out a bustling wake of pedestrians hurrying off to various destinations.

Ciel watched these nameless faces push past him with a grim passiveness. There was a dull throbbing in his heart growing heavier and heavier as he walked towards Mt. Sinai hospital where his doctor kept his office and administered his treatments.

For the past three years the maintenance treatments that were meant to keep his cancer from resurfacing were administered as a once a month routine visit. He had looked forward to the day when he could finally give the entire oncology and pathology staff a fond goodbye.

Gliding through the front glass doors, Ciel breathed in deeply. "Here we go again." He muttered to himself, stepping out of the elevators on the 25th floor and being greeted by a familiar face.

"Ciel!" Cried a young orderly pushing an empty wheelchair down the hallway. "How's it going! You look great!"

Ciel managed to produce a weak smile to the young man. "Hey Finny, it's nice to see you again."

The blonde smiled broadly as he gave Ciel a hearty handshake. "Weren't you already in two weeks ago for maintenance?"

Blue eyes turned dark at the comment, but he forced a small smile. "I'm here to meet with Dr. Spears."

Finny's grin froze as he held on to Ciel's hand a bit longer, sad understanding replacing his cheerful expression. "I understand." He nodded, fixing his bright green eyes on Ciel. "He's the best, Ciel. If anyone can get you through this, it's Dr. Spears."

"I really hope you're right, Finny, I really do." He sighed before waving farewell to make his way down the hall.

Ciel knocked on the office door of Dr. William Spears and he poked his head into the quiet room. "Good morning, Dr. Spears." He nodded to the young doctor who was seated behind his large black wood desk, noting the enormous amount of files and paperwork on the man's desk. Barely a glance was offered to Ciel as he slid down onto a plush grey couch.

It was a spacious and immaculate area painted stark white and it contrasted boldly with the black bookshelves and numerous black framed degrees from prestigious universities and medical programs. Among the frames were a group of awards for the doctor's efforts and achievements in the field of Oncology, cancer treatment and research.

When Ciel had been younger and didn't understand the complicated language of the innumerable plaques and certificates, he had decided to bestow his own award upon the stoic man's wall. At age 12, he had drawn a colorful "certificate" stating the doctor to being "The Best Doctor Ever". Ciel's eyes caught the crudely drawn picture hanging just behind Dr. Spears' desk, right next to an award for New York City's Top Doctors. A smile played at his lips.

It was known that the 40 year old doctor was a phenom in his field, with an ego to match his unbelievable accomplishments. However, Ciel had formed a practical bond with his doctor, one steeped in trust and honesty. The doctor never lied to him; never sugar coated the ugly reality of the diagnosis and the treatments. Ciel was never left in the dark if a treatment didn't go well or if something was going to hurt or make him sick.

It was Dr. Spears who had informed Ciel of the painful aftermath of bone biopsies after Rachel had assured her son that he wouldn't feel a thing. There was an unspoken understanding between the two men; an acceptance of what was expected out of their relationship. Regardless of the situation, Dr. Spears would always be forthright and blunt with Ciel's health and outcomes, and in turn, Ciel would always be trusting and cooperative with whatever the doctor prescribed. Because of this, the years spent under Dr. Spears care were tolerable and mostly filled with hope.

Today, however, seemed to be different.

Dr. Spears continued scribbling notes and reading files from a large folder spread open before him. The folder held the history of Ciel's medical life, a novel full of cryptic formulas, complicated sounding terms and procedures. Large blue eyes scanned the well-known details of the office, sighing inwardly at the current situation.

A frown had embedded itself on the stern face of the doctor since Ciel first entered his office. He kept pushing his wire rimmed glasses up to rest high on the bridge of his nose; bright green eyes focused solely on the contents of the file.

Ciel grit his teeth in annoyance while the scratching of the fine point pen in his hand echoed in the room. He knew the doctor was going to give him bad news and he loathed being made to wait.

"Sir?" He coughed to draw the man's attention to him. Dr. Spears stopped writing and carefully placed the pen down next to the file.

"I have the results of your CBC." Dr. Spears replied in a monotone voice, finally lifting his head from the papers to face Ciel. "Your white blood cell count is elevated. I've already scheduled a Lumbar Puncture exam, several biopsies of various tissues and a routine physical for you." His voice was firm as he continued. "Recurrent cancer tends to be much more aggressive and I am approaching your treatment with the same manner."

Ciel clenched his fists into his lap; dread wrapping itself tightly around his heart at the news. "So, when do we start?" His voice shaking slightly from nerves.

The doctor once again looked at the papers in his hands and pushed his glasses up. "The spinal tap is scheduled for tomorrow morning at 8am. I will make arrangements with pathology to have those results in before the weekend. However, I will do your physical today myself." Taking one last look at another sheet of paper. "Your biopsy will be at 7am this coming Friday. Make sure that your mother comes with you as it is a procedure I would not want you to drive yourself home from."

Ciel coughed nervously. "Oh? Why not? I can always take a cab home."

The doctor stood up from his chair, making his way around to the front of the desk and leaning against it. Crossing his arms and thinking carefully before speaking. "Have you forgotten how painful the biopsies can be?" He asked.

Ciel shrugged and leaned back against the cushions on the couch. The fact that he hadn't told his family about the cancer coming back looming over his head now. "It's been awhile. Perhaps I've blocked out all memory of them." He lied smoothly, averting his gaze.

Dr. Spears frowned, uncrossed his arms and moved to sit next to Ciel. The suddenness of his actions caused a hot brand of worry to settle on Ciel's chest. Why was the doctor so serious about the biopsy? This was a common practice in treatments.

"Ciel," Green eyes looked steadily at the college student's face. "With recurrent Childhood Acute Myeloid Leukemia we must do several tissue biopsies. The ones I will be doing are hipbone, skin and testicles." He explained quietly.

Blood quickly drained from Ciel's face; he could taste the bile threatening to exude from his stomach. Why was this happening all over again? Three years of careful maintenance, three years of dreaming, all for nothing.

"Oh, God." He breathed, feeling a cold tremble work its way through his body. The doctor watched calmly as Ciel stared quietly at his fists.

Pushing his glasses up he spoke, "I will not allow you to settle into fear and dread this early in the war, Ciel. I will not let you do this now." Reaching over and grabbed one of the fists. "I will not fight this disease if you have already given up." Dr. Spears stated seriously. The small fist unraveled and clutched the strong hands of the man who had once pulled him back from the abyss of death.

"I don't know if I can go through this all again." He whispered hoarsely, silently begging himself not to break down. "I haven't told my family yet. No one knows." He took a deep breath. "It's a nightmare I can't seem to wake up from." Dr. Spears nodded and released his hold on Ciel; it was time to get down to business.

When Ciel first entered his office the young man was only 11 years old and a good chunk of both of their lives had been invested in fighting this disease. Dr. Spears was not one for giving up; not now, not ever.

"There are two choices when it comes to having cancer, Ciel." He stood up, beckoning the college student to come with him. "You either fight to live, or live with dying. You are very aware of this." A rare smile ghosted across the doctor's face. "Now, in the interest of time, you are going to have to make a decision. Which is it going to be?"

Ciel's eyes widened at the abrupt question. Of course he wanted to live! What kind of answer was the doctor expecting from him? But then it dawned on the young man exactly what was being clearly stated. He could not do this half assed, halfhearted or halfway; fighting cancer again would require every bit of strength and faith he had within himself along with the cool and composed doctor and his team. He could not resign himself to fear and self-pity so early in the battle if he stood any chance of being victorious.

This was a dark road he knew intimately, a road he had already been forced to travel on before and yet, he had done so with courage at his weakest state. How could he crumble now before he even started this wretched journey?

Ciel straightened his back; an air of dignity rising from his being as he lifted his chin proudly. "Bring it." He ordered, looking the doctor straight in the eyes.

The physical was quick; thankfully, and Ciel noted that he had not gained any weight since last year. In fact, he had lost a couple of pounds.

Afterwards, he went to school to meet up with Alois where they had hours of editing photos ahead of them for their project. Now with the barrage of medical testing awaiting Ciel, he knew time would be tight.

Their Saturday night escapades served as excellent entertainment though, as they shared their individual adventures over late breakfast Sunday late morning.

"You slept with him?!" Squeaked Ciel, almost dropping his spoon into his cereal bowl. Alois hummed with contentment.

"I shagged him rotten." He drawled in a false English accent, nibbling on a pop tart, smiling widely. "Claude's unreal in the sack and he wanted me to stay too." Alois shrugged. "But I refused. Told him we could meet up for dinner this week. I'm not taking that step just yet."

The truth was Alois had not wanted Claude to see the full extent of the path of scars which littered his slender back. The younger male had insisted the lights be turned off during their heated coupling; refusing to be taken face down, his back being kept pressed onto the mattress.

He thought back to how Claude's body had shifted when the older male had held him close. Running his hands down the length of Alois's back and he had prayed that the man wouldn't question the altered texture of his skin there.

However, much to his surprise, Claude's touch seemed to change after that. The remainder of their sexual escapades had turned gentler, much more tender than what it had started out initially and the older male had littered his face and body with soft touches and docile kisses.

Alois quickly removed the thoughts from his head. The day would come when Claude would see his marred features and that would be the end of their adventure.

Ciel shook his head. "You slept with a perfect stranger and NOW you want to play hard to get?"

"Oh, but my dear Ciel, I didn't give Claude the full extent of what I'm capable of." Alois stretched his arms above his head and yawned. "I gave a starving man a crumb, now he's got to wait before he can take a bite."

Pointing out a large hickey blazing prominently on his friend's neck. "I think he already took quite a chunk out of you!" Ciel scoffed

Alois laughed and threw a piece of his pop tart at Ciel. "So, I'm guessing The Brit didn't pop your mangina cherry last night?"

"My man..what? Ciel scrunched his nose. "No!" He quickly grabbed his bowl and walked towards the kitchen. "I barely know him!"

"So are you going to get to know him?" Alois asked seriously, leaning his slim body against the frame of the kitchen entrance. Cool sky blue eyes watched Ciel carefully as the younger student rinsed out his bowl in the sink.

"Yes." Ciel turned to face Alois. "I am, but I really want something real with this guy. I'm not sure what it is about him, but," he paused, wiping his hands on a dish towel and looking away. A blush flourished on his cheeks. "I feel safe with him, like he's someone I could really feel deeply for." Looking up, he gave a small smile. "I really like him. He makes me feel...something."

Alois smiled and grabbed his jacket from a nearby chair. "See that face?" He chirped, waving a hand towards Ciel. "That's what I want to see from my best friend. That's what being alive looks like." He walked over to Ciel and threw his arms around him; squeezing tight as he buried his nose into the soft slate hair. "Now don't be an asshole. Text this guy and meet up with him. You've got a lot of living to do."

Ciel returned the hug and let out a huff. "I'm not going to be an asshole and I already texted him."

Alois stepped back and eyed him curiously. "When are you seeing him again?"

Ciel hummed, pleased with himself. "Tuesday at the MoMa. He's meeting me there at 2."

Alois opened his mouth in a quiet scream and began to bounce up and down, tightening his grip on Ciel's shoulder. "I'm working that day from 2-5!"

Shit! Ciel thought.

"Alois!" He moaned, rolling his eyes. "This is our first REAL date! You cannot stalk us while we're there!"

Alois rolled his eyes. "Stop whining you bitch! Just come around the Pablo Picasso exhibit and visit me for like 10 minutes!" He lidded his eyes and produced a childlike pout. "I get so BORED and no one ever visits me. PLEASE!"

"Ok, ok!" Ciel grumbled, pushing his friend towards the door. "Now, go home. I'm exhausted and I have things to do without you distracting me!"

Tuesday morning came quickly and Ciel was a nervous wreck. He arrived on time for the spinal tap, but the technician assisting Dr. Spears was running late.

"I simply abhor tardiness." The young doctor growled as he slapped a file on a table near Ciel's prepped body. He eyed the doctor and the array of syringes lined perfectly next to the flat gurney he was testing face down on.

"Um, you are going to try to calm down before you stick my spine with that needle and suck out fluid, right?" He asked cautiously.

"Oh, don't be so childish." Dr. Spears replied dryly, picking up another folder. "I am more than capable, and you already know this is going to hurt."

"Dammit." Ciel cursed, gritting his teeth as the procedure began.

A dull pain throbbed slowly on Ciel's lower back as he stood outside The Museum of Modern Art. He loved visiting the museum, especially since Alois had started interning in one of the exhibit sections three months ago. Usually, he would check out a special exhibit and then spend an hour hanging out with his best friend. Today, however, he had different plans.

"Ciel!" A seductive voice broke through his thoughts and he turned to find Sebastian smiling at him.

He's unreal! Ciel thought, his hands itching to comb fingers through the ebony colored hair. Clad in a pair of ripped black jeans and a firm fitting white t-shirt covered by a black leather jacket, Sebastian looked delectable. How can he look even better than last time? Ciel thought, eyeing the man hungrily.

"You look brilliant." Sebastian complimented before quickly leaning in to kiss Ciel's cheek. "I couldn't wait to see you again."

Too stunned by the blatant act of affection, Ciel tried to form a coherent sentence. "I...uh..I love art!" He sputtered, blushing furiously from embarrassing himself.

A comical look struck Sebastian's face. "Ah, someone is nervous I see."

"It's your fault, you know." He complained, rubbing his cheek. "You and your kisses!"

Sebastian chortled and started walking towards the museum entrance. "I can't help it. Being near you has me chuffed to bits." He turned, grabbing Ciel's arm to drag him along. "Come on, stop nannying around and let's enjoy the art you love so much!"

Ciel delivered a smack on Sebastian's arm and pouted. "Ass." He mumbled lowly, earning a chuckle from Sebastian.

The first hour was spent in almost silent appreciation of early 19th century oils. The pair moved slowly throughout the exhibits, chatting about the various styles and mediums, teasing lightly as they got to know one another.

Sebastian moved closely behind Ciel, his hand placed gently on the small of Ciel's back. The ache from the morning's spinal tap seeming to slip away and in its place throbbed a steady feeling of delicious heat.

Ciel could not resist staring at the handsome man every time they would stop before a painting or sculpture. While Sebastian pondered over an intricate piece of art, Ciel mused over the exquisitely beautiful male before him. He noticed how every man and woman stopped and turned to watch Sebastian, a silly mix of jealousy and pride bubbled up inside of Ciel, but he really didn't care. What was helping to paint a glow across his cheeks were the whispers and touches Sebastian so generously bestowed upon the younger man.

"It truly amazes me." Sebastian purred in Ciel's ear as he rubbed the nape of the bluenette's neck, tickling the sensitive skin behind his ear. "How human beings are capable of such beautiful creations." A tender tug of the ear brought Ciel face to face with him. "When you look at these paintings, what do you feel?" His eyes scanned the collection of Picasso's Blue Period and somberness melted into his heart.

"I feel loss." He replied in a small voice, turning away from the older male. "I feel heaviness, a depression, an intense grief that is empty of words or description." Sebastian hummed, drawing Ciel closer to him so his chest was flush against the college student's back.

"Picasso created one of the most influential and tormented collections in art history over the suicide of his good friend." He placed his chin on top of Ciel's head as they both admired a piece titled The Old Guitarist. "From one man's unbearable pain, came this." He wrapped his long toned arms around Ciel's small waist. "The wretched memory of beauty and love."

"You are quite poetic." Ciel inhaled the musky smell of lavender and tea emanating from Sebastian's skin. "Now you tell me, from what you see...what do you feel?"

Sebastian laced his fingers with smaller ones. "I feel warm, secure, and content. I feel excitement and anticipation of wonderful moments to come." He whispered.

Ciel frowned and turned around to face the man, his body still being tightly held in Sebastian's arms. Resting his small hands against the hard chest, "Are we looking at the same exhibit?" Blue eyes giving a doubtful look into amused red ones as a deep chuckle rumbled from Sebastian's chest, causing Ciel's fingertips to burn with delight.

He placed a simple, but lingering kiss upon Ciel's forehead. "No." he murmured, his lips trailing down the side of the heart shaped face and resting carefully on the small chin. "I'm looking at you."

A familiar feeling once again bloomed in Ciel's heart, fingers curling into the soft fabric of Sebastian's shirt; not wanting to let go for fear that his legs would give out.

Dark red eyes searched for permission to cross into Ciel's careful and delicate world and the bluenette tilted his head up to look at the tall man, revealing a smooth and elegant neck. Sebastian's mouth watered at the exposed sight and imagined his teeth sinking into the supple flesh; marking the young man, claiming him.

"P-pe-people are staring at us." Ciel managed to whisper, his eyes darting anxiously around the exhibit room.

"I can't see them." Sebastian soothed, slipping a hand into Ciel's soft hair and grasping the back of his head, holding him in place. "All I can see is you." He leaned in, pleased to see parted lips. "Do you want me to stop? Say the word, I will do as you say." Nudging the tip of Ciel's nose with his own. "Come, Little Lord, what is your wish?"

Ciel was at a loss for words. Here was his opportunity to be normal, have a guy he really liked kiss him in the middle of an art exhibit. It was the stuff romance novels were made of, so why was he hesitating?

How much time do I have left? He thought. Why don't I feel ready?

A sudden numbness began to claw its way into his hands, beads of sweat slowly collecting across his forehead. It was happening again.

"No." He whispered harshly.

Red eyes widened in surprise as Sebastian drew back. "No?" Suddenly noticing Ciel's blue spheres were glazed over with a frantic look.

Panic.

"Ciel." Sebastian whispered firmly, cupping the frightened face in his hands. "Tell me about your senior project!"

"W-What?" He gasped with confusion; his heart ramming against his chest. "What are you talking about?"

Sebastian gave Ciel a tiny shake to help him focus on the task at hand. "Your senior photography project. Right now, tell me right now all about it." Ciel nodded and began to ramble on, in quick breaths, about the idea to capture images of everyday life through street scenes in New York City using non digital equipment.

"Photography is becoming a lost art form." He stated. "But we need it to tell the silent story of the everyday man and woman. To connect the stories of New Yorkers with the rest of the world. The challenge is to do so without the ease and speed of digital cameras." Suddenly Ciel realized that he had been talking for at least 10 minutes without labored breathing.

The heart palpitations were gone.

The panic was gone.

He looked up at a grinning Sebastian with awe. "How did yo..."

"Hey GUYS!" A voice wailed from across the exhibit.

Sebastian and Ciel whipped around in time to catch a bouncing Alois launching himself into their arms; almost knocking them over in the process.

"Alois!" Ciel exclaimed, struggling to keep his composure while pushing the blonde off of him. "Are you high? Calm down before Grell catches you!"

Sebastian raised an eyebrow. "What's a Grell?"

Before he could answer, a piercing high pitched screech resonated throughout the large exhibit area. "ALOOOIIIS! Where the HELL is my STARBUCKS?!" The sound continued.

From the far entrance of the exhibit a mass of flowing and flaming red hair whirled into the room.

Sebastian sucked in his breath. "Fuck!"


	10. Chapter 10

Greetings My Scrumptious Candy Skullzzzzzzx

Thank you soooooo much for the amazing reviews! I'm doing my best to respond to everyone so please be patient I promise I will reach out to all reviewers!

SMTB is heating up, there's lots of angst, passion and craziness coming your way, don't hold back with your comments, advice, thoughts, wants, desires, needs, fantasies...YEAH BABY!

AnimeCujo: All of this is possible because of you oxox

"I need my caffeine! How can I function if I don't have my CAFFEINE?!" A high pitched screech tore through the room.

"Bastard!" Hissed Alois. "I told him I was taking my break and now he wants his fucking coffee!" He threw a hateful glance towards the screaming red headed man dressed in a black suit over a red shirt and black tie.

Grell Sutcliff was the absolute definition of flamboyant. From the waist length shocking red hair and over the top effeminate voice to the pea green eyes framed by a pair of fashionable red glasses and well-manicured Bing cherry red nails. Grell was an overstatement on two heeled legs, which was exactly why he was the Senior Art Director of Graphic Design and Advertising Projects.

His responsibilities included creating presentations and print collateral, advertising (print and online), brand identity development, signage, and exhibition graphics. Grell also had to create presentations and pitches for the Department of Development to help attract corporate sponsorships and clients. He was a busy, busy man, who was stressed most of the time and out for blood.

Young intern blood.

Namely, Alois's blood.

Ciel could never get over the fact that the man in charge of Alois's internship at the museum practically pranced, not walked, into rooms. He never enjoyed having to deal with the erratic theatrical man and this time was no exception.

"Alois! Your break is over!" Grell growled, pointing a sharply manicured finger at the blonde. "Fetch me my Starbucks!"

Alois glared at the rude man. "For the last time, I am not your dog." He bristled. "I will not fetch you anything. I just started my half hour break two minutes ago so allow me to at least take a piss and have a sandwich!"

Grell's eyes narrowed into dangerous slits. "You're lucky you have your little connections, Trampy. Or I would terminate your internship ASAP!" He hissed.

"It's Trancy, you motherfu..." Alois corrected through gritted teeth before he realized the man wasn't paying attention to him anymore.

"Wait!" Grell cried, speaking past his intern. "Haven't we met before?" His green eyes staring past the intern at the sight of Ciel and Sebastian; the pair had been watching the train wreck scene with morbid interest.

"Yes." Grell hissed as he sashayed towards Sebastian, wagging his finger knowingly to the Englishman. "I never forget a face," he paused mid-step and unabashedly looked the older male over from head to toe, "or a body." He cooed, batting his eyelashes.

Ciel and Alois gasped in unison, their mouths agape and eyes wide as saucers as they exchanged a shocked look between them.

Sebastian tightened his grip around Ciel's waist. "Quite impossible. I can swear I've never met the likes of you before." Clearing his throat, "And I pray this will be our first and last meeting."

Alois burst out laughing as Grell reeled from the remark. "How rude!" He retorted, anger boiling beneath the surface. "But I'll have you know, your face isn't one easily forgotten." Stepping closer and locking eyes with Ciel, he purred lowly. "Sebastian." Grell sniffed triumphantly and turned on his heel, leaving the room behind with the loud echo of his expensive shoes on the tile floors.

And one very furious Ciel.

"How do you know him?" Ciel demanded, his eyes a dark stormy blue. "And don't tell me you don't because he knew your name! And why did he mention your body?" Out of the corner of his eye, Ciel noticed Alois slink away slowly and he whipped his head around to stare at his friend.

Alois held up his hands in defense, smiling sheepishly. "You need me here, bro?"

"I can handle this, Alois." Ciel huffed, maneuvering his body out of Sebastian's hold. "I'll call you later."

Alois nodded and glared at Sebastian. "You fucking lie to him and I will slice you." He threatened quietly.

Sebastian smirked at the idle statement. "You couldn't slice a pie."

Annoyed, Alois opened his mouth to sling some well-deserved insults at the older male when a large hand grabbed his elbow, dragging him backwards

"What the hell?!" The blonde cried, stumbling over his own two feet as he tried to free his arm.

"Why are you pissing around with those blokes?" A deep monotone voice uncurled itself into Alois's ear and the young man froze. "I make for much more interesting fare."

"Claude!" Alois yelped with surprise and disbelief at the smiling man. "What are you doing here?"

"I believe you had mentioned working at the MoMa." Claude's arm winding around Alois's waist. "I woke up quite knackered from our revelries, but I did recall that you said you were here on Tuesdays and Saturdays, so I took a chance." His fingers tickled Alois's side and the blonde giggled. "So, here we are."

Alois blushed and turned his head back towards his best friend.

I suppose I should just let them work it out, Alois thought to himself. Motioning towards the exit, "I have enough time for you to treat me to coffee and some fries at the museum café." He smiled sweetly.

Claude pushed his glasses up. "Noshing on coffee and chips, how very posh." He smirked and they walked down a flight of stairs, making their way to the café. "May I also interest you in having dinner with me this week?"

Alois froze; hesitation washing over the blonde's face. "You don't have to do that, Claude." He whispered.

"I know." He replied, pulling Alois closer to his side as they entered the bustling café. "But I really want to."

"Fine, fine." Alois sighed, sitting down at a small table. "Now, get me my coffee and fries." He ordered, waving Claude off. "I get cranky when I'm hungry"

With a hint of amusement Claude offered a slight bow. "Yes, your highness."

Ciel glared at Sebastian with a look that dared the older man to just try and lie his way out of an explanation this time.

"Go on." Ciel commanded, voice shaking slightly from anger. "Tell me how you know that walking nosebleed!"

Sebastian crossed his arms in defiance. "I don't care for your tone." Giving Ciel a stern look, the corners of his mouth curling down; not pleased with the younger male's reaction. "Especially since I've done nothing wrong."

"Fine!" Ciel spat. "I'm leaving and don't follow me. I have nothing more to say to you!" He turned and stormed out of the exhibit, fury pulsing from his pores and engulfing the air around him.

Truth be told, Ciel really didn't have any time for disappointment. The last two days he had faced head on the tests that would ultimately confirm his worst fears all alone and here stood what he had hoped would be a salvation from that grim reality; Sebastian. The black haired male had made a connection with him and now there was the very real chance that he was not at all what he appeared to be.

Sebastian cursed inwardly and went after the blue haired young man.

"Ciel!" He called out. "Please listen to me!"

"No!" Ciel yelled back without looking. "I've heard enough now leave me alone!"

Sebastian caught sight of a door marked "Men's Restroom"; growling lowly, he lunged ahead and grabbed Ciel's arm. With a yelp, the younger male was thrown into the bathroom with Sebastian close behind.

A quick scan confirmed that the room was empty and before Ciel could protest he was forced into the last stall. Sebastian quickly locked the metal door, grabbing Ciel's shoulder and shoving him against the cold wall. The younger male winced at the pain from the impact; the area from his spinal tap still sensitive to the touch.

"Listen well, I don't like repeating myself." Sebastian ordered, eyes blazing a fiery red. "I have choreographed an innumerable amount of performances for fundraising galas right here in this museum." Bringing his face close to Ciel's, lips brushing against his ear. "It is quite possible that toffee nosed prat recognized me from one of the previous functions." Lessening his grip, Sebastian traced his hands down the sides of Ciel's arms. "I'm sorry my response was so vague. Grell is not someone I would want to remember." His voice echoed in the small room, a hint of desperation trailed in its reverberations. "Unlike you."

Ciel closed his eyes and felt a slight tremble pass through his body, shame clearly evident on his flushed face. How foolish it seemed now, running away like a child out of pure jealousy.

Sebastian felt the shudder run through Ciel and chuckled. "Do you fancy me that much that you would react so poorly to some dim nutter?"

Blue eyes fluttered open and looked quizzically at Sebastian. Breathing out a nervous laugh. "Dim what? Alright, I'm sorry, I'm truly sorry for acting like that. I swear I'm not some psycho. I just can't explain why I became so angry."

"I'll forgive you if you let me cook dinner for you this Friday." Sebastian bated, his hands running reassuringly up and down Ciel's arms.

"Friday?" He squeaked. I have my biopsies! He remembered with dread. "I can't, I have a doctor's appointment and Lizzie wants to hang out with me." Was this the first of many lies? He wondered sadly as another idea suddenly dawned on him. "Are you free Saturday after breakfast?"

Sebastian stepped away from Ciel and retrieved his phone from his pocket. Checking his schedule, "I'm free until 4pm."

"Ok, I'll text you the time, but be prepared to spend the day with me at Central Park." Ciel smiled.

"Central Park?" Sebastian hummed. "Are we going to the zoo? Feed the ducks? Have a romantic stroll...?"

"Oh, shut up!" Ciel snapped. "Let's go, I don't want to spend the rest of the afternoon holed up in a bathroom with you."

"Ouch, my Little Lord." Sebastian held his chest as if Ciel had just shot him. "How deeply you wound me!"

It was early evening Thursday and the orange glow of the afternoon sun was a low lit lantern in the darkening horizon.

Ciel loved visiting his old home in Purchase, New York. The upper crust of society resided in this area, sprawling mansions were common sights and his childhood estate was nestled among some of the wealthier inhabitants. Money was not a huge deal for the young man, although it had afforded him a great deal of options for medical treatments. However, cancer victimizes the young and the old, male and female, the rich and the poor.

Ciel had learned early on that the material extravagance of his life was no protection against death. If it prolonged his life, then wealth served its purpose, but if in the end, when all the resources were exhausted, even death could be the ultimate victor. Even with the morbid thoughts clouding his mind as he parked his car in the circular driveway before walking up the elegant cobblestone walkway, Ciel knew there was nothing like coming home.

Upon entering the large and marble floored grand hall foyer, he inhaled deeply and felt his mouth instantly water at the savory smells of roasted chicken and potatoes. His mother had insisted on cooking dinner without the help of their maid, Meyrin. He loved coming home to his parents, but he was well aware of what had to occur this evening. Ciel needed to tell his parents about the recent tests and visits with Dr. Spears.

"My baby boy!" Rachel cried, drying her hands quickly on a dish rag and hurrying to her son with open arms. "I missed you so much. Come here and give me a kiss!" Ciel laughed lightly and wrapped his arms around his petite mother while she placed a loving kiss on his cheek.

"Come on, it hasn't been that long." He said, rolling his eyes while Rachel took his jacket. "Honestly, some people see their kids once a month or once every couple of months!"

"Nonsense." She tsked, smile disappearing. "We live about half an hour from you. Don't do that to your mother, it would break my heart."

Ciel felt his own heart break silently, shaking his head. "You know me better than that."

Rachel smiled and left to put his jacket away. The tension headache tormenting the young man had shifted in its strength and was now pounding a steady beat in his head. His fingers went to his temples as he tried to massage the pain away.

"Are you feeling ok, son?" Ciel dropped his hands immediately and turned to face his father. Vincent furrowed his brows as a look of concern came over him.

"Hey dad." Ciel walked over and shook his hand. "Just a little headache. School's been a bit stressful, but nothing I can't handle." He added.

His father nodded. "Have you been eating and sleeping enough?"

"Yes, yes I have." Ciel answered quickly.

Vincent eyed him with suspicion. "Have you been out late? Hanging around with new company? Been up to any new activities?" A wink added to the last remark.

Fire burned on Ciel's cheeks, this was not the conversation he was supposed to have tonight. "Mom told you I had a date, didn't she?" A hearty laugh followed by a slap on the shoulder was all the answer Ciel needed.

"Dad! It's nothing serious! I'm not doing any extra activities!" Ciel protested. "And holy shit! This is embarrassing!"

"Watch your mouth in this house!" Rachel scolded as she reentered the kitchen, grabbing a pair of oven mitts from the granite countertop. "Vincent! I told you to keep your mouth shut about this!"

"I'm sorry, hon." He chuckled, rubbing her back as if in apology. "Curiosity got the best of me."

The evening meal went smoothly, conversation surrounding Ciel's senior project and the challenges of living in New York City. Ciel watched as his parents ate, observing their carefree smiles and relaxed bodies. It had been so long since they were able to eat together without the tense, almost grief laden misery that had clung to their little family. Although his mother had proven to be the strongest out of the three of them, Ciel had often caught the sounds of her muffled sobs late at night through the door of the master bedroom.

Being an only child allowed Ciel the privilege of being pampered and doted upon by two parents who unconditionally adored him. Rachel had fought the leukemia just as fiercely as Ciel had, but Vincent, well, Vincent had fought it in his own private way.

Throughout the years of treatment, Ciel's father had embraced the hours of a workaholic. If he didn't watch his son waste away, then somehow the illness didn't exist. Vincent could face a factory of workers and rip them all for lacking in productivity. He could face the entire board of his company and demand they follow his lead or else their heads would be served on the proverbial platter. However, Vincent Phantomhive could not, would not, face the possibility of the death of his son and only child. It was a force, a realm completely and undeniably out of his control, and a fact that kept him from fully accepting the many years of his son's struggle. With deep shame, Vincent partook in the clumsy dance of avoidance and escapism.

"Mom, Dad, I need to talk to you guys about something." Ciel began, wiping his mouth with the linen napkin before twisting it nervously on his lap. He had briefly wondered if he should take a sip of his wine. "Something really important."

Rachel looked up from her plate and watched Ciel with a guarded look. "Go ahead, Ciel." Her face taking on a slightly ashen look while Vincent fidgeted in his seat. "We're listening."

Ciel looked down at his hands. "I..."

The doorbell chimes echoed like tinkling crystals throughout their home just then.

"Oh, who could that be?" Rachel frowned and excused herself from the table.

"Ciel? Have you seen the new exhibit of Picasso's work at the MoMa?" Vincent asked, pouring another glass of wine for himself.

A wry smile crept along Ciel's face as once again his father was ducking the unknown and terrible possibilities. Some things never change.

"Look who decided to drop by!" Rachel announced, coming back into the dining room arm in arm with Lizzie.

Ciel's world came to a halt. He had not wanted to tell Lizzie until he could deal with the aftermath of his parents. Now there was absolutely no way he could tell them at dinner!

"What impeccable timing you have lately." He mumbled under his breath.

"Hello, my love!" She cried, engulfing her cousin in a bear hug when he rose from the table to greet her. "I'm busy Sunday so we will have to go for tea this Saturday!"

Ciel froze.

Saturday!

"Um, I'm kind of busy . . ." His voice trailing off as he attempted to give her the unspoken message of not questioning him any further. It didn't work.

"What? Why...?" She cried, suddenly noticing the pained expression on Ciel's face; silently begging her to drop the subject. "Oh wait! I forgot I'm shopping with Paula that day, forget it. We can reschedule!" She chuckled and ruffled his hair.

"Are you joining us for dinner, Lizzie?" Vincent asked, beckoning her to sit down. "We haven't seen you since you started the advanced program at The Fashion Institute."

"Absolutely, Uncle Vin! I'm starving!" Lizzie happily accepted the invitation and took a seat as Rachel placed a full dinner plate in front of the cheery blonde. She immediately launched into an update of how her classes in fashion design and business were going.

Ciel's sipped his wine quietly, hoping his solemn news would remain under wraps for now.

"Ciel," Rachel interrupted his thoughts, "what did you have to tell us before Lizzie came in?"Silence fell across the table, except for the clatter of Ciel's fork as it dropped against the fine china plate set.

"Ah, w-well," he stammered, "it can wait, mom."

Rachel shook her head. "Ciel, we're all family here. Now, what is it you wanted to tell us?"

Ciel's heart quickened as a fine sheen of sweat began to pool around his forehead. Lizzie watched her cousin worriedly, wondering why he was acting so nervous.

Vincent placed his fork down. "If Ciel doesn't feel comfortable telling us his news now, then we should leave him be."

Rachel shot him a disapproving look. "You would say that, wouldn't you?" Vincent's mouth tightened into a thin grimace at the low blow his wife had just dealt him.

Lizzie stared at her aunt and uncle with unease as the ugly remnants of their embattled marriage began to reemerge. The bitterness of shouldering a majority of Ciel's medical needs constantly falling on Rachel while her husband ran from the horrors their family had to face resurfacing.

"Aunt Rachel, please." Lizzie pleaded. "Not in front of Ciel."

And then something within Ciel snapped; something final and undeniable had caused a crevasse to crack open along the land of his heart and soul. If he told them the truth now, the balancing act his family was so desperately trying to maintain would falter and tumble towards a dark unreachable abyss.

He couldn't do that to them.

"I'm currently dating a man." He declared loudly before taking a much needed gulp of wine.


	11. Chapter 11

**_Greetings My Munchy Crumchy Deviant Candy Skullzzzz!_ **

**_Thank you for the beautiful reviews! They've been inspiring, helpful and just plain feeding my little malnourished ego lol_ **

**_I'm thrilled to bits and pieces because SMTB is one month old (These Fics grow up so fast sniff), we are on chapter 11 and it's not even half over!_ **

**_ARE YOU GUYS IN FOR THIS LONG AND CRAZY RIDE?!_ **

**_HELL YEAH!_ **

**_Hey, Anime Cujo, what can I say?...YOU ROCK...seriously,, thanks for editing numerous chapters at once even though you have a life. You da Bomb oxox_ **

* * *

Rachel Phantomhive was never a deeply religious woman. She hosted lovely Christmas and Easter dinners, donated money and items to the NYC soup kitchen where her younger sister volunteered and wrote a check to her local parish once a year. These were not acts of true faith nor acts of God fearing obligation, instead they served social, political and familial services. Her family provided the upper class community they lived in with an image, a model, of what it meant to uphold certain values and standards in this often turbulent and immoral world.

Rachel believed in a God, but not in God.

That was until, the day Dr. Spears told her that her only son, the little child of her heart, was dying.

 _Dying_.

It was on that day that Rachel donned her mental and emotional armor and declared war on the disease that threatened to take away her beloved boy. That was also the day she called upon her forgotten God and begged him to be her ally.

Years later she would look at her son, free from his childhood leukemia, and whisper prayers of praise to a deity she believed, had seen the errors of her negligence and had in turn rewarded her with a healthy son. And because of this faith, she had kept her son, as well as her marriage.

Her marriage was a shattered covenant held precariously intact by an oath and a young child teetering between life and death.

Every drop that had created the elixir of love and desire for her husband had nearly dried up during those long and fearful years of keeping their son alive. She watched the man who had promised to protect her and their little family, hide and falter under the pressures of trauma and stress. Her powerful husband, revered as one of the most intimidatingly successful men in the New York business world, was nothing more than a coward in her eyes. However, she could not stop loving him. It was her deepest shame that she held on to him because she believed that he loved her and their son.

He was flawed, but weren't they all? Wasn't that a part of Gods plan? Man had to be flawed in order to understand compassion, sympathy, and love. Because it is only when we hit rock bottom that we truly understand pain and suffering.

Rachel figured it was all in God's plan, her son's illness, and her emotionally weak husband. The end result would be a Ciel free of illness, a marriage currently in repair, and a life empty of gut wrenching surprises.

Unfortunately, God works in mysterious ways.

* * *

Tense silence stretched across the table as three pairs of eyes stared wide and shocked at Ciel. Lizzie turned slowly to face her aunt and uncle, clearing her throat. "Please don't be mad at him, Aunt Rachel." Her voice wavering slightly.

"You knew?!" Rachel hissed in anger and confusion. "And you said nothing?"

"It wasn't her news to tell." Ciel calmly intervened, glaring at his mother. "Don't you dare be angry with her. If anything, she has been supportive and accepting of my lifestyle decision." His face softened. "As I hoped you both would be"

The sound of a chair being pushed back roughly followed by the soft thud of a napkin being thrown onto the table was like a gunshot echoing in the room. Ciel refrained from releasing an audible snort of contempt as he watched his father rise from his chair.

Vincent rubbed his forehead with his fingertips, not wanting to provoke an argument with his wife. "I have a board meeting at 8am and I need to review some documents tonight." His body slumping visibly in an almost defeated pose. "Ciel, we can talk about this later, goodnight everyone." Turning quickly, he left the room.

Still not accepting the limitations of his father, Ciel merely shrugged. "What a shock." He muttered wryly. "I think it's best if I left now as well." He announced, throwing his own napkin on the dinner plate before him.

"I'm coming with you." Lizzie stated, avoiding her aunt's pained expression.

"Ciel, wait!" Rachel reached out and clasped her son's hand before he could leave the table. "Don't, don't leave, please. I want to talk, I want to understand." Her face having gone pale and a fresh wash of tears waited at the corners of her tired eyes.

Ciel winced; it had been a long time since his mother had looked this tired. Once again, he was the cause of her suffering and he hated himself so much for it. However, this time the choice had been simple and telling his parents he was gay was far better than telling them he had resurfaced cancer. At least you don't die from being gay, he reasoned.

"Mom, there's not much to talk about. I can't change who I am or who I prefer to date. Ciel threw an imploring look towards Lizzie.

"It's true, Aunt Rachel" Lizzie nodded in agreement. "Ciel is no different now than the person we know and love!"

Rachel closed her eyes, what was that sermon she had heard last Sunday during mass? Her thoughts reached back for the message the parish priest had so fervently lectured, what was it again?

"Our highest obligation toward mankind is our obligation to love them"

A hymn sang quietly at first within her heart until it reached its crescendo; a thousand voices willing her to remember how tenuous and fragile love and life were. How one moment we are here and the next we are...

 _Gone_.

Rachel opened her eyes; the young man who would forever be the adored child of her life was waiting for her to accept him. It was true, nothing had changed. He still called her mom, hugged and kissed her, laughed at her jokes, never hesitated to say I love you. This was still her Ciel, a gift from God, a piece of heaven generously presented to her.

 _Love_.

Her entire life was a practice in complete adoration for her son, if death could not drive him away from her life then his preference for men certainly would not. "Does he make you happy?" She asked.

Ciel blinked, his mother's question bringing a way look to his face. "Yes, he does." He replied slowly.

"Good, that's all that matters." She patted his hand. "As long as you're happy, then I'm happy." Relief flooded Ciel's heart at the statement. "I may not always agree with your choices, but I will always accept you. I will always love you." Rachel turned her attention back to her beautiful niece. "I'm sorry I reacted so poorly at first and I didn't mean to attack you." She offered her an apologetic smile. "I was angry at first, well, more like hurting from the fact that you knew something so deeply personal about Ciel while I did not. But this is not about me, this is about Ciel being happy."

Lizzie rose from her seat and walked around the table to kneel before her aunt. A flashback of a small impish little girl came to Rachel as her niece drew her arms around her neck and hugged her tightly.

"Thank you for always being there for Ciel." Rachel choked out, tears falling freely now.

"You've been the most amazingly strong and supportive mom he could have ever hope for." Lizzie whispered, placing a gentle kiss on Rachel's cheek, lips brushing against the tears. "I will always be there, for him, just like you, I promise."

Ciel watched as the two most loved and important women in his life amended their relationship for his sake. Bittersweet feelings pulled him apart, how much more intense would their reactions have been had he told them the other truth? He shuddered at the thought.

Lizzie wiped her own tears and beamed, thrilled with the positive outcome of Ciel's confession. "Oh, Aunt Rachel, if you saw this man you'd know why Ciel was so happy!" She gushed, holding her aunt's hands in excitement. "He's gorgeous! Like a movie star! And he's so tall, with black hair and he's from England!"

Rachel watched her blushing son with an amused smile. "Really? Well, now when do I have the pleasure of meeting this movie star?"

"It's too early for that." Ciel's cheeks burned deeply. "In time, please just don't haunt me about this, ok?"

"Oh, my son, my son" Rachel sighed. "I'm your mother, you know I will."

* * *

Ciel stared at the white ceiling of his dimly lit bedroom. His conscience at war with him as he questioned his decision to swap one shocking piece of news for another in regards to his family.

If Lizzie hadn't come by, he definitely would have told his parents about the illness. Right?

He shook his head, it didn't matter anymore. They were going to find out eventually and the hurt would be no more or less than if had told them tonight or in a month.

After New Year's Eve, he told himself, I'll have one more carefree holiday with my parents and then I will tell them. He hummed in approval and slowly allowed the exhaustion that had plagued him all day to wrap its arms around him and pull the young man into sleep.

Buzz, the cellphone sounded and one blue eye cracked open to stare at the vibrating device on the nightstand. It had been a full day since Ciel had last heard from Sebastian and a sliver of hope blossomed as he reached for his phone.

'I miss you'. It read and currents of warmth bloomed within his chest.

He tapped his response and hit send. 'I miss you too'.

Buzz, it sounded again and Ciel looked down at the screen, reading, 'I can't wait for Saturday, meet me tomorrow'.

He grinned. Even though Sebastian was older and obviously more experienced, it seemed as if he was the more one desperate for attention.

Oh yes, Ciel thought, this could be fun. He chuckled as he sent a new reply. 'Patience or you'll have to wait until next Saturday to see me'.

Buzz, the response read, 'So cruel my Little Lord'

Before he could type another replay a new message came through, 'Open your front door'.

Ciel froze, a coldness descending over his entire body as he reread the message.

Buzz and he opened the new message warily, 'I bet you haven't opened your door yet. Come on. Don't be afraid'.

He frowned at the text; masculine pride quickly replacing fear. 'I'm not afraid you ass!' He angrily mumbled as he typed.

Buzz and his eyes rolled down the screen, 'Then don't be all mouth and no trousers open your door!'

Grumbling and annoyed at having to leave his bed, Ciel stormed out of his room, cellphone in hand. He paused momentarily by the kitchen wondering if he should grab a knife. No, he thought, Sebastian wouldn't hurt him. Although he had no idea on what he could base that assumption on; he just knew it to be a solid fact.

The old brass knob felt cold and heavy in his hand as he grasped it and turned slowly. The door creaked lowly as he pulled it open; a silent prayer for protection flying from his lips. Ciel looked around at the empty hallway.

Confusion settled in and he knitted his eyebrows, glancing left and right down the long hall lined by several apartment doors. It wasn't until he stepped out of the doorframe that his foot hit something soft on the doormat. Ciel looked down and an instant smile broke across his face.

It was a package of Earl Grey tea leaves.

Buzz the device sounded and Ciel quickly scooped up the small package; closing his door before opening the new text message.

'Well?' It read and Ciel chuckled as he sent his response.

'Not sure how you knew this was my favorite tea, but thank you so much!' He smiled as he hit Send.

Buzz, the device went almost immediately, 'It is just a heartfelt present for my, Little Lord. Perhaps after our Saturday escapades you will have some tea with me?'

Ciel laughed out loud, enjoying the sound of his own happiness resonating in the small apartment as his fingers typed a response. 'I would really enjoy that, thank you'.

On an impulse, he quickly tapped out another reply, 'I'm glad we met'.

Lifting the package of tea to his nose, he closed his eyes and inhaled deeply the mix of flowery herbs and tangy earth. This was the smell that reminded him of Sebastian. It was the essence of that beautiful man who had somehow created a small world of comfort for Ciel.

Buzz, the sound drew Ciel from his thoughts. Looking down to read, 'Are you sure?'

He rolled his eyes, knowing the answer Sebastian wanted. Well, he did drop off a whole bag of tea leaves, he told himself as he tapped out and sent his reply.

'100 percent'.

* * *

Early Friday morning brought a rare occurrence of good news for the slate haired young man. While lying face up on an examination table, he listened patiently as Dr. Spears explained the biopsy procedure. Having assumed the worst, he was pleasantly surprised when the doctor informed him of a slight change.

"I ordered a bone marrow biopsy instead of a round of the three select DRE biopsies. It will be less painful and provide enough results at the same time." Dr. Spears explained as he swabbed a small area on the skin covering Ciel's pelvic bone with an alcohol pad. "First, I will numb the area, aspirate, then finally remove a sample from your bone marrow." The doctor glanced at Ciel who nodded in understanding. "You came here alone, didn't you?"

With no hope of getting out of the discussion, Ciel merely turned his head towards the wall of the treatment room. Instead of answering, he focused on something else to complain about; the thin blue hospital gown he was wearing. He shivered and mentally cursed the coolness of the room.

"I hate how cold this Goddamn room is." He snapped, rubbing his hands over the goose bumps surfacing on his arms. "I'll die of pneumonia before I die of cancer."

Dr. Spears pushed his glasses up with one finger, fixing Ciel with a smirk. "You did not inform your parents yet." It was more a statement than a question. The doctor knew the boy too well.

"No, I did not!" Ciel spat, turning his head to look up at his physician. "I opted instead to tell them I was gay!"

Well, Dr. Spears mused internally, and I thought I knew him well.

Ciel could not read the emotionless facade of his doctor's face, but something seemed to stir within the pair of piercing green eyes. Numerous thoughts were circulating around the doctor's mind and Ciel feared he had crossed some line in their relationship.

"I'm sorry." He murmured. It wasn't his doctor's fault that his situation had gotten so out of control and damaging. Ciel had to make things right with Dr. Spears. "I shouldn't have told you that. I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable..."

"Please do not insult me, Ciel." Dr. Spears replied curtly, turning to retrieve a small syringe filled with a clear liquid. "To think that something as trivial as your sexual preference would deter me from administering the best treatment for your survival is unbelievably absurd. Now breathe in deeply." Ciel took a deep breath and winced as the freshly sterilized area of skin was punctured with the needle. "You are who you are."

Another syringe was picked up from the small metal tray situated next to Ciel and Dr. Spears carefully attached a hollowed needle to it before pressing it into the young man's skin. Even with the numbing agent, the dull ache and pressure of the needle pulsed steadily within his body. Fingers gripped the soft pad of the table while Ciel forced himself to relax.

"Just a little more, Ciel." Dr. Spears soothed when a hard push was delivered as the needle found its way into the bone. "I need only to extract a small sample of bone marrow."

The sounds of panting and deep breathing filled the air of the small medical room. Blue eyes darted around, frantically searching for anything of interest to concentrate on.

"Would you like me to drive you home?" Ciel's rested his eyes on the doctor's face at the question.

"Why would you do that?" He asked, surprised at the offer.

In one swift motion the needle was removed and quickly placed in a plastic container. The doctor sealed it shut before pulling a pen from his pocket and marking the label on the lid. As he placed clean gauze and sterile tape over the biopsied area he replied. "Getting a cab during rush hour will be near impossible and this is going to begin hurting in about half an hour. Don't be stubborn and allow me to bring you home."

Ciel sighed, the doctor was right, as usual, and it was almost 9am. He wanted to go home as quickly as possible to crash on the couch for two hours before heading to his afternoon studio class with Alois.

"Thank you, Dr. Spears." He said while attempting to sit up. It proved a bit difficult with the numbed spot on his side. "Can I get dressed now?"

The doctor nodded. "Yes, meet me outside of my office when you are finished."

The ride home was pleasant enough; the soft strains of classical music filled the luxurious sports car and Ciel settled into the soft leather seat. Glancing at his driver as Dr. Spears had both hands on the wheel and a look of strict concentration on his face.

Passing block after block, Ciel closed his eyes to the city scenes and immersed himself into the music. It was melodic and haunting, a collection of sounds full of despair and wrought with loneliness. "Grief" Ciel whispered his thought as his hands balled into fists on his lap.

The doctor noticed the telltale sign of his patient's discomfort and allowed one hand to drift over; clasping Ciel's in his. "Barber, Adagio For Strings, 1936." He said, nudging Ciel's hands. "It is a very melancholy piece, but even beauty can be found amongst the most tragic." The doctor's voice drifting off and the young man struggled to hear the last bit.

Ciel found himself staring at his doctor, unsure of what he meant and whether he was talking about classical music or himself.

The car slowed down in front of Ciel's building where several trees framing the facade had already turned golden red, losing their leaves to the blustery winds of late autumn.

"Am I like those trees?" Ciel mused as he unclicked his seat belt while gazing at the fiery display. "Vibrant and alive one season, stripped bare and dying the following season?"

"No, Ciel." He turned to face his doctor who had leaned across his seat to look him directly in his eyes. "You are an evergreen, resilient and unyielding. Regardless of the season's ferocity , your true self has never changed."

The doctor reached up and cupped Ciel's cheek. He had watched this young man grow for the past 9 years, administering hundreds of life saving procedures and a part of him felt as if he owned the right to place himself in a high status within Ciel's life. Another part of him felt as if Ciel himself owned him as not a day or night went by that those deep blue eyes didn't pass through his thoughts.

Not until today did he ever dream he stood a chance with the 20 year younger man. Not until today.

"I-uh... I better get upstairs." Ciel felt a heated blush coming and he wasn't sure why this was all happening right now.

Dr. Spears dropped his hand and turned back to the steering wheel. "Make sure to remove the dressing tomorrow morning and clean it gently. Then cover it up with a regular band aid." He instructed.

"Of course, doctor." Ciel replied softly. "Thank you. I'll see you next week." He quickly exited the car and ran into the building without looking back.

As the doctor drove away, a pair of garnet eyes watched across the street in a small cafe with mixed interest and jealousy.


	12. Chapter 12

**Hola mi**   **Queridos Calaveros de Dulce!**

 **Just a quick note, in chapter 8 the lyrics Sebastian texted to Ciel are from the song "Wild Horses" by The Rolling Stones**.

**I love quoting lyrics so from now on I will be adding author's notes at the end of every chapter that features a song.**

**Ah, I do love your reviews! Graciay a todos por los maravillosos comentarios!**

**Lol I just love letting my Latina fantastical come out!**

**Besos y amor**

**Anime Cujo- Amiga hermosa Y escritor De talento, graciAs por su ayuda**

**Enjoy and review! Thanks**!

* * *

"Lens cap, lens cap. Where the hell is my lens cap?" A string of curses were soon let loose after Ciel knocked his elbow into his desk drawer. He was frantic; Sebastian was due any minute at his doorstep and he was still trying to get his camera equipment packed and ready to go.

He had texted the black haired male to meet him at his apartment at 10 am Saturday morning and Sebastian had replied with a simple 'Yes, My Lord', however, didn't engage any further witty remarks as he usually did. Ciel assumed he had caught him during a busy time and thought no more of it.

A sense of excitement and apprehension battled for dominance within Ciel. He was undoubtedly attracted to Sebastian, but more than just the physical, he was attracted to the older male's humorous teasing and confidence. He felt safe around him, comforted and protected. The few times he had succumbed to panic attacks, it was Sebastian who acted as an anchor amongst the rough waters, keeping Ciel grounded amidst the turbulent seas of fear and anxiety.

Cautiously, with a hesitant heart, Ciel had begun to care for the man he just met two weeks ago.

"I'm hopeless." He muttered to himself, finally retrieving the lens cap from under a pile of papers on his desk. After a quick assessment of his equipment had proved that all was satisfactory, Ciel checked the time on his watch.

A knot formed in his stomach, nausea and dread bit deeply into him, forming a dark cloud over his good mood. Chewing his bottom lip, Ciel held his wrist up to the morning light spilling through his bedroom window.

It was only the size of a quarter, but it blazed a dark angry purple against his milk white skin; a bruise. His fingers gingerly touched the small contusion resting just above his left wrist bone; it hadn't been there last night, he would have noticed it in the shower. Holding his breath, Ciel lifted the sleeve of his thin black sweater and cringed. Six more bruises, like a trail of beetles, marched up his arm.

A short round of knocks came from his apartment door and jolted him out of his thoughts.

"Shit!" He hissed, covering his arm with the sleeve. Willing himself to remain calm and breathe normally, Ciel sprinted to the door and eagerly swung it open.

"Hey...!" A blur of black hair and dark leather swept in from the hallway and wrapped itself around Ciel's small frame. The young man inhaled the generously intoxicating smell of lavender and tea, relishing in the familiar scent as he was tenderly cradled in Sebastian's arms.

What would his life be like right now if he didn't have this, distraction? They seemed to fit perfectly together, their bodies pressed closely in an impromptu embrace; face buried in feather soft locks of ebony hair while his own dark slate strands brushing against Sebastian's neck.

Without much hesitation, Ciel's arms found their way around Sebastian's waist; enthralled by the feel of the solid and yet lean form. It wasn't easy, the last time he hugged someone so intimately was...

Oh no...Ciel felt the approaching dread and braced himself for the impact.

"I wasn't lying when I said I missed you." Sebastian purred, nuzzling the side of Ciel's neck. In his proper opinion, the boy smelled delicious. "Whatever your pleasures are for today, I am at your mercies." He punctuated the last word with a chaste kiss on Ciel's cheek.

Breathe in, breathe out, Ciel chanted silently, gripping the leather jacket.

"My mercies?" Ciel teased, forcing the words to sound calm and steady. Sebastian smirked at the playful tone and he released Ciel, stepping back to enjoy the view of the blue eyed young man.

"Yours and yours alone." He winked.

Ciel blushed. "Would you like me to fill you in on the plans for today or do you like surprises?"

"Surprise me." Sebastian stated, scanning the apartment; curiosity piqued. "Nice flat, have you been here long?"

"I just moved in last year." Ciel turned to grab his jacket from the arm of the couch. "I grew up in the suburbs, but I always wanted to live and go to school in the city"

Sebastian lifted an eyebrow "Really? Why is that?"

Ciel checked his camera bag one more time. "New York City is the center of everything." He answered, shuffling the heavy bag on his shoulder. "Everyone and everything is different and unique. You have culture, art, music, dance, everything from everywhere is here." Lowering his eyes, he gestured towards Sebastian. "And you meet the most interesting people."

A pleased hum left Sebastian. "Agreed." Grabbing the camera bag and slinging it over his own shoulder before Ciel could stop him. "Allow me."

Ciel glared. "I'm perfectly capable of carrying my equipment without any help!"

"I'm sure you are, but I'm being a gentleman and you have a bruise above your collar bone." Sebastian reached over and delicately brushed the area with his fingers. "And I'm thinking that the friction from the strap will only make it worse."

Horror swept through Ciel and he spun around to the hall bathroom. Flicking the light on, he faced the mirror and felt a sickening twist in his stomach. There, clear as day, was another quarter sized bruise. His shirt was loose and had shifted down in the front when he had hoisted the bag onto his shoulder.

"It's probably from hefting that bag around." Sebastian popped his head into the bathroom. "Or is it a love bite?" He added with a devilish grin.

Ciel pulled the shirt to cover the mark and frowned, turning to Sebastian. "Love bite? Like a hickey? You must be joking." He snorted. "Pervert."

"Is it so farfetched?" Sebastian leaned against the door frame and shrugged. "I wouldn't be shocked."

For some strange reason, the remark left Ciel uncomfortable and angry. It wasn't an outright accusation, but it certainly smelled of innuendo.

"I am not cheap." He spat, pushing his way past Sebastian. "I don't do things like that! And I never gave you that impression of me." He stood in the middle of the living room, arms crossed and a scowl deeply embedded on his face. Sebastian pushed himself off the frame and strode into the room, stopping in front Ciel with his hands on his hips. He met the college student's glare with one of his own.

"Maybe not," he mused, cocking his head to the side, "but I still don't know you that well and everyone is capable of a secret or two."

"Secret?" Ciel swallowed, panic erupting violently through him. It's not possible, he can't know! Ciel thought fearfully. "Are you trying to tell me that you think I'm not being fully upfront with you?" He prayed his tone would not betray the chaos of feelings raging within him.

"Perhaps." Sebastian replied flatly.

Because there was no other recourse, Ciel played ignorant. "I'm shy, I've never really dated. I go to school, drink tea, and have panic attacks that render me helpless and pathetic, what secret could I possibly be hiding from you?"

"I saw you in a car yesterday with another man. He was touching your face." An accusatory tone gripped Sebastian's voice. "I was sitting in The Brewhouse Cafe across the street waiting for you..."

The sudden realization that Sebastian was so close to discovering his morbid secret sent more red flags to Ciel. The only alternative to telling Sebastian the truth was to shift the attention to something else.

"Oh, God!" Ciel stepped back, feigning shock. "I don't believe this, you're a stalker!"

"No! I'm not a stalker!" Sebastian scoffed, lacing both hands through his hair in frustration. "I'm just daft enough to think that I could come knock you up unannounced and not find you having a tender moment with some bloke in an expensive sports car!"

"What the fu..wait! You wanted to knock me up!?"

"No, no, no!" Damn you, Americans!" At this point both men were beyond exasperation. The heavy burden of guilt rolled over Ciel's heart; he knew he had to lie, again.

"The man you saw is my family doctor, a close friend of my parents." He explained calmly. "After my physical he gave me a ride home. What you saw was an act of kindness; he's known me since I was a kid. Now tell me," his eyes narrowed, "why were you watching me?"

Doubt clouded Sebastian's face. "Family friend? Not a lover, an ex, a steady, a lay...?"

"No!" Ciel snapped. "Now answer my question!"

Sebastian looked down at his shoes; long dark bangs fell loose around his face covering his eyes. "I didn't mean to watch." He couldn't look at Ciel, he had made a quick assumption and was going to pay dearly for it. "I came by and waited at the cafe because . . .," suddenly he waved Ciel off and turned around, "ah, just forget it!"

"No! I'm not going to forget it!" Ciel grabbed him by the arm and whirled him around. "Why did you come by?"

"Blimey!" Sebastian muttered, his exhaled slowly and met Ciel's urgent gaze. "I came by...I came by to say hello, that's all."

"That's it?"

"Yes, that's it."

"Even though I told you I was busy today and would see you Saturday?" A coy smile formed on Ciel's face. This was truly an interesting moment. Never in a million years did he ever think he would find a drop dead gorgeous Englishman having a full blown jealous fit over him. The idea brought on an instant feeling of giddiness and for the first time that day, Ciel felt light, beautiful, wanted. These feelings were a drug much kinder than morphine, far sweeter than vicodin. The need to feel this good urged him to give in to Sebastian, however unreasonable his explanation may prove to be.

"I couldn't wait to see you. All I wanted was to catch a moment with you." Sebastian admitted sheepishly. "In truth, I was completely gob smacked when I saw you with that fit bloke, but I didn't want to believe that you had some other on the side."

"Wow, ok, so let's clear this up." Ciel pursed his lips and tapped an index finger against his chin. He wanted to mimic Sebastian's actions from last Saturday night. "If I were to be dating other people, either casually or seriously, you'd be upset?"

"Yes."

"Why?" A set of gleaming white teeth peeked through a crack of a smile.

Sebastian fought back the urge to grab the young male and lap his tongue across Ciel's teeth. "Very simply put, I want only you and I expect the same in return"

"Do you now?" Blue eyes sparkling with amusement.

"Yes."

"And what if I don't want to just see you?" Ciel was clearly enjoying this. The art of flirting, complete with coy glances, lidded eyes and quirking lips was unknown territory to him. Fortunately, he was a fast learner. "What if I meet more interesting strangers eager to save me from panic attacks?"

A sensuous smile snaked its way across Sebastian's face. "How can I convince you?" He purred, reaching out and gently stroking Ciel's cheek with the back of his hand. The young man's skin was supple and warm; Sebastian itched to feel more of it, his imagination offering up ideas of what the rest of Ciel's body must feel like. "I can assure you that you will never meet a stranger quite like me."

The room became quiet and Ciel watched in an almost trancelike state as Sebastian moved closer, his steps quiet against the plush carpeting. Large hands cradled the back of Ciel's head and slowly drew him forth, their faces only an inch apart. Ciel could feel Sebastian's breath on his lips; they were so very close, their chests flush against one another.

Ciel felt the steady rise and fall of the chiseled form before him, the thud of Sebastian's heart beating a rhythmic song of desire and arousal. He wanted so much, so soon, so badly, that it ached. Nothing made sense except for that little voice pleading with him to tell, to open up and explain the myriad of fears and realities plaguing his life. But he was imprisoned within his need to keep Sebastian at a distance for fear of losing him.

"Not like this..." Ciel whispered, his voice shaking slightly as it broke through the haze of sexual tension.

"Why ever not?" Sebastian breathed; a soft kiss was placed on Ciel's cheek. The dance of seduction had begun.

"Please," he begged quietly, his lips quivering slightly, "you don't understand..."

"Help me to understand." Sebastian trailed the tip of his warm tongue along the shell of Ciel's ear, pausing to nibble on the tender lobe. Slowly, he grazed his cheek against the side of Ciel's face until he was able to lock eyes with him.

A slip of air was all that separated their lips and Sebastian placed another kiss on the tip of Ciel's nose, earning a shiver of delight. The soft moan that escaped Ciel's throat sent bolts of arousal through the older male. Unwilling to hold back his longing for closer contact, he chanced a swift peck upon the silken pink mouth and once again awaited permission to devour the young man.

Fully immersed in the exchange of heat and cautious desire between them, a trickle of something wet trailing down the swell of Ciel's cheek almost went unnoticed by Sebastian.

Almost.

Confused, he tilted Ciel's face to get a better look at him. There were tears falling silently down Ciel's flushed cheeks, his blue eyes large with sadness and shame.

"Wh-What's wrong?" Sebastian stammered, wiping the rivulets with his thumbs as he held the young man. "Do you not want me to hug or touch you? Have I wronged you in any way?"

Ciel shook his head, covering the large hand with his own and rubbing them gently. "No," he whispered, meeting Sebastian's eyes, "I'm not crazy, but I have been through so much." He closed his eyes and squeezed the older man's hands.

"So goddamn much and it's been a long time since I've felt this good around someone. You do things that frighten a small part of me, but at the same time make me feel amazing. I don't let people get too close, but I feel like I can do that with you." He continued. "I'm just afraid you'll get tired of me and these issues. Tired of getting to know someone who can't accept something so simple as a hug or a kiss without breaking down. I swear, I'm not weak" His voice halted as he searched for the right words. "I'm slightly...damaged."

"I see only perfection." Sebastian soothed, his hands slipping away from Ciel's face and coming to rest softly on his shoulder. "You are a culmination of everything you have been through. A mixture of some misery and some joy has created this beautiful young man standing before me." Ciel attempted to look away, but Sebastian pressed his lips against his ear and continued. "I asked you to take a chance with me, but I also want to take a chance with you. There's nothing about you that I want to run from. If anything, I cannot resist wanting to be with you." Long fingers grasped Ciel's chin and slowly turned his face, their eyes trained on one another. "If you don't want me, then say so, but I'm gathering that's not the case. I want to be with you, I want to know you, understand you, eventually hold you and kiss you at my leisure, do you want the same?"

Ciel stared wide eyed and shyly nodded. Everything seemed to too surreal, how was it possible that anyone as alluring and special as Sebastian would willingly sign up for this?

Sebastian pressed his forehead against Ciel's "I don't think you quite understand how much of a hold you have over me."

Ciel frowned "I have a hold over you?"

"Yes, My Lord." Sebastian chuckled deeply and Ciel rolled his eyes.

"Are you sure?" He asked slowly, the heady sensation of Sebastian's touch easing his frayed nerves.

"100 percent."

* * *

It seemed as if all 843 acres of Central Park was buzzing with human and animal activity. The air was crisp, but the mid October sun swept warmth and brightness throughout the colorful burnt orange trees and concrete pathways.

Ciel loved walking, and sometimes cycling, through the urban park. The flora and fauna consisting of scampering squirrels and a vast variety of bird life nestled among lush trees. It never ceased to amaze Ciel how such intense natural beauty cod coexist with the bustling city beast known as Manhattan.

Sebastian breathed in the fresh aroma of greenery and damp leaves, loving the weather since it reminded him of his home in England. A pang of homesickness prodded his heart, but it quickly dissipated when he felt Ciel's hand on his shoulder.

"Look." The young man whispered, pointing towards a small child sitting on a wrought iron bench. "See the little girl with the bright red coat?"

Sebastian nodded; admiring the sweet faced child who seemed no older than 5 years old. He noted the beautiful contrast of her black hair against her olive skin and fire engine red pea coat. Lively almond shaped brown eyes watched intently as a pigeon pecked for bread crumbs near her swinging booted feet. She was completely enthralled with the gray white bird, tossing it flakey treats from a brown paper bag held firmly within her small hands.

Ciel lifted his professional digital camera in front of his face and carefully took several images of the lone beauty.

"Do you know her?" Sebastian asked quietly.

"No," Ciel responded, "but her nanny drops her off at that bench every Saturday for an hour to feed pigeons while she talks on her cell two benches down." Sebastian looked up and noticed a twenty something blonde chatting animatedly on her phone. To his disdain, she was totally ignoring the young child.

"She makes a beautifully sad subject." Ciel put his camera back in his bag. "I wish she wasn't ignored. I guess that's why I'm drawn to her. Every photo I take looks more lonely than the last." He bit his lip and glanced at Sebastian. "Have you ever been lonely?"

As surprised as Sebastian was at being asked such a random question, his answer came quickly. "Yes, I have felt great loneliness and quite honestly, there are times I still feel alone, but not as often as I used to." He added smiling.

"I can't imagine you ever feeling lonely." Ciel threw a small smile at the dark haired child as they strolled by her and she offered him a wide grin and small wave in return.

Sebastian brushed a wisp of dark blue hair away from Ciel's face and tucked it behind his ear. "Why would you say that?" He asked, playfully scratching a spot behind the college student's ear.

Roses bloomed across Ciel's cheeks; he was thoroughly enjoying the gentle ministrations. "I don't know, you just seem so confident and self-assured. I can't imagine you having a hard time finding company"

Sebastian snorted. "True, can't argue that".

Ciel huffed, reaching into his bag to retrieve his camera. "Arrogant bastard." He growled, taking the lens cap off from his camera.

Sebastian smirked and wrapped his arm around Ciel's waist, pulling him closely to his side. "But that doesn't mean that I don't miss my home and my family." They stopped walking. "There are still times when I feel very different from everyone else. Like I'm disconnected, unable to truly feel accepted and open and..." a look of pain came and went from Sebastian's face, "safe. Sometimes it's difficult to feel safe with someone because you don't want to be judged, nor treated a certain way different from others."

A cool breeze wafted through the trees, causing a small shower of golden yellow and purple red leaves to float over them like a drizzle of rain. Ciel stared at the tall beautiful man surrounded by the autumn foliage and his heart swelled. He understands, he thought as comfort and relief washed over him.

"When I'm with you, Ciel," Sebastian leaned in and claimed a light kiss on his lips, "I don't remember what lonely is anymore."

Ciel closed his eyes, he knew he wanted to go forward and feel more, do more, be more with Sebastian. His fears were being thrown into the dark corners of his mind; this was the time to risk it because he just didn't know when this chance would happen again. Carefully clipping the lens cap onto his camera, Ciel placed the camera back into his bag, zipping the case and looking up at Sebastian.

Without a word, Ciel slowly slid his hands into Sebastian's dark hair, gliding and twisting his fingers through the silken locks. Red eyes watched the younger male's face, the deep blue orbs like magnets holding him tightly in their endless depths. Ciel's fingers burned from the heated feeling of touching the older man's porcelain skin as they found their way to Sebastian's face.

"Kiss me." Ciel begged softly. "Please."

Sebastian reached out and cradled Ciel's head with both hands, kissing him softly. Their lips moved tenderly, hesitant to some degree. There was a hint of fear that he would go too far and drive Ciel away, but Sebastian took his time lavishing the younger one's mouth with gentle strokes of his tongue and little languid bites on his bottom lip. Ciel stood docile and enraptured with the feeling of being gently feasted upon by the most irresistible man he had ever met.

Unable to hd back, Sebastian carefully coaxed his tongue past parted lips, delighting in the sweet taste of Ciel. Tilting his head to the side, Sebastian deepened their kiss, a sensual moan hummed deep within his throat.

It was pure bliss.

* * *

"It's called the barter system." Sebastian explained with a seemingly innocent grin on his face. "I give you something and then you give me something of equal value in return."

Ciel eyed the Englishman warily. It was lunchtime and they had grabbed a cab from the park to West 42nd Street, about three blocks from Sebastian's dance studio. After their first real kiss, which Sebastian described as "succulent", Ciel had scowled and responded by labeling Sebastian as a "first class pervert", they had walked around choosing various photo subjects for Ciel's project. He wanted Sebastian to experience firsthand how important photography was to him. The need to share his talent and passion with Sebastian was overwhelmingly important to Ciel, like a bonding experience.

Sebastian had suggested a visit to his studio, but first he offered up a new "business proposition" for the bluenette. Ciel had the distinct feeling that the older male was trying to pull a fast one on him. Sighing, he decided to entertain the handsome man and go along with whatever crazy idea he was going to come up with.

"I see, capitalism at its best. You do realize I understand the art of the deal?" Ciel drawled, cocking his head to one side. "First you have to tell me what you want."

"Precisely, I want a nip of your neck, right now." Sebastian stated simply.

"Excuse me?" Ciel's jaw dropped as he stared with disbelief at him.

"You heard right, I want to nip your delectable neck and I'm willing to smash out." A devious grin stretched across his face as he stopped in front of a small store front. "Using these as my quids." Sebastian motioned towards the store, the sign reading "Crumbs" and in an instant Ciel felt his stomach grumble with anticipation.

It was a gourmet cupcake store, one of the top most celebrated of all gourmet cupcake stores in New York.

"Ok, all perversions aside and drop the King's English, but what item of equal value are we talking about here?" Ciel frowned; he knew his neck was on the line.

"Alright, here's the deal." Sebastian rubbed Ciel's arm with his hand as he led him towards the small shop "I purchase any five large cupcakes you desire and I get to snog your neck."

"How romantic." Grumbled Ciel. "I'm not much of a dessert person." He crossed his arms and stubbornly stood his ground outside of the shop entrance.

Sebastian laughed. "Don't hand me a load of codswallop you cheeky brat, I counted five boxes of assorted cakes and cookies on your dining room table. Not to mention the rather impressive jar of biscotti on your kitchen counter." He leaned into Ciel's ear, "and when I kissed you I tasted strawberries and some kind of sweet cream." Ciel swallowed audibly, the huskiness of Sebastian's voice bringing a pleasurable tremble down his back. "You love your sweets," the velvet voiced man purred, pushing Ciel into the delicious smelling shop, "and I'm going to love tasting your neck."

Ciel blushed furiously. "You are a degenerate," he hissed before hungrily eyeballing the plethora of gorgeously decorated and scrumptious array of treats.

Rows upon rows of long rectangular metal trays showcased a splendid assortment of elaborately decorated cupcakes. Among the copious display of treats were flavors like red velvet swirled with cheesecake frosting, shredded coconut and dark chocolate, hazelnut creams and strawberry shortcake with fresh whipped cream topping. Ciel caught sight of a cupcake with a smooth milk chocolate topping and a single swirling white cream laced across the top. It looked like a giant Hostess cupcake.

"I want that one." He pointed eagerly "And one red velvet, one black and white, the fruit tart cupcake, and the German Forest cupcake."

"Ah, devil's food cake," hummed Sebastian, "my favorite."

"Pfft, it would be." Ciel smirked. "I want the fruit tart one right now," Reaching over the counter and shoving the sweet into his mouth before the cashier could wrap it up.

"Fine, but I expect my payment now." Sebastian smiled wickedly.

A small peep escaped Ciel's mouth when Sebastian grasped the nape of his head and pulled it back, revealing his swan like neck. Blue eyes blinked widely as the situation suddenly became very clear to Ciel.

"Now?" He squeaked, grabbing the lapel of Sebastian's jacket lest he fall backwards. "You can't be serious!" A growl was the only answer he received before a pair of warm wet lips attached themselves to the side of his neck just above his collar bone.

It was like being branded with pleasurable fire, pain that felt so good that Ciel almost groaned out loud from the heat pooling quickly between his legs. This was an all-new feeling, an erotic experience he would have never dared to imagine. Sounds of suckling intermingled with a low guttural moan filled Ciel's ears and he closed his eyes as his neck was being deliciously marked.

"Um, sir? Please, you need to stop!" The cashier was an older woman, her face bearing a most unamused and annoyed scowl.

Ciel's eyes shot open, the sudden realization of where they were burnt a deep red shade of embarrassment across his face. He struggled to will away his own problematic arousal and began shaking Sebastian off of his body.

"Seb...ah!...Seba,...oh God...Sebastian! Get off!" He demanded, shoving the panting man away. The area Sebastian had victimized throbbed dully and he was sure there was to be a mark there. But much to his surprise, Ciel liked it.

No, he loved it.

"Ah, pardon me, got a bit carried away." Sebastian breathed deeply and smiled. "I mistook him for one of these delectable treats."

Ciel rolled his eyes. "Idiot."

"Sir, please just take your cupcakes and leave." The cashier frowned her disapproval as she shoved the bag towards Ciel before they quickly exited the store.

"I can't believe...ow!" Ciel touched the heated welt and winced. "You beast! I can't believe I let you do that to me!"

"Another first with me," Sebastian crowed, "and you enjoyed every second of it."

"Ass." Ciel mumbled, popping the last spongy piece of cupcake into his mouth and chewed it with relish.

Sebastian watched with great interest as Ciel's small cat like tongue darted out to lick the last remnants of chocolate and fruit syrup from his dainty fingers. His breath hitched, a throbbing need pulsing through his body as he blatantly stared at Ciel sucking the sugary concoction from his digits.

"Blimey." He whispered, resisting the urge to shove his hand down the front of his pants. His need to relieve the pressure was great, but maybe if Ciel was feeling permissive, perhaps when they got to the dance studio...

"Wipe that lascivious smile off your face." Ciel ordered sternly as they continued walking down the block towards West 45th Street. "We've done quite enough today."

Sebastian chuckled, "As you wish, my Little Lord."


	13. Chapter 13

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* * *

A low hum left Dr. Spears throat as he carefully read the lab reports for Ciel Phantomhive. His long fingers tapped fingers against the side of his wire glasses and he knitted his brows as green eyes surveyed the results. The numbers did not bode well and he grimaced knowing they might get worse before they improved.

That is, if they improved.

Releasing a pent up sigh, the doctor looked up from the reports and pondered the situation at hand.

His patient of nine years had an aggressive form of cancer and the treatments would have to be equally tenacious, if not more so. The young man was going to become incredibly ill in a short period of time due in part to the illness, as well as the medication used to combat it. He had also refused to disclose the recurrence of the cancer to his family, thus effectively shutting out a much needed source of support.

His patient was a beautiful young man and Dr. Spears was in love with him.

"Damn it all!" He hissed in frustration, closing his eyes tightly and rubbing his temples with his fingertips.

For almost a full decade he had watched Ciel grow from a scrawny, shy young child into a beautiful, quietly proud young man. Every year the doctor lost himself a little more in the depths of those sapphire eyes, wanting so much to kiss the lids and feel those curled black lashes flutter against his lips.

The gentle pangs of emotional attachment hadn't surfaced until Ciel was 17 and finally on his way to what appeared to be a miraculous recovery. It was sometime during the spring, the young man had been sitting by the window in the doctor's office while his parents were straightening out last minute exit forms with Spear's office manager down the hall. A bright beam of sunlight had cut through the blinds and rested against a portion of silky blue hair. Ciel's eyes were closed as he basked in the warmth of the quickly approaching season and the knowledge that he would live a long life.

Dr. Spears had looked up from his mountain of files to remind his patient about monthly maintenance, no need to have the boy think that their work was finished, but he found his voice completely gone when he looked at the young teen.

Ciel was alive, glowing, unblemished, breathing, living, here...

He was still here.

And then the dam broke. The wall of cold indifference crumbled, a carefully constructed tower of impassiveness shattered. Spears had learned, and believed, that a patient was a broken piece of human machinery and that he, the doctor, was trained to fix it. If the patient was beyond repair, he would ease them into oblivion.

Pure and simple.

Ciel was pure, but he certainly wasn't simple. No, he was at times obstinate, stubborn, prideful, but he trusted the doctor with everything the man could offer. However in that moment, when the sun spilled like water over Ciel's hair, Dr. Spears imagined never seeing that again. He imagined his hair falling out in clumps again to reveal a bluish white scalp, the porcelain skin yellowed and sunken in, the ocean eyes hollowed and dull with pain and misery.

His heart swelled and broke all at once with adoration.

Dr. Spears had never loved anyone with the same faithfulness as he did Ciel and once again the young man's life had been laid in the palm of his hands. He would deliver as much salvation as he humanly could because a world without Ciel was not worth living in at all.

He cannot die, he told himself, I will not lose him.

* * *

Ciel was already on to his third cupcake by the time they reached Sebastian's dance studio.

"Danse Macabre Company." He read aloud the large elaborate sign gracing the facade of the building. "The Dance of Death." Ciel frowned at the strange irony, hoping that this was not an omen of dark days to come.

Still, he admired the gothic themed design, the letters styled in a deep black calligraphy against a stark white background. A picturesque store front window revealed a rather spacious dance area framed by heavy black curtains.

Licking the last of the chocolate frosting from his bottom lip, Ciel rolled his eyes when he heard a low growl emitted from Sebastian. "You are a deviant." He muttered as a small smile played at the corner of his lips. It had become so easy to turn the tables on Sebastian and tease him relentlessly.

"We don't open on Saturdays until 4 pm." Sebastian explained as he unlocked the entrance door and flicked on the lights. "Unless we are preparing for a production, most of our practices and training sessions are during the afternoon and evening."

Ciel nodded and entered the hallway which led to the separated studios. It was so quiet, a muted world secured from the white static noise of busy urban life. The entire space seemed to exist in its own aura of calm energy.

"We house five individual dance rooms. Two on the first floor and three smaller ones on the second level." Sebastian took off his jacket and reached for Ciel's. "We train ballroom dancers on the down here and we run the private classes upstairs."

The first level rooms were rather large with glossy pale yellow wood floors surrounded by full length mirrors. The rooms upstairs were smaller and windowless, however the bright recessed lighting served its purpose well. Ciel took a deep breath and recognized the intoxicating smell that hung lightly in the air.

"Lavender and tea." He murmured. The fragrance was uniquely Sebastian and it permeated throughout the rooms. Ciel wanted to bathe in it, sink deep into the softness of the older male's pleasant scent .

"Careful there, love." Sebastian flicked Ciel's nose with his index finger. "That sort of deep breathing is bound to get you in trouble."

He swatted the hand away from his face and pouted. "You just love teasing me, don't you?"

Sebastian laughed and slipped his arms around Ciel's small waist, gently drawing their bodies together. Slender arms shyly crept up and encircled Sebastian's neck, a nervous smile spreading over the young man's face. Timid fingers curled into Sebastian's black hair, grasping it softly as Ciel marveled at the connection he instantly felt when his fingertips brushed against the soft skin.

"I want to kiss you again." Sebastian whispered, his voice husky and raw. "May I?" His large hands traced the college student's slim body, his mind filled with the wonderment at how delicate and yet strong Ciel felt within his arms.

Ciel tilted his head up, closing his eyes and nuzzling Sebastian's chiseled jaw with his nose. "I'm waiting," he breathed, pressing a slow kiss upon the strong chin.

The raven haired man smirked; fully aware of the tingling sensation where Ciel's lips had touched his skin. Sebastian hungrily pressed his lips against the awaiting plump mouth, suckling the young man's bottom lip, tasting the sweet remnants of chocolate and powdered sugar.

It drove Sebastian wild with desire and Ciel parted his lips to grant the older male's tongue entrance. The warm muscles gently stroked against each other; teeth clicking as erotic moans slipped past the deep kiss. Sebastian desperately tasted and bit every inch of Ciel's mouth, enjoying the sounds of pleasure and pain it produced.

Deep wine eyes cracked open to revel in the red hot blush splashed across Ciel's cheeks; his lips swollen and moist. "Is this ok?" Sebastian asked hurriedly, planting wet kisses and nips up Ciel's neck. "Do you want to stop?"

"No. Don't stop!" Ciel begged, pulling Sebastian's hair and burying his face into the dark locks. "I want you right now."

Sebastian growled low in his throat and roughly shoved Ciel's body up against a wall. Blue eyes flew wide open as a huff escaped his lips from the impact. Wrapping his leg round Sebastian's hip, the student ground his growing arousal into the older man. He mewled as white hot pleasure raced through his body at the friction.

The older male groaned and rolled his hips into Ciel, his own want rigid and hot through his pants. Ciel bit his lower lip to keep any more embarrassing sounds from escaping, his inexperience making him feel utterly mortified while the lustful part of him wanted to cry out like a wanton whore.

In the end, the manhandling of his body by Sebastian left him no choice and Ciel let his gave into the beast. The one that had been lurking quietly within him all of those years waiting the right time to demand what it craved.

And demand it did.

Ciel moaned loudly, sucking greedily on Sebastian's earlobe as he thrust himself harder against the firm body trapped between his thighs. Sweat collected on their skin, the heat radiating in waves as their bodies rocked into one another with passionate desperation. There breathless mouths latched onto each other for another deep kiss, tilting their heads to delve further into their hot caverns, fueling a sensual appetite that threatened to tear them apart.

Sebastian broke the kiss, earning an annoyed glare from Ciel, and grasped the slate colored strands of hair. Jerking Ciel's head back, he hummed in approval at the smooth exposed throat and lapped his tongue along it like a thirsty cat in heat.

"Ah...God!" Ciel rasped, a shiver racing through is his body. Squeezing his eyes shut, he clung to the broad shoulders as the heat began to pool in his belly. Sebastian panted heavily as he thrust his stiff cock against Ciel's, the arousing sensations driving him mad.

"D-Do you w-want...Ah..me to...Bloody Hell!...to stop?" Sebastian managed to get out, doing his best to stave off his impending climax.

"No!" Ciel grunted, running a hand down Sebastian's heaving chest. "You make me...nmgah!...you make me feel..." He gasped, needing air more than words at the moment.

Sebastian's teeth sunk into Ciel's neck, moaning into the supple skin as the taste of the younger male overwhelmed his senses. His thoughts were a jumbled mess of desire and carnal sin. Never had he wanted anyone in his entire life with this much intensity. Ciel's sweet smell, his royal blue eyes, the plump pink lips and his lithe form, everything about him, turned the older male on immensely.

"What do I make you feel?" Sebastian whispered, placing soft kisses against Ciel's dewy face as he pulled him closer.

"You make me..." Ciel breathed and kissed Sebastian deeply, his fingers running through the ebony strands. Releasing his hold on the eager lips, he stared deeply into the vermilion gaze. "You make me feel...alive."

"Is that how it is then?" A smile slowly stretched across Sebastian's face, scarlet eyes gleaming with gratification. He released Ciel's waist and cradled his face with his hands. Marveling at the impossibly smooth feel of the slate hair as he brushed back the strands to reveal a flushed and damp face. He would sell his soul to the devil if only he could wake up every day to watch those big blue eyes flutter open next to him.

"Show me how alive you are." He murmured against the parted lips. Grasping his face, Sebastian kissed him, slowly rolling his hips into Ciel, a needy whine escaping the younger male.

"How?" Ciel asked, tone drunk on pleasure.

Sebastian stopped, he hadn't really thought much about his partner's inexperience. It had been years since he had to deal with a virgin, but this was different, there were other unknown issues involved and their sudden foray in the middle of a dimly lit dance studio hallway was probably not the best place to start.

"Ah, rutting on the second date, how utterly romantic." A voice drawled from the entrance of the room and the pair froze at the sound.

"Claude." Sebastian turned slowly, releasing Ciel. "How lovely of you to come early to work." He commented sarcastically as he glared at the tall man leaning against the receptionist's desk.

Golden eyes gleamed with barely hidden amusement. "Tch, I'm always early." He sneered, taking off his jacket and glancing at Ciel. "Wotcha up to, mate?"

"Hey there...what?" Ciel blinked, breathing was still labored, humiliation painted itself clearly across his face.

"Ah me, terribly sorry for interrupting." Claude sniggered, strolling by a fuming Sebastian. "But I have to prepare the studios for lessons, please clean up any...messes before our clientele arrive." He reached out and ruffled Ciel's hair as he made his way towards the stairways at the end of the hall.

"Arse." Sebastian grumbled, his body aching terribly as the heated exchange between him and his blue eyed prize began to ebb away.

Ciel rubbed his eyes and quickly covered a yawn with his hand. The numerous tests from the week had sapped most of his energy and he was finding that afternoon naps were becoming a daily routine in the last two weeks.

"I should get going." He stated regretfully, wanting to stay with Sebastian, but feeling much too drained.

"I'm sorry about that." Sebastian apologized softly, looking away as he fixed his gaze on the floor.

Ciel waved his hand in the air. "Oh, about Claude? Nah don't apologize. It's not your fa..."

"No, not that." Sebastian interrupted, finally looking up at Ciel again. "I meant I'm sorry for going that far with you." Hands on his hips.

Ciel rubbed his arms, the room had suddenly turned cold. "Y-You're sorry?" He stammered, a knot beginning to form in his stomach. "Why are you sorry? Is it me? " Biting his lip nervously. "Are you sorry because of me?"

Sebastian dropped his arms and wrapped them around the small waist. He pulled him close into a possessive hug before capturing his lips in a deep kiss.

"Don't." He breathed, lips still pressed against Ciel's. "Don't ever think you're not good enough. I've never met anyone like you and I'll be damned if I do anything to drive you away. I'll go at any pace you want, I'll do whatever you want. I'll never lie to you, Ciel, I mean every word. Just tell me what you want and I will do it. Fast or slow, it doesn't matter as long as you still want to be with me and no one else." The flower of Ciel's heart bloomed once again, the feeling stretching across his chest like a teeming garden, swallowing all darkness in its path.

"I want only you." He whispered, throwing his arms around Sebastian's neck and hugging him tightly. "Thank you."

Sebastian cocked his head to the side. "Why are you thanking me, love?"

Ciel stared into the pair of garnet eyes, remembering the first time he saw them. He had been so scared, so frightened at a loss of control of his life, and then there came Sebastian, his savior, his knight, the only person who could talk him away from the edge of despair and grief.

The only person who didn't know about his past.

"I'm thanking you for still being here with me." Ciel smiled, burying his face in the crook of Sebastian's neck. "For giving me a chance."

Sebastian tightened his embrace and closed his eyes. He knew there was something deeper beneath Ciel's surface and he was going to dig further to uncover the truth. But he was also in deep with the college student now. It had happened in such a stealthy manner that he had barely realized it up until this moment.

He wasn't going to lose Ciel.

Not now, not ever.

* * *

"Helllloooooooo?" The question echoed throughout the empty space as a mop of messy blonde hair peeked through the threshold. The sound of jingling keys resonated loudly in the empty apartment as Alois padded quietly across the old wooden floor.

"Ciel?" He called out hesitantly, stepping further into the apartment. "Dooooooood! I left one of my school forms here! Are you home?" When no one answered, Alois scampered into the kitchen, grabbing an apple before shuffling through some papers on the kitchen table.

"Bills, bills. Oooo coupon for Whole Foods! Bills..." He hummed as he munched away on his snack. Sky blue eyes landed on piece of paper and Alois halted is sorting to take a closer look. "Fuck, what is this?" Putting the apple down, he picked up the letter and scanned its contents.

The large blue and green letterhead of Mt. Sinai Hospital had caught his attention. He had seen it before on a t-shirt Ciel owned. It was a gift from the oncology staff that read "I'm A Survivor" on the back which Ciel would wear whenever he participated in a 5k run for cancer research fundraising.

Being naturally inquisitive, Alois began to skim through all the information and frowned when he realized it was Ciel's test results from his appointment over two weeks ago. The second document had a date on the paper for this past Tuesday. Ciel didn't mention going back to Dr. Spears, he thought.

"CBC results" Alois read aloud. "Elevated white blood cell count. Blah blah blah." He continued through the medical jargon until he reached the final paragraph. ". . . results from Lumbar exam reveal presence of abnormal cells, biopsy results pending." He frowned as he read over the last part again.

Alois had learned through Ciel what this all meant. Shaking his head, he blindly began reorganizing the papers with trembling hands as it all started to come together like a sick disjointed puzzle.

The panic attacks.

The sudden impulsive need to meet new people.

"He didn't tell me." The blonde mumbled in shock to himself. Walking out of the kitchen, he looked around and sighed heavily. "Nobody knows." Locking the door behind him, Alois whipped out his cell and contemplated dialing his best friend.

"Fuck." He growled, shoving the phone back into his pocket. "Fuck Fuck FUCK!" What was he going to say? That he found out Ciel was hiding the fact that he was sick again and, oh yeah, he discovered the truth by rifling through his private papers? Tears collected at the corners of his eyes, this wasn't his news to tell, he wasn't even a hundred percent sure of how bad it actually was, but there was something brewing and Ciel was keeping secrets.

Alois ran out of the building and headed for the nearest train station. He needed to clear his head and figure out a way to broach the subject without letting on that he knew. He thought carefully, there was no way Sebastian knew and Lizzie hadn't called him in a fit about the news so that meant she didn't know. Ciel would surely tell Lizzie before his own parents so that meant that his parents didn't know either. The grim truth was, his best friend was harboring a terrible secret and there was no one who could help him.

Except Dr. Spears.

"Oh God!" He begged as he flew down the steps of the station, a plan forming in his brain. "Please, please don't let me lose my friend!"


	14. Chapter 14

**Greetings My beautiful Candy Skullzzzzzz**

**Thanks again for all of the lovely reviews! I'm doing my best to respond to everyone, I've been getting plenty of PMs with wonderful comments and suggestions and I really appreciate the feedback!**

**I also realize its a short chapter but the next one is like double the length so no worries!**

**Heehee...I said "length"...**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

By the time Ciel had reached his apartment he had eaten two more large cupcakes and was feeling quite full and satisfied. Locking the door behind him, he flung his keys onto a small entry table and hung up his jacket in the cost closet. The urge for a hot cup of tea came on quickly after being chilled from the cool autumn afternoon weather, but thinking back on how he spent the day instantly warned him up.

"Sebastian." He sighed dreamily, walking towards the kitchen and placing the box with the last two remaining cupcakes in the fridge. Reaching for the new tin of Earl Grey tea leaves Sebastian had left on his doorstep two nights ago, he began preparations for his tea.

Ciel released another contented sigh as he inhaled the earthy floral scent of the leaves. Flicking the stove burner on, he chanced a quick glance at the small kitchen table and froze, teapot hanging in midair over the open flame.

Right next to a seemingly untouched pile of papers, coupons and unopened mail, laid a half-eaten apple.

Ciel despised apples. The only reason he purchased apples and kept them in his home was for Alois. The blonde had a penchant for crispy fruit and whenever he was over he snacked on at least two or three.

Alois! The thought screamed through his mind.

Ciel bolted towards the table, frantically searching through the pile. All the blood drained from his face once he found the one paper he had forgotten to lock away in his desk drawer.

"Shit!" He cursed, crumpling the paper into a tight ball and flinging it across the room with unabashed fury. Questions assaulted his brain as Ciel tried to piece together his situation.

Alois must have dropped by for something, otherwise why would he have come over unannounced and gone through his papers? That is, if he had gone through the papers. But as Ciel eyed the carelessly discarded apple he knew he had his answer. Because Alois was no slob and he respected Ciel's home, plus there was no way he wouldn't have finished his favorite snack.

No, he had left in a hurry. Alois had to have read the letter.

Ciel threaded his fingers through his hair and groaned, squeezing his eyes shut, mentally formulating a multitude of lies: 'It was a mistake; they mixed up my lab results with someone else's', It was a mistake, I went for a second test and the results are fine', 'It's just a small setback; some more maintenance will clear me up'.

Sliding his hands over his face and shaking his head. There was no way Alois would believe those fabrications; the kid was too sharp for his own good. He would have to either ignore the entire disastrous situation or face Alois, thus telling him the truth. His eyes snapped open as another thought seeped in.

If Alois knew the truth, what was stopping him from slipping up and telling Claude? And what would stop Claude from telling... Sebastian.

Ciel stumbled his way into the living room; feeling overwhelmed with the enormity of the situation and threw himself face first onto the couch. He groaned in frustration, burying his head into the plush pillows.

Ignore it. He encouraged internally. Feign ignorance and not bring up the subject of the letter.

Alois wouldn't dare admit that he had gone through Ciel's personal documents and had uncovered something he should never have been privy to in the first place.

The sudden buzz of his cell dragged him out of his depressive thoughts and he fumbled through his jeans pocket for the device, retrieving it to read the message. It was a text from Sebastian.

' _When we met light was shed_

_Thoughts free flow you said_

_You've got something_

_Deep inside of you_

_These secret garden beams, changed my life so it seems_

_Fall breeze blows outside, I don't break stride_

_My thoughts are warm_

_And they go deep inside of you_ '.

Ciel smiled, another song, another romantic sentiment. Indeed he did feel warm inside when it came to Sebastian. Why couldn't he just enjoy this glorious moment of being wanted and desiring that person in return? The cell buzzed again and his eyes flicked over the screen.

' _I need to see you again, soon_.' It read.

Ciel sat up and scrolled through his calendar. Monday classes didn't end until 5pm and he had an appointment with Dr. Spears on Tuesday to discuss test results, as well as Thursday, this time for a possible treatment. Wednesday he was booked all day as Alois had reserved the class darkroom for their project.

Alois!

Ciel hugged his knees, how was he going to face his best friend? As if things weren't complicated enough, now he was going to have to deal with avoiding a conversation regarding the letter from the hospital. He glanced at the cell, a dull ache forming in his heart as he tapped out a reluctant reply.

' _Not sure, busy week, I'll let you know_ ' He pounded out, sighing before hitting send.

"I sound like a complete asshole." Ciel groaned aloud, pressing his forehead into his knees. His head shot up when his phone began steadily vibrating, dread gripping him when he realized that Sebastian was calling.

He watched as the phone continued to ring, not answering his only defense. The fact was that Ciel did not have it in him to speak to anyone at that moment; including Sebastian. Another buzz indicated that a voicemail had been left, but Ciel chose to ignore it in favor of curling up on the couch. Tossing the phone to the floor and falling into a fitful restless sleep.

* * *

Sebastian sat back in his black leather chair and stared at his phone, confusion evident on his face. Ciel had been gone only one hour and it seemed like he was already trying to avoid seeing him this coming week.

Being swamped with work was something he understood all too well. When his and Claude's company is involved in benefits, gala events and competitions; no one has time to socialize. However, what truly bothered Sebastian was the cold reply to his text.

"Not sure, busy week, I'll let you know." He read aloud slowly, gripping the phone tightly.

What the hell was that about? He thought sourly. And to add insult to injury, he had just called Ciel and received no response. It bothered him greatly that he had spent an incredibly satisfying and enjoyable day with the blue haired boy and now he was being purposely ignored.

'Ciel, call me.' The message on Ciel's voicemail had been short, simple and to the point with a hint of annoyance. "Little bugger." Sebastian muttered in annoyance.

A quick knock on his office door drew his attention; calling out "Enter" while he placed his phone down on the desk. Claude walked in holding some papers, looking left and right before finally cocking an eyebrow up at Sebastian.

"Where's your bloke? Tired of him already?" The golden eyed male teased with a wink and a smile.

"He had to go home and no, I'm not tired of him." Sebastian retorted, resting his ankle over his knee and leaning his head into his hand. "I am wondering if he's tiring of me though."

Claude stared wide eyed at his friend, his face full of surprise. "Are you bleeding mad?!" He exclaimed, grabbing a chair to sit down in front of the desk and waving the papers in his hand. "I witnessed that lad rutting on you like his life depended on it! Where would you get a daft idea like that?"

Sebastian sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger. "I know, I know, but I just texted him about meeting up and he was being...evasive. Then I rang him and he didn't answer. I left a voicemail and he hasn't called back." He glanced up. "I sound like a paranoid bitch, don't I?" Claude threw his head back and laughed loudly, much to Sebastian's chagrin.

"I never thought I would see the day Sebastian Michaelis gets skived off by an under aged Yank!" Claude shook his head. "This is all sixes and sevens, my friend. Usually you're the hound on the hunt."

Sebastian frowned. "Piss off. That's not entirely accurate, this is different."

"Is it now?" Claude crossed his arms. "Different from Gregory?"

"He was too passive."

"Lau?"

"He was a drug addict for God's sake!"

"Lawrence?"

"Too needy."

"Edward?"

"Too prudish"

"Ash?"

"Too religious."

"Joker?"

"Enough!" Sebastian sat up and glared at his harasser. "I admit, they were all for simple pleasures, nothing more, nothing less." He paused, eyes flitting to his cell. "But Ciel is different; I don't want to play him. It's difficult to explain, but he's a challenge..."

"He's another game to you." Claude cut in calmly. "Be honest with yourself and with him and in the end no one will get hurt."

"This isn't a game." Sebastian insisted, looking his friend straight in the eyes. "As I've said before, he's different."

Claude let out a huff and shrugged. "Listen mate, we've been friends since we're ten, I know you better than your own family does and I care more for you than maybe the Lord himself does." He leaned towards the desk, resting his elbows on the table and pointing one finger at Sebastian. "And you are a demon when it comes to the hearts of those who give it up to you. You suck some unsuspecting lad into your clutches, lure him in with sweet words and once you've had your fill, you drop them like an empty husk."

Sebastian turned towards the wall clock, it had been only an hour and a half since he last spoke to Ciel and it felt like months. No, he told himself, this was not a game.

"This isn't some experienced chap you've picked off either. Ciel is young and old in many ways, but if you break him." Claude snapped his fingers, drawing Sebastian's immediate attention, "he will never recover."

The room became quiet, the low hum of music from the studios sifted through the walls as dancers and instructors worked on their routines. An uncomfortable lull had descended among the pair and neither wanted to continue the subject at hand. Instead letting the silence be filled with the precise sound of the ticking clock echoed in the office.

"Come now, time to work." Claude broke in, his voice serious and emotionless. As hard as it was pointing out the blatant truth of his friend's careless actions with romantic partners, he did not want to see Sebastian dealing with another lovesick and rejected ex-lover. It was unnecessary stress that neither of them needed in their lives.

Sebastian nodded slowly and rose from his seat, his mind heavy from the reprimanding Claude had given him. Yet the feelings he harbored for Ciel never wavered. This was different, he kept assuring himself, Ciel was not like all the others and he would prove that to everyone; including himself.

* * *

"Your anemia has become problematic." Dr. Spears frowned, pressing his lips in frustration as he examined Ciel's upper body.

It was Tuesday afternoon and Ciel had mentioned the bruising the minute he stepped into the examination room. The doctor had ordered Ciel to remove his shirt and once he did a look of concern flashed across the stern green eyes.

The student's arms were riddled with small dark bruises with at least three above his collarbone. However, one of the bruises sported teeth marks and the doctor pursed his mouth in disapproval and barely hidden disdain.

A hot blush flashed upon Ciel's cheek and he found himself squirming under the doctor's glare. "I-Is something...wrong?" He asked cautiously, unable to meet the doctor's eyes. Soft fingertips ghosted over the love bite, causing a shiver to run through Ciel's body. Much to the young man's surprise, it felt good. Really good.

"Why would you willingly allow someone to treat you so carelessly knowing your condition?" Dr. Spears's admonished, his monotone voice breaking through Ciel's pleasurable haze.

"What? Oh, well you see . . ." Blue eyes finally rolled up to meet the doctor's. "I still haven't told anyone."

"Really?" His cool hands rested lightly against Ciel's pale shoulders. "You must not trust this person too well if you can't bring yourself to open up about such an important aspect of your life." Ciel knitted his brows at the comment. He did trust Sebastian; he just didn't want to lose him by frightening him away with the truth.

"If I tell him I have cancer this soon, it might scare him away before he really gets to know me." He confided quietly. "And once he really gets to know me then he might just stay."

The doctor rubbed Ciel's shoulders and smiled. "You do realize that sounds like entrapment?" Ciel bowed his head, this wasn't the type of conversation he wanted to have with Spears. "Do you trust me, Ciel?"

The vulnerable tone caught Ciel by surprise, his head shot up. "Trust you?" Grabbing the doctor's hands, "Of course I do! I've trusted you with my life for as long as you've been my doctor! What kind of question is that?"

Dr. Spears nodded; stepping back he slipped his hands free from the smaller ones. "Always remember that, Ciel. Never forget your trust in me. No matter what the situation, I will never turn from you as your doctor and your friend." Ciel nodded slowly at the admission. There was something strange and unnerving about those words.

How many people in his life did he really trust? The news of his resurrected cancer had been kept under wraps for over three weeks now and the only person who knew for sure was Dr. Spears. In all of the years he had been his patient, the doctor never once mentioned being friends. Ciel knew the green eyed male cared for him, but he had never heard the words expressed so clearly until now.

"I will always remember that, Dr. Spears." Ciel replied, extending his arms out and leaning in to envelope the man in his arms He pressed his slender form flush against the doctor's body until Ciel felt the soft fabric of Spears's button down shirt against his naked chest.

In his entire life there were rarely any moments that had stolen the doctor's breath away, but this particular action was leaving him silently gasping for air. The realization that was Ciel initiating such intimate contact, unprompted no less; was akin to a dream come true. Spears could not fathom his present position, cocooned in an embrace by the young man he privately adored.

"Ciel!" He whispered, pleasantly shocked at how tightly his patient was holding him. "Where is this coming from?"

Ciel pulled back and rested his hands on the doctor's arms. "You have no idea how difficult it's been keeping this from everyone I care about." Closing his eyes, he gripped the doctors lab coat. "If I tell my parents, their marriage is sure to just fall apart. If I tell Lizzie, she won't go on another abroad program because she'll just want to stay near me, not to mention it'll break her heart. If I tell Alois, he'll probably tell his new fling and that guy will definitely tell Sebastian and then..." Ciel paused, opening his eyes, searching Dr. Spears' face for understanding. "And then I'll be alone again." He admitted quietly.

Dr. Spears saw an opening; the door to Ciel's heart swung wide open, inviting and beckoning him to enter and make his presence known.

How? He warred within himself. How do I proceed?

"Ciel," He began carefully removing the young man's hands from his arms and placing them gently on his lap, "you must do what is best for you and you alone. Regardless of what the others may do, say or think. They are all responsible for their own actions." He squeezed Ciel's hands. "Not you."

A smile crept along Ciel's face, blue eyes focusing on his kind doctor who had done nothing, but given him the truth and a chance to live. "Thank you." He whispered, tugging at the doctors hands. "Thank you, for this and for everything."

Dr. Spears returned the gesture; Ciel's smile filling him with the warmth it radiated, making the young man seem even more beautiful than before.

One day. He thought as he watched Ciel leave the office, the door closing behind him. Not today, but soon.

* * *

 _ **A/N The lyrics Sebastian texted to Ciel are from Third Eye Blind's "Deep Inside of You**_ "


	15. Chapter 15

_**Greetings My Loverly Candy Skullzzzz!** _

_**WARNING! This chapter contains smexiness...approach with caution, nosebleeds may follow.** _

_**Thanks to all the reviewers and the wonderful feedback! I love reading your thoughts, suggestions and compliments. This story is developing into something more than originally planned and it's all because of you guys!** _

_**Hugs and kisses to Anime Cujo for her mad skillzzz and for being my "right hand man"** _

_**hehehehehe...**_..

* * *

"Water, water everywhere," Dr. Spears leaned against his office window studying the slick city streets drenched in a heavy downpour of rain, "and not a drop to drink." He sighed.

It had been several hours since Ciel had left, their conversation still replaying itself numerous times in the his head. The confusion and torment the young man was suffering from remained clearly imprinted within Spears's mind and it took every fiber of his being not to profess his love and swear on every God and every grain of sand on earth that he would protect the slate haired man against all fears, against all hurt, against death itself.

"I will not be another complication in his life." He swore to himself, feeling his own heart steeling against the ache of longing and loneliness.

At 40 years of age, the doctor had yet to maintain a steady relationship. His profession had always come first, hence his status as a young prodigy in the field of oncology and cancer research. Past lovers complained of his cold attitude, lack of availability, and refusal to commit, but scientific research was his first love and the thrill of deciphering genetic codes and delivering patients from the brink of death were far more invigorating than the mundane company of men enamored by the idea of having a renowned doctor as their lover.

Spears found them all vapid, time spent with these past lovers valueless and forgettable, but Ciel was different.

There was something innocent and yet worldly about the slate haired male who had captured the doctor's stone heart. Perhaps it was the blind faith Ciel had in him, the long talks about classical music, art and life in general. The brilliant doctor was enraptured with a 20 year old patient who had unknowingly challenged his mind and his heart.

Dr. Spears wanted to be Ciel's shining hope, the light in the darkness, offering comfort and peace, but he was currenly seeing some strange man who apparently liked to manhandle the delicate student. So, instead of finding a secured comfort from the doctor and respite from the daily terror of living on borrowed time, Ciel was more stressed than ever before.

Keeping secrets so early in a new relationship did not sit well with the doctor and he clenched his teeth in angered frustration, once again visualizing the brutal mark that animal; that dog, had left on Ciel. His Ciel.

Shaking his head, Dr. Spears wondered how this could have transpired. He knew Ciel had once become very close to a fellow patient years ago, but the patient had been a female. Never once did Spears imagine Ciel having an interest in the same gender as himself. Well, he had imagined it, in his fantasies that is.

"Dr. Spears, there's a call for you on line one." A female voice sounded from the intercom on his phone. He turned away from the window and walked to his desk, pressing the response button and closing his eyes.

"I have a roaring headache, Vanessa. Is it a patient?" He asked, pinching the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger.

"No sir, it's Alois Trancy. He's insisting that it's an emergency." The secretary responded, green eyes shooting wide open at the information.

"I'm picking up!" Spears affirmed, grabbing the receiver and placing it next to his ear. His heart rate escalated as feareful thoughts raced through his mind. Why was Ciel's roommate calling him? Had something happened to the young man after he left the hospital earlier? "Hello? Dr. Spears speaking." He answered calmly despite his anxious state.

"Doctor! I'm so glad you took my call! I don't know if you remember me, I'm Alois, Ciel's..." The cheerful voice began over the phone.

"Yes, yes." He rudely interrupted, patience was almost nonexistent. "Is Ciel alright? Why is this an emergency?"

"What? Oh, right! Ciel is fine." Alois paused, taking a deep shaking breathe before he continued. "Well, up until this past weekend I thought he was fine. That is, until I found his blood work report by accident, I read it and it said something about biopsies and abnormal cells...!"

"Alois," Dr. Spears interrupted with a curt tone, "please refrain from using the word 'emergency' when calling a doctor, we tend to think the worst." He let out a sigh of relief as the previous tension ebbed away from his body.

"Ugh, I'm sorry! I'm having a meltdown about this and I can't talk to anyone except you." The blonde apologized, realizing his mistake only now. "Ciel hasn't told anyone, including me." Alois's voice caught in his throat as he fought to compose himself. "And basically you're the only support he has and I just don't understand why he didn't tell me the truth! Why didn't he tell his family?" Spears sat up from his chair, nodding and listened intently as the young man rambled on. "Doctor..." a choked sob escaped Alois, his grief almost tangible."How bad is it? Is he dying? Please, tell me the truth...is Ciel dying?"

Loud splatters and thunder vibrated throughout the immaculate office as the sky had darkened, casting a grey shadow across the room. Spears glanced up at the "award" Ciel had made as a gift for him, suddenly feeling tired, he rubbed his forehead as he spoke, "Patient confidentiality does not permit me to indulge the private medical matters of any and all of my patients..."

"Fuck you and your confidentiality bullshit!" Alois screamed, sobbing loudly into the phone. "I can't help him if he doesn't say anything! I'm his best friend! I love that kid and if he dies, I die. So I need to know!" He took a shuddering gulp, "He hasn't even told this new guy he's seeing. His name is Sebastian and I know Ciel wouldn't tell him before me, I mean it's only been three weeks they've been dating but goddamn! I'm his BEST FRIEND!"

While listening to the ramblings of the frantic blonde, Spears felt a rush of heated anger rise like a flame, engulfing all reason and sensibility. The cursed name of Ciel's new interest, his possible lover, was like a poison infecting his young patient's world and it was up to him, his doctor, to extract this venomous influence from Ciel's life. The doctor gripped the phone tightly, praying that his voice would not betray the rage he was experiencing.

"Screaming profanities over the phone is quite counterproductive, Alois." Dr. Spears replied coolly. "The issue does not lie with Ciel's refusal to share such a devastating piece of news with his family and friends. He has already confided in me as to the reason for his silence." The doctor waited, hearing to the sniffles on the other end of the line start to subside.

"Why is he keeping this a secret? Alois tearfully asked.

The door of opportunity swung wide open and once again the doctor debated with himself whether he should enter it or not. However, for Ciel's sake, for the blue eyed boy's heart, he would. Who was he to turn his back on Ciel, especially when he needed his doctor more now than ever before?

"Sebastian." Dr. Spears tired out the name slowly; voice was laced with disgust, the word leaving a bitter taste in his mouth. "Ciel fears losing this...man...if he were to discover the truth about his illness and his past. He is hindering Ciel's ability to cope and to seek out branches of support. Not to mention, the fact that this new relationship is fueling Ciel's new habit of lying and retaining secrets."

Silence filled the line for a fee moments before Alois finally spoke. "Oh God. Are you fucking serious? Ciel told you this?" Anger evident in his voice.

It was a half-truth, Spears admitted to himself, but the situation had left him with very options. The choice was clear and the doctor had to do what was best for his patient; no matter the cost.

"Yes." He stated firmly. "Yes, he did."

* * *

Wednesday was going to be a difficult day, Ciel could feel it in his bones and it wasn't even 10 am yet.

"KeKeKeKe! Put the tip in! HoHo! Alois! You are a comic genius!" The Undertaker cackled, doubling over in laugher. "The tip!" Ciel groaned as he watched his teacher grab Alois's arm for support as each new wave of hilarity spilled from the professor's mouth.

The morning had not gotten off to a good start when much to Alois's dismay, it had been discovered that Ciel had forgotten to book the darkroom ahead of time. The Undertaker then took it upon himself to tear the pair a new one about the evils of irresponsibility. However, the blonde had saved the day with a dirty joke; one that made their professor forget their previous transgressions and the strange academic sauntered away from them chuckling to himself.

"How vulgar," Ciel muttered, barely able suppress the look of disgust on his face while he gathered his equipment.

"I wouldn't have to resort to dick jokes if you had remembered to book the darkroom!" Alois hissed angrily, glaring at his friend before he shoved past his partner as he walked towards the darkroom.

"What the hell, Alois!" Ciel exclaimed. "As if you need an excuse to talk about dick!"

The blonde whirled around, his electric blue eyes blazed with fury. Pointing a shaking finger at Ciel's face. "And what the fuck is that supposed to mean?"

Tension crackled in the air while both males faced off outside the entrance of the darkroom. Ciel was at a loss, he knew why Alois was angry, obtaining the darkroom during the school year was difficult and if they lost out on it today it would mean having to wait another two-three weeks for it. But what he feared most was that Alois was angry about

finding the letter and knowing that Ciel had withheld the information from him. He needed to tread carefully with his friend. Who was to say that Alois had actually read the results of the CBCs or biopsies?

"Listen, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to forget booking the room, i forgot that it was my tuen to that" He apologized. "I've just a lot on my mind lately..."

"Right, I bet you do" Alois muttered, pushing his way into the room, the faint smell of chemicals causing the young blonde to grimace. "The only thing on your mind lately is Sebastian." He sneered, turning to grab Ciel's arm and yanking him harshly behind him. "Has he even fucked you yet?" Alois spoke through gritted teeth. "Is that why you can't keep your head straight?"

Ciel's jaw fell open in a horrified gasp. "Alois!" He yelped, trying to wrench himself free from

the blonde's iron grip. "N-Nmn-NO! Shit! You're hurting me! What is wrong with you?!" Alois quickly released his friend's arm and wiped the sheen of sweat from his forehead. He had to keep his cool, keep Ciel from his own secret, he just had to. Or else the plan wouldn't work.

"I-I'm sorry, man." Alois apologized, reaching out to rub Ciel's arm. "I just...I'm just afraid you're going to get all involved with this guy and forget about our project and...," he cast his eyes to the floor and shrugged, "and eventually forget about me."

Ciel frowned at his friend; doubt lingering in his heart as he studied the pained sky blue eyes. Why wasn't Alois mentioning the letter? Maybe he really didn't see the letter! Hope sprung mercifully eternal and Ciel realized that he may have been mistaken about Alois uncovering his secret. Yet, it was Alois who insisted that he give Sebastian a chance, why the sudden fears?

Watching Ciel's face twist in confusion, Alois nervously chewed on his lip as he waited for a response.

"Why are you so worried now?" Ciel questioned slowly. "You were all excited about me meeting someone new and now you're afraid I'm going to get too involved?"

Alois smiled internally, he was prepared for this, another window opened to create an excuse as to why seeing Sebastian was such a bad idea.

"I honestly didn't think you'd be seeing and talking to him this often this soon." He spoke softly, glancing up at Ciel. "I mean, you're so freaking shy. I don't want you going too fast too soon." Alois sighed. "I don't want you to be a major man whore, like me."

Ciel's eyes widened. "Ma-Man whore? This coming from you? You who screwed Claude the first night you met him!"

Alois burst out laughing. "I'm sorry, ok? But that's me, that's who I am and I'm totally fine with it!" He stepped closer to Ciel, his mood shifting to one of seriousness. "I'm an asshole for jumping ugly all over you, but you're not me, you're better than that. But maybe you need to slow it down a bit with this guy. You haven't even know him a month and he's on your brain like 24/7. He doesn't even know the real you."

At those words Ciel's heart fell. "The real me?" His lips pressed into a thin line, displeasure clearly showing on his face. "You mean, he doesn't know about my medical past, right? You think that I should tell him about my history with cancer."

Alois looked away, unnerved by his friends change in behavior. He had struck a nerve mentioning the past, but he would not go back and try to undo the conversation. "Don't you think you should have told him by now?"

"There's more to me than a damn disease!" Ciel spat out, voice rising with indignation. The blonde watched his friend tremble with rage, his fists clenched so tightly that the knuckles had gone white. His bright blue eyes now cloudy with turbulent emotions. "For once, just once, I'd like to be with someone who thinks I'm a clean slate! He already knows about my panic attacks! Why do I have to dredge up this shit? Why?!"

It was in a brief thought and a moment's regret, where Alois truly questioned himself as whether or not he was doing the right thing by becoming involved in Ciel's private battle. However, Dr. Spears's words came floating back to him, that without the support of Ciel's friends and family, his friend might not win the fight against the life threatening illness a second time. And he was risking his life by not telling anyone about the cancer's reoccurrence all in an effort to keep Sebastian by his side. Sebastian; some guy he had just met who didn't know how much he was hurting Ciel by just being in his life.

"Ciel, I said I was sorry, forget it ok?" Alois shrugged his shoulders. "You do what's best for you, I mean it's not like you're afraid he's going to walk away if you tell him the truth." His eyes glanced quickly at Ciel's face, not missing the anger slipping away to be replaced with sadness.

"I can count on one hand the people who know the real me." Ciel whispered sadly, rubbing his face with his palms. "And Sebastian isn't one of them."

He stood there, defeated and tired looking as he dropped his hands to rest at his sides. For once he looked like a broken child and Alois wanted nothing more than to hold his friend tightly. To tell him that he knew, he knew his secret and would do anything to help ease his pain and worry.

"I can't tell him about my medical history. I don't trust that he won't run from me." Ciel admitted quietly. Alois cheered internally; Ciel had fallen for his reasoning.. "But he understands me." He interjected quickly; face lighting up as he spoke about the tall male. "And he makes me feel safe and protected. He does these amazingly romantic and cheesy things and even though I laugh and get annoyed at times, he makes me feel more awake and aware in these past three weeks than at any other time in my life." Ciel let out a laugh. "I'm not going too fast, really, I promise I'll be careful."

Alois knitted his brows, his friend was too far gone on this man; Sebastian, the one person who was keeping him from facing the reality of the situation. Dr. Spears was right, he would have to be covert about his efforts in order to guide Ciel towards openly admitting to his loved ones that he was no longer in remission. If he told Ciel how he found out the truth, in no way would his friend forgive him and he would immediately shut him out; perfectly ending any and all attempts to help him beat the deadly disease.

"Yeah, well you do that." Alois grumbled, nodding towards the back of the darkroom. "Let's get on with our work, we're already behind schedule."

Ciel nodded in agreement and began preparations for film development.

* * *

"Is this my little soldier?!" Sebastian smiled at the nickname, cradling the cellphone on his shoulder against his ear. He carefully balanced a large bag of dried cat food in one arm while closing his apartment door with the other.

"Yes it is, Mum." A high pitched meow caught his attention from the kitchen and he shrugged off his leather jacket, throwing it on a black love seat, being mindful not to drop the cell. "How are you feeling? Mina told me last week you had the lurgy and your cough was getting worse. Did you get to the chemist for your prescripts?"

Warmth encircled Sebastian's leg as a small black kitten appeared from seemingly out of nowhere and began rubbing against his ankles shamelessly seeking attention and purring loudly. He smiled down at the needy ball of fluff before turning his attention back to the current conversation.

"Oi! Checking up on yer mum? Your sister fancies herself well learned ever since she's been at the uni! That totty needs to find herself a nice chap and belt up about my health!" His mother snapped. "Now, tell me how's it been with you? Claude's mum told me you were arse over face for some bonny lad, care to elaborate?"

"Christ kill me." Sebastian groaned, picking up his kitten as he walked into the kitchen. "Bunch of chin wagging natters, blathering about my business." He picked up a bowl from the floor and promptly filled it with cat food. "If you need to know, I met someone over a fortnight ago." He paused to place the bowl back on the floor to an eagerly awaiting hungry kitten. "I do fancy him, mum. Quite a bit in fact."

A pleased hum sounded through the phone. "Ah, so you're not just after the boy's John Thomas?"

"MUM!" Sebastian exclaimed, mortified at his mother's blatant question he nearly tripped over his own feet as he headed towards the living room.

A long hacking cough was followed by laughter. "Och Sebby!" She cried gleefully. "I miss you, lad, my son, I miss you so much!"

Sebastian sighed and closed his eyes, willing tears of homesickness to not fall freely. The last time he saw his beloved mother was over a year ago. With a busy schedule and a business to run, the time never seemed right to pick up and visit his family in London.

"How about you take a holiday and come visit?" She asked hopefully.

"I'll see, mum. We're preparing for a huge gala performance in December." Sebastian stretched himself out on the couch, his forearm resting against his eyes. The heartache of being so far from his family had started to create a full headache. "After the new year, I promise. Tell Mina I'll see her for her birthday."

"Alright, love." She grumbled. "You better keep to your word. I'll ring you up later this week, love you."

Sebastian smiled once more. "Love you back, mum." He ended the call and rested the phone against his chin, looking pensively at the ceiling. He wondered what Ciel was doing at that exact moment and he sighed, missing his blue eyed prize who had kept him feeling rejected and unfocused for the past four days. After the oddly cold response to his text on Saturday, Sebastian had kept his distance from Ciel; refraining from calling him or texting had proven very difficult, especially at night.

"Ciel." He sighed, thinking about the student. A vision of flushed cheeks, pale skin dewy with sweat and parted panting tender lips filled his mind and Sebastian groaned at the uncomfortable tightness in his pants.

Taking advantage of the fantasy, he slipped his free hand underneath the constricting jeans and boxers, hissing when his palm made contact with the hot rigid flesh. Slowly, Sebastian pumped his cock, fingers squeezing the familiar length as the tension coiled in his belly increased.

Deep ocean blue eyes, wide and innocent, staring back at him, hungry for him. Sebastian moaned as he teased his slit with his thumb, shivering at the feeling it produced; thinking of Ciel. He wished it was Ciel stroking him now, those delicate hands wrapping around his want. Spreading his thighs, Sebastian sped up his thrusts, hips pushing off the couch to meet them.

"Ahhh, Ciel." He panted, imagining how he would bend the slim body over and grab the supple mounds of muscle displayed before him. "Mmm, yeah," Spreading the cheeks to reveal a pink entrance; a virgin. "God, yes!" Sebastian hissed, bucking his hips into his hand at an erratic pace.

His thick, hot cock would push past the tight ring of muscles and the walls would clench around him, forcing him to thrust even harder. "Ah . . ahhh, Ciel." He moaned, the heat building and his thighs quivered with the anticipation of his release. "Fuck, ye . . ahnmm, I'm . . ahh . . ." Sebastian cried as he started to fall over the edge . . .

BUZZZZZZZZZZZ!

Red eyes flew open at the vibration in his back pocket, blinking several times as he tried to register the sound.

His cell!

Sebastian fumbled with his free hand for the phone that was currently nestled in the couch underneath his bottom. Still holding onto his cock, stroking it lightly, he glanced at the screen and immediately ceased his ministrations.

Ciel!

"He-Hello? Ciel?" He gasped into the mouthpiece, wincing as he palmed his aching need.

"Um, yeah, Sebastian?" Ciel questioned warily, frowning as he checked the screen of his cell. He had the correct number, but the breathless mess on the other end couldn't possibly be Sebastian. "You ok? You sound like you're dying."

Because I was about to get my rocks off and you interrupted me, he thought sourly. Even though the older male was sexually frustrated at the moment, he couldn't deny that he was thrilled that Ciel had finally called him back.

"I, um, I couldn't find my cell and I was in another room so I ran about looking for it." He replied, forcing himself to breathe normally. "I didn't think I'd hear from you again." He sat up and leaned forward, resting his arms on his propped up knees.

Ciel bit his lip, "Yeah, I'm sorry about flaking out on you like that."

"Flaking out?"

"Flaking..geesh, forget it." Ciel rolled his eyes, thinking that with all the weird things the Brit said he wouldn't need to explain what flaking out means. "I mean, I'm sorry for not calling you. I've been overwhelmed with school and stuff, but I really want to see you again."

Sebastian grinned. "Come meet me at my studio Friday evening, 9ish. Does that work for you?"

"Yeah, that sounds good, what do you want to do?"

"You." He purred, garnet eyes flashing with mischief.

"Pervert." Ciel huffed, roses blooming on his cheeks. "Aside from me, what do you have in mind?"

Sebastian scratched his chin in contemplation. "We could go out to dinner, catch a late flick, whatever you like."

"Can we just hang out and talk?" He asked.

Sebastian cocked an eyebrow, unsure of what the young male was getting at. "Talk, you say? About what?"

"About us, about you and about me." Ciel spoke lowly, shyness stretching across each word. "I want to get to know you more, without distractions. I just want to spend some time with just you. Do I sound crazy?" Sebastian chuckled, amused by the beauty of Ciel's honesty.

"I'll order out dinner and we can eat at the studio. I will impress you with stories of my childhood to the point that you will throw your lily pure pilgrim soul to my mercies." He informed, humming to himself in thought. "And then after I'm spent, maybe I might pepper you with questions about your life, just maybe though." A devilish grin broke across Sebastian's face as he awaited Ciel's response.

"Bastard!"


	16. Chapter 16

**_Greeting Smexy Candy_**   _ **Skullzzzz**_

_**I'm loving the support, I truly am OXOX reading your reviews keep me going to my happy place heehee** _

_**Please check out a new side story for Simply Meant to Be titled "Beautiful Boy" by Anime Cujo. It's on my profile as well, we would LOVE it if we could get some more feedback! Her Fic, A Slow and Steady Seduction" is like my cocaine, it's THAT GOOD...Sirsly.** _

_**JezebelStrike has a yummy fic "Ghostly Pleasures", it made me ROAR** _

_**AAAAAND, there's this writer named GarGoyl who has some freaking cool Fics "The Pawn and The Grimoire" and "Untouched". Check 'em out!** _

_**I hope you enjoy this latest chapter, Spank You!** _

_**I mean...Thank you...** _

_**Unless, you know...blush...you don't mind lol** _

* * *

"Good morning, Ciel!" Sparkling blue-grey eyes greeted the young man as he strolled towards the front desk at Dr. Spears's office.

Vanessa Astor, Dr. Spears's trusted and extremely efficient office manager was Ciel's sunshine in the rain. During every visit he was sure to hear a new joke, the latest gossip among the staff, the must-read book of the month, or an animated story about a particularly fun filled weekend. Thankfully, she made the time spent during the hospital visits quite pleasant.

He returned the attractive brunette's bright smile with one of his own, noting the busy and filled to capacity waiting room. Every single chair was occupied, except for one situated right next to Vanessa's deep red mahogany desk. A slight nod from her indicated that the seat's availability was solely for Ciel.

"Good morning, Vanessa." He responded warmly, taking the seat and snatching a piece of wrapped candy from a small crystal bowl next to her phone. "I see you switched back to strawberry chews." He hummed happily, chewing the tasty treat.

Vanessa laughed merrily. "Of course I did. Don't think I didn't hear you grumbling last week when all I had were those sugarless mints." Ciel scrunched his face in disgust, recalling how tasteless those mint squares had been. "Besides, I like these better." She added with an indulgent smirk, unwrapping another pink colored candy and handing it over to Ciel.

"Thanks, I need all the candy I can get." He popped the offered sweet into his mouth and glanced at the office clock. "Wow, I didn't realize I was like 15 minutes early."

The young office manager looked up from her laptop. "Better early than late. Spears has been swamped with work these past three months since he won that New York's Best Award." She blew out a huff and pointed to her screen. "I'm constantly updating, scheduling and rescheduling his appointments; even when I'm home!"

Ciel raised his eyebrows. "Impressive, but I never seem to have a problem getting an appointment or treatment."

Vanessa smirked. "Favorite person, special treatment." She winked and turned back to her laptop; the sound of her dainty fingers tapping away at the keys filling up the elegant waiting area.

Ciel looked curiously at the impeccably dressed woman, mulling over her words. "I'm his favorite patient?" He asked thoughtfully.

"Are you serious?" She chuckled, genuinely surprised at his question. "I've worked here for the last five years and from what I've heard and witnessed, you rank very high on the doctor's list of favored people." She leaned over her desk and motioned for Ciel to come closer with a quick wave of her hand. The young student stood up and leaned over the front if her desk so Vanessa could share her secret.

"People, Ciel." She whispered softly. "Not patient, people." Ciel's eyes widened as he looked into her eyes. There was a hint of humor behind the cool blue orbs, but they spoke a secret truth and confusion settled heavily on the slate haired male's face.

"But you didn't hear that from me." She warned. "I can read that man like a cheap novel, but he keeps his private feelings under lock and key."

Ciel rose slowly and settled back down into his chair, the events of the last couple of weeks whirling through his head. He hadn't forgotten about the brief incident in the doctor's car nor did he overlook the warmth of their embrace in the checkup room. Could there be more going on here? Was he overlooking something obvious? No, no way he berated himself silently as he shook his head. Not only had Dr. Spears been his physician for half of his life, the man was also twenty years older than him!

Besides, he mentally reminded himself, Dr. Spears is a handsome world renowned oncologist. And I'm just a kid, he thought bitterly, I'm just Ciel; some sick kid with cancer.

* * *

"From your most recent exams it appears that you will be undergoing the same treatment you had when you were 16." Dr. Spears informed Ciel as he pushed his arms through his dark blue sweater, pausing to remember the details.

"Chemo and platelet transfusions?" He asked, smoothing the slightly creased shirt over his chest. The bruising had turned into a faded yellowish tint on his skin and the doctor was pleased to find no more new contusions.

"Exactly." Dr. Spears flitted his eyes over the petite form of his patient and held back a soft groan; the cashmere sweater Ciel wore seemed to brighten the deep azure hue of his eyes. Shaking his head, the doctor cleared his throat and mind. "Tell me, how is everything else otherwise?" He asked lightly, a small smile playing at the corners of his lips.

Ciel hopped off the examination table and ran his hand through his slightly ruffled hair. "Ok, I guess." He shrugged. "I plan on telling my family about the cancer after New Year's."

The doctor cocked an eyebrow, placing his clipboard on the small counter littered with numerous jars of cotton balls, swabs, bandages, and bottles of alcohol and iodine. "You do realize by then you will be undergoing treatment? How do you expect to hide this from your family and friends?"

Ciel pressed his lips tightly together and frowned, his eyes settling on staring at his shoes while he spoke. "I was hoping that you would help me with that one." Glancing up sheepishly to see the physician's response.

Dr. Spears crossed his arms and leaned against the counter, observing his patient's hesitant behavior. "What are you asking of me, Ciel?"

"I...I need you to keep me relatively healthy until after the holidays." Ciel explained, gnawing on his lower lip nervously. "Then I will begin treatment." He mumbled quietly.

"Absolutely Not!" Ciel jumped at the sound of his doctor's heated tone. He looked up and was surprised to see Dr. Spears glaring at him. For the first time in almost ten years the young man was witnessing an emotion on the doctor's face that was so foreign and strange to him that he almost could not even look the doctor in his eyes. Fury, rage, and utter disbelief flitted across the emerald spheres.

"Are you out of your mind?" Dr. Spears bit out through gritted teeth, eyes darkening as each second passed. Both hands were balled into right fists at his sides and Ciel could almost swear that the room had gotten colder.

"D-Doctor," He stammered nervously, his body trembling slightly from the deathly gaze he was receiving. "P-please, please don't be angry." He begged, looking up at the doctor, eyes shining bright with unshed tears. "Could you at least listen to why I want to wait?"

"Is it because of your new lover?" Dr. Spears spat, his chest rising and falling rapidly in anger.

Ciel blinked as a wave of shame tore right through him. It wasn't so much the bluntness of the words that caused him to cringe inwardly; it was the bite, the brutality behind them. What had spawned such a fierce reaction from the usually stern yet gentle and quiet doctor?

"Dr. Spears." Ciel fought to keep a level head as he began to hurriedly put on his jacket. "That was not an appropriate question to ask a patient." He frowned as he fiddled to close the buttons.

Spears flinched slightly, the movement going unnoticed by Ciel, at the coldly remote tone in the young man's voice. His heart beat painfully, realizing that he had crossed a line and could possibly shut out his beloved Ciel.

No, that could not happen.

"Ciel, I'm sorry, I truly apologize for my rash remark." The doctor stepped tentatively towards the young man, seeing Ciel's discomfort in the pointed look thrown at him as he moved closer. They were inches apart when Ciel finally spoke up.

"I've done enough to my family and friends." His voice resolute, determination echoing soundly within each syllable. "I will give them one more season, one more holiday, one more memory of me being healthy and happy. That's all I can give them right now and it's really shitty repayment compared to everything they've all done and sacrificed for me, but it's the best I can do." Blue eyes burned into Dr. Spears's face; a mixed look of anger and need swirling like a storm. "Right now, it's the best you can do for me. Aside from being my doctor, you're also my friend and I need you to think, feel and act like a friend to me. If you can't this much for me," Dr. Spears braced himself for the words he dreaded to hear, "then I will have to go elsewhere for my treatments."

A crack rippled through his heart as the thought of Ciel being cared for by another medical professional, touched by another pair of hands, it was enough to shake the very soul of the stoic doctor who stood like a silent unmoving statue in front of his young patient.

"I can give you...some clotting agents to take when the bruising or...eventual nosebleeds ...become too frequent" the tremor in the doctor's voice was slight and he clenched his fists to control the litany of emotions rushing through his system "I will also have Vanessa hold off with the billing department in order to keep your parents from discovering what you've been doing this past month".

Ciel released a pent up sob and flung himself into the waiting arms of Dr. Spears, burying his face into his firm chest, ignoring propriety in favor of the comfort that came from knowing that the doctor had agreed to be his ally.

"I knew it, I knew you'd understand" Ciel wept softly, his arms squeezing tightly around Spears' waist, barely noticing how he was in turn being tightly held as well "I don't know what I would do without you"

* * *

The Danse Macabre studio boasted a rather large ballroom dance competition program taught in the two large ground level rooms. However, Sebastian had told Ciel that he preferred the less spacious but modern studios upstairs for smaller classes and private lessons. It was also where he was supposed to meet Sebastian after 9pm when the dance school closed for the day.

Upon arriving at the empty building, Ciel followed the only hallway lights that were on all the way to a small studio on the second floor. He stopped in the doorway and took a deep breath to see that the normally empty area was illuminated entirely by over a dozen large white candles placed randomly about; their soft glow reflecting in the mirrors that lined the walls.

In the center of the room was a collection of bean bag chairs; large and plush. Ciel sniffed the air and his mouth watered as he spied a set of dinner plates loaded with food on a thick dark blanket. His eyes traveled around the space, the low flames giving a soft glow to everything until the blue orbs finally came to rest on a smirking lanky Brit and the young man's entire reason for being there in the first place.

Ciel padded forward, a wide grin spreading over his face. "You did all of this for me?" He asked in an incredulous tone. "We could have just ordered out, I mean you worked all day and this must have taken you, like, all day." He whistled lowly in admiration and Sebastian chuckled, motioning for the student sit.

"It was nothing." He smiled as Ciel sat across from him. "Just a little steak and roasted potatoes with a steamed squash and carrot medley." Reaching for a bottle and filling one of two crystal wine glasses. "Pinot Noir?" Sebastian questioned, pouring after receiving a quick nod.

"You really shouldn't have." Ciel swallowed, the amorous atmosphere making him a little nervous.

"Enough." Sebastian ordered, lifting his glass as a toast. "It was my pleasure to surprise you with this. You are well worth the time and effort."

Ciel tipped his glass to clink them together before taking a sip and trying to stifle a giggle. Seriously? He scolded himself, I'm not a 15 year old girl!

"So, do you fancy steak?" Sebastian gestured to the plates of elegantly prepared food.

"No." Ciel answered quickly, smirking. "I love steak."

"Brilliant! I was hoping you would." Sebastian opened his napkin, laying the cloth on his lap. "You tend to look more like those vegan types." He commented, popping a piece of meat into his mouth,

"Vegan types? What the hell do you mean?" Ciel blurted out, right after drinking some more wine.

"Oh, let's see, what did your cousin call you...?" He mused out loud, finger tapping his chin as if deep in thought.

Ciel scowled. "Don't you dare..."

"Bitchy Hipster?" Sebastian exclaimed, red eyes bright with mirth.

"Bastard!" The student growled, chomping down on a bite of beef and chewing it viscously.

"Guilty as charged." He agreed, amusement flashing in his garnet eyes. "More wine?"

"Yes." Ciel huffed, taking the now full glass and indulging in a healthy gulp. "And I'm anemic, so I need as much iron as I can get." He mentioned slyly, hoping to make the older male feel sorry for his previous joke.

"Well then, you should try haggis or black pudding." Sebastian informed, sipping his wine. "Those have loads of iron, you know."

"Haggis? Black pudding?" Ciel chewed the succulent steak thoughtfully. "What's that?"

Sebastian swallowed and smiled devilishly. "Haggis is a Scottish meal. Sheep's heart, liver, and kidneys all cooked inside a stitched up sheep's stomach. While black pudding is blood sausage. My family in Ireland used to make it all the time for me."

Ciel's face turned green at the definition. "Are you serious?! That sounds disgusting!"

The older male contemplated it for a moment before shrugging his shoulders. "What is it you Yankees say? Don't knock it till you try it?"

"We say that for interesting and exotic foods." The student pointed out." Not eating sheep's vital organs sown into another vital organ!"

"I've eaten it." Sebastian scoffed. "Quite delicious actually."

Ciel threw him a skeptical look. "You're going to make me throw up."

"Alright, alright, I'll stop. There are other much finer and enticing delicacies one may eat." He laughed, winking.

"You were probably a sex offender back in England." Ciel grumbled, shoving more meat into his mouth. The food was delicious, how many ways could the Englishman surprise him? The man was like a labyrinth of hidden talents.

"Exotic dancer, degenerate, world class pervert, sex offender." Sebastian counted off on his fingers. "I sense a pattern."

"Shut up." Ciel growled, mentally regretting complementing the man earlier. Suddenly a thought came to him "You have family in Ireland? I thought they were all in London?"

"Most of my family is in London." He explained, "But I have cousins in Dublin. My mum and sister, Mina, share a flat in London."

Ciel hummed in thought. "What about your dad?" He asked curiously.

Sebastian sighed and put down his glass. "My father died when I was 10. I don't really like to talk about it."

A cold shock crept through Ciel at the admission; uneasiness threatening to dwarf their time together. The realization that someone had issues with sharing their past making itself apparent.

"You told me once that you were an only child." Sebastian interrupted his thoughts, "but you never mentioned your parents. Are they still...around?"

Ciel blinked. "Yeah, my mom is a typical stay at home who does a lot of charity work and my dad is the owner and president of a company."

Sebastian cocked an eyebrow when the student didn't continue. "So mum's a house lady. What kind of company does your father run?"

Ciel cringed slightly and averted his eyes. "My dad is the founder and CEO of Funtom Toys." He stated quietly.

"Blow me!" Sebastian exclaimed loudly causing the younger male to jump in his seat.

"W-What?!" Ciel blinked with almost comically large eyes, mouth hanging open in shock.

Sebastian could not suppress his laughter. "No, no, no, as lovely as that would be, that's not what I meant! It's like saying, Wow! Get my meaning?"

"Yeah." Ciel pouted, completely embarrassed. "We need to work on that"

"So that huge toy store on 5th Ave and the one next to Harrods's in London, those are your father's?" Sebastian asked, the sound of wonderment clearly evident in his voice.

"Yup." Ciel replied curtly, annoyed for no some unknown reason at the older male's excitement.

"What is it, Ciel?" Sebastian asked as he gathered their plates to the side and shuffled over to sit next to the younger male. The tension the older male had heard in the swift retort concerned him and he wrapped an arm protectively around the student's shoulders in comfort. "We don't have to talk about family." He whispered huskily. "We don't have to talk at all if you don't want."

Ciel wanted nothing more than to tell him about how his father always let him down, how he couldn't trust or count on the most important man in his life. But that would turn complicated and it would need to be further explained; Ciel didn't want that, at least not yet.

Sighing, the student leaned back onto the blanket and stretched out. Red eyes flitted over the lithe form, admiring the slender physique that was laid before him. Slowly, Sebastian leaned down, brushing his lips ever so lightly over the younger male's mouth.

Ciel's eyes fluttered closed as he melted into the feeling, small arms reaching up to pull the older male closer to him. He loved kissing Sebastian; it was unlike anything else he had ever experienced before. Sebastian chuckled before rolling himself, his forearms supporting much of his weight so he didn't crush the delicate form beneath him.

A small moan left Ciel's lips and his partner took the opportunity to carefully slide his warm tongue into the inviting space. The wet muscles tangled into one another, each rolling and tasting the other until both men were breathless. They parted with heavy breaths and Sebastian smirked at the heavy blush that had settled over the usually pale cheeks of the student.

Maybe it was all the wine or possibly a moment of pure insanity for Ciel, but he bravely ran his fingertips along the edge of Sebastian's black V-neck; feeling the taut muscles of his abdomen. He sucked in a quick breath as he watched his own hand disappear under the fabric; caressing the soft skin underneath.

Red eyes danced with delight as he took in the curious expression in front of him. He hummed approvingly when the small hand moved to his lower back, pulling him down for another kiss. Sebastian placed a knee strategically between Ciel's thighs, nudging them apart slightly so his upper leg pressed into the already stiff clothed member.

Ciel gasped and shivered as Sebastian rolled his hips down, the motion rubbing against his need. Instinctively, the student pushed up, wanting more friction. The older male growled lightly in want and sucked hard on the plump lower lip, his own length being stimulated unknowingly by the younger male's actions.

As the two ground into one another, their ministrations pushing their arousals even further, Ciel wondered in the back of his mind how this was even possible. While Sebastian sucked and nipped at the smooth neck, the student thought about how for years his own body had been at war with itself; blood fighting in a never-ending battle for his life against the cancer that had nestled itself in his bones.

He came to view his naked body as a container for the disease; his skin being the shell in which needles delivered the toxic medication into him and radiation burned away what lay underneath. Everyone who touched him was professional and medical; faceless doctors and numerous nurses treating him as just another patient. Never a soft caress or second glance at his frail form as the medical community went about their job to eradicate the hungry disease living within his blood like a noxious beat.

It was this experience that kept Ciel from touching himself; from exploring his maturing body. He couldn't fathom how he could find any enjoyment in being handled by another human being. Besides, who would want to place their hands on something so contaminated as him? He couldn't have been more wrong.

He let out a low whine at the sensations that were pulsing through his body from Sebastian's experienced touches. The older male nipped at the student's exposed collarbone while his hand dipped down to pop the button on Ciel's constricting jeans. Quickly, he reached up and pulled the black shirt over his head, tossing it somewhere behind them.

Ciel's eyes opened wide as he stared at the expanse of skin hovering over him. Sebastian was a mass of sinewy muscle, his body slender and toned from years of dancing. Shyly, the student reached up and ran his hand over the defined torso, marveling the way the muscles contracted under his touch.

"Like what you see, love?" Sebastian purred as the student blushed, quickly withdrawing his hand in embarrassment. Long fingers caught the retracting wrist and placed it back onto the warm body. "It's alright," he soothed. "You can touch me all you want." A quick kiss was placed on the supple lips before he scooted himself lower, settling between the slim thighs.

Sebastian smirked as he eyed the bulge in the student's pants. Placing a hand on the small hip, he unzipped the jeans and pulled them down before releasing a hot breath over the growing wet spot on the exposed boxers. Ciel shuddered and he turned his head to the side in an attempt to keep from moaning out loud.

Blue eyes watched their reflections in the mirrors with wonder. He felt more than saw how Sebastian nuzzled his nose into Ciel's crotch, inhaling deeply the scent of the other male's arousal. His head snapped back and he looked down to see the last piece of clothing being moved out of the way, hissing as the cool air of the room met with his heated member.

Sebastian's length twitched as he saw the rigid flesh fall back onto the student's belly, smearing a bit of pre-cum onto it. Ciel shut his eyes and groaned as long fingers encircled his want, bringing it to stand straight in front of hungry lips.

"Hello, my pet." Sebastian whispered to the glistening head. "So nice to finally make your acquaintance." He chuckled and Ciel groaned again; mortified by the teasing tone.

"St-top that." Ciel managed, his frame shaking from the hot breath ghosting over the sensitive muscle. "You-ou're emb-barassing me." His face flushed red from both insecurity and arousal.

Sebastian stopped for a moment, his red eyes taking in the panting mess in front of him. He was a little confused by the statement for all he saw was a beautiful young man aroused and alive with want and desire. The hot shaft in his hand pulsated in time with Ciel's heartbeat and he glanced down at it, admiring the smoothness of the soft skin. Maybe he had moved a bit too fast for his virgin. If he wanted to proceed any further he would need Ciel's permission first.

Foregoing the mouthwatering mass, Sebastian instead moved up and placed soft kisses over the slight torso. His tongue tracing along the contours of the quivering muscles moving with every shaky breath the student took. He continued to move up the lithe body, listening to the quick gasps from overhead as he pushed Ciel's shirt out of the way and finally pulling it over the younger male's head.

Ciel looked up as Sebastian straddled his waist, the red eyes skimming over the slender physique. He blushed furiously at the way the older male eyed him hungrily. The student moaned in pleasure as Sebastian ran his fingertips over a small pectoral, lightly flicking the pink nipple before lowering his head to its twin.

"Breathtaking." He whispered before gently sucking the nub into his mouth, tweaking the other with his hand.

A surprised cry echoed across the room as Ciel arched his back into the touch. His hands flew to find purchase in the ebony locks that now tickled his skin along with the unbelievable sensations Sebastian's mouth was causing. The student fought to breathe, moaning and mewling as his body was lavished with loving attention.

"Sebastian." Ciel called, eyes shut tight as another wave of pleasure rolled through his body. "I-I want you." He cried out. The older male crawled up, his face hovering over the panting lips.

"Fuck, Ciel. I need you." He whispered hotly. "I need to touch you. Open up to me. Please." Pressing a heavy kiss into the young man's throat, earning a low whine in response.

Ciel's head was spinning, he felt so hot and he wanted; he didn't know what, but his body begged for the older male's touch. Giving into his feelings, "Yes, God, please," he pleaded. It was all Sebastian needed to hear.

With cat-like swiftness, Sebastian positioned himself between Ciel's thighs again; fingers wrapping around the throbbing member as if they had never left. Bringing it upright, he smirked as he flicked his tongue into the leaking slit, tasting the salty fluid.

"Gahh . . . fu-nnmm," Ciel moaned at the feeling, shoving a fist into his mouth to muffle the lewd sounds he was making. Sebastian smirked at the action as his hand slowly began to pump the shaft.

"Don't hold back, love." He instructed, rubbing his own aching need with his other hand. "Let me know how much you like it." Leaning down, Sebastian placed his lips over the angry head, sucking on it lightly.

Ciel babbled out more incoherent words at the sensation, removing his hand from his mouth. What was he supposed to do? Talk dirty? His paranoia over his inexperience was quickly shoved away as Sebastian ran his tongue from the base to the tip of Ciel's shaft. His body convulsed at the feeling and he moaned loudly.

"God, you taste so good." Sebastian breathed, positioning his elbow to hold down Ciel's thrusting hips so he could unbutton his own jeans; reaching into pull out a rigid cock. "It's like sweets and pastries." He groaned, stroking himself as he continued to lick the throbbing muscle.

"More." Ciel demanded, even though he didn't know what more was. He was so hot and the aching between his thighs was becoming unbearable. He wanted Sebastian to do something, anything to ease the need. "Please, more." He begged.

A sharp cry left panting lips and fingers flew to tangle in Sebastian's hair as the older male fully engulfed Ciel in one swift move. Hips pushed up as the student sought more of the wonderful wet mouth that enveloped him, moans of pleasure spilling forth. This was amazing; Ciel never thought his body would ever give him such a delicious high.

"God, oh God!" He cried out with reckless abandon as Sebastian gave an especially hard suck. He bobbed his head up and down over the hot muscle, tongue flattening out over the thick vein to create over more friction. "Yes! Fuck!" Ciel moaned loudly, trying desperately to buck his hips, but being restrained by the strategically placed arm.

Sebastian pumped his own cock, thumb pressing into the wet slit causing him to shiver at the sensations it produced. The sounds of Ciel's pleasured cries turning him on all that much more. He moaned over the student's erection and the vibrations it caused earned him a loud mewl from above.

Ciel panted heavily, he wanted; no, he needed to find whatever release his body was searching for. His fingers ripped into Sebastian's hair as he struggled to push himself further into that glorious mouth. The older male removed his hand from Ciel's cock and placed it lightly on the small hipbone. With the restraining hold gone, Sebastian relaxed his jaw as he let Ciel's natural instincts take over and the student began to fuck his mouth.

He grunted with pleasure as slim hips erratically beat into the awaiting mouth, hands holding the dark head in place as Ciel bucked up. Heat pooled in this belly and he moaned loudly as it began to spread into his thighs and cock.

"I-I'mmmm . . .ah, God!" He yelled, thrusts falling out of pace as he raced towards the edge. Sebastian stroked his own need, pushing himself forward so they could orgasm together. Knowing he would cum any minute, the older male delivered the final blow to Ciel's resistance as he slammed the wild hips down and swallowed multiple times around the fully engulfed member.

"Sebastian!" Ciel screamed as white hot pleasure tore through him. He came hard, thighs shaking from the intensity of his first orgasm. The student fought to breathe as wave after wave of pure bliss racked his frame, so caught up in his own gratification that Ciel didn't even hear Sebastian as he grunted his own release. The older male greedily swallowed what Ciel gave him, lapping and cleaning the spent cock with fervor.

When he could see again, Ciel glanced down to see Sebastian sucking the remnants of his cum from his body and grimaced slightly at the sight. "You don't have to do that." He remarked, feeling guilty that the man felt the need to.

"Mmm, don't know why I wouldn't want to, my lord." He hummed, releasing the member with a soft pop and licking his lips. "You taste absolutely divine." Ciel rolled his eyes as Sebastian tucked them both back into their respective clothing before moving up to nuzzle his nose into the younger male's throat.

"Goofy bastard." Ciel whispered, smiling as Sebastian pulled him close into his firm chest. He snuggled into the embrace, enjoying the simple joy of feeling their damp naked bodies touching.

"Are you alright?" Sebastian whispered into Ciel's ear.

"Yes, that was," he nodded, smiling. "That was amazing. The things you did to me." His voice faded out, insecurity rearing its ugly head.

Long fingers pulled the small chin towards the older male, forcing Ciel to look straight at him. Red eyes gazed seriously into wide innocent blue ones, a foreign emotion making itself present.

"Only with you." Sebastian whispered firmly. "I will only do that with you. I'm all yours, Ciel. Tell me that you're only mine as well." He asked with such apprehensiveness that the student felt the need to calm his nerves quickly.

"Yes," Ciel answered strongly. "I'm all yours and nobody else's." He pressed himself harder into the older male's chest, resting his head there. "I can't even imagine doing that with anyone other than you. It's like fate brought us together." The student blushed at the overly romantic, but truthful admission.

"It is." Sebastian agreed, placing a soft kiss into the slate colored head. "It's because we're simply meant to be."

 


	17. Chapter 17

_**Greetings Candy Skullzzzzzz!** _

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* * *

Drip.

Drip.

Drip.

A sliver of blue peered through a slightly cracked eyelid, lazily scanning its surroundings while the repetitive sound of water drops against a hard surface echoed loudly in the air. To Ciel however, it sounded like a hammer methodically beating into his head, it hurt that much. A cold shiver traveled through his body as he attempted to assess the current situation; confused and chilled, he began questioning himself.

Why was he face down on his shower floor? Why was he so unbelievably frozen to the bone? Why did his head hurt so damn much?

Taking a shuddering breath, Ciel shifted his body and winced at the numbness of his arm trapped underneath his bare chest. A deep groan escaped his lips as he attempted to lift his head, his efforts rewarded with a sharp needle like pain shooting through the side of his head that was currently pressed against the tile floor.

Bracing himself, Ciel used his arms as if he were doing pushups to lift his upper body. The urge to gag at the spider shaped splotch of blood pooled where his head had been resting caused his arms to wobble a bit. Much to his dismay, he felt a trickle of warm fluid dribble down the side of his face. It must have been from impact, he thought sourly, hopefully it's not too deep.

Ciel peered down at his body and found that he was completely naked, drenched in a mix of water and sweat. Realization started to break apart the nebulous cloud of confusion, as Ciel slowly regained full consciousness. A memory flashed across his mind as to why and how he had ended up waking in such a state.

The college student had been taking a late morning shower and once he was done, he had reached to shut the water off. It was then that his world had succumbed to darkness and Ciel remembered nothing else; waking up, God only knows how long after, on the shower floor.

"I fainted." He mumbled in disbelief, pale body trembling from having lain so long against the cold bathroom tiles. Unaware of how long he had been knocked out, Ciel knew he needed to get out of the bathroom before he fainted again.

With whatever energy he had left, he weakly pushed the shower stall door open and dragged himself out onto the plush bath mat. It took every ounce of energy, but Ciel was able to prop himself against the toilet and snatch a thick towel. The effort left the young man painting for breath, a full throbbing headache intensifying with every movement he made.

Praying he wouldn't faint again, he wrapped himself tightly and grit his teeth to stop chattering. Reaching for his silver pocket watch situated on top of the sink counter, the chain rattled in his shaking hand as he clicked the watch open and noted the time. A choked sob left his throat and echoed against the tiled walls.

Ciel had been out cold for almost three hours.

"Shit!" He hissed and shut his eyes as another wave of dizziness wracked his head. There was a slight chance that his head injury needed stitches and he wasn't quite sure if he was suffering from a concussion. There were no feelings of nausea and he did not have double vision, but one could not take chances when head injuries were involved.

Swallowing hard, Ciel hoisted himself up onto the counter and carefully placed the watch back down. Grunting with pain, his body stiff from laying prone and cold for several hours, he made his way out of the bathroom.

The small apartment was soon filled with the sounds of gasping breaths and pained moans accompanied by stumbling footsteps as Ciel leaned heavily against the hallway wall and any piece of furniture he could steady himself on. What probably took only several minutes felt like hours for the battered young man, everything seemed so far away and fuzzy. In his mind he had already calculated a way to receive the much needed help without alerting his family of his accident. Grabbing his cell phone off of the nightstand, and nearly knocking over a lamp in the process, he quickly searched for a number and pressed "dial", all the while shivering uncontrollably, miserable with pained discomfort. The call rang for several seconds until the line was picked up.

"William speaking." The smooth voice answered.

"D-Do...Doctor?" Ciel stuttered, rubbing his arms in an attempt to warm his clammy skin. Another wave of dizziness crashed over him as he gripped his towel tightly, fighting the urge to lie down and fall asleep. "It's Ciel...I-I need your help."

* * *

Half an hour later Dr. Spears stood before Ciel, pen light in hand, examining his pupils. Ciel could only manage pulling on a robe before the doctor had arrived, appearing at his door flushed and panting from running up four flights of stairs. The normally stoic and composed physician had arrived almost frantic and disheveled, rushing into the apartment and immediately escorting Ciel to his bedroom, sitting his patient on the bed.

"You are a lucky boy, Ciel." Spears murmured, clicking his pen light off and shoving it back into his medical bag. "You show no signs of a concussion, but you are mildly dehydrated. Thankfully the gash isn't too deep and the blood loss was minimal."

Ciel nodded. "I haven't fainted in a long time, Doc. Is it the anemia?" The doctor hummed as he pressed more gauze against the cut on Ciel's temple. It wouldn't need stitches, but it was enough to cause some pain and light headiness.

"Yes, without proper treatment, these episodes will only get worse." He glanced at Ciel and sighed heavily, knowing there would be more of these fainting spells if his patient doesn't receive proper treatment. However, he had made a promise to hold back treatment until after the New Year.

He noted Ciel's bone white pallor and as a result, regret immediately seized his conscience. How could he have agreed to stalling treatments? He berated himself for having made the deal with the young man, but he knew he could never say no to his Ciel. The young man was his only weakness and he hoped that the delay in treatment wouldn't do too much harm in the end.

Ciel bowed his head and shuffled slightly to his left, wordlessly granting his doctor permission to sit next to him on the bed. Spears paused, contemplating the situation before finally giving in to Ciel's invitation. He sat next to his secret love, suddenly feeling the urgent need to change his mind. "I'm really worried about you, Ciel." He admitted slowly, fixing the young man with his bright green eyes. "Not just medically, but emotionally as well."

A small frown rested on Ciel's face. "Emotionally? Why?"

"It is terribly clear that you have been notably, and rightfully so, stressed." Dr. Spears pointed out. "Stress causes a decrease in the absorption of nutrients and the creation of white blood cells. White blood cells support our immune system by fighting disease and infection. Do you see the connection?" He was met with a stubborn stare. "Ciel, please reconsider your decision!" Spears implored, hoping that he would rethink his decision. "The sooner we start treatment, the higher the likelihood is of survival!"

Instead, Ciel just yawned, tiredly resting his head on the doctor's shoulder. "It's way out of my hands right now. And quite honestly I don't want to talk about it anymore." He looked up at his physician, nudging his chin into the broad shoulder. Wide blue eyes drooping from his sudden fatigue, "and I'm so tired." He whined plaintively, the sadness of the situation was too much to bear at that moment and all he wanted to do was give in to the hazy comfort of sleep.

Dr. Spears released a small sigh at their sudden closeness, the smell of shampoo and clean skin assaulting his senses and mocking his inability to act upon his hidden desires. He wanted to run his hands through the mildly damp bluish hair, turn his head and kiss the young man's temple, maybe even allow his hands to roam up the opening of the robe knowing full well that Ciel was naked underneath.

"The pain medication I gave you is beginning to take effect." The doctor murmured, gently pushing Ciel backwards onto the bed, who complied without much protest while slowly closing his eyes. Grasping the young man's alabaster legs, Spears lifted them off the floor and tucked the barely clothed limbs underneath the dark blue duvet. By the time he finished, Ciel's breathing had evened out and it appeared that he had finally fallen asleep.

He looks like an angel, the doctor mused quietly admiring the heart shaped face and plump pinkish lips. His fingertips softly ghosted over the slim neck and he chanced caressing the college student's supple cheek with the back of his hand. Ciel was a delicious and forbidden treat that Spears wanted to taste.

Only a taste.

Before he could think better of his actions, Spears leaned down and gently pressed his lips against Ciel's. He could feel his own heart bearing rapidly as he clenched the thin cotton robe Ciel wore. A peek of his small chest beckoning the doctor to touch, to discover, to feel what could be his.

What was his.

His Ciel.

A tentative hand fanned over on the young man's chest and trailed up to firmly hold the back of Ciel's head. He closed his eyes as he licked the delectable lips and planted shy pecks along the jaw line. His lips found their way back to those of his sleeping patient and he gave one last firm kiss, not daring to part the docile lips and enter uninvited into Ciel's warm mouth.

A low moan caused the doctors eyes to shoot open and he immediately detached himself from Ciel. Wiping his mouth with a shaky hand, he looked down at him and realized with horror that Ciel's eyes were slightly open.

"Doctor?" Ciel croaked, his voice thick from the medications. "I hath the strangeth fucking dre . . .," then he was out cold again.

Dr. Spears breathed out his relief and rolled his eyes up to stare at the ceiling. He had to leave now before he lost control again. The prize was not ready to be won, he told himself as he packed his supplies, first I must ensure that there is no other competition.

As he closed the door to the apartment he touched his lips and recalled the kiss.

"I love you, Ciel." He whispered to the empty hallway, fingertips touching the door one last time before he whirled around on his heels and walked briskly towards the stairs.

* * *

Buuuuuzzzzzz

Ciel lifted his head from his pillow and stared groggily at the cell phone on his nightstand. A quick glance at the alarm clock read 6pm.

"Ow! My fucking head." He groaned, gently touching the bandage taped securely to his left temple. "I can't believe a morning shower ended up costing me an entire Saturday." He furrowed his brow in annoyance and reached for his phone, cursing the ache in his body from the spill he took in the stall.

A hot blush flared across his cheeks; there were several text messages from Sebastian. With a silly grin, Ciel quickly sat up and began reading the messages:

'My dearest friend,

if you don't mind

I'd like to join you by your side

Where we can gaze into the stars

And sit together,

now and forever

For it is plain as anyone can see

We're simply meant to be'

"You are so cheesy." He laughed aloud to himself before reading the following message:

'Last night was amazing'

Ciel bit his lip; the heat from his intimate encounter with Sebastian was still leaving him a bit breathless. The insurmountable pleasure was unlike anything he had ever experienced in his life. One more message caught his eye and he quickly opened it:

'Walked by your building to chance a hello, but saw your "family doctor" leave. I suppose he makes house calls now?'

It felt as if someone had thrown a bucket of ice water over his entire body. Ciel's hand trembled as he reread the message with wide and unbelieving eyes. How could this happen again? Why would Sebastian drop by unannounced again? Checking the time the message was sent, Ciel drew in a deep breath.

"1:30pm." He read, shaking his head. Explaining a house call in 2013 would not be any easy task. The tone of the text seemed curt and he could only imagine what jealous and furious thoughts were running through the raven haired man's head. How would he be able to bounce back from this?

Thinking carefully, Ciel tapped out a reply and hit send, crossing his fingers that Sebastian would be reasonable:

'Hey sorry just saw your message, I slipped in the shower and banged my head. So yeah, my family doctor DOES do house calls. If you don't believe me, you should see the bruise and the bandage I'm sporting right now'

He waited anxiously, curling his fist into his robe while clutching the cell with the other. All he wanted was to make sure that last night wouldn't be their last night together. The buzz of the device shook him from his thoughts; gathering his courage he opened the message and almost dropped his phone:

'I'm entering your building right now'

"Entering what building?" Ciel gasped, before bolting out of his bed with a string of curses following. He scurried for his dresser, pulling open drawers to find underwear, sweats and a loose t shirt to throw on before Sebastian reached the door.

The sound of knocking came just as he was hopping on one foot getting a sock on. Nervous fingers patting down his disheveled hair as he made his way to the foyer to open the door.

Sebastian stood at the threshold, wide eyed at the delirious looking young man before him. Ciel smiled weakly before he collapsed forward into Sebastian's arms.

"Oi! Ciel! What happened?" Ciel looked up at the handsome face and saw concern mixed with fear in his red eyes.

"It's the pain medication." He quickly explained, resting his head on Sebastian's shoulder and giving his arms a reassuring squeeze. "It's got me a bit loopy."

Sebastian stepped into the apartment with his arms still wrapped around Ciel and used his foot to push the door closed. Shrugging off his jacket, he let it drop to the floor and brought his hands up to the young man's face, tenderly cupping his cheeks. Ciel could feel Sebastian's gaze scanning over the injuries, his eyes closing when he felt the brush of a thumb against the spreading bruise from the edge of the square bandage to the skin around his eye. It felt so good to be in the older man's arms again, safe and protected, he had been shaken by this morning's incident and it reminded him of how dangerous his condition could be. Here with Sebastian though, it was as if nothing could happen to him, nothing could harm him or cause him endless pain.

Caressing his lover's cheek with one hand while the other was wrapped securely around Ciel's slim waist, Sebastian felt a pang of guilt clutch his heart as he surveyed the damage on his head. He hadn't expected this truth to be so real, his own jealousy had once again caused him to jump to conclusions. He gritted his teeth, angry with himself, and decided it was time to take care of his man.

"What are you doing?!" Ciel yelped when without warning Sebastian effortlessly swept him up into his arms bridal style and strode into his bedroom with ease. Ciel covered his face with his hands, embarrassment reddening his cheeks. "I'm not an invalid, you idiot! Put me down!" He hissed, giving his best glare.

Sebastian smirked at the stubborn reaction, the sight making him want to do terribly kinky things to the young man. Placing his prize gently onto the bed, he flanked the slim hips with both arms, effectively trapping Ciel where he sat.

Licking his lips with hungry intent, he growled lowly. "When you look at me like that, I get hard." The older male whispered.

Ciel stiffened in his spot. "Oh God! You are so embarrassing!" He cried, covering his face once more. Sebastian chuckled, pressing a firm kiss against Ciel's neck as he took a seat on the mattress next to the young man.

"Calm yourself, pet." He soothed, kneading his neck and shoulders with long fingers in an effort to relieve the tension that was consuming Ciel's body. "Walking about your flat after taking meds for a head injury is a sure way to invite another head injury." Sebastian placed another kiss on the young man's lips. "Now, let me have a dekko at it." Before Ciel could ask yet again for a translation, Sebastian reached up to grasp the small chin, gently turning his head so that he could examine the bandaged wound.

"Any stitches?" He asked, wincing at the dark purple discoloration marring the perfect pale landscape of Ciel's face.

"Thankfully none, but it hurts like hell." He mumbled, watching Sebastian out of the corner of his eye. It was hard to not want to just lunge at the older male and do unthinkable things to him. Even after last night's encounter, Ciel still could not voice what he wanted to do with Sebastian. He recoiled inwardly at the thought of vocally expressing his inner most private desires to this experienced man and that alone frustrated him.

"You like to drop by unannounced, don't you?" Ciel turned to face Sebastian, throwing him a smirk. "And you also enjoy jumping to conclusions."

Sebastian knitted his brows. "If you were in my place, you'd have done the same." He ceased massaging Ciel's shoulders and dropped his hands to his own lap. "I came by with a surprise for you."

"A surprise?" Ciel chewed on his lower lip and grabbed Sebastian's hands, giving them a firm squeeze. "You don't have to give me anything, you've already done so much." A small smile crept over his face as he pulled the black haired towards him, connecting their lips in a passionate kiss.

Sebastian tilted his head to deepen the kiss, tongue rolling into Ciel's mouth and licking over the perfect rows of teeth. He groaned, savoring the distinct taste of his lover as he hungrily explored the warm cavern. Teeth clicked and moist muscles battled for dominance as thick pants and low grunts emanated from parted lips.

Gripping the slender hips, Sebastian moved himself to straddle Ciel, careful not to crush the tired body with too much of his weight. Ciel moaned lowly as he felt the older male start to grind into him, small fingers twirling through the soft ebony locks and keeping their lips from breaking contact.

"Mmmnn, ahhh," Ciel breathed as Sebastian's clothed erection rubbed against his own hard want. He pushed his hips up to meet the downward thrusts, desperately searching for friction to ease his aching need.

Sebastian released Ciel's lips in favor of licking his damp neck, trailing kisses down the pale throat before landing on his collarbone to give a harsh nip and suck. The mewling sound Ciel gave only turned the older male on more and he hummed with delight as he rolled his hips into his lover harder. The younger male kept grinding up and Sebastian knew if they didn't stop now, they might not be able to shortly.

Taking a deep breath, Sebastian drew back as a disappointed whine fell from Ciel's lips from the halting of their activities. He took a moment to drink in the sight of damp skin and flushed cheeks as his lover pouted at him with freshly kissed lips and lusty eyes. Even with a bandaged head and bruises, his lover was still painfully beautiful and Sebastian smirked at what he saw, filing the memory away for later use when he would be alone in his apartment late at night and feeling lonely.

Clearing his throat, "I'm sorry for again questioning you." He apologized, leaning forward to press a light kiss onto Ciel's mouth. Nipping and teasing as he spoke softly against them, "I promise, no more doubts, I trust you, Ciel, I truly do." Sebastian smiled, reaching down to pull the young man into his arms and holding him securely against his chest.

"I trust you too." Ciel sighed, melting into the embrace while strong fingertips rubbed slow circles into his back. He snuggled into the warm chest, listening to the heavy heartbeat just beneath his ear.

Longer fingers tilted Ciel's chin so Sebastian could look at the young man again, red eyes gazing intently into ocean blue. "Last night I asked you to be mine." He paused momentarily, "and then you go slip and bash your head. Are you trying to get out of being my boyfriend?" He teased lightly.

Ciel grinned at the terminology. Boyfriend? He thought, face burning bright as thousands of flowers bloomed in his heart, bursting blossoms of happiness threatening to tear open his chest. This was so unexpected; a light in the darkness banishing every dark encounter and replacing it with only blinding happiness. He's mine, Ciel cried inwardly.

"You're so stupid." He giggled, the sound of his voice was lively and Sebastian loved hearing his blue eyed boy laugh. It sounded like life and merriment rolled into one delicious moment of cheer. "So what's my surprise?" Ciel's eyes sparkled wide and brilliant with anticipation.

The older male smirked, brushing strands of slate hair away from the pale face; he loved looking at those ocean eyes. "Tomorrow is Halloween."

"That's no surprise," Ciel snorted, rolling his eyes. "I can read a calendar you know."

"The surprise, my little lord, is not the date." Sebastian pulled out an object from his back pocket and placed it on Ciel's lap. "It's what we'll be doing on said date." Ciel looked down at his lap, eyes widening only to be replaced by a scowl so deep that Sebastian thought the boy was going to implode his own face.

Ah, he's making that face again, the older male mused, fighting the urge to manhandle the tight and delectable body laid before him.

Ciel grit his teeth. "You must be joking! And wipe that molesting smile off of your face!"

* * *

"I look so stupid." Ciel snarled, fixing Sebastian with his best death glare as he attempted to adjust the black cat ears perched atop his head. "If this parade wasn't so over the top I would never have agreed to this!"

Sebastian shrugged the enticing look away and offered Ciel his warmest smile. The cat ears were his little "surprise", but he had just added the black tail when they arrived at their destination. There was some resistance at first, but after coaxing the student with some soft touches and a few nips on his neck the older male got his way in the end.

"Stupid? I think you've never looked better!" He grinned, tugging playfully at the velvet cat ears.

Standing outside on the corner of Spring Street and 6th Avenue, the two men watched the Annual New York Village Halloween Parade unfold before them. It was estimated that over fifty thousand costumed participants descended on Halloween night to partake in the elaborate and festival styled Greenwich Village parade. Giant floats with live bands, puppeteers, performers and people in costume helped to create a carnival atmosphere for all to enjoy.

Ciel had never seen the parade, nor had he ever marched on it, but apparently Sebastian and Claude liked to join the throng of New Yorkers milling in the streets; the wild music and equally wild crowd was too good of a time for the dancers to pass up. It was an unrestrained pursuit of pleasure that lasted way into the early morning hours, complete with hangovers and a few phone numbers usually thrown their way. The British duo loved the revelries and they were even more pleased to include their newest interests.

"Hey! Where are Claude and Alois? I thought they were meeting us here at 10?" Ciel frowned, trying to look through the crowds for his best friend.

Sebastian checked his cell. "Perhaps they're running late, I'm sure they'll be here soon." He glanced at Ciel and flicked his nose with his finger. "Stop scowling, you'll get wrinkles that way."

Ciel swatted his hand away. "I'm scowling because I'm almost 21 years old and I'm forced to wear cat ears and a tail in public!"

"And you are quite fetching in this ensemble." He approved, humming at his little pet for the night.

"I don't do dress up." Ciel retorted, shifting his camera case on his shoulder. The bag wasn't heavy, bulky and clumsy, yes, but he was looking forward to the great photo opportunities that the parade would afford him. "Besides, you're not in costume, unfair much?!"

"Yes, I am." He smirked and to Ciel's surprise, Sebastian switched to a perfect American accent. "I'm a Yankee." Pulling a rumpled NY Yankees baseball cap from his back pocket and he promptly placed it on his head. "YOLO!" He announced loudly and waved at a crowd of zombies lurching past them. Toothless smiles and thumbs up were delivered to the tall handsome man.

Ciel burst out laughing. "You idiot! That's hysterical! Wait, hold still!" Wasting no time, Ciel snatched his camera out of his bag and adjusted the lens. "Stay right there." He ordered, stepping back a couple of inches.

Sebastian watched the college student snap several pictures, pleased with the bright smile on Ciel's face. Mostly pleased because it was he who was responsible for putting it there.

"Are we going to walk around and take in the sights?" The lack of an English accent seeming to suit Sebastian well. "This is quite a feast for the eyes."

"I know." Ciel agreed, lifting his camera again for some shots of a trio of men dressed as bright salmon pink flamingoes with large red feathers protruding from glittering crowns. "I love the energy. Like everyone is free to be whatever they want to be."

"Word, yo." Sebastian chuckled, clearly amused by a couple strolling hand in hand, one dressed as a vagina and another as a penis.

"Are you seriously going to talk like that all night?" Ciel inquired, quirking an eyebrow at the cap wearing male.

"Hell yeah." Sebastian affirmed while nodding. "It's part of my costume, you mad bro?"

"Wow, clearly you have a twisted idea of what Americans sound like." Ciel pointed out.

"Come on, let's walk around, it's mad brick out here." He retorted, chuckling s the student rolled his eyes.

Ciel shook his head, but couldn't resist the humorous smile on Sebastian's face. He turned to the older male, leaned up and placed a quick kiss on his lips. "I wish I was a kid again." He sighed, rubbing his nose against Sebastian's chin, inhaling the man's delicious scent.

"So you could get dressed up as a giant dildo?" He teased lightly.

Ciel scoffed, stepping back with a glare. "No! You idiot! So I could get free candy!"

Sebastian laughed, his eyes delighting in Ciel's juvenile admission. As much of an adult his Ciel was, he was endearingly childlike in so many ways. It made Sebastian want to protect him, spoil him, dote on him with fervent adoration. But most of all, watching his blue butterfly being admired by so many pedestrians, unknowingly allowing the world a view of his brilliant come hither eyes and heart stopping smile, Sebastian wanted to possess him. He is mine, he growled inwardly, while witnessing men and women alike visually lacerate his precious prize with their craving stares and starving looks.

Sebastian placed his arm around Ciel's waist, pressing him close to his side and bent slightly to rest his head into the crook of Ciel's neck before giving it a long languid suck on the pale skin. Ciel did not move, his eyes fluttered closed, suddenly overwhelmed by the heat pulsing into his skin. He was fully aware that Sebastian was marking him as his own and he was perfectly fine with that.

"Would you dress up for me?" Sebastian whispered, pressing his lips against Ciel's temple and trailing kisses along the side of his face until he reached the college student's ear. "What I wouldn't give to see you dressed up in something . . . erotic."

"Erotic?! You freak!" Ciel cried, slapping Sebastian on the arm as he seductively nipped at an earlobe.

"Oh, but my little lord," he cooed, wrapping his arms around Ciel's waist and pressing their bodies together tightly. "Wouldn't it be smashing having you dressed as a Victorian noble? Royal blue jacket, cream ruffled shirt, perhaps a pair of buckled heeled ankle boots?"

Ciel smirked. "Look at you, playing on my love for Europe in the 1800's." He leaned up to capture a kiss. "You're lucky I find you irresistible." Instant regret erupted within Ciel, his mind frantic with shame. How could he have said something so embarrassing to the king of all perverts? He watched Sebastian's garnet eyes glow with delight, flickering with lust and raw want.

"Do you now?" Sebastian purred, pressing Ciel's free hand against his hardening length. "This wants you . . ."

"SEBAST-CHAN!" A high pitched voice screeched across a crowd.

Sebastian whirled around and gripped Ciel's arms, drawing him flush against his chest in a protective manner. Of all people, of all places, he thought angrily, why him and why here?

"Fuck all kinds of duck." He growled, red eyes flashing dangerously.

* * *

_**A/N: The lyrics Sebastian texted to Ciel are from the song "Simply Meant to Be" from the Tim Burton movie "The Nightmare Before Christmas" it's the love song of Jack and Sally.** _

 


	18. Chapter 18

_**Greetings Candy**_   _ **Skullzzzzz!**_

 _ **I love dem reviews! Thank you**_!

_**I've been sick for five days now with a brutal lung and sinus infection and so I've been MISERABLE, but writing nonetheless. There's lots of drama brewing now and I appreciate the feedback SMTB has been receiving oxox** _

_**Shout out to Ischagoras for the fabulous and "tight" one shot created for me (I won a contest woot woot!) check this delicious SebxCiel piece titled "Masquerade". Please read and review, it's delicious!** _

_**ANIME CUJO! thank you :D** _

* * *

"SEBAST-CHAAAAANNNNN!"

Ciel felt a wave of nausea hit him as he watched Grell, dressed up in a most elaborate geisha costume, teetering towards then on a pair of getas, raised wooden clogs. The over the top red head was hanging onto the arm of a young and very good looking man dressed in a dark brown business suit. It wasn't so much the elaborately decorated kimono, pasty white face makeup, traditional shimada hairstyle, or the bone white and blood red paper fan demurely placed over the lower half of Grell's face.

It was his eyes.

Two cat-like jade green eyes fluttered like a pair of enraptured jeweled butterflies and to Ciel's great dismay, they were trained solely on Sebastian. It was as if he were practically undressing his dark haired lover with every bat of Grell's fake curled eyelashes.

Fucking whore, he seethed internally, more angry now that he could see how expensive the silk cherry blossom themed kimono was and how Grell actually looked like a beautiful woman; his thin face enhanced by delicate red lips and smoky black lined eyes.

"What is THAT doing here?" Ciel bristled, pointing at the clearly intoxicated Grell stumbling towards them. "I swear to God, Seb . . .OW!" He cried, at the harsh smack on his head from the closed fan. "Are you high!?" Ciel spat, rubbing the accosted spot on his crown. "What the hell was that for?!"

"I am not a THAT! I am a person!" Grell screeched, dramatically flailing his arms in the air as the long sleeves whipped like flags, smacking his partner fully in the face. "I am a human being and I will not stand for some flavor of the month twink insulting me!"

Sebastian placed his hand on Ciel's hair and rubbed the spot gently before reaching out and snatching Grell around his neck. His long fingers wrapped tightly around the pale throat and he gave it a firm, but quick shake. "Touch him one more time Grell and I will box your ears, you beastly bitch!" He growled through clenched teeth.

"OH, SEBAS-CHAN!" A shiver ran through the older male as he watched Grell's eyes glaze over; a harsh red blush erupting on his cheeks. To Sebastian's amazement and disgust, Grell was finding pure enjoyment from his rough manhandling. "You tease! You monster! Squeeze me! Tempt me! Beat Me!" The effeminate man squealed, grasping Sebastian's wrist and holding on tightly. Leaning towards the tall male, he licked his lips and offered a wide smile of gleaming white teeth. "Fuck me?" He begged, pursing his lips.

"Are you blinking mad?!" Sebastian released his hold on Grell, stepping back with a disgusted look on his face. "Oi, you!" He called to the business suited man who was standing passively next to Grell. "Do something with your pet before he gets himself killed!"

"I am not Ronald's pet!" Grell huffed, rubbing his abused neck. "He's my bodyguard! He's to make sure I'm not to be assaulted by some overzealous partygoers tonight!"

Ciel snorted, his patience quickly running thin. "And who's protecting all the innocent men you're molesting tonight?"

Green eyes flashed furiously; it was on.

"Look here, pussy." He sneered, pointing his fan at Ciel's face and swaggering towards the blue haired man with murderous intent. "Clearly you're aware of how out of your league Sebastian is and you think by being a mouthy little cunt will hide that fact." Grell sniffed arrogantly, shooting Sebastian a wink. "I've seen him in action and there's no way you have the experience to-"

"Enough!" Sebastian interjected loudly.

Ciel turned to stare at his man, the force of the older male's anger hanging heavy from his command. It had the young man wondering what exactly Grell was talking about and why Sebastian showed so much hatred towards the flamboyant redhead.

Yes, he wondered, suddenly getting irritated himself. Why indeed?

"Sebastian." Ciel laced his fingers through the other's and narrowed his eyes at him. "Explain again how you don't remember this person standing here in front of us." Giving a harsh tug at the hand, the young man watched Sebastian nervously dart his eyes away from his glare. "And don't lie to me this time." He hissed.

All music, all displays of color and frivolity seemed to turn a watery gray, as the hint of dread crept easily into the mood. Sebastian grimaced at the impending fight approaching and he cursed inwardly at his poor luck.

"Ciel, I don't believe that now is the best time to explain." Sebastian murmured, he could not bring himself to look into the angry blue eyes. As it was the younger male was staring poisonous daggers at him and he knew this was not going to end well.

Ciel tilted his chin up, gritting his teeth. "I'm going home." The bitter cold tone forming an ache in Sebastian's heart. If he didn't put a stop to the situation then all the progress with his skittish butterfly would be halted.

"No! Love, please, listen!" He pleaded, grabbing Ciel's arm only to be abruptly pushed away. His pleas fell uselessly against deaf ears.

"Don't touch me!" Ciel spat, stepping away from Sebastian to place some distance between them. "You're hiding something and it has to do with that!" He snapped, head motioning towards Grell.

Barely able to suppress his snickers and snorts, Grell stood silently by while gloating, the train wreck unfolding beautifully in his eyes. His "bodyguard" raised a questioning eyebrow. "Mr. Sutcliff." He ventured.

"Madame Butterfly, Ronald" He corrected. "Tonight, I am Madame Butterfly!"

Ronald sighed heavily. He was an intern at the museum, just like Alois, except he didn't have it in him to stand up to his obnoxious slave driving boss. Grell had offered him a hefty incentive to accompany him to the famous parade: two weeks off and one hundred dollars. Ronald was already wondering if this night was worth it at all. Shaking his head wearily, he scratched his blonde-black hair and rolled his eyes.

"Okaaay, Madame Butterfly." He replied evenly. "How do you know that tall guy?"

Grell smiled. "Oh, it's a very interesting story!" Grin widening while he watched Ciel storm off down the street through the thickening crowd with Sebastian hot on his trail. "I believe I've dealt the deathblow to that relationship!" With a smart snap of his wrist, a fan opened fluidly and he walked away, chuckling darkly behind the delicate white and crimson fabric.

* * *

The parade was under full swing, numerous revelers walked the streets blowing bubbles from sticky wands, a live band played festive Calypso music atop a mobile wooden stage while hundreds of costumed citizens danced their way down the streets. However, Ciel noticed nothing as he forced his way through the crowds, fury mounting higher and higher, he wanted to get away from Sebastian as quickly as possible.

"Ciel!" Sebastian shouted out while weaving his way through the crowds of people, intent on not losing sight of the young man. "Dammit, Ciel!" He cursed angrily, reaching out to grab the back of the college student's jacket. "Stop acting like a fucking child and listen to me!"

Ciel whirled round, eyes full of shock. "What did you just call me?"

"I didn't call you anything." Sebastian huffed. "I asked you to-"

"I know what you fucking asked me!" Ciel yelled back, a few onlookers stopping to watch the heated exchange to which Sebastian eyed them with a vicious glare.

"What the fuck are you looking at?" He growled menacingly, causing the busy bodies to scurry away. Turning slowly to face his seething lover, Sebastian cupped his cheek and leaned into his ear. The surrounding bustling noises of a rowdy evening street party giving him the excuse to press their chests together, causing a breathy moan to slip from Ciel's lips. Sebastian smirked as he spoke. "Yes, I've met Grell before, but not in the capacity for which you think. I have never touched, kissed, hugged, fondled, licked or fucked that wanking twat!" Ciel blinked, astonished at his boyfriend's sudden rant. "I would never in a hundred damn years snog him! I haven't been with anyone in any single way in almost six months!" Desperate red eyes took in the conflicting emotions on Ciel's face as each one battled for dominance.

"How does he know you?" Ciel asked slowly, leaning into Sebastian's body. His slim arms encircling the dancer's waist hugging him tightly.

"Ciel." Sebastian pressed further into the lithe form, a feeling of warmth intermingled with nervousness pulsed through his body. The smell of fresh soap still evident in the silken strands of blue hair seemed to calm him as he buried his face into the younger male's neck. "I met him three years ago when I first came to America," he began, "Claude and I had nothing at first so we, we took on odd jobs until the banks would approve our business loans."

Ciel lifted his head from Sebastian's chest and looked him dead in the eyes. "What 'odd jobs' did you take?" He asked suspiciously.

Sebastian coughed. "I, uh, we were . . . strippers."

"WHAT?!" Ciel screeched.

"Ciel, if you want to know anything you must be quiet and listen to me." Sebastian replied sternly. Ciel breathed in deeply and nodded his head; he needed the truth; now.

"We worked for a well-known club, Hunkmania." Sebastian continued. "It was only for female audiences and we did not, I swear, did not indulge in full nudity. We entertained bachelorette parties and the like, that's it."

"But that doesn't explain Grell!" Ciel pointed out.

Sebastian grimaced as he recalled the memory. "Somehow he gained entrance into the club, dressed as a totty, and I ended up being sexually harassed by that two legged arse!"

Ciel shook his head. "But he knows your name and he acts like he knows you intimately."

Sebastian sighed. "I never lied when I told you that my company has done numerous functions at the MOMA. He makes sure to harangue me about how he prefers me to strip rather than waltz." A slight blush tinted Sebastian's pale cheeks. "I'm not going to ever apologize for what I chose to do. It paid the bills and kept me focused upon my end goals; however, it pains me whenever I have to deal with Grell because I am an artist; not a piece of meat."

"Well, well, well, lookie, lookie here!" Drawled a familiar voice, "Two wobblers having a row in the middle of the street."

Sebastian groaned. "Christ, kill me."

Dressed all in black and sporting bright purple sequined devil horns, Claude sauntered over to the bickering duo with a shit eating grin on his face. Oh, this is going to be fun, he thought. "Sorry we are a tad late." Claude eyed Ciel's cat ears and winked at him. "Figured he'd get you to wear the ears."

"Shut up." Ciel muttered, casting an annoyed glance at Sebastian before turning his attention back to Claude. "Where's Alois?"

"He's using the loo at that bar over there." Claude tilted his head to the direction of the emerald green awnings of Molly's, an Irish bar two doors down. "He's a bit sloshed, but I believe the evening calls for it."

Before Ciel could respond, a raucous cheer erupted from a large group of exuberantly coifed drag queens dancing in front of the bar. The trio looked on curiously and what they witnessed caused each one a different reaction.

Sebastian dropped his jaw.

Ciel gasped.

Claude chuckled and ventured smugly towards the scene. "That's my girl!" He crowed proudly.

Alois was sashaying through the entrance of the local hangout, swinging his hips and tossing his head about, careful not to miss up his large black beehive wig.

"Amy fucking Winehouse!" Several queens screamed, jumping up and down in their ten inch stylish stilettos. "Sing it, Bitch!"

Icy blue eyes gleamed with excitement. This was what he lived for, all eyes on him, the world was Alois's stage and he was no mere player.

"When you walk in the bar. And you dressed like a star. Rockin' your F me pumps!" He sang loudly pointing at Claude and wiggling his ass. "And the men notice you. With your Gucci bag crew. Can't tell who he's lookin' to!"

A raunchy chorus of singers joined in with Alois, who was decked out in a hot pink patent leather mini skirt, tight black fishnet long sleeve shirt and checkered black and white six inch go-go boots. He was the walking embodiment of the late great singer, complete with exaggerated cat eyes makeup and sex-on two legs swagger.

Ciel couldn't help, but smile while he watched his best friend entertain the street crowd. The air was crackling with nervous energy and everywhere he looked he saw laughter and pure enjoyment; the night was alive and breathing the promise of adventure. Even with the ugly truth looming over him about Sebastian's past, a small voice inside his head kept prodding him about his own secrets.

You haven't told him about your cancer, it whispered; you're the biggest liar of all; at least he fessed up about his past.

That was the truth; Ciel knew he had no right to be angry with Sebastian. Whatever he had done in the past was his own business and had nothing to do with Ciel. The fact that Sebastian had kept the secret from him was no worse than what Ciel was currently doing.

I'm a coward, Ciel thought sadly.

Chancing a side glance at his boyfriend, Ciel suddenly realized that Sebastian had been staring at him with eyes full of uncertainty. Without a second thought, Ciel threw his arms around Sebastian's neck and kissed him deeply. He thought he heard a few hoots and whistles, but the normally shy student couldn't care less. His tongue tangled with Sebastian's, rolling sensually over the wet muscle. Ciel detached their mouths and proceeded to gently nibble on Sebastian's lips, tasting the delicious essence that was his man.

"Blimey." Sebastian breathed, his hands weaving themselves into Ciel's hair while he eagerly planted kisses on the young male's flushed cheeks. "Does this mean you're not angry with me?"

"I'm not angry." Ciel answered, delivering a sweet peck to his lips. " "In fact, I'm sorry for giving you a hard time about Grell..."

"Grell was here?!" Claude twisted his face with displeasure. "He's like a herpes flare up; it just never goes away!"

Sebastian chuckled. "I'm afraid he's worse than that, mate. The lad here wanted to know why that nitwit goes bonkers whenever he sees me."

Claude gave Ciel an amused look. "Really? You know about what we used to dabble in?"

Ciel frowned. "Dabble in?" He scoffed, making air quotes before folding his arms across his chest, his blue eyes meeting Claude's bemused stare. "I would hardly call stripping a career you-"

"Who's a stripper?!" Alois shouted while stumbling into Claude's arms and giggling. The impact knocked off the cumbersome wig and the golden eyed male laughed, embracing the scantily clad student before finally kissing his plump pink lips.

"Alois!" Ciel whistled to his mop top friend. "Get off of him and come here!" He waved at his friend to get his attention. "What the hell are you wearing?!"

Alois released Claude's lips with a loud smack; his face had a dusting of soft golden glitter coupled with a rosy tinge around his nose and cheeks. He was smiling widely, beaming at the tall male currently hiding close to his chest.

"In honor of our new friendships I decided to emulate the late, great, Amy Winehouse!" He explained loudly. "And it's a lot more creative than a pair of cat ears and tail!" He flicked the velvety ears playfully. "Why do you look like you're in a shitty mood?" Alois eyed Sebastian coldly. "Did you do something to him?" He growled lowly.

"Easy, pet." Claude whispered in the young man's ear. "We're all having fun here. Let them handle their own business."

**"Shitty moods?!" interjected Ciel, stepping towards Claude, meeting him with a defiant stare "You and Sebastian were both strippers before you opened your business, and while I've accepted that.."**

"You were a stripper?!" Alois exclaimed as he gaped at Claude. "Oh, my GOD!"

"Please don't be upset." Claude began, glaring at Ciel.

"Upset?" Alois fisted Claude's hair and pulled him down for a searing kiss, opening his jaw wide and sucking loudly at his lover's mouth. Rolling his tongue over lips and moaning loudly. "That is so fucking sexy!" He panted after tearing himself from the flushed and extremely aroused older man. "I want you to strip for me tonight and-"

"Really? Why am I not surprised?" Ciel threw his friend a reproachful look and huffed.

Alois looped his thin arms around Claude's neck, allowing the older man to grab the back of his thighs and hoist him up to wrap his legs around his waist. They continued kissing, uncaring of the stares and catcalls they received from the people passing by.

"Al, you need to calm down!" Ciel hissed, nervously looking around. "People are looking this way!" As it was a dozen pair of eyes were trained on to the group, clearly enjoying the very public display of affection. Whatever response Ciel had expected from his friend did not include the middle finger Alois flipped him without ceasing his make out session with Claude.

"Lighten up, buttercup." Alois sneered after finally coming off the kiss for some air. "If you can't handle this, how are you going to handle that?" He teased, pointing a finger at Sebastian. "I told you to take it slow, right?" Quirking an eyebrow at Ciel, silently wishing for his desired outcome. "Damn, kid, your face is so red!" He giggled.

The moment had turned awkward, in an effort to diffuse the situation Sebastian took Ciel's hand and squeezed it gently. "It's alright, love." He whispered into the young man's ear, nuzzling the sensitive area behind it. "Alois is loaded so don't take what he says to heart." Placing a soft kiss against Ciel's neck, "If you're not comfortable with these two getting off, I'll take you home." Ciel yanked his hand from Sebastian's hold, the abruptness of his action sending a wave of worry through the red eyed man's heart.

"I'm not a child!" He spat out, blue eyes fierce with fury. "I can handle anything, including you! I don't care about Grell, I don't care that you were a stripper, I don't care that you probably had 50 lovers-"

"Actually, 20 is more accurate." He corrected.

"I don't CARE!" Ciel yelled. "Now come with me!"

"Where are we going?" Sebastian asked as Ciel grabbed his wrist and began dragging him through the crowd, weaving in and around a multitude of costumes, pedestrians, and performers.

The night was thick with music and city life, loud and rhythmic, a magical mix of possibilities. Ciel had reached his limit though, between the confrontation with Grell and Alois's declaration of the young man's inexperience, he had had enough. He would be damned if anyone was going to point out his shortcomings; he wanted Sebastian and he was going to prove to the Englishman that Ciel Phantomhive was not one to be underestimated. Pride was certainly a driving force within Ciel's life.

"Flavor of the month twink my ass." He grumbled, yanking Sebastian onto a side alley between a pizzeria and a 24 hour deli.

"Wait! Where are we going?" Sebastian asked, frowning at their surroundings. The ill lit narrow passageway was lined with large metal dumpsters and piles on piles of cardboard boxes.

"Against the wall facing me." Ciel commanded, placing both palms flat against Sebastian's chiseled chest and shoving. "That's an order."

Red eyes glowed with interest. "Yes, my lord."

Leaning against the cool brick, Sebastian watched his blue eyed beauty trail slender hands down his chest to finally stop at his waist. Fingering the buckle of his belt, Ciel bit his lip and tugged the metal clasp. "Unbuckle." He willed lowly, praying his voice didn't betray the nervousness he felt.

Sebastian smirked at the sight of Ciel struggling with his pants. Playfully, he batted away the clumsy fingers and set to work undoing his belt, receiving a low growl of disapproval from the young man. Annoyed with the assistance, Ciel quickly dropped to his knees and grabbed ahold of the waistband of the dancer's jeans.

"Stop that!" Ciel argued, pushing the long hands out of the way. "I can do it myself." He huffed, flicking the button open and pulling the zipper down before jerking the jeans roughly to Sebastian's knees.

"What do plan on doing, my pet?" He whispered huskily, fingers brushing strands of bluish hair away from his lover's eyes. The dancer's dick twitched as the young man positioned his face in front of the bulge.

"Whatever I want." Ciel purred, nuzzling his nose into the clothed erection. He inhaled the musky scent, the fabric damp with his lover's arousal. Curiously, he stuck out his tongue and lapped at the wet spot before gagging lightly.

"God, it's so bitter!" Ciel complained, making a face. Sebastian frowned at the reaction. "Do you ever get used to that?"

"You are murdering my erection, love." The dancer informed cheekily. "I suggest you get on with it before it disappears altogether." He teased, pushing his hips forward and closer to the young man's face.

"Shut up!" Ciel retorted, throwing caution to the wind and yanking on the black cotton boxers; releasing the throbbing mass from its confines. Blue eyes widened at the sheer size of Sebastian's manhood bouncing proudly in the air.

The engorged flesh as not only long, but wide as well, the head flushed red and slick with pre-cum. He swallowed hard as he suddenly began to doubt his abilities in taking on such a huge task.

Sebastian ran his hand through the slate locks and addressed his lover in a soft tone, "Ciel, love-"

"I said shut the fuck up!" Ciel snapped, brow furrowing in annoyance. "I just, I need a minute. I didn't think it would be so big." He breathed before gritting his teeth when he heard the dancer chuckle.

Ciel braced himself for what he was about to do. He was angry that Grell had called him names, had challenged his ability to please his boyfriend and outright mocked him. He was even angrier with Alois for insinuating that he couldn't keep up with Sebastian's sexual prowess. Even Sebastian himself had implied that Ciel could back away if he felt uncomfortable.

"Dirty mouthed bugger. You should put that to good use." Sebastian growled, his patience starting to wear thin. Placing a hand on either side of his lover's crown, he pulled Ciel closer to his need. "Come now, be a good boy and play nice."

"You're distracting me. So shut it!" Ciel yelled before encircling the base with his hand. A low hiss was heard overhead as Sebastian felt the fingers squeeze around him. Positioning his lips in front of the gleaming head, Ciel took a deep breath. "I'm going to suck your dick and you're going to love it!"

Sebastian moaned when Ciel swallowed his cock in one swift move, letting the heated flesh slide as far back into the small throat as possible. The young man closed his eyes tight and began to bob his head, sucking and stroking in tandem with the movement as he went.

A red hot blush traveled from Ciel's neck to the top of his head as he slurped and sucked; his lover digging long fingers into his head as the man moaned in pleasure. The student couldn't believe he was doing this; he was giving a blowjob to his boyfriend in the middle of the city, in a dark alleyway, surrounded by a thousand wildly costumed people who were marching in a parade just a few feet away. The realization of what he was actually doing having dawned on him just now as he hollowed out his cheeks to give an especially hard suck.

"Mmmnaaahh." Sebastian moaned, as the warm tongue dug into the slit of his dick. "Are you . . . ah sure . . . y-you haven't done this . . . before?" He groaned as Ciel released his member with a low wet pop.

Blue eyes stared up into the lidded red orbs watching him. "Am I doing this rig-mmmfph." Ciel's question muffled as Sebastian forcefully shoved the small mouth back onto his cock.

"Shut up." The older male growled, hips thrusting forward as his lover began sucking again, harder this time. "Y-you need to . . . ahhh . . . concentrate." Ciel's hands gripped the backs of the dancer's naked thighs, holding the slim hips in place as he continued to attack the stiff member with his mouth.

He had never given a blowjob before. Hell, he had never touched another man's penis before for that matter. Regardless, Ciel was determined to show Sebastian that he could suck with the best of them and give the sexually experienced man the best goddamn head of his life!

Ciel threw his all into pleasuring Sebastian then, digging his nails into the strong muscles of his lover's toned legs as he flattened his tongue against the hot flesh. The dancer panted heavily at the feeling of his little love enthusiastically sucking him off. The student was so eager to please him and that desire only fueled the older male's arousal that much more.

"Aahh, aahhhhh, teeth!" Sebastian cried out, pulling on the hair between his fingers when he felt his lover's incisors graze lightly over his length. "C-careful, love . . .nnnmmm." He breathed, hips trying to thrust into the wet heat of the young man's mouth.

Ciel ignored the plea and instead pushed the dick as far back as he could possibly take it, the head tapping the back of his small throat as he tried to not to gag on the intrusion. Sebastian's body trembled from the act and he could feel his release quickly approaching. The young man hummed and the older male gasped loudly.

"Aahhh . . . God!" Sebastian practically yelled. "Take it! Drink me, baby!" He demanded, head flung back and eyes screwed shut as his cock throbbed violently at the base and his thighs quivered. Strong hands held Ciel's head in place and blue eyes shot wide as a hot sticky liquid shot down the back of his throat.

The student struggled to move away, the bitter taste and smell overpowering his senses. He continued to swallow rapidly in hopes of removing his lover's cum from his mouth as quickly as possible. Ciel listened as a slew of curses and his own name fell from Sebastian's lips as the man rode out his orgasm. Finally, the dancer released the young man's head and Ciel sat back, glaring up at the satisfied face above him.

"That was smashing." Sebastian sighed, leaning his tall frame against the brick wall. Tucking the now flaccid cock back into his boxers and pulling his pants back up. "By far the best I've ever had." He complimented with a quick wink.

Well, dammit. Ciel thought, no longer able to stay angry for having been forced to swallow his lover's pleasure without being asked first. He yelped with surprise as he was quickly pulled off his knees and long arms enveloped his body, Sebastian's low chuckle rumbling through his chest.

"Mmmm, I think I like it when you feel challenged." The dancer teased as he nuzzled his nose into Ciel's soft hair. "Makes you do all sorts of interesting things, my lord." The young man snorted at the comment, but smiled smugly at having just given his boyfriend the best blowjob of his life.

* * *

Clinking china cups against white and blue patterned saucers rang softly through the air as low whispers and murmured conversations mingled quietly with the dimly lit atmosphere of Lady Mendl's Tea House. It was a cold and freshly snowed Saturday afternoon, two weeks after Sebastian and Ciel's impromptu side alley adventure and the young student still blushed whenever his thoughts traveled back to that amorous night.

"Ciel, are you warm?" Lizzie asked, snapping Ciel out of his thoughts.

Looking across the small table at his cousin, "No, I'm fine, why?"

"Your cheeks are flushed." She pointed out, taking a sip of her tea.

Ciel chuckled, they had finally made it to their monthly high tea and were enjoying the dainty cucumber sandwiches with raspberry scones paired with a pot of Lady Grey tea. Their conversation had been light at first, each busy sampling varieties of white and black teas and noshing on light fare while basking in the warmth of the crackling fireplace as the city streets were lined in fine white powder.

"My mom and dad are coming to your winter house for Thanksgiving, is your aunt coming?" Lizzie asked, taking another sip. Ciel nodded, reaching for another scone and a small saucer filled with strawberry preserves.

"Yes, she took some time off from the hospital. Seems like she's been stressed lately. I hope, well I really hope she isn't drinking again." His brows furrowed with worry.

"Ciel, you really don't think she'd go back to that, do you?" Lizzie gasped.

"I don't know, Lizzie. I'm convinced that people are capable of anything." He shrugged.

Green eyes shone brightly. "Well, I overheard my mom gossiping with her best friend about your aunt having a crush on some doctor in another ward. But I couldn't make out which section he worked in." A sly smile crossed her face. "She may bring him for Thanksgiving dinner!"

Ciel scoffed. "No way! My Aunt Ann having a crush? My aunt doesn't have crushes, she sees a man, she confiscates his life, murders his heart and escapes unpunished. The woman is a relationship serial killer."

"You make it sound like she's a criminal, Ciel!" Lizzie shook her head disapprovingly. "Just because she doesn't easily commit to men-"

"She should be committed." Ciel bit into another scone. "Like, immediately."

"Ciel!" Lizzie chided.

"Please, it's more than that." He brushed crumbs from his shirt and peered out the window, shivering at the thought of winter coming early. "The last time my mom spoke to her she bragged about how she was going to tear some guy she met at the hospital inside out."

"Maybe she meant in bed, Ciel." She winked.

Ciel threw up his hands. "Ok, time to change the subject!"

Lizzie chuckled, her lively smile showing her amusement. "There's an exhibit of The Guggenheim Museum I'd like to go to with you. It's fashion from the Victorian Era."

Blue eyes lit with sudden interest. "Really?"

"Yes, it's a study in the attire of the various social classes." She elaborated.

Ciel smiled, now this was a subject worth discussing. "When do you want to go?"

"After Thanksgiving weekend." Lizzie chewed her sandwich thoughtfully. "We can go before your birthday."

"Sounds good." Ciel glanced out the window again and rolled his eyes, it had started to snow again.

Lizzie hummed. "You know that during those times, noblemen were often betrothed to their cousins." She reached over and tapped the tip if his nose with her pointer finger. "You and I would have made a beautiful couple."

Ciel smirked. "Except that's gross and I'm gay and you are impossible to deal with on a daily basis."

"I am not!" She squeaked with indignation. "And you're right, that is gross and you are gay, but you can't deny the fact that we are a good looking couple."

"Yes, we are." He conceded.

"I'm the prettier one in this relationship." She sniffed, twirling one of her golden curls with her thin fingers.

"If you were a man that would automatically make you the bottom." Ciel pointed out, clearly enjoying himself.

Lizzie looked aghast. "Excuse me?!"

"I kid." Ciel patted her small hand and gave it a firm squeeze. "You're too prissy to get it up there anyway."

Now it was Lizzie's turn to blush. "Is this Sebastian's dirty influence on you?" She quirked her eyebrow at Ciel and tsked. "I swear you are becoming vile!"

"Maybe I'm learning to have a little fun with adult humor, hm?" The NYU student shrugged. "I need to stop being so damned shy about natural things like . . . sex"

"Oh my, is my little cousin thinking about having sexual relations?" She grinned and leaned closer, cupping her face in her hands as she rested her elbows on the table. "Did he mention it to you?"

"Mention what?" Ciel blinked.

Lizzie huffed. "Sex, you moron."

"No, not really, but . . .I've been thinking about it . . .a lot." He admitted.

"Ciel," she ventured slowly, "do you want just sex . . . or do you want love?"

As blatant as the question was, Ciel had spent the last two weeks wondering the same exact thing. What did he really want from Sebastian? The young man had refrained from anything more than kissing and hugging after their Halloween night escapades, not out of regret, but out of the need to discover where he wanted to go with his new relationship. And where he stood in Sebastian's life.

For two weeks they met for dinner, had caught a movie, and talked for hours. He was sure there was something incredible in the works and that this chance meeting with the painfully beautiful and talented Englishman was exactly as he had put it.

Simply meant to be.

"I want to be normal, Lizzie, that's all." He sighed, looking out at the curtain of snow enveloping the city. "I want to be ok with wanting normal things like a relationship, a lover, a long life-"

"Why would you mention a long life?" Lizzie interrupted, a look of alarm flitting across her eyes. "That's obviously in the cards, Ciel."

"Yes, I know." Ciel said hurriedly. "I guess it's a force of habit to think of those . . . issues."

"I know, but you haven't answered my question." She pointed out. "Sex or love?"

"I, I don't know, Lizzie." He responded tiredly. "I don't know, can I just have both?"

Lizzie nodded. "Yes, you definitely can. Just don't be scared when it comes time to talk about it with Sebastian."

Ciel chuckled. "He makes it impossible not to be skittish around him, he's just so . . ."

"Drop dead gorgeous?" Lizzie breathed out, closing her eyes to visualize the dancer. "Sexy? English? Worldly?"

"You sound like you're gay for him." Ciel tilted his head. "Should I be jealous?" He joked.

"No worries, sweetheart." She pursed her lips. "I'm only gay for you."

"You're so odd, Lizzie." He grinned.

"Can I tell you a secret?" She whispered, green eyes gleaming.

Ciel felt an anxious lump form in his throat, but he swallowed it quickly. "You can tell me anything."

The young woman smoothed the front of her expensive turquoise silk dress and bit her bottom lip. "I've accepted an internship through the Royal College of Art in London. I've been asked to work under Christopher Bailey at Burberry."

Ciel blinked. "Are you kidding me?" His mind raced to process the incredible news. "That's . . . that's unbelievable! That's amazing!" He gushed, grabbing her hands and bolting from his seat to pull her into a tight hug. "Holy . . .Lizzie! I'm so proud of you! When do you leave?"

Lizzie beamed and clung to her beloved cousin. "After the New Year. January 5th to be exact."

"How long is the internship?" Ciel released her so they could both sit down again.

"About three months, but if I show promise I can stay to work for the summer collection." Lizzie glowed with happiness and Ciel couldn't help but feel his heart swell with joy. "I'm almost speechless, do your parents know?"

"Yes, mom and dad are over the moon. They've been after me to accept an internship for so long and now I can finally put them at ease and get them off my back! But I'm so happy, so so happy! It's like a dream, Ciel." She sighed.

A shift in his heart's memory instantly muffled the smile on his face. She had never gone on an internship because she would not leave him to suffer alone. Guilt washed over him as felt the need to apologize. "I know I've kept you back, Lizzie. I'm sorry-"

"No!" Lizzie scolded. "Don't you even dare. Every decision I made was my own with no regret whatsoever. I love you and I wasn't about to leave you when you needed me most. But that's all in the past, we can move on. We can live and make plans and celebrate every opportunity that presents itself!"

A darkness settled within Ciel. After the New Year, he thought miserably, I'm going to have to wait until she leaves to tell everyone and then start treatment. He gazed at his cousin's peaches and cream face, beauty and love all wrapped up in life and a promising future. She had done so much, sacrificed so much for him.

Forcing a reassuring smile. "You're going to do amazing things, Lizzie. I just know it."


	19. Chapter 19

_**Greetings My Beloved Candy Skullzzzz!** _

_**What's this? What's this?** _

_**An early update?** _

_**Yesh!** _

_**Read, enjoy, review, thank you!** _

_**AnimeCujo, my sweet Bitter Rabbit, thank you :)** _

* * *

November had decided to begin its month's reign with an onslaught of heavy snow and bitter cold. New York City streets were carpeted for over two weeks now in the thick white coating and grey slush; most days freezing rain would whip against the buildings and turn the concrete sidewalks into treacherous ice rinks, thus making life miserable for most pedestrians.

The Monday following his high tea with Lizzie, Ciel found it difficult to settle his conscience about his cousin's internship. Knowing the design student very well, if she left for London and then found out about his illness, she was sure to abandon her first prime step towards her life's dream and come rushing back to New York for his sake.

No, he thought, that cannot happen. So he mulled over the situation, pondering the few options he had left. Three month internship, he told himself, perhaps I could wait three, actually, four more months for treatment. But that thought quickly vanished as flashbacks of his fainting episodes, the bruising, and intense headaches were now coming to light.

The slate haired man yawned, watching with slight interest as a few flurries wafted through the air and stuck to the bedroom window of his apartment. It was a quiet morning and he had found himself free and clear of any appointments or classes. Stretching his thin legs across the plush duvet on his bed, he sighed happily as a strong arm looped around his waist and gently embraced him from behind.

"Kiss me." A velvety voice whispered into his ear.

Ciel closed his eyes and smiled, relishing the warm breath fanning over the back of his neck while light kisses trailed along the shell of his ear. He turned around to face Sebastian, encased in the older man's arms; he brushed his nose against the man's cheek to inhale the addictive scent. They lay on their sides relaxing on top of soft blankets and fluffy pillows, dressed only in t-shirts and boxers as their bare legs intertwined to rub sensually against one another.

What had begun as Sebastian dropping by for coffee an hour ago had escalated into the two men kissing lazily and, as the dancer had so eloquently phrased, 'rutting like two mad dogs'. The remark earned him a smack behind his head from a red faced Ciel.

So the lovers had found their way to the bed; touching, exploring, searching for release, panting from passionate kisses and crying each other's names in ecstasy. Sebastian had taken care not to go too far with his boyfriend, understanding that it was still too early in their relationship and Ciel was still pretty new to, well, everything. Having kicked off their jeans, they had tumbled onto Ciel's bed, frantically tasting and suckling whatever patch of skin they could latch on to. The sounds of their groans and grunted names echoed throughout the apartment and Ciel briefly wondered if his neighbors could hear what they were doing.

Oh, to hell with it, he thought, his mind numb with hazy lust and body thrumming with pleasure from the sensuous touches of Sebastian. In turn, the older male was stricken mute watching Ciel's pretty face react to every stimulation he received. Sebastian felt his pride (as well as other parts of his anatomy) swell whenever Ciel bit his lip, squeezed his eyes shut, or dropped his mouth open to gasp and emit a wanton moan.

"Only if you kiss me back." Ciel purred, lidding his eyes as the feeling of Sebastian slowly stroking his back brought shivers down his spine.

"With pleasure." Warm lips pressed against Ciel's plump mouth while Sebastian's tongue beckoned entrance into the warm cavern, seeking a deeper connection.

"Seb-Sebastian." Ciel breathed, breaking contact with his tall lover. "I need to tell you something." Deep cerulean eyes fluttered open and gazed deeply into concerned ruby red orbs.

"Is something wrong, love?" Sebastian cupped Ciel's cheek with one hand, rubbing his thumb gently against the pale cheek.

"I-I'm," Ciel began, nervously tightening his arms around Sebastian's mid-section, "I mean . . . I have . . ." The world stood still and silent as Ciel wrestled with his emotions, the nagging voice begging him to reveal, to admit, to speak the truth.

Sebastian pulled Ciel closer to his chest, pressing a reassuring kiss against the slate haired crown of the boy he adored. What could he possibly fear telling me? He thought worriedly looking down at the nervous blue eyes.

"I'm . . ." Ciel swallowed audibly, his gaze never wavering from the intense stare of Sebastian's eyes. "I'm leaving for a couple of days!" He blurted out.

Coward. He berated inwardly.

A look of relief washed over Sebastian's face. "Is that all, my pet?" He chuckled, tucking a few strands of bluish hair behind Ciel's ear. He loved scratching behind the boy's ear and watching his face scrunch up cutely. Like a kitten, he mused.

"Well, yea, I mean I'm going away for Thanksgiving weekend to spend with it my family upstate." Ciel stroked the swell of his lover's cheek, marveling at its smooth coolness. "I'll leave Wednesday afternoon. At most I'll be away four days or so."

"You'll be away for four days?" Sebastian quirked an eyebrow at Ciel, crimson eyes suddenly dark. "Do you mind if I drive up Saturday to see you?"

Ciel looked away and shook his head. "No," he replied quietly. "I don't think my family is ready to meet you yet."

"I see." Sebastian hummed. "Do they know about me?" Placing a gentle kiss against Ciel's cheek, "About us?" he added huskily.

Ciel felt his heart tighten, the true reason he didn't want Sebastian to meet his family was another truth he had burdened himself with hiding. "Yes, they know." He whispered, the feeling of Sebastian's fingers tracing every dip and curve on his back was hypnotic. "They know I'm seeing you and I promise that you'll meet them soon."

A gasp escaped from the college student's lips when he felt a large hand cup his erection, rubbing the cloth slowly, willing the hot member to harden with each stroke. "You are mine" Sebastian growled into his ear, drawing him flush against his chest, quickening his ministrations on Ciel's cock. "They are going to have to accept me sooner or later, I'm not leaving you." Ciel's eyes grew wide, his breathing becoming erratic pants as he felt the familiar release build. "Ever."

Ciel closed his eyes, moaning lowly against Sebastian's slightly parted lips. "Promise me." Ciel breathed, a prickling feeling began to burn behind his eyes. Too afraid to look at the dancer, Ciel buried his face into the firm chest and rocked his groin into Sebastian's hand. "Please say it." He choked out, clenching his teeth to keep his emotions under control.

Sensing the change in mood, Sebastian drew his hand away from Ciel's aching need and laced his fingers through the silken hair of the young man. "I promise, I swear." He whispered softly into Ciel's ear, cupping the back his head. "I'm not leaving unless you want me to." He hugged the young man tighter and felt a stirring in his heart so strange and yet so familiar that he shook slightly from the foreign feeling.

"Wait here." Ciel gave Sebastian a quick peck on his cheek and slid off the bed. Padding towards his wardrobe closet, he opened the dark wood door and retrieved an object from the pocket of his wool coat. Sebastian watched with interest, lying on his side, head propped up on his elbow and smiling while watching Ciel walk back to the bed.

"Do you realize how splendid you look right now?" He purred, grabbing Ciel's arm as soon as he was near and pulling the young man to rest on top of him.

Ciel laughed, his body pressed comfortably against Sebastian's sleek form. "You're pretty nice to look at too." He grinned, lifting himself up to straddle Sebastian's hips.

"Give me your hand." Ciel ordered, presenting his own as an example.

"A hand?" Sebastian smirked. "Or a hand job?" He teased, winking.

"For once, put all dirty thoughts in the back recesses of your degenerate brain and give me your hand!" The young man snapped playfully. Red eyes burned bright with mirth as he did as he was told and Ciel took a deep breath before depositing the item into Sebastian's open palm.

Sebastian felt the heavy cool metal sink into his hand. Looking down at the heavy circular object, the dancer's jaw dropped, his breath hitching in his throat.

It was Ciel's pocket watch. Sebastian was at a loss for words, he carefully fingered the silver watch and chain, feeling so much more than the physical presence of the timepiece in his hand. He looked at Ciel and attempted to speak, but words seemed so menial, so weak when the moment called something far heavier than he could have ever imagined.

"When we met, you saved me in the nick of time." Ciel's voice was low and hesitant, there was so much to say and he knew it was now or never. "And when I think of that time, I see you holding my watch." A small smile crept along his face, "in just two months I've felt more, done more, experienced more happy times than not and it's all because of you." Sebastian reached up and stroked Ciel's cheek. "We never know how much time we have, right?" Ciel continued, leaning his face into his boyfriend's comforting touch. "But I do know that wherever I am, wherever you are, we are still together somehow and time spent with you is the most precious time I have." He pressed a slow kiss against the back of Sebastian's hand.

"So . . . take this to remind you," he pushed the watch further into his lover's hand, "that timing is everything, just like you are to me." The last line was almost a whisper as a hot scarlet blush erupted on Ciel's face.

Sebastian pushed himself to a sitting position, looping his arm around Ciel's waist while allowing the young man to wrap his legs around his midsection. Holding the watch to his chest, he caught Ciel's lips in an amorous kiss, putting as much adoration as he could into that single action.

"Thank you" he spoke gently against the reddened lips of the young student "I will cherish this" a kiss on his forehead "as I cherish you my little lord," a kiss on his cheek "master of my heart" a kiss on his chin "and keeper of my time." As if to finalize a deal, he sealed their lips together, pressing their bodies against one another with the watch clutched securely in his large hand. The timepiece held so delicately as if he were holding his blue eyed boy's heart.

* * *

A winter storm advisory had been forecasted the day before, sending Ciel into a panic over driving the four hours to his winter vacation home in Saratoga Springs, NY. Sebastian had begged him to wait until the advisory had either lifted or the storm had come through and finished. Thankfully, the alert was more precautionary and they had received only a dusting of snow, relieving the Englishman.

"Ring me up when you arrive." Sebastian had whispered onto his lips before sending him off with a deep kiss and a hug.

The guilt of not bringing his boyfriend to his family's holiday dinner weighed heavily on the Ciel's conscience. Truthfully, he would have loved to have shown him off, giving his family the opportunity of meeting the man who was bringing light and happiness into his life, but he would not chance them mentioning his past illness to Sebastian. Ciel felt his heart sink further into the hole he was metaphorically digging for himself.

Gripping the steering wheel, he drove through the winding countryside, listening to a compilation of classical works by The London Symphony Orchestra. A pained smile spread across his face as he thought of Sebastian. One night, about a week prior, the stealthy dancer had snatched Ciel's iPod and downloaded a music list while Ciel showered. Sebastian had grumbled to himself about not being allowed to join Ciel, but he was staying the night in the same bed as his blue eyed prize so he tried not to voice his discontent too much. The lines had been clearly drawn, no sex and no outright nudity. Sebastian had chuckled at the last request, but nodded his agreement before grabbing his young boyfriend and squeezing his ass.

After being scolded for molesting him, Ciel had huffed his way into the bathroom and locked the door, leaving Sebastian lying on his bed in his t-shirt and sweatpants. Finding the apartment too quiet, he plugged Ciel's iPod into a speaker dock, searched for "Requiem for a Dream"and hit play. A lonely and simple piano solo was followed by the deep voice of a cello; eventually connecting with frantic yet melodic violins. The neo-classical composition echoed throughout the bedroom, a pleadingly dark symphony of minimal harmonies evoking a strong urge to feel something, anything, whatever one could feel.

Ciel had walked in on Sebastian sitting cross legged on the bed, eyes closed, lips slightly parted, swaying slightly to the music as the crescendo of achingly beautiful violins coupled with the ever constant baritone cello hummed in the background.

The sight left him speechless.

He had never seen Sebastian so at peace, enraptured by the music. Listening to the symphony, Ciel felt a terrible grief overwhelm him.

I can't tell him, he thought, swallowing tears before they could escape, I can't.

* * *

"Dude, your dad and his mad connections! Look! Assassins Creed 4!" Ciel snapped his head in the direction of the exclamation as he walked into the foyer.

After leaving Tanaka, his father's faithful steward, with his car, Ciel had entered the sprawling colonial styled mansion of The Phantomhive Winter Estate. Rolling his small luggage through the marble floored grand foyer, he was immediately tackled by his older cousin, Edward Midford.

At 25 years old, Edward was already planning on marrying his college girlfriend, Paula, who just happened to be Lizzie's closest girlfriend, yet the young man still insisted on gaming and swore that even if he had ten babies and five mortgages he would still find time to kick Ciel's ass on their Xbox Live. The two cousins enjoyed their rivalry over Lizzie's attention and video games; however, they had always remained close.

Ciel hugged his golden haired cousin and looked at the package in his hand.

"Seriously?!" The excitement evident in his voice. "But it's not supposed to be released to the general public for another four months!"

"I know! But your dad pulled some strings and here we are!" Edward waved the game in his face, jabbing Ciel in the shoulder with his finger. "After you get your shit together meet me in the game room."

Ciel winced at the poking, wondering if in his state a bruise would form there. "Yeah, where're your parents?" Blue eyes searched for the rest of the Midford clan as they headed up the carpeted staircase.

Edward huffed. "Upstairs with Lizzie and Paula, busy planning our marriage." He rolled his eyes. "Your aunt's coming right?"

Ciel groaned. "I believe so, with some guy I think."

Green eyes widened. "Nice! We get to witness another drive by!" He smirked.

"Don't start." Ciel retorted, frowning at his cousin. "It's bad enough he works in the same hospital."

Reaching Ciel's room, Edward checked his cellphone and noted the time. It was late and darkness was beginning to settle. A sudden realization hit him as soon as he plopped down on Ciel's bed. "Where's your boy, Alois? Is the bromance over?"

Ciel unzipped his suitcase and glanced over quickly. "Wha-what?"

Edward chuckled. "Relax, I know you love each other in a heterosexual way." A wide smile glossed his handsome face.

Ciel snorted. "You are a retard." Tossing open his bag, he began unpacking his shirts and pants for the next couple of days. "He's spending the weekend at the Trancy Estate with his family." Pausing to reflect upon his contents, he grabbed a black bag of toiletries and headed to his private bathroom.

"No serious, what's up?" Edward rolled onto his back and propped himself up on his elbows, eyebrows furrowed. "He spent the last two Thanksgivings with us and I know for a fact he hates his family so why isn't he here?"

Every bathroom had been stocked with all necessities such as shampoo, conditioner, body wash, razors etc., but Ciel had brought along a small "medicine bag" of sorts. Dr. Spears had given him numerous bottles of prescription pain meds, blood clotting sprays, vitamins and a high dose of iron to try and hold his body over until after the New Year. Ciel sighed as he shoveled the bag to the back of one of the vanity drawers and turned to answer his cousin.

"He wanted them to meet his new," Ciel stood at the doorway blushing furiously, "boyfriend."

Green eyes widened to comic proportions; his mouth dropping open Edward released a loud and boisterous laugh.

"Shut the fuck up!" He cried, his body shaking from laughter. "His stepdad must be pissed!"

"Language! How many times have I told you boys to watch the language in this house?" A deep voice cut through the merriment.

Both males shot their heads towards the bedroom door at the gentle, yet admonishing tone that belonged to Vincent Phantomhive. Ciel briefly glared at Edward, walking towards his father to give him a handshake hello and an apologetic smile. "Hey Dad, sorry about that."

"Uncle Vin, did Ciel tell you about Alois?" Edward bounded off the bed and sauntered over to his uncle. "He's got a freaking boyfriend!"

Vincent scoffed at the tall young man. "Please Edward, are you truly surprised?" Ciel shot a look at his father, confusion flitting across his face.

Where was this coming from? He wondered angrily.

Edward shrugged, "I just thought he was like delicate or something." He commented nonchalantly.

"Eddie, quit it!" Ciel spat. "He's my best friend and a good person, does it really make a fucking difference?"

Vincent bristled. "I said. Watch. Your. Language. In. This. House." He spoke each punctuated word through gritted teeth, eyes flashing with a sudden rage. Edward and Ciel blinked, both feeling shock coursing through their bodies. When had the moment turned so cold and tense?

Edward finally cleared his throat and walked past Vincent and Ciel. "I'll see you downstairs Ciel. Thanks again for the game Uncle Vin."

Ciel watched his cousin leave, his heart thudded painfully against his chest as he eyed his father. He hadn't spoken, nor seen him, since he "outed" himself at a family dinner weeks ago and the level of anxiety over facing the inevitable conversation with Vincent was close to driving him mad.

"Dad?" He ventured carefully, unwilling to incite more rage filled outbursts from the older gentleman. "I-"

"Unpack, clean up, and change out of those clothes." Vincent commanded in a clipped tone. "Dinner will be served in an hour." With a final glance at his son, Vincent turned and walked out of the room leaving a shaken and defeated Ciel in his wake.

* * *

'Leaving now to bare my throat to Alois's brood, wish me luck.' Sebastian read as he stared at the text Claude had sent him ten minutes ago.

He marveled at the fact that Alois had talked the golden eyed man into accompanying him to spend Thanksgiving with his family. Claude wasn't much for family get-togethers and Alois didn't seem to think much of his own clan, but Claude had acquiesced to the young man's requests and was traveling upstate to spend two nights with the Trancy family.

Standing in the middle of the dance studio on the first floor Sebastian watched the winter skies open up again and pour more snow onto the already frigid city. 'At the first mention of defaming our queen make sure to leave with a scene.' He tapped back his reply, snickering at the thought of Claude throwing a tantrum in the middle of an eloquent Thanksgiving dinner.

He let out a deep sigh and walked over to the side of the room where a dust mop was leaning against a mirrored wall. The dancer began the task of dusting the floor while humming a tune and mentally mapping out his schedule for the next four days.

Four days.

He had received a brief text from Ciel when the young man had reached his family's home, but other than that, it been hours ago and no phone call, no more texts. A small sliver of dread began to creep into his chest. Shaking his head, Sebastian fished out the pocket watch Ciel had given him just two days ago and squeezed the cold silver timepiece.

"Time." He murmured, gripping the watch once again before he tucked it back into his pocket. He knew it would be some time before Ciel's family would accept him and it would also be some time before he would be able to make love to his blue eyed boy.

Make love.

Sebastian froze at the words resonating in his head. "Make love." He mused out loud, feeling that familiar, yet foreign feeling nestling in his heart. He smirked, yes, he would wait patiently for the elusive butterfly.

Time was of no concern to him because he wasn't going anywhere unless Ciel was by his side. Resuming his cleaning, he briskly finished up the studio floor and began preparations for tonight's classes.

* * *

"Alois, I'm going to say this one more time." The sound of a hand being smacked and a short yelp soon followed. "Please remove your hand from my crotch before you cause an accident." Claude shot a stern look at Alois who now sat with arms crossed and a look of indignation on his face.

"Killjoy." He muttered, shooting Claude a glare. "It's a long drive, can't we have a little fun?"

"A little fun?" Claude arched an eyebrow, eyes never leaving the road. "I suppose 'fun' would equate to becoming a permanent part of the road?"

Alois sighed, he knew he wasn't going to get anywhere with his boyfriend. He smirked silently at the term "boyfriend", wondering how in the world he was worked over to accept that title. Thinking back to the night about a week ago, when Claude had given him an ultimatum and he blushed at the memory.

They had just come back to Alois's apartment from dinner and were lounging on the couch in the dimly lit room; idle banter passing the time. The young man's cell phone had buzzed, indicating a text had come through. Claude was not pleased when Alois checked his phone, giggling before pocketing the device without further explanation.

"Who was that?" Claude asked tightly, narrowing his eyes.

"No one." He chirped, leaning towards Claude. "Now where were we?" He purred seductively.

Claude grunted and pushed himself away, a hint of irritation in his voice as he spoke. "I will not be played the fool, Alois. If you are seeing other people tell me now."

A look of shock swept over the blonde's face, his gaping mouth open as he attempted to respond. "W-wait . . .what?" He stammered. "I'm not seeing other people!"

"Then who just texted you?" Claude demanded, golden eyes stern behind crystal glasses.

Alois shook his head. "That was Ciel telling me that he was having Sebastian over and not to call or drop by unannounced!" He felt a wave of annoyance crash over him. "And what business is it of yours what I do?" He snarled. Claude fell silent, contemplating his situation and the outcome he wanted.

"I want you to be mine." He stated simply. "Mine alone. I won't share you."

At first he thought he had heard the man wrong, but after some cajoling, promising, and arguing, both had agreed that they would take the next step and be exclusive to one another.

Claude checked his GPS map screen and noted that they were on schedule. He hummed contentedly when Alois began to innocently massage the inside of his thigh, kneading the firm flesh with nimble fingers and silently looking out the window at the passing scenery.

The Englishman hummed as he thought about staring into those ice blue eyes, watching them darken as lust overtook those shining orbs. He felt a connection with the blonde young man, knowing full well of Alois's tumultuous relationship with his family and recalling his own ruined childhood due to a dysfunctional family upbringing.

All Claude ever had was Sebastian and the rest of the crazy Michaelis brood, but now he had Alois and the young man knew what losing your beloved family felt like. Alois understood the wretched feeling of having zero control over your own life, since the young man had been brutally orphaned before being adopted by a wealthy family full of troubled people; hoping that by taking in 'poor Alois' that their marred social images would be rectified.

Unfortunately, living with the overindulged and spoiled Trancy family did nothing to soothe the grief of losing his beloved family. So instead of living with a pretentious and ego centric group of individuals, Alois had trudged on and fled the scene to the city once he graduated high school.

Claude had been told the story, feeling a kinship forming between them. The tall male shuddered while recalling the memory of his young lover, his heart beating painfully as he choked out the reason why Sebastian's family had taken him in. He had suffered a similar early life with parents who drank themselves into blind and violent rages, leading to the death of his younger sister when his own father had choked nine year old Hannah to death in her bed. Thankfully, his mother was now a recovering alcoholic currently mending her previously shattered relationship with her son.

Alois had stared wide eyed as he watched tears trail down Claude's face, yet he noted how his expression never changed, never wavered. It was as if he had created an armor of stone.

"Only you." Claude had whispered to him that night. "No one in this entire bloody continent, but Sebastian knows, except you. I never told another soul."

Yes, he trusted his little imp and he knew that Alois trusted and understood him which was why he in turn was deeply troubled. Claude had yet to understand why this intelligent, wild, beautiful, sexy and talented NYU student outright refused to have sex with the lights on. Thinking back to every full blown sexual romp they had ever shared, Claude had realized that he had never seen Alois completely naked, had never had the lights on when the "main event" occurred.

Peering out of the corner of his eye, Claude carefully threaded his fingers through Alois's and squeezed then lightly; turning his head towards his boyfriend, the blonde gave him a questioning look.

"Allie." He said softly, eyes still trained on the road. "Why won't you let me see you completely naked?" All color drained from the younger male's face, the look of discomfort all too evident in his eyes.

Clearing his throat, Alois looked away. "Does it matter?" He murmured.

"Yes, it does because I think you're hiding something and I know for sure you are a lad so whatever other secret you have, it certainly will not change how I feel about you." Claude smiled, tugging the petite hand. "Unless you have some ridiculous tattoo that you're too ashamed to show me." He teased.

"I wish it was that easy." Alois sighed, rubbing his face with his free hand.

They drove on in silence for another half hour, stopping once for gas and a bottle of water at a local rest stop. Once they were on the road again, the silence resumed creating an anxious aura to hang over both men. Nervously chewing his lips, Alois took in the sight of his boyfriend, tall, strong and willing to accept his troubled past. Even agreeing to spend two obligatory days with his crazy family had cemented the Englishman in his heart.

"I'll show you tomorrows night." He whispered, lacing his fingers through Claude's black silken hair. "The lights will be on."

Slowing the car down, Claude maneuvered the vehicle into the safe side of the road. Once it stopped he threw it into park, unbuckled his seatbelt, as well as Alois's and embraced his pretty boyfriend. Enveloped in warmth and comfort, Alois allowed his own tears to come.

 


	20. Chapter 20

_**Happy Birthday Anime Cujo.** _

_**You've inspired me, supported my ideas, entertained my nonsense, and shared your secrets with this strange piece of work known as "me" lol** _

_**This one's for you my bitter rabbit oxox** _

_**Show some love!** _

_**Read, Enjoy, Review!** _

_**Many thanks my wonderful Candy Skullzzzz**_!

* * *

"I receive the gifts of God with a grateful spirit. St. Jude, help me to see the blessings that surround me and give me life. I offer you my prayer of thanksgiving. Give me the grace to be ever thankful for the love and mercy of God and the gift of life each day. May this gratitude inspire me to give generously without heeding the cost. Be with me now, St. Jude. Linger with me in gratitude, and let thanks fill my heart, washing away all pain and trouble. May I desire nothing except to be in your presence, walking with you in the world to spread hope, love and thanksgiving among all of God's children. Amen"

Rachel Phantomhive nodded to her entire family to repeat her words, having provided each member with a copy of the prayer. It was a tradition she began the first year Ciel had fallen ill, when he was a patient at St. Jude's children's hospital. The young mother had discovered that Saint Jude was the patron saint of lost and desperate causes, at the time watching, her ten year suffering and dying she herself had felt lost and desperate. Without Ciel she had nothing.

Now here he was, almost 21 years old, beautiful and thriving. Her little piece of heaven, she smiled, listening to the murmuring voices reciting a prayer of gratitude and praise. Her family was intact, resilient to the darkness of life and she would be damned if anything, or anyone, threatened to disturb that peace.

She shot her husband a look of disdain mixed with threat, well aware of the distance he had recently placed between himself and Ciel. That will not do she vowed, darting her eyes towards her beloved son.

"Lovely as always, Rachel." The serious yet loving tone of her sister-in-law, Francis Midford, pulled the blue eyed woman from staring at her child.

"Why thank you, Fran." She smiled charmingly. "Meyrin truly outdid herself with dinner and decor this year." All present hummed in approval at the sight of the long and elaborately decorated Thanksgiving table.

A shimmering soft gold linen table cloth was adorned with a large center piece cornucopia filled with dark fruits, and red and purple leaves, sap green and yellow gourds and bright orange mini pumpkins along with deep red roses served as smaller decorations down the center of the table. Wine red linen napkins encircled in deep gold holders were placed alongside matching gold chargers with fine white and bronze tipped china plates and bowls. The silverware shined brightly and the delicate clinking sound of Waterford crystal glasses sang lightly among the ensuing chatter.

Thanksgiving classics such as turkey roasted with butter and white wine, glazed ham, and cornbread stuffing were served by Meyrin and Tanaka. Side dishes, inspired by Southern roots included a savory cheese grits pudding, a quick-to-prepare version of hopping John (a stew of collard greens and black-eyed peas), and honey-glazed yams. The abundance of savory and delectable fare would soon be punctuated with a mouthwatering variety of seasonal fruits and sweet desserts with the prized pumpkin cream pie being the promised end of the holiday meal.

Vincent sat at the head of the table flanked by Rachel to his right and Ciel to his left. Next to Ciel, Lizzie sat grinning after sharing the news about her new internship. Her friend Paula took the news with a squeal, gushing about the shopping opportunities London held for her future sister-in-law. Lizzie's stunningly beautiful and yet austere mother, Francis was seated next to Rachel while her son, Edward sat to her left, throwing winks and mouthing 'I want yous' to his blushing fiancé across from him.

Alexis Midford, Vincent's brother-in-law, and quite possibly one of his few trusted friends, sat at the opposite head of the table. Both older gentlemen sipped their scotch, content to observe their families playful exchanges, intellectual conversations and teasing remarks. Two empty chairs facing each other still waited for their company to arrive.

"Your sister is usually never this late, Rachel." Alexis pointed out, taking a sip of his drink. "I hope she wasn't called to the hospital last minute."

"A woman of her career is often called away to fulfill her duties." Francis sternly interjected. "One must assume that certain responsibilities cannot be overlooked."

Rachel nodded. "My sister will be here soon. Her companion for this weekend had some last minute work to attend to."

"Her companion?" Vincent cocked an eyebrow. "Do you know the gentleman?"

Before Rachel could respond, their elderly steward Tanaka strolled in, a glossy black mink coat cradled over his arm. "Dr. Durless and guest have arrived." He bowed low with his unoccupied gloved hand over his heart and sprightly exited the room.

Ciel took a long sip from his wine glass, secretly hoping that his aunt's 'companion' for dinner was not another stuffy physician hell bent on impressing his family with numerous medical stories of heroism.

Oh, he would hop right in his car and drive the four hours back home if that be the case, he thought sourly. Cerulean eyes gazed up uninterested at the entrance of the dining area, only to be arrested by a sight he had least expected, the wine catching in the middle of his throat.

Dr. Spears.

"Forgive me for my tardiness!" Cried Angelina Durless, affectionately known as 'Aunt Ann' or to her social circle as 'Madame Red', a clever reference to her striking bright blood red hair and her penchant for red articles of clothing. "Traffic from the city was monstrous and of course I couldn't leave this handsome man behind!" She clung to his arm, smiling wildly, her eyes shining excitedly.

"Dr. Spears!" The joyous cries resounded throughout the room as family members vacated their seats to kiss Ann hello and throw their arms around Spears. In the eyes and hearts of the Phantomhive and Midford clan, this man was nothing short of a miracle worker/hero; he had pulled their beloved Ciel from the depths of hell and saved him from almost certain death.

Graciously receiving handshakes, hugs, kisses and warm smiles, the doctor blushed and lowered his eyes as he murmured his thanks and appreciation for being invited. It was only then that Spears realized one person was missing from the welcome wagon.

Ciel.

"Ciel!" Exclaimed Rachel, her eyes furrowed. "Where are your manners? Come say hello!"

Ciel blinked, shaking his head to clear the shock of seeing his doctor at his family's winter home. "I-I'm sorry, I'm just surprised to see you here." He rose from his chair and hurriedly approached the young doctor with his hand held out. "Welcome to our home, it's good to see you." He smiled sheepishly.

Spears held his breath as his hand wrapped around the thin fingers of his secret love. "Thank you, Ciel. I'm very happy to be here." He smiled warmly, pleased to see that Ciel appeared well rested. Stealthy green eyes brushed over the lithe physique of his patient, noting a slight weight loss and wincing mildly at a small bruise present on Ciel's wrist bone.

Still holding the young man's hand, Spears released his hold and quickly pulled Ciel's sweater sleeve over the contusion. Blue eyes met his and an understanding of sorts passed quietly between them, Spears would protect his secret no matter what the situation no matter where they were.

"Please! Everyone take your seats before the food gets cold!" Rachel led her sister and the doctor to their seats and once everyone was settled, the conversations picked up where they left off. Ann promptly filled her crystal glass to the rim with merlot and proceeded to drink with gusto.

Spears politely refused wine and opted for ice water.

Ciel felt a crushing anxiety building in the hollows if his chest, this was an unexpected turn of events. First he had to deal with his father's self-imposed distance and now he was in the company of his oncologist, the only person at the table who knew his cancer had resurfaced. With a nervous twitch of his eye, Ciel glanced over at Spears and locked eyes with him. A thin eyebrow arched as Spears returned his look with a reassuring nod; he was not here to cause Ciel discomfort. A sudden thought emerged in Ciel's mind, was the doctor truly interested in his fastidious aunt, or were there ulterior motives?

"How is Alois these days, Ciel?" Paula inquired, she had a fondness for the blonde firecracker who begged her to make him a bridesmaid when Edward had announced their engagement last year; Ciel had wanted to crumple into a heap of embarrassment at the scene. "I haven't seen him since the summer and I was so looking forward to catching up with him!" A childish pout formed on her pretty face.

"Uh, he's spending it at the Trancy Manor." Ciel muttered, picking nervously at his food.

"Yeah, with his boyfriend!" Edward chimed, a gleeful look on his face as he watched his fiancé blush. "I never knew he swung that way!"

"Truly, Edward? How dense could you be?" Francis retorted, planting a fierce look of disapproval on her eldest child. "The young man never hid his preferences, you really should get away from those blasted video games, they seem to dull your common sense!"

"Now Fran, be fair to the boy." Alexis chided, waving his hand dismissively. "It's not as if he has any expertise in that area, am I right, boy?" He winked at his son.

"Is this really necessary?" Ciel cut in. "What difference does it make who Alois dates?" Rachel looked to her husband, almost recoiling at the disgusted look suddenly present on his face.

"I'm just saying I was surprised that's all!" Edward took a bite of his food "Paula, did you know?"

"Of course I did, silly." She laughed. "When Alois and I had lunch at the beach house last July he told me about some of the boys he was interested in."

Edward stared at his fiancé in disbelief. "How come I didn't know?"

"Too much Call of Duty." Ciel pointed out.

Ann smiled at her nephew. "What about you my handsome nephew? Any lucky ladies you may boast about?" Her eyes gleaming with delight "It's high time you started looking for a suitable young woman."

"I'm sure he has some good looking intellects interested in him." Alexis raised his scotch glass. "He is his father's son, eh?"

If I could just die right now, I would completely welcome it, Ciel thought miserably.

"How did your business trip to Singapore work out, Alexis?" Vincent's voice cut through the chatter like a heated sword, no emotion, no interest, just a blatant need to end that particular conversation.

"Vincent!" Hissed Rachel. "Don't be so rude!"

"What's wrong, brother?" Francis narrowed her eyes at her brother, this was unlike him to be so quiet and then so abrupt during their family dinner. She knew something was bothering him and she would be sure to get to the heart if the matter. Even if she had to rip said heart out with her bare hands.

"Nothing, Fran." He responded curtly. "I am merely taking interest in-"

"I have a boyfriend!" Ciel interrupted loudly.

A strangled hush swept through the elegant dining room as if a vacuum had sucked all sound from the air. Nine pairs of eyes shifted to rest on Ciel who at this point was frantically downing a large glass of wine.

"Ciel." Lizzie breathed, reaching to her side to grasp his hand and squeeze it gently. No one knew how to respond to such an announcement, especially coming from Ciel.

"Care to explain this outburst?" Francis broke the icy silence, staring down her nephew, seeking only truth from the young man. "This subject is no laughing matter."

"I-It's true, Aunt Francis." Ciel stammered, hating how exposed he felt at that moment. "I've been dating a professional dancer for over a month now." He held his chin up and looked into her eyes. "He's very good to me and I've never been happier."

"A professional dancer?" Cried Edward. "Like a stripper?!"

"EDWARD!" A shrill chorus of his cousin's name was enough to squash any more comments from him.

"He's not a stripper!" Ciel huffed. "He's a ballroom dancer, in fact his studio trains Broadway dancers and ballroom competitors!"

"Oh! Like Dancing With the Stars?" Cried Paula, clapping her hands with delight. "I love that show!"

"Where did you meet him?" Ann inquired, clearly unfazed with Ciels news, although the second glass of wine could have been a factor to her calm demeanor "I'm sure he must be handsome, Ciel is far too good looking to resort to anything beneath his beauty" she added with a sly wink. Ciel groaned, silently hoping someone would cut off his aunt's drinking for the night.

"Are you for real, Ciel?" Edward interjected, his face full of uncertainty. "I mean, you don't seem like it."

"Jesus, Eddie! Can you sound any more ignorant?" Exclaimed Lizzie, throwing up her arms. "Honestly Paula, how do you have the patience for my brother?"

"Rachel, did you know?" Francis eyed her sister in law who had been quiet throughout this entire 'outing'. Rachel sighed, sweeping the faces of her family members with her bright blue eyes until finally settling on her son.

"Yes, I knew." She replied evenly. "And I fully support him," pausing to look at her family once more, she clenched her jaw. "And anyone who does not is not welcome on our home and in our lives." The threat was clear, no one was to cross her Ciel, no one was to cross her.

Alexis and Vincent shared a silent look, both older men understanding the tormented feeling of Ciel's news. Although they both loved Ciel, this was not an easy pill to swallow.

During this entire ordeal, Dr. Spears watched with a detached facade. He had hoped to spend some time with Ciel during the holiday weekend, perhaps allow the young man to understand him on a more personal level. Being present for his announcement about his homosexuality and current relationship was not what he had in mind.

Spears coughed lightly into his hand, adjusting his glasses, and offered the table a small smile. "I believe. Ciel to be a lucky young man." Ciel shifted uncomfortably in his chair, everyone had their attention on the doctor so thankfully no one noticed the young man's trembling form.

Spears cast a reassuring look to Ciel and continued "How many young men fear the repercussions of being honest with their families about their sexual preferences? I am witnessing firsthand a family willing to openly embrace and support someone they love regardless of how they personally feel." He shook his head. "To think of the thousands of people who live their lives in a lie, hiding in the shadows of shame because they fear the reaction of their own flesh and blood!"

Ann beamed brightly, her lips curling into a wide smile. "You are so eloquent and open minded William!"

"He is a beautiful person." Rachel agreed.

"Dr. Spears is more like family, he's been with us for so long!" Lizzie pointed out, shyly glancing at Spears. "You're his . . . I mean . . .our hero."

Ciel felt his heart fill to capacity, a smirk resting on his face, raising his wine glass to Spears and nodding his head in approval.

My hero, he thought smugly.

"No." At the sound of Vincent's strangled voice, all occupants of the table turned and stared at the Phantomhive patriarch. A coldness seemed to emanate from the older man while he gripped the edge of the table with both hands. Teeth gritted, he pushed himself away from the table and rose abruptly from his chair.

"Vincent." Rachel warned, her voice edged in warning. "Don't do this."

Faces blanched as individuals attempted to change topic the awkward tone in the room. Lizzie motioned to her mother with pleading eyes to intervene. To her surprise her mother shook her head and directed her piercing eyes to her nephew.

This was his battle to fight, she had decided, his battle to win.

Lizzie redirected her frantic eyes to her Aunt Rachel and felt the room grow several degrees colder, the grimly set face of her delicately framed aunt spelt all sorts of trouble for Vincent. However, this did not deter the older man to deviate from his rant.

"This is not up for the world to hear! We will not discuss this, we will not herald the news, we will let this go, now!" His thick voice thundered throughout the room, crashing like lightning against each member of the family sending a jolt of pained embarrassment and shame for the words so brutally thrown into the air. Vincent took in a deep breath, arranged his tie since it had gone askew and swiftly left the dining room.

Ciel closed his eyes and shakily wiped the sweat from his face with his napkin, fighting the burning sting of tears ready to run freely at any moment.

"I'm sorry." He apologized in a soft trembling voice. "Please excuse me."

Before the first words of protest could be uttered, Ciel fled from his chair and ran from the room. There was something he had to do and it could wait no longer. Time was limited, and now so was his patience.

* * *

Vincent stared longingly at the simple silver plated frames aligning the mantle of the center fireplace of his private sitting room. He often would settle into the luxurious deep brown leather couch situated in front of the hearth, as he did now, drink in hand and book in the other.

Quiet, unencumbered moments were a rarity, the life of a hugely successful CEO was seldom calm. Yet the room, not far from his bedroom quarters, offered tranquility with its muted beige colored walls, rich mocha hued long curtains and amber crystal sconces. A warm honey glow, aided by the yellow orange flames of a crackling fireplace, put the overworked gentleman in an altered state of comfort and security.

It was his escape from the bombardment of reality and grief. Tonight, it would shield him from the overwhelming surge of fury he now felt towards his only son.

"Dad?" A quiet voice asked from behind. And as quickly as that shield was erected, it was shattered.

"Leave, Ciel." He bit out, never taking his eyes away from the dancing flames. Ciel shut the door carefully behind him and rested his back against it.

"Dad, please." He whispered, a childish impulse to run and hug his father's legs swept through his conscience.

"I said. Leave." Vincent ordered with more force.

Shaking his head in sorrow and disbelief, Ciel made his way towards a small black table near the fireplace. It was a show table of sorts and on it was a chessboard made purely from black and grey swirled marble. Each chess piece was made of marble as well, one set was grey, the other black.

"We haven't touched this game since last February when we all came up for winter carnival." Ciel murmured, his fingers lightly ghosting over the pieces. "I believe it was my turn." Vincent turned his head slowly to face his son, his eyes glazed over by the glass of scotch in his hand.

"Don't you think you've done enough?" The remark bit a hole deep and hurtful within Ciel. He had never heard such unkind things from his father, ever.

"What exactly have I done, dad?" Ciel turned to fully face his father, one hand resting on the table. His legs felt weak and trembled from the brewing panic slowly crawling up his chest. He steadied himself and refused to look away from his father's unwavering glance.

Vincent snorted. "Oh, I don't know. Perhaps telling the entire family that you're gay!" His voice rose until he had almost been yelling. Beads of sweat collected along his forehead, his face flushed deep crimson.

"I never said I was gay, I said I was dating a man." Ciel fiddled with his rook, his concentration shattered by his father's anger and suddenly the game had lost his interest.

"And where in that lies the difference?" Vincent took another sip from his glass, the expensive liquid burned going down his throat. "You're a man dating a man." He spat venomously. "Last I checked that was considered homosexual behavior," crossing his legs, he rested his cheek against his balled up fist and glared at his son. The conversation had taken a very ugly turn the minute those words were uttered.

Ciel bristled at Vincent's contemptuous tone. "For God's sake! I chose the person not the organ! Perhaps I am gay, no, wait, fine I am gay!" He stood and flung the chess piece onto the board, it immediately broke into several pieces, scattering shards of marble across the fine wood table. "Why should that be a problem? All I know is how I feel when I'm with Sebastian."

"So he has a name?" Vincent sneered. "And I was content to refer to him as the bastard who I wish didn't exist."

Blue eyes blazed with fury. "Well he DOES exist!" Ciel roared, stepping away from the table. "He's not a fucking imaginary friend, dad!"

Vincent slammed his fist onto the arm of his chair and sent his glass flying into the fire place shattering into a multitude of diamond like pieces. "Watch your language in this house!" He demanded loudly, pointing a menacing finger at his son.

Ciel snapped and lunged at his father, grabbing ahold of Vincent's sweater and yanking him up from his seat. He had never laid a hand against his father, never raised his voice, but he had been provoked into such a state of hostility that he barely registered what he was doing.

Speaking through gritted teeth, he pulled his father so close to his face that the smell of alcohol caused him to almost gag. "You know what? I've been watching everything in and outside this FUCKING house, dad! You're the one who has his FUCKING eyes closed to every FUCKING issue that goes on here! You run and hide like a FUCKING scared child every time mom needs or God forbid I FUCKING NEED YOU!"

Vincent grabbed Ciel's small hands and wrenched himself free from his son's vice like grip. He staggered a step back, glared at his only child and without a second thought, brought his open hand up and smashed it across his son's cheek. The sound of the slap echoed painfully through the amber lit room.

Silence.

Ciel's face was on fire. The slap was so sharp and unexpected that he was more shocked than hurt. His jaw hung open, eyes squeezed shut from the intense force of the impact. Ciel slowly turned his back towards his father, fixing a murderous glare of disgust and hate. These strange feelings of malice conjured wave after wave of nausea within Ciel; he wanted to vomit.

Vincent stared down at his reddened hand with a twisted look of horror and confusion marring his handsome face. His head lifted slowly up and he winced at the clear discoloration forming on his son's cheek. Regret lurching within him.

"Ciel." He whispered, holding out his hand. "I'm so-" Ciel angrily smacked Vincent's hand away, his eyes bright and glistening with tears he was trying so hard not to release. He swallowed hard, lifted his chin and held his pride like a shield against any further attacks. He would not be so vulnerable again.

"I can't believe you hit me." He replied bitterly. "You've never hit me, because in my entire life I've never given you one single reason to reprimand me. How dare you touch me." He spat out through gritted teeth. "How dare you continue to hurt me!" Vincent looked away. "Look at what you did." Ciel yelled. "Look at me!"

Vincent covered his face with shaking hands, a great sob heaved from his very being, his body shook as he spoke. "Ciel . . . I . . . I'm sorry, I-"

Ciel shook his head violently. "No! No you listen and you don't say anything!" He cried, tears falling freely. "For once you stay here and you look at me and you LISTEN TO ME!"

Ten years and now you decide to be a father, Ciel thought.

"I'm seeing a man I care deeply about and who feels the same for me." His chest heaved as he tried to control his erratic breathing. "You are going to accept this whether you want to or not! You are going to stay whenever I have something to say and you are going to fucking face anything that needs to be dealt with!" Reaching out, he clutched his father's arms and shook him furiously. "You will not run off and hide! You will not play make believe and pretend! And you will never ever lay another hand on me!"

Ten years of heartache, of emptiness so fathomless that he had found no words to proper express the loneliness of his father's absence in his life. His fingers slowly uncurled from his father's arms, the distinct sound of the rustling logs bending to the heat of the flames in the fire place reminded Ciel of dying things. It reminded him of malignant forces greedily eating away everything beautiful and healthy in his life.

"I'm . . . I'm also . . . " dizziness suddenly overtook the frail young man, he stumbled forward and almost fell into his father's arms. "I'm, oh God, Dad . . ." Fear gripped Vincent's heart, he had been so caught up with his own intolerance and denial that he hadn't noticed how pale and thin his son looked.

"Ciel, what's wrong?" He cupped Ciel's cheeks with both hands and held him firmly so he could look into his eyes. "There is something else, Ciel tell me."

Ten years. The sobs that tumbled forth were forceful and full of an anguish that knew no boundaries. Ciel's frame shook terribly, choked cries and tears mixing with words he could not clearly speak.

"It's n-n-nothing, it's j-j-just, you never wanted to know. You n-never wanted to know anything that h-had to do with me, ever!" Vincent's eyes softened, all animosity instantly fleeing his system, leaving only a widening hole of sorrow and regret.

"I . . . I thought if I gave you everything and anything you ever wanted," the older man softly spoke, gently stroking Ciel's pale cheeks with his thumbs, "if I worked myself to the bone, I could, I could save you somehow, in my own way." His voice caught at the end when he pulled Ciel into his arms tightly embracing the young man.

"All I wanted was my dad." Ciel whispered, squeezing his eyes shut and as he held onto his father. "Not you holing yourself up safe and sound while I suffered. You left mom with the burden of watching me die, helping me to fight to live!"

He felt Vincent's body stiffen, bitterness etched finely into his voice. "So I had no hand in helping you fight this disease?" He drew back and eyed his son carefully. "I had no influence over your care and treatment? Do you think I made myself so ignorant to the fact that your mother was shouldering incredible responsibility without me? Did you think I was so blind that I didn't you wasting away, sick from the chemo, bruised and dying?" Pushing himself away from Ciel, Vincent strode shakily towards the ruined marble chess set, he grabbed both sides and hung his head, droplets of tears dripped onto the board.

"My own son, my baby, my only son." He bit out, keeping his head down. "I couldn't stop any of it! I couldn't control how it devastated you, how it was eating you away piece by piece this fucking disease this motherfucking-" In one swift and shockingly graceful move, Vincent flung the entire set against the wall. "Disease!"

Ciel almost jumped out of his skin, eyes wide open from what he had just witnessed. The set was in God knows how many pieces, the noise of its destruction was deafening. Everywhere the blue haired male looked there were shattered pieces of beautiful black and grey marble.

Everything . . .shattered.

"Who paid for your treatments, Ciel?" Vincent whirled around, seething and panting heavily. "Who sacrificed time with you to work like a fucking animal to make sure you had the very best treatment money could buy? I wanted to spend days laying down in your bed with you when you couldn't move, I wanted to hold your hand when the biopsies and the blood transfusions were being administered, but I couldn't because I chose to work and I chose to make money so I could save you, so I could somehow make a difference because otherwise I'm just a useless worthless piece of shit who can't save their only son from death!"

Ciel quietly reached out to his father and pulled him close, his head resting easily on his dad's firm chest. When he was much younger, before the leukemia had robbed him of his innocence, he used to sit on his father's lap and listen to the older man's heartbeat, marveling at the steady and strong rhythm and how he wanted to be so much like Vincent.

"Dad," He whispered. "Please, don't-"

"I'm sorry! I'm so, so sorry!" Vincent gripped his son's shoulders, tears streaming down his face. "I love you. I love you. When you were born and I first held you I swore that I would protect you, give you a life I had never had, be the father I never had . . ." he closed his eyes, trying with great difficulty to compose himself. "I've failed you." He admitted in a trembling voice. "I've failed your mother, but I never stopped loving you both. Never once, never."

Ciel nodded his head, there was too much hurt, too much history that this moment could not possibly rectify; however, time was fleeting.

How long did he have? Ten years of hurt versus a lifetime of regret, he couldn't bring himself to committing his father to decade after decade of lost opportunities. Ten years, of disappointment and it still could not make him love his father any less.

"I love you, Dad." Ciel whispered. "I understand now and I love you so much, I really do and I'm ok, we're ok, I mean it."

"This can't make up for how I've been to you or your mother." Vincent shook his head sadly. "I promise we will work on this. I will never turn from you both again."

Ciel smiled, anything's possible, he thought.

"And, I would like to meet this . . .Sebastian." Ciel opened his mouth to respond, but his father shushed him. "It does not bother me who you choose to love" Ciel flinched at his father's words as the older man continued "I want you to be happy, in the end that is what truly matters" Ciel nodded, part of him wanting to correct his father about loving Sebastian and yet, another part if him feeling perfectly fine with the assumption.

"Invite him to our family birthday dinner." Vincent smiled, affectionately ruffling the head of slate. "That gives you about two weeks to muster up the courage to introduce him to our family." He chuckled, placing a kiss on Ciel's temple.

Shit, Ciel thought, what the hell do I do now?

 


	21. Chapter 21

_**Greetings my munchy crunchy skullzzzzz!** _

_**One day early update! This one goes out to Kinkylittlewolf, because she's so delicious I dedicate this chapter to her :D** _

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* * *

There was something off about Ciel, Lizzie mused as she flipped through her December issue of Vogue. While sitting up against numerous overstuffed pillows as she attempted to relax on the massive king sized bed.

Every guest room in the mansion was huge, including the furniture. She eyed the soft blue and white painted walls adorned with tasteful modern art and furnished with a dark wood vanity, a tall bureau, mirrored wardrobe closet and a chaise lounge. Decadence and beauty, aspects of life Lizzie had been immersed in since the day she was born. The blonde beauty had never known what it was to struggle, to suffer, to feel emptiness and fear until she almost lost Ciel.

Setting her magazine down with a sigh, she absentmindedly fingered the lace hem of her satin Ralph Lauren pajamas. A small smile played at the corners of her mouth when she rubbed the expensive material between her fingers.

Three years ago she had sworn to God that He could take away every piece of her extravagant life, destroy her numerous homes, melt all of her prized jewelry collections and overpriced handbags if He

would spare her beloved cousins life. When his situation had plummeted to the point of despair, Lizzie had come close to promising her soul to the devil himself.

But Ciel had recovered; her miracle boy was on his way to a happy and cancer free life. So why was she still up at 2:30am with an unsettled feeling in her heart?

Lizzie frowned, no; something wasn't sitting well with her.

Ciel had seemed uncomfortable throughout dinner, not to mention how pale he looked. A feeling of dread crept stealthily into her heart.

He had looked paler than usual. She thought, and tonight he barely ate anything.

She knew he had had a serious talk with his father after dessert, but when Ciel kissed her goodnight, she thought she noticed a bruise near his left wrist.

A bruise.

Swinging her thin legs over the edge of the bed, she pushed her small feet into a pair of blue satin slippers and threw on a warm fleece robe. Padding noiselessly out of her room, she peered down the dimly lit hallway and made her way to Ciel's room three doors down.

This is crazy, she thought, he's probably in a deep sleep!

Standing outside his door, Lizzie debated whether or not she should knock or just walk in. How would she explain the middle of the night intrusion? Tracing the brass doorknob with the tips of her fingers, Lizzie pursed her lips and sighed. Her instincts told her that something was wrong with Ciel, her heart begged for her to interfere, but her mind sternly admonished her for being paranoid as a result of those frightening years when Ciel was near death. Shaking her head, Lizzie turned around and stepped towards her room-

Wait. What was that?

There it was again, Lizzie turned slowly, her eyes narrowing as she concentrated on the sound from behind the door.

A cough.

Another cough.

What should I do? Lizzie wondered silently, pressing her ear against the door she listened intently, hoping the coughs were just the result of a dry throat.

Nothing a glass of water wouldn't fix, she reasoned.

Suddenly the sound that broke her away from reason and calmness came echoing through the door.

A choked sob.

Bursting through the door, Lizzie hurriedly flicked on the lights, chasing away the darkness of the large room. "Blood." She whispered hoarsely, gripping the ties of her robe.

Ciel was lying down in bed, sheets clutched tightly within his small hands, gasping for air. There was blood everywhere, so much that if it weren't for Ciel's bright blue eyes wide with panic she wouldn't have known if he was alive or not. Swallowing down the bile thick in her throat, Lizzie shut the door and rushed to his bedside. Hovering her hands above his head, she frantically wondered where the hell the blood was coming from and if Ciel was aware of what was happening.

"Ci-!" Her scream was cut short when a thin bloodied hand shot out from under the sheets and clamped down on her mouth. Ciel lifted himself from the bed and positioned his body to face Lizzie's trembling form.

"Quiet!" He hissed, spitting droplets of blood onto her pale cheeks. "You'll wake the whole goddamn house up!"

Lizzie shook her head out of his hand and watched with horror as her cousin righted himself and stood on trembling legs, his breathing coming in short spurts in response to the blood flowing from his nose.

It was then that Lizzie realized where all the blood was coming from. His nose.

"Nosebleed." She whispered, her voice cracking from the sob she forced down her throat. But it was not the time for losing one's mind, she reminded herself, fixing her green eyes at Ciel, she shoved him back into the bed.

"Stay here." She commanded, pointing a finger in his face and then hooking it under his chin. "Tilt your head up and pinch the bridge, I'll be right back." Ciel watched the blonde vanish into his private bathroom and seconds later return with a damp cloth.

Brushing her curls back away from her face, Lizzie descended upon Ciel, wiping away the smears of blood from his face and neck. Soothing words were uttered as she calmly cleaned her cousin, stroking his cheek and tucking strands of his blood tinged hair behind his ears.

"DDAVP." Ciel croaked, pointing towards his nightstand drawer. "It's a small nose spray on the left with the blue label. Give it to me. Now!" A trembling hand coated in a thin sheen of blood pointed towards the nightstand drawer.

Lizzie quickly yanked it open and rummaged through the sparse items until she found the nose spray. Handing it to Ciel, she watched warily as he popped the cap off, shook the contents rapidly and sprayed two shots into each nostril.

The room became a chamber of pained silence except for the erratic gasps Ciel emitted since he could not properly breathe through his nose. Drying blood pulled the skin on Lizzie's face tightly as she stood in front of Ciel wiping the cool damp cloth against his cheeks. So much blood.

A shudder ran through her lithe frame, causing her hand to shake as she pressed the cloth against the bottom half of Ciel's face. He closed his eyes and waited for the clotting agent to help his platelet deprived body help stop the bleeding.

In those few minutes neither cousin spoke, words were lost in the dizzying mix of apprehension, shock, pain, and fear. There was so much to say, but little courage left because they both knew what was undeniably sitting on the tips of their tongue, but to actually speak would be to admit the terrible truth.

"Your cancer is back." Lizzie stated in a voice cold and remote, her eyes wide and bright from unshed tears, "and you haven't told anyone." Ciel opened his eyes slowly, the bleeding had stopped and a dull headache, a side effect from the nose spray, was beginning to throb within his temples.

"I-I'm sorry." He rasped, grimacing from the taste of blood in the back of his throat. "I couldn't . . .I just . . ."

"How long?" Green eyes flashed angrily, an internal battle beginning to roar through Lizzie's mind and heart. "How long have you known?" She demanded.

Ciel watched the emotions warring on his cousin's face, there was no turning back now. With a weary sigh, he sat down carefully on his bloodied bed, his body still shaking from the episode. "Since the beginning of October." He admitted quietly.

"I was going to tell you at the tea house but you were late and I had a panic attack and Sebastian came along . . ." Lizzie covered her mouth with her hands to stifle her cry, blotches of red creeping up her neck as her terrified anger grew.

"Why?" She hissed. "Why would you keep this a secret? If your parents don't know then that means you haven't been receiving treatments!" Her voice began to rise in pitch, laced with hysteria and panic. "Oh God, Ciel! How could you? Why would you do this? To yourself, your family? To me!?" Finally giving in to her grief, tears flowed freely. Ciel felt a sickening wave of nausea, Lizzie's face was streaked in fine lines of tears and blood, his blood.

But isn't everyone in this family tainted by my blood? He thought, I've colored all of their lives, stained all of their perfect existences, defiled their hearts with inevitable death and forever altered the paths they had all meant to take.

It was all too overwhelming, the dinner, the argument with his father, waking up and choking on blood and now this. The one person Ciel had planned on protecting from pain and grief was hurting more now than ever before. He could read the crushing feelings of betrayal and dread on her face and it hurt him beyond explanation. At this point, right then and there, Ciel knew what he had to do. Enough was enough.

"Lizard." He whispered, hoping the old nickname he used on her when they were children would help eases the tension. "Sit with me." Lizzie's body jolted from the sound of his voice, authoritative and resolute. It caused an uneasy stirring in her gut and she suddenly felt sick.

Perching herself cautiously next to her cousin, she winced at the coolness of his skin when he gently took her hand. Threading their fingers together, they both glanced down at the stark contrast of their pale fingers against the dark red coagulated blood. It reminded Lizzie of blood truces made when unbreakable bonds and promises were made.

"Ciel." She tore her eyes away from their hands and looked into his eyes. "You want me to keep this a secret, don't you?"

A small knowing smile crossed his face. "I'm going to ask three things of you and I need to hear you say yes to each one." He squeezed her hand and she nodded silently for him to continue. "Promise me you'll go to your internship and give everything you've got to it. I won't deal with the guilt of you stay behind with me." Lizzie opened up her mouth to protest, but another squeeze of her hand reminded her that he was not done.

"Secondly," he continued. "You will tell no one about tonight. No one, understand? You will not breathe one word about this or about my leukemia to anyone." Green eyes began to pool with unshed tears as the immensity of the promises began to dawn on the young blonde. Ciel sighed, he knew this last promise was going to be by far the hardest.

"Finally," his voice cracked and he silently cursed himself for allowing a hint of weakness to come through. "I've decided to forgo treatment all together. I wasn't meant to live a long life and this is only prolonging the inevitable. I need you to make the best out of life and do everything you can to keep my parents from forcing treatme-"

"No!" Ciel jumped at the sudden interjection from Lizzie. She was breathing rapidly, her small chest rising and falling as new tears poured from her eyes.

"You can't! You can't! No Ciel! Please! No!" She pleaded, her voice shaking. "Start treatments now! Dr. Spears will save you, he can do this! You have to fight back, we'll all fight with you! Please don't give up." throwing her arms around his neck, she sobbed uncontrollably into his neck hugging him tightly. "You selfish son of a bitch. Don't leave me!"

Ciel held his cousin and willed his own tears to stay away. "Lizzie, if I stay and fight, I take you all down with me." He pulled away and ran his fingers against her blood stained face, wiping her tears. "If I die, you'll all grieve, but eventually you can move on and live."

"What kind of life do you think we'll have?" She whispered, placing her hands over his own. "knowing you paid for it with your life? What kind of peace do you think any of us will live with? Are you out of your mind?"

Ciel chuckled. "As if we've had any peace in 10 years." He pulled his cousin close to him and held her. "I'm like a plague in this family."

Lizzie shook her head. "No you're not, you're an inspiration, you're our fighter, you're our Ciel." She closed her eyes, the ache in her heart threatening to rip her apart. "I will go to London and I will be everything I'm supposed to be. I will not tell anyone about tonight nor about the Leukemia." Prying her body from Ciel's hold, she grasped his arms and spoke through gritted teeth. "But I will not accept your suicide you selfish jerk!"

Blue eyes widened at the forceful declaration. "Lizzie-"

"I refuse, Ciel." She interrupted. "For once, I refuse your request. You will not give up; you will start treatments as soon as possible. Tell your family as soon as possible. Make me a promise that you will do this before I leave for London"

Ciel began to shake his head 'no' until he heard his cousin's announcement.

"I will not take the internship if you don't tell your family this weekend." She stated firmly.

Ciel sat dumbfounded. "Blackmail?" He said with disbelief. "Tell the family this weekend? Lizzie, you can't be serious!"

"I am very serious, Ciel." She frowned, scratching a patch of dried blood on her chin. "We can wait until Dr. Spears leaves in the morning."

"He knows." Ciel whispered.

Lizzie stopped picking at her chin and stared at her cousin "He knows? So you have been getting treatments!"

Ciel shook his head. "Let me start from the beginning." He sighed.

* * *

The insistent sound of tapping reverberated throughout the small guest bedroom where Dr. Spears was currently slumbering. After spending most of the evening thwarting Angelina's drunken advances to his private areas, Spears had finally retired to bed, insisting that his hectic schedule and the generously lavish meal had tired him to the bone.

Popping one eye open, Spears listened carefully for what he thought might have been a dream; Ciel calling his name. But now in the darkened room he grumbled at the futility of dreams and drew the covers up to his chin.

" !" a whisper in the darkness.

Bolting upright, the doctor looked towards the door and heard the hasty tapping again. "Come in." He called, keeping his voice low yet audible. He flicked on his lamp light and gasped.

Walking into his room was none other than Ciel . . . and Lizzie?

Spears frowned, something was wrong. Ciel led Lizzie towards the bed, holding her hand while he walked unsteadily on slightly wobbly legs. Their face and hands were scrubbed clean, but their clothing had what appeared to be splotches of dried blood.

"What's wrong?" He asked hurriedly, his eyes flitting from Ciel's tired face to Lizzie's which was pinched with worry." What the hell happened?" He demanded.

"She knows." Ciel rasped. "She came to my room while I had a nosebleed."

"A nosebleed? Did you take the DDAVP?" Spears jumped out of bed, taking Ciel's face into his hands. Tilting the finely angled chin upwards, Spears examined the mildly swollen sinuses and glassy eyes. He tsked at the gaunt parlor and gently shook Ciel's head. "I don't know how long we can do this anymore." He muttered unhappily. "You are in dire need of a platelet transfusion, not to mention-"

"I'm telling my family Friday evening" Ciel murmured, blue eyes lidded with sadness and fatigue. "Please stay with me." He grasped the doctor's hands and squeezed them tightly. "Help me tell them that I'm . . ." New tears streamed slowly down his porcelain cheeks, "that I'm dying." His words were choked with emotion, too overwhelmed by the immensity of what he had to do and he leaned forward to allow Spears to wrap his arms around the young man.

Lizzie shifted nervously from one foot to another, feeling grief and hopelessness crash into her like a momentous wave. How was she going to be able to leave her cousin behind?

The stoic doctor held onto his sobbing patient, his mind running at lightning speed, processing the proper protocol for treatment. He would return to the office on Sunday and secure the necessary appointments, Vanessa would have to come in for at least two hours to arrange transfusion dates, chemo, lab work, and the short hospital stays Ciel would need for recuperation.

Spears was meant to save Ciel, dying was not an option for his beloved patient.

"You will not die, Ciel Phantomhive." He stated firmly, his grip on the young man tightening even more. "I swear to you, I will not let you die."

* * *

Black Friday.

Ciel stared at the flat screen TV in his family's media room, idly clicking from channel to channel, taking note of how many commercials about the greatest shopping day of the American year; Black Friday, the day after Thanksgiving.

Lizzie had begrudgingly gone with her mother, Rachel and Paula to the shopping malls early this morning in order to get a head start on Christmas shopping. Ciel chuckled, they were an unbelievably wealthy family and yet Aunt Francis and his mother insisted that only a fool would let a good sale go unnoticed.

Stretching his thin legs out across the plush couch, he yawned and took another sip of tea. He was dressed in sweatpants and a long sleeved t-shirt, hiding numerous bruises along his arms, legs and torso. The previous night's nosebleed had left him tired and drained, not to mention the clotting spray he used had left him with a dull persistent headache. Shutting his eyes to the screen, he thought about his plans to finally tell his family.

Black Friday.

Dr. Spears would be by his side explaining how he was going to help him once again. Lizzie promised she wouldn't cry, however it was all laid out and Ciel knew his family would be hurt, devastated, broken; just like him.

A soft vibration tickled his ribs, accompanied by a buzzing sound. Glancing down at his side, he saw his cell, which had somehow ended up under him, light up with a new text message. After a moment's hesitation, he picked up the phone and tapped the screen.

'Good Morning Love, how was your dinner?' It read and Ciel bit his lip, hating himself for the lies that were to come.

'Fine' He typed back.

"Dammit!" He hissed after sending the message. "What's wrong with me?" He groaned, burying his face into one of the toss pillows.

Another message buzzed in. 'What's wrong? Can I ring you up?'

Shaking his head as if to rid himself of his guilty thoughts, Ciel quickly tapped out his reply. 'I'm not sure, family issues I have to deal with. Can't talk right now.'

A response quickly came. 'Can't or don't want to?'

To this Ciel shut his phone off. There was too much for the blue eyed boy to face today, too much truth and consequence looming over his head for him to deal with his boyfriend's questions. He wasn't sure how Sebastian was going to take being ignored once again, but at that moment, he couldn't care.

In a matter of several hours he was due to deliver the worst news imaginable to his family and he couldn't even seek comfort in the man he loved being with. Ciel's eyes widened, loved being with? He thought, or loved?

A hot blush erupted on his cheeks; had it gotten that far in such a short amount of time? Trembling hands fingered the silent cellphone, how could this have happened?

"I love him." Ciel whispered to himself, gripping the device, the garden of roses in his heart wilting. "And it doesn't even matter in the end." Sorrow welled up and knotted in his chest. What could he offer the handsome dancer, but a few months or perhaps a handful of years? Would Sebastian even stay with him?

The sound of the doorbell chiming brought Ciel out of his morose thoughts. Curious as to who would be visiting this early and during their holiday, Ciel rose from the couch and padded down the long hallway towards the grand foyer.

Tanaka had just closed the large double glass panes front doors and turned to smile at Ciel. In his arms was a bountiful bouquet of white and dark lavender roses framed in deep green leaves and snow white baby's breath. The roses surrounded a lovely crystal vase filled with at least 20 chocolate covered strawberries on thin black bamboo sticks.

The sweetly pungent smell of the berries mixed with the delicate perfume of the roses was a thrilling and sensuous combination. Not to mention that chocolate covered strawberries were Ciel's all-time favorite treat. He stepped forward to help the elderly steward with the elaborate and heavy centerpiece.

"My god, who sent this?" Ciel huffed, setting it down on the foyer table. "And who's it for?" He added, eyeing the strawberries hungrily. It was truly a breathtaking arrangement and must have been ridiculously expensive.

"The note here states that this delivery is for you, young master" Tanaka pointed out, handing the young man an envelope marked with his name. Ciel frowned and took the note, taking care to keep the letter from Tanaka's curious eyes as he read.

'A token of my heart to the one who holds it.

I am thankful to know you, adore you, cherish you and have you.

Think of me as I think of you, my pet.

Enjoy the beauty of the roses, for they pale in comparison to you.

Savor the taste of these treats, as they are nowhere near as sweet and delectable as you.

Sebastian'

"Sebastian." Ciel breathed, clutching the letter to his chest. He should have guessed, the roses were a reminder of the dance studio's sign which had dark purple and black roses painted around the letters. And how many times had Ciel dragged the Englishman into expensive chocolatiers to purchase a bag of chocolate dipped fruit?

Tanaka looked at his young ward with the warmest of smiles. "Where would the young master like for me to display such a beauteous and generous arrangement?" Ciel pondered for a moment, his face still heated from the contents of the letter.

"In the family room." He decided, confiscating a strawberry and popping it into his mouth. "Refrigerate the treats so that they may be shared with the family after dinner." With the news he was going to share tonight, everyone was going to need something to indulge their nerves a little.

Ciel felt the burden of guilt once again settle onto his heart. "Have you ever felt like you want to open up to someone you love, but you're afraid that by doing so you'll lose them." He spoke lowly to the elder, feeling like the small child of the past who used to pester the steward with a million and one questions. Ciel looked up at Tanaka, his eyes pleading for guidance.

The grey haired man nodded his head, placing a gloved hand on the young man's shoulder. "When we love, we also fear. It is a natural balance. Fear of losing love, fear of never finding love. All the same young master." He gently squeezed Ciel's arm and smiled. "But one cannot live by fear, in the end it leaves us scattered and alone. Live by love, Ciel. It is the higher law."

Ciel felt warmth spread through his chest. Was it so easy? He thought, looking at his cell phone screen, can I really do this?

"Thank you, sir." He replied softly. "I know what I have to do now."

* * *

"Even with the plethora of mars bars on your back, you are still a smashing lad." Claude murmured into Alois's ear before licking the side of his neck gently while tracing the patterned skin of his shoulders and back. Long fingertips ghosted lovingly over the skin riddled with raised pinkish burn scars.

"Mars bar?" Alois turned to look at Claude out of the corner of his eye. "Isn't that a candy bar?"

Claude chuckled, encircling his petite young lover with his muscular arms and drawing him close to his chest. "I mean scars, but you are quite delicious." He nipped the back of the college student's slim neck and rested his chin atop the messy nest of blonde hair. "Now there are no more secrets between us."

Alois felt his heart clench painfully, an image of Ciel's face flashed across his mind. He hadn't been able to confront his best friend about his terrible secret and it haunted him morning, noon and night. What if he could tell Claude, he mused, perhaps revealing the truth to Sebastian would help force Ciel to come to terms with his situation. But as quickly as the idea was formed was as quickly as it died. This was not his secret to tell, Ciel would never forgive him.. "Well, I suppose, but you can never know every single secret a person has, right?"he laughed lightly, hoping his nervousness went unnoticed.

Claude frowned. "True, but I meant mahusive secrets. The type that shouldn't be kept from a lover."

Yeah, the type Ciel's keeping from Sebastian, Alois thought sadly.

Nodding his head slowly, Alois snuggled deeper into Claude's torso.

The white bed sheets were rumpled and warm, surrounding their naked bodies with the scent of fresh flowers and soap. They had retired early to Alois's old bedroom where amidst the bright light, the NYU student had stripped and shown Claude his marred back. The dancer had spent a good amount of time examining in detail what had happened to him before the evening turned into an hour's long session of lovemaking, all done with the lights on.

The "family" dinner had been uneventful and predictable, his step parents had gotten drunk before the main course and his triplet step brothers barely spoke three words to anyone. Claude had been extremely amused by the situation, having dealt with dysfunctional family situations before, but he wasn't truly there to enjoy himself, he was there to support his feisty imp.

"Mahusive? I think you and Sebastian make half this shit up." Alois giggled, kissing Claude's cheek. "but I still love you . . ." Voice fading out as a look of complete panic shot across his sky blue eyes once the words spilled carelessly from his mouth. "Oh wait, Claude, I meant," he sputtered as he twisted his body around to face his boyfriend, "I'm sorry!"

Claude smiled, cupping Alois's face and kissing him gently. "I love you too." He murmured against the young man's soft pouty lips. "Now show me more of your secrets, my little highness."


	22. Chapter 22

_**Greetings deviant skullzzzzz!** _

_**A HUGE tongue wagging kiss to all of you delicious and beautiful reviewers and supporters! Can't believe how awesome the responses have been!** _

_**Here's another day early update, yeah I wanna spoil you all rotten!** _

_**Hey Anime Cujo! Can you see my thought bubble? teehee...wink** _

_**Anime Cujo was my guest smut writer on this chapter,isn't she amazing?** _

* * *

"Five days." Sebastian muttered, pulling on a pair of black dance pants. "Five days and that cheeky bugger doesn't call, doesn't text, doesn't come home!" Grabbing a matching form fitting t-shirt, he pulled it over his head, rolling it down over his toned chest. "For fucks sake, where is he?"

Glancing at the large ornate mirror in his office, the talk male noticed the dark bags under his eyes, sleep had evaded him the last couple of nights since every time he closed his eyes, thoughts and dreams of his rare blue butterfly would overwhelm him. A slow and deadly fear of losing his young lover had crept up within his mind and with Ciel's sudden absence from his life, Sebastian could no longer deny the ache he felt cutting deep in his heart.

He had fallen in love with the college student.

This wasn't like his other conquests, he had assured himself, this was different. Usually he would bask in the unabashed attention his former lovers would lavish upon him. He had never had to chase after or work so hard to win over anyone he wanted to take to his bed. Ciel was different in so many ways and now he was gone.

Gone.

Sebastian clenched his jaw and checked his cell phone again; nothing.

"Christ kill me." he growled, throwing the device onto his desk. His thoughts turned to Claude, his best mate would be good to unload his worries on. Out of the pair, Claude was the better listener, patiently taking in information and offering reasonable answers, but he was leading a class at the moment and so was woefully unavailable.

Making his way out of the office, Sebastian headed upstairs to the smaller studios. He had to teach a private lesson in half an hour and he hadn't even properly stretched yet. Entering into the smaller studio, he was immediately assaulted by the memory of his first intimate act with Ciel one romantic night several weeks ago in the middle of the dance floor.

Candles, pillows, dinner, wine, Ciel . . .

"Oh God." He moaned, leaning against the door frame. He truly wished Clause was free at that moment. Who else could he talk to? Who else would understand? Thinking back to their twenty year friendship, Sebastian smiled and fondly recalled the time, almost 10 years ago, when Claude had helped him discover his true self . . .

 _ **London, England**_.

"You always insist on taking the lead. It's not right." Claude argued as he shut the door behind him and Sebastian. Walking into the Michaelis's living room the two young men made their way over to the couch where they dropped their backpacks on the floor before proceeding to plop down on the large comfy sofa. "You have to learn both positions. It's the only way to truly appreciate the subtly of the waltz." Golden eyes glared over rimless spectacles to the smug male who sat opposite him now.

"Blimey It's not my fault that I naturally belong in the dominate role of the dance." Sebastian smirked, running his fingers through long bangs. "Besides, you make a dishy female partner." He teased, ducking to avoid a quick swat at his head.

"No, you're just afraid of what people will say if they saw you as the girl." Claude growled. "They'd be like, 'look at Sebastian, he's such a nancy'. As if they don't already." He jabbed verbally earning a disapproving look from his friend. Sebastian sighed and leaned his back against the armrest, his gaze suddenly turning serious.

"So, what if I were?" He asked quietly, Claude's chuckles ceasing at the serious tone. "A nancy, I mean. Would you no longer want to be my best mate?" Red eyes flitted to golden ones warily, the normally cocky male being replaced with the nervous 16 year old he was.

Claude sat back for a moment and thought, his eyes never leaving Sebastian's apprehensive posture. "No, I'd still be your mate." He said firmly, nodding to reinforce the statement. Crawling towards the other teen a bit, he stopped a few inches away and leaned forward, whispering. "Do you think you might be?"

Sebastian shrugged and averted his gaze. "I don't know, I mean, it's not like I've ever snogged another bloke, you know?" Crimson eyes looked up into Claude's face, a little surprised to see his friend so close all of a sudden. "How about you?"

Claude took a sharp breath, his expression paling by the question. "I-I, no, I mean, with another bloke." He fumbled, a light blush dusting across his cheeks. He glanced away quickly in hopes of avoiding anymore eye contact and practically jumped off the couch when he felt his friend move towards him.

"Then let's find out." Sebastian encouraged, scooting himself closer. "Just this once; together. Then we'll both know and that will be that." He smiled seductively at the skeptical look given to him by Claude. "I'll even let you take the lead for once." He offered, winking as his friend rolled his eyes.

Pursing his lips together in thought, Claude weighed out his options. He'd be lying if he said he wasn't just a little curious about what it would be like to kiss Sebastian, the idea even having crossed his mind a few times before while they were dancing. Really, what would be the harm in just testing the waters out a little bit?

"Ok." Claude agreed finally, moving so their knees touched where they sat and they faced one another. "Just this one time though." He warned sternly and Sebastian chuckled, nodding in agreement. Claude took a deep breath to calm his nerves as he raised his hands to cup his friend's chin.

Slowly, their heads inclined towards one another, bodies leaning in as Sebastian rested his hands on his friend's forearms. Eyes closed and Claude could feel the other teen's warm breath ghost over his parted lips, he smelled of cinnamon and something musky. Swallowing hard, he gently pressed his mouth against Sebastian's, feeling the softness of the foreign lips mold to his own.

They moved clumsily at first, out of sync and unfamiliar with their actions. Teeth clicked together as neither knew when to move or how much until the awkwardness gave way to gentle sucks and nips and Claude found himself pushing Sebastian back against the couch, his own body coming to rest over the other male's. He hovered over his friend's frame, one leg placed between his thighs as Claude continued to control the kiss.

Long fingers wound themselves into Claude's dark hair and Sebastian moaned softly, parting his mouth to flick a playful tongue at the wet lips. Claude groaned and complied, lazily rolling his moist muscle into the adjoining cavern, beginning a slow tantalizing dance. Breaths became ragged as the room began to heat up and it wasn't long before both teens were gasping for air.

Claude broke the kiss and much to Sebastian's surprise and delight, he immediately went to place light bites and kisses to thin jaw beneath him. He licked and sucked the pale skin, enjoying the sounds his friend made at his ministrations.

"Ahhh, Claude." Sebastian breathed, his eyes shut tight as hands wandered down his friend's shoulders to rest on the hips that so carefully had still managed to not make contact with his body. A harsh nip to his collarbone had him whining. "Nmm, keep . . . ahhh, keep going." He begged, roughly tugging the rest of Claude's body onto his own.

Hips crashed into each other and Claude's head flew up as his erection dug deeply into Sebastian's thigh. Golden eyes were wide as they looked down into lusty red ones, a small smirk playing over his friend's blushed face. His hips rolled forward and Claude groaned at the feeling of not only the friction it gave him, but also the way Sebastian's own arousal rubbed into his leg.

"Are you . . . ahhh, s-sure?" Claude gasped, using all his willpower to not just outright dry hump his friend right now. He was so turned on at what was happening that it wouldn't take much and just looking into Sebastian's bedroom eyes might be his undoing if he wasn't careful. "Ahhhh! Damn!" He cried as a warm palm enveloped his hardened mound and began to massage the swollen mass through his pants. Claude's head dropped back into the crook of his friend's neck, his breathing becoming erratic at the sensations the stroking provided.

"I said, keep going." Sebastian whispered, licking the shell of his friend's ear before chuckling and removing his hand. A low whine of protest left Claude's lips from the loss of the blissful feeling.

"You're such an arse." He growled lowly as he sucked his way down his friend's body, roughly pushing the slim thighs apart to rest in between them. Sebastian hummed as he placed both arms behind his head to watch the strong fingers attack the button and zipper on his pants.

Claude hooked his fingers under the layers of waistbands and gave them a quick jerk down, not caring that he was being unnecessarily ruthless at the moment. If there was one person who could get under the teen's skin, it was Sebastian, but Claude could give as good as he got it and he had plans for his snarky compatriot.

He eyed the stiff cock that flopped free of its confines and onto Sebastian's abdomen. The shaft was smooth and thick, thicker than his, but Claude was longer and he smirked at having the upper hand there. Wrapping his fingers at the base, Claude positioned the pillar of flesh upright so he could stare at the shiny head.

"Awww, it's so cute." He teased, knowing the comment would infuriate his friend. A low growl was heard from overhead causing Claude to chuckle. "Now, don't be shy. There's nothing to be embarrassed about your short-comings, Sebastian." He couldn't help, but laugh at the disgruntled noises being emitted from his commentary.

"Well, if it's so small then you shouldn't have any trouble getting all of it in your mouth!" Sebastian snapped, thrusting his hips up and smearing a bit of pre-cum onto Claude's lower lip. He smirked as his friend grimaced at the taste. "There you go, now just put it in your mouth and su-aahhhhhhh!" He cried as lips latched onto the bulbous head and a tongue probed the slit of his dick. Hands flew to wrap themselves into Claude's hair as he continued to take more of his friend with each suck.

Claude hollowed out his cheeks to suck harder, the sounds of Sebastian calling his name and writhing beneath him feeding his ego and he hummed happily at the way he restrained his friend from thrusting upwards with his hand. Everything Sebastian was feeling was because Claude was letting him feel it; the idea of being able to give so much pleasure was the biggest turn on for him. He felt the mass throb heavily between his lips and Claude pushed the cock as far back into his throat as possible, just in time to hear his friend cry out.

"Fuck! I'm . . . ahhhnnnn . . . Claude!" Sebastian wailed as he came, eyes screwed tightly shut as his first partnered orgasm tore through his body. He saw white as he pumped his seed deep into his friend's throat, thighs shaking from the intense feeling and fingers ripping into Claude's scalp. "Oh God." Sebastian whimpered as his now softened cock was released from its warm wet home with a low pop.

Claude sat back, wiping his mouth on his sleeve and smirking at the sight before him. Sebastian lay on his back, a sweaty panting mess, red eyes unfocused as he tried to regain a normal pace of breath. It was the only time he had ever seen the overconfident teen look so vulnerable and he chuckled at how he wished he had a camera to capture the moment.

"What?" Sebastian snorted, tucking himself back into his pants and zipping them up again. Sitting up, he ran his fingers through the messy bangs in a vain attempt to straighten them. "Why are you staring at me like that?"

"Nothing." Claude answered, chuckling again. "It's just; you look so cute and helpless after you cum. I now understand what they mean by post-coital glow." He snickered before the air was knocked out of him and he was on his back on the other side of the couch, Sebastian hovering over him this time. "Hey! What the hell?" Claude argued, trying to push his friend off of him.

"Oh, but what about you?" Sebastian purred, red eyes gleaming mischievously. "You haven't had any of your fun yet." Claude struggled against his friend, but stopped the moment he felt long fingers trace over his still engorged length. Eyes rolled back into his head and a low moan slipped past his lips as Sebastian pressed harder. "See? You're still all hard. Why don't I take a look?" He smirked, sliding down Claude's body and out of his line of vision.

Sebastian returned the favor with just as much fervor as his friend had shown him and it wasn't long before the cries of passion were coming from Claude this time. By the time they had finished, neither held anymore doubt in their minds that they were both gay.

However, now came the awkward aftermath of with what had been transpired between them. What were they now? Friends? Friends with benefits? Lovers? In an effort to save their friendship and keep their dignity, Claude and Sebastian agreed that this would be the last time they would ever mess around with one another.

They also agreed to keep their sexual preferences private until one or the other was ready to come 'out of the closet'. With everything settled, the teens picked up their backpacks and proceeded to start on their homework before dinner.

Later that night...

"That tart has the nerve to tell me how to do my job! She's all fur cost and no knickers! Utterly useless that one!" A voice complained as the sound of clanging pots and slammed cabinet doors rang loudly throughout the kitchen, sending out the message that Lilith Michaelis was none too pleased.

Sebastian and Claude set the dinner table quietly, flitting their eyes from each other to the door of the kitchen with nervous faces. When Sebastian's mom was in a mood, you had better watch your tongue.

Lilith had grown up on the bustling streets of London and had married young to a handsome young man she met at the university they both attended. They had an idyllic marriage, Sebastian was their first born and five years later they were blessed with a daughter, Mina.

Her best friend was Abigail Faustus, a beautiful and excitable girl with an addiction to alcohol no one knew existed. She unfortunately shared this addiction with her husband, Jack, and it was their eldest son, Claude who bore the brunt of their physical abuse. Sebastian would often have Claude sleep over at their home to help him escape the nightmarish home life.

His younger sister, Hannah had seemed to escape wrath and terror altogether; however, this changed one night when Jack murdered Hannah in a drunken rage. Amidst the despair, Lilith had swept in and "adopted" Claude into her home. Abigail went into rehab while Jack got 50 years in jail for the manslaughter of his nine year old child.

As gruff and textured as Lilith's personality could be, she had endured her own pain and private hell and thus was extremely empathetic to those in need. When Mina was only five and Sebastian was ten, their beloved father, Mykhal, committed suicide.

With a heavy and broken heart, Lilith picked up the pieces of her life, soothed her distraught children, assured Claude he would never be abandoned again, and trudged on with life. But even Lilith had limits to her patience.

"If she says one more thing, ONE MORE THING!" The black haired woman poked her head through the doorway, waving a large greasy wooden spoon at the teen boys. "I'm going to box her so good she'll be singing out of her arse!" Sebastian bit back laughter as Claude nodded wide eyed, unable to reply.

"Oi! What's with all the argy bargy?" A young girl with long ebony hair came bounding down the stairs, her garnet eyes flashing with annoyance.

Mina Michaelis, eleven going on 30, Sebastian thought sourly. "Shouldn't you be helping us set the table, urchin?" He growled, waving at the table.

"Leave her, Sebastian. It's all done." Claude chided, smiling gently at Mina who in turn ran up to the teen and kissed him in the cheek. Sebastian rolled his eyes; Claude had a soft spot for Mina because she reminded him so much of Hannah.

"You know Sebastian, I had an interesting afternoon." Mina drawled, pulling at Claude's arm playfully. "Do you want to hear about it?"

"No." He muttered, placing napkins on the table.

"Oh, but dear brother it's soooo interesting!" She said with a sickly sweet voice. "I actually came home early from my flute lesson." Both male teens froze and turned slowly to Mina.

"I was taking a snooze, you see." she began, her smile wider than ever. "And then I hear someone making a row in the middle of the day!" Her eyes locked onto Claude's. "And I come down to investigate and what do I see but you two benders rutting on mum's couch fondling your twig and berries!"

"MINA!" Yelled Sebastian, his face burned bright cherry red as he lunged at his sister. If Claude had not deftly grabbed the small preteen and moved her to his side, her brother would have surely tackled her to the floor.

"Mina, we're sorry you saw that, please don't be angry." Claude pleaded. "It was a one-time thing."

"Mina, I swear to God I'm going to kill you!" Sebastian seethed. "You had no business to watch!"

"Well, I was curious!" She huffed. "Next time rut and snog all you want in the privacy of your bedrooms!"

Claude nodded. "She's right; we shouldn't have done that on the couch."

"Does this mean he's your boyfriend?" Mina looked up at Claude, her face returning to its innocent look.

Sebastian snorted. "No, we just wanted to see if we were . . . well . . . " He felt his cheeks flush again, "you know . . . gay."

"Cor Blimey! Of course you boys are gay, you dolts! Have you just figured that out now?!" Three pairs of eyes slowly made their way to the kitchen door to find Lilith standing there holding a large bowl of Shepard's Pie. Sweat from working over a hot stove pooled on her forehead, her dark red eyes narrowed in on the teen boys.

"Christ kill me! I've known forever! I'm not daft, you know! But did you think I'd have a dicky fit if I found out?" She huffed in annoyance. "Be good boys, grow up to be good men, that's all I ask." Blowing a wisp of hair from her face, she held out the steaming bowl of food and scowled. "Now grab this damned pot before I burn my flipping fingers off, dinners ready!" . . .

Sebastian chuckled at the memory and opened his eyes to glance at the time on the pocket watch. The faint sounds of a lusty flamenco tune intermingled with the rhythmic thunder of dancing feet could be heard from Claude's studio downstairs. A few months back they had begun training for a huge charity gala event scheduled right after Christmas. To be invited as the only dance company as part of the gala's evening entertainment was a huge honor and the charity boasted many celebrity guests, philanthropists, politicians and successful businesses. Participation would bring even more attention to their thriving dance company and the charity was one near and dear to many of Sebastian and Claude's dancers.

Cancer research.

St. Jude Children's Research Hospital and Cure Search had partnered up to raise money and awareness for research, and hopefully a cure, for childhood cancers. About six months ago one of Sebastian's students had suggested the dance company become involved in the charity program; it would earn more attention to the business while helping out a worthy cause. The Englishman discussed the idea with his partner and both agreed it was a fantastic opportunity.

Sebastian raised his arms over his head and stretched his entire body until he felt a bone pop in his back. Groaning, he reached down to touch his toes and promptly stood straight again to roll his head and loosen up his neck muscles. His next student was due any minute and they still had to perfect their solo tango for the event.

The sound of the studio door opening caught his attention, turning to greet the lovely woman dressed in a flowing knee length black dress, Sebastian hummed his approval. "Even your walk has become much more fluid and graceful." He complimented, eyeing the new black heeled shoes she sported. "And you finally listened to me and bought the correct pair of shoes for the event."

"I hope they're worth it, half my rent went into buying them!" The brown haired woman placed a quick kiss on Sebastian's lips and handed him a piece of paper. "Before I forget, here are the directions to the mansion for the gala, the itinerary, a list of contacts you will be dealing with that evening and your tables for when you and your company need to sit and have dinner."

Sebastian whistled. "Perhaps you should quit your job and work for me, Jezebel has been working double shifts here and she's ready to murder the lot of us if we don't give her more than one day off per week."

The young woman laughed. "Do you think I'm stupid enough to leave one slave driver for another?" She patted his cheek and walked to the middle of the dance floor. "Come on, I'm dying to get this Tango mastered and we only have three weeks before the event!"

Shaking his head in amusement, Sebastian placed the paper on a bench and bowed to his dance partner "Shall we have this dance..." he paused to look up and wink, "Vanessa?"

* * *

"Five days." Ciel muttered, fingers tapping impatiently against the steering wheel of his car. "He's probably pissed, can't blame him. Five fucking days." Looking again at the red light, Ciel cursed the slow light and huffed. "Come on, you bastard, change!" As if the universe had heard him, the light instantly turned green.

"Thank you." He sighed, continuing to drive towards his apartment. The ride back from his winter vacation home had been long and tedious. It was close to dinnertime and all he desired at that moment was his shower, a meal, his bed, and sleep.

But there were other pressing matters to deal with. Like facing Sebastian and proclaiming his love for him. Ciel rolled his eyes; he was certainly not going to put it across like that.

"Sebastian, I'm in love with you." He said aloud, feeling the weight of each word roll heavily off his tongue. He knew if he told him how he felt, that eventually the truth about his cancer would have to come up. Sucking in a deep breath, he willed himself not to back out of seeing Sebastian tonight.

It was Monday and private classes went on until 8:30, if he was quick enough he could get home, shower, wolf down a sandwich and grab his violin before heading out to the dance studio. Yes, he smiled to himself, he would need his violin.

It had been five full days since he saw Sebastian last, they hadn't even spoken over the phone and the last text Ciel received from his boyfriend was Sunday night. He was pretty sure Sebastian was expecting him home by then, he was even more certain that his red eyed lover had probably driven by the building or knocked on his door.

Caught at another red light, Ciel felt for his phone in his pocket and checked the device for Sunday night's saved text message from Sebastian and read it again in silence:

' _You've got your ball_

_You've got your chain_

_Tied to me tight, tie me up again_

_Who's got their claws_

_In you my friend_

_Into your heart I'll beat again_

_Sweet like candy to my soul ._

_Sweet you rock_

_And sweet you roll._

_Lost for you I'm so lost for you._

_You come crash into me_

_And I come into you_

_I come into you_

_In a boys dream_

_Touch your lips just so I know._

_In your eyes, love, it glows so_

_I'm bare boned and crazy for you._

_When you come crash_

_Into me, baby And I come into you_

_In a boys dream_

_If I've gone overboard_

_Then I'm begging you_

_To forgive me_

_In my haste_

_When I'm holding you so_

_Close to me_

_Please, come crash into me'_

"I really do want to." He whispered.

The buzz of his cell quickly brought him out of his thoughts, it was a new text message. Once he was stopped at another red light, Ciel opened the message, it was from his mother.

'Don't forget to get a good night's rest. Your father and I will meet you at Dr. Spears's office at 9 am. Love you so much.' Ciel texted back, 'K' and put his phone back in his pocket.

Telling his family was one of the most devastating moments of his entire life. Right up there with finding out he was sick again.

Dr. Spears had sat the family down after dessert this past Friday, with Lizzie seated next to Ciel and Spears resting a comforting hand on the young man's shoulder. As Ciel listened to the heart breaking news the doctor delivered, he watched the faces of each family member morph into completely readable emotions.

Rachel had succumbed to anguish while his father twisted into rage and guilt. Uncle Alexis turned his face away to hide his tears while Aunt Francis pressed her lips into a tight thin line. Aunt Ann held her older sister and sobbed with her while grin faced Edward held a trembling Paula.

Ciel did not cry; he would not cry. His face held no emotion for anyone else to feed off from. "I'm sorry." He whispered, his mother and father enveloping their only child in a fierce embrace.

"We will fight this with you, as a family." Vincent had vowed. "You will not leave us, Ciel."

The evening had turned out surprisingly calm after that, deep in shock and grief, but composed and full of a stubborn determination to support Ciel and see him through another difficult period of his life. Dr. Spears kept quiet about how long Ciel had known the truth. Why add on more guilt and unhappiness, he reasoned.

"Thank you, doctor." Ciel held Spears's hands and squeezed them lightly. "You know, you are my hero."

Green eyes shined with immeasurable joy. "Anything for you, Ciel. Anything."

A loud honk from the car behind him jerked Ciel out of his memory. He flipped the driver off and made it to his apartment.

An hour later, Ciel was rushing out of the building holding a half-eaten sandwich and brushing his damp slate locks with his free hand. It was 8 pm and he needed to get to the studio before Sebastian left. The sudden realization that he had no idea where Sebastian lived dawned on him.

"Well, perhaps tonight we're going to have to change that." He muttered, jumping into his car and turning the ignition.

* * *

Texted lyrics from the song, "Crash" by The Dave Matthews Band.


	23. Chapter 23

_**Greetings sweet Candy**_   _ **Skullzzzzz!**_

_**My deepest apologies for being so late in responding to reviews! The support has been incredible and I feel like a dirtbag not reaching out to my readers last week so again, I am sorry.** _

_**So my beloved Anime Cujo suggested that I create a poll for my readers on what Ciel's future should be in SMTB.** _

_**I think I will, it would give me some insight into the reader's feelings and desires.** _

_**Thoughts?** _

_**Ok, time to get it on! Read! Enjoy! Review! Thank you**_!

* * *

"Listen carefully, for if you do not follow my directions, the doors of my studio will forever be closed to you." Sebastian teased, releasing his hold around his student's waist as the sensuous Argentinian music came to a halt. "Better posture is key. Straight spine, head level, chest lifted, core strong, relaxed, and confident. Not only does it please the eye, you won't end up kicking your partner in the shins, stepping on their toes, or breaking their back." Vanessa pouted as Sebastian continued. "This will likely decrease the chances of people running away to avoid dancing with you."

Vanessa scoffed. "Are you implying that my dancing causes men to run away from me?" She asked indignantly.

Sebastian chuckled, drawing the young brunette back into his arms. "These are only reminders for our benefit." He smiled, gently placing a kiss upon her smooth forehead. "You have a natural ability for the dance and I am most honored to be your partner."

Vanessa beamed. "I'm so excited. I can't wait to perform with you!" Throwing her arms around his neck, she gave him a quick embrace before turning to retrieve her small gym bag from the bench.

"You've improved greatly. It's going to be brilliant, just mind your heavy feet." He flicked her nose and laughed. "What could I do with a broken toe?"

The young secretary gasped. "Oh no, you didn't! I have small feet!"

"Small feet, yes." Sebastian backed away from Vanessa, swatting her hands from grabbing his shirt. "But light? Nope, they're heavy as all hell."

Light hearted laughter filled the hallway as the pair chatted for a few more minutes until Vanessa finally waved goodbye and descended into the staircase. Sebastian shook his head as he listened to the emphatic echoes of her stomping footsteps. "Solid brick feet." He sighed, taking a huge gulp from his water bottle and wiping his face with a small hand towel, completely unaware that he was secretly being watched from the darkness of a nearby locker room.

Stifling a giggle, Ciel breathed a sigh of relief once the clomping brunette was gone. What the hell are the odds, he thought wearily. He had arrived about ten minutes earlier, hoping to catch Sebastian before he left for the night.

Jezebel, The Danse Macabre's only and very beleaguered receptionist, sat quietly behind her desk, clutching a very racy looking manga in her hand.

"Good evening!" He panted, having run three blocks from the only parking spot he could find. "Is Sebastian still here?"

The pretty girl looked up from her graphic novel, "Yes he is, beautiful boy, is he expecting you?" She winked; a cute little grin on her face.

"Thanks!" Ciel blushed, "but not exactly, this is more of a surprise personal visit."

"Yah, well he has a lesson going on that should end in five minutes." She resumed reading her manga, the cover displaying two very good looking male characters in a passionate embrace. Oh my, Ciel thought, feeling the color on his cheeks deepen.

"Ok, can I go upstairs and wait for him? I won't disturb the lesson." He quickly added.

Jezebel shrugged. "Sure, I'm too tired to care." She laughed, waving him off towards the staircase.

Ciel smiled and thanked her, taking a deep breath as he bounded up the stairs, eager to see the man he loved.

He expected an awkward moment, maybe some bitter words, that he could handle because in the end it would all be worth it. What he did not expect was to see Dr. Spears's secretary engaged in a tango with Sebastian.

"Holy shit!" He mouthed silently, quickly ducking away from the doorway.

Every studio had a full glass pane door that it allowed outsiders to watch dancers perform and yet muffled the sounds of moving feet and music. Ciel figured he would stand in the hallway to the side and catch glimpses of Sebastian at work. He had seen his dancing several times from his few visits to the studio and it never failed to leave him in awe over the grace, strength and beauty of his boyfriend's abilities on the dance floor. At that moment; however, Ciel was left in shock and terror.

"Vanessa?" He gasped, a cold numbness tearing through his body. He couldn't have her see him; she would blow his secret wide open! Desperate to hide from her, Ciel ended up scurrying into the locker room, praying to every saint and his one God that he would not be discovered.

After listening to their hallway conversation end and his ear pressed firmly against the bathroom door, he decided to take a chance and make his move. Peeking through the crack of the door, he spotted Sebastian heading back into the room.

"Now or never." He muttered, slowly walking out into the hallway. His heart beat quickly as he walked towards the door and without much thought he clutched the door knob and boldly walked in.

"Hello, Sebastian." He quietly announced, the door swinging open a bit too widely, crashing loudly into the wall, his courage melting away like hot wax. The studio was brightly lit and Sebastian had just taken off his shirt. At the sound of the door banging open the raven haired man had jumped and turned quickly to lock eyes with Ciel. Gulping at the breathtaking sight of his gorgeous boyfriend, Ciel stared hungrily at the fine sheen of sweat glistening over his toned chest and well defined abs, ebony hair swept back away from his face revealing bright red eyes.

Red eyes that suddenly turned dark with anger.

His grip on the handle of his worn violin case tightened, a nervous knot winding itself within the pit of his stomach.

"Is that it then?" Sebastian replied, his voice cool and distant. "Hello, Sebastian. Is that all?"

Ciel nodded slowly, placing the violin case on the floor. He regarded Sebastian with caution, his eyes wary of the brewing fury rising from the male. Holding up his hands in front of his body as if to ward off an attack, Ciel cautiously approached the fuming man. "I know you're upset with me-"

"You don't know shit!" Sebastian spat, crossing his arms and stepping forward. "I'm furious with you!" It was completely understandable for Sebastian to be so angry, Ciel had expected a less than warm reception from the Englishman. Yet, the ferocity behind Sebastian's tone scared him.

"Please." Ciel whispered, placing his shaking hands against Sebastian's chest. "I don't want to fight."

Sebastian tsked, pushing Ciel's hands away from his body. "I'm not fighting, Ciel." He announced frowning and waving him off with a dismissive air. "I only fight for things that are well worth fighting for."

Ciel's mouth dropped open, his eyes wide with shock as the sting of Sebastian's words hit deeply. But he wasn't going to allow himself to be purposely hurt.

"Wow, is that how you handle complicated situations?" He scowled, glaring at Sebastian, their faces mere inches from each other. "By being a complete asshole?" He bit out.

"Complicated, you say?" He scoffed, pushing past Ciel and making his way to a bench where his bag lay open with a change of clothes. "You tell me you'll be back Sunday morning, instead you leave for five days, no call back, no reply to my texts, no communication whatsoever." He spoke, voice rising with anger, viciously pulling a shirt from his bag and forcibly putting it on. "You finally appear Monday night and you have the audacity to call me an asshole." He turned to face Ciel with a look of disgust. "Fuck you."

Words can never hurt me, my ass. Ciel thought bitterly.

"Why are you talking to me like that?" His voice shaking slightly. "All I want is for you to give me a chance to explain!"

A part of Sebastian cringed at what his harsh words had done to Ciel; it was obvious how his sharp tone and unkind words affected the young student. Deep down all he wanted was to hold his blue butterfly close and forgive him for his rudeness, for the pain and humiliation he had endured these past five lonely days. The pull to sweep aside a torrent of wild anger and pride was great, how easy would it be to accept his beloved back with open arms and heart?

Not easy at all.

If Sebastian hadn't withstood the past trauma of being purposely left behind with no explanation, no obvious reason, no goodbyes, perhaps this entire scenario would not grieve him to the point where he would be blinded by a wounded rage. He would not allow himself to be hurt again.

"Piss off." He growled. "I'm through with this game."

"Game?" Ciel sputtered, grabbing Sebastian's arm, forcibly shaking him. "You think this is a game?"

He hissed, searching Sebastian's face.

Azure eyes erupted with barely contained hurt and betrayal, at this point, Sebastian had reasoned with himself to back off before he said something truly hurtful, however, that was deemed too late.

"Honestly, at first, yes, this was a game." He spoke slowly, his voice softening as he watched bright eyes fill with tears. "You were the prize I wanted to catch, to tame, to conquer." He took a deep breath, carefully cupping Ciel's cool cheek with his hand. "I wanted to win you and I never, ever lose."

His heart thickening with regret as he watched Ciel's face darken, his ocean eyes a storm of indignation. "You're a spiteful and disgusting bastard!" He cried, his face damp with tears, slapping Sebastian's hand from his face. "You met me at my lowest point and you turned it into a game of conquest? I'm not some object you can win or lose!"

Stepping away from the older man, Ciel pointed a shaking finger at him, fixing an accusatory glare at him. "You were using me! All of those texts! All of those sweet words! Every second I spent with you, every minute of every day I gave to you was a big fucking joke to you!" Sebastian moved towards him, but was halted by a raised hand. "Don't come near me!" Ciel warned. "Don't you ever come near me again!"

If anyone ever doubted that a heart could break over and over again, surely Sebastian would be first in line to testify on the truth of that matter. "I never said you were game." He spoke softly now, the need to hurt Ciel beginning to ebb.

"Like hell you didn't!" Ciel grabbed his violin case and made quickly for the door. "This was a mistake. You're not what I thought you were."

The deafening slam of the door shook the glass frame and echoed like a gunshot throughout the studio. Ciel's breathing stopped for a couple of seconds, glaring at the large yet elegant pale hand splayed out against the door in front of him. He could feel the heat from Sebastian's body pressed against his back, his warm breath fanning over the shell of his ear. His hand felt clammy against the doorknob he twisted and pulled in a futile effort to open the door. Finally giving up; they stood there, silent and still, like two stone statues frozen in time, unknowing of what to do or say next.

The tension palpable.

"Listen to me." Ciel shivered at the baritone whisper. "At first it was a game, but you changed the rules without me realizing it. You altered the field, I didn't recognize myself around you, I felt nervous and self-conscious, hoping day by day you would allow me closer." Another hand glided up Ciel's back, gently resting at the nape of his neck. "All I wanted to do was impress you, be with you, have you want to be with me as much as I want to be with you. You've played me, Ciel. I trusted you and you played me like a blinking fool." He watched Ciel's head shake 'no' furiously as he continued. "You played the game of fetch, Ciel. Sending me farther and farther to catch your heart, throwing me away and watching me come scrambling back to you." He placed a hesitant kiss against the trembling pale neck of his blue eyed prize. "And I keep coming back to you."

"Sebastian . . ."Ciel choked out, suddenly whipping around to face his lover.

Sebastian squeezed his eyes shut, his own tears begging for release, instead he chose to raise his fist and send it flying into the wall flush with the slate colored head.

"Like a fucking dog!" He bellowed into Ciel's face.

Ignoring the throbbing pain pulsing through his fist, Sebastian grabbed Ciel by his arms and devoured his lips in a violent kiss. Pressing his body against the struggling student, Sebastian forced his tongue into the boy's mouth and inhaled the taste of his lover. Hurried gasps and jumbled words resonated in the spacious air of the studio while their mouths swallowed cries and moans of enraged pleasure.

The kiss was forced, but not unwelcome.

Ciel closed his eyes, knowing full well this was not an act of affection, rather it was a frenetic form of goodbye, as much as he wanted to lose himself in the kiss, it was devoid of anything truly loving.

Releasing Ciel's mouth, Sebastian panted, cradling the younger man's head in his hands as he spoke harshly against the reddened lips. "Feeding me bits and pieces while I ran about on your whims, hungry for whatever scraps you decided to throw at me. I am hungry for you, how could you keep doing this to me?" Ciel pressed his lips, shame written clearly across his face.

"You don't know how I waited for you." Sebastian brushed damp blue bangs away from Ciel's eyes. "You don't understand." He pressed a much more demure kiss against silken coral lips. "What I feel for you."

"Sebastian, I didn't play you!" Ciel whispered, his hands weaving themselves into Sebastian's hair. "I swear, please listen to me!" He pulled him close to his lips. "I don't want to leave you. Stay with me." His breathy plea sending chills up Sebastian's spine.

But it wasn't enough.

"Why should I?" Despair pouring from the dancer's mouth, hopelessness etched finely into each word. "So I could lose myself even further?" Sebastian watched as Ciel bit his lip to calm the impending breakdown. He could feel it coming closer and closer to his frayed nerves. "What's next?" Sebastian held Ciel's chin in place with his fingers, forcing him to look into his eyes. "You tell me you're going for another doctor's visit with that physician and then you up and disappear with him for five fucking months without one word of correspondence?" He released Ciel's face and backed two steps away from the young man. "No, thank you." He whispered. "I'm done."

Ciel swallowed a sob. "Please." He begged. "Please don't do this."

"You did this!" Sebastian fired back.

After ten years of on again off again chemotherapy, Ciel had thought nothing could come close to the same sickening and nauseous ache that would leave him debilitated and spent. He was dead wrong.

"Sebastian!" He croaked, covering his face with both hands, his tiny frame wracked by more sobs "Don't do this! Please!". Amidst the self-imposed darkness, Ciel could hear footsteps to his left and rustling, as if someone was frantically going through a bag. The steady footsteps came near him once again and the scent of sweet, lavender and tea caused him to lower his hands. Though his sight was blurred with tears, he could make out the silver watch being held out to him.

Oh God no, he thought.

"Ciel, take this" Sebastian commanded, his voice somber. "And leave my studio." Sebastian ordered softly, but firmly.

Wave after wave of wretched misery crashed into Ciel, he was suffocating under the despair of heartache, why was this happening? His mind couldn't process it.

"Ciel?" Sebastian quietly took the petite hand, wet from tears and gingerly placed the timepiece in its palm. "I'm sorry."

"Liar"! Ciel snarled, pushing Sebastian's hand away, taking one look at the watch, heavy with memory, before flinging it against the floor. A chorus of metal smashing against a hardwood floor rang out shrilly; the cherished timepiece lay shattered at their feet, reminding him of his father's destroyed chess set, the broken spirit of his family, his own fractured heart.

Everything in his life was crumbling apart.

Just like me. He thought.

Sebastian opened his mouth, but could not produce a noise; too shocked to formulate a response to what Ciel had just done and said. He could only stare at the splintered remains of what he had felt was a symbol of a heart he had grown to love and sworn to cherish. Minuscule gears, grey and gold springs, delicate shards of glass spread like blood among their feet.

"Why?" He finally spoke, his voice heavy with confusion "The watch . . . " He asked, trying to understand. "Ciel-"

"You lied!" Ciel yelled back, arms flailing as his temper mounted higher and higher. "You said you would never leave! You promised! Bastard liar! I believed you!" His voice cracked with unrestrained ferocity. "Were those promises only for the good times? Were they only for when I allowed you to touch me? When you made me feel good enough about myself so I could touch you?"

Sebastian grit his teeth. "I don't lie, Ciel-"

"Bullshit!" He screamed, kicking the remnants of the broken watch towards Sebastian. "Were you upset because I wasn't around for you to fuck me?" He laughed mockingly, wagging a finger in Sebastian's face as if he were reprimanding him. "Oh that's it, isn't it? You thought I was somewhere else giving away what you so rightfully earned!"

"That's not true!" Sebastian roared, reaching out behind the student's head and catching a handful of his blue hair. Their chests crashed into each other as Sebastian secured his arm around the small waist, pulling Ciel's head back, their eyes locking furiously.

"I meant every word." He hissed, fighting the urge to kiss him once more. "But you left, you lied, you never gave me a passing thought". His hold on Ciel tightening. "Why?"

Tell him. The voice in Ciel's mind screamed. Tell him!

"When I told you I was . . . slightly damaged," he replied," . . . it was so you could better understand me." Ciel's body shook with a mixture of remorse, anger and heartache. "I've had . . . terrible experiences and I just can't tell you yet. I can't put them into words and actually say them out loud. I don't know why, but not now, not yet." He drew in a shaky breath. "I run when I'm afraid, when I'm unsure of what to do because the last person I loved", he paused searching for the right words, "they left" He finished quietly, blue eyes looking imploringly at Sebastian.

Sebastian shook his head, not wholly convinced. "Don't you trust me by now?" Holding him closer. "Haven't I proven myself over and over again?"

"I don't trust that once you know everything that you'll stay." He replied evenly.

"This isn't going to work." Sebastian sighed heavily, slipping his hands from Ciel's body. Rubbing his temples with his fingers, he frowned. "I can't do this if you cannot be open with me."

"Why won't you talk about your dad?" Ciel asked in desperation.

A disquieting blanket suddenly covered the warring pair and Sebastian felt as if the ground beneath him was going to swallow him whole. This was unexpected.

"You don't understand." He answered lowly. "You have no idea what I've been through."

"I understand a lot more than you think." Ciel pointed out as he wiped his face with his sleeve "You're nothing but a fucking hypocrite if you fault me for not being open while you keep your own secrets from me!"

That did it and Sebastian snapped. "I don't want to talk about it because it hurts too goddamn much!" He yelled, fists clenched at his sides.

"And I can't tell you." Ciel yelled back. "The risk of losing you hurts too goddamn much!"

Standing in the bright studio with a dark city bustling just outside and newly falling snow glistening across the skies, the terrible void within Sebastian's heart began to fill with something close to understanding. For someone who prided himself in his natural gifts, good looks and intelligence, Sebastian was himself damaged and unable to cope with his own loneliness. Suddenly, it all made sense.

Silence descended upon the lovers, it was a necessary respite from the screaming and tears the argument had created. Sebastian needed a moment to process what had just occurred. They both had painful secrets, horrible traumatic past that neither one wanted to share because the past was like a hungry dog; constantly nipping and snapping at your heels, always at your side begging for bits of your soul, your sanity, your life to feast on. The fear of driving away another because of events they could not change was slowly destroying what had barely begun.

Dark garnet eyes scanned the floor, taking note of the destroyed watch strewn so carelessly on the wood.

I did that. He thought sadly.

Those same eyes moved upwards to take in the site of a trembling emotional mess that was his boyfriend. The bright smile he had dreamt of seeing again was replaced by a grimace. The ocean eyes he would lose himself in were dull and rimmed in red from the bouts of crying.

I did that too. He reprimanded himself.

In his heart, Sebastian lamented the suffering he had caused, how could he have been so cruel? For the past three years he thought only of his own needs and selfish wants; then one crisp autumn afternoon a beautiful blue eyed boy had stumbled into his life and now every day was a new possibility of feeling new levels of warmth, and desire.

"Ciel-" He began.

"I gave you the watch to think of me when I wasn't around." Ciel interrupted. Unable to look at his beloved, he opted to keep his eyes glued to the floor, "and then I realized how huge a step that was and it scared me and I'll admit, I had second thoughts about us." He sighed, unable to meet the red eyes of his beloved. Ciel kept his gaze to the floor, wincing at the skeletal remains if his watch. "But I realized that I do love you, I've never loved anyone like this and. . . I'm scared that if you knew everything about me you would walk away and leave me alone. I don't want to be without you." There it was; the one truth Ciel knew he could speak about aloud.

Sebastian moved towards the young man. "You . . . love me?" He asked quietly, cocking a thin eyebrow.

Ciel looked up, a hot red blush dusted his cheeks. "Yes," he mumbled, "I do."

"Ciel, tell me again." Cupping the soft porcelain face in his hands, Sebastian licked his lips and whispered into his ear. "Say it again."

He shivered, wrapping his arms around Sebastian's waist. "I love you." Humming his approval, he kissed Ciel's supple cheek and rested his forehead against the other's.

"Ciel," His voice heavy with emotion. "We have time, when it's right I'll bare everything to you and when you're ready you'll bare everything to me. When the time is right," he placed a gentle kiss on the tip of Ciel's nose, "but I'm here, I'm not going anywhere, forgive me." He squeezed his face gently. "Please forgive me. I'm sorry I hurt you." Ciel nodded, more tears falling from his mildly swollen eyes, but this time they were tears of relief.

"Promise me you'll stay. Promise me you won't leave again." Sebastian pleaded, enveloping Ciel in his arms, hugging him tightly as if he would suddenly up and leave "Don't do this again, I can't stand for it, I can't".

"I promise, I swear" Ciel sniffed. A shuddering breath wracked his small body as he buried his face into Sebastian's chest. "Take me home." he whispered.

Sebastian nodded, kissing the slate haired crown. "Did you drive here, love? You can park in my garage spot and I'll drive you home-"

"No." Ciel shyly stated, his ears bright red. "I mean; your home."

Sebastian blinked. "My place?" He placed a quick kiss upon Ciel's lips and looked into his eyes, the message becoming clearer. "Ciel," he breathed, holding him close to his chest. "Are you sure?"

Ciel pressed back, moaning at the feel of his beloved's well defined body pressing against his own. He had thought about finally giving himself to Sebastian, forming a deeper bond with the only person he had ever fallen in love with.

Kissing him back, Ciel licked the dancer's lower lip and nipped it gently; a smile gracing his face as he regarded his man. "100 percent." He replied.


	24. Chapter 24

_**Greetings!** _

_**THANK YOU ALL!** _

_**The reviews were unbelievable! You people are just...just...ugh, I can't even put it in words how I feel right now oxox** _

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_**Ok, Let's cut to the chase...I know what you want and here it is!** _

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_**Many thanks to AnimeCujo for being my collab writer in this chapter!** _

* * *

Sebastian had never much been one for religion.

Raised within a fairly spiritual setting, Lilith had taken the children to services at The Church of England for certain holidays. Easter was happily observed and Christmas brought about large boisterous dinners when the relatives from Ireland came in for two weeks. But religious? No, Sebastian ceased his nightly prayers the day his father committed suicide.

Where once the comfort of a higher order had resided in his heart, there now was anger, resentment and pain. If God was good, then why did He allow his father to leave so violently, so permanently? The only man he had ever looked up to, the first man he had ever truly loved, was gone without warning, without reason, without a goodbye.

Sebastian did not think of God, nor angels, nor heaven. They had no place in his own private darkness. But at this moment, the thoughts suddenly rushed back.

"You . . . you brought your violin?" He asked, tilting his head to the side. "Were you thinking of using it as a weapon in case I decided to kill you?"

Ciel carefully opened the worn case and gingerly removed a deep mahogany colored violin nestled in red velvet lining. "Shut up and pay attention." Ciel whispered, kissing his lover's lips. "I want you to hear how much I love you." Winking at Sebastian, he smiled. "Besides, I wouldn't ruin an expensive violin on your silly head."

Sebastian chuckled and obediently sat down on the bench in his studio. Placing both hands on his lap, red eyes watched curiously as Ciel positioned his head on the chin rest and raised the bow to the strings. "You kept your promise, little lord." He smirked, crossing his arms. "I'll have you know my sister Mina is an accomplished musician. You're going to have to work hard to impress me."

Ciel raised an eyebrow, a mischievous glint in his blue eyes. "Did Mina ever play in Carnegie Hall at the age of nine?"

"No, but-" Sebastian argued back.

"Exactly." Ciel smugly cut in. "Now listen."

It took Sebastian a few beginning notes that spilled like warm liquid from the strings for him to recognize the composition; "Requiem for A Dream". His fingers gripped the material of his pants as a recent memory pushed itself back into Sebastian's mind . . .

He was sitting cross legged on the edge of Ciel's bed, the sound of a shower running in the background, the air arrested by the music tumbling from an iPod station. He had closed his eyes while listening to the agonizingly beautiful and heart wrenching symphony, a musical story of mankind's desperate struggle with life.

Frantic high pitched violins screamed in a fruitless search for peace; answers to unanswerable questions. Every night Sebastian was haunted by nightmares full of loneliness; spilling over with regret and confusion and the music pulled every fear to the light, exposing them to the reality of his situation.

Life is painful, memories were nightmares, love is a risk and being alone was the only defense against being hurt. That all made sense until now.

Sebastian opened his eyes and watched with fascination as Ciel's nimble fingers traveled effortlessly over the strings. His other hand steadily maneuvering the bow with expert ease, coaxing golden tinged notes from the instrument. It was heaven, pure blissful heaven. Ending the composition with a flourish and a short bow, Ciel breathed heavily from the exertion of the private mini concert he had just performed for his one man audience.

"Well?" He asked, fighting to regulate his breathing. "Did you enjoy it?" Silently rising from the bench, Sebastian strode over to him, cupping the small face in his hands before placing a slow, but chaste kiss upon his lips.

"I don't want to be alone anymore." He whispered, circling his thumbs against Ciel's cheeks. "I didn't think I was ever alone until I met you. Then I realized that if I couldn't see your face, hear your voice, touch your skin, listen to this music, if I couldn't do that anymore, then what purpose did I have? It's all meaningless now without you."

"I'm not leaving you." Ciel reassured, leaning up to kiss Sebastian's chin. "I promise."

* * *

"Why so quiet, love?" A voice whispered as long fingers swept softly against the student's cheek. Light kisses pressed against his jawline softly making Ciel blush. "Am I going too fast?" Sebastian could feel his butterfly trembling beneath his body, their heated skin pressed against each other. He felt intimidating, like a looming giant over his waif like love, apprehension marking each touch, each move, for fear of harming the delicate creature lovingly encased in his sinewy arms.

They had left the studio an hour ago, intent in arriving at Sebastian's place as soon as possible. The car ride was quiet but the message was clear, they wanted each other, now.

The apartment was actually an updated and quite spacious warehouse space in Manhattan's Hell's Kitchen area. Many artists resided in various areas of the warehouse that boasted cathedral ceilings, floor to ceiling wall to wall windows and plenty of space for moving about. The young student whistled as they entered the apartment, completely taken aback by the view of the city skyline at night, the moonlight glow washing over the simple black furniture and dark wood floors. Before he could compliment the scenery, Sebastian had stealthily led him to the bedroom, stripped him and himself of all clothing and proceeded to woo his virgin love.

Naked and vulnerable under the desirable older man was a dream come true; however, Ciel turned his head away; this was far more embarrassing than he cared to admit. "Am I going too slow? He murmured, squirming underneath. His eyes squeezed shut when lips grazed over his shoulder; tightening his grip on the bed sheets because everything Sebastian did felt so good.

Every sweep of the elegantly nimble fingers against the sensitive flesh of his inner thigh, every sharp nip of finely rowed white teeth around a hardened pink nipple, every languid lick from the base of his swan like neck trailed deliciously slow up to the space behind his ear, felt as a famished man would feel if given a banquet sized meal. Ciel was hungry for this feast of a man, who in turn was devouring him, mind, body and soul.

Petite hands held onto Sebastian's sides, hesitant and curious, wandering past the smooth dips of his waist, but fearful of crossing the border of his hip bone. Where to go? They seemed to ask, caught in a dead end of self-consciousness. He could move no further without his hands snapping back to the safety of Sebastian's rib cage.

"Are we being coy?" Sebastian teased, tracing the outline of one of the less than brave hands with his fingers. "It only serves to make me harder, pet."

"I-I'm not sure what I'm doing." Ciel admitted, clearly flustered at this point. "I . . . I'm afraid it's not going to be good for you."

"Why ever not?" He mused, smirking as he nibbled on the small collarbone.

Ciel frowned. "B-because, I've never . . . this is my first . . . you're my first everything." A low chuckle rumbled within Sebastian's chest, his hands snaking into the young man's bluish hair, affectionately scratching behind his ears.

"Ciel, I've never been in love." He whispered. "I've never made love to someone else. So this here, with you," his lips pressed gently against Ciel's, "is my first too."

Ciel searched his face for any hint of mockery; it was to be expected from the Englishman who lived each day with mirth and laughter playing at the end of every other sentence and phrase. Thankfully, he found none. In its place he saw a face full of concern, desire, and adoration. Red eyes that seemed only content when they were looking straight at him. Eyes that seemed to feed and be nourished by his very existence. A warmth curled itself like a large content cat within his chest and he could swear he felt it purring against his heart.

This must be what love feels like, he thought dreamily, coaxing his hands to venture further down the valleys of his lover's body. Ciel buried his nose into the crook of Sebastian's neck, inhaling deeply the scent of tea leaves and purple flowers; English countryside and hills of sweet heather. How could one person be so addicting? Feeling a bit braver, he parted his lips and sucked on a patch of damp skin, tasting the salty flesh for the first time in weeks. A growl of approval emanated from Sebastian who was busily suckling on Ciel's neck. He released his hold on his young lover's head and pushed his upper body up, arms flanking Ciel's shoulders below. A slow roll of his hips against Ciel's hard length sent a tremor of hot pleasure throughout the student's body and he moaned quietly as their slick rigid members ground against one another.

"Besides, sex is natural; we are all built for it." Sebastian informed, grinding their hips together again as if to prove his point.

"I-I know, but it's different." Ciel stammered, trying to control his breathing. "At least you've done these things." He pouted, scrunching his nose.

"Things?" Sebastian dropped his mouth open, taking on a look of mock hurt. "You call this precious moment between us . . . things?"

"Oh, God!" Ciel cried out, flinging his arms over his face in an attempt to cover the cherry blush of embarrassment. "You know what I mean!"

Sebastian bolted upright, sitting carefully on Ciel's pelvis with his arms crossed. Looking down at the stunned boy he frowned and shook his head. "I refuse to partake in any form of intercourse with a lad who cannot bring himself to name this dirty deed out loud."

"Are you serious?" Ciel gasped, eyes wide with disbelief. Laughing lowly, Sebastian lowered himself back to the warm embrace of his beloved boy. Circling his arms around his waist, Ciel pulled Sebastian closer, needing the comfort of his protective boyfriend to anchor his heart.

"Abso-bloody-lutely not." Sebastian smiled, kissing Ciel's chin. "But I want to hear you say it."

"Say what?" Blue eyes looked at him in confusion.

"Say it." He purred.

"Bastard." Ciel cursed.

"Cheeky brat." Sebastian smirked mischievously.

"Fine!" He snorted, grabbing Sebastian's face with both hands and shaking it back and forth. His voice high pitched in an exaggerated female voice. "Oh Sebastian! I want you to teach me how to make earth shattering sweet sexy love to you underneath the pale moonlight-" The rant cut off by a pair of moist lips pressed forcibly against his mouth.

He surrendered himself to Sebastian, opening himself like a tightly bound flower finally releasing into the cool night air. Their tongues rolled around their wet caverns, tasting, inhaling, exploring. Ciel closed his eyes and lost himself in the probing onslaught of his lover's kisses, every nerve in his body felt the reverence behind those sinful lips.

"I want you, Ciel." Sebastian whispered against reddened lips rubbed raw with desire. "I am yours, tell me what you want and give me your orders."

Ciel opened his eyes, his thoughts a hazy mess of lust injecting courage into his words. "Make love to me, Sebastian." He demanded, raising his hips to grind against his lover's aching need.

Sebastian let out a shaky breath and shivered with delight. "Yes, my Lord." He whispered, sealing their lips in another breathless kiss, tasting remnants of peanut butter, strawberries and chocolate. He smiled into the kiss, the comfort of his lover's lips against his own, breathing the same breath, drinking in each other's fluids, moaning into pants and gasps of passion drove him past all reason.

"I'm going to mark you." He grunted huskily, roughly sinking his teeth into the crook of Ciel's neck, slowly sucking the lily white skin until a purplish bruise pooled on the surface. He dragged his tongue across it, marveling at his handy work while Ciel whimpered and emitted sweet mewls of pleasure, droplets of sweat like tiny diamonds peppering his thin body. Sebastian felt a rush, a thrilling vibration roar through his body as his eyes scanned the delectable expanse of Ciel's slender physique; his hunger growing with each passing second.

"Open your eyes." He whispered, teeth nudging a perfectly round nipple into hardness. "I want you to watch me." Sebastian commanded before harshly nipping the rose bud and earning a throaty yelp from Ciel. "Let me see those ocean eyes I adore so much."

Black lashes uncurled, revealing twin orbs of sapphire lidded with desire. Sebastian caught their stare for a few seconds before snaking himself down Ciel's body so that his face hovered over the young man's glistening erection.

Ciel's breathing quickened as Sebastian grabbed his lean thighs and carefully spread his legs apart. He turned his head, cheeks aflame with shame at being so exposed. He felt so unbelievably open and vulnerable to the intense stare his boyfriend was giving his most intimate parts, his own member wet with his arousal.

"Um, Sebastian?" He whispered, struggling to close his legs. "What are you doing?"

Kneading the supple skin with his fingertips, Sebastian leaned down and began lapping Ciel's taut sack like a large cat thirsty for milk, drinking up the thick clear fluid dribbling down from the slit. Working his way up to the top of the sleek member, he placed heavy kisses on the underside of the smooth flesh, reveling in the bitter salty taste of his young love. Burying his nose into the downy nest of navy black pubic hair, he inhaled the dulcet scent of sex and skin sweetened by desire as his hands gently rubbed Ciel's inner thighs, keeping them wide apart.

The slate haired boy drew in sharp gasps of breath, his eyes bulging from the electric currents of heat raging through his body. He could barely focus on speaking, uttering only nonsensical words and babbling between groans and grunts. His body had never experienced this overload of generous gratification.

"Se-Sebastian!" Ciel cried, fingers gripping into the sheets as a hot mouth engulfed him in one swift move. "Ah! God!" His hips thrust up as he desperately tried to push the aching member further into his lover's throat. Sebastian's hollowed out his cheeks to deliver a hard suck as long fingers wrapped securely around the base.

Ciel whimpered as his cock was being surrounded by an intense heat and wetness unknown to his mind and body. It took everything within him not to look away in shame as Sebastian bobbed his ebony head between his thighs. There had been no hesitation as his lover had taken him whole; the ravenous glint in those red eyes telling Ciel that his naked body was a bountiful feast to the starving man before him.

Sebastian hummed in approval at the taste of Ciel on his palate, his own erection rock hard and dripping with pre-cum as he devoured the young man. His appetite for the student's body had been growing steadily ever since the day they accidentally met and had piqued when Ciel had disappeared for five days. He released the throbbing mass with a low wet pop and glanced up at Ciel, smirking at the sweating panting mess he had created.

Crawling up Ciel's shaking form; he encircled the petite waist with muscular arms, running the tip of his nose along the small chest. He sighed as he lightly kissed the panting lips, Ciel embracing Sebastian and drawing their bodies closer together.

"Are you ready?" Sebastian whispered, sucking on a plump lower lip.

Ciel nodded slowly, his body trembling with nervous anticipation as goose bumps littered the pale fields of his body. A thin sheen of perspiration covered his skin, the room having become unbearably hot as a strange coil of burning need nestled within his lower pelvis. Like a pile of glowing embers prompted by a lustful wind, the glowing infant fire grew brighter and brighter, threatening to rise into an all-consuming flame.

That's it, Ciel thought, the haziness of the moment turning him into melted ice. He's consuming me.

"Look at me." Sebastian ordered, gripping his face with one hand. "When I enter you I want to see your eyes." He explained lowly, tone filled with seduction and animalistic need. "I want to hear you call my name."

Ciel drew in a shuddering breath. "Please make me feel good." He pleaded quietly. "Please don't hurt me." The request had Sebastian releasing his face, gently stroking the porcelain cheek with his fingertips.

"I will never hurt you." He replied tenderly, placing a kiss on rose petal lips. "Do you trust me?"

Ciel's eyes narrowed. "Trust?"

"Do you trust me?" Sebastian repeated softly.

The ticking of a nearby clock echoed meekly throughout the darkened room as bluish white moonlight poured steadily against the large bed. All Ciel could do was stare into those warm red eyes and remember how this graceful giant of a man with the decadently velvet voice had pulled him from the brink of despair and madness. How one person had ignited within him a passion for life and had taught him how to laugh once again.

Trust?

"I trust you with my life." Ciel stated boldly. "With my heart, with my body, what a stupid question!" He scowled "Of course I trust you!"

That look, a devious voice squeaked in delight within Sebastian's mind, he's giving you that look!

Ciel swore he could feel Sebastian's rigid member throb against his thigh, anxiety rising within his chest at the thought. "Se-Sebastian!" He gasped, gripping the broad shoulders with shaking hands. "I-I'm scared. I'm-!"

"Breath, my love, breath." He soothed, stroking Ciel's face with the back of his fingers. "Look into my eyes." Smiling as Ciel obeyed and exhaled a shaky breath. "Tell me how much you love me."

"I-I do!" Ciel bit back a yelp when he felt warm fingers lightly caress his sack. "I think about you all the time. I . . . ah . . . I want you to touch me all the time . . . naaahhh!" He whined, spine curling in pleasure when Sebastian began stroking his aching want slowly with his free hand. If things kept up this way, Ciel would be cumming whether he wanted to or not.

"I love when you look at me . . . ha . . . I-I love you when you hold me . . . gahh!" A deep kiss silenced him as tongue rolled over each other, a chorus of moans, cries and hurried breaths filled the room in a sensuous symphony.

"Be still." A soft command was uttered that left Ciel frozen as he watched Sebastian maneuver his body halfway off him, his arm reaching towards the small nightstand beside the bed. He could see Sebastian opening the drawer and rummaging around as if searching for something.

What the hell is he looking for? Of all times, now, really? Ciel pouted inwardly, getting very, very annoyed.

"What are you doing now?" He asked irritably, frowning at Sebastian who was still rifling through his nightstand drawer.

"Yes!" He hissed, turning to face Ciel. "If you must know, I was looking for my cell." Sebastian grinned sweetly. "I just want to ring up my mum and tell her about the fit lad I'm about to shag."

"WHAT?!" Ciel screeched, eyes wide in horror.

"Relax!" Sebastian soothed, batting away Ciel's attempts to smack him about the head. "It's just lube! Lubrication!" he waved a black bottle in his hand.

Ciel stopped and raised an eyebrow. "Lube?" He questioned. "What for?" Sebastian stared at his blue eyed prize, it had never occurred to him that Ciel was not just a physical virgin, but a mental virgin as well. When it came to sex the young man really was innocent.

Oh my, he thought, I best be careful.

"Well, you need it for making the entry . . . less painful." He explained slowly as he applied a generous dollop of the warning liquid to his fingertips. "Do you understand?"

Ciel watched fascinated as Sebastian coated his long fingers in the clear sweet smelling liquid, hissing as some of it was poured on his own cock, the mixture feeling cold and hot against his skin. It was a newly wonderful sensation, making his length tingle and harden even more.

But what entry? He mused, Sebastian's fingers were thin so they wouldn't really hurt unless...

And then he realized what Sebastian meant.

"I'm scared! I'm scared! I'm scared!" He frantically cried, making a vain attempt at scooting up to the headboard and away from Sebastian, face pale with terror. How was THAT going to fit?

"Ciel! Love! I swear I'm going to go slow!" Sebastian pleaded, holding Ciel's hip with his clean hand and keeping the struggling body in place. "Trust me!"

Trust.

You saw me stumble into the abyss, a complete stranger drowning in panic, and you pulled me into the light.

"Ok". Ciel agreed warily, covering the comforting hand on his hip with his own. "Slow, right? You'll go slow." He repeated, chewing on his lip and glancing up shyly at Sebastian.

"Right." He replied, giving Ciel a look of assurance. "Truth be told, it stings a little at first." Pressing his lips next to the young man's ear, "but the pleasure which follows will leave you breathless." For the umpteenth time that evening, Ciel's face burnt bright red from his neck all the way to the tips of his ears. "Don't look away." Sebastian ordered, sliding his fingers between Ciel's pert mounds. "I want to see your eyes."

Oh God! Ciel thought, He's touching my-

"Sebastian!" He yelped, the sudden pressure of a slick finger being pushed into his virgin hole taking him by surprise, not to mention uncomfortable. "What the FUCK!"

"Calm down." Sebastian instructed. "Give it a moment, love." Scooting down he showered Ciel's body with languid kisses, nipping and licking every dip and curve. Ciel felt his body weaken with pleasure, limbs turning to jelly sparks of desire rolled through him in endless waves of pleasure; he wanted this.

"Sebastian." He managed to get out, breathing becoming ragged as another finger was added. Ciel fought to focus as the graceful dancer sucked on his hipbone and two fingers pulsated in and out of his entrance, stretching and massaging the tight muscles. He moaned as he felt another digit being pushed in and he suddenly realized that Sebastian was knuckle deep in his ass. "How did you . . .?" He began before he screamed loudly, back arching off the bed as a burst of white light blinded him. "God! Oh my God!"

It felt as if his entire body was being engulfed in a sweet intense heat. He could feel the blood pulsing under his skin, shooting throughout his veins at inhuman speeds. Ciel was sure that at any minute his heart would explode from his chest with pure desire, leaving him clutching his hair in an agony of pure rapture.

Blind. Mute. Hungry.

"More!" Ciel begged, his voice voracious with want. He clawed at Sebastian's back, aching to have more of the man on him. He longed for the physical contact with the sinful body performing new and unspeakable acts upon him.

For every push of God knows how many fingers Sebastian had slipped into him, he could feel a tight spot being fondled and toyed with, and for every stroke on that spot, Ciel could feel that burning cool being further and further ignited.

"Does it feel good?" A silky voice purred into Ciel's ear. Opening his eyes, his heart blossomed at the sight of Sebastian's handsome face.

"Yes." He panted, licking sweat from his upper lip. "I-it feels . . . amazing." To Ciel's dismay, the fingers were pulled out and a strange void seemed to fill his inner self. He groaned disapprovingly, but ceased when Sebastian placed his lips gently against his mouth.

"My beautiful boy." Sebastian whispered as he positioned his own dripping member in front of the well prepped orifice. Ciel gasped as a searing pain shot through his rear, an indescribable ache that could not house the proper words as he experienced the alien feeling of being completely filled, almost to overflowing.

Is it possible to live, die and then live again? Ciel thought, clenching his teeth and screwing his eyes shut while his body attempted to curl into itself.

"Ciel?" A soft voice called to him. The world was a hazy cloud of white, a throbbing pulse of pain, yet dangerously sweet. "Ciel . . . look at me." A sliver of blue appeared, curtained by ebony lashes heavy with tears. "How is it?" Sebastian's tone was tight with restraint. "Are you ok?"

"I-It feels g-good." Se stammered, sucking in a quick breath. "B-but it hurts!" Sebastian embraced his young love, cradling him in his arms while dotting his damp face with light kisses.

"You're so . . . fucking tight and hot!" He moaned into the sweet smelling blue hair. "I'm sorry if it hurts. It will get better, I swear." Ciel gave him a small pained smile, tears brimming in the corners of his eyes

"Go ahead." He ordered, trying to sound confident.

It wasn't long before Sebastian had worked himself slowly and carefully inch by inch into the snug space; every thrust, every snap of his hips producing some sort of delicious sound from Ciel. He pressed himself further in, mindful not to harm the young man as he deeply kissed and murmured tender words of apologies and encouragement in his ear. Lacing their fingers together and pinning Ciel's arms above his head, "Splendid." He breathed, voice husky with lust. "You feel . . . so damned good."

Bathed in darkness and moonlight, their bodies moved in synchronicity. Sebastian gave in steady, smooth thrusts and Ciel took the achingly pleasing motions. Moans and heavy breaths filled the room as sweaty fingers roamed and dug into heated skin. Sebastian cupped the back of Ciel's neck, his free hand trailing its tips lightly down the lean torso to wrap around his lover's weeping member. A low groan left Ciel's lips as he felt his need being stroked, the turgid flesh hot and skin tight; desperate for release.

"Mmmnnnaaaah, faster." Ciel begged, wrapping his legs around Sebastian's waist. "More, give me more." He breathed and gasped as his request was answered with deeper thrusts, the man grunting in delight at being able to pick up the pace.

Ciel whimpered, clutching Sebastian's back as the swollen head inside him rolled over his sweet spot, blinding pleasure shooting through him with each pass. He wanted more, more force, more sounds of moist skin against skin, more kisses, more of Sebastian, more of everything. He had realized that this life held no promises, there were no guarantees of what tomorrow would bring, but he knew without any doubt that he would not, could not, regret this moment.

"I love you!" Ciel gasped, passionately crashing their mouths together. He trembled from the delicious onslaught of sex and lust. "I love you so much!"

Sebastian pulled him closer, panting as he continued to pound into the lithe form beneath him. "I cannot tire of hearing your voice." He breathed, as he squeezed Ciel's length and stroking it faster. "Say it again, love."

A surprised yelp came from Ciel as he was lifted from the mattress and into Sebastian's lap. Blue eyes wide with shock as the new position let the heated cock slide in even deeper and slamming directly onto his prostate. Sebastian sat back on his heels while Ciel straddled him, kissing him fervently and growling.

"Say it again!" He ordered, biting Ciel's neck and sucking hard; reveling in the taste of salty skin wet with desire.

A strong arm pinned Ciel against him as Sebastian jerked his hips up rapidly, pounding into the tight hole and onto the abused bundle of nerves. He grunted as heat coiled in his stomach and Ciel wailed loudly in pleasure as he was being stimulated by Sebastian's hand fisting his length. He was going to explode at any moment; it was just too much and yet, not enough.

"I love you!" Ciel screamed, eyes rolling into the back of his head. "Seb . . . I'm goi-ahhhhhh, fuck!" He cried out, flinging his head back as he came hard all over their stomachs. His cries resonating throughout the high cathedral ceilings, urging Sebastian to find his own completion.

"Ciel! Oh Christ, Ciel!" He shouted as muscles clenched around his member, pushing him over the edge. Lips crashed ferociously onto a panting reddened mouth, forcing the trembling young man to swallow every howl of ecstasy. "Fuck me." Sebastian cursed, peppering light kisses onto Ciel's neck. "That was bloody amazing." The young man nodded, burying his face into a broad shoulder and sighing in contentment.

They stayed that way for a while, Sebastian cradling the small body in his arms, placing soft kisses and whispering sweet words to the young man he had just made love to. Listening to their breaths return to normal and hearts slow down to a regular pace, he slipped out of Ciel, laying him gently down on the bed before crawling next to him. Sebastian pulled the blankets up over them as he pulled Ciel's back flush with his chest. The student snuggling happily into the strong body, feeling safe and secure in the arms of the man he loved.

"Ciel?" He whispered into the back of a sweaty neck. Ciel hummed a reply, his eyes quickly closing as exhaustion from their physical love making was taking a toll and lulling him into sleep. "I love you, too." Sebastian held an apprehensive breath as he waited for a response, only to hear a soft snoring sound instead.

Chuckling, he placed one last kiss to the small shoulder before dropping his head to the pillow, a sudden wave of drowsiness washing over him as well. Shutting his eyes, Sebastian held Ciel close, one hand placed over the young man's chest where his heart was, the gentle thumping of it the last thing he felt before drifting off into a peaceful rest.

* * *

"Pardon me for my rudeness, but do you realize the fucking time?" Vanessa's voice was heavy with sleep and held a hint of malice as she blearily eyed her alarm clock while cradling her cell phone against her face. "It's 2:26 in the morning you crazy slave driving-"

"It's about Ciel." Dr. Spears's stern voice cut through Vanessa's clouded sleepiness, causing her to bolt upright in her bed, eyes wide with worry.

"W-what happened?" She rasped, twisting her fingers into her bed sheets. "Is Ciel ok?"

"Calm down." He ordered, shifting some paperwork on his desk. He had remained in the office studying the blood work and test results from Ciel's most recent visit. "I received some news from our head of hematology, Dr. Kadar. It's not promising."

Vanessa gulped. "And?"

"And I understand tomorrow you are not scheduled to work in the morning, but I need you in at 7 am." Spears sighed heavily. "You will be taking care of the paperwork for platelet transfusions; this will require some days in the hospital for Ciel."

Vanessa nodded. "Yes, of course I'll be there, sir." She said quietly. "You can count on me."

 


	25. Chapter 25

**_Greetings all you delectable skullzzzzzz!_ **

**_Oh my GERD! an early update!_ **

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**_Kudos to AnimeCujo for her fine editing skills and for cheering me up while I sweated like a whore in church these past couple of days...I had the flu, geesh people, there's smut in this chapter so you can save the dirty thoughts till then heehee._ **

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**_J/k about mom_**...

* * *

"Has he responded yet?" Vincent asked, peering over his copy of The New York Times; a cup of steaming hot black coffee held securely in his other hand. "It's 9am, where could he be?"

Rachel took a seat across from her husband, the small table was covered in medical files, contact information and insurance claims forms. The process to save their son's life had begun once again and it was the first time Vincent had ever taken the initiative to comb through the endless files filled with important information regarding Ciel's treatment. Rachel had always expected a signed check and the usual 'how's he feeling' from Vincent, but ever since her son had revealed to his family that his cancer had resurfaced, a new Vincent Phantomhive had emerged from the shadows of obscurity.

For the last couple of days Vincent had been relentless in his questions, keeping Rachel occupied with discussions about what their plan of action would be, how Ciel was going to be treated, where they would be staying in the city when Ciel needed them during his chemotherapy. It was as if Vincent had undergone a complete personal awakening; the husband she had loved so long ago was slowly emerging from the ashes of their once doomed marriage.

The true test, she thought bitterly, would be when Ciel became so sick that they would have to stay with him.

"He's a grown man, Vincent." Rachel reminded him gently. "He's either sleeping in or perhaps staying with . . ." she paused, choosing her words carefully, "Alois." Coughing slightly, she picked up a file and began thumbing through the documents.

"Spare me." Vincent muttered while sipping his coffee, his eyes not leaving her face. "If he's not home, he's probably with Sebastian."

Rolling her large blue eyes, Rachel chuckled. "They've only been dating for two months! I'm quite sure my little shy boy is nowhere near that part of a relationship."

"Little boy?" Vincent snorted. "You just said he was a grown man! And if he's anything like me, he's at that man's house!"

"Vincent!" Rachel cried, a hot blush grazing her cheeks. "He is not like you! He's timid! He has a delicate soul! My baby boy is not the hound his father was at that age." She frowned, recalling how amorous her husband had been when they had started dating so many years ago. "If he is with Sebastian the most they could be doing is holding hands and kissing!"

* * *

"Oh God! Harder, Sebastian! Hard-GAH!" Ciel begged, throwing his head back and mouth hanging open as he panted desperately for breath and gripped the bed sheets below him.

He was on all fours, trembling with uncontrollable pleasure as Sebastian gripped his slender waist while pounding into him from behind. Loud gasps and broken curses were emitted loudly from the older male as he thrust his engorged cock in and out of Ciel's stretched hole. Their moans and cries of passions pushing each of them forward, quickly reaching the edge of their release.

Eyes squeezed shut; Ciel felt the sweat from Sebastian's body dripping on his back from above. "Touch me!" He wailed, turning his head to look at his lover. "Please make me cum!" Sebastian slowly moved his hands down to rest on Ciel's supple mounds and squeezed the muscles gently, slowing to a more seductive pace.

"You want to cum, my pet?" He purred, bending forward to lay a deep kiss onto the parted rosebud lips of his blue eyed prize. His tongue pushed in, playfully exploring the moist cavern and Ciel responded eagerly, kissing back with force and nipping his boyfriend's bottom lip before gently sucking it.

"Make me cum." He growled, eyes lidded with unabashed lust. "Fuck me hard and make me cum!"

Red eyes widened with shock before being quickly followed by a libidinous grin. "You dirty little boy." Sebastian chortled, grabbing a fistful of bluish hair and yanking Ciel to an upright position. "I want to hear you scream my name!"

* * *

"It's 11:15 am and he still hasn't answered his home phone, his cell, nothing!" Vincent slammed his own house phone on its receiver and glared at his wife. "What if something's wrong? What if he's passed out, or . . . or . . . I don't know!" Running a shaking hand through his hair, a worried expression etched his handsome face, "This is so unlike him!"

Rachel pursed her lips, she tried to remain calm, but as the morning wore on she too was falling under a blanket of anxiety. Ciel was always within reach, just a phone call away. Where was he?

"I called Alois." She said quietly. "He's at the apartment now."

"And?" Vincent quickly asked.

"He's not there." She responded, pausing to check her cell for a missed call. "He could tell that Ciel had gone to the apartment to drop off his luggage, but the bed is made so Ciel . . ."

"Is most likely with that molester." Vincent grumbled, fiddling with his now cold cup of coffee.

"Really Vincent? Is that the best you could come up with?" Rachel fumed. "From what Ciel has told us, Sebastian is only five years older than him!"

"Right so when Ciel was 10, that man was 15!" He informed.

"You're being childish!" She shot back.

"Our son is sick and he's probably being manhandled by some experienced brute!" Vincent took a gulp of his lukewarm beverage and grimaced.

"I highly doubt that." Rachel stated reasonably. "Ciel has always been physically fragile. He would never place himself in a situation that could be potentially harmful."

* * *

"OW! Again! Please, Sebastian! Again!" Wanton screams and pleas echoed off the high ceiling and brick walls as the sharp sound of an open palm slapping against bare skin was accompanied by a chorus of tortured desire resonated throughout the spacious studio apartment. Sebastian had taken to spanking Ciel's plump bottom as punishment for his 'dirty mouth'; a reprimand Ciel was not arguing against.

"Do you like it when I smack your ass as I fuck it?" Sebastian growled hotly against Ciel's ear. "Tell me you fucking love it!" He hissed as another well placed smack followed his lusty words.

Panting hard, Ciel buried his face into the soft covers, his reddened rump securely held high in the air by Sebastian's strong hands. This was sensory overload, a hot wetness seemed to burn his insides with fiery excitement; a mixture of pleasure and pain had Ciel heated and craving for more. What surprised both of them was how quickly Ciel had taken to being tossed about the bed; his abused hole twitching to be filled, his slick member aching for more fondling, sucking, nipping, and anything else Sebastian could come up with.

"My blue eyed boy is quite randy today." Sebastian smirked, fisting Ciel's cock and stroking it slowly. "You're so fucking hard it hurts, doesn't it?"

Ciel lifted his head from the pillow, nodding desperately. "Sebastian!" He whined plaintively. "I'm begging you! Make me cum!" Long fingers squeezed the turgid flesh lightly, stroking in rhythm with his thrusts.

"Yes, My Lord." He grunted, pumping Ciel's need and circling the swollen head with his thumb, teasing the slit and spreading pre-cum all over. "After we're spent, I'm going to suck you off." He breathed, his hips pounding harder into his young lover's thighs. "Ciel . . . I lo . . . oh, Fuck!" Sebastian felt his euphoric orgasm crash over him like a sensuous wave, drowning in a sea of pleasure.

"I . . . I'm co-mmmannnnn!" Ciel cried, grinding his ass harder into his lover's cock. "Sebastian!" Arching his back, he felt a violent tremor rack his body, sending him into a deliriously wonderful realm of ecstasy. Ciel lowered himself onto the rumpled sheets, his frame shaking from the delicious physical exertion.

Slipping out carefully, Sebastian wrapped his arms around his boyfriend's waist and pulled him to his side on the bed. He placed a loving kiss on the side of Ciel's head; breathless and covered in cum and sweat. They locked eyes as twin smiles spread across their faces.

"You look spent, love." Sebastian chuckled, brushing some stray navy strands of hair away from Ciel's face. "I believe a shower and some lunch is in order." His hands wandered slowly down Ciel's slender back, resting comfortably on his pert backside.

"Lunch?" Ciel frowned, reaching over to the nightstand for his wrist watch. "What time is it?"

* * *

"12:55 pm!" Vincent roared into his phone rechecking his watch while Rachel rubbed her forehead in frustration. "Ciel Phantomhive, if you don't call your mother or me within the next hour I swear to God and everything I own on this earth that I will involve the police, the FBI, and if need be, GODDAMM HOMELAND SECURITY!" Slamming the phone down on the kitchen table, he glared at his wife who shook her head disapprovingly at her husband. "What?" He spat, sitting down in his chair and crossing his arms. "What are you shaking your head for?"

"Homeland Security?" She echoed, cocking an eyebrow at her husband. "What are you going to report? That Ciel has been captured by a gay terrorist?" Silence descended upon the kitchen.

"Why aren't you worried?" Vincent muttered tiredly, glancing at his wife. "Am I missing something here?"

Rachel pressed her fingers against her closed eyes and rubbed them slowly. This conversation was long overdue, she thought. The entire morning had been spent discussing Ciel, worrying about his whereabouts and current health situation. This was an alien concept for the blue eyed mother who had never relied upon her husband except for the financial support they needed to pay for their son's medical treatment.

"I'm not going to fight with you, Vincent." Her voice weary as she lowered her hands to look him in the face. "But we need to clear the air between us about what our life has been like for the past ten years." Nodding his head slowly, a look of defeated sadness passed over Vincent's face, he knew this was a long time coming. Tapping his fingers nervously against the smooth grey marble surface of their kitchen table, Vincent motioned for his wife to continue.

"Do you realize that this is the first time you and I have ever sat down to discuss Ciel's illness?" She reached for a folder and retrieved several forms, spreading them across the table. Pointing to each one, "You've signed each and every one of these bills and approvals for his treatments and therapy, including blood transfusions, yet you never came to an appointment, never sat with him during said treatments and never ever consoled me throughout this entire ordeal." Her soft voice lost its strength towards the end and she paused to regain her composure as she continued. "Vincent, the only reason I stayed with you was for your money. You may curse me, hate me, wish me whatever terrible fate you want, but I've endured this nightmare without complaint because Ciel deserves to live."

Rachel watched her husband carefully, noting the paleness that had suddenly washed over his handsome face. There were so many times when she could still feel the warm pull of love and desire for the man who had captured her heart when she was just a naive 18 year old girl making ends meet in a small town in upstate New York.

By some crazy chance, Vincent Phantomhive's car had broken down outside the diner she was waitressing at, her younger sister had dreams of being a doctor and Rachel went to school part time, working two jobs in order to earn money towards Angelina's education.

Times were hard for the small Durless family, but they were not short on pride so when the young and wealthy business prodigy locked eyes with the strong willed beauty with the sapphire eyes handing him a cup of coffee and a number to the local mechanic, it took two years of wooing and outright stalking before Rachel agreed to be his one and only. Vincent eventually paid for Angelina's medical school education, helped his wife through college and supported her charity work with the understanding that once they had children Rachel would become a full time stay at home mom. It was a blessed and idyllic life and once Ciel was born, it was perfection.

Then came the leukemia.

Ciel was only 9 years old when he had been diagnosed; Rachel had gone alone to the city's top oncologist, Dr. William Spears, and had endured the horror of being told that her beloved boy, the love of her life, was dying. Vincent was nowhere to be found; his dance of denial only just beginning.

"Do . . . do you still love me?" Vincent asked quietly, casting his eyes down to his fidgeting fingers. "I don't mean care; I mean . . . do you still love me?"

* * *

Golden beams of sunlight streamed through sheer black curtains that covered most of the rather large floor to ceiling French windows throughout the studio apartment, the sounds of bustling city life echoing faintly as Sebastian prepared a hot shower for Ciel.

"Do you love me?" He asked in a mouse like voice while chewing on his bottom lip nervously. Wrapped in a crisp white sheet Ciel stood in the brightly tiled and steamy bathroom, obsidian hair tousled and eyes hiding beneath his bangs.

A swell of adoration seemed to bloom within Sebastian's heart at the sight of his delicate blue butterfly. "Yes." He replied, holding out his hand and beckoning the now grinning boy to come into the bathroom. "More than my own life." Ciel slipped his small hand into Sebastian's larger one, marveling at the smooth strength as he was drawn into his boyfriend's comforting embrace. "Would his lordship allow a pauper like myself to wash his back?" Sebastian teased, playfully nipping his shoulder.

Humming contently, Ciel nodded and allowed himself to be led into the luxurious marble tiled shower. This stall is bigger that my kitchen, he thought. Hissing at the sudden spray of hot water against his skin, he groaned lowly and turned to face Sebastian under it. Noting his lovers admiring glances at his bathroom, Sebastian smirked. "How is it that the son of a multi millionaire lives in a small apartment when I know you could have had a posh flat on Central Park West?"

Ciel shook water from his eyes and sighed. "Easy answer," grabbing a bottle of shampoo, "I just wanted to be normal Ciel. Not a trust fund baby who lives in some fantasy world above the rest of society." He handed Sebastian the bottle and turned around. "Now wash my hair, peasant." A rumble of rich voiced laughter reverberated against the walls of the bathroom and Sebastian spun Ciel around, kissing him deeply, reveling in the feel of their wet warm skin pressed against one another.

"You amaze me." He admitted against the student's plump lips. "My beautiful boy, inside and out."

* * *

The air hung heavy between Vincent and Rachel, the solemnity of their conversation blanketing the mood with darkness and uncertainty.

"Love you?" Rachel felt a cold icy pressure against her chest. "Vincent, I-I don't know anymore." Her vision blurred with barely contained tears. "I just don't know anymore."

Vincent watched his wife crumple into herself, her head resting against crossed arms on the table as she was overcome by quiet sobs. He looked at the files strewn about, all detailing the history of their son's battle; chronicles of their diminishing marriage.

Chapters of Ciel's survival.

Tales of the suffering, the pain, the fears they had all endured.

And in the end, Vincent was nothing more than a minor character.

"Rachel?" He called to her, his voice strong yet pleading. "Rachel, hon, look at me." The sobs quieted down as a sniffling Rachel looked up from the table. "I'm sorry." He whispered, reaching forward to gently grab her hand. "I'm sorry for everything, for breaking promises and running scared. For losing you, for letting Ciel down over and over again." Rachel opened her mouth, but was silenced when Vincent abruptly stood up and pulled her from her seat into his arms. "However long it takes, I will win you back." He stated firmly. "I will fight alongside you and Ciel to save his life; to give our family another chance to live again. It's not going to be easy, but I'm not backing away, not anymore. If you still don't want me . . . I'll just have to work harder."

Rachel gasped in surprise at the sudden envelopment of her thin body within her husband's strong embrace. Inside she felt the stirrings of the comfort she used to have with him. The urge to pull away and deny his change of heart nagged at her conscience, but the desperate need to save Ciel won her over.

"Without you and Ciel, this all means nothing." He spoke in a quivering voice, his face hidden in her soft golden hair. "Now let's go fetch our wayward son before I call the police."

* * *

"Are you going to check your cell? It's been buzzing on and off for hours." Sebastian peered over the countertop of his modern styled kitchen, hands holding a stainless steel strainer filled with fresh vegetables. Lunch today was going to be grilled chicken over greens, but the incessant beeping and vibrating of Ciel's phone was driving the red eyed male insane. Ciel yawned and stretched his lean frame on couch, he waved his hand dismissively at Sebastian who in turn scowled.

"I'll check it in a couple of minutes." He drawled, snuggling deeper into the velour overstuffed pillows adorning the expensive couch. "I'm busy right now."

"Busy doing what?" Sebastian wiped his hand on a small towel after placing the chicken on the grilling pan. "Faffing around?"

Ciel sat up and stared at his lover. "Faff . . . what?" He laughed. "Speak American!"

"I refuse to lower my standards in language." He teased, grabbing two plates and a pair of forks and knives. "We'll be eating in ten minutes."

Ciel smiled. "I like the service here." Kneeling on the couch, he leaned over the back while resting his chin on his arms and watching Sebastian maneuver with expert ease around the open concept kitchen. "I like the idea of you serving me." He snickered deviously.

"I suppose you'll have me as your fag now?" Sebastian grabbed two water bottles and placed them on the table.

Ciel's jaw dropped. "Fag? FAG?!" He screeched, flailing his arms around like a wild man. "DID YOU JUST CALL YOURSELF A FAG?!"

Sebastian rolled his eyes. "Leave it to you Americans to ruin a perfectly good English term."

Stopping in mid rant, Ciel glared at him. "What fag are you talking about?"

"In private schools the new boys would be honored to serve as a slave to an upperclassman in return for tutoring and mentoring." Sebastian informed him. "As a matter of fact, since I'm the one mentoring you in the ways of sexual deviance," he pointed to Ciel with a devilish smile of his own, "you should be MY fag."

"I'm no one's fag." Ciel huffed, crossing his arms defiantly. "I don't care if it's America or the entire United Kingdom!"

"Of course, my little lord." Sebastian placed a hand over his heart and bowed regally to his pouting love. "I am the one who vows to serve you forever."

"Better be careful, Michaelis, or you'll spoil me too much I may never leave." Ciel winked, loving every minute of their banter. Sebastian turned back to the cutting board on the counter and finished chopping some carrots.

"Who said you were going to leave?" He grinned deviously at Ciel who quickly looked away blushing furiously.

"Don't joke like that." He mumbled.

Putting the knife down, Sebastian sauntered over to cup Ciel's cheek. Turning his face to meet his own, "I'm not joking." He spoke in a tone both serious and loving. "I'll give you a key, come and go as you please or stay every day and every night, long as you remain with me I'll be happy."

Ciel grabbed Sebastian's face in his hands and pulled him in for a long and sensuous kiss. "I can't move in with you right now." He replied, encircling his arms around his lover's neck, "but we can start with staying over each of our places. You give me a key and I'll give you a key. How does that sound?"

"Sounds brilliant." Sebastian agreed as he swept up Ciel bridal style off the couch and gathered the delicately framed boy in his arms. Ciel laughed loudly, swatting playfully at the ebony haired male.

"What the hell, Sebastian!" Ciel cried as he tickled his sides. "Stop! You're going to drop me!" Peals of laughter and snorts filled the apartment as Ciel fought to keep Sebastian from tickling him to near hysteria.

"Ah, my blue eyed prize, that's impossible!" Sebastian chuckled, heading towards the dining area where their lunch was waiting for them. "I'm never going to let you go!"

* * *

"I can't believe we're staking out our son's apartment in the middle of the afternoon." Rachel groaned, her head pressed against the palm of her hand as she leaned her arm against the car door. "How stupid, I can't believe you actually talked me into this." Turning her head to face her husband, she knitted her brows. "And for God's sake! Would you please take off those inane sunglasses! It started snowing an hour ago."

At 3:30pm, Vincent and Rachel Phantomhive had officially lost their patience and were currently parked across the street from Ciel's apartment building hoping to see their missing son. To their horror, all texts and messages to Ciel had gone unanswered.

"Fine, fine." Vincent grumbled, snatching the glasses off his face and hurling them onto the back seat of their car. "I should have activated the GPS tracker on his cell." He mused, eyes darting around as every passing car was scrutinized.

"Once again, may I remind you that he is almost 21 years old." Rachel chided, taking a sip of her latte and sighing deeply. "I suppose this means he's officially a man now."

"God Rachel, must we talk about this?" Vincent put his face into his hands. "I'm trying to cope with it, but baby steps dear, baby steps."

Rachel laughed lightly and patted her husband's leg. "Well, at least we don't have to worry about Ciel getting anyone pregnant." Vincent stared dumbfounded at his wife.

* * *

Sebastian plopped himself next to Ciel on the couch and snatched the wide screen TV remote from his hands. "Off with the telly." e announced, clicking the off button.

"Hey! I want to watch TV!" Ciel protested, reaching out to retrieve the remote from Sebastian. "SpongeBob is on!" Rolling his eyes, Sebastian pushed the young man's hands away.

"You seriously just said that and expect me not to tease you?" He smiled, jabbing his fingers into his lover's side.

"Ow! Stop!" Ciel yelped, huffing in annoyance and throwing his boyfriend his best glare. "Don't you ever want to just hang out and do nothing at all? Just sit on the couch in your pjs and watch cartoons?"

Sebastian chuckled. "Yes, when I was 6 years old. At 25 I have more entertaining activities in mind." Winking at his beloved.

"Oh? Like what?" Wrapping his arms around Sebastian's neck, Ciel pressed a kiss on his chin. "Sipping tea and playing cricket?" He mocked in an over the top English accent.

"Stripping." Sebastian stated matter of factly.

"Eh?" Ciel voiced.

Producing a smaller remote from his pocket, Sebastian pointed the device towards a state of the art sound system and pressed a button. Suddenly the sound of Justin Timberlakes's "Sexyback" filled the air.

Ciel shot Sebastian a look of utter mortification. "You wouldn't dare . . ."

He smirked and stood, stepping away from the couch, eyes never leaving Ciel's. As the music filled the room, he slowly slid one hand down the front of his pants, lewdly stroking his clothed cock while the other hand swept back his hair from his face while rolling his pelvis forward to the beat.

Slipping off the trousers down his body to reveal toned thighs, the garment came to pool around his long legs. Sebastian easily stepped out of them, smirking as he playfully snapped the waistband of his black briefs. Ciel gulped audibly at the sight.

"Like what you see, love?" He teased, tongue licking his lips as red eyes watch his shocked lover only a few feet away.

Ciel's eyes went wide as saucers, his heartbeat thumping painfully against his chest as he watched the masculine perfection of his lover's body lower itself to the floor.

Heat began to curl in between Ciel's legs as he watched Sebastian on all floor slink his way towards him, his red eyes staring with an unveiled intensity that Ciel could not look away from. Sebastian was like a provocative predator, stalking his prey with sexual intent.

"Are you ready for me?" He purred, pushing his head between Ciel's knees and parting the trembling legs. A hot breath ghosted over the student's straining arousal, a low whimper slipping past the plump lips. Ciel panted as Sebastian nuzzled his length with his nose, inhaling deeply and signing happily at the musky scent.

Long fingers gripped the small thighs as the dancer slid himself up the front of his lover's body, the tip of his nose running along the clothed torso and chest before stopping to stare into the lusty blue eyes. Ciel almost jumped out of his seat as Sebastian whirled around, his toned rump now positioned in the young man's lap.

A sharp intake if breath was all Ciel could do before Sebastian leaned flush back against Ciel's chest, grinding his ass into the now hardening member and moving in time with the music. Ciel buried his nose in Sebastian's damp hair, inhaling the intoxicating scent of the erotic dancer, a low moan leaving his lips as he closed his eyes and reached around the front to touch Sebastian's chest.

He did not expect the sharp pain of the slap on his hand.

"Sebastian! What the hell?!" He cried, wiggling his fingers from the harsh treatment.

Sebastian turned his head, cocking an eyebrow. "Hands to yourself." He smirked. "I'm a working man and I demand respect at my place of occupation."

"Asshole." Ciel cursed under his breath.

"And check that damned phone." Sebastian ordered, standing quickly and grabbing his pants from the floor before shutting off the music with the remote. "It's buzzing is driving me mad!"

Ciel scowled and reached for his cell, hungrily checking out his boyfriend's beautiful physique as he walked into the kitchen. Sighing loudly he tapped his phone and opened the screen.

Five minutes later Ciel lost his mind.

"HOLY SHIT!" He cried out.

Sebastian nearly dropped the plates he was washing in the sink when he heard Ciel yell from across the room. Drying his hands quickly, he raced to the living room area and found Ciel sitting on the couch again with his cell in his hand. His face deathly pale and blue eyes wide with fear.

"Cor Bliney! Ciel what's wrong?" He demanded, face etched with concern.

Ciel looked up shaking his head. "I have 25 missed calls, 18 texts and the craziest 13 voicemails my parents could have ever freaking come up with!" Waving the phone in the air frantically. "My dad's ready to call Homeland Security!"

Sebastian frowned. "Don't they catch terrorists?"

"I have to go home!" Ciel jumped up from the couch and began to hurriedly gather his belongings. "I just know they're waiting for me at my place." He stopped to glance at a perplexed Sebastian. "My father is the Godparent to the only granddaughter of New York City's Police Commissioner."

"I'll drive you home straight away, put on your shoes NOW!" Sebastian stated as he grabbed his coat.

 


	26. Chapter 26

_**Greetings all you beautiful awesome yummy and splendid Candy Skullzzzzzz!** _

_**Thank you for the time and care you all take in reading my story and writing reviews that inzpire me to no end.** _

_**This lovely child of mine is growing into a much bigger story than i had originally planned and honestly I'm kind of terrified and yet euphoric at the same time.** _

_**READ! ENJOY! REVIEW!** _

_**THANK YOU!** _

_**And props to AnimeCujo for editing and advising oxo**_ x

* * *

"Oh God! Please, please, please don't be at my apartment!" Ciel pleaded into his folded hands, eyes screwed shut as his left leg bounced up and down with nervousness.

Tuesday late afternoon traffic had proved to be a bit congested and what should have been a relatively short ride seemed to be taking forever. They were on their way to Ciel's apartment after having spent the entire day enjoying each other's company and activities, but the light hearted romantic mood from earlier had taken a sudden turn into full blown anxiety. The numerous voicemails from an infuriated Vincent had definitely put a damper on their revelries.

"I don't see why you don't just ring up your father." Sebastian soothed, glancing sideways at his obviously tense boyfriend. "Perhaps it would help ease the old man . . ."

"No,no,no,no,no!" Ciel shook his head furiously. "You don't understand! He legit sounded pissed!"

"Drinking in the middle of the day? Sounds like my type of man." He chuckled lightly.

"No! Pissed as in unreasonably angry!" Ciel yelled in exasperation. "I've never heard him like that!"

Long fingers drummed the steering wheel, the situation further confusing the older male. "And what was he havering on about? Are they the overprotective sort?"

"I'm their only kid." He sighed heavily, rubbing his temples with his fingertips. The threat of a headache loomed over him and more often than not a nosebleed would follow. There was just no way he could possibly explain that right now; counting himself lucky that the hormone sprays had helped diminish most of his bruises, but the occasional nosebleed was still a disastrous event.

Willing himself to calm down, he took a deep breath and unclenched his jaw. "I've never ever gone this long without responding to a text or returning a call. I can't blame them if they think I've been in an accident or as ridiculous as it sounds; kidnapped." Ciel groaned dramatically.

Sebastian snorted. "If they only knew how you spent your night having your innocence filched and your day having a hump with a fit bloke." Ciel's audible gasp making him laugh. Releasing his right hand from the wheel, he reached over and gently scratched behind his boyfriend's ear earning a soft purr from the blushing young man. "It's not as if I could be thrown into her Majesty's pleasures by your father, right?"

"Her Majesty's pleasures?" Ciel's face looking utterly confused.

"Prison." Sebastian informed.

"Ahhhhhh," Ciel replied, chewing on his bottom lip as he glanced warily at the Englishman. "Um, you are here legally, right?" Without warning Sebastian swatted the blue haired boy smartly across the back of his head.

"Yes! Yes I am! Are you daft? How could I own a successful business if I wasn't legal, you cheeky brat!" He practically shouted.

"Ugh, fine I'm sorry!" Ciel scowled, rubbing his head. "When we get to my building just drop me off, but please don't get out of the car. I'm not ready for you to meet my parents just yet." Grabbing Sebastian's hand and squeezing it tightly, "Especially with them being in a possibly bad mood."

Nodding his head, Sebastian slowed the car and stopped at a red light. Seizing the opportunity, he leaned towards Ciel and grasped the back of his head, drawing him into a deep kiss.

"Do they want to meet me?" He whispered after they broke contact. "Is this going to be an issue with us?" A look of worry settling onto his face Ciel shook his head, lips still tingling from the amorous kiss.

"No, my parents want you to come over to their house for my birthday brunch. Actually it was my dad who suggested it." He reassured, watching Sebastian's face light up at the invitation. Stepping on the gas as the light turned green, the car lurching forward.

"Birthday brunch?" He asked, a note of surprise and amusement evident in his voice. "When is your birthday?"

"December 14th. It's a Friday night, but since I'm turning 21 they decided to do a Sunday brunch, you know, so I could use Saturday to get over whatever hangover they think I'm going to get from Friday." Ciel laughed, his mood lightening up a bit.

It seemed as if the more time he spent with Sebastian, the less the feelings of dread and anxiety were present. It had been more than a month since his last panic attack and aside from their vicious verbal attack against each other Monday night, he always felt safe, protected, adored and loved around the ebony haired dancer.

"Brilliant." Sebastian's silky voice broke his thoughts, "but I'm taking you out to dinner on your birthday so you'll be getting half pissed with me."

"Really?" A broad smile meeting the older male's obvious leer. "That's your plan?"

"Only half." Sebastian assured, a stealthy hand snaking its way between Ciel's thighs and resting firmly on his crotch. "I also plan on ravaging your lordship's treasures until the early morning." Grinning deviously, he stroked the hardening mound, pleased with the flushed cheeks and rapid breathing Ciel had been overcome with.

Ciel huffed. "Seriously?" Glancing at the lessening traffic as he smacked at the eager hand. "You're such a big fat pervert." He mumbled, noticing they were now about two minutes away from arriving at his apartment building and, hopefully not, his parents.

"You love it." He snickered. "Don't play the innocent, and by the way . . ." Ciel yelped as his hand was suddenly wrenched from his lap and placed directly on Sebastian's very obvious erection. "I'm big. I'm a pervert. But I'm not fat."

"Fine!" Ciel agreed loudly, retracting his hand as they turned the corner and headed onto his block. The last thing he needed was his parents catching him getting felt up by his boyfriend and vice versa. "Well? Are you going to come to my birthday brunch or what?"

"If by, or what, you mean shagging you rotten for 12 more hours . . ." He chuckled.

"Sebastian!" A cute pout forming on Ciel's lips and earning him a low growl. "Stop playing around! I'm serious!"

"Yes, my lord." Lacing his long fingers through Ciel's petite hand he brought it up to his face and placed tender kisses along the row of small knuckles. "I will attend your birthday brunch."

"Really?"

"Yes, really."

"Cool." Ciel smiled widely. "I'll let them know." Sapphire eyes darted everywhere in search of one of his father's cars, a strange mix of nervousness and excitement filling his chest. The promise of clearing the air (he would tell him the truth before the brunch) and having Sebastian as a part of his family finally filled his heart to bursting.

Impulsiveness overwhelmed the joyous young man and he waited impatiently as Sebastian parked the car in front of the building entrance before he threw his arms around his neck and planted a deep searing kiss against his delicious lips.

* * *

"Good God!" Rachel looked up from her magazine at the sound of her husband's exclamation; his eyes were wide as saucers. The way he kept flapping his mouth open and closed like a gasping fish would have been comical if she hadn't turned her head to see what had caught his eye.

"Ciel . . ." She whispered, clutching her husband's hand.

They were parked directly in front and across the street from their son's building, giving them a prime view of the passionate kiss Ciel was sharing with a black haired man in an expensive sports car. The student had not noticed his parents because just the day before, Vincent had picked up his new Audi; Ciel had completely missed seeing them.

"I'm going to kill him!" Vincent fumed, his face bright red. "Here we are worrying ourselves to death and he was out gallivanting around, doing God knows what with, with . . . " He sputtered, shaking his finger towards their direction, "with that man!"

"Vincent!" Rachel hissed, tone stern. She wasn't going to allow this situation to get out of hand. "Our son is in a relationship." Vincent gave his wife an incredulous look.

"Really? What a shock, Rachel!" He spat.

Ignoring his sarcasm, the blue eyed woman shook her head. "I never thought until three years ago that Ciel would live long enough to experience love. I never thought he would have the opportunity to kiss someone or be kissed; even when he was recovering I had doubts of whether he would be socially capable of meeting anyone." Her voice hitched, pressing her lips in a thin line as she blinked away tears, willing herself to remain composed even though her heart was swelling from the onslaught of emotions. "Doesn't he look happy, Vincent?" She asked, tilting her head slightly to offer a pleading look. "Doesn't he deserve this much?" Vincent sighed, he knew she was right.

"He does deserve that, and so much more." He nodded sadly, watching the tears collect and fall silently down his wife's smooth cheeks.

Ciel had been blessed with her large expressive eyes, all knowing and aware of everything around them. While people often complimented Ciel's strikingly good looks, pointing out how he was his father's son, Vincent was thankful that his boy had inherited those ocean eyes full of wonderment and strength. They were full of honesty and integrity, something Vincent felt he himself had been lacking for the past 10 years. How does one rectify the sins of the past?

Lifting a tentative hand to his wife's face, he carefully wiped a tear from her cheek. Rachel leaned slightly into the palm of his hand, marveling at the warmth emanating from his skin. When was the last time she had felt his touch? Rachel shook her head as if to clear it and gave him a small smile; she turned her attention back to her son and Sebastian.

They were done with their amorous kiss now and she could see how Ciel was enamored by the much taller male and, in turn, Sebastian had her son's face in his hands, cradling it as if it were made of delicate porcelain. Obviously they couldn't hear the conversation between the two men, but you didn't need to be a professional lip reader to know what he was saying. It was clear as day what the slate haired boy whispered to his beloved; I love you.

From the wide smile on his face she could tell Sebastian had responded in kind. What more could a mother want? She thought as her heart pounded against her chest. My son is in love. He's in love

"Rachel." Vincent's voice cut through her thoughts, drawing her back into the situation. "Ciel is looking at us."

And so he was, a pair of shocked deep blue eyes locked onto his mothers. The words "Oh shit!" mouthed slowly. Sebastian quickly turned to see what had caught Ciel's attention and was met with surprised stares.

"Oh my God, he's gorgeous!" Rachel stated, turning her head quickly to face her husband. "Do you see him? He's . . ."

"I'm not commenting on that." Vincent replied curtly, a frown settling on his brows. "And close your mouth. The drooling is unbecoming." Rachel giggled nervously and turned to get another look at Sebastian. He was still looking at them, a smirk resting on his face and he took a moment to nod at Vincent and then threw a wink at Rachel; her cheeks erupting in fiery red.

"Ah, I see where you inherited that lovely blush." Sebastian chuckled, pulling Ciel into his arms for one last hug. "They look charming. I'm looking forward to properly meeting them." He kissed Ciel's crown. "Do you want to sleep at my place tonight? I can pick you up around 9."

"Um, sure." Ciel blushed hotly, burying his face into Sebastian's shoulder. How could not have noticed his parents? He thought frantically. They saw me kissing Sebastian!

"I've gotta go, I'll see you tonight. Bye!" Ciel waved at Sebastian to go before darting out of the vehicle. He could see his parents getting ready to exit the Audi and this was not the time for them to meet his new boyfriend.

No, not now. Not yet.

Sebastian blew him a kiss and sped off, the engine of his sports car echoing down the block. Ciel drew a deep breath and sighed, large clouds of vaporous white escaping into the air; if it had not been snowing he would probably be doing cartwheels down the block.

"Ciel Phantomhive! Where the HELL have you been?!" He cringed at the angry bellow that was his father.

Oh, right, Ciel thought, my parents are pissed at me.

"Ciel! Where have you been?" Rachel rushed into her son's arms, hugging him tightly. "You had us so worried! Why haven't you answered any of our messages?"

"I have a good idea why." Vincent grumbled, shoving his hands into his jacket pockets.

"When did you get a new car?" Ciel quickly asked, hoping to change the subject.

"Don't avoid the question, young man." Rachel chided. "And Vincent, no snarky remarks."

"Fine! Let's go inside before Ciel gets sick." Vincent caught sight of his son shivering. "What were you thinking wearing such a thin jacket in December?" He tugged at the sleeve of Ciel's light outerwear.

"Dad stop nagging me!" Ciel whined loudly, fishing his keys from his pocket as they headed to the building entrance.

"And show some proprietary!" Vincent admonished. "Man or woman, you shouldn't be exercising displays of affection on public! We have a name to uphold." He instructed like a school teacher.

"Dad! We were in the car!" Ciel argued.

"People were staring!" Vincent informed.

"I don't care!" He whined, rolling his eyes.

"Well start caring! You're a grown man! Not some love struck 15 year old." He ordered firmly.

"Then don't nag me like I'm a love struck 15 year old!" Ciel barked back.

"Then don't act like one!" Vincent stated logically.

"DAD!" The whine echoing throughout the halls.

Rachel stared at her men in silent disbelief, was this really happening? She mused. In all her years watching the distance between Ciel and his father grow wider and wider, she had never witnessed something so normal between them. The annoying old fashioned father and the rebellious adult son trying to assert himself.

"I'm so happy." She whispered, ascending the stairs behind the bickering duo.

* * *

A pair of sky blue eyes watched the threesome enter the building, the snow had become thicker and the air had turned icy, but the owner of said eyes stayed rooted to their spot outside of the cafe across the street.

Alois was not happy.

It had been a full week since he last saw his friend and school project partner and his patience had all, but run out. Well aware of Ciel's deadly secret, Alois fumed over not being told by his best friend and being left in the dark over their school photography project. A buzzing sound vibrated from within his coat pocket, grabbing his cell he checked the caller ID; it was Claude.

"'ello, love." Claude chirped. "How's my little bird?"

"Just fucking peachy." Alois snarled, staring at the building entrance.

"Ah, who's got your knickers in a twist?" Claude chuckled. "Is it that vagabond friend of yours?"

Alois tsked. "We have a massive assignment due before the end of December and he decides now is the time to ignore me! I mean, what the fuck?!"

"Take a moment, breathe. I'm much aggrieved for you." Claude soothed. "But remember, he is your mate, so let him explain himself first."

"Whatever." He grumbled, shuffling his feet in the snow. "Why must you always be the adult here?"

"One can't question perfection." Claude yawned. "Now stop dithering and move on, I'm picking you up in an hour and a half. I need my fill of you and I plan on collecting tonight." Crimson blotches rose across Alois's cheeks and neck.

"You better." He purred into the phone and hung up.

* * *

"Does anyone want some tea?" Ciel grabbed the tin container from his countertop and placed a small saucepan filled with water on the stove.

"Oh Ciel! Where did you purchase this?" Rachel inquired, her eyes alit with delight as she reached for the tin of loose tea leaves. "Harrods's Earl Grey No. 42! I know you love your tea, but you can only get this at the London store!"

Ciel felt the heat rise on his face and he laughed nervously. "It was a gift from Sebastian." He smiled.

Rachel glanced at her son, placing the tin close to her nose she inhaled deeply. "What a delicious smell! How kind of him to give you such a lovely present. What was the occasion?"

Ciel shrugged. "No occasion," removing mugs from the cupboard he took the tin from her hands. "Just because."

Rachel hummed. "Just because you're special." She winked.

"Ugh mom, don't be embarrassing!" He complained, eyes rolling.

"Don't say that to your mother." Vincent called from the living room. "She's on a roll today with her inappropriate remarks! God forbid we should stop her now!"

"You're both hopeless!" Rachel threw up her hands in exasperation. "I'm just making life observations." Ciel threw his arms around his mother's neck and hugged her tightly.

For once they were treating him like a normal son, not a patient, not a broken piece of human machinery, a wounded animal; they were treating him like Ciel, normal everyday Ciel. This was better than expected, his parents were acting like normal couple today.

Rachel hugged back and rested her head on his thin shoulder. "Are you happy with him?"

Ciel closed his eyes. "Mom, I love him, I love him so much." He breathed.

Rachel's fingers pressed gently into his arms. "And how does he feel about you?"

Pulling away slowly, Ciel gazed into his mother's face. "He loves me. He told me he loves me more than his own life."

A flutter of emotions flew through Rachel's chest; it felt like a million butterflies had been set loose within her very body. Light airy whispers of joy, hope and gratitude, things weren't so bleak after all? Not when you had your son practically glowing and melting before your eyes under the influence of a first love.

"Yes, well they're all on their best behavior the first four months and then Bam! The relationship honeymoon is over!" Ciel and Rachel turned slowly to glare at Vincent who was leaning against the frame of the kitchen entry way. "Just look at your cousin Eddie." He pointed out. "He doted on that poor fiancé like she was God's gift to mankind and within a couple of months he was back on his Xbox Live until 4 am!"

Rachel shook her head. "Ever the romantic. And yet Paula found enough worth within our dear Eddie to become engaged with him . . . "

"And it only took that poor girl two years and a threat to get him to act like an adult!" Vincent countered.

"Uh, hello people!" Ciel interjected, waving at his parents. "Number one, Sebastian is a 25 year adult and number two, we are as far away from talking about marriage as we could possibly be so can we just calm down a bit?" He paused, giving them both an amused smile. "You two are acting like, seriously embarrassing."

"We were worried!" Vincent's eyes darkened as he recalled their day long frantic search for their son "How could you ignore your cell for so many hours? What if Dr. Spears needed to get in touch with you?"

The bright energy that had flowed from Ciel's body seemed to ebb away as a dense cloud of reality rolled over him. Not once, since last night had he thought about his condition and now it was there, standing menacingly in the room ready to step forward and suffocate him again.

Rachel noticed the change in Ciel's face. "Ciel." She said softly, placing a gentle hand on his arm. He was facing the steaming pot with his head bowed. "Does Sebastian know?" She felt a fine tremble pass through her son's body; he was nervous, she could tell, and the fact that he wouldn't look at her gave her the answer she feared.

"Ciel." She shook her head, squeezing his arm and pulling him around to face her. "When do you plan on telling him?"

Large blue eyes looked up quickly. "I planned on telling him before my birthday brunch."

"He's coming?" Vincent asked with a hint of surprise. "He's really going to come?"

"Yes! I asked him today and he's really looking forward to meeting you guys." Ciel turned back to the tea, carefully measuring the loose sweet smelling leaves into the strainer and pouring the heated water into a bone white tea kettle. The air suddenly infused with the rich aromas of the black tea, fragrant and floral, earthy and warm.

"We need to sit down and discuss a couple of things with you." Rachel stroked a few stray bangs away from Ciel's eyes. "You have an appointment with Dr. Spears tomorrow morning at 9 am and there are several concerns we have as far as how you're taking care of yourself."

Ciel rolled his eyes. "Can't this wait. Mom?"

"Absolutely not!" Vincent cut in. "It's been almost two months since your diagnosis and you haven't had any treatments! This has to be handled now!"

"Let's sit with our tea and calmly talk about what this week will entail, ok sweetie?" Rachel reasoned, taking two mugs and turning to leave the kitchen. Unable to look at his father, Ciel grabbed his own mug and shuffled passed Vincent who kept a stern eye on him.

This was going to be a long afternoon, Ciel thought unhappily.

* * *

The sound of boots crunching into newly fallen snow reverberated throughout the quiet air of Central Park. Sebastian admired the dark beauty of the rows of black skeletal trees framed by pure white snow aligning the park's pathways. He had decided to take a stroll before heading towards the dance studio, it was 4:30 pm and he wanted to clear his head before his next appointment.

The smell of Ciel was still clinging to his skin and he couldn't get enough of it. A heady feeling of euphoria and love had him almost dizzy with happiness. How long had it been since he felt so alive? Turning a corner he stopped suddenly when a flash of red caught his eyes.

Sitting quietly on a park bench was a small girl with a mass of shiny black hair cascading down her shoulders. A smart red cap matching her wool red cost and bright red snow boots caused her to stand out brilliantly among the black and white background, she looked like a scarlet Ibis perched patiently awaiting to fly.

The first time he and Ciel had ever kissed was after spotting the child during a warm autumn afternoon. Her presence was pregnant with loneliness, obviously ignored by her caretaker as she sat dismally watching the pigeons peck at discarded crumbs of bread at her feet. Glancing about, Sebastian caught sight of the nanny standing a few feet away talking rapidly into her cellphone.

Occupied as usual, Sebastian thought bitterly.

At the sound of approaching footsteps, the young girl looked up and a bright smile of recognition broke across her face. "Hi!" She squeaked cutely. "Where's your friend ?"

Almond shaped brown eyes blinked curiously.

Sebastian chuckled. "Your friend? Do you actually remember me?"

She nodded quickly. "Yes! You were with your friend, with blue eyes who takes pictures of pretty things! Where is he?"

Sebastian smiled warmly. "He's with his parents, but I'll make sure to tell him you said hello."

"Tell him that Rose said hi!" She rubbed her nose with a red mittened hand.

"Rose, what a lovely name." Sebastian bowed slightly to the whimsical child. "I must take my leave, but one question, do you like coming here every day?"

"I'm like Rose Red but I look like Snow White!" She piped cheerfully as she swung her tiny legs; so small still that they barely touched the ground.

Rose glanced towards her still chattering nanny and shrugged. "Everyone is busy, she's always busy." Her dark eyes took on Sebastian's. "It doesn't really matter, but I like the trees anytime of the year. They never leave, they always stay here for me." She pointed to the trees "See? Those trees get pretty all the time, they change all year, but they stay here for me so I don't feel alone when I'm here."

Sebastian sighed. "Everyone leaves, Rose."

A frown settled on her small heart shaped face. "Not things you love, they don't ever leave." A cool feeling rushed through Sebastian's body at the sound of her words.

"Ah, the folly of youth, my little Rose." Sebastian whispered as he waved goodbye and continued down the snowy path; heaviness following him like a wounded dog.

* * *

"Alright, so we are clear." Rachel tapped on her notepad as she sat back on the couch. "Ciel will be at the office 9 am tomorrow morning; on Thursday we will go to the treatment center after his CBC results and council with the Head of Hematology."

"Dr. Kadar, right?" Vincent sipped his tea. "He's the only one we will deal with."

Rachel nodded. "Yes, yes, we've got him. Ciel?" She placed her hand on his knee as he drank. "You've been so quiet, please tell us how you feel. I know this is overwhelming right now, but you have us here. Trouble us with whatever you may be feeling."

Ciel looked up from his mug, his eyes dark with concern. "When will the transplants begin? And the chemo?"

"We'll know more after the CBCs." Vincent replied, shrugging his shoulders. "Who knows? Perhaps your counts will be higher than expected!"

Ciel chuckled. "I highly doubt it, not with the bruising and nosebleeds . . ." A sudden rapping on the front door brought all of their attention away from the papers and medical files on the coffee table. "I'll get it." Ciel informed, rising from his seat and hurriedly reaching the door.

"Alois!" He gasped, eyes fixing on the murderous glare frozen on his blonde friend's face. "H-hey, ther-"

"You piece of shit!" Alois spat, shaking from controlled rage. "Where the fuck have you been?!"

Rachel stood from the couch. "Alois! Is that you?"

"Hello, Mrs. Phantomhive!" Pushing past a shocked Ciel, Alois bounded into the apartment and headed straight into the waiting arms of a smiling Rachel. "It's been a long time since I last saw you!" He cried happily, noticing Vincent still seated on the couch he flung himself next to the older gentleman. "Mr. Phantomhive! What the heck are you doing here?" He asked brightly.

He is a classic bipolar. Ciel thought, shaking his head in disbelief.

Vincent frowned at the young man seated uncomfortably close to him. "Eh? What do you mean why I'm here? I'm visiting my son!" Alois chuckled and patted Vincent's leg.

"I'm just teasing, listen are you guys done with this vagrant? He's been neglecting our school project and me as well" Ciel shot him a look in hopes to silence his blabbering friend, but it was too late.

"Ciel!" Rachel cried, gathering the folders and files on the table. "How could you become so neglectful of your education?"

"And at the same time drag your project partner down with you!" Alois interjected. "Dude, this has me super stressed!"

Ciel bit his bottom lip, heart sinking from the fact that. Yes, he had barely looked at any of their prints and yes, the last day to submit was in three and a half week and it wasn't just his grade at stake here, his best friend's future was on the line as well.

"I-I'm really sorry." He whispered, casting his eyes down to the floor. "I didn't . . ."

"Has anyone considered the fact that Ciel is a bit preoccupied with other more important matters than a, dare I say, his grade?" Vincent cut in, his voice hard and grim. "Ciel has always been responsible, one slip up does not a failure make."

Ciel blinked owlishly at his father, was he . . . defending him! Protecting him? This certainly was turning out to be a crazy day.

"Let's leave the boys to talk." Rachel murmured, walking to her son and slipping into his arms to give him a tight hug. "We will see you 9 am sharp, ok?" She smiled, placing a quick peck on his cheek and ruffling Alois's hair. "Now you two work it out." Vincent rose from the couch and nodded curtly to a glowering Alois before heading towards his son who stood by the open door.

Placing a hand on his shoulder, Vincent winced at the frailty of his only child. "Everything will work out." He whispered, kissing Ciel on the forehead. "If I have to buy out that whole goddamn program, so be it."

Ciel chuckled. "Don't tempt me, dad, but thanks anyway." Vincent nodded and walked out into the hallway.

Closing the door, Ciel turned slowly around to find Alois standing in the living room; face unreadable, but his body wound tightly, balled fists at his sides. Taking a deep breath, Ciel stepped towards his friend. "I know you know." He started carefully.

Alois quirked an eyebrow. "Since when?"

"Since you left a half-eaten apple on my table next to my mail." Ciel admitted. "I put two and two together."

"And still you said nothing." He reminded.

"I can say the same for you." Ciel shrugged.

"Fuck you!" Alois spat out. "That wasn't my news to tell!"

"I'm sorry!" He pleaded. "No one knew until Thanksgiving! I didn't tell anyone! I swear! I just couldn't!"

"I know why you couldn't! You didn't want Sebastian to find out!" Alois yelled back, gritting his teeth as anger laced every word. "So obvious!"

"Maybe! Yes! Ok! I didn't want him to know!" Ciel threw his hands up in frustration. "Jesus. Alois!"

"Does he know now?" He inquired lowly, his friend's silence answering for him. "You gotta be fucking kidding me!" Alois laughed harshly, shaking his head. "Un-fucking-believable!"

"I'm going to tell him soon!" Ciel protested weakly, raking a trembling hand through his hair.

"He's the fucking reason you haven't been getting treatments!" Alois shouted, pointing his finger. "He's the reason you've kept us all in the fucking dark!"

Ciel drew a quick breath. "What?! What the fuck are you talking about?"

"Oh, don't play fucking stupid here!" The enraged college student snarled. "You didn't tell anyone or get treatments because you were afraid he would find out."

"Alois."

"You were afraid he would up and leave you." He continued forcefully.

"Dammit Alois stop i-"

"You fucking sacrificed your life, lied to your famil-"

"Stop it!" Ciel shouted, anger wracking his frame.

"Lied to me! To me! Your best friend! And for what?" Alois ranted, hurt evident in his tone.

Ciel shook his head furiously and he reached out, grabbing his friend by the ar, pulling him towards the door. "Get the hell out!" He ordered to no avail as Alois wrenched his arm from Ciel's grasp and stepped into his face, clutching his thin arms in a vice like grip.

"For a fuck!" He screamed, ice blue eyes burning into cobalt. "For some English fuck in tight pants who will fuck you and leave you when he finds out the truth!"

Those words, like an invisible fist, stole every last bit of breath from Ciel as they struck him with a force he could not fathom.

Tears burned at the corners of Ciel's eyes. "You bastard." He whispered, gulping back a sob. "Is that what you really think?"

Darkness had descended into the room, reaching out with monstrous hands to squeeze their hearts painfully. The words were knives flung blindly at each other, gutting them without mercy and only when Alois took a moment to catch his breath and stare into his friend's suffering eyes did he realize what he had just done. What he had just said.

"Shit . . . Ciel . . . " he muttered, hands loosening their grip, regret throbbing in his chest. "I-I'm . . ."

"Don't you think that deep down inside that's what I think is going to happen?" Ciel's voice wavered as he spoke, unable to look at Alois he stared at the floor once again. "I love him, he loves me, but once he finds out the truth . . . I'm not 100% sure that he's going to stay by my side and that" his head shot up to face Alois "that has me up at night. Not the cancer, nope, I can barely wrap my head around the fact that yet again I'm fighting for my life. But now, I want to fight to keep feeling this, this warmth, this . . . I can't describe it, but it's inside of me and I don't want to lose it. I don't want to lose him!" He gasped, desperation making him choke for air. Alois tugged Ciel into his arms and wrapped him in a firm embrace.

"Alois . . ." He whimpered quietly into the blonde's shoulder.

"Hear me out." Alois shushed him "I'm sorry I busted in here like a jerk, it's just . . . you're my family. You mean everything to me and I can't stand to think that for the last two months you went about this alone. You're the brother I need in my life, not to like replace Luka . . . , but the brother I can protect because . . . I fucking failed him. And I won't fail you." The part fading out as a deep emotion took over.

Ciel released his tears and hugged Alois tighter. The relief of having his friend by his side, no more lies, no more hiding, finally breaking the dam that had held them back since he first heard of his recurring cancer. He could get through this, he reasoned, if I always have this man, my friend, my brother by my side.

"You didn't fail him, Alois." Ciel whispered, holding him close. "And you won't fail me. I know this and the truth of you being here with me will get me through anything."

"I won't leave you, Ciel." Alois promised firmly "Never, no matter what. I won't let you down."


	27. Chapter 27

_**Greetingzzzzz!** _

_**IMPORTANT NOTE! IMPORTANT NOTE!** _

_**As you faithful and amazing readers know,SMTB is very plot and character heavy. I am advising you all since we are nearing the end of the first arc to go back and reread the earlier chapters. This current chapter, and the next, will be alluding to past scenes and I want to make sure that no one ends up confused.** _

_**Yup! Chapter 29 ends the first arc!** _

_**Cray Cray, right?** _

_**Thank you for the amazing responses and support!** _

_**Big thank you to AnimeCujo who collabed with me on this chapter!** _

_**READ, ENJOY, REVIEW, FOLLOW, FAVORITE, HUG A KITTEN IN HONOR OF SEBASTIAN!** _

_**Come on...you know you want to heehee...**_.

* * *

Countless flickering white candles lined the margins of the room, a warm ethereal glow casting dark and light shadows against the white sheets of Sebastian's large bed. Ciel shifted his pale body, snuggling closer into his lover's smooth chest, a contented sigh slipping from his lips. It was well past midnight, but he was far from sleep, they had made love at least two times again and the adrenaline from their activities was still coursing through his body. Ciel had never felt so alive.

Alois had remained at his apartment until Claude had texted that he was waiting for him at the entrance of the building. With one last hug and a promise that they would see each other on Monday for an early dinner to go over their project, the two students had waved goodbye to each other. Ciel felt as if he had been filled to bursting, sucked viciously dry, and then filled up again, but not quite as well.

This was all becoming tiresome and the whirlwind of events that had occurred in less than five days left him nauseous, depressed, yet strangely elated. No matter the current situation, he was in love and loved in return. Still, he bolted for the bathroom; black spots dotting his vision as he stumbled into the tiled space and proceeded to throw up anything and everything into the toilet bowl.

Clinging to the cold porcelain seat, a fine sweat broke out across his face as he retched yellow tinged bile, choking on the acidic taste and cursing the hot tears that dropped from his eyes, mixing with the rancid contents in the bowl. He had been having these bouts of vomiting on and off for weeks now.

An ache began to throb within his gums, taking a steadying breath, he spit into the bowl; the sound of a plop against the water forced him to focus his eyes on the contents. Blood.

"Shit." He cursed lowly.

After a few minutes of catching his breath, Ciel hoisted himself up, staggered to the sink and gave himself a couple of splashes of cold water against his face. He glanced at the shower stall, wondering if he had enough strength to take a shower.

"Come on, kid." He croaked, throat still raw from the incident. "You can do this." A quick 10 minute shower seemed to wake him up, but the weak boneless feelings in his limbs seemed to worsen. Hurriedly drying his hair, Ciel checked the time "Fuck! It's 8:45!" He cried. "Sebastian's going to get here soon! Fuck!"

Thankfully there was a small carton of orange juice in the fridge that was still good. Ciel grimaced as he gulped the drink down, the taste of toothpaste and OJ was never a good mix, but the burst of energy it gave him was helpful. Spraying his nose with the hormone stopped his bleeding gums and downing a peanut butter and jelly sandwich filled his aching stomach. He had to keep it together, he reasoned to himself, pulling on a sweater as the sound of a knocking on the door resonated throughout the apartment. Checking his mouth one more time, Ciel answered the door and stood shocked at what he saw.

Roses. And lavender! Dozens of bright white roses mixed with bunches of rich purple lavender! Sebastian stood at the door, a sheepish grin on his face, arms overflowing with large sweet smelling white roses resting among dark green leaves and hugged by thick sprouts of warm and airy lavender all wrapped in light blue tissue paper.

"Wha-what is this?" Ciel breathed, his dark eyes wide with wonder and surprise.

Sebastian beamed at the reaction. "For my love, I took your flower, now here you may have mine." Extending his arms out, he enveloped the petite man, crushing him against the flowers and pressing his lips against his own. An aromatic eruption of flowers, fresh soap, musk and tea was released into the air and Ciel didn't know if he would collapse from the overload of his senses or the kiss.

"I love you, Ciel." Sebastian whispered into his lips, eyes glowing with adoration. "Stay with me, don't ever leave me."

A painful knot formed within Ciel's stomach as he looked back into his lover's eyes. The resolve to fight back, to live, to stay in this world, these arms, this love, pulled him back from the edge of darkness. He would not give up.

"I promise." He vowed.

Ciel yawned quietly, his eyes closed and the heat of their recent coupling was slowly ebbing away. "Sleep, love." Sebastian cooed, scratching behind an ear. "You have an early start tomorrow."

"Ugh. Don't remind me." He grumbled, leaning into the large warm palm of his lover. "And unfortunately I can't skip class."

"What a shame, I was hoping to serve you breakfast in bed." Sebastian purred, wrapping his arms tighter around Ciel's midsection. He marveled at the silky pale skin and its suppleness. "And then help myself to you." He teased, nipping at his boyfriend's neck.

"Mmmm, I wish." Ciel moaned. "We'll have to wait for the weekend to continue this."

Sebastian huffed his displeasure. "Are you sure your week is that booked? How am I supposed to wait until Sunday to see you?"

"I've got classes all week, a project due soon and parents who are hella pissed that I don't see them more than once a week." Ciel mumbled sleepily into his pillow.

"I'm looking forward to meeting your parents." Dark red eyes scanned the peaceful body cradled in his arms. "Especially your dad."

One blue eye popped open. "My dad? Why?"

Sebastian shrugged. "I'm ashamed to admit, but I admire his success. I look upon him with a bit of idolatry. Back in Uni when I studied business, he was part of one of my research papers."

"Uni?" Ciel questioned, arching an eyebrow skeptically.

"University." Sebastian sighed. "You are daft, aren't you?"

"Shut up." He grumbled. A quick kiss was delivered quickly to a pair of pouting lips.

"I studied your father's business ventures, history, even his tactics, the man is bloody brilliant." Sebastian complimented.

"Yep." Ciel rolled his eyes. "Bloody brilliant."

"Ciel?"

"Hm?"

"Why do you dislike talking about your father?" A frown settled on his handsome face; propping himself up by one arm, Sebastian cupped Ciel's cheek stroking it softly. "I want to understand." Shaking his head, Ciel rolled over, back facing his tall lover.

"Sebastian, it's hard to explain." He whispered. "I love him, I always have, but when I needed him most he wasn't there for me. But now, he is. He's really trying now and that's all that matters to me. Not his company or his accomplishments or anything remotely connected to that. I just want. . . I just need my father to be . . . a dad."

In the low lit darkness of night, a clenching loneliness stirred within Sebastian's heart; subtle reminders of a past marred by loss, marked with grief. It took everything the Englishman could muster not to open his mouth and spill the secrets he had so carefully covered and hidden from his beloved.

"Everyone deserves a second chance." He murmured into the cool skin of Ciel's neck. "Especially fathers."

Ciel nodded silently, his hands gripping the white sheets as his breathing slowed to follow Sebastian's soothing rhythm. A second chance . . .

* * *

"Ciel, honey, please try some crackers. I even put peanut butter on them!" Rachel placed a full plate of green apple slices and peanut butter slathered crackers on top of a bed tray situated securely over Ciel's legs. He was propped up on pillows laying listlessly in his bed, a dark thin duvet covering half his body as he fought off the light headed feeling swimming through his head. She watched carefully as he took a cracker with an unsteady hand and placed it in his mouth, chewing slowly with little enthusiasm.

"Mm." He hummed. "Organic, my favorite." He smiled at his own sarcasm, reaching out to squeeze his mother's hand. "I'm sorry, but I hate the taste and smell of apples. Can you throw them away?"

Rachel sighed her apologies. "I'm sorry, how about some orange slices?" She looked to him hopefully, rubbing his cool cheek.

Ciel nodded, picking up another cracker. "Thanks, mom." As Rachel rose to fetch her son a variety of fruit, she felt a soft tug on her sleeve. Looking down, blue eyes full of gratitude stared back. "I mean it, mom. Thank you."

Forcing a brave smile, Rachel leaned over and kissed her only child on his damp forehead. "I know, sweet boy. I know."

It was a bright, but bitterly cold Friday afternoon and the Phantomhives were still coping with Ciel's first chemo treatment. Their young son was exhausted, hungry and a bit queasy from the numerous chemicals still coursing within his bloodstream. It would take a full day or two for Ciel to be able to move about without becoming completely winded. They had decided upon an aggressive approach towards treating his leukemia, as a result, therapy would be occurring once a week for the first month. Rachel and Vincent had accompanied Ciel during the week to his appointments with Spears in regards to the blood work results and the good doctor had been very absolute with his diagnosis.

"We will begin treatment this week." He had stated, pushing his glasses up as he eyed Ciel. "I'm hoping we did not wait too long." And so began the fight to save Ciel.

At 8:05 am, Friday morning, Ciel, Rachel and Vincent walked into the infusion unit and signed in. The nurse smiled gently at them, handing them several clipboards replete with documents to be read and signed. Numerous injections and medicines were explained while she helped Ciel fill out the proper paperwork. "I'll take that now." The nurse smiled, taking the paper-stuffed clipboards. "You may be seated in the waiting area." She said, pointing down the hall.

"Thank you." Vincent said quietly, his hand holding securely on Ciel's arm.

"Oh, it's my pleasure." She grinned, leading them down the hall. "And please, call me Angela."

Ciel sighed inwardly, glancing at the walls peppered with hundreds of small decorative quilts squares of various designs and colors. This section of the hospital was known as the Hall of Quilt Squares Made By Cancer Patients. Each square was a story created by survivors and victims of cancer. Ciel had made one when he was 12, but it was currently on display in Dr. Spears's office and a bit of warmth rose within him at the thought.

Before the entrance at the end of the hallway, Ciel caught sight of the one patch he so desperately wanted to see: Dolly Kelvin. The 5x5 inch cloth square was bright red: gold and silver sparkles ran along its border and in the center was a crudely cut felt green Christmas tree dotted with dozens of multicolored metallic beads. In pretty blue glitter the name 'Doll' was scripted over the tree, the phrase 'Forever Young' was written on the bottom. Ciel lovingly ghosted his fingertips over the quilt patch, pausing in his actions to feel the cool beads as memories began to flood his brain.

"Ciel." Rachel whispered, gently tugging her son's arm. "Your father has seats for us." Ciel swallowed thickly and entered the waiting room; heart beating painfully.

After a few minutes, Angela informed the trio that it was time to go to the infusion area. While the nurses' station, pharmacy, bed infusion unit, and various support rooms, were all private areas, the chemo room itself was different. In the expansive area there were at least 15 other patients reclined on standard sized gurneys receiving treatments; every single hospital curtain surrounding each patient was drawn wide open.

Vincent frowned "Is this the best we could get him?" He hissed lowly to his wife who had already led Ciel towards a window bed with a nice view of the city.

"Be quiet and watch." She whispered patiently, taking Ciel's coat off and bending down to untie his shoes.

"Mom, I think I've got this." Ciel mumbled, eyes darting about with shame. "I'm not a little kid!"

"You're right." She grinned, patting the bed. "You're my baby. Now hop on."

Vincent scanned the room warily, out of all the patients his son still had an entire head of hair. A few patients sat silently reading books or magazines, several had earbuds on while listening to music, some spoke animatedly with visitors or each other, two patients simply relaxed quietly as their IVs dripped rhythmically to the sounding beeps of heart and blood pressure monitors. However, they all had looked up and given the three of them smiles of reassurance when they had first entered the room.

Now I get it, Vincent thought, immediately shamed for his earlier remark.

After two hours Ciel had received his first 2 boluses of saline, anti-nausea meds, the first chemo drug, and finally the second chemo drug, which had to be 'pushed' into his vein. It was not a very pleasant procedure, but it was over relatively quickly. The entire time was spent talking, laughing, watching TV on Rachel's iPad, munching on ice pops and chatting with 'visitors'.

Much to Ciel's delight, Vanessa had come during her lunch time to sit with the young man for half an hour. Ciel was thankful that his parents had taken a break and gone out for coffee while Spears's secretary gushed about her dance lessons and new instructor.

"I wish he was straight!" She wailed, causing others in the room to stare. "He's so my type!" Ciel chuckled knowing full well who she was talking about.

"And I'm sure he wishes you were a man." He teased.

Vanessa giggled merrily. "No such luck! But he's a lot like Dr. Spears, a freaking slave driver. Perfectionist to the core." She said rolling her eyes.

"Why are you taking up dance lessons?" Ciel inquired.

A sly smile formed on the secretary's pretty face. "It's a surprise but you'll find out soon enough."

A strange feeling of unease crept into Ciel's stomach. I hope it's the chemo, he thought miserably.

During the five hours of treatment the hospital chaplain, cancer social services director, and the oncology infusion nurse had all dropped by to speak with Ciel and his parents. A small silent prayer, complete with hands held together, had occurred. Rachel fervently praying for her son's life, Vincent begging for forgiveness and Ciel . . . Ciel gave praise for his light in the darkness. 'Sebastian' his heart echoed as he shut his eyes and thought of his beloved.

Taking a 20 minute nap helped ease the nervous tension that had started thrumming throughout Ciel's body and he willed himself not to fall into a panic attack, breathing slowly in and out, in and out, just as Sebastian had taught him. It was then, while concentrating on the falling snow outside his window that he realized how much he wanted Sebastian right there. The absence of the man he had fallen in love with opened a chasm of longing in his heart. He imagined the long elegant fingers intertwined with his own petite digits, gently squeezing them in an effort to comfort and remind him that he was not alone.

Knowing him, he'd probably say perverted things and try to feel me up under the sheets, he thought with a smirk.

After three and a half hours Dr. Spears entered the room with Angela who wore an amused look on her face.

"Good morning Ciel." Dr. Spears's voice was as usual, professional, however, Ciel caught traces of warmth in his words. "I trust all is going smoothly?"

"It's going great. Angela has been really helpful and I even got a window seat." Ciel grinned, shuffling over to the left side of his bed as he gestured to the empty spot next to him. "Come on Doc, take a seat and keep me company." Angela snickered behind her clipboard, earning an annoyed glance from the doctor. Clearing his throat, Spears removed his white lab coat and sat gingerly next to Ciel, cautiously inching closer to his secret obsession.

"Don't you two make a cute pair." Angela chortled, removing one of the saline bags and replacing it with a fresh one.

"That comment is wholly unnecessary, nurse" Spears replied evenly. Ciel laughed loudly, clutching his sides and resting his head on the doctor's shoulder.

"Oh God I needed that!" He giggled, wiping tears from his eyes.

Spears felt a rush of intermingled emotions as the heat from Ciel's body resonated into his own skin. Their close proximity, the smell of freshly washed hair, the sound of the young man's light voice, even the bluish sheen of his impossibly shiny black hair were sending him over the edge.

"Would you like me to stay with you until your parents return from lunch?" Spears offered, nudging the college student gently with his shoulder. "I'm not due upstairs for another half hour."

Ciel looked up, big blue eyes shone with gratitude. "I'd like that very much."

"I . . . I . . ." A flustered look rested on the doctor's face as he felt those eyes burn into his own. Some unknown force seemed to override his sensibilities, propriety was always his main concern, yet at that very moment he was pulled into Ciel's essence. Driven completely mad by the slate haired boy he loved so dearly. "I . . . lo . . ." He stuttered, green eyes frantically looking everywhere except at Ciel.

"Dr. Spears!" Angela interrupted as she walked towards the pair holding out a piece of paper. "Dr. Kadar from hematology called. The pathologist's reports came in and he needs to see you now." Spears blinked, he could not believe how close he had been to confessing his feelings to Ciel! Cursing inwardly at his own momentary weakness, he stood from the bed and patted Ciel's arm.

"I will check on you tonight. You should be done in about two hours." With one last smile he turned and walked briskly away.

What was he going to say? Ciel thought.

"You must be a very special patient" Ciel looked over at Angela and cocked his head.

"Special? Why?" He asked.

"An oncologist of his stature rarely steps foot in the treatment area." She informed, readjusting the tape over the IV needle in his vein. "It's the oncologist's representative's job to come down here."

"Oh." Ciel blushed, turning his head to face the window as the feeling of uneasiness returned. Did this mean anything? He mulled over the situation. Spears had always been a hands-on doctor so none of his actions seemed out of the ordinary. No, wait, Spears was acting a bit more . . . involved. But was that bad? Ciel frowned, no of course not.

"I guess I really am special." He hummed contentedly.

In the end, the only discomfort the blue eyed male could complain of was the burning ache where the needles had been and the tingling sensation in his bones from the chemo. Other than that, Ciel was sure he would have a splitting headache once he returned home and he would be exhausted for days. But he did it, first treatment was done, and yes he was still alive.

"Next time you should bring photos to place on the windowsill." Ciel looked up from tying his shoe laces to see his nurse smiling down at him.

"Photos?" He quirked an eyebrow. "What for?" The silver haired nurse laughed and motioned with an open hand around the room.

"Look around here, some patients have photos of their children, their husbands or wives, a best friend." She gave Ciel a knowing look. "It serves as a motivator, reminding us that we're not in this fight alone and we've got a lot of love out there pulling us through."

Ciel rose slowly. "We?" We asked curiously.

"I'm a Survivor." Angela stated proudly, pointing to a pink ribbon pin on the left side of her uniform. "Double mastectomy in 2009, but I'm alive. I'm here and I know what you're going through." Ciel shook his head in wonderment.

"Amazing, and here you are helping others who are suffering just like you did." He paused, choosing his words carefully. "Are . . . are you afraid it'll come back?"

Angela nodded knowingly. "Not a day goes by that I don't think about it, to be honest it's always a possibility, but I live for today and not in fear of tomorrow." Ciel looked admiringly into Angela's violet eyes, they shone bright and strong, hopeful and determined. He knew she would be great support and as of right now, she served as his inspiration.

"So, whose photo did you have on your windowsill?" He asked shyly.

Angela grinned. "My brothers Pluto and Ash. Those two idiots kept me laughing for hours during some of my treatments, but when they couldn't come I would put their photos on the sill and talk to them on the phone." A glint of love raced across her eyes. "They were my lifeline."

"Ciel, are you ready?" Rachel walked over to the pair holding his coat. "It started snowing again." Reaching for his outerwear, Ciel thanked Angela and headed out the door with his mother.

I need a photo of Sebastian, he thought happily.

* * *

"You're sick?" Sebastian frowned. "As in very sick or moderately sick?"

It was Sunday morning and the first phone call of the day was to his blue eyed prize, but to Sebastian's utter disappointment, Ciel was ill.

"I'm sick, I have a slight fever and a sore throat." Ciel croaked into the phone. "I'm sorry, but I'm most likely contagious so please don't come over today." Friday's treatment had left Ciel drained of all energy and marked with bruises from his elbows to his wrist. The last person he wanted to see him in this condition was his lover.

"I don't care if you're contagious." Sebastian growled. "It's been days since I've seen you." Gripping the phone tighter, he sighed heavily. "I miss you."

Ciel sat up in his bed, a wave of nausea rolling over him. "I want to see you too, but I'm not the best company right now." His fingers glided over the dark bruises the IV needles had left on both arms, his heart clenching. "I really can't do anything." He murmured.

"Then we can just talk." Sebastian reasoned, leaning back in his office chair glancing at the wall clock. "After classes today I'll come by, serve you soup, rub your back, watch the telly, whatever you want. I don't care to leave you alone when you're ill."

Closing his eyes to steady the dizzying feeling swiftly overtaking him, Ciel rubbed his temples and sighed in defeat "Ok, what time?" In truth, he desperately missed Sebastian.

"How does 5 sound?" Sebastian double checked his appointments on his laptop. "I've got two classes and three private lessons so I'll shower at your place to save time."

"No sex." Ciel stated flatly. An audible gasp was heard over the phone

"Young man! As if I would!" Sebastian stated, feigning horror.

"Don't bullshit me, Michaelis." Ciel snorted. "I could have the Black plague and you'd still try to hump me."

"Guilty as charged." He chuckled. "But on my word I will not manhandle your lordship."

"Promise?" Ciel needled.

"Cross my heart."

* * *

Having slept for almost seven hours, Ciel awoke in better spirits and in the mood for some food and company. True to his word, Sebastian arrived at the apartment a quarter after five, carrying two paper bags filled with Gatorade, fruits, freshly made soups from a corner market and various sweets purchased from Ciel's favorite bakery.

"I come bearing gifts!" He chirped happily, planting a light kiss upon Ciel's forehead. "Ah! Seems like your fever is gone!" He exclaimed.

Standing in his pajamas, covered from the neck down, Ciel blushed. "Yeah, I took some medicine and slept all day." He gawked at the amount of items Sebastian kept removing from the bags onto his counter top. "Christ Sebastian! You didn't have to do this for me!"

Placing the soups on the side of the stove, Sebastian began washing grapes and strawberries in the sink. "I know." He said matter of factly. "I did this because I want to." Ripping several sheets of paper towels from a roll and situating the fruit to dry on the counter, he turned to Ciel and leaned in to kiss him softly on the lips. "I did this because I love you."

"Idiot." Ciel muttered, his cheeks burning so much he was sure he looked feverish now. "Go take your shower."

"Join me." Sebastian purred seductively.

"No!" Ciel protested, turning away and hurrying towards his bedroom. "I'm sick! And you promised no sex!"

"We can shower together without sex!" Sebastian pleaded holding out his arms.

"Impossible!" Ciel yelled, swatting away the outstretched hands. "You're a sex fiend!"

Smiling sheepishly, Sebastian raising his hands in defeat. "We all have our crosses to bear."

"Yeah, and some of us just need to cross our legs because their boyfriends are perverts!" He shouted back over his shoulder.

"How cruel." The man pouted.

"It's the truth!" Ciel retorted from his bedroom as Sebastian followed. "You're insatiable!"

"No! Obviously I know that!" Sebastian chuckled, sauntering over to Ciel and pulling him into a tight hug. "I'm talking about crossing your legs to me! Terribly mean of you!"

Ciel rolled his eyes. "Sebastian, you said you would just sit with me and talk!"

"Fine!" Sebastian huffed, releasing Ciel, but landing a sharp smack on the young man's rump when he turned from him.

"Sebastian!" Ciel yelped, glaring at his leering boyfriend and flopping down on the bed.

Grabbing a towel, Sebastian winked. "I'll be out in ten minutes."

Ciel sighed loudly as he leaned back against the pillow and shut his eyes. The muffled sound of running water reached his ears as Sebastian took a shower, the door halfway closed to the bathroom. Why did he want to take a shower so badly? Ciel frowned at the thought. He just came from his dance studio, he could have taken one there

"Sebastian?" He called out when he heard the faucet shut off.

"Yes, love?" A velvet voice answered, the light padding of bare feet on the wooden floor making Ciel glance up. "I'm sorry, but I didn't bring any bed clothes for me to change into." A sly smirk spread over the handsome face while the student gaped. "Mind if I just hang around in this for a bit?"

Ciel's mouth opened and closed silently as he stared at Sebastian who stood at the foot of his bed. Damp dark locks hung by his face, framing the strong chin and emphasizing the sharp bone structure. He watched as a single drop fell onto the already wet chest and rolled down the defined torso to a hipbone until it met with the fluffy towel that was hanging dangerously low on those slender hips. Ciel swallowed hard at the sight of his boyfriend looking like sex on legs just a few feet away.

"You bastard." Ciel whispered lowly. "You did this on purpose"

Red eyes widened for a moment before they became half lidded with mischievous intent. "Is that so?" He snickered, whipping the towel off in order to dry his dark hair. Ciel felt every drop of blood make a hasty exodus from his brain straight to his crotch.

"Sebastian." He growled menacingly "I. Said. No. Sex."

Halting his actions, Sebastian lowered the towel, rubbing small circles along his damp skin, tracing a slow path from his neck, down his sinewy torso, past his rock hard abdomen until he came into contact with his . . .

"Sex?" He queried, playfully smiling at his flustered lover. "I'm merely drying my body. Where do you see me trying to have sex with you?"

"You're dangling yourself out like a piece of meat, you freak!" Ciel yelled, pointing at his naked boyfriend. "You're trying to seduce me!"

A thin black eyebrow rose. "And from what I see, it's working."

A bright red flush rose from Ciel's neck to the tips of his ears as he glanced down and caught sight of the growing bulge pressing against his thin cotton bottoms.

"Fuck all kinds of duck." He grumbled.

"Oi! That's my line." Sebastian protested.

"Yeah, well, you're obviously a bad influence." He shot back, averting his eyes before they shot back at the sound of a low chuckle.

"You have no idea." Sebastian teased, releasing the towel to stand fully naked in the room. Smirking, he held his lover's gazed as playful fingers trailed down his body to wrap around the rigid member. "Now, why don't you watch and see just how bad I can be, hm?"

Ciel took in a sharp breath as Sebastian began to slowly stroke himself, palm squeezing from base to tip as a bead of pre cum appeared in the slit before being swept up by his thumb. The white fluid was used to lubricate the stiff flesh, pants fell from parted lips as the man beat himself off in front of those wide blue eyes.

"Mmnnahh, Ciel." Sebastian breathed out, eyes dark with lust. "Tell me, do you-ah want this?" Hips bucking slightly insistently. "I want you." He purred, looking at the growing wet spot in the front of the student's bottoms. Blue eyes shot up to see Sebastian throw his head back and moan as he fisted the leaking cock faster.

"I want you too." Ciel whimpered, his length twitching in anticipation. Raising his arms, he opened them wide, beckoning the man into them. "Come here, Sebastian." An amused smirk spread over his face before he pounced upon the bed, a startled yelp leaving Ciel as he bounced up from the action.

"Soooo, where should we start?" Sebastian cooed, eying the bulge between the slim thighs. Fingers played with the hemline of Ciel's shirt, pulling on the fabric. "How about we begin with getting you a little less covered." He purred as he pushed the shirt up an inch to dip his tongue into an exposed navel. Hands flew into the dark hair, pulling the teasing head up and halting its actions.

"Ahh-I, no!" Ciel blurted out, panic evident in his face. He couldn't let Sebastian undress him, not with upper body covered in ugly purplish bruises from the chemotherapy. Ciel racked his brain to come up with something quickly, "I can't wait, I need you in me. Now!" He practically shouted, blushing at how needy he sounded. Sebastian blinked at him, trying to decide if he should proceed. Ciel held his breath, praying that his lover would see his desperation as arousal instead of fear.

"Impatient today, my little lord." He hummed, going to work at undressing the student's lower half. Ciel almost sighed with relief as he watched his erection spring free, the thick flesh smacking his abdomen and making him hiss. Long fingers circled around the base as Sebastian hover his lips near the wet tip. "And you didn't want to have sex today." He teased, licking at the sticky liquid while Ciel whimpered at the feeling.

All reason, all level headedness, all composure, all common sense seemed to suddenly disappear within a matter of seconds. Ciel had only recently been given a healthy dose of sex infused with love and copious amounts of lust, he was a malnourished young man being fed only the highest grade of desirable flesh and satisfaction. The slate haired student stood no chance against Sebastian.

"Please." Ciel whined, fingers digging into the sheets as he sat up. "Make me feel good." He looked at Sebastian pleadingly, the ache in his bones had returned and they served as a silent reminder of the recent chemo therapy. An urgency to replace the pain with pleasure seized the tortured young man as he struggled to keep himself from losing control. "Now, make me feel better."

Sebastian stared at the worn face of his petite love, it hadn't gone unnoticed to him how tired Ciel looked or how desperate he was to keep his clothing on. Was he chilled from a fever? Did he get enough sleep? Would the fever return if the young man overexerted himself.

Guilt crept in on heavy feet, pounding against Sebastian conscience. He had made a promise, hadn't he?

Furrowing his brow, he gingerly tucked Ciel back into his boxers and pajama bottoms, placing a chaste kiss on his stomach before scooting up to hover over a very confused Ciel.

"Sebastian, what are you doing?" He asked, blue eyes full of anxiety fought to keep still. They were darting all over the older male's face, trying to read the emotions etched into the smooth contours of the man he adored.

"What kind of boyfriend would I be if I didn't keep my word?" Sebastian whispered into Ciel's ear, looping his arms around the thin waist and pulling him into a loving embrace. "You're spent, I can see it in your eyes and you're ill. I'm here to love you, take care of you and keep you company, nothing more, nothing less. I'm sorry I didn't mind your feelings"

The garden of Ciel's heart bloomed once more, acres and acres of bursting roses fragrant and pugnacious, erupting with emotions he could barely contain. How did he deserve someone so caring; so considerate? The tears that fell were quiet, subtle, but filled with watery happiness. I'm so lucky, Ciel thought.

"Thank you." He finally murmured into the crook of Sebastian's neck. "God, I love you so much."

* * *

Buzzzzz

Buzzzzz

Buzzzzz

"Ciel." A groggy voice muffled by a duvet rose from the darkness. "Answer that bloody phone!"

Ciel groaned, his body curling within the tangle of sheets and Sebastian's limbs. "Just ignore it, babe." He grumbled.

A light pinch was delivered to his side. "No! It's been going off for the last blasted half hour!" The older male pushed Ciel towards the other side of the bed. "The last time you ignored your cell I was almost arrested by the bloody government!"

"Drama queen." Ciel yawned, reaching over to snatch up the device from the nightstand. "Ah, it's Lizzie, I better call her back."

"Yes, do so." Sebastian mumbled sleepily. "Preferably in another room; quietly."

"Ass." Ciel cursed as he shuffled out of bed. Maneuvering his way from the bedroom into the hallway, he flicked on the light as he made a straight line to the couch.

Throwing himself with reckless abandonment against the plush furniture, a quick check of the time showed that the two lovers had slept in considerably late. It was almost 11 am, but they had fallen asleep so late that it felt as if only a few hours had passed.

Ciel made a quick mental note to call Alois later. They had an early dinner planned in order to discuss their school project. Dialing his cousin's number, Ciel waited patiently for Lizzie to answer.

"Where the hell are you?" She demanded after only one ring.

"Hello to you too, Lizard." Ciel grunted, pulling a velour blanket over his legs and tucking it neatly underneath him. "How are-"

"Answer me." She interrupted curtly.

"I'm home! Sebastian and I slept in and you woke us up." He fired back.

"Aw boo-hoo." Lizzie snickered. "So you finally get laid and now can't get enough of each other! How cute!"

"Don't be jealous." Ciel yawned. "You know I'm still gay for you."

"Whatever, listen I'm at Saks . . ." She began

Rolling his eyes, Ciel scoffed. "What a shock."

"Shut up!" The sound of registers and hangers scraping along metal rods echoed in the background "Anyways, I'm birthday shopping for you. So what do you want?"

Ciel scrunched his nose. "What do you mean?"

"Moron! What do you want for your birthday?!" She yelled.

"Oh! Seriously I don't want anything!" Ciel sighed, he could feel a headache coming on.

A loud whine of protest resonated through the phone. "Don't be difficult, Ciel. Scratch that, don't make my life difficult! Give me some ideas!"

"Lizzie, I really don-"

"A Marc Jacobs jacket? Michael Kors shirts? Armani cologne? Burberry sunglasses?" She stated, ticking each off on her fingers as she went.

"Ugh, Liz! Don't get me anything!" Of all things Ciel hated the most, aside from his cancer, was the fanfare his family employed around and on his birthday every year.

"I'm in the middle of one of the most expensive and elegant high end stores in all the world and I want to buy your birthday gift today!" Lizzie cried. "So Ciel, what the hell do you want for your birthday!?"

"Well . . ." He paused, looking at the direction of his bedroom door. From where he sat he could see nothing, however, the image of his cat-like love, agile and strong, was clear in his mind. What else could he possibly want? He wondered.

"Ciel, if you could just have one thing, what would it be." Lizzie's hopeful voice cut in.

Curling up onto his side with the phone pressed against his war, Ciel closed his eyes and basked in the warmth of recalling Sebastian in his bed. "Another birthday." He breathed.


	28. Chapter 28

**_EARLY UPDATE!_ **

**_EARLY UPDATE! !_ **

**_Thank you for inspiring me with your amazing reviews and PMS, I truly appreciate the feedback!_ **

**_Just a bit of bittersweet news to share with you skullzzzzz, my light in the darkness, AnimeCujo, is posting her last chapter to her epic story, A Slow and Steady Seduction, this coming friday._ **

**_I sad..._ **

**_Yet happy and proud..._ **

**_So conflicted!_ **

**_If it hadn't been for her talent, dedication and beautiful heart, i would have never had the courage to create and share SMTB._ **

**_Thank you my friend._ **

**_RINGO JUISO! How did you manage being my 600th review!? LOL_ **

_**_At the end of this chapter there is a super_  important Author's Note!** _

_**READ, ENJOY, REVIEW, FAVORITE, FOLLOW! THANKS**_!

* * *

The week had gone by at a snail's pace and Friday night found Ciel practically foaming at the mouth with anticipation. School had been a long and arduous ordeal that particular week as preparing his final project with Alois had taken up most of his free time; the blonde student was relentless with catching up on lost time. Ciel ended up meeting with him every day to work on prints and presentation materials. The fact that their project centered around using no digital equipment caused even the simplest of efforts to take three times as long to accomplish. In the end, it was all worth it and the two friends made their final presentation appointment for after the New Year with The Undertaker.

As if school wasn't enough, a second round of chemo had been scheduled for the following week and the thought of being bone tired and sick right before the holidays had depressed Ciel to no end. This was the time of where everything was supposed to be light hearted, joyful, and fun. Instead, a sense of dread had encroached upon the young man's world; however, the promise of spending his first Christmas with Sebastian instantly lifted his dark mood.

He had spoken with the dancer via text and cell numerous times every single day for the past week; both men eagerly awaited their date on the night of Ciel's birthday. Chalking it all up to the force known as serendipity, Sebastian was more than elated over the fact that Claude had scheduled dance troupe rehearsals for the entire week. They had the cancer benefit coming up and practicing for hours every single day made the time away from Ciel more bearable. But every night, Sebastian dreamed of his blue eyed prize. And every night Ciel buried his face into the pillow Sebastian had used, his musky scent still present lulling the young man to a blissful sleep.

On a whim, Sebastian had chosen Smith and Wollensky for Ciel's birthday dinner date, the midtown steakhouse was known as a gruff and manly restaurant with a classic NY institute feel and Ciel chuckled at the idea of himself eating at a 'gruff and manly' place. But it was a high end eatery and he couldn't resist the delicious lure of a filet mignon. Sebastian had insisted on picking him up at 8 pm sharp and since the night proved to be cold, but clear for a December evening, there would be little to no nighttime strolling, no matter how romantic the city during the holidays would be. As the Englishman would say, it was, 'Baltic, cold as fuck'. The slate haired male just shook his head at his boyfriend's colorful vocabulary.

After checking his outfit for the 13th time (he was counting), Ciel seemed satisfied with his choice. Dark blue boot leg jeans, Charcoal gray V-neck sweater with a white undershirt, a pair of black boots and a soft black wool quarter length coat; yes, he wanted to dress to impress. Lizzie had commented on how Ciel never tried to polish his looks with a nice youthful wardrobe.

"You dress like an old hippie." She had pointed out one day during a shopping expedition on 5th Avenue. "I'm not saying you should dress like a Gap commercial, but put some effort into looking nice!"

She was right.

The years of cancer treatments had left Ciel feeling drained and ugly. He rarely looked at a mirror, what for? To see the dark circles under his eyes? To watch his skin turn a pale yellow? How could he even entertain the idea that he was anywhere near the idea of being good looking?

Then along came Sebastian. It was clear, the older male made him feel beautiful. More than beautiful actually, he made him feel; exquisite.

It was hard to explain, but Ciel started choosing nicer shirts when he knew he was going to see Sebastian. Last week was the first time he had gone for a professional haircut, asking Alois for the occasional trim didn't count. The kid cut a straight line like a kindergartner. One last look in the mirror revealed bright blue eyes, soft pale pink lips and a newfound confidence Ciel had never felt, nor noticed, before Sebastian.

Even with the new positive feelings, there were still reminders of the illness. Ciel carefully passed his hands over his thin arms riddled with bruises; his own deadly secrets. Sebastian had done so much to help him overcome the anxiety that was disrupting his life and he had found a new hope in escaping the brutal reality of his doomed future. It was then that he decided he would take the relationship a step further.

He was going to tell Sebastian the truth. He had already told Sebastian that he had fallen in love with him; deeply, senselessly, and irrevocably in love. In revealing to him that truth, Ciel was trusting his heart to the red eyed man and it was only natural that he was also going to entrust his fears and questionable future to him.

In the beginning Ciel had avoided the subject of where their relationship was heading. The lingering kisses on his cheek when they first met during the stroll through Central Park, the tender moment at the museum, even their frequent hand holding had Ciel precariously balancing between euphoria and an anxiety ridden fit. He had no problem admitting to himself the intense attraction he felt towards Sebastian, however, he had continually holstered his desire to freely express how he felt. Ciel realized that although he had loved before, the passion he was feeling towards Sebastian was different; very different.

They met in early October and now here he was; one week before Christmas and he had fallen hard for the handsome Englishman. It had become more than a physical attraction, stealthily morphing into a deep emotional connection. With Sebastian, he smiled easily, laughed openly, and the cancer was swept into a dark corner of his mind. With Sebastian he felt normal. Last week's impromptu lovemaking session at Sebastian's apartment had debunked his worries about never being able to become sexually intimate with the man he had fallen in love with. Yet, even after hours of exploring and pleasuring one another's bodies, he still couldn't reveal the malignant disease brooding within his blood, robbing him of his years.

But tonight was going to be different. He needed it to be different.

The fact that he in the past he couldn't or wouldn't tell Sebastian about the leukemia was causing him more stress than ever; and it tore him apart, for the risk of losing one more important part of his life to this damned disease frightened him. Fear overshadowed reason, causing one more crack in Ciel's already crumbling strength. In order to move on and solidify this man as a permanent part of his life he would have to tell him the truth.

The knock on the door thankfully snatched him from his thoughts and he immediately grabbed a thick black scarf and pair of gloves from his dresser. Making his way to the door, he took a final glance at the hallway mirror. "Tonight." He whispered to himself as he opened the door to find Sebastian waiting, grinning and holding up a small brown paper bag.

"Chocolate covered strawberries." He said, playfully rustling the bag in the air. "Happy Birthday, love." Ciel's eyes widened as he attempted to grab the bag from him, but Sebastian just smirked and held it high above his head batting the small hands away as if he were shooing away a fly. The bag was embarrassingly out of Ciel's reach.

"Really? Come on!" Ciel protested loudly as he attempted to jump up for the bag, his efforts proving futile.

"Now, now." Tsked Sebastian. "Give me your neck."

Ciel stopped jumping and narrowed his eyes. "Are you attempting this barter system again?" A low chuckle tumbled from Sebastian and he leaned in until he was face to face with bright blue eyes.

"The last time we bartered you seemed to enjoy it." He gently reminded. "How badly do you want your dessert before dinner?"

Ciel eyed the bag hungrily. "Very badly."

Still smiling, Sebastian spread his arms widely. "Then come here and give me your neck."

Ciel closed his eyes in frustration, chocolate covered strawberries, how did this British bastard remember those were his favorite? A full minute passed and Ciel had to admit that the handsome man had the patience of a saint or he was just plain crazy.

"Fine." He huffed, unfolding his crossed arms. "But it's going to be a quick one." Sebastian nodded and waited patiently as Ciel slowly stepped forward. He made no moves, reveling in the steely gaze the college student had fixed on him.

With his sharp blue eyes concentrating on the bag clenched in Sebastian's right hand, Ciel encircled the older male's waist with both arms and cautiously leaned in. He suddenly felt like he had been dipped in warmth and cotton, the spiced scent of musk and cinnamon was intoxicating. Was that even possible?

The college student felt a pair of strong arms wrap around his smaller body, his face nestled into Sebastian's solid chest and he inhaled deeply the smell of the older male. This was heaven, pure heaven.

There were no more twinges of fear, no skin crawling sensations. The numbness, the sudden feeling of impending doom, the aching chest, all absent. It had been more than a month since his last panic attack and he knew it was Sebastian's presence in his life that had put an end to those frightening episodes

Ciel felt Sebastian bury his nose into the side of his head, inhaling the younger male's scent; hot breath fanning against his ear. Delicious.

"Blimey, I wonder what you would do for a slice of red velvet cheesecake?" He purred into the soft slate tinted hair. "Perhaps we could take a quick trip to a bakery?" Ciel whipped his head up and glared at the already laughing man.

"Hand me my dessert you pervert, we're going to miss our reservations!" He demanded.

* * *

After a couple of glasses of red wine and full plates of steak with garlic mashed potatoes, it was safe to say that the two men had fully enjoyed their time at the steakhouse. Ciel had never laughed so much in one sitting while Sebastian regaled him with stories of his wild teenage years in London.

"So wait, how many times did your crazy neighbor throw boiling water at you?" He managed through a fit of laughter.

"37 times." Sebastian crowed with a pleased look on his face. "The minute I heard that tea kettle whistling, I knew I had just about 23 seconds before that old bird would fling the boiling water out her window at me." He took a sip of his wine. "She never got me though. I was too much of a fox for that hound."

Ciel cackled. "And I wonder what you did to deserve that sort of treatment!"

Another sip of wine, Sebastian winked. "Her son."

All laughter came to an abrupt stop. "Excuse me?" Exclaimed a shocked and annoyed Ciel.

Sebastian threw his head back and laughed so hard he had to take a deep breath and wipe his eyes "Your face!" He gasped, clutching his side with one hand and ruffling Ciel's hair with the other. "Bloody brilliant!"

Ciel smacked his hand away and scowled. "That wasn't funny you moron."

Sebastian eyed him with delight, the young male sitting across from him was completely and undeniably the most stunning man he had ever encountered. The luscious pout Ciel sported now begged to be nipped, licked, suckled, anything. A sudden urge to reach out and caress Ciel's face overwhelmed Sebastian and the temptation to claim the challenging and delectable bluenette created an intense heat to erupt within Sebastian.

He wanted him. Now.

"Pardon me, gentlemen." A chipper voice interrupted. "But I believe we have a birthday to celebrate?"

Sebastian smiled; he had informed their waiter earlier that it was Ciel's birthday. The young server stood before them hiding a large flat plate which boasted a sizable slice of strawberry shortcake slathered in fresh whipped cream and ripe ruby red berries. A single blue candle flickered at its center.

"Wow." Ciel's mouth watered at the sight. "Thank you!" Placing the dish with expert ease in front of the gaping young man, the waiter smiled and scurried off.

"Go ahead." Sebastian urged, yanking ahold of Ciel's hand and squeezing it gently. "Make a wish. "

A wish . . . a wish . . .

"It already came true." He grinned, squeezing his hand in return.

"Ciel." Sebastian whispered. Before the student could respond, Sebastian reached across the table and cupped Ciel's cheek with one hand. Tracing his thumb affectionately over the supple lower lip, he carefully leaned towards the young student he so desperately desired.

Ciel was frozen, mesmerized by the profound want in Sebastian's eyes and a deep scarlet blush immediately rested on his face. 'I love this man' he thought as he parted his lips and closed his eyes, relishing the security of the older man's strong yet gentle hand against his skin. The clinking of glasses and cutlery against dinner plates ceased to exist, voices surrounding them were eased away as he felt Sebastian's smooth lips gently press against his own.

If Ciel could see his heart in a metaphorical sense, he imagined it at that moment as a white rose blooming. He felt open, precious, delicate and yet powerful all at the same time. However, this feeling was new and still oddly familiar. Blue eyes caught the multicolored ornaments twinkling on an elaborately decorated holiday tree situated in a corner of the restaurant. Small dots of blue, red, and white lights sparkled and suddenly a face flashed before his eyes,

Doll . . .

"Sebastian, I have to . . . tell you something." Ciel attempted to choke out the words, desperately trying to clear his mind of rapidly approaching memories. "I . . . I . . ." He stuttered, eyes frantically darting about the room.

Lights, colored lights everywhere . . .

The tree, the lights, a voice echoed in his head, so many pretty lights . . .

And then all hell broke loose.

"Ciel! What's wrong?!" Sebastian stared in disbelief as Ciel wrenched away from their gentle kiss as if his lips had touched fire.

"It's happening!" He gasped, smacking the loving hands away from his face. "It's happening again!" A violent spasm wracked his thin body as a sudden darkness blinded him while a suffocating dread pushed an icy fist through his chest. All sounds muffled as if he were underwater. "Oh God . . . NO!" Ciel screamed, slapping his hands over his ears and shutting his eyes tightly.

Sebastian grasped his wrists and tore them away from Ciel's head "Ciel!" He shouted.

Then it all went black.

It would be of no use, the descent into despair had begun . . .

Beep . . . .

Beep . . .

Beep . .

Beep . .

Beep.

Ciel's eyes fluttered open, the sound of a beeping machine resonated in the small light blue and green room he found himself in. He was lying down on a large hospital bed; fully clothed. The room was dim and quiet; except for these damnable beeps.

"Stop moving so much, it hurts." A small voice whined and Ciel rolled over to his right to find himself staring at a young girl in a hospital gown.

Dolly Kelvin . . .

Doll.

His first love.

Ciel had met Doll when he was 12 and she was 10, both were receiving chemo treatments and platelets transfusions at Mount Sinai Hospital. They had become instant friends since they pretty much had the same scheduled treatments.

Doll came from a middle class home in the suburbs; the youngest of five raised by a single father. She was the cherished baby of the family. Her life was in stark contrast to Ciel's, his considered idyllic while Doll's life had been full of financial and personal struggle. But he coveted her life and envied the love and adoration her older siblings showered their baby sister with. His jealousy would show whenever Mr. Kelvin would lumber into the room and sweep his frail daughter up in one massive bear hug when her treatments were done.

With Doll he was alone, yet not alone.

Years spent supporting one another, sharing hope, dreams, and fears, keeping company during elongated stints in the hospital had assured a tight bond between the two teenagers. As time passed on, Ciel seemed to respond better to the medicines, but unfortunately, Doll did not. They only saw each other when they had treatments and when Ciel was given the all clear from Dr. Spears, he continued to visit her when she was at the hospital. Doll was the only fellow patient he would speak to because she never gave into self-pity or admitted defeat. In many ways, Doll reminded him of his mother; strong, determined, proud. But at that moment, Doll reminded Ciel of himself; sick, dying, afraid.

"Ciel?" She whispered hoarsely. "Don't leave me alone. I don't want to go alone." A knot in his stomach bloomed like a thorned flower, full of beauty and love for the young frail girl, but overwrought with pain and terror; pain for her suffering and terror for what was awaiting him. The room seemed cooler now, Doll's arms trembled as she pulled Ciel's arms around her waist. "Hold me." She insisted quietly.

Ciel pulled her back against his chest as he cocooned her petite frame within his own body. His legs wrapped around hers and he rested his chin atop her head. The soft stubble tickled his neck so he closed his eyes and imagined her with a mop of light brown hair, it had always smelled of flowers and vanilla. Now all he could smell was iodine, rubbing alcohol and antiseptic; it smelled like death.

"We never went to see The Rockefeller Tree." She sighed. "I always loved those sparkles and the lights." Ciel opened his eyes and hugged her closer.

"Rockefeller Center is overrated, Doll." He replied gently. " It's just a giant tree overdone with a million obnoxious lights." Ciel kissed her bare scalp. "Like when your dad puts up that life size manger scene in front of your house, I mean, it's kind of tacky ya know?" He was awarded with a giggle.

"I suppose." She said wearily. "But I thought, maybe, underneath all those pretty colored lights you would've held my hand." Doll turned slightly, her eyes dark and tired, "and we would've had a moment and maybe, maybe you would've kissed me."

All was silent except for the beeping of the machines monitoring her. That damn beeping.

"Doll." Ciel said slowly, gently caressing her hollowed cheek with his fingertips. "I don't need a decorated tree in the middle of the city to kiss you."

Some moments in life are meant to happen once simply because they are that important. For Ciel, the grim understanding of time and it's limitations were no mystery . He knew she was dying, he knew she would probably not wake up tomorrow, he knew that he was witnessing the last fight of a tortured mind. There would be no 'next times', there would be no more dreams to fulfill, jokes to tell, no more hope to hold on to, no more . . . no more love to live for.

They had that moment, that brief and limited moment. Everything that Ciel knew about Doll was stored away in his heart under lock and key. Her shy smile, the child like laughter, the courage, the love . . . love. His fingertips carefully tilted her head towards his face, their eyes nervously searching each other for answers to questions that would forever remain silent.

"I love you." Her voice barely audible now.

A crack in his soul, a knife in his heart.

Ciel placed his lips gently over hers, the skin was dry and chapped. "I love you too, Doll." He breathed softly.

They kissed. Their first kiss. Their last together

It was as Ciel knew it would be, a kiss full of tenderness and adoration. A kiss full of goodbyes.

There was nothing more to say, they had said it all and punctuated the end with an intimate act full of agony. They were two lone figures in a dark hospital room, the city lights illuminating their bodies, bathing them in a rainbow of colors. The last image he saw was the weakly given smile on her face. Closing her eyes, she snuggled into his arms, feeling warm and protected. Peering over at the digital clock glowing on the nightstand by her bed, she grinned, it was 12:04 am.

"Happy birthday, my sweet love." She whispered kissing the palm of his hand which had been cradling her gaunt face. Ciel traced a finger down the bridge of her nose and over her mouth, he wanted to remember the feel of her skin, the delicate shape of her face.

"Thank you." He replied, placing a kiss on her temple. They were finally lulled into a deep sleep, wrapped in a blanket of grief and acceptance, it was the best they could do and it was the last thing they would do together.

He remained with Doll until the very end, just as he had promised. On December 14th at 3:45 am, in the cold and cruel darkness of the early morning, Ciel awoke to a silent and motionless body. Before he rose from her cooling body, he pressed one last kiss against her still cheek. "I love you."

Doll was only 17 years old. But she did not go alone and so that night, for Ciel, it was simply meant to be . . .

A rush of cold wind hit Ciel's face with such a force that his entire body jolted in shock. The strange feeling of floating came over him and in response his eyes snapped open. He was vaguely aware of a voice calling his name. "Ciel! Can you hear me?"

The bite of the night air caused a shiver to run through his body and it was then he realized where he was. He was being carried bridal style by a flustered and panting Sebastian. They were heading for the parked car, the older male looked like he was going into a panic himself. Ignoring the stares of numerous pedestrians, he held Ciel close to his chest, willing him to control his breathing. "Remember what I've told you." Sebastian instructed calmly. "Breathe in, breathe out."

Ciel closed his eyes and concentrated on his breathing. His chest aching with the remnants of the forced memory still spinning in his head. He hadn't thought about Doll since the week after her funeral, he just couldn't replay those memories anymore. It was like swallowing glass, each time he ventured into reminiscing the panic attacks would descend upon him.

A sob wrenched itself from his throat causing Sebastian to stop and look down at Ciel's face. Worry and fear shot through the man's heart. He could not fathom what was triggering Ciel's panic attacks nor could he understand why at that moment Ciel appeared distraught. Sebastian took a deep breath and resumed walking with a sobbing Ciel in his arms. Once they reached the car, he opened the back passenger door and gingerly placed Ciel across the plush leather seats.

"Just close your eyes and try to calm down." He said before closing the door. The drive back to Sebastian's apartment was quiet, except for the occasional sniffling from the younger male lying down across the back seats.

Sebastian was beyond confused and as he drove, the scene at the restaurant continued to replay itself in his head. All he had done was kiss Ciel, it wasn't as if he had forced himself onto him. The flirting was obvious, he knew Ciel wanted to kiss him, so why did that trigger the attack? They were having such a good time, but was he reading too much into their relationship?

Sebastian frowned, no he scolded himself, he was positive that Ciel wanted him just as badly as he wanted the fascinating young man. So what happened? Why did a kiss turn into Ciel clutching his head screaming and fighting for air? Ciel was withholding secrets, Sebastian decided as he weaved the car through the holiday traffic, and he would not rest until he discovered what was internally destroying the college student he had fallen in love with.

He gripped the steering wheel tightly, he knew he cared for Ciel, but it was only recently that he understood just how deep that sentiment ran. It was last week when Ciel had gone away for the Thanksgiving weekend with his parents, Sebastian had not seen or heard from him for five straight days and it had driven him mad. The emptiness of a life without Ciel had thrust itself in his face and when Ciel showed up the following Monday at his studio unannounced, he had to close his eyes to contain the tremendous surge of joy and rage that threatened to overwhelm him.

He knew right there, he was in love with Ciel Phantomhive.

"I want to go to Rockefeller Center." A strained voice demanded from the back seat. Sebastian glanced at the rearview mirror and was met with a pair of glassy blue eyes.

"Now?" He questioned, arching one dark eyebrow.

Ciel nodded his head slowly. "Yes, please."

Dark ruby eyes took in the pained expression and he knew this was bigger than anything he could hope to resolve. But it did not matter; whatever Ciel's issue was, the fact remained that Sebastian had grown extremely attached to him. Three months ago he had toyed with the idea of going back home to England out of severe home sickness. Now, after spending the last two months with Ciel, the thought of leaving New York was completely alien to him. When he was with Ciel, he was home. No, it was more like Ciel himself was home. He was everything comfort and security should be.

In such a short amount of time the younger male had Sebastian completely and willingly conquered. Three years of hidden loneliness, three long years of establishing a successful dance studio and feeling emptiness because there was no one he could share his success with. It was a short amount of time, but it was enough to set his sights on returning home to family, friends, and everything familiar. Until he met Ciel.

"Are we to see the tree?" Sebastian smiled at Ciel through the mirror. "For the entire time I've been in New York, do you know I've never been there?" He was met with a blank stare and silence.

The short drive to 6th Avenue was absent of any conversation, traffic making the trip longer than it should have been so Sebastian decided to look for a garage to park the car. As soon as they left the car near Rockefeller Center they took to walking through the throng of holiday crowds. No words were exchanged and Sebastian was careful not to grab Ciel's hand, the last thing he wanted to do was set off another attack.

They strolled past large golden sculptures of angels and giant colorful toy soldiers, crowds of giddy adults, delighted children and picture snapping tourists swarming around the famed ice rink. The two men never spared a glance, they both had their eyes trained on the massive, multiple lit sparkling Christmas tree at the center of it all.

Ciel looked up at the tree known as the world wide symbol of the New York City holiday season. It was huge, indescribably beautiful and . . . Doll.

To his surprise, Sebastian felt a small cold hand take ahold of his. He turned and gave a questioning look to Ciel and was met with a vulnerable and yet oddly apologetic smile. Ciel bit his bottom lip and closed his eyes for a brief second. Sebastian felt a tug at his heart as a shimmering tear spilled slowly down the pale cheek. Life seemed to stand still around them and all he could care to see was the young man who had so quickly enraptured him. If he could carry the weight of trouble for him he would do it without hesitation. Ciel opened his damp eyes and faced Sebastian.

"There's something you need to know me about me." His voice shook as he squeezed Sebastian's hand. "And it's going to change the way you look at me." Blue eyes darkened. "The way you feel about me."

The tall male nodded his head, clenching his jaw in nervous anticipation for whatever Ciel had to tell him. He knew it was something serious, perhaps even life altering, but he was already so emotionally invested in the NYU student and nothing Ciel was going to reveal to him was going to force him to leave the young man's side. Nothing would change the way he felt for him.

"You can tell me anything." He gently replied, squeezing Ciel's hand in return. "Whatever you have to tell me will not alter how I view you nor how I feel about you." Sebastian offered a reassuring smile. "I promise."

Years from now he would look back at that moment in his life when he was surrounded by thousands of New York City pedestrians walking, talking, flashing pictures, laughing in the bitter winter night. He would recall the glittering bluish green lights, the golden yellow glow and raspberry pink hues dancing off a giant tree towering over an ice rink surrounded by billowing silver holiday flags and life sized statues of red suited toy soldiers. The smell of hot pretzels, the cold yet soft touch of Ciel's hand, the sparkle of tears on those long lashes. Sebastian would recall all of that because the three words Ciel uttered had branded that night, that moment into his mind, heart and soul, forever.

Ciel nodded and turned to fully face him. "Sebastian." He raised his head so their eyes could meet.

"I have cancer."

* * *

A/N: Thus ends the first arc of SMTB. Chapter 29 will be posted in about two weeks. I honestly need time to create the next couple of chapters because there is so much research involved in a story dealing with medical situations. To be honest, i never realized this story would become so lengthy. No worries though, i still have the driving force and passion to continue writing! Thanks again for your support!


	29. Chapter 29

_**GREETINGS!** _

_**I'm so happy to be back!** _

_**This chapter marks the beginning of the second arc so its going to be an even more crazy enotional adventure. You have been warned!** _

_**Thank you for the unbelievable reviews, I mean, seriously you guys make me just want to keep this story going on forever!** _

_**Big huge thanks to AnimeCujo for editing this chapter!** _

_**Read, Enjoy, Review, Favorite, Follow Thanks**_!

* * *

"Wh-what?" Sebastian stammered, red eyes widening as his brain attempted to process the confession that had just slipped from Ciel's lips. "What did you just say?"

Snow had started a steady descent upon the city, quickly coating the streets, cars, buildings and pedestrians in a thin blanket of powder soft ice. Temperatures had dropped leaving a biting chill in the air. The holiday season burned bright with luminous displays of colored lights and decorations and crowds of tourists and city dwellers alike reveled in the perfection of a white city tinged in glittering spectacles of holiday cheer. But in the middle of Rockefeller Center, the epitome of holiday seasonal joy and celebration, Sebastian felt the darkness of shock and despair swallow his heart in one monstrous gulp.

"I have leukemia, to be more accurate." Ciel spoke slowly, his voice trembling slightly. "I was diagnosed with it when I was 10, and up until two months ago I had been cancer free for three years." Taking a deep breath, he squeezed Sebastian's hand lightly. "But it came back."

A few minutes of silence was the only response from the older male. As unnerving as it was for Ciel to watch Sebastian quietly staring at the ground, Ciel was still aware of the warmth from his lover's hand. If he could hold onto to him through this ordeal, the pain and misery of treatment would be so much more bearable. It was a tremendous piece of news to lie onto Sebastian, but it had to be done and now that the truth was out, a feeling of freedom and relief rushed through Ciel's heart.

"Sebastian." He whispered, desperately tugging at his hand and willing the man to look at him. "You walked into my life the day after I found out and you're the reason I've been able to-"

"Two months." The two words slipped icily off the dancer's tongue as he continued to stare straight ahead. "Two, bloody, months." He stated again before dark red eyes slid over to fix their steely gaze on Ciel. "You knew for two months?"

"Y-yes." He stuttered nervously. "See, I was-" Sebastian wretched his hand away from Ciel's grasp, taking a step away to glare at the frightened young man. Dread swept into his heart as he looked at his lover's seething face. What's happening? He thought frantically. "So, you're telling me that the entire time I was with you, you knew about this." He reaffirmed through gritted teeth. "You kept something so serious from me for over two months, am I right, Ciel?" Sebastian hissed, growing rage evident in his face. "You have cancer. Christ, kill me!"

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner!" He apologized earnestly, a wave of fear rolling over him. "I just, I just couldn't tell you yet!" Ciel reached out again for his hand; a low cry leaving him as the appendage was brutally smacked away. "Sebastian, please!"

"Don't fucking touch me!" Sebastian hissed angrily. "How many lies have you told me thus far? What else have you been hiding?" Ciel shook his head, eyes welling up in tears. "Were you lying about shagging that doctor friend? Oh wait, Is he really even a doctor?" Sebastian snorted, his tone thick with contempt. "Maybe he's another one of your boy toys fucking you when you're allegedly going to school!"

"No! No! It's not like that!" Ciel cried clutching his own arms, desperately fighting to keep his tears from falling ."Oh, God please, Sebastian! I'm getting treatment! It's going to be fine!"

"It's not FINE!" He shot back, pacing back and forth like a wild animal trapped in a cage, fists clenched at his sides. "And why should I believe you? You've lied about that. Leading me on, telling me you loved me, Bloody hell! You had me believing I was your first!"

"You are my first!" Ciel cried. Sebastian ran his hand roughly through his hair, letting out a sharp breath. "I loved you, all this time . . . all this fucking time . . . you were lying to me. Keeping secrets from me."

"Sebastian, please listen." He begged, making another attempt grab his hand, but failing when the man recoiled from the action. Blue eyes dripped hot tears down Ciel's face as crimson burned with hatred that were once filled with love.

"Who else knew?" Sebastian breathed, grabbing ahold of Ciel's collar and jerking him forward; their faces only inches apart. "Who else fucking knew?"

"My-my family." He whimpered, forcing himself to breathe evenly lest he pass out. "And Alois." Sebastian nodded slowly, apparent understanding spreading over his face. Carefully, he released Ciel and stared calmly at the young man.

"I see." He said in an emotionless voice "I wasn't important enough for you to tell." Ciel shook his head, opening his mouth to protest before the man cut him off. "You disgust me." Turning on his heel he glanced back for a moment. "Come. I'm taking you home." Sebastian stopped walking and dropped his head. "After that I never want to see you again." he turned his head slightly, red eyes cold and distant. "It's over."

"What? W-Why?!" Ciel remained rooted to the ground, his body shaking uncontrollably, fighting the impending panic that threatened to overwhelm him. "Are you serious? Are you fucking serious?!" He yelled.

Sebastian whirled around and pointed to Ciel. "There are secrets and there are lies, but this . . . this is unforgivable! What were you thinking? That you would have me entrapped and I would accept whatever you decided to give me? I would be so mindlessly in love with you that I would no doubt overlook the fact that you're dying!" His chest heaved with every breath he took. "You manipulated me!"

"You . . . you . . . " Ciel's mouth formed a tight thin line. Standing stoically among the bustling throng of holiday pedestrians, he lifted his face to look directly at Sebastian and felt a volcanic eruption of anger release within him. "You . . . bastard!" He spat, stepping closer to Sebastian and daring him with his eyes to move away from him. "I gave you all of me, I trusted you with everything I had to give, you pursued me and I surrendered my heart, my body, my life to you! And you've got the fucking nerve to call me a liar? To tell me I'm dying? To call me manipulative? You've got the nerve to break up with me?!" He finally screamed, his breath coming out in ragged puffs of white as he fought to compose himself.

"I love you! Sebastian! I love you! And this is how you react when I tell you that I have fucking cancer?!" Blue eyes blazed furiously. "I never manipulated you into loving me!"

"Is that so?" He snorted, shoving his hands in his coat pockets as he scowled at Ciel. "You never manipulated this situation between us?"

"Manipulate this situation between us?" Ciel repeated, frowning at the statement. "What the hell are you talking about?"

"I mean that you knew you were sick, yet you led me on until I was mad for you. Then when you had me hooked, you thought my love for you would keep me chained to your side, right?" He laughed bitterly. "So you lied, over and over again to form this sham of a relationship." He continued. "Tell me, Ciel. Who did you fuck first! The good doctor or me?"

Ciel felt a dull throbbing pain in his chest, he could feel his heart twisting and breaking apart with every breath he took. "I gave you everything I had." He whispered softly before breaking down; covering his face with his hands he sobbed quietly.

Sebastian watched with disinterest, his fury was palpable "Enough, come, I'm taking you home."

Ciel dropped his hands, shaking his head in disbelief. "You never loved me." His voice heavy with grief. "There's just no way you could have. This was all part of your game, right?"

"Don't you dare turn this on me." Sebastian growled. "You lied to me, remember?"

"I lied because I was afraid of this!" He cried, spreading his arms wide and locking eyes with the Englishman. "I was afraid of this nightmare coming true because that's all my life has been! One long fucking nightmare!" Without warning, Ciel turned around and swiftly dashed into the crowd of people.; before Sebastian could call out to him or react he had disappeared, seemingly swallowed up in a sea of people and gone from his sight.

The night air bit into his skin and it took a few minutes to register in his brain that he was still standing motionless, staring into a teeming mass of people, waiting to catch a glimpse of a shining mop of gray blue hair. Sebastian cursed himself, how could he not have noticed that his lover was ill? Why didn't he demand to learn more about the doctor who made house calls? Who the hell made house calls in this day and age?

"Bleeding idiot." He muttered, hanging his head. He squeezed his eyes shut and took a deep breath. "I can't do this with you, Ciel." Rivulets of tears streaked his pale cheeks, the world had become suddenly gray and the somber ghost of heartaches past embraced him with cold dead limbs. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."

Inside his heart he wept for the hurt that would follow in the weeks to come, for the loneliness to lay beside him in an empty bed, for the loss of yet another love that he had thought was meant to be.

In the end, everyone leaves, he thought bitterly, everyone.

"Why? Why? Why?" Ciel panted through choked sobs as he ran through snow covered streets, the chilled air burned his lungs as he gulped down his cries amidst the frigid atmosphere. "Why did he do this to me? Why?!"

Running blindly, block after block, Ciel felt the dizzying onslaught of panic slowly steeping into his chest "No, God, no not now!" He pleaded silently, his hand clutching the area over his palpitating heart. "Not now!" Cobalt eyes darted about, desperately searching for answers, options, reasons, anything to grab on to in a fruitless search for safety and security. Nothing, nothing, but the city blanketed in snow and half of New York occupying the streets.

Searching his pockets, Ciel fumbled around in search of his cell. Quickly scrolling through his contacts, he found the address he wanted and started his search for a taxi cab. He needed someone he could count on, someone who had never let him down, never handed him a hint of disappoint, never turned his back to him. He needed . . .

* * *

"Ciel?" Dr. Spears stared wide eyed at the disheveled and clearly distraught young man standing shaking in the doorway of his Upper Eastside luxury condo. "What are you doing here? What happened to you?"

Keen green eyes scanned his patient quickly, sending red flags in the doctor's mind. Ciel looked no better than a corpse, his skin was bone white, contrasting sharply with red rimmed eyes. His thin frame shook violently, while unsteady legs nearly buckled beneath him.

"H-he left me." Ciel choked out, fresh tears running freely down his cheeks. "Sebastian left me!" He reached out to the doctor before fully collapsing into his arms. Spears looped his arms around Ciel's midsection, struggling to hold up the grief stricken young man. "I can't do this anymore!" He wailed, burying his face onto the crook of the doctor's neck. His fingers dug into Spears's chest as a violent tremor raced through his body. Spears could not believe this was Ciel in his arms, loud lamentations pouring from his young patient's mouth.

" I can't! I can't! I want to . . . I want to fucking die right now!" Ciel looked up, his face twisted in anguish. "Just let me die, get it done already! I can't do this life, I don't want to do this anymore!" Shaking his head rapidly he held the doctor closer. "Make it stop hurting! Please! Everything is just fucking ripped out of me and there's nothing, there's nothing left for me! I'm tired of this shit, I want to die, I want to fucking die!" William grabbed Ciel's thin wrists and wrenched the clawing hands from his ripped shirt, wincing at the fresh scratches the young man had left on his chest.

"Ciel!" He ordered, looking pleadingly at the student's red splotched face as he struggled to hold him still. "Ciel! Look at me! Open your eyes and look at me!" Throwing his head back, Ciel emitted another jagged and tortured scream causing Spears to grasp the young man's shoulders and attempt to shake him out of the throes of agony. "Ciel! I'm here, I'm right here" He stated firmly. "Tell me what happened. Please calm down and talk to me!" Grabbing his face, Spears frowned at the clamminess of his patient's pale skin.

Ciel opened his mouth to speak, but instead doubled over; pushing the older male away from him and promptly retching all over the dark hardwood floors. Loud pants and gasps echoed in the air as Ciel heaved once more. The sickening sound of splattering liquid was a momentary replacement for the coughing sobs that followed "I-I'm sorry!" Ciel spat, voice course and raw after his stomach had finally emptied itself "I'm so sorry!"

"Don't apologize." The doctor stepped around the pool of vomit and held Ciel around the waist with one arm as he soothingly rubbed his back. "You're harming yourself like this. I'm begging you to take a deep breath and let me take care of you."

Ciel hung his head in deep shame, how could he have suddenly shown up at his doctor's home in this state? Carrying on like a madman, bawling and then throwing up all over his floor, what had possessed him to feel he could do such a thing?

A warm and firm body pressed against his back and he could feel himself being soothed by Spears's hand gently kneading small circles into his tense muscles. His stomach clenched painfully as he recalled his heartache and a fresh wave of tears began to fall once again. His thin body, weakened by the vomiting, suddenly crumpled to the ground in a listless heap.

"Don't let me go." He rasped, grabbing the doctor's arm. Spears lifted Ciel to his feet, fighting to keep the young man from falling again.

"Ciel!" He quickly enveloped him in his arms. "You have to calm down! You can't do this or you-," As if on cue, blood began pouring from the younger's nose, trickling steadily down his lips, over his chin and right onto the doctors shoulder. "Shit!" Spears cursed, gathering up Ciel in his arms and hurriedly carrying him bridal style into the master bathroom. This was bad, really bad.

"Hang on, Ciel." He calmly demanded, the situation had become dire and immediate action was needed. "I won't let you go, but you have to get into the shower." The faucets were turned on and steam rose as the sound of rushing water filled the large bathroom.

Spears had leaned Ciel against the wall in order to undress the limp and defeated form before him. He noted the wretched state his patient was in and fury boiled inside of him. What had Sebastian done to his beloved boy? What could have possibly transpired between the lovers to leave Ciel begging for his own death.

"Don't let go!" Ciel cried, clutching Spears's shoulders as he was led into the shower stall. The bleeding had thankfully ceased, but his eyes were wild with grief and his body shook as he began to cry convulsively.

"Easy, Ciel." The doctor soothed, his own hands shaking as he held Ciel's naked waist and stepped into the shower with him fully clothed. "Didn't I just tell you that I wouldn't let you go?" Ciel nodded, his mind a blurred mixture of emotions could barely register the heated water washing away the vomit and blood from his skin, but he was aware of the protective presence looming over his frail body.

In that moment, his fractured heart felt a dull throb of peace.

* * *

'I understand this is last minute, but Ciel is in a physically vulnerable state right now.' Spears spoke lowly into his cellphone, glancing at the partially opened doorway of his bedroom. 'Switch his therapy to Monday morning. If there are any issues, refer all complaints to me and I will handle them.' He took a deep breath, pinching the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger. A headache had begun to emerge and the current situation was far from over.

'What's going on with Ciel?' Vanessa's voice was thick with concern. She was quite used to her boss's late night business related phone calls; however, something in the tone of his voice frightened her. The usually stoic, emotionless oncologist had sounded, affected.

'It's nothing you need to be concerned with at this moment but speak to him on Monday if you want to know.' Spears sighed.

'Fine.' She huffed. 'I'll go into the office tomorrow morning and set up the changes. Goodnight, Dr. Spears.' Setting his phone down on the coffee table, nervous eyes glanced back to the low lit bedroom. An uneasy silence filled his spacious condo.

After cleaning up Ciel, Spears had wrapped the young man in a large robe and tucked him into his bed. Ciel had begged him to stay by his side, but Spears would not give in until he had changed into dry clothes and rescheduled Ciel's chemotherapy appointment to a different date. As it stood, he was supposed to be at the hospital bright and early the following morning. His patient was far too overwhelmed with sorrow to muster any strength for five hours of treatment.

Walking back into his room, Spears felt his heart throb painfully at the sight of a despondent Ciel lying against a mountain of pillows. His once bright eyes were clouded in misery as they stared unfocused and distant at his lifeless hands resting on the dark green blanket. Rose lips were turned down at the corners quivering with another wave of trembling whimpers. He wept quietly, the affliction of a broken heart marring his beautiful face.

Spears approached the bed cautiously. "May I?" He asked softly, gesturing towards the space next to Ciel. He looked up, suddenly aware of Spears presence.

"Y-yes, of c-course." He stammered, wiping his eyes with the sleeve of the robe. "I'm sorry, this is . . . " Ciel shook his head, covering his face with his hands. "Humiliating." He whispered.

"I have witnessed you in far worse conditions than this." Spears reached out and tugged Ciel's hands away from his face. "I am the last person you should feel ashamed around."

"Look at me, I feel like I'm dying." He sniffed. "Like I'm gutted, like he just took a knife and cleaned me out." Slipping his hands from Spears grasp, Ciel pressed his palms against his chest. "All I wanted was to feel alive, to know about love before . . . before . . ." His voice cracked with the pain of his words.

It was difficult to watch the once vibrant young man he loved appear before him as such a forlorn and broken piece of human being. Anger once again rose hot and poisoned within the doctor, how could anyone want to hurt Ciel? How could anyone hold this perfect creation of mankind in their arms and willingly fling him aside in such a heartless manner?

"Tell me everything, Ciel." He urged tenderly, offering comfort with the promise to listen without judgment. "I am here for you regardless of what you or that man have done. I am here to help you however and to whatever capacity you need from me."

"I need this hurt to go away!" Ciel cried, falling into Spears's arms and pulling the doctor into an embrace. "I fell in love with Sebastian and he told me he loved me too! I gave him everything, I gave him . . . me." Spears stiffened upon hearing this words and tightened his grip on the shaking body he held so lovingly in his arms. "I finally told him that I had cancer and do you know what he said to me?!" Ciel looked up at his doctor, face red and streaked with new tears. "He said I lied and manipulated him! He told me he never wanted to see me again and that it was over!"

Spears nodded, mulling over the situation. "Did you explain to him how difficult it has been for you living with cancer?"

"He didn't give me a chance!" Ciel shut his eyes, replaying the horrifying scene over and over in his head. "You know, for the first time in three years, I thought about Doll." He admitted sorrowfully, lowering his head. "And her memory nearly destroyed me." A shudder ran through his body. "I loved her so much." He sat up straight, a bitter smile on his face. "And she left me, just like Sebastian. She broke my heart when she left me behind."

"She deserved your love, Ciel. Spears cupped the delicate chin and tilted his head to face him. "Clearly Sebastian did not." He continued. "I have dedicated a good portion of my life to saving you and that mongrel does not deserve to undo the unbelievable amount of time and dedication you, your family and I have given to your survival." He gripped Ciel's chin tighter and drew their faces together until they were mere inches apart. "Whatever it takes, I will make you want to live again. You will overcome this because you are that evergreen tree. Full of life and beauty, full of an insurmountable stubbornness and resilience that not even death can nor will overcome you, Ciel Phantomhive." Blue eyes widened with unspoken shock at the powerful words.

Ciel opened his mouth to reply but was cut off by his doctor's sudden declaration. "And yes, I promise you, beyond the darkness that demon plunged you into, you will find it in your courageous and perfect heart to one day love again."

* * *

'He what?' Rachel gripped her phone tightly, blue eyes narrowing. 'That son of a bitch!' She spat.

Vincent looked up from the newspaper he had been reading at the kitchen table. They had been enjoying their Saturday morning together, planning Ciel's birthday brunch over a cup of coffee when the phone rang. He watched his golden haired wife pick up the phone and morph into a stricken woman in less than a minute. "Rachel, what's wrong?" He frowned.

His wife turned to him, her face a severe mixture of barely controlled rage and indescribable grief "Sebastian broke it off with Ciel." She hissed. "I'm on the phone with Dr. Spears. Ciel stayed with him last night."

"Wait, what?" Vincent rose quickly from his seat. "Why did he break up with Ciel? And why the hell did our son stay at his doctor's home?" Rachel shushed him and returned her attention to the person on the other line.

'How was he this morning? He's still sleeping? Oh, I see. Well, thank heavens we have you in our lives! Please, call me when he's up and dressed; we will pick him up.' She nodded as she listened intently. 'Are you sure?' Rachel questioned worriedly. 'But you've already done so much, yes, alright, if you think that's best. Thank you, Dr. Spears and bless you.'

She hung up, her face stony and mind deep in thought. Her son who had withstood so much in his short life, her beloved boy, was heartbroken. The doctor had insisted on allowing Ciel to not only sleep in, but remain under his care and watchful eye for all of Saturday.

"Vincent." Rachel whispered, placing the phone back on its receiver. "Ciel told Sebastian about his cancer and he broke up with him." She clenched her jaw. "He broke up with our son on his 21st birthday and left him in the middle a New York City street!"

Vincent drew a shaky breath. "Why is Ciel with Dr. Spears?" He asked slowly.

"He was so distraught," she felt the imminent release of her own tears, "that he went to his doctor's home and had a complete nervous and physical breakdown!"

The light of her life, the prince of her heart, was devastated. Rachel's body shook as she silently wept for her sweet boy who never knew when his impending death would occur, had never caused harm to anything or anyone and who only wished to live long enough to understand and experience true love.

Vincent walked around the table and swept Rachel into his arms, holding her tightly. "Ciel is a strong young man, he's been through Hell and back" He stated, unsure of what to say, he shook his head. "What was that bastard thinking, leaving our son that way?"

I'll make him wish he never laid eyes on him, he vowed.

* * *

"Claude! Quit it! You're too big!" He complained

"Stop being so childish, give me your hand." Instructing in an annoyed tone.

"No! You've hurt me enough! Besides, I don't know how to do it!" The young man panicked.

"Trust me." Claude leaned forward until he was at eye level with his mop top headed love. "I'll lead the way."

For a solid hour the dancer had attempted to educate Alois in the art of ballroom dancing; to be more precise, the art of the mambo. It had never occurred to the multi-talented performer that his sleek and perfectly lean boyfriend had two left feet. For the most part, Alois tripped and stumbled, cursing Claude for being 'ginormous' and muttering under his breath every time his foot was crushed by Claude's lightening quick steps.

"This is supposed to be like a seriously erotic and sexual dance!" Alois pouted. "I'm going to be crippled by the time you're done with me!" Claude laughed heartily, although he had a full Saturday schedule ahead of him, he still found time to enjoy his little imp.

"Your problem is the lack of swiveling in your hips." He purred, tightening his arm around the small waist and grinding himself into Alois's pelvis.

"Oh, is that so?" He moaned, gripping Claude's back with both hands. "Can you demonstrate that move again? I want to get it just right." Alois grinned.

Their eyes met, ice blue and golden amber, like the sun setting gently upon crystalline waters, and for a moment the spicy Latin beats pouring seductively from Claude's mp3 player was soon forgotten as their lips inched closer to each other . . .

"Claude!"

The sudden shout from the doorway almost caused the tall dancer to drop his shocked partner. Claude looked up quickly, his heart clenched at the sight of Sebastian. He hadn't seen Sebastian this distressed since that day when . . .

"Sebastian!" Claude released Alois and rushed to his friend's side. "What's wrong?" Sebastian's hair was a scattered mess, dark bags hung under reddened eyes and his clothing was in complete disarray as if he had slept in them. The look on his face was that of a grieving man.

"After the benefit gala." Sebastian breathed heavily. "The morning after, we're leaving on holiday to London, you and me both."

He blinked. "Are you mad? What the bloody hell are you talking about?"

Sebastian placed his hands on his friends shoulder and squeezed lightly. "I've bought the tickets already and rang up mum. It's best this way."

Claude shook his head, this was all too confusing. "The benefit is right before Christmas! I-I planned on spending Christmas here!" He frowned "What about Ciel?"

Sebastian's eyes flashed with anger. "It's over between us!" He growled lowly.

"What did you just say?" Both men turned their attention to Alois who had been standing quietly by, observing Sebastian's strange behavior.

"I said, it's over." He repeated slowly. "Your friend is nothing more than a fucking liar."

"Wha-what did you . . . what did you do to him?" Alois shouted, lunging at the Englishman with fists raised much to Claude's surprise. Before he could reach Sebastian, he was caught by strong arms and he struggle to lash out the man in front of him. "Let go!" Alois yelled, fruitlessly punching at the air. "You asshole! What did you do to Ciel?'

"Sebastian! What's going on!" Claude demanded furiously. "Why would you call Ciel a liar?"

"Last night he revealed to me that throughout our entire time together, he never told me that he had cancer." Sebastian's voice cold, hurt evident in his eyes. "And the best part is that everyone knew; everyone! Except me!" Locking eyes with a fuming Alois, he raised his hand and pointed at him. "Even you." He stated evenly. "Even you knew and I didn't."

A chill ran down Alois's spine; he had feared this would happen. Nights had been spent staring at his lover's sleeping form and more than once he had wondered with great trepidation if Claude would be angry at him for keeping Ciel's illness a secret. But as quickly as that fear came, it quickly left, for in its place came a righteous fury towards the man who might possibly have broken his best friend's heart.

"Alois." Claude reached for his hand. "Is this true?"

He shrugged the hand away and glared at Sebastian. "It was not my secret to tell." He bit out, eyes narrowed and fierce. "But I will tell you this, he refused treatment for a full month and kept all of us in the dark because of you." Sebastian's eyes widened.

"Me?" He gasped. "What the hell?"

"Ciel's been fighting leukemia since he's 10 years old!" Aloiss' voice trembled with anger. "He's been home schooled half his life, in and out of hospitals, he almost died at least three times and all he ever wanted was to grow up and be normal, like going to college, having friends," he paused, "and falling in love." A bitter chuckle left his lips. "He was cancer free for three years, but it came back just before he met you and you know what? He was afraid if he told you that you would run."

Silence descended among the trio until Sebastian, with shoulders slumped, cleared his throat. "Why did he think I would run from him?" He asked quietly.

"Because he didn't know if he was enough for you to want to stick around" Alois gritted his teeth. "What did you do when he told you?"

"I-I . . . l . . . " Sebastian ran his hands through his hair and sighed. "Fuck."

"Sebastian?" Claude turned to his friend. "What did you say to him?"

Guilt laid heavy and unforgiving across Sebastian's heart. The weight of the news slammed into him so hard that he could barely wrap his mind around it. His blue eyed prize, the elusive butterfly who had turned the tables on him and held him captive had harbored a deadly secret from him for over two months. And he knew deep down inside that it wasn't so much the lying that had sent him over the edge; it was the possibility of loss.

Everyone leaves in the end . . .

Sebastian let loose a shuddering breath. "I can't lose my heart again, Claude. I can't do this again."

"Lose your heart? You fucking left him!" Alois yelled furiously. "Is he home? I'm calling him!" A pair of long arms swiftly encircled the young man's waist, effortlessly pulling him back.

"Wait." Claude demanded, tightening his hold as Alois struggled to free himself. "I'm not giving this idiot the luxury of letting someone else do his dirty work but honestly, how did you feel when Ciel told you his secret?" Alois dropped his head, remembering the hurt, the betrayal, the feeling of helplessness knowing his best friend couldn't confide such news to him.

"I get that." He clenched his jaw and raised his head towards Sebastian. "But I didn't act like a little bitch when he finally told me."

"Piss off!" Sebastian scowled, as much as the entire situation infuriated him, the facts behind Ciel's illness touched him deeply. If he could have remained calm , listened to his lover's explanation and learned about his past, perhaps he could have understood why he had lied to him.

But would he still have stayed? Would their love for one another be enough to risk living a life perched precariously between life and death? Could he survive another possible permanent loss? Could he recover again?

"Do you love him?" Claude's calm voice snapped him out of his hazy thoughts.

"Do I love him?" He repeated tiredly.

"Yeah asshole, do you love him?" Alois snarled, pulling away from Claude. "He's had 10 years of disappointments, thinking he's going to live, then die, then live, then die again. He deserves love. Half of his life's been all about fighting to stay alive, hoping and hoping and just hoping that the next year will be better than the last. All the while he's watching his family suffer and sacrifice and he can't do a damn thing about it. But let me tell you something about my friend." Lifting his chin, Alois gave Sebastian a wry smile. "Not once, in all the years I've known him, have I ever heard him complain. He's the strongest, bravest person I know and I thank God he's decided to be my best friend because I wouldn't be who I am now if it weren't for him." A warm hand brushed tenderly against the span of Alois's back, turning his head he was met with gold eyes honey warm with adoration.

"He's very lucky to have you, love." Claude whispered. "As so am I."

Sebastian watched the loving exchange and felt the heat of shame coloring his face. There was too much still to grapple with, however, an apology and a long talk were definitely in order. Did he love Ciel? Yes, a million times over, yes he was deeply in love with his blue eyed prize.

Whipping out his cell, he scrolled through his contacts and tapped Ciel's number. Nervously tapping his foot, he glanced up to find the two lovers sharing an amorous kiss.

"Oi!" He barked, clearly annoyed. "I'm still here!" To which Alois flipped him off. The phone rang several times before it was finally answered. 'Ciel!' Sebastian spoke hurriedly for fear that Ciel would immediately hang up. 'Before you say anything please hear me out!'

'Who is this?' A cool voice inquired on the other end of the call.

Sebastian frowned, checked the number, he had dialed correctly. 'This is Sebastian.' he spoke slowly, keeping his tone calm. 'Who is this answering Ciel's phone?

'This is Dr. William T. Spears.' The man answered calmly.

'Doctor.' He echoed, his heart beginning to race. 'Where's Ciel?'

'Ciel is staying with me.' Spears replied coolly. Sebastian felt every ounce of blood leave his face as the doctor continued speaking. 'I suggest you cease all communications with him since he no longer wishes to see nor speak with you.'

'Put him on the phone right now!' He yelled. 'I want to hear him say that to me!'

Alois whipped his head around, dumbfounded by what he had just heard, who was on the other line?

'He's currently sleeping in my bed, Sebastian.' Spears chuckled. 'I hope you realize that out of everyone in his life, he came to me when you so heartlessly threw him to the side. I've been by his side for 10 years and I will be by his side regardless of his condition . . . unlike you.'

'I-I didn't . . . I mean . . . ' His voice faded away as insecurity washed over him. No matter how much he wanted to argue, the doctor was right. Sebastian had reacted so horribly to the news that it seemed as if Ciel had run into the arms of another man; the exact same man he had so viciously accused him of sleeping with.

'Don't be too hard on yourself.' Spears soothed, a hint of smugness in his tone. 'It's not easy information to digest and in the long run, this separation is probably for the best" He smiled at the shocked gasp on the line. 'Ciel should be with someone who can fully understand what is happening and be there for him during the dark times. Can you do that?'

'I-I . . . don't know.' Sebastian breathed, letting the logic sink in. Could he really open himself up again to the possibility of losing someone he loved? Wasn't it better just to get out now before things became too hard?

'I see.' The doctor hummed. 'I suggest then that you take your uncertainty and leave Ciel alone. There is no room for that sort of negative attitude in a battle between life and death. Good night, Sebastian.' A soft click was heard as the call went dead.

Sebastian stared at his cell, mouth open and eyes wide as he tried to process what had just happened; the sound of the dial tone deafening and final.

 


	30. Chapter 30

_**Greetings you uber fantastic skullzzzzz!** _ _  
_

_**Over 50 reviews from the last chapter alone!** _

_**Dang people! Early update this week of chapter 31 as a sign of my adoration to you awesome readers! How does Wednesday sound? I do love me Hump Day! LOL** _

_**I'm thinking I need to up the drama quotient on SMTB! Now that I'm on vacation for a couple of weeks I will be able to respond to everyone who has been amazing enough to share their ideas and feelings with me. I thank you all with much love to those willing to read and respond to my work, you have no idea what it all means to me,** _

_**A special thank you to my darling AnimeCujo for her exiting skillzzz, support and friendship.** _

* * *

_Mt. Sinai Hospital, Cancer Research Center_

_New York City_

_December_

_3 years earlier_

"I'm going to do so much. I don't know where to start." Came the bold statement.

Dr. Spears glanced up from a pile of folders, reports and paperwork encompassing the majority of his desk space. Quirking an eyebrow, the physician tapped his black pen against the frame of his glasses. "Perhaps you should start with cleaning your room. Your mother seems to think you live among biohazard materials." He teased.

Perched atop a windowsill, the sun illuminating a patch of his glossy blue black hair, Ciel threw a mock scowl at his doctor. "I'm 17, it's what we do." He claimed proudly.

"Is that so?" Spears hummed. "What is first on your list?" Placing his pen down, he eased back in his leather office chair and crossed his arms. Ciel shrugged, looking out the window, idly observing the active city streets below.

"I don't know, maybe college? I'd like to go to school with other people my age instead of being home schooled." He mused out loud.

"That sounds reasonable." The oncologist agreed, nodding his approval.

"Make some friends." The teen added. "Or at least make an attempt at making friends."

"That is to be expected." He nodded again in agreement.

"And maybe . . ." Ciel bit his lower lip, pausing to look back at Spears shyly. "Meet someone, special. . . "

A rare smile stretched across the doctor's face as he regarded Ciel's tentative remark. "All in good time young man." He replied, reaching out to grasp his patient's hand. "All in good time."

_Present day_

"I'm not hungry!" Standing in the middle of his bedroom, Dr. Spears cursed the day he had once admired Ciel's stubborn nature. It was 8 pm, Sunday night and the young man had refused food since the previous evening. Knowing that his patient's stomach was empty, thanks to his vomiting all over the floor of his foyer, did not help ease Spears's anxiety. "And if I'm not hungry then why do I need to eat something?" He complained.

"In spite of that, you need to eat. I've made you soup, see?" The doctor held out the tray with the bowl of steaming chicken soup as if to prove his statement. Cocooned in a bundle of sheets and a large comforter, Ciel had buried himself further into the bed as if he were hiding underneath a fortress.

"Doctor . . . " He whined.

"Ciel, I do not mind the fact that you've given yourself asylum in my bed since last night; however, I will not tolerate a hunger strike." Spears admonished, attempting to peer into the pile of blankets.

"But, Doctor . . ." Sounded another muffled reply.

"Furthermore, you have chemotherapy in which requires a certain amount of energy to withstand, now please, eat!" He ordered, thrusting the tray towards Ciel.

He poked his head out from under the covers. "But, Doctor Spears!" He moaned plaintively.

"Will." He corrected.

"Wha-excuse me?" Ciel blinked, slowly sitting up.

"My name is William." Spears motioned for him to scoot back and placed the tray across his lap. "After all this time, I believe it is perfectly acceptable for us to be on a first name basis." He handed Ciel a napkin and sat in a chair besides the bed. "We are friends, aren't we?" Spears asked hopefully, the young man nodding quickly.

"Yea, yes, you're right. Um, thank you, Will. Thank you so much." He whispered, blushing.

"No need, Ciel." He said, giving him a reassuring pat on his leg. "I will always be here for you, no matter the situation. You are very important to me and I would do anything for you; anything" The blush deepened on Ciel's cheeks.

"O-okay." He stammered, earning a small smile in response.

"There's no rush to leave." The doctor stated matter of factly. "I changed your chemotherapy to Monday morning and I spoke to your mother already." Ciel's eyes widened with surprise. "She agreed it was best you remain under my care and supervision for the rest of the week."

Ciel frowned. "I'm not a complete invalid! I think I can go home and take care of myself without supervision!" He grabbed a spoon off the tray and began eating with annoyance clearly written over his face.

"I'm sorry, but when it comes to you, I am compelled to care for you. Your health and wellbeing both physically, as well as emotionally, has always been my top priority." He reasoned and sighing heavily. "Forgive me if I overstep my boundaries."

"Why?" Ciel asked, swallowing another bite of the rather tasty soup.

Spears tilted his head. "Hm?"

"Why am I your top priority?" He returned, lowering the spoon and giving his doctor a questioning look. "Why am I your favorite? Your special patient?"

"I'd rather not say." Coughing slightly, Spears averted his eyes from the curious stare.

"Why not?" He inquired, blinking several times and waiting patiently for an answer. Shaking his head, Spears cleared his throat.

"This is not about me, Ciel. What is important is helping you through this ordeal." Green eyes shown warmly, reminding him of cool plush summer grass; inviting and comforting.

"I'm trying to hold on to the anger so I don't have to feel the pain." Ciel muttered, wiping away a stray tear. "It's kind of working because I keep seeing how mad he was at me and just thinking about the things he said to me . . . how could he have loved me and at the same time tell me that I disgusted him?" He drew in a quick breath as his calm state crumbled, tears making gleaming paths down the pale cheeks. "I'm sorry." He gasped, furiously wiping his face with the sheets.

"It's alright, Ciel." Spears soothed, reaching to hold the trembling hand.

"No! It's not alright!" He cried. "H-he used me! I loved him so much! I've never been ashamed of having cancer, never! But at that moment when he lost his temper with me, I fucking despised myself!" Ciel sniffed, lifting his head to give Spears a pained expression. "I lied to him, Will! I lied to him and this is my punishment! It's the only way I can justify why I'm going through this!"

"Do you truly believe you deserved what he did to you?" Spears tsked, rising fron the chair and quickly settling himself next to Ciel on the bed. "Are you certain that you are completely at fault here?" He asked insistently.

"I lied . . ." Ciel trailed off, unable to face his doctor's steady gaze.

"Was he 100 percent honest with you? Did he hand you broken promises?" Spears prodded carefully.

100 percent, Ciel closed his eyes as the phrase echoed achingly within his mind.

"No." He whimpered, blue eyes awash with tears "He told me he loved me more than his own life. That he would never leave me. He promised to never let me go . . ." Spears's sucked in a sharp surprised breath as Ciel laced his fingers into the much larger hand and squeezed lightly. "I'm a fucking liar and a fool on top of everything!" He berated himself.

The doctor emitted a low grunt of disapproval. "You lied because you were afraid he would only see you as a person with cancer and not as Ciel Phantomhive, the talented photographer, brilliant NYU student, classical violinist, dutiful son, loving nephew and cousin, faithful friend." He soothed and tugged at Ciel's hand. "And handsome young man." Spears grinned, making Ciel blush again. "He lied in order to obtain his own needs. In the end he did you a tremendous favor."

"Really?" Ciel snorted. "And what favor was that?"

"He gave you back your freedom." He patiently informed. "Unchained you from the lies and two months of hiding the truth as if you were a dirty secret must have been very difficult for you." Ciel nodded as his doctor continued. "As despicable as this disease is, it has never defined you. Cancer is a part of your life, but it is not your life and thus, you should never deny the obstacle you so bravely face time and time again. It would be the same as admitting defeat."

"It was difficult." Ciel admitted, the logic starting to make sense now. "There was never any true peace when I was with him. I mean, I felt loved, I felt alive, but it was always in the back of my head and it kept me from being . . . 100 percent." Ciel grimaced at his choice of words. "I thought it would all work out for the best when I finally told him the truth. I'm an idiot."

"No, no, no." Spears refuted. "You are young and trusting, but not an idiot."

"I-I know this sounds crazy, but I still love him." It was a truth Ciel could not deny, the bond he had with his lover was strong and it would take time for it to eventually fade away.

"I see." He said evenly, pushing his glasses further up the bridge of his nose. "The man is quite like heroin."

"Heroin?" Ciel asked.

"Addicting, pleasurable, leaves you euphoric." Spears explained. "You know he is destroying you slowly, but as we speak, you feel as if you cannot fight it." Ciel watched as feather light fingertips traced up his own arm making him shiver slightly at the feeling. "The withdrawal will be difficult, however, the final product will be a Ciel at peace with himself and the world."

"Fuck." Ciel blew out a frustrated breath. "Too bad they don't have heartbreak meth clinics!" He pouted before devouring another spoonful of soup. To his surprise, he was extremely hungry.

I will be your methadone, I will ease the pain and make you forget him, Spears promised silently.

"Enough!" Ciel placed the utensil back into the bowl and pushed the tray away. "I'm getting out of this bed and taking a shower!" He gave the man a look of determination.

"How intrepid." Spears quipped, amusement danced in his eyes.

"Is that humor coming from my doctor?" Ciel smirked, untangling himself from the bed sheets.

"No." Chuckled Spears, helping Ciel out of bed, being careful not to knock over the tray and its contents. "That is sarcasm coming from your friend."

Thin arms wrapped around the doctor's lean waist. "Thank you, for everything." Ciel whispered, hugging him tightly. "You have no idea how much your help and support means to me."

"My pleasure." He purred, inhaling the scent of his beautiful boy.

In the days that followed the tumultuous breakup between Ciel and Sebastian the world moved in a hazy and often times burdensome pace. A constant dull ache nestled within Ciel's chest disrupting his sleep, robbing him of an appetite and hindering his sense of time and reason. Thus, the peace he so desperately needed in order to form rational thoughts and conclusions, eluded him. Overtired, weak, devastated, angry, and resentful, a parade of emotions trampled their way through Ciel's fragile heart; all the while Dr. Spears watched with dutiful care as his patient delved deeper and deeper into despair.

Ciel's last chemo treatment was, to put it mildly, a nightmare.

The morning procedure proved to be slow torture, five hours of thinking, thinking and more thinking whirling in the young man's mind. Laying listless and drained, Ciel thought of nothing else, but the two months he had spent loving and being loved by Sebastian.

He thought about the first time they met, how Sebastian had pulled him away from the edge of a panic attack. The time at The Red Lion, him running down the block before being held safe in his arms; about their walk through Central Park which led to the first kiss. The cupcake store, the barter system, the Halloween parade and candlelight, black and lavender roses, his pocket watch, making love . . .

During the treatment, he remembered his mother's reassuring voice and Nurse Angela's firm and comforting hand against his back; Dr. Spears had sat next to him on the hospital bed. The physician remained by his side for two out of the five hours even though Vanessa had called him several times on his cell screaming that his appointments were ready and to set the office on fire if didn't come back upstairs.

It touched Ciel deeply, that the doctor had such affections for him and he found himself wanting to return those feelings, if for no other reason than to thank him for all he had done and been in the student's life. However, deep within his soul, Ciel knew that his love truly belonged to Sebastian. No matter how badly he had been hurt by the dancer, just the simple thought of those crimson eyes set his blood racing like no one else before.

Dr. Spears was different though; he never raised his voice, never lied, never gave up. He had always held Ciel in his arms as if he were a delicate and cherished treasure. Yes, the doctor was a safe haven in the young man's stormy world. He would be strong when Ciel didn't know if he could go on anymore and he would help see him through his treatments and now, the mending of his broken heart.

Ciel groaned in frustration; he had to get over Sebastian, he had to move on. There was someone else who cared for him now; someone who would never hurt him like that. Turning swiftly to his side, Ciel buried his face into his pillow and sobbed as the subtle beeping of heart monitors echoed in the sterile hospital air.

* * *

Rachel Phantomhive wiped a stray tear from her cheek while clutching a folder filled with invitations and response cards in her other hand. It was early afternoon late in the week and she had just finished recounting the events of Ciel's disastrous breakup with Sebastian to Angelina. Most of the day had been spent collecting information, organizing table seating and placing last minute phone calls for the rapidly approaching gala cancer benefit which was scheduled for this coming Saturday. Dr. Durless was in charge of the entire event, but Rachel was a constant help, much to the fiery redheads relief. Yet, at that moment, a charity for young cancer patients was the last thing on the doctor's mind.

"And he left him? Just like that?!" Angelina snapped her fingers, wine red eyes blazing with shock and rage. "That son of a bitch!" She exclaimed loudly, tapping away furiously on her laptop. "Would it be too barbaric to hire a hit man to find the bastard and cut his dick off!"

"God forgive us." Rachel muttered, shifting herself in her seat to reach for a tissue in one of her desk drawers. "I've had the same thought all week." Angelina rose from her seat, the small computer desk next to Rachel's overflowing with flyers, invites, and samples of gift bags.

"And while we're at it we can hire a gorgeous male model to escort Ciel to the gala." She winked.

"Ciel would have no interest." Rachel sighed. "You have no idea what it's been like this entire week! I tried to convince him to come back home until after the holidays, but he refused. He's been staying with Dr. Spears since Friday night. It's been five days and he won't go back to his apartment!" Angelina snatched another folder from the larger desk and thumbed through its contents.

"Why not?" She queried.

"He said there were too many memories." Rachel answered.

Shaking her head, Angelina pouted. "My poor nephew, but Rachel, you do realize that everyone in life suffers a broken heart at some point." She sat down with a huff cupping her face in her hand and leaning against the desk. "Hmph! Some more than others." A look of curiosity came over Rachel's face as she eyed her sister.

"Angie," she spoke slowly. "Whatever happened between you and Dr. Spears?" A bitter chuckle escaped the younger woman's lips.

"Oh, Rachel, how do I put this?" Angelina drawled. "I was missing a vital organ in order to keep his interests."

"He knew about your hysterectomy?" Rachel gasped.

"What? No! I meant a penis! I don't have a penis!" She cried, rolling her eyes. How my sister could be so dense, she thought irritably.

"Angie, you can't be serious! Why would you think such a thing!" She countered.

"Good God, you are dense!" Angelina laughed. "First of all, I'd heard rumors around the staff that he had been seen on occasion with some delicious young twink at a symphony or high end restaurant. Secondly, his cousin, you know that crazy red head who works for the Museum of Modern Art?"

"Yes! Grell, is it? The strange one?" Rachel scrunched her nose. "You two became so close after meeting him at the hospital fundraiser two years ago! Am I correct?"

"Right! He's my darling cherry bomb." Angelina crowed. "As gay as the day is long! He warned me that William was a closet!"

"And yet you still pursued him?" Rachel threw up her hands in frustration. "What were you thinking?"

"He's a gorgeous, single, famous oncologist!" Angelina pointed out. "I had to make an attempt, if I didn't have hard facts! Whatever the case, I knew he was definitely gay Thanksgiving weekend when he made no attempt to touch me; not once!" She knitted her brows. "How could you not want to fondle these?" Emphasizing her statement, she grabbed her breasts and bounced them up and down.

"Angie!" She cried, her face a bright red. "Stop that!"

"You're the one who pointed how big they were." She reminded.

"That does not mean I want to watch you manhandle yourself!" Rachel scolded.

"Prude." She sniffed, turning her attention back to the laptop. "It doesn't matter, Dr. Spears does not swing my way." She blew a stray hair from her face, a wistful sigh passing her lips. "What a shame."

"And now my gay son is staying with him." Rachel looked over to her sister with concern.

"Oh, stop it; he's 20 years older than Ciel!" Angelina waved arm her dismissively. "He wouldn't do that! And at this point do you really think Ciel wants to be with anyone else except Sebastian?"

"This may sound odd, Angie." Rachel averted her eyes in favor of staring at her own petite hands folded on the desk. "I almost wish Spears would pursue Ciel. He's kind, brilliant, dedicated, good looking and above all, he has never hurt my son. That man has done nothing, but heal and protect Ciel since he was diagnosed. Why wouldn't I be ok with a relationship blossoming between those two?"

"Perhaps." Angelina mused, tapping her chin with her pointer finger before a thought suddenly struck her. "I almost forgot!" She gasped, grabbing a paper from the fax machine by the computer desk. "Here's the catering list for the gala! The final head count was sent in last Monday and the meals have all been finalized, plus I made sure all desserts would be tinted red!" She smiled proudly showing her sister the information.

"That does sound lovely." Rachel complimented, scanning the list. "I'm very proud of you taking charge of this benefit. With your busy schedule I was worried you would run yourself ragged putting together such an event."

The sense of pride Rachel felt for her sister never wavered. Even though Angelina was prone to personal obstacles and stumbles along the way, Rachel's loyalty and faith in her younger sister was steadfast and true.

"Think nothing of it." Angelina blushed, pleased by her older sister's words. "It's a worthy cause and I'm an expert multitasking. Besides, I have my big sister as my right hand man."

"Yes, you do." Rachel agreed. "Here is the evening's itinerary; your event planner faxed it just now."

"Let me see it!" The pair read together with an excited air, the evening's entertainment had been promised to all attending to be an eclectic array of well-known talented acts. The draw of any charity was the variety and level of performers. The higher quality the acts, the higher end your guests would be which meant heftier donations. "Ah yes, guests arriving and checking in at 7pm . . ."

"The gift bags have been prepared ahead of time and counted three times." Angelina proudly stated.

"Perfect! Cocktails and appetizers at 7:15; opening remarks at 8 pm with our guest speaker, Ciel Phantomhive!" Rachel grinned. "We've kept his cancer a secret from the outside world for so long; I cannot believe he offered himself up to speak at the gala."

"He's amazing, Rachel, simply amazing." She agreed.

"Alright, have you hammered down the entertainment?" Rachel commented. Angelina clapped her hands; her energy was nothing short of jubilant.

"Yes! Of course the star of our show will be an appearance by Taylor Swift!" She squealed. "She's singing the song she wrote for the 4 year old boy who passed away from Neuroblastoma cancer."

"Ronan? Yes! His mother heads the Rockstar Ronan Foundation!" Rachel nodded approvingly. "It amazed me how that young mother lost her baby, picked herself up and created such an amazing education and charity organization." Patting her sister on her shoulder a look of understanding passed between the sisters.

"I don't know if I could pick up and move on if, if . . ." Rachel broke off, silent fear laced within the shell of her words.

They had never spoken about the 'what ifs' concerning Ciel because the obvious was far too painful and frightening to accept. It was as if they believed that saying there was a possibility of a life without Ciel would ultimately lead to reality.

"I'm so excited! Aren't you?" Angelina squeezed her sister's hand gently, abruptly changing the subject. "And Swift is appearing for free! One song only, but who cares? The donations will be flying in!" Rachel let out a long breath and smiled.

"Yes, I actually am excited." Shaking her head as if to rid herself of the morbid thoughts stealthily creeping into her mind, she forced herself to focus on the matters at hand. "Now before she appears, what else have you set up?"

Angelina pick up the paper and read down the list. "Let's see, a 25 minute performance by members of Cirque de Soleil, a 45 minute performance from the Danse Macabre Company, and-"

"Angie! Did your event planner remember to pick up the wine and champagne from our winery?" Rachel hurriedly looked through another folder. "It must be delivered early Saturday morning and chilled hours before the event!"

"Yes!" Checking her watch, auburn eyes widened with panic. "Look at the time! Dammit! I'm going to be late for my afternoon appointments!" Quickly logging off her laptop, the doctor scurried around the room collecting her purse, laptop case, cell phone and winter coat. "We can talk later. Give my love to Ciel!" She planted a light kiss upon her sister's forehead and rushed out of the office like a crimson flurry.

Rachel glanced down at the list of entertainers, pleased with her little sister's prowess at obtaining such grand professionals. "The Danse Macabre Company." She read aloud. "What an interesting na-" A sudden jolt of realization rapidly tumbled into a genuine feeling of complete horror when her large blue eyes landed on the contact information listed below the title.

Claude Faustus and . . .

Bristling with fury, her long fingers gripped the edges of the paper until the sound of it ripping filled the air. "Sebastian Michaelis." She hissed.

* * *

Uncommonly bright weather had made an appearance Thursday morning to a city buried deep in snow. Although people usually wished for a White Christmas, the kind you see on TV holiday shows and movie, no one wanted to deal with the grimy slush that came with it. The once pristine sheet of sparkling snow that had covered the city streets was now a trampled damp mess of black, brown and gray. The sudden weather change caused the melting mush to further disfigure any beautiful scenery.

Sebastian watched the marred scenery from the driver's side of his car with a bitter interest. Parking across the street from Ciel's apartment seemed like a good idea, now he was wondering if it only served to further break his heart.

Since his phone conversation with the doctor, Sebastian had taken it upon himself to park at random times for five straight days across from Ciel's building in hopes of catching him and resolving the catastrophic development in their relationship. He had refused to believe that Ciel would stay with his doctor instead of going home. But as each day passed, with no calls, no texts, no sign of his ex-lover; Sebastian felt himself sink deeper and deeper into despair. Panicked thoughts and images of Ciel being held by another man, kissed by another man, making love to another man haunted him day and night. The possibility that the college student's seductive and yet innocent moans would be heard by someone else caused a sickening knot of nausea to well up within the red eyed male.

It had been almost a week since he had crudely berated Ciel on his birthday and announced that he never wanted to see him again; an act he himself found unforgivable. Every inch of Sebastian's body ached with longing and regret; he couldn't eat, sleep or function properly without feeling as if he was going to have a breakdown.

Claude and Alois had insisted that he was overreacting, that there was zero possibility a relationship was brewing between Ciel and Dr. Spears. Sebastian reflected upon the aftermath of his phone call with Dr. Spears, hoping to reaffirm the idea to himself as he thought back to the previous conversation with Alois and Claude.

"He's like, so old!" The blonde had pointed out. "And he's also Ciel's oncologist! Why the hell do you think he'd want to date his doctor?"

"It's obvious the doctor is hopping mad over your treatment of Ciel." His best friend reminded him, shaking his head. "Given the situation, I can't blame him."

Sebastian had nodded mutely, what argument could he give? How could he ever defend his actions? But one thing was for sure . . .

"I'll be damned if some bespectacled buffoon is going to tell me what to do." He growled menacingly before checking his cell phone; no calls and no texts.

Every single message he had sent to Ciel had remained unanswered. Calling the young man had also been just as fruitless; it was as if his phone had been disconnected. Did he block my number? He thought worriedly staring at the entrance of Ciel's building. Groaning miserably, Sebastian gripped the steering wheel tightly.

Pressing his forehead against the wheel, he muttered. "Where the bloody hell are you?"

* * *

"So after Christmas you're putting me in the hospital?" Ciel chewed his lip, sitting next to Spears on the couch in his Mt. Sinai oncology office. "That really sucks." He grumbled, the smell of spicy hummus and freshly toasted pita chips hung lightly in the air.

After a discussion over possible treatments, Spears had decided on platelet transfusions. To ease the tense atmosphere, he brought in snacks and hot tea to lessen Ciel's anxiety.

"I know; however, this is quite possibly the best route to take." Spears replied, spooning a generous glob of hummus onto a plate and handing it to Ciel. "Here, try this. I made it myself." He smiled. Ciel thanked his doctor and eagerly took the plate.

"Wow, that's really good!" He hummed his approval as he hungrily devoured the pita chips and chickpea concoction. "I never knew you could cook!"

"There is much more to me than you think." Spears said quietly, popping a chip into his mouth. He chewed slowly as a comfortable silence slipped into the room.

Ciel wiped his mouth with a napkin and checked his cell phone. "No call, no text." He mumbled. "He really meant it when he said he didn't want to see me anymore." Gritting his teeth, he carelessly threw his phone onto the coffee table. "Cold hearted bastard." He mumbled.

Spears swallowed thickly, the chip feeling dry and course. Unbeknownst to Ciel, he had blocked Sebastian's number on the student's cell. No texts or calls would come through, effectively cutting off all communications between them.

It's for the best, he thought, scraping remnants of hummus from the plate with his chip.

"I'm going back to my apartment today." Ciel announced.

Spears looked up. "Oh?" His face remained unchanged, but dread seeped into his heart. Having Ciel sleeping in his bed every night had quelled his fears that the young man would run back into Sebastian's arms and even though the doctor had kept a respectable distance by sleeping in the guest bedroom and affording Ciel his privacy, he had felt more secure about their possible future.

"Well, I can't keep mooching off of you." Ciel grumbled. "And I can't keep avoiding my place because I'm afraid I'm going to remember Sebastian being there with me." The fine hairs behind Spears's neck rose at the statement. He couldn't stand to hear that wretched name uttered by his secret love.

"Would it help if I went with you?" He ventured, attempting to appear aloof. "I could drive you there, help you gather some clothes and personal items and bring them back to my place."

Ciel stopped chewing. "Um, you mean, go back and stay at your place?" His doctor nodded.

"Why not?" He reasoned.

"Well, I mean, what's the point? It's not that I don't like hanging out with you. It's just that I'm ok now to go back home." He laughed nervously.

"Do you realize that the only time you've consumed anything of nutritional value this week was when I reminded, coaxed or threatened you to eat?" Ciel looked away, casting his eyes to the floor. "Not to mention the fact that I've been forcing you to take your daily medication makes a good argument to remain under my watchful eye until you've overcome this obstacle."

"Have I been that distracted?" Ciel sighed, rubbing his forehead with his fingertips. "I just don't want to be a burden to you." Burying his face in his hands, a tired groan escaped his lips. "I'm so pathetic, aren't I?"

A long arm draped itself over Ciel's slight shoulders surprising the college student; he lowered his hands and turned to face Spears. Warm jade orbs gazed deeply into his own, a finger gently pulling the small chin up so he could look into them more clearly.

"Will?" Ciel whispered nervously, eyes sliding shut before a soft kiss was placed upon his lips.


	31. Chapter 31

_**Greetings sweet skullzzzzz!** _

_**As promised, an early update!** _

_**Why?** _

_**Pfft, because of you guys, duh!** _

_**Listen, i know plenty of readers are not thrilled with the whole CielxWill debacle but I'm not giving out spoilers nor am i going to assure anyone of what the desired outcomes will be but i am dramatic, emotionally driven writer and that's just what i do best so thanks for hanging in there, reviewing and being honest with your thoughts and feelings. I love it RAW ;D** _

_**Read, Enjoy, Review, Follow, Favorite, THANK YOU!** _

_**AnimeCujo, oxox...** _

* * *

Blue eyes shot wide open.

Dr. Spears is kissing me! Ciel thought frantically.

"Sto-Stop!" He gasped, roughly shoving the doctor away, his face flushed bright red. "I-I . . . I'm sorry!" Ciel apologized quickly, his hands gripping Spears's arms as he made an effort to calm the rising panic in his heart. "I-I didn't mean to push you like that!" The realization of the oncologist's action was not as monumental as the fact that Ciel had actually returned the kiss.

"No, don't, please don't apologize." Spears shook his head, silently cursing himself for once again mindlessly surrendering to his desires. His own face had turned a shade of pink, trembling hands clutching at the fabric of his pants. "This is entirely my fault; you've done nothing wrong, absolutely nothing."

This is my doctor, Ciel thought, what had just transpired had begun to truly dawn on him.

"Why did you kiss me?" He asked cautiously, unsure of whether or not he wanted to know the answer. A small smile played on the doctor's lips and Ciel could almost describe his expression as a wistful longing.

"I kissed you because," Spears paused to suck in a breath and release it slowly. "Because you mean more to me than you could ever possibly understand."

Suddenly it all made sense, how could he have not noticed? The extra special care, the endearing words of encouragement, the persistent loyalty. How could he have been so naive?

"H-How long?" Ciel stammered, lips slightly moist and still tingling from the chaste kiss. He wondered why he had to fight the urge to lick them, why was he having these feelings?

Spears blinked. "How long what?" He asked.

"How long have you . . . liked me?" Ciel averted his eyes to the floor, shyly turning his head away. When it came to Ciel, those brilliant green eyes had seen everything, good and bad, private and ugly. No one knew him so intimately at his best and worst.

Except for Sebastian, he thought.

"For some time." The doctor spoke smoothly, sliding his hands up to tenderly cup the student's face. "There is no one more precious in my life than you, Ciel." Spears tilted his patient's face up, shivering at the impossibly smooth skin as he reveled in the cerulean clarity of those wondrous blue eyes.

"Would you allow me to prove myself to you?" He gently pleaded. "You needn't answer right away, but think on it, please? Consider me in your life, outside of this hospital, outside of the fact that I'm much older than you. Consider how much I care for you and would do anything and everything for you." Ciel sat like a stone statue, struck dumb and mute by the passionate confessions of his doctor.

Small fingers shook as they released their vice like hold on Spears's arms and rose to envelop the older man's hands. These were healing hands, strong and experienced, gentle and cautious, hands that had held his pain wracked body and soothed the suffering when he thought the treatments would send him into the abyss of hopelessness. These hands had carried him through the darkest of his journeys, had held the doors of relief and hope wide open for him to walk through and live again.

"You've never hurt me." Ciel whispered, pressing his palms against the back of Spears's hands. "But Sebastian did and I'm not really ready for anyone. I'm not ready to do this again." Leaning towards Spears, he nudged his cheek with his nose and looked into his eyes. "But is it selfish of me to want you to stay by my side? To help me through this?" Ciel pressed his lips against the side of his mouth. "To want to kiss you again?"

"Not at all." He hummed with pleasure; the chance to further embed himself into Ciel's life had finally presented itself. It wasn't a full victory, the emotional wounds his young love suffered from would take time to heal; however, Ciel was now his.

You are mine, he thought, a mild smirk resting on his face, and I will never let you go.

Their lips met again, simple gentle kisses infused with hesitant trust and refrained passion. Yet even with the heated breaths intermingling with pleasing sounds softly emitted from hungry mouths, behind his closed eyes Ciel saw a flash of ruby red and shimmering black and his heart throbbed with a bittersweet intensity that could not be quelled by anything or anyone.

Sebastian, his soul cried.

* * *

'"Have you gone mad?! Get your arse back here in this studio!" Claude screamed into his cell phone. After waiting for his friend and business partner for over two hours at the dance studio, the normally patient and ever reasonable man had finally reached his limit. Hoping that Sebastian was on his way to work, Claude was horrified when he called his fellow dancer to discover what he had been up to all week. "The benefit is this Saturday, this bloody Saturday!" He yelled angrily into the phone. "I've got two groups waiting for your blasted instructions and instead of being here doing what is expected you're stalking your ex-boyfriend!"

Sebastian sighed, rubbing his tired eyes. "Not until Ciel shows." He calmly replied.

"It's not blooming likely!" Claude swore, he knew this was getting out of hand. "Besides, if he did appear before you, what would you say to him?" Sitting up in his driver's seat Sebastian pondered the question. In truth he had gone over the scenario countless times in his head, there was so much he wanted to say.

"I-I would apologize; on my knees if I had to." He held the phone tightly, eyes darting towards the entrance of Ciel's building suddenly noticing a familiar looking car parking in the front. "I would tell him how much I love him, how . . . " his voice trailed off when he spotted a head of blue black hair in the passenger side.

"Sebastian"' Claude called. "Hello? Are you there, mate?'"

"Bloody hell." Sebastian growled when he recognized the driver. 'The good doctor."

Claude furrowed his eyebrows before realizing what was happening. "Cor Blimey! Sebastian, don't you fucking do anything!" He hurriedly warned, fighting to keep his cool as he attempted to talk his friend into acting like a reasonable man. "Think before you act! Better yet, leg it before they see you!"

"Not likely." Sebastian grunted. "I'll ring you up in a bit." He disconnected the call before Claude could protest any further and tossed the cell into the backseat. His eyes locked onto the way Spears exited his car, trotted over to the passenger side and gently helped a gaunt looking Ciel out of his seat. A deadly mix of nausea and fury welled up in Sebastian's gut until he could no longer restrain himself into sitting idly by as someone else had their hands all over his Ciel Jumping out of his car, Sebastian walked onto the empty street.

"Oi! Ciel!" He shouted. Both men froze and simultaneously turned to witness a visibly seething Sebastian rapidly approaching them.

"Get in the car, Ciel. Don't look at him." Spears ordered, unlocking the passenger side door and pushing him in. "I will handle this." He assured, giving his shoulder a comforting squeeze.

Ciel nodded his head, body trembling uncontrollably as conflicted emotions raced through his heart. It was the first time he had seen Sebastian since the night of his birthday and a part of him wanted to lunge at him and tear into the man, viciously rendering him limb from limb. Another part, full of a yearning desire and love, wanted to fall into Sebastian's embrace, to be enveloped in his scent and held securely by the man he still adored. He cast his eyes to the floor of the car and couldn't bring himself to look at his ex-lover nor listen to the heavily accented velvet voice that echoed in his dreams every night that week.

"Ciel! I know you saw me!" Sebastian yelled, knocking rapidly on the driver's side window. "For fucks sake, Ciel! I've been looking left right and center for you! Open the door!" Dark red eyes stared earnestly through the glass, but Ciel refused to look up; Sebastian could see him chewing nervously on his bottom lip. "Ciel! Look at me!" He pleaded, slamming his palms against the window. "Please talk to me!"

Spears darted around the front of the car and pushed himself between Sebastian and the door, body tense with the anticipation of a fight. "Mr. Michaelis, I presume." He spoke, his tone curt and unfriendly.

"Piss off." Sebastian spat, temper flaring as he backed away from the unmoving doctor. "I have no business with you-"

"Ciel is my business." Spears interrupted. "Now be a good boy and back away from my car so that we may have a civil conversation." He gestured towards the sidewalk, indicating for the man to follow him.

Sebastian stood his ground, gritting his teeth he glowered at the stoic male. "I'm not a fucking dog so don't tell me what to do." He snapped, stepping closer to Spears, fists balled at his sides. "I have nothing to say to you and if Ciel does not want to speak to me, he can tell me that himself!" Sebastian raised a fist and brought it down with a loud metallic bang on the roof of the car. Ciel jumped in his seat looking wide eyed at the looming dark figure casting a shadow over him. Their eyes connected for a second, desperation met with woeful suffering. "Ciel!" He begged, reaching for the handle.

Suddenly, he was wrenched from Ciel's line of sight by a furious Spears. Gripping the dancer's arm, the doctor forcibly dragged him across the street. "Continue this behavior and I will be forced to call the police." He hissed, pulling out his cell phone.

Tearing his arm from Spears's grasp, Sebastian pointed a shaking finger in his face. "You're keeping him from me!" He accused, his voice shaking with pure rage. "You bloody bastard!" The doctor adjusted his glasses and smoothed down the front of his coat, movements nonchalant and deliberate. He would not allow this man to intimidate him.

"You had your chance with him and you shot that to hell, didn't you?" He smiled when Sebastian's face darkened. "Well, I'm not so foolish as to pass up this chance in becoming an intimate part of Ciel's life."

Sebastian bristled at the doctor's choice of words, his greatest fear was coming true; he was losing Ciel.

"He still loves me, I know it." He stated firmly, crossing his arms as he stared Spears down with barely disguised hatred. "You know, that's the only reason why you won't let him near me. Next to me, you stand no chance."

"Back off, Michaelis." Spears growled lowly.

Garnett eyes glowed with murderous intent. "Never."

Spears snorted, tilting his head to give Sebastian a contemptuous smile. "I offer him a life of acceptance." He declared. "You've given him nothing, but heartache. In the end, which do you think he'll eventually choose?" Sebastian fell silent. "Go home." Spears waved him off, turning to walk back to the car. "Ciel is mine."

Sebastian waited until the doctor had reached his own car with a shaken Ciel waiting patiently in his seat. This could not end this way, he thought, this could not be the end. The second Spears opened the door he had made up his mind

"I love you Ciel Phantomhive!" He hollered at the top of his voice, raising his arms and spreading them out as if he were a massive raven taking flight. Pedestrians stared openly at the outlandish scene he was causing, but the dancer did not care. "Do you hear me?" His voice cracked with unbridled emotion, hot tears pricking at the corners of his eyes. "I'm sorry and I love you more than my own life!"

The last Sebastian saw of Ciel was his little love breaking down in tears as Spears slammed the door shut and floored the car, the sound of screeching tires piercing the air like a knife. He watched the vehicle speed down the block, his breath ragged and rapid as he fought to keep his composure.

"This isn't over." He vowed, watching the sports car disappear down the street.

"What the hell was that about?" Spears yelled, his eyes glued to the road as he took a sharp corner down a quiet city block. The squeal of rubber against concrete sliced the bitter cold air and Ciel jumped in his seat, clutching nervously at his seatbelt.

"Will, slow down!" He begged, his eyes widening as the vehicle whizzed by some parked cars, narrowly missing side swiping them.

"How could you have ever fallen in love with that brute? That egotistical son of a bitch!" Spears yelled, gripping the wheel tightly. "I don't understand! I just don't get it!" He jerked the wheel to the left causing the car to swerve. The roads were slick with snow and Ciel could feel the vehicle skid slightly. "What in the world made you give yourself to him? That conceited, ill mannered lying piece of shit!"

In all the years he had spent being Dr. Spears's patient, Ciel had never heard the man utter one foul word, not one curse. He had never witnessed Spears out of control nor angry; and what made this far worse was that his doctor seemed angry at him. Ciel gasped as Spears floored the car and ran a red light; a chorus of honking and beeping car horns following them.

" !" He shrieked. "You're going to kill us!"

The desperation in Ciel's cry snapped Will into realizing the dangerous situation he was placing them both in and he quickly veered the car towards the side of the street, screeching to a halt. He immediately turned the car off, unbuckled his seatbelt and threw his arms around a clearly shaken Ciel.

"I'm sorry!" He choked out, hands trembling as he stroked the young man's back in an effort to calm him down. "I don't know what possessed me just now, but it was not worth endangering your life!" Drawing back to look fully at Ciel's face, his heart beat painfully at the traces of shed tears marking the smooth cheeks.

Will leaned forward and kissed him deeply, lips pressed firmly against Ciel's, searching for acceptance, pining for entrance into his patient's most intimate world. He wanted to devour him, consume his very essence and live his life knowing only the smell, the taste, the touch, the sight of Ciel.

Nothing mattered to the doctor at that moment, the memory of Sebastian's tortured declaration of love still echoed in his mind and he knew it was doing the same in Ciel's. He tilted his head to the side in an effort to deepen the kiss, his hunger mounting as he prodded Ciel's lips with his tongue, wanting to erase any thoughts of that useless Englishman from the young man's mind.

"Mm, stop!" A sharp push sent Will back into his seat. The doctor was startled, breathing heavily; he swallowed and wiped his face with his hands.

"Ciel." He gasped "What's wrong?"

Ciel shook his head, scarlet face beaded in sweat and mouth a rosy hue. He looked disoriented, unsure, but when he fixed his deep blue eyes at the doctor, a fine tremor ran through the older man's body.

Ciel was pissed.

"Between you and Sebastian, I'm better off letting the cancer have me!" He shouted, unbuckling his seatbelt and grabbing the door handle as he glared at Spears. "Don't bother driving me to your place, I'd rather walk!"

"Back to him or back to my home?" Spears blurted out before looking away in shame, a gnawing fear had begun to form in the pit of his stomach. He was unsure of why he was acting in such an unstable manner and it frightened him how easily he lost control, but when it came to Ciel it seemed to happen more often. He was afraid of losing Ciel to cancer, afraid of losing him to Sebastian and afraid of losing him as a friend.

"Forgive me." He implored, turning in his seat to again face the young man, softly placing his hand on Ciel's shoulder and silently asking him to stay. "Protecting you is something I cannot help and this time I went too far." His hand gently slid up the thin swan neck until it nestled securely in Ciel's hair. The doctor suppressed a moan when his fingertips made contact with the bluish strands and heated skin. "I will not allow him to hurt you anymore." He vowed. "If you end up hating me for this then so be it."

Confusion settled uncomfortably within Ciel's heart and the passionately loving look on his physician's face did not help. The honest truth was that he had wanted to speak to Sebastian; he longed to hear the words his ex-lover had unabashedly shouted as they had driven easy. But what if he was being foolish? What if he was setting himself up for more hurt? Why else would Spears act so erratically if he wasn't trying to keep him safe?

"Take me back to my apartment." He stated firmly, leaning into Spears comforting hand. "I still need my laptop and clothes." Noticing the cautious look on Spears's face, Ciel shook his head. "Sebastian is most likely gone by now." He assured, clicking in his seatbelt. "But promise that you won't lose control again like that, ok?" He offered a small smile. "I appreciate you protecting me, but I'm not a little kid anymore."

"I know. I'm sorry." Blue eyes softened as Ciel rested his head against Spears's shoulder.

"S'kay." He mumbled, patting his doctor's shoulder. "Let's get going, it's getting late."

The ride back to the apartment was silent and heavy with apprehension. While it was unlikely that Sebastian would still be standing, waiting in the front of the building, there was still a possibility of another heated confrontation. Ciel wanted to run upstairs, grab his belongings and head straight back to his doctor's condo; however, he secretly longed to see his beloved waiting for him once again.

Ciel stared at his building entrance, no Sebastian; his heart ached.

Leaving the doctor in the car, He headed up the stairs to his apartment. Walking slowly down the hallway, he reminisced on the first time he saw Sebastian at his doorway. The sight of the creamy pale man dressed only in black, impossibly tall and leaning seductively against the door frame caused a hot blush to rise on Ciel's cheeks and a sharp pull in his chest.

His small hand gripped the staircase banister tightly as he thought back on memories that would probably fade in time; the very thought of forgetting Sebastian drew daggers into his heart. The long empty hallway was dimly lit and he couldn't help but feel like it was a mirror image of his life without the Englishman; vacant and devoid of light.

"How am I going to forget you?" He whispered to himself, fishing his keys out of his pocket as he neared his door. "How am I . . . ?"

Time seemed to freeze at that very moment, the air had turned ice cold and the echoes of city life wafting through the long hallways had become nonexistent. Ciel felt nothing, but his own trembling form as his eyes rested upon the foot of his door.

Against the small simple dark blue welcome mat lay two perfectly bloomed roses.

One violaceous lavender; one alabaster white.

* * *

The sound of snow steadily tapping against the picture window in Rachel's bedroom was almost hypnotic in its rhythmic song of winter. She lay propped against a chaise lounge with the last minute documents of the St. Jude's Cancer Benefit strewn about the small couch and floor. Although the overall atmosphere of the low lit room was tranquil, her disquieted frame of mind had her drumming her fingers nervously against her large leather bound notebook. A woman of great determination and little time to waste, she had thrown herself into acquiring another act for the benefit gala in hopes that she could then cancel the appearance by The Danse Macabre Company.

"New York City, the center of performing arts; of all the dance companies Angie could have picked." She sighed deeply, holding her house phone in one hand while thumbing through some contact information with the other. "Why did she have to pick that scoundrel's business?"

Once she had discovered that Sebastian was attending the charity event as a performer and company owner, her blood pressure had skyrocketed. How could she allow the man who not only ruined her son's 21st birthday plus all celebrations involved with it, but had also broken his heart, perform at a function Ciel would be attending? Yet, trying to find a replacement act was pretty much impossible at this point. She could only deduce that since Angelina had been heading the event (it was her name on every document and contact profile) that Sebastian obviously had no clue that the Phantomhives and the Durless families were actually related. The situation had her worried and terribly distressed, above all Ciel was her number one priority.

Cradling the phone in her hand she debated whether or not she should call Ciel or her sister. "Darn it all." Rachel muttered, dialing Ciel's number and mentally bracing herself for the impact, praying to God that she was making the right decision.

"Hey mom." He mumbled sleepily, having picked up on the second ring

"Hey to you, Ciel." She smiled. "Were you sleeping?" Checking her watch she frowned, "It's only 6!"

"Nah, I'm just taking a nap. I had a tough afternoon." He yawned. "I came back to Dr. Spears place and like, passed out on the couch."

"Oh? What happened?" Rachel fought to keep the concern from her voice.

Ciel paused, taking a deep breath. "I saw Sebastian today." He admitted.

"Ah, I see . . ." She replied.

"No! It was totally unplanned!" Ciel explained. "i mean, Will took me to my apartment so I could get some clothes and my laptop and there he was, sitting in his car waiting for me to show up."

"Oh, my God!" Rachel gasped, was this a soap opera? "Well, what did you do?" She asked worriedly.

"Will told me to stay in the car while he talked to him. Talk about awkward and nightmarish all at the same freaking time." Ciel groaned. "Then while we were leaving Sebastian starts yelling, freaking yelling that he loved me!"

"Good God! What did you say to him?" She asked hurriedly. Silence filled the call, neither saying anything for a moment. "Ciel," Rachel rested her head against the back of the couch, eyes staring blankly into space. "You didn't speak to him at all?"

"No." He stated firmly. "And you know what? I really don't want to right now."

It was a lie and Rachel knew it. "I understand, it's normal to feel that way after a break up-"

"I was dumped, mom." Ciel snorted. "Please don't sugarcoat it."

The bitterness laced within her son's retort went straight into her heart. She understood the sharp bite of heartache, that was all she could feel every time she had watched her husband run from her side whenever Ciel was sick and then there was having your beloved child wrestle with life and death every day for over a decade. Heartache was practically lying by her side in bed every single night.

But in the days that followed Thanksgiving, something amazing had happened and Vincent had become a constant presence at every appointment and every treatment. Ciel no longer spoke to him with a reserved tone full of detachment and she found herself remembering why she fell in love with her husband in the first place.

Rachel understood that people made mistakes, caused heartaches they might not have necessarily meant. Right next to the law of love was the law of forgiveness. Without compassion, a grudge would form just like cancer until it ate away at your heart, leaving nothing, but that same bitterness she heard resonating loudly in her son's voice. Yes, she was still angry with Sebastian; however, wasn't he trying to reach out to her son?.

"This is all still fresh." She ventured slowly. "But perhaps at some point you may want to hear him out."

"I don't want to talk about what happened." Ciel replied curtly. "Not to him and not to you."

"I-I'm sorry, dear." Rachel stammered, the sting from his harsh tone taking her by surprise. Ciel had always been so open and willing to share his secrets with her, but ever since the cancer came back, all he seemed to do was cloak himself in his own secrets. "When you're ready, then we can talk?" She asked hopefully.

"Sure." He mumbled. "Are you and Aunt Ang almost done with the plans for the benefit? It's only two days away."

Rachel's breathe hitched. "Oh! Yeah! It's all pretty much finalized!" The slight tremor to her voice did not go unnoticed.

'Is something wrong?" Ciel asked.

"Wrong?"Well, there is a slight issue with the gala." Rachel started, anxiously twirling and pulling at the ends of her long hair. "It's, well, how should I put it? A bit troublesome."

"Oh? Anything I can help with?" The edge in his voice was gone, quickly replaced with concern. "It would at least keep my mind off of Sebastian."

"Funny you should say that." She began, unsure as to how to break the news to her son. "I tried everything I could humanly do to change a certain situation, but it was near impossible and now we're stuck in a very difficult position-"

"Come on, mom!" Ciel interrupted. "You're killing me here! Just tell me what's going on!"

"One of our main performers in The Danse Macabre Company." Rachel hurriedly blurted out, holding her breath for the inevitable backlash.

Silence enveloped the call before Ciel's voice roared through the earpiece, "You gotta be fucking kidding me!"

"Ciel! Calm down!" She pleaded.

'Calm down?!' Ciel yelled "How can I calm down? My ex-boyfriend, the man I love who dumped me is performing at a cancer benefit that my family is hosting!"

The man I love? Rachel frowned."I realize that!" She defended. "But we didn't know until it was too late to change the program! I'm sorry!"

"Mom, I-I . . .I still love him!" He cried. "I don't know what the hell is wrong with me, but I still love him!"

"Then talk to him!" Rachel instructed. "People make mistakes, but that doesn't mean they do not see the errors of their ways!"

"I don't know how." He admitted. "What if he hurts me again? What if he really can't handle me being sick?"

"Love is a risk, Ciel" She stated simply. "You have a choice, talk to him or don't, but make a decision based on what you want, ok?"

"What do you mean based on what I want?" He asked weakly.

"Ciel, is Dr. Spears interested in you?" Rachel questioned seriously.

The heavy silence filled the call again before a response came. "Yes" Ciel finally mumbled. "He confessed that he loves me."

"Oh, Ciel."She breathed tiredly,"'No wonder you're so confused!' shaking her head. "He's been so wonderful to you for so long and I know he would do anything for you, but the fact that you still love Sebastian only proves that you are not ready to be with anyone else"'

"But mom, what if William is the better choice?" Ciel squeaked out nervously.

"Settle your unfinished business before you move on"' Rachel advised, her voice full of assurance. 'It's the only way you can make the best decision."

"Ciel," she continued gently "it's the only way you can learn to forgive not just Sebastian, but yourself as well"

* * *

The offices of Mt. Sinai Oncology had finally quieted down after an afternoon full of appointments and treatments. Dr. Spears was seated at his desk, reading Ciel's medical folder, the clock on his wall ticking away as he shuffled through more paperwork. Vanessa had left early since it was the last practice she would have with her dance partner for the cancer charity event. Spears rubbed his eyes, they had begun to blur with the onset of exhaustion and stress.

"10pm." He sighed, glancing at the clock. "And I still haven't had dinner." He grumbled.

If Vanessa had been around she would have grabbed him a sandwich from the hospital cafeteria. So often he would forget to feed himself because of his hectic schedule and the result would be an irritable and demanding Dr. Spears. Aware of her employer's hunger induced mood swings, Vanessa made sure he was kept happy and filled by providing snacks throughout the day as well as lunch and dinner. It may have crossed her mind that she was a professional and not a babysitter to a grown man, but it helped to avoid being the target of his foul attitude.

She was never asked to upkeep his diet, but deep down inside she enjoyed taking care of her boss. Spears treated her as an equal, fetched his own coffee and gave her generous bonuses every single time she was instructed to complete arduous tasks at the most inconvenient of times. In short, Spears and Vanessa were a team in and out of the office.

Even with the lack of food in his system, he was inwardly pleased with his secretary. About three months ago, Vanessa had volunteered to procure a dance troupe to entertain guests at the St. Jude's cancer benefit which Dr. Durless had decided to organize and head. William's cousin, Grell, had introduced Vanessa to a dancer he knew who owned a hugely talented and successful company in the city.

His young secretary was more than happy to train with the dancers; according to Vanessa, the performance was going to be spectacular. Perhaps the fact that she had described her partner as "drop dead gorgeous" had fueled her desire to perform. Spears looked back at the written review of Ciel's most recent blood work and shook his head, the misery of knowing that a cure was so close, yet so far away further motivated him to be involved with benefits that financed his research of childhood and adult cancers. Ciel was now a full blown anemic, this came as no surprise since low numbers of red blood cells were a common side effect of chemotherapy. In the end, it undoubtedly meant that a blood transfusion was imminent.

"One day." He murmured, closing the folder and wearily rubbing his face with both hands in an attempt to wake up. "One day we'll beat this monster." The silent atmosphere was suddenly shattered when a cyclonic force of bright red made an abrupt entrance into his office. The door crashed open and a whirling dervish known as Grell came flying in.

"Will! Will! I have my invite! I have my invite!" Grell screeched, hopping onto Spears's desk and whipping out elaborately decorated envelope from his finely tailored jacket, fanning himself with it. "My angel came through! My angel came through!" He grinned widely at his cousin.

"You insist on never knocking, never walking in like a gentleman and repeating yourself like an over indulged five year-old who was just fed soda and sugar." Spears grumbled as he sat back in his chair and scowled at the overexcited man. "Why are you here?"

Grell stopped fanning himself and crossed his legs, smiling while he ripped the invitation open. "Why am I smiling? My BFF promised me that I would have preferential seating at the benefit tomorrow night!" He removed the invite from the envelope and scanned the information with a delighted smile. "And I prefer to sit in a table right next to where The Danse Macabre Company will be situated!" Swinging his legs back and forth like an overzealous schoolgirl, Grell sighed dramatically. "Now I must make sure I'm presentable for Sebastian!" practically swooning, Grell clutched his heart "He is so delectable! Especially when he's dancing, those delicious hips swaying side to side, GAH!"

Spears looked up at his cousin.

It was a fairly common name; surely there was no connection he thought. "Sebastian?" He asked slowly "What is his last name?"

"Michaelis." Grell purred. "My dream husband!"

"He's a dancer for that company?" Spears rose from his chair and walked around the desk to fully face the red head. "And he's performing at the benefit?"

"Of course he is, plus he's one of the co-owners!" Cried Grell, sliding off the desk and eying his cousin suspiciously. "What? What's wrong?"

"N-Nothing, forget it." Spears mumbled, crossing his arms and frowning; this was going to become an issue.

"Well, I hope he doesn't bring that malnourished twink to the gala!" Grell sniffed, checking his nails for any imperfections. "He was so rude to me the last time I saw him!"

"Twink?" Spears glanced at him, Grell was getting on his last nerve. "Did this twink happen to be blue eyed and short with dark hair?"

"Yes!" He cried. "But I'm so much better looking!"

"You, idiot." Spears snarled, grabbing one of Grell's tresses and yanking it harshly. "That's Ciel Phantomhive! Angelina's nephew and now Sebastian's ex!" Bright green eyes widened to almost comic proportions, his mouth formed a small 'O' as the news sunk in.

"I don't know where to start!" Grell replied breathlessly. "Angie's nephew, the one with cancer is that Ciel? And Sebastian is now free for me?"

"You really are hopeless." Spears muttered, releasing the hair, he walked towards his office couch to sit down. This was going to make things that much more difficult for Ciel who was already in a fragile state. "Grell, can I tell you something extremely important?" He asked quietly, looking down at his folded hands he noticed how badly they were shaking. Perhaps this is how he felt deep down inside when it came to the young student, shaken and overwhelmed with love.

"Of course you can." Grell walked over to him and sat down, easing himself close to Spears. "What else is family for?"

"I'll get to the point then. I'm in love with Ciel" The doctor turned his head and met a wide smile. "What do you find so amusing?" He narrowed his eyes. "I'm serious!"

"I knew it." Grell giggled, wagging his finger in his face. "I kept telling my mother that you were just like me, but oh no! Not straight laced Will!" He rolled his eyes and laughed. "Wait till the next time our families get together!"

"Grell, what do I do about Ciel?" Spears moaned, burying his head in his hands. "If he sees Sebastian at the benefit he's either going to go back to that demon or have a nervous breakdown!"

"Drama Queen." Grell tsked. "Just keep the brat occupied. It's your turn to mark that territory." Suddenly he was hit with an epiphany. "And you should do it in front of that hunk so that he'll come running into my arms!" Throwing his arms around Spears's shoulders and squeezing tightly, he laughed maniacally "Yes! That's exactly what you're going to do!"

Spears stared incredulously at Grell. "You can't be serious!"

"Imagine it!" Grell swept his arm out dramatically. "Ciel spots Sebastian, his blood races with mixed emotions, but oh, oh wait!" He clutched his cousin's shirt with both hands, vigorously shaking him. "Here comes the debonair doctor who sweeps that underweight Twinkie into his arms and lays a heart stopping, toe curling, spine tingling kiss so sensuous, so deliciously sinful-"

"Grell!" Spears snapped, pushing the squealing man away from him. "Lower your damn voice! You sound like a cheap novel!"

"And once that man sees your lips all over his ex, he'll back off." Grell continued, a devious smile stretching across his face. "Mark what is yours, Will." he commanded, his tone suddenly serious, eyes narrowed and bright. "Let him know that Ciel belongs to you now."

"But Ciel doesn't feel that way yet" Will looked away and shook his head, "Yet, in my heart he belongs to me." He sighed, his chest tight and uneasy. "How do I convince Ciel of that?"

"Leave it to me, Will" Grell smiled, his mouth stretched to an almost demonic grin reminding Spears of Great White sharks before they devoured their unsuspecting prey "Leave that part especially to me"


	32. Chapter 32

**_Greetingzzzzzz!_   
**

**_I swearz this was the hardest chapter to write, I hit the mother of all brick fucking walls, like this wall seriously fornicated with another badass brick wall and birthed numerous other brick walls so i had the ORIGINAL BRICK WALL!_ **

**_I know, I'm making no sense whatsoever BUT said wall has been defeated_ ** **_(fist pumping the air) and thus we continue on this crazy story hehehe..._ **

**_So thanks for the support! I'm loving the amazing reviewzzz! oxox_ **

**_AND GREAT SPLENDIFOROUS NEWZZZZ!_ **

**_AnimeCujo is BACK!_ **

**_She's debuting her new Kuro Fic "REVELATIONS" and I'm super stupid excited because she's a BEAST writer and I love her as only a proper stalker should love their center of obsession!_ **

**_Seriously, it's not like i want to wear her skin or something creepy like that lol_ **

or do i...?

_**Today is the big day so check your author alerts or just look it up because just like Sebastian and Ciel's orgasm...** _

_**IT'S COMING!** _

_**READ, ENJOY, REVIEW, FOLLOW, FAVORITE, THANKS!** _

* * *

Ciel stood in front of a wall mirror in his master bathroom staring at himself with a critical eye.

It was the evening of the benefit gala and since it was being held in the grand ballroom of his family's upstate New York mansion, he thought it best to stay the night among the comfort of his original home and family members. In short, he wanted a break from William and a place to hide in case his reunion with Sebastian turned out disastrous.

The past week had been a roller coaster of emotions for the college student resulting in more lows than highs. He had thought long and hard about what he truly wanted out of the situation between him and Sebastian and the answer was clear; he still loved him. Regardless of the brutality behind Sebastian's verbal assault on him the night of his birthday, he could not forget him nor sever all their emotional and physical ties. The man was infused within Ciel's skin; his heart bore Sebastian's indelible mark. The outside of the young man; however, was another story altogether.

Shirtless and wearing only his boxers, Ciel trailed his petite hands up and down his slim chest and narrow waist, ghosting over the numerous purple bruises littered among his pale skin. The amount of contusions had risen considerably in the last week and it had caused him more stress than he cared to admit. Dizzy spells and bouts of fatigue had become more frequent and Ciel found himself more and more on the couch napping or in his bed sound asleep. In just about three months he had lost 15 lbs. and having already been petite in the first place, the weight loss only made him look that much more sickly.

"I'm slowly dying." Ciel whispered to the gaunt form standing before him. In his reflection he saw a withering corpse attempting to mask itself as a living, breathing human being. He closed his eyes and breathed in and out slowly, the air feeling stale and heavy, but as it swept into his lungs a tiny thought revived in the back of his mind.

Right now, I'm still alive.

Opening his eyes once more, he gave himself a hard stare. "Feeling sorry for ourselves again?" He snarled at his mirror image. "Just a moment of weakness, that's all this was." He assured himself as he turned towards the sink. "I'm still alive, that's all that counts right now."

After rinsing his face with cold water, Ciel dried off and snatched the suit still wrapped in plastic from the dry cleaners from the hook on the bathroom door. It was 6 pm and guests would begin arriving at 7. Ciel wanted to help his mother and aunt with last minute details so he hurriedly dressed, combing his hair so his bangs wouldn't stick out in five different directions like they usually did.

And then the unimaginable happened.

"Oh!" He breathed weakly, a trembling hand placing the comb back onto the sink counter. Against the bright white surface lay a generous clump of blue tinged dark hair tangled throughout the teeth of the small comb.

Stifled sobs echoed within the marble tiled bathroom as Ciel crumpled to the floor clutching his head.

* * *

"I swear to almighty God, if that worthless man comes near me I'm going to grab the nearest blunt object and ram it into his-"

"Angelina!" Rachel cried, grabbing her fuming sister's arm. "Lower your voice and calm down!"

Rachel had decided to finally tell her younger sibling about Sebastian and the dance company about an hour before the start of the benefit. The mansion was ablaze with activity as planners, servers, caterers, florists, an orchestra, performers and activities directors bustled around in their preparations. Angelina was already on her third drink that night as her nerves became more frayed with each request and question thrown at her. Rachel stepped in to aid her sister in every way she could, but she instantly regretted telling her the news.

"I cannot believe you didn't cancel their performance!" Angelina hissed, hurriedly checking the seating chart against the invite list. "Seriously, what were you thinking?"

Rachel sighed. "I've already told Ciel and he's fine with it." She answered patiently. "Besides, there was no way I could find another performance at such short notice."

"I suppose you're right." The red head huffed. "Well, let the shit show commence!"

* * *

Ciel stood at the reception area in the middle of the spacious foyer of his upstate home; eying over the numerous tables set up with gift bags, informative pamphlets, itinerary cards and volunteers greeting guests and handling invitations. He watched amazed and completely enthralled at the unfolding of the St. Jude's Children's Cancer Research Benefit; it was not his first gala, but it certainly was the most elaborate thing his mother and aunt had ever constructed.

Hundreds of high level guests arrived dressed in elegant attire for the season while dozens of waiters and waitresses in sharp black and white uniforms served trays of expensive champagne. The air was fluid with the sounds of a string quartet and orchestra band playing holiday music while sparkling lights shimmered against round tables covered in deep crimson linen tablecloths adorned with gold tinged crystal cases and hunter green holly plants in honor of the Christmas season.

Ciel pulled on his expensive dark charcoal Armani suit and chewed his bottom lip relentlessly; his nerves were getting the best of him. At any moment he knew he could possibly run into Sebastian and his dance troupe, what should he do then? He wondered nervously, his breathing becoming rapid, what should he say? He desperately wished Alois had not fallen ill with a bad cold at the last minute, if anyone could cheer him up it would be his best friend.

"Hey, Ciel, you ok?" A soft voiced echoed in his ear. Relief washed over Ciel as he turned to see Lizzie arm in arm with her brother, Edward.

"I'm so glad to see you guys!" He exclaimed, throwing his arms around the pair and hugging them tightly. "You have no idea!"

Edward coughed. "Dude, you're crushing me!"

"Babe, why are you shaking?" Lizzie felt Ciel's forehead and knitted her brows. "You're warm, do you have a fever?"

"I'm fine, really, I'm just nervous about the speech." He wiped his face with his handkerchief, feeling the dampness of his skin. "And about seeing Sebastian." He admitted.

Lizzie nodded; she had spoken to Ciel the previous evening about the precarious situation facing her cousin. After Ciel had told her everything concerning the breakup, William's confession and the dance company appearing at the gala she had come up with one conclusion.

'This was meant to be.' She had stated over the phone. 'You're the type who's used to struggling for what you want, if this relationship had been easy from the start you would have let it go already. But love isn't easy, so please, don't let him go!' Mulling over her words, Ciel had agreed, he just couldn't let Sebastian go.

"It's going to be fine." She assured, giving him a quick peck on his cheek. "Just follow your heart."

"God, I don't know who's gayer." Edward chuckled. "You or Ciel!" The trio laughed as Lizzie affectionately pinched her brother's arm.

Ciel assessed his beautiful cousin, her long blonde hair swept up in a cascading up-do of golden curls, the lovely royal blue strapless gown adorned with crystals and her bright emerald eyes all made up the empathetic and loyal woman he completely adored. What would he do without her when she left for her internship in London?

Edward's smile dropped into a grimace as a chorus of excited voices entered the foyer. "Well look who finally showed up." He grumbled.

At the entrance stood both Claude and Sebastian like twin dark stars, their statuesque forms drawing many admiring stares. How could they not? Dressed entirely in black button down shirts and slacks their lily fair skin glowed warmly against the obsidian shock of shining hair they both possessed. One garnet eyed raven, one amber eyed crow accompanied by five other dance couples and . . .

"Vanessa!" Ciel gasped upon recognizing his friend dressed in a flowing shimmering black cocktail dress complete with stiletto heels, her creamy ivory skin shining beautifully against the silky material. Shaking his head, Ciel realized that Vanessa was arm in arm with Sebastian!

"That was her surprise for me!" He turned to Lizzie who stared in shock. "I knew she was taking dance lessons from him, but I didn't put two and two together!"

"I guess they're performing as partners?" Edward shrugged. "So she didn't know that you guys were dating, right?"

"Hm, I'm thinking Dr. Spears never divulged that information to her." Lizzie commented, humming with appreciation at the young secretary's outfit when suddenly both ladies locked eyes. Vanessa tilted her head to the side, indicating Sebastian and threw Lizzie a sly wink 'Team Ciel' she mouthed quietly.

Lizzie's eyes widened for a second, returning a small smile. "On the contrary." She said smoothly. "I do believe this is one performance we should not miss!"

* * *

Rachel and Vincent stood at the podium in the grand ballroom and welcomed their generous and esteemed guests. They shared their own stories of how cancer, Ciel's leukemia, had affected their lives and why the support and research were so necessary to the survival of not only the patient, but their loved ones as well. The evening commenced with music, speeches and a heart stopping performance by Taylor Swift. Her song in honor of childhood cancer victims reducing the entire room to tears.

"I fucking hate Taylor Swift!" Edward groaned as his fiancé, Paula sobbed in his arms. "Now look what I've got to deal with!" Rolling his eyes while Lizzie stuck her tongue out at him.

As expected, Angelina spent most of the night chasing after Ronald, Grell's beleaguered assistant. The poor young man kept a safe distance away from the wanton cougar who kept downing glass after glass of champagne.

"No wonder she and Grell are best friends!" Ronald moaned, ducking behind Dr. Spears who was standing by Ciel's table.

"I would suggest you steer clear of the open bar and the bathrooms if you wish to avoid her." The doctor advised, lightly chuckling at the cowering young man.

"Uh, thanks!" Ronald adjusted his glasses and smiled. "Or I could spend the evening hiding behind you. It's not a bad view from what I see." He laughed. The doctor eyed the handsome young man with dazzling green eyes and bicolored hair, was he just hit on?

"Please excuse me." Spears offered, turning to walk quickly away towards his table.

As the night went on the gala progressed smoothly for Ciel until the announcement for a performance by The Danse Macabre Company was given.

Sebastian breathed deeply, his head ached the moment he walked through the doors of the mansion and spotted Ciel from across the room. Claude had informed him earlier in the day that unbeknownst to him when Vanessa had contacted them to volunteer at the gala that the Durless family were related to the Phantomhives. What was worse was the connection Vanessa had with the families.

"She's the secretary to Ciel's oncologist." Claude had informed Sebastian, handing over Vanessa's business card. They had overlooked that bit of information when they first met her, understanding that she had a career in services for an oncologist, but never paying mind to the actual doctor.

Sebastian prayed that Spears had not indulged Vanessa with what had occurred between him and his ex-boyfriend. He couldn't imagine being able to face her during their performance if he had. Thankfully she had kept up with their practice schedule and had shown up on time to the studio for their dress rehearsal. Standing by her side, Sebastian gave her a quick smile and squeezed her hand as they entered the ballroom together.

"Are you ready, love?" He whispered.

"Oh, yes!" She answered. "I've been ready;  _love_."

A momentary sense of panic seized Sebastian upon hearing the malice soaked words pour out of his partner's mouth as the air suddenly stirred with a sensuous rendition of an Argentinian tango. Grabbing his hand, Vanessa dragged her unwilling partner to the center of the dance floor amidst loud applause and cheering.

"Come on, love." She hissed. " _Let's get this over with_!"

The dance itself was magnificent, Vanessa had practiced long and hard to master the complicated, but rapturous routine and it certainly showed in her liquid movements. Sebastian as well moved sylphlike throughout the dance floor earning whistles and sighs from both men and women alike.

Ciel sat mesmerized by the lithesome elegance of his former lover; every movement stirred a heated want within his body, an ache to be swallowed once again by that beast of a man. The room erupted into a boisterous clamor once the music ended; both dancers glistened in a fine sheen of sweat.

"You were bloody amazing!" Sebastian complimented, bowing chivalrously to the panting young woman. "Thank you and well done!"

Vanessa smiled. "Thank you! And before I forget," Raising her right foot, she slammed the thin heel with brute force on her partner's toes. "This one's for Ciel!" Sebastian swallowed the pained yelp and nausea rising from his gut.

"I was right." He spoke through gritted teeth, fighting the urge to lift his foot from under her shoe. "Your feet are unforgivably heavy." They glared at one another for a second before they plastered fake smiles on their faces and regarded the clapping guests with gracious bows. Finally they trotted off arm in arm into the performer's area outside of the ballroom.

Vanessa grabbed her purse from a makeshift dressing room and left the troupe without a word, making a beeline for Ciel's table. Sebastian watched the rest of the dancers head for the ballroom, his foot throbbing painfully.

"Shall I fetch you some ice?" Claude drawled as Sebastian slumped on a chair in the large changing room.

"I deserved the foot mashing and so much more." He responded tiredly "But I need to speak to him, Claude."

"Then do it." Claude kneeled beside his friend and eyed his foot. "But let's have a dekko at that before it swells, eh?"

Twenty minutes later the group of elated and breathless dancers returned to the dressing rooms, hurriedly changed into their evening garbs and seated themselves at their reserved dinner tables. A sullen Sebastian opted to stay alone in the changing room in order to rest his mutilated foot and gather his thoughts about approaching Ciel.

Cool cubes of ice slid mercifully over the bruised surface area of Sebastian's foot. Before he was set to perform, Claude had grabbed a filled ice bucket from the kitchen and had immersed his friend's foot in it. Seated on a plush armchair, Sebastian closed his eyes and breathed slowly. His desire to see Ciel once more was slowly driving him mad.

Days after his confrontation with Spears he had dreamt of his blue eyed prize being once more in his arms. The young man's smell and taste still haunted him and at the present moment and time he swore he could hear his voice.

Red eyes shot open. "I hear him!" He grunted as he kicked the ice bucket over and grabbed his sock and shoe. "I hear him!" Limping carelessly out of the room Sebastian could indeed hear the tender tones of his beloved's voice permeating the hallway which separated the kitchen and performers area from the ballroom. It sounded as if Ciel was making a speech! The echo of the sweet voice drew him in like a moth to a flame, it's pull magnetic and irresistible.

Leaving the dancer's dressing room, Sebastian quickly made his way down the corridor where servers were scurrying about with large platters of hors d'oeuvre and flutes of champagne; he needed to see Ciel. Finally spotting a servant's entrance into the ballroom, the dancer strode out into the elaborately decorated grand room and caught his breath.

On a small staged area surrounded by a large orchestra band and bathed in white spotlights stood Ciel, reading from a pile of discreetly hidden notecards. The microphone on the single podium where he read from helped to carry his small voice throughout the entire room. Sebastian frowned at the dark shadows beneath his ex-lover's eyes, the sunken cheeks and the mouse like tone in Ciel's voice. This was so far removed from the man he had first met more than two months ago.

A quick glance behind Ciel revealed the presence of Rachel and Vincent standing arm in arm and smiling proudly as they watched their only child give his first speech. They stood sentinel, protective stances as the visibly frail man delivered his message to the audience. Rachel flicked her eyes to the crowd and sucked in a sharp breath when she noticed Sebastian among the guests, a dark form among the glimmering lights. Vincent felt his wife's body stiffen and fixed a steely gaze at the dancer, malice and loathing practically dripping from his eyes. if looks could kill Sebastian would have been flat lining. Instead of backing away; however, he chose to ignore the poisonous looks in favor of silently watching and listening to Ciel and his speech.

"Cancer research is needed in order for a final cure to be gained." Ciel took a moment to glance up from his note cards and found his eyes locked into a pair of warm wine red orbs staring intensely only a few feet away. Immediate silence descended upon him and the next few lines caught in the back of his throat. He wanted to look back down at his notes, to regain his senses and finish his speech, but he was caught in the spell of Sebastian's gaze and suddenly words like water began to pour from his heart.

"Which is why, after over a decade of keeping my battle with leukemia a secret from the public eye, I've decided to abandon the idea that I was alone in this struggle. I had to let go of so many useless emotions that were hindering my healing process."

"I realize now that there is no more time to be afraid, no more time for pity, no more time for shame. If I'm going to survive, I can't be afraid to die. If I'm going to support fellow patients, I can't waste time feeling sorry for myself. If I'm going to work to raise funds for cancer research and awareness for and about treatment, then I can't hide the truth about my own illness. I can't be ashamed of something that I did not create nor wish to have, but I can be ashamed of myself if I do nothing to educate the public about the struggles of facing a life with cancer."

"I can bow my head and curse myself if I deny this fact to anyone because cancer does not define who I am, it does not own me, and thus hiding behind a cover of falsity, of fear, of denial will destroy me way before the cancer ever will."

"And so here I stand, fighting alongside many of you, living each day to its fullest and understanding the deepest sense of love. Love, like acceptance and support, must be unconditional. I've learned to accept the fact that I may die a lot sooner than I'd like, but with the support of my family, friends, and medical professionals like Dr. William T. Spears, I live with a tremendous sense of hope and determination."

"Tonight's benefit is going to help make my positive experience available to more and more people fighting this disease. Thank you all for your generous donations, because of your selfless gifts more research will be completed, more families will be able to afford state of the art medical care and facilities and perhaps more children will be able to grow into healthy cancer free adults without shame, without fear."

"There will be more gifted and dedicated personnel and staff willing and ready to assist patients and doctors, more birthdays, more holidays, more years to experience life and . . ." Ciel's voice faltered as he fought the myriad of emotions exploding within his heart.

What did he want to say to Sebastian? Why had the world become so blurred? His mouth hung open for a second before he recognized the look Sebastian was giving him. It was the wordless want and desire they both had communicated so many times to each other in their most intimate of moments. It was the look of desperate and unforgettable love that could not be denied.

"Love." He whispered into the microphone, eyes never leaving his ex-boyfriend's. "To experience life and love,  _one hundred percent._ "

Twin red orbs widened in shock over the last uttered line and Sebastian's heart rate quickened as he stood soundlessly watching the young man he completely adored. The meaning behind the impromptu line was not lost on him and a surge of hope nearly sent him toppling over.

Ciel smiled at the expression on Sebastian's face as he continued. "Thank you once again, I hope you all will enjoy this evening." Thunderous applause and cheers erupted, the deafening outpouring of admiration and support shook Ciel to his very core. The forgotten note cards lay discarded on top of the podium as he made his way down the three steps of the stage and into a crowd of well-wishers and friends. He smiled politely, shaking numerous hands and thanking guests for their attendance and support all the while attempting to keep eye contact with Sebastian.

"Beautiful speech!"

"Exceptional!"

"So inspiring!"

Ciel blushed. "Thank you, really thank you." Sebastian felt his composure begin to ebb away as he watched his blue eyed boy edge closer and closer to him. Every step, every movement from the young man was too painstakingly slow, but he was too afraid to charge forward. Ciel needed to make his own way towards him under his own volition, under his own terms; it was the most Sebastian could do for his love.

"Sebby!" A sickly sweet voice purred in the dark haired man's ear, causing his blood to freeze. "I've been looking all over for you, baby!" Turning slowly, Sebastian glared at the owner of the voice, anger boiling in his veins.

"Go away." He hissed through gritted teeth. Grell pouted, jade eyes twinkling with menacing delight.

"Why so nasty, my love? I haven't done anything to warrant such a brutal greeting from you!" He whined.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" Sebastian glanced over his shoulder; Ciel was watching him, eagle eyed and serious. He nodded and drew his attention back to Grell. "I've no time to waste on you, so piss off and leave me alone!" He spat.

"I was invited. I happen to be involved with some very important people, you know." He pouted before sliding up close to Sebastian again. "In fact, I just happen to be related to someone whose business might be of interest to you." Placing red lips next to a reluctant ear, he whispered. "Will's my cousin." Sebastian shoved the touchy man off his person and glared skeptically at him.

"Will and I are very close." Grell snickered, twirling a piece of his long cherry red hair. "So close, that he tells me everything going on in his professional and private life." He hummed thoughtfully. "Personal information and intimate details which includes you're little ex-boyfriend over there." Crimson nails flicked in the direction where Ciel stood, a shapely eyebrow arching. "If you catch my drift." Sebastian eyed the eccentric man carefully, a litany of red flag warning buzzers going off in his head.

"Bullshit." He hissed, turning once again to face Ciel.

"No. Bullshit." Grell argued, grabbing Sebastian's arm and forcibly turning him around. "I don't care what happens to that little brat, but I am worried about my poor cousin." He complained dramatically, flinging an arm over his eyes like a femme fatale. "Will has such a kind heart and he's being taken advantage of by a 21 year old lying twink with a tight ass." Regaining his composure almost immediately, Grell winked. "Again, if you catch my drift." Narrowing his eyes, Sebastian felt the heat of rage rise steadily on his face.

"What the fuck are you havering about?" He seethed. "Explain yourself!"

"Not here, you classless monster." Grell shushed glancing around quickly as if they were being watched. Latching onto Sebastian's arm, the flamboyant man began to drag him out of the room and away from the Ciel. "Come, Sebby. We will discuss this someplace more private." Walking through a hallway and up a flight of stairs. "Let us go to Angie's room where no one will disturb us."

"Angie?" Sebastian questioned, looking back worriedly for Ciel. He loathed having to spend one more second with this insane man, but the prospect of hearing about what had been going on with his ex-lover and the doctor was too much to give up. If the only way to find out the truth was to listen to the incessant yammering of this idiot, then so be it.

"Angie, Angelina, Dr. Durless." Grell sang out cheerfully as they turned another corner. "My best friend, Madame Red!" He trilled pulling the dark haired man along into another room and yet a second staircase. Grell led Sebastian up and turned to the right, briskly walking down a dimly lit antique styled hallway aligned with large family portraits in oil. The further they walked the quieter the lively sounds of the orchestra became; replaced by a tense stillness in the air.

"This floor is for guest bedrooms only." Grell informed, opening the door to a room. "But since Angie is Ciel's aunt, she has a permanent room here."

"As if I give a bloody fuck." Sebastian growled impatiently, wrenching his arm free from Grell's grasp. "Hurry up and tell me what you know!" He glanced around the large bedroom, feeling uncomfortable being alone here with Grell.

The man giggled and tossed himself daintily on the deep maroon colored duvet of the queen sized four poster bed. Turning on his side, he propped his head on his hand and threw a sly wink at the fuming man. "Why don't you swing that sexy tight ass over here." He patted an area on the bed next to his body. "I noticed you were limping an-"

"Fucking unbelievable!" Sebastian spat, turning on his heel and stomping towards the door. "You insufferable twit!" He cursed, hand reaching for the door knob.

"Ciel slept with William!" Grell practically shouted, sitting up slowly. "I told my cousin that he was setting himself up as sloppy seconds, but he's so in love with that little brat that he wouldn't listen to reason." Green eyes rolled themselves at the thought, while Sebastian stood frozen in place.

The new information tore through his body, numbing every single nerve and burning tiny fires from the crown of his head down to the tips of his toes. He felt as if Grell had pushed him into a pit of flames, an inferno of shock that left him feeling seared and burnt beyond repair. How could this be true? His mind frantically questioned, how could this have happened?

Back still turned, Sebastian spoke. "I have yet to have one word with Ciel since his birthday and frankly, I'm quite tired of getting any and all information of him secondhand. I'd rather face him and hear what he has to say." Looking over his shoulder he calmly assessed the leering red head stretched lazily across the length of the bed. "I don't believe a single word of what you are telling me, for until I see it for myself or hear it fall from the man I love's lips, it's all assumptions and theories." Reaching for the door again, Sebastian paused at the sound of a low chuckling from behind.

"You stupid, stupid man." Grell chortled, holding his sides as his body shook with gaiety. "You are so naive! Ciel has moved on. He and William are spending the night together here in a bedroom just down the hall from us." Grell hopped off the bed and sauntered towards Sebastian. "What if you saw it with your own two glorious eyes, hm?" He purred, running his fingertips up and down Sebastian's toned back. "Would you believe it then?"

The room was quiet for a few seconds until a deep sigh escaped Sebastian's lips, he was torn between the suspicions being whispered in his ear and the faith in his heart that Ciel would not give himself so quickly nor so easily to someone else. However, the longer time went by without having contact with his precious blue butterfly, the brighter the ember of doubt burned in the back of his mind. What if he had devastated Ciel so much that the college student had sought refuge in the arms of another man?

"Fine." He whispered grudgingly. "Show me."

* * *

Ciel's eyes scanned the entire ballroom, flitting from one tall dark haired man to another with ease; however, not seeing the one person the blue spheres were so eagerly searching for. They darkened in disappointment as with each passing minute it became clearer that Sebastian had left the main dining area. To make matters worse was who he had actually left with. Shaking his head, Ciel made his way towards his table where William sat chatting with Lizzie and Edward.

"Well look who's here, the great orator!" The doctor smiled, motioning to an empty chair beside him. "I never knew you were adept at public speaking!"

"Ah, well, I had notecards so that helped." Ciel shrugged, his attention going back to the entrances of the room.

"Who are you looking for?" Lizzie asked, taking a sip of water from her glass. "You look nervous."

"No one." He quickly answered. "It's not a big deal."

Spears leaned over to speak lowly in Ciel's ear. "Would you mind accompanying me upstairs? I need to speak with you in private."

"Speak to me? Now?" Ciel frowned. "Can't it wait till tomorrow?"

"I'm leaving for two days to a last minute conference in Chicago first thing in the morning." He explained, standing up and patting the small shoulder. "I promise it won't take long." Lizzie and Ciel exchanged a curious look between them.

"I'll wait for you here." She nodded.

"Ok." He mumbled, following his doctor out of the ballroom.

A few minutes later Ciel found himself seated in his bedroom staring at the framed portraits of his family on the night table. Those were happier times, he thought sadly, marveling at how healthy and full of joy they all seemed before he had cancer.

"What did you need to talk to me about?" He looked up at Spears who had positioned himself in a chair next to Ciel's bed. He clasped his hands together and gave the young man a wistful smile.

"Ciel, I love you." He said warmly, reaching out to grasp one of Ciel's hands. "I am in love with you and I need to know if there is a possibility you could be in love with me too."

"I know you love me." He confessed lowly, nervousness creeping into him. "And I do love you, I really do, but not the way you want me to . . ." Ciel's confidence faltered and he let the sentence fade out into silence.

"I'm a patient man." Spears informed. "I've waited so many years for you to be ready and I'll contin-"

"No! This isn't the same!" He cut in, slipping his hand free from the doctor's fingers. Ciel exhaled a shaky breath. "I can't learn to be in love with you because, it's just not there and I don't think it ever will be." A sense of release came over him as pent up guilt and confusion finally disentangled themselves from his heart. "I'm sorry I gave you the wrong idea. I was just so hurt and confused from my break up that you being there for me helped ease the pain. Just like you've always been there when I was in pain." He explained, hoping the honesty was coming across in his words.

"If you forget him, you can be free to love me, Ciel." Spears pleaded with watering eyes, his voice etched in desperation. "You know I'm better for you, in the long run I'm the better choice for you."

"If I loved you that way, he wouldn't even be a second of a thought in my mind." Ciel pointed out calmly. "But he's everywhere to me, he's all I ever feel, all I ever think about and it's not an obsession. It's love in its truest deepest sense and I want him just as much as I need him." He worried his lower lip, his chest aching for having to hurt this man who had played such an important part in his life.

"You are breaking me, Ciel." Spears mumbled, his composure starting to crumble at hearing the words he didn't want spoken.

"Will, why would you settle for a halfhearted love when you deserve so much more than that?" Ciel's tone became tender with compassion. He could not hate Spears nor could he resent him for falling in love with him. This man had spent the last 10 years saving his life and he owed him more than he could ever fathom. But because of that, Ciel refused to live an emotional lie and he was not willing to sentence the doctor to a life of false and misdirected love.

The sounds of a chair moving and a shifting body brought Ciel out of his train of thought. Spears leaned forward, their knees touching as disappointed green locked onto remorseful blue. Neither said anything for a few minutes, the only sound was that of their apprehensive breaths.

"I never meant to hurt you." Ciel whispered in a voice thick with emotion, his small hands reaching out to cup William's tear streaked face. "But I've paid you back with nothing, but pain . . "

"No." Spears hushed him, long arms pulling the small body close while pressing their foreheads together. "Everything I did for you was not in search of payment, but because at the end of the day, I am a doctor and the preservation of life is my duty." He lessened his hold to look at Ciel's face "However you've repaid me in other ways you never knew."

Ciel cocked his head. "How?"

"I used to view patients the way a mechanic viewed cars; things to study, to fix, and for some, to dispose of when they were beyond repair." Jade eyes glistened as he choked out his confession. "But then a child of wonderment and light came into my office and brought a change into my world that eventually gave me back my purpose in life."

"You gifted me with purpose, Ciel." He continued, his hands clutching Ciel's thin arms. "You gave my life meaning again and perhaps I'm out of line for falling in love with you, but I will never regret it. Because these have been the best years of my life and I thank you for that." Ciel felt his cheeks burn.

"I did that for you?" He breathed. "Really?"

"Yes, you really did." Spears smiled softly.

"So, are we . . . ok?" Ciel asked hesitantly

William smiled again and nodded. He was hurt, but he knew that this was the only route they both could take. Curing his patients was still his top priority, but looking back at how he had approached the possibility of love, he knew he would have to open up more and shed some of his icy facade if he were to ever find his own special someone. Finally, after all of these years, the doctor realized he wanted to share his life with someone who loved him as well. "Yes, we're more than OK." He reassured and then adding quickly, "May I ask for one last small favor?"

"Sure." Ciel quirked an eyebrow. "What's the favor?"

"Could I have one last kiss before we head back downstairs?" Spears requested tentatively, explaining rapidly as doubt clouded the young man's face. "It would just be a nice way to remember the time we spent together; other than just doctor and patient." Ciel grinned at the justification.

"Wow, you are a piece of work!" He laughed, playfully swatting his doctor's head with his hands. "Fine, fine, but no tongue, got it?"

"Got it." Spears chuckled, leaning into Ciel's face as their lips met softly with no passion. Instead, the previous heat was replaced with a loving bond that seemed to seal itself between the two men. One sworn to protect and heal, the other sworn to cherish and trust.

"Ciel!" A voice cried out, roughly snapping the pair from their kiss. The rich velvet sound of a lost love came roaring into Ciel's ears and he jolted upright, eyes widening in horror at who was positioned at the door.

Sebastian stood in the doorway, garnet orbs shining with disbelief. His tall frame trembled with rage; anger at Ciel and anger at himself for not wanting to see the obvious truth that had been laid out in front of him all along. Grief radiated from his very being and Ciel felt his heart crumble at seeing the dark emotion take over the man.

"Sebastian." He croaked, desperately trying to form audible words as he rose from the bed. Spears sat completely still, watching Ciel with a worried expression on his face.

"Don't." Sebastian hissed, halting the young man's actions with the razor edge in his tone. "I-I'm sorry. I see where your heart truly lies now." Clenching his jaw, eyes screwed tightly shut. "I won't be bothering you anymore." He forced out, spinning around and bolting from the room.

"Sebastian!" Ciel screamed, lunging off the bed and scrambling towards the door. "Come back! Come-ah bah . . ." He gasped, stumbling after only a few feet as the room began to spin.

"Ciel!" Spears shouted, rushing to the crumpled body. Checking the faint pulse in the slim wrist, the doctor lifted Ciel's head from the floor. "Remain still. Can you tell me your full name?"

"Ci-Ciel Pha-Pha-" He rasped, the last bit of oxygen leaving him as his lungs constricted on themselves. Ciel's eyes rolled back into his head as he fell into blissful darkness.

 


	33. Chapter 33

**Greetings delicious skullzzzzz!**

**THE END IS NEAR...**

**Seriously, I was looking over my notes and I realized that there may be three to four chapters left to write. I'm sad, like legit grieving over here! Obviously I can't drag out this story beyond its purpose, but my heart is breaking knowing that my first ever fan Fic is coming to an end.**

**SOB**

**SNIFFLES**

**WAILING**

**OK, I know I'm being a drama queen but I promise to give proper warning before the last two chapters are posted.**

**So, thank you for the excellent reviews and thanks again to AnimeCujo for being an amazing editor and friend oxox**

**READ, ENJOY, REVIEW, FAVORTIE, FOLLOW, THANKS!**

* * *

" _Sebastian . . ."_

_"Sebastian . . ."_

_"Sebastian."_

A sliver of blood red peeked through a pair of sleep heavy eyelids.

"Sebastian, wake up." The soft voice commanded.

The muddy haze of drowsiness began to wane.

"Ci . . . el?" Sebastian rasped. Below him, he could feel the familiar texture and solidity of his cotton sheeted bed as he stretched his long limbs out in an effort to wake up. A wisp of strawberries and roses floated lazily through the air and as his eyes grew accustomed to the bright white light surrounding him, he realized he was back in his flat. And he wasn't alone.

Jolting his head up, Sebastian propped himself on his elbows and took in the sight before him. He was completely naked and so was Ciel . . .

Ciel!

There were no sheets covering them, their pale skin flawless and perfect against the ebony covers strewn messily across the bed. All around them was an aura of soft white light and it was quiet, except for the sounds of their steady breathing. However, what unnerved Sebastian the most was not the strange silence nor was it the ethereal glowing light which seemed to cocoon the two men and solitary bed. Not even the fact that he had awoken naked with an equally naked Ciel in his bed with him. No, what truly shook him to the core was the position they were in; Ciel was straddling Sebastian and snugly impaled on his hard cock.

"W-Wha-What is this?!" He stammered stupidly, body tensing at the feel of his thick length wrapped tightly within his lover's trembling muscles. "How did . . . did thi-"

"Sebastian, touch me." Ciel begged softly, eyes blue pools of unbridled want and desire. "Please, feel me." Sebastian dug his fingers into the mattress, balling up sheets in his clenched fists as he fought the urge to grab onto the slim hips of his beautiful boy and begin grinding into him.

"Ciel!" He gasped at the feeling of the young man shifting his body, the hot, inner walls squeezing him so pleasurably. "What are you doing?!"

Leaning forward, Ciel trailed his small hands up Sebastian's rippled abdomen, pressing his palms tenderly against the broad damp chest. A shy smile played on his lips, blue eyes bright with a delicate mixture of adoration and need. Slowly, he raised his hips, moving them in a fluid motion that made Sebastian moan lewdly.

"Wait, Ciel! What are you doing?" He panted as plump mounds ground onto his upper thighs. Instinctively, Sebastian gripped the slender hips, feeling the way Ciel's muscles flexed as he continued to rock back and forth.

Electric pleasure burned hot in his veins and Sebastian closed his eyes, listening to the sounds of their sweat slicked skin connecting over and over again. Every noise was magnified; sharp breaths and low moans filled the air, intertwining into a harmony created from pure love and trust. Pleasure ebbed and flowed within them, swelling and moving in perfect synchronicity as their bodies become one being just like before.

"There's no one else but you, no one else." Ciel breathed, his dark bangs pressed against his damp forehead.

Sebastian moaned at the words. "But I saw . . . I saw you an-"

"No one, but you." He cooed. "I love no one else, but you."

Sitting up suddenly, Sebastian wrapped Ciel's legs around his midsection. Licking his lips before capturing the panting mouth of his partner in a desperate kiss, he mumbled. "I-ah, I'm sorry, love; for everything." Pulling away to gaze into those beautiful blue eyes. "For everything I've done!" Sebastian cried passionately, his voice raw with the emotional turmoil of separation, betrayal and hurt.

"Baby, I missed you so much!" Ciel groaned, gyrating in Sebastian's lap as the hot coil of ecstasy wound itself tighter within them. "Kiss me again."

Sebastian cupped the heart shaped face, lovingly staring at the refined features of the gorgeous young man who was connected so intimately to him. He felt warmth resonate in his chest; heart beating madly, sick with love and thankful for the second chance bestowed upon him. But the pretty flesh before him, pressed against his skin was strangely foreign. Frowning deeply, Sebastian drew Ciel into an embrace, their bodies pressed firmly against each other's.

"Ciel, you feel, you feel so . . . cold." He whispered, hands running up and down the small back.

"Don't let me go." Ciel whined, fingernails scraping along the muscled expanse of the dancer's shoulders.

In an instance, Sebastian felt the lithe body before him become lighter and to his horror a dark shadow suddenly loomed over them; a cloudy formless mass that seemed to swallow up every inch of available light.

"Don't let me go!" Ciel cried, his face awash with tears, panic widening his eyes. "Don't let me go!"

Before Sebastian could react, the shadow swooped in, enveloping Ciel in swirls of black smoke. Despair and grief crashed over him, the love he had been holding onto only moments again gone from his arms. Sebastian had somehow lost Ciel, the dark shadow having stolen the one person he truly loved on this earth and he hadn't been able to stop it.

"Ciel! Ciel! Come back!" He screamed, watching the nebulous form of his lover dissipate into nothingness. "No, no! Ciel!" . . .

Sebastian felt his body being roughly pushed and pulled, eyes shooting open in a panic as the surroundings slowly came into focus. "What happened?" He choked, wiping his damp face with his hand. Looking around he recognized the inside of the commercial flight and to his right, a visibly irate Claude. Golden irises glaring at him as long fingers gripped Sebastian's shirt roughly; shaking him back and forth into consciousness.

That's right; He thought tiredly. We're on a flight back to London.

"Wake up! For God's sake! Wake the fuck up you bloody oaf!" Claude cursed lowly, shaking him violently. "No way are you allowed to sleep anymore on this trip!" Sebastian shoved his friend's hands off his person.

"Are you bladdered?" He asked, giving him a scrutinizing look.

"I've spent the last two hours watching your blinking mad face contort as if you were giving birth to an ox!" Claude spat, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose; patience worn thin. "Then I spent a good 20 minutes fighting off advances by your hand, trying to fondle me crown jewels!"

Sebastian blushed. "I attempted to cop a feel?" He chuckled, playfully flicking his friend's leg with his fingers.

"More like a police raid you gormless nitwit!" He growled, sharply smacking the offending hand away "Arsehole! Even in your sleep you're a pervert!"

"My apologies." Sebastian scowled, rubbing his stinging hand. "I had some strange as fuck dreams is all."

"Do tell?" Claude remarked sarcastically. "I would have never guessed." Grabbing a book from his lap, he resumed his reading; irritation clearly evident. "Crying out your ex-lover's name while groping me." Claude grumbled. "I'll need therapy after this flight."

"I'm not going to talk about it. So piss off and read your bloody book!" Sebastian hissed, looking out the window once more and shaking his head. "I'm happy to be coming home, even if it's just for holiday." He sighed, the bite from his previous mood starting to dissolve as he thought of finally seeing his family after a year's absence. Yet, It would be foolish to think that the trip was merely a long overdue family reunion; the reality was that Sebastian needed to escape the trouble plaguing him in New York.

The image of Ciel locked in a kiss with Dr. Spears in his bedroom had sent the dancer over the edge of sanity. He had stumbled downstairs, practically deaf to the cries of his former lover and dragged Claude out of the mansion while the benefit gala was still underway. His friend had panicked, thinking Sebastian had fought with Ciel, but upon hearing what he had just witnessed, the pair promptly hopped into their cars and driven away. Two days later they were online to board a plane straight to England.

"Is mum picking us up?" Claude asked, wanting to find out more about this mysterious dream, but knowing that Sebastian wouldn't tell him anything. When something deeply affected the crimson eyed male, those thoughts went into an emotional vault that he kept under lockdown; never to be spoken over ever again.

"No; Mina." Sebastian hesitated, admiring the crystal blue skies laced with silky strands of white clouds. They reminded him of the ivory ribbons his sister wore in her hair when she was a toddler. "Mum's been under the weather an-"

"Cor Blimey! Still?" Claude exclaimed, putting his book down again. "She's been sick for what? The past year?"

"I'm afraid so." Sebastian moaned, covering his face with his hands. "Christ kill me, if she's popped a fever we're all doomed."

The amber eyed male shuddered and nodding in agreement; Lilith Michaelis turned into the devil incarnate if her temperature hit 101.5 and above. When Mum was feverish the whole household suffered. Her foul temper and take-no-prisoners approach towards dealing with the world would spiral out of control when she was sick.

"Perhaps we can crush some meds in her tea." Sebastian mused, glancing over at Claude and shrugging his shoulders. "Or we could just deal with her."

"You get the tea," Claude huffed, opening his book. "I'll crush the damned pills!"

The excitement of finally landing at Heathrow Airport had discarded all negative feelings with the two men and the thrill of touching down on their homeland after such a long absence had them nearly overwhelmed with anticipation. Upon hearing the announcement from the flight deck that they were in their final approach into London, a flutter of nerves and pure elation filled the two friends as they shared a knowing glance at each other. Finally, they were home.

Rushing to deplane, Sebastian quickly checked his cell phone for messages. There were two texts from Jezebel informing him that there would be some new students beginning lessons after the New Year and a voicemail from Mina instructing him to meet her at the gatehouse in Terminal 1.

Abuzz with thousands of travelers, Heathrow was thrumming with the sounds of life and excitement.

"Bass! Claudy! Over here!" The men looked about the airport teeming with activity, but neither could place the direction of the high pitched voice calling their names. Each carried a simple duffle bag as they made their way like bats in a cave trying to pinpoint the source of the squealing female voice. "You blinking idiots! Over here!" A lively young woman hollered above the din of the bustling airport.

"There!" Claude pointed a few feet away at a pair of hands waving frantically in the air above the shoulders of several travelers making their way through the terminal.

As they hurried along they finally caught sight of the young woman with the broad smile running towards them with open arms. Her tiny stature placed her at 5'1" and barely over 95 lbs., hardly a suitable comparison in height to her brother who stood at well over 6'2.

With her long thick raven hair, doe shaped blood red eyes and milk white skin she was almost elfin in appearance. A perfect, yet tiny, replica of her brother, Mina Michaelis was every bit as confident and brilliantly talented as he. However, it was growing up with Claude as a foster brother where she learned to be level headed and rational in times of crisis.

"Welcome home!" She cried, flinging herself into their waiting arms. "I'm so happy! So flipping happy to see you guys! Blimey! I missed you both so much!" Her face became shiny with tears of joy and relief.

Her brothers had left for New York three years ago and she could count on one hand how many times she had seen them since. Between their hectic dance and business schedule and Mina attending The Cambridge School of Performing Arts, there was barely any room for traveling or visiting.

"How's my baby sister?" Sebastian laughed, enveloping her mouse like frame in his arms for a bear hug. He lifted his china doll sibling until her feet were dangling in midair. "Did you drive out here all by yourself?" He asked concerned.

"Seriously, Bass! I'm not a damned baby!" She pouted, indignantly kicking her legs. "Now put me down so I can give Claude a proper greeting!" Sebastian set his sister down and promptly pulled her hair.

"You shouldn't have traveled here on your own! Joker, Dagger, even that stupid git, Peter could have accompanied you!" He reprimanded lightly.

Mina waved him off and turned to Claude to receive an equally tight hug from her foster brother. "I couldn't trust our dodgy cousins with being on time!" She chuckled. "Come let's leg it! I've got no time on the meter and Mum's feeling better so she's preparing your favorite meals!" She exclaimed looking at the time on her cell phone.

"Shepard's Pie?" Claude asked hopefully.

"Black Pudding?" Sebastian hummed dreamily.

"Affirmative on both! Oi! I believe baggage claim is over there!" Mina pointed towards a crowded area where a sign indicated baggage pick up. "This is going to be the best holiday!" She beamed.

When Mykhal and Lilith Michaelis married 20 years ago they had decided to rent a three bedroom flat in Brockley, a district of South London. The humble household was to have been a "starter home" for their small family and Mykhal would often remind his wife that one day when he became head editor of the local newspaper that they would leave their cozy surroundings for a large Tudor house in an upscale neighborhood.

The beautiful young mother would smile and just shake her head, telling her beloved that as long as they were together raising Sebastian and Mina, she was content where they were. However, that wish never came to be as 10 years into their happy marriage, everything changed and the untimely death of her soul mate almost prompted her into taking her own life; that is, if it weren't for her two precious children.

Mykhal had been a gifted writer, a loving father, a dedicated husband, but even angels have their own demons.

Lilith's heart ached looking out the window of the second story flat she had spent the last 20 years of her life in. Mina was parking the car and yelling obscenities at her brothers for covering her eyes and pulling her hair as she attempted to back into a spot. From up on high, the mother watched with amusement.

"They never change, do they?" She murmured, stifling a cough behind her hand. An ache began to throb in her heart watching the three bickering adults exit the car. Her late husband had been a fair haired, blue eyed man with an enviable olive complexion; it had never been unusual for him to be mistaken as an Italian. Lilith, on the other hand, was a direct contrast to that, with jet black hair and oddly red colored eyes. Although Sebastian and Mina had their mother's shading, they were mirror images of their father's face. And every day, since the night Mykhal had died, she had felt the pull of despair when she would look upon her children.

An odd saving grace for her had come in the form of Claude; who had been thrust into her life after the devastating death of his little sister, Hannah. The poor boy's plight had snapped Lilith right back into reality and she found that her suffering could wait as there was another child who was broken and needed a loving home. She raised him as if her were her own flesh and blood and when the good lord took one, he gave another she supposed.

The sounds of excitable chatter and stomping feet grew louder as the trio trudged their way up the stairs hauling luggage behind them. Lilith smiled and did a quick once over the clean, but slightly cluttered flat; smiling at the memories the walls held. Sebastian and Claude had offered to move Lilith and Mina to some of the more affluent and desirable areas in North London such as Hampstead Heath or in West London where the wealthy enjoyed exclusive properties. However, the women never really liked the idea of rubbing elbows in Chelsea and Knightsbridge, also it seemed like a waste of money to buy a huge home when they already had a place to live. Not understanding the logic; Sebastian had come to the conclusion that they were both out of their minds.

The door opened and all three came tumbling in. "Mum! They're here!" Mina called, throwing her keys on a nearby table. "And I already want them to go back!"

"My boys! My boys!" Lilith came bounding towards the men with open arms. "My two black birds have come back to the nest!" Laughing joyfully, they both scooped her up in a group embrace, feeling a warmth they had all been missing for far too long. Suddenly Lilith pulled away, squeezing their arms and frowning. "Oi! Look how thin you both are!" She scowled. "It's a disgrace! God save the queen, but you both are a pair of skinny bastards!" Claude sighed and kissed Lilith on her cheek while Sebastian shook his head.

"We missed you too, mum." He grinned.

* * *

"Your grandmother is quite the trooper." Dr. Spears smiled gently at the young woman standing before him in the hallway of the hospital cancer ward. "Her blood work came back normal and I can safely say this will be the last I see of Harriet for another six months." Reaching out, he patted her shoulder and nodded towards an elderly lady being wheeled out of one of the examination rooms by Nurse Angela. "I just wish she could have been home in time for Christmas." He admitted apologetically.

The young woman shook her head quickly. "Oh, no way, Dr. Spears! Don't say that! If it wasn't for your treatment my grandma wouldn't be here at all!" She smiled and clasped his hands, the look of gratitude brightly lighting her face. "We lost all hope once she was diagnosed, but you pulled her through." She looked to her grandmother and sighed. "You're our hero, doctor."

"A hero? Really, Sophie." He chuckled, releasing his hands. "I'm just doing my job."

"Nope, it was more than just a job to you." They turned to walk towards Harriet who was waiting patiently by the front desk. "You treated her, and my family, like we mattered. I believe that's what gave her the will to fight back."

"Dr. Spears!" Angela waved to Harriet and trotted over to the physician. "I just stopped by Ciel's room to change his IV bag and he's awake." Her violet eyes softened. "And he's asking only for you." Spears looked down at the floor, hands thrust into the pockets of his slacks.

"I've asked you to tell him I'm busy today." He said quietly; a defeated look on his face.

"He specifically asked for you." She repeated sternly, her grip on her clipboard tightening. "Excuse me, I have to finish my rounds." Wheeling around, she hurried down the hallway.

The beleaguered doctor watched his patient, Harriet, as she held her granddaughter's hand and lovingly stroked her long hair. Sophie looked relieved, contented with the fact that the rest of the holidays would be filled with joy. He had not been too sure that the rest of his holidays would have fared well after Ciel's collapse at the benefit only a few days ago.

It was a complete shock to Spears when Grell had ushered Sebastian into Ciel's bedroom that night; in no way, shape or form had that been any part of his plan. He had told his eccentric cousin that he would confess his deepest desires to the young man in the privacy of his bedroom in hopes that Ciel would not be affected by the presence of his ex-boyfriend. Apparently, Grell had manufactured a plan of his own and had asked Will when he intended to speak to his patient.

"After he is done delivering his speech." Spears had informed him. It was all about timing for the conniving redhead, he thought. There had been just enough time to have them walk into a bedroom with Ciel alone with Spears, but the kiss was pure bonus.

What no one truly expected was for Ciel to collapse.

At first glance it appeared as if he had been overtaken with exhaustion and shock, however, after pressing the woefully thin man's abdomen, Spears had detected an area of swelling and had Ciel carried to his car. Calling an ambulance would have been senseless and he needed to go directly to Mt. Sinai in the city, not some local hospital.

"I take full responsibility!" Spears had shouted over his shoulder at Ciel's parent's while he carried their son bridal style to his vehicle.

Rachel had almost fainted from fear and anxiety while Vincent had fired off instructions to his numerous personal assistants. "We are heading for the hospital. Take over the gala and help Angelina in any way possible!" He had ordered, grabbing his wife's arm and hauling her to their car.

In the end, Ciel had spiked a dangerous fever of 104, nearly sending his weak body into convulsions. A CT scan revealed an enlarged and infected spleen which required immediate surgery.

"We operate tonight." Spears stated, picking up his office phone he dialed an extension. "Hello? Hematology? Page Dr. Kadar immediately, I will be needing his assistance with surgery tonight!"

With infected spleen removed, Ciel should have been fine, but the severe anemia complicated the surgery. Dr. Kadar had kept his counts level, applying clotting agents and pints of blood to assure the young man did not go into cardiac arrest. All the while Rachel and Vincent sat in their finest evening attire in the waiting room, dying inside as their son fought for his life.

"How's my favorite patient feeling this morning?" Dr. Spears chirped cheerfully; entering the room he noted the pair of bright, but heavy lidded blue eyes.

"I-I'm so tired." Ciel croaked, struggling to sit up. "My legs feel . . . heavy."

Spears nodded and walked over to the side of the bed to press a button on a remote nearby. The top began to move upwards, allowing Ciel's upper body to be elevated. "Hm, I've upped your dosage of oxycodone. You'll be more aware come the next few days when the infections have subsided." He explained.

"Can-can I have some water? My throat is dry." He coughed, feebly tapping his fingertips against his throat. Spears winced at the bruises from the IV needles littered all over Ciel's bony hands and arms. Grabbing a pitcher from a tray stabs; the doctor poured him some ice water and carefully placed the cup on his patient's chapped lips.

"Here, take small sips. Easy there, your lymph nodes are still swollen so swallowing is going to be uncomfortable." He cautioned. Ciel gulped and grimaced at the sharp needle like pain.

"When c-can I leave?" He asked quietly.

"When your infections have cleared and you can sit up without assistance." Spears noted Ciel's disappointed face. "A splenectomy is not what I would consider a hindering surgery; however, your body has a slower recuperation period-"

"I need to talk to Sebastian." Ciel interrupted. Spears stared at him, dumbfounded at how confidently the young man had spoken.

"Even with all of this, your life hanging in the balance, you're still thinking of him?" He asked, not believing what he was hearing.

"If I stop thinking about him, I might forget him." He justified calmly, his face resolute in his decision.

Spears hummed in displeasure. "Why don't we try to concentrate on getting past one crisis at a time?" He advised gently

"I d-don't have much t-time . . ." Ciel argued, voice fading out as it became thick with emotion.

"Stop that!" The doctor practically yelled; irritation burning within his heart. "I won't listen to this! Where did you get this idea that you've lost this battle?"

Ciel glared at his physician. "I-I'm not getting b-better, Doc, every day I-I feel wors-"

"Ciel, please, don't give up!" Spears pleaded, wanting to dispel the negative thoughts as quickly as possible.

"He ha-hasn't called me. Not once h-he hasn't c-called me!" He whimpered, tears welling up and trailing tiny rivulets down his ashen face. "Not once!"

Dr. Spears tried calming his patient, "This isn't a good time to think abou-"

"Did you s-see his face? Did you see h-how hurt he was?" Ciel argued, his frail body trembling from emotional stress as he began to cry softly. "I just want to t-talk to him!"

"It's all my fault!" Spears suddenly blurted out. "Everything, it's all my fault. Ciel, forgive me, the mess at the gala, that should have never happened! My cousin told me to make one last attempt at making you mine and had I known what that worthless bastard was planning I would never have gone to your bedroom with you." He grit his teeth, hating himself for how pathetic his admission sounded "Bringing Sebastian into your room, Christ! I would have never agreed to it had I known!"

Ciel cried harder, "B-but even before that, h-he never called!" he wailed "He said he still loves me...but now he probably h-hates me!"

Sucking in a deep breath, Spears let go of his ugly truth. "The night you came to my home after he left you, you were so distraught and suffering, you were so wounded . . . I feared for your health. God knows what I was thinking . . . I took your cell and blocked all of his calls and texts."

Silence descended upon the room, an eerie noiseless gloom hung over the pair like a suffocating blanket. Feebly wiping his tears with a limp hand, Ciel turned his head and watched his IV bag drip clear fluids, one drop at a time into a thin tube attached to his arm by a minuscule needle.

"Ciel, I'm sorry." Spears whispered out, hanging his head in shame.

Ciel sniffed, pressing his lips in deep thought.

"It took a lot for you to admit that, didn't it?" he continued watching the dripping liquid "I would have never known if you hadn't told me"

Spears drew in a shaky breath "I suppose" he relented.

The soft tapping of wet snow falling against the hospital window tore Ciel's attention away for a second "I should be furious with you."

A numb wave ripped through the doctors body as fear seized him. He knew there would be no romantic relationship between them; but had he also lost the young man's friendship?

"But it's ok." Ciel slowly turned his head to look at his doctor. "I forgive you."

Spear's head shot up, he was struck dumb with disbelief "You do?"

"I understand." Ciel empathized quietly.

"How?" Sears sputtered, green eyes wide with shock. "How are you so calm, why?"

Ciel shifted to his side, the pressure on his back from lying down for hours was beginning to hurt. He was tired of being immobile for days, tired of feeling drained and in pain; he was just plain weary of everything.

"I don't know how much time I have left to hold a grudge." He ventured, biting his lower lip and closing his eyes. "But I do know that everything you've done has been for my sake and for my love, so I can't force myself to be angry at you, I just can't." Ciel offered, a small reassuring smile given to his doctor.

There were no more apologies to make and no more to accept because what had to be said was spoken. What had to be done was done and the lessons about love and forgiveness had come full circle for both men as they locked eyes, a wordless understanding that it was time to move on. The song of despair rang soundlessly, punctuated by the echo of the heart and blood pressure monitors murmuring rhythmic beeps in the background.

"Ciel, I will make this right." Spears whispered, his voice catching as he watched blue eyes droop with the onset of sleep. "I promise."

* * *

Sebastian lazily sprawled his long lean body over the couch, looking more like a large exotic cat than a grown man. It was a chilly weekend afternoon, and he had no activities planned for the day except for lounging around the flat and watching TV. Grabbing the remote, he absentmindedly flipped through the channels, not really watching anything. Lilith and Mina were in the kitchen gossiping up a storm; apparently a new neighbor had moved in downstairs with a boyfriend and baby in tow.

"She looks like a Tinker." Lilith growled, rinsing a strainer full of celery, carrots, and onions. "She's got a shifty look, hand me the thyme sprigs, and I don't trust her."

Mina huffed. "I don't mind her!" She stood at the counter cutting cubes of feather blade beef and placing them in a large casserole pan. "It's that dodgy bloke she's got living with her." Clicking her tongue, "and I don't trust the baby either!" Cackling laughter rose from the kitchen, bringing a frown from Sebastian who raised the volume on the program he was watching.

"Chinwaggers." He grunted, propping his head against his hand and yawning.

Claude could hear the BBC news droll away and the merry laughter and banter of the women in the kitchen from where he sat in the small bedroom he had shared with Sebastian for over a decade. The dark blue walls felt claustrophobic at that moment as he looked down at his cell. He'd just gotten off an hour long call with His little blonde treasure, desperately trying to calm his little love down from the fact that Ciel was in the hospital.

Alois had been sworn to secrecy when he found out that his friend had been hospitalized, but it was slow torture keeping it a secret from his boyfriend who he also desperately missed. It was understood that Sebastian was family and that if he was going to London, so was Claude, but it did not lessen the hurt of spending their first Christmas together thousands of miles apart.

'I miss you!' Alois admitted over the phone, his voice thick with sadness. 'Please tell me you'll be back before New Year's!'

'I'm afraid not, my little imp.' Claude sighed, sitting up on his bed. 'And I miss you terribly as well.'

Alois fiddled with his hair, tugging his soft blonde strands as he wrestled with his conflicted emotions. Finally he decided that their world had had enough of secrets and lies. 'I'm not supposed to tell you this.' He stated slowly. 'But Ciel passed out after you guys left the gala. He was taken to the hospital and had emergency surgery.' Claude felt a sickening jolt of bile threatening to rush up and empty itself all over the floor at the information.

'What the hell are you talking about?!' He commanded.

'Ciel had to have his spleen removed because it was super infected.' Alois gripped his phone tightly. 'He's still in the hospital . . . Claude; he's not doing too well.' He whispered, lower lip trembling in fear. The sounds that followed were broken sobs and gasps of terror as Alois cried for his best friend's life.

"Hey, Sebastian. You busy?" Claude inquired calmly as he entered the living area.

"Quite" Sebastian mumbled, taking a sip of his beer, suddenly interested in another news program. A frown settled on Claude's face, pocketing the cell, he walked hurriedly towards Sebastian, snatching the remote from his hand and clicking the TV off.

"Oi! Why'd you shut the telly?" Sebastian sat up, annoyance twisting his handsome face "I was watching that!"

"We need to talk." Claude began, taking a seat next to Sebastian. "I had a chat with Alois just now and-"

"Piss off." Sebastian growled. "I'm not interested."

"Well, you should be." He informed, earning an annoyed glare. "It's about Ciel."

"I told you, I'm not interested." Sebastian reiterated, moving to the edge of the couch to get up. Red eyes flew wide with shock as Claude's long finger wrapped around his wrist, holding him in place. "Let go of me." He ordered.

"No." His friend said simply. "You need to sit and listen to this. I know you're not on speaking terms with Ciel at the moment, but-"

"Over." He hissed, jerking his wrist out from Claude's grip. "It's completely over, for now and for the rest of my Goddamn life!" He yelled.

The lively chatter and clanking pots ceased immediately as two black haired heads peeped out from behind the kitchen door. "Lads?" Lilith ventured into the living room wiping her hands with a dish towel. "Who's starting up a row?"

Sebastian stood from the couch, his eyes refusing to meet her stern glare. "It's nothing mum, just a misunderstanding."

"Misunderstanding, my bleeding arse." Claude spat, standing up to glare at Sebastian. "You just don't want to see the truth, that's what it is." Jabbing a finger roughly into his friend's chest and causing him to stagger back in surprise.

"Enough of that, Claude." Lilith ordered, eying the two men and putting them in their place. "Now what's this all about? Sebastian?" Her son averting his eyes at the sound of his name, cursing his friend under his breath.

"Nothing, but your son here acting like a pouty git cause he got his feelings hurt for once in his life." Claude elaborated, rolling his golden eyes. "He's so caught up in his wounded pride that he can't bring himself to care about another's welfare." Sebastian shot him a murderous look; red burning into gold as the two continued to glare at each other.

"That's a fucking lie!" He yelled.

"Mum, can you believe the language on that one?" Mina chimed in, folding her arms.

"Mina, go finish up in the kitchen and mind yourself!" Lilith ordered, finally she shook her head and sighed. "Now, I raised ye better than that, Sebastian." She admonished, wagging a reprimanding finger in the air. "You can't be so selfish as to not see other people's misfortunes because of your own." Glancing at Claude, "Who is Sebastian being unpleasant towards?"

"When the bloody hell did this become everyone's business?" Sebastian snapped, locking eyes with Claude, barely concealing his fury towards his best friend. "I don't want to speak about this anymore!"

"It became everybody's business when you started being an insufferable wanker!" Claude shouted, fists clenching at his sides. "You want to forget, like your relationship meant nothing to you; that you weren't as happy as you thought you were." Sebastian snarled at the accusation, his muscles tensing up to fight back.

"Lower your voices!" Lilith reproached, suddenly conscience of her daughter looking over her shoulder, wide eyed and curious.

"I'm not leaving until this is done." Mina stated.

Claude ignored his adopted sister and mother and continued his rant. "What's the matter, Sebastian? You ran scared because things got tough? Because your little darling wasn't as perfect as you made him out to be in your mind?" He snapped, watching the crimson eyes grow dark with anger "Didn't he deserve more than what you gave him? Didn't you make promises? I told you, no, I begged you to leave him alone if this was going to be just another game but bloody hell you told me this was different!"

"You don't know anything." Sebastian seethed, teeth gritted with intense fury. "He kept everything from me. Everyone knew, but even then I tried to make things straight between us!" Claude let out a bitter laugh, the action only angering his friend all the more.

"Yes, by acting crazier than a shit house loon!." He yelled "Perhaps he had good reasons not to speak to you considering how things were going." Claude huffed, voice thick with emotion.

"He's shagging his doctor!" Sebastian bit back, his body trembled with rage "What else do you expect me to do?!"

"You must be fucking kidding me!" Claude scoffed "Do you honestly believe that?"

"Who are you talking about, Claude?" Mina asked quietly, her dark eyes cautious as she still stood behind her mother.

"Ciel." Claude answered, glancing first at her and then at Sebastian. "He's in the hospital." His friend's face paled at the news. "And he's dying."

"Wha-what?" It felt as if the air has been completely sucked out from his body. "Who said . . . but I saw him with . . ." Sebastian clenched his jaw, a surge of grief crashed into him. "I still love him." He admitted, voice shaking with grief. "But What does it matter? Everyone leaves in the end!" He shouted, whirling around and stomping into his bedroom, violently slamming the door shut.

The living room became a graveyard of silence, tension crackling like electricity in the air. Mina looked at Claude, her heart thudded dully. "You know he took it worse than any of us." She said hoarsely, nervously wiping her hands against her jeans. "After pop died...you know Bass took it harder than anyone else."

Lilith closed her eyes, rubbing her forehead with her fingertips. "I feel for Sebastian, but I feel more for the poor bloke who was caught up in his path." She turned to Claude. "What's the story with this Ciel chap?" Before Claude could answer a loud knock resonated throughout the flat.

"Who could be knocking us up, mum?" Mina grumbled. "Better not be that Tinker looking for more sugar!" She shouted heading towards the foyer.

Flinging the door open, Mina was taken aback by the sight before her; a moderately tall and sharply dressed man. It was clear he was old enough to be her father, yet she blushed at the handsome face and dazzling smile. "Uh, m-may I help you?" she squeaked.

"Good afternoon," his rich and yet tender voice ran smoothly through the air as he extended his hand out in greeting "Is this the Michaelis residence?"

Mina shook his hand, marveling at the warmth of the firm grip. "Yes, it is." she smiled sweetly, her eyes scanning his debonair appearance with great approval "And your name, sir?"

"Vincent, Vincent Phantomhive." he returned her smile "I'm looking for Sebastian."


	34. Chapter 34

_**Greetings!** _

_**I've decided to create a Q &A for the readers since I've been receiving loads of questions concerning the story and myself. If you have the urge. PM me or ask the question in your review and I will post answers in chapter 35's Author's Notes, k? NO PLOT SPOILERS! Lol** _

**_Again thanks for the reviews, the faves, the follows and the support!_ **

**_And please check out AnimeCujo' s New Fic, REVELATIONS! Show my girl some love, it's seriously amazing!_ **

_**BTW I seriously don't mind constructive criticism but don't be an asshole and write a nasty rude review under someone else's profile, that's such a DICK MOVE! Not to mention cowardly. But what makes it worse is signing on as a guest and bitching and moaning about the same stuff. My story is 34+ chapters, if it sucks then stop reading you scared as shit illiterate fuck face TROLL.** _

* * *

_London, England_

_18 years earlier._

The far off sounds of twittering birds and rustling leaves filled Mykhal Michaelis's ears, lulling him into a dreamless sleep as he stretched his tall lean frame among cool blades of grass under the lightly shaded spot of a gnarly looking Judas tree. He winced at the ache in his back from lying still for God knows how long.

It was a cool autumn day and the sky was streaked orange red with a tinge of dark blue as the day began its descent into night. A dog barked fiercely from across the silent neighborhood street while the amber glow of lamps aligning the obscure cobblestone path began to flicker on. The smell of damp moss and dark earth filled his nostrils with longing as he attempted to steady his breathing.

In and out, he reminded himself, in and out.

"Is it over, Pop?" Mykhal's eyes popped open; they were light blue, the color of a summer sky. Craning his neck up from his position on the ground, he met with a pair of dark ruby eyes overcome with worry and fear. Propping himself up on an elbow, he sighed; taking in the little boy crouched on his knees next to him. The youth's black hair was a tousled mess and his school uniform was unkempt. They seemed to be the only ones left in the town's park.

"I was supposed to have had you home hours ago, eh?" Myhkal mumbled, rubbing his eyes to ward off the bleariness. "Oi, Bass, your mum is going to kill me."

"No, she won't!" He cried, grabbing a hold of his father's arm. "I'll tell her the truth! That you had an episode! She'll understand!" His face grew hopeful as his father sat up fully and looked around at their surroundings.

"At least we're not far from home." The man gathered, checking his watch. "But we still have a little time before supper to get our wits collected." Sebastian nodded, pressing his face against his father's chest. He could hear the steady heartbeat, still a little too fast for his taste, but at least the breathing wasn't as frantic as it was before.

At 7 years old he could already identify the onset of a panic attack, having been in the presence of his father succumbing to the debilitating episodes numerous times. First came the shakes, then the rapid panting of breath, then finally the blackouts in which Sebastian would guard his father like an obedient dog until he regained consciousness.

"Pop, tell me again about the ravens." Sebastian whispered, pulling his father closer to him. "Tell me about the Tower of London again, please?"

"Aren't you tired of that old story, Bass?" Myhkal chuckled, ruffling his little boy's hair.

"But I like that story, Pop!" He chirped.

"Oi, stop badgering me, cheeky scamp!" He teased. "Come 'ere and sit on your pop's lap!" Placing both hands under Sebastian arms, he hoisted the tiny child onto his lap and hugged him tightly. A whiff of lavender and tea emanated from the child. "Where shall we start?" He inquired lovingly petting the boy on his head.

"Tell how the ravens have to stay there!" Sebastian ordered in a small voice.

"Yea, yes, the ravens," Gliding his hand through his shoulder length blonde hair, Mykhal recalled the legendary story in a booming voice. "They are made to live in the Tower of London, six large and beautiful midnight black ravens with clipped wings-"

"So they can't fly!" The little one interrupted excitedly, easing his twig-like arms into the air as if he were himself taking flight.

"Right you are, lad!" Laughing merrily, Mykhal felt his heart returning to a normal rhythm as his child's warmth calmed his frayed nerves. "So they can never leave because what should happen if they all should leave?"

An austere expression suddenly passed over the tiny porcelain face. "The kingdom and all of Britain will fall!" He answered with a voice full of gloom, scrunching his nose cutely.

"Right you are again!" Mykhal held Sebastian closer and pressed his lips against the soft head of hair. "But that's all just a fairy's tale, Bass. You do know that, yeah?"

"I know, I know." He grumbled, pulling out a tuft of grass from the ground and flinging it up in the air. He watched as the torn blades were carried off by a mild breeze. "Am I still your little raven, Pop? Me and Mina too?" He asked hopefully, eyes never leaving the floating bits of grass.

"You're both my little blackbirds and I'm your nest." Mykhal cupped Sebastian's face and turned it towards his own. A pair of dark stars gazing at a summer sky of blue. "Whenever you feel alone, when the world turns its back to you, when all else fails; I'm your nest and all you need to do is come flying back to me."

"I'm never leaving you or mum or Mina! I'm never leaving!" The little boy cried, flinging his arms around the one man he loved first and foremost in the world; his father.

With his strange musings, dark moods and moments of panic he was the light of his life, this was the man who sang boldly in the morning, picking up his children in each arm and dancing around their flat laughing and singing like a madman. This was the soldier who battled the evil monsters under the beds, would bring Claude to their home when the fighting was too much for that boy to bear and still had enough time to take Sebastian to a Feis (Irish festivals) and watch the Irish dancers make magic with their lightning speed footwork. This was his father, his pop, his nest, his Tower, his everything. Sebastian prayed to always stay by the impressively tall man's side because in the strange workings of a young child's mind, his father's downfall would come if he ever left him.

Mykhal stood up, brushing bits of dirt and leaves from his simple slacks and twill jacket; he could hear the distant chimes of the local church reminding him of the late hour. A dull throb of fear rose in his heart as he was sure Lilith was beside herself with worry. How many times had he done this already? Promising to bring their son home from school only to return home hours later, disheveled and disoriented? If he was a drinker, at least there were ways to deal with the addiction. If he were unfaithful, Lilith could have murdered him dead on the spot.

But there were no words, no labels, no reasoning for his bouts of depression, no explanation for the surge of impending doom that would send him into an anxiety ridden fit. Many times Mykhal would just sit in the darkness of his room and contemplate a final solution. Shaking his head of his gloomy thoughts, he gently took his son's delicate hand and looked upwards at the deep indigo sky peppered with sparkling dots of stars.

"In the end." He spoke softly, his words mingling with the dusky air. "Everyone leaves."

_Present Day_

Standing at the door to the flat she shared with her mother, Mina's eyes grew wide as saucers as she recognized the well-known name and face before her. "Vincent Phantomhive?" She gasped. "W-wait, as in Funtom Toys Vincent Phantomhive?" Gripping the knob on the door she steadied herself. "Please! Come right in!"

Vincent bowed slightly and entered the flat. "My apologies for dropping by unannounced." He unbuttoned his gray wool coat and unwound his scarf. "Excuse my rudeness for not asking before, but you are . . .?"

"Mina Michaelis." She blushed, noting the obviously expensive dark navy suit and silk tie. "A pleasure." Taking his outerwear from his arms she gave him a friendly wink. "I'm Sebastian's younger sister, the better looking sibling. Let me hang this up in the coat closet."

"What the bloody hell are you doing here?" An indignant voice boomed.

Mina stopped halfway in hanging up Vincent's cost, her mouth dropped open in shock as Claude stood at the threshold between the living room and foyer with arms folded across his chest, bristling with anger. "Claude." She said slowly. "Do you know who this man is?"

Vincent cleared his throat. "We have a short histor-"

"This is Ciel's father." Claude cut in. "And he's leaving so hand him back his coat of you don't mind."

"I'm not leaving." Vincent lifted his chin and glared. "Until I speak to Sebastian."

"Whatever the fuck for?" He barked. "Take your shit and leave our home!"

"Enough!" Claude was suddenly shoved to the side by an irate Lilith, a large metal spoon in one hand and a balled up fist in the other. Her eyes seemed to glow a dangerous fire red. "What business do you have with my boy?" She hissed, taking a step towards Vincent.

"Good afternoon, Mrs. Michaelis." He smiled tightly. "Excuse the intrusion bu-"

"Piss off!" She growled. "Get out, now!"

"I gather you love your children, Mrs. Michaelis." He replied calmly.

"Are you daft? Of course I do!" She huffed. "I love them enough to beat an intruder half to death with a metal spoon." Holding up the utensil, she waved it menacingly towards him. "Now, what bloody business do you have with my son?"

"I too, love my son." Vincent continued unfazed, his hands in his pocket. "And my reasoning to travel here, to speak to Sebastian, is purely selfish on my part. My boy, Ciel, is dying from cancer, did you know that?" He glanced at Claude who in turn looked away from the cold gaze.

"Ciel . . . has cancer?" Mina whispered. "Is that what Bass was talking about, Claude? About being the last to know?"

Claude gritted his teeth, shaking his head he sighed loudly. "Yes, Sebastian was deeply hurt. In all fairness he fell in love with Ciel before the lad came clean about his illness."

"Stuff and nonsense." Lilith retorted, lowering the spoon. "These are private matters between the two lads, what's this? An open forum?" She narrowed her eyes at the older gentleman. "What do you hope to gain here? Did you think you could waltz your dandy ass into my home and harm my son out of vengeance?"

Mina grabbed the coat off the hanger and shoved it into Vincent's arms. "Get out!" She spat, furrowing her brows. "You've no right to hurt my brother, now get out!"

Vincent sucked in a deep breath and frowned at the trio. "What if I told you that everything you're thinking right now is wrong?" The small flat was still except for the sounds of raspy breathing from a clearly flustered Lilith. Claude studied her with worry as her labored breathing cut through the air.

"Mummy?" Mina whimpered, dropping Vincent's coat on the floor. Her lips trembled. "Are you alright?"

Lilith shot her children a reproachful look to silence their fears and settled her garnet eyes on Vincent. "I'm not keen as to what you're blathering about, but let me fill you in on something you obviously don't know." Lilith took a deep ragged breath and continued. "My husband, their father, killed himself 15 years ago." She spoke lowly, steady and straightforward with a stoic expression revealing nothing. "I'm not giving Bass the right to go on and hurt your son, but the root of that cannot be overlooked. That young man loved his father, idolized him and was his shadow everywhere he went. Mina was only five and she suffered from the loss, but Bass . . ." Suddenly her eyes became bright with tears, the mask of indifference beginning to crumble. "Bass was a lad of 10 and he nearly lost his mind with grief . . ."

"Mum, don't." Mina pleaded quietly, her fingers twisting in her shirt as she witnessed her iron willed mother break down. "He doesn't need to hear this!"

"No, Mina, he needs to know." She responded sternly, pointing to Vincent. "This man needs to know that it was Bass who found his father dead in our car with a bullet in his hea-"

"Mum!" Claude grabbed Lilith's arm in an attempt to pull her away from the foyer.

"It was Bass who held his dead father until the medics came." Lilith was crying by then, shaking in Claude's arms. "Is it any wonder he couldn't face your son with his secrets? Do you now understand why he left someone who may not live to spend the rest of his life with him?"

Vincent felt the darkness of the Michaelis family's morbid secrets swallow his entire being as the past hauntings of grief became clear to him. Sebastian had not only lost his father in a devastatingly brutal way, he had also seen his father in his final seconds and could do nothing to save him. But what could a child of ten have done?

Claude drew the slight woman into his arms and felt her body tremble; wracked with mournful cries. This diminutive woman with the heart of a warrior, soldiering through life's endless battles and obstacles, had never turned her back on her children, had never turned her back on him. He tightened his grip around the shaking woman, pressing a kiss on the crown of her head.

"It's all right, mum." He soothed, rocking her gently side to side. "He's leaving now, right?" Amber eyes glared at Vincent.

"What the fuck is going on here?" Four pairs of eyes widened simultaneously at the sight of Sebastian standing at the open doorway of the bedroom he shared with Claude.

"Sebastian." Vincent spoke up quickly. "I've come a long way, left Ciel in the hospital, to have a word with you. Please don't deny me."

Sebastian scratched the back of his neck, lips pressed in a thin line as he assessed the situation before him. Mina was pale and jittery while Claude held his beloved mother in a protective embrace. He eyed Lilith's dewy red rimmed eyes and troubled expression. "Did you upset my mum?" He growled in a voice filled with knives and the promise of spilled blood.

"I'm fine, Bass." Lilith nodded her head. "We were just having a mild quarrel, but it's nothing."

Claude placed his arm gently around Lilith's waist, tugging her carefully towards the kitchen. "I'll help with dinner, mum." He offered.

"I-I've got to cut the potatoes!" Mina blurted out, rushing into the kitchen. Sebastian reached out and caught his sister's arm, pulling her waif like frame towards him.

"Are you alright, Minnie?" He asked softly, he hadn't called her by the pet name in years and a warm hue of pink settled on her cheeks. She stood on the tips of her toes and looped her arms around her brother's neck, giving him an affectionate squeeze.

"I'm ok; you just remember how much we love you." She whispered in his ear. Sighing deeply, Sebastian watched his little sister walk into the kitchen.

Gesturing Vincent to follow him, Sebastian headed back into his modestly furnished bedroom. There were two twin sized beds covered in cream and navy sheets and pillows, several shelves housed numerous trophies for dance competitions as well as for soccer. It was a dimly lit room, windowless and lonely. Once inside, Sebastian motioned for Vincent to take a desk chair and sit, but he declined, opting instead to stand and stare at the young man before him.

"This isn't how I expected to first meet you." Sebastian admitted sheepishly leaning against the wall opposite from Vincent.

"I feel the same way." He replied. "So, now here we are and I wonder how my son ever thought you were worth his time and energies." A scowl rested on his handsome face. "To allow something so beneath his status and lineage, I suppose you were a mercy cas-"

"I've changed my mind." Sebastian stated loudly, crossing his arms. "I suggest you get the fuck out of my home."

"I would mind how you speak to me, young man." Vincent replied, his voice cold and even. "You are in no position to approach me with that insolent tone."

"I am not a child, so mind how you speak to me." He fired back.

A sour look of contempt crossed Vincent's face. "You fool." He snarled. "I have the financial means to destroy you, Michaelis. I possess an inexorable amount of power and influence within and beyond New York City, you cannot fathom the depth and reach of my control over the properties and business establishments I myself have financed and created." Stepping towards the dancer, Vincent made a waving motion of his hand, his eyes never leaving Sebastian's glare. "The building your company resides in, I own it. The building you rent your apartment from, I own it. The National Dance Company Competition, two of my board directors oversee the approval process for sponsoring dancers like yourself."

"With one phone call, two emails, three meetings, I can end you." He smiled. "Just, Like, That." The last few words were punctuated by a snap of his fingers. Sebastian winced, his chest had suddenly tightened as dread began to sweep through his body.

"Why?" He asked, anger evident in his tone.

"Why you ask?" Vincent scoffed, his movements were bold as he walked closer to Sebastian. It was obvious he did not fear the man. "Because I can." He said arrogantly, lifting his chin and eying the tall man with a sneer. "Because you gave my son false hope and lies. You stole his innocence without thinking about the consequences. Because you are a heartless, careless bastard who deserves to feel what Ciel is feeling right now." A chuckle full of steely malice escaped his lips.

"If I so choose to, I can devour your entire life, empty your assets, destroy your business and run you out of my country, and even then where would you run? Back to your roots? Here? Back in London?" Cocking an eyebrow, he laughed humorously. "I am boundless, Sebastian. Numerous persons owe me favors, powerful people, my dear boy, my influence is endless. I would have no regret decimating your life, altering it forever, stealing your dreams, crushing your heart and soul." Crossing his arms, his dark blue eyes flashed dangerously. "You would be a meaningless memory."

Gritting his teeth, Sebastian seethed. "Who the hell do you think you are? I have the right to my own decisions, regardless of whether or not you know or understand the reasons behind them! This company is my blood sweat and tears! Everything I've ever wanted to accomplish is here! What goddamn right do you have pilfering my life?"

"What right did you have to pilfer my son?" Vincent bellowed, pointing an accusatory finger. "What right did you have to pillage his heart, his soul, his hope? You guiltless monster!" Sebastian looked away, the air in the room was electrified by rage and hurt. "You are a cancer, you malignant demon." He ranted on. "You used his own heart against him and when the situation became too complicated, you abandoned him!"

"You left him for dead." Vincent shouted, his voice echoing loudly in the room surrounding both men in an aura of fury. It wrapped itself like a snake around Sebastian, constricting his airflow, panic anxiety threatening to suffocate his rationality. This was not right, he thought frantically gathering his courage as he leveled his breathing.

He finally whipped his head back to face Vincent. "I never meant . . . never wanted to . . . hurt him." He stammered, desperately searching for the right words. He had never felt so intimidated by a single person in his life, but Vincent raked his very soul with every word, every action he took. "I tried to make it right, I wanted to make it righ . . ." He grimaced at the weakly given explanation. "This wasn't how things were supposed to be!"

"Sebastian," Vincent sighed, shaking his head. "I am now your cancer and now you know a fraction of the fear and anguish my only son has had to live with for the past 10 years, and maybe more, God only knows." Sebastian's stomach turned, the immensity of Ciel's father's anger and power was frightening.

"Mr. Phantomhive, my life wouldn't be the only one affected." He looked Vincent straight in the eyes. "The lives of my dancers, my business partner, many families and their dreams and sacrifices, my investors would also be in shambles."

"I used to have a strong marriage, Sebastian, and now my wife can barely look at me without a hint of reservation." The sudden admission struck the dancer mute, he did not expect such a personal statement from the powerful CEO. "I started taking Paxil five years ago because I was close to a nervous breakdown over losing my son. To add to that, Ciel couldn't talk to me for years because I had lost his trust, its only now that we have a semblance of a normal relationship. Even Lizzie, who had her pick of numerous prestigious Ivy League universities across the country and around the world, chose to remain close to Ciel. She would have been on shaky ground with her parents if she refused to go on this new internship, they think she's throwing her future away." The creaking sound of Vincent's shoes reverberated off the old wood floors, each slick of his sharp heel sounded like a leaden gavel, for every judgment passed the deep thunderous din hammered against Sebastian's heart.

"No man is an island unto himself, when Ciel almost died, we all almost died." Vincent's eyes darkened with the recollection of past horrors; a haunted look had descended upon his face. "And when he does die, so will this entire family."

"So you've gone and buried him already." Sebastian spoke coldly. "Have you picked out his casket as well?"

"Save your bullshit, Michaelis!" Vincent shouted, fists clenched at his sides. "You've already killed a part of him, the cancer will do the rest! The reality is that he's not getting better and you didn't help the process at all!"

"He told me I made him feel alive!" He bit back.

"That was before you knew he had cancer!" Vincent stepped back, he could feel his blood pressure steadily rising as he took calming breaths. "You never really loved him!"

"You don't get to tell me what I feel!" Sebastian yelled, his body was trembling with rage, infuriated with the dismissal of his feelings "I made a mistake! I fucked up! Yes, people do fuck up and then sometimes, some-bloody-times people actually get a second chance! Just like you, Mr. Phantomhive, sir, you've got your second chance!" Sebastian halted, catching a deep breath, "but when I tried to amend this situation, it was already too late!"

The older male frowned. "What the hell are you talking about?"

An ache welled up within Sebastian's throat, why was this so difficult? He had already wrestled with his feelings, seemingly accepting his loss and attempting to move on with his life. But here, with Vincent standing so ominously before him, the haunted past came rushing back and every heartache was evident once again. He never stopped loving Ciel.

"I tried to go back, to apologize, to make things right." Sebastian's voice trembled, swallowing thickly he continued. "But I was too late. His interests were already lying elsewhere."

"Interests?" Vincent repeated. "Explain yourself." He ordered lowly.

"I can't . . .!" Sebastian choked out before he lowered his head and wept.

Vincent stood aghast at the sight before him. Here was a man built like a Romanesque statue, strength and grace permeated from his very form. How was it that this apex of the ideal man was now weeping, shoulders hunched and shaking, voice defeated and mute? A shell of a human being, broken and alone.

"Go ahead, fucking take it all!" He sputtered, his eyes tightly shut, head bowed in grief. "What good is any of this if I've already lost him?" Sebastian laced his fingers through his hair and let out a shaky breath, his eyes slowly opened and glanced at Vincent. "At this point I could only hope for his forgiveness and pray that he gets better. I'm human, I made a mistake, but I'm sorry and I swear if Ciel finds comfort by feeling vindication through the loss of my business then fine! Take it all!"

"Sebastian, you have my word, I will do nothing to you nor your business. I ask you only this." Vincent quietly informed. "Do not have a change of heart, stay away from Ciel, and allow his last months to be as devoid of stress as possible."

"No." He breathed.

Vincent blinked. "Excuse me?"

"You are not my master nor I your servant. You may place me in ruins, strip me of everything I've worked so hard for and leave me in shambles, but you will never tell me what to feel, especially when it comes to Ciel." He retorted furiously.

"Sebastian." Vincent began quietly. The heavy weight of regret marked seemed to overwhelm Sebastian as his knees buckled and gave out causing him to sit on the edge of his bed with his face buried in the palm of his hands.

"I love him, I love your son, and much like you, I cannot will myself to accept his death, but I never knew what it truly meant to be alone until I walked away from him. I've suffered a tremendous loss in my youth, one I could never speak of again, and the thought of losing the one person I had fallen in love with, was unfathomable. So I ran . . .much like you, Mr. Phantomhive, I ran. And losing Ciel to someone else, to know that he is cared for by another man, empties me. It cuts deep to the very core of me because I should be that man. My rightful place is by Ciel's side, whether it be standing on the corner of Bleecker street or by his hospital bed." Sebastian lifted his head from his hands and gave Ciel's father a remorseful look.

"I am nothing, nothing, but a worthless dog without your son. But regardless of my own pathetic state, why would I add more to his suffering if he has found love with some other bloke far better than me? I love him enough to accept this loss." He stated with more confidence than he actually felt.

"Another bloke?" Vincent rubbed his chin in contemplation. "Who are you talking about?"

"The good doctor, Mr. Phantomhive." He sobbed into his hands.

A smile played at the corner of Vincent's mouth. "There is no one else, Sebastian." He chuckled.

Sebastian's head jolted upwards, tears staining his smooth face. "Come again?" He demanded loudly.

"Do you truly love my son, Sebastian?" Vincent inquired.

"Wha-what? I-I Wait! What the bloody hell did you just say?!" He was standing now, confused and stupefied all at once. This couldn't be true, he thought frantically.

"I asked if you stil-" He repeated

"No you stupid git!" Sebastian yelled. "You just said there's no other! Are you serious? Is this true?!"

Vincent frowned. "What did you just call me?"

"Answer my bloody question!" He demanded.

"There was never anything between Dr. Spears and Ciel!" Vincent exclaimed. "Spears told me himself, it was all a huge and out of control misunderstanding that hopefully Ciel himself can explain to you once you get back!" Hurriedly reaching into his suit jacket, he took out several airline tickets, his tone was full of excitement. "Now I've booked our flight, first class, out of Heathrow, New Year's Eve mornin-"

"Stop!" Sebastian snatched the tickets out of the elder's hand and read them over quickly. This was not a joke, a sudden bolt of realization hit the tall man. "This," he breathed, waving the tickets at Vincent, "this was all to see if I still loved your son, right?"

"This was all to see if you still loved my son, for the right reasons." Vincent grinned widely. "There was no way I could allow you back into my only child's life without making sure your heart was in the right place."

"I-I do! It is! My heart, that is." He stammered. "I love Ciel more than my own life!" He clutched the precious tickets to his chest still unbelieving of the turn in events. "Does . . . does he still loves me?" He asked hesitantly.

"As only a young foolish man could." Vincent huffed, a look of exasperation marked his face. "I've never seen anything like it, it lacks all sensibility and borders on insanity!"

My beautiful boy, Sebastian thought, his heart swelling and aching all at once, my blue eyed prize is waiting for me.

"You're going back." Vincent clapped Sebastian smartly on his back, disrupting his rapturous thoughts. "My boy needs you!"

* * *

"No chemotherapy this week." Dr. Spears announced, sitting in Ciel's private hospital room. He placed the clipboard on his lap and rubbed his eye. "The anemia is not improving and we just can't chance destroying anymore of his red blood cells." He looked up at Rachel who stood by her sleeping son, her small hand tenderly placed against Ciel's damp forehead.

"He still feels so warm." She worried her bottom lip, gingerly stroking his gaunt face. "Why won't this fever go away?"

Spears stood up and walked over to the bedside, he had cleared his entire schedule to devote himself to Ciel's recovery from his surgery. Exhausted both emotionally and physically, it was difficult trying to filter the information so that it wouldn't sound too harsh to the young patient's mother.

"Infections are common with this disease because of the impact both the chemo and the leukemia itself has on his white blood cell count." He informed quietly. "But we're giving him a rather large dose of antibiotics, as well as morphine to ease the pain and allow him to rest."

"He's going to be fine." Rachel stated firmly. Suddenly gripping the doctor's arm, "I'm not ready to let him go, Spears." Her lips trembled as tired blue orbs pleaded with emerald green. A soft knock on the door caused both of them to turn their heads; a mop top of blonde hair and a pair of aqua blue eyes appearing through the frame.

"Evening people!" Alois announced, entering the room while brushing powdery snow off the shoulders of his winter jacket. "Sorry I'm late, but I was handing in the last of our senior project to the Undertaker." Rachel smiled widely as she opened her arms to receive a hug from the young student.

"Bless you, Alois! I cannot believe you were able to complete this project without Ciel!" She praised.

"Hold up, you got it wrong, Mrs. P!" Alois chuckled retrieving a medium sized Manila envelope from his messenger bag. "I may have developed most of the prints, but Ciel being the overachieving bastard that he is, had finished taking every photo before he got really sick!" Opening the envelope, he fished out several photos. "Look at these copies and witness the genius that is Ciel!"

The trio stood together in silence as each black and white print was examined. Rachel felt her heart beat faster as she witnessed the world through her son's eyes from the past two months. A poignant tale of the everyday New York City denizen brilliantly unfolded itself in from of her eyes. The doctor himself was moved as Alois turned over photo after photo.

The elderly Asian corner fruit stand owner handing a small child a peeled orange, the homeless man sleeping soundly on a bench in Bryant park while an NYPD officer watched over him, the lovely little girl in a pea coat and hat sitting alone in central park feeding pigeons, and finally, Sebastian.

Alois stopped flipping the photos and glanced up at Rachel. "The Undertaker liked this one the most." He smiled. "He said he never knew Ciel could capture love on film."

Spears looked away as Rachel gazed at the photo. It must have been taken at the dance studio, she could see large mirrors in the background and Sebastian was seated on the floor cross legged with a water bottle in his hand. Shirtless with only a pair of loose fitting black pants on, his upper body seemed to glisten with diamond like beads of sweat. He was looking directly into the camera, a slight smirk resting on his lips, eyes bright and intense, it was a look that spoke volumes about love.

Rachel could tell, she could see it etched clearly in that exact moment frozen eternally on printed matted paper. The emotions pouring forth like sweet water, it made her heart clench at the thought of Vincent's last minute trip to England being a possible failure. What if Sebastian didn't come back? She thought sadly. Will this break Ciel even further?

"It's getting late." Spears calm voice broke the silence as he checked his watch. "It would be best if you both went home and rested. I'll have more tissue and blood count results in the morning so you'll be hearing from me at some point before the afternoon."

Rachel nodded. "Yes, thank you, Dr. Spears. Lizzie is coming with me tomorrow to spend the day with Ciel."

"She's leaving soon, eh?" Alois inquired. "Like in less than a week, right?"

"The internship at Burberry in London?" Spears hummed. "What an accomplishment for someone so young."

"It's killing her to leave Ciel." Rachel said, shaking her head. "But he made her promise, insisted and threatened she go regardless of whatever condition he was in."

Alois laughed. "That sure as hell sounds like something he-"

A piercing siren ripped through the quiet still air of the hospital room. Rachel whirled around and blanched at the sight that met her eyes; Ciel's face was half covered in blood.

"Get out!" Spears commanded, shoving Rachel and Alois away from the bed as a flood of nurses charged into the room wheeling in several types of medical equipment including a defibrillator.

Alois scrambled to grab a hold of Rachel who had begun screaming out her son's name, her face was twisted in agony as she clawed at that young man's arms frantically trying to get back to her child's side as he dragged her away.

"Ciel!" She screamed, wrestling against Alois while he pinned her arms to her side. "Let me go! My baby! My baby! Oh God! He needs me!" She sobbed hysterically, her feet kicking and flailing.

"Stop it!" Alois yelled, hauling her out into the hallway. "You're not helping him like this!"

"But I didn't get to say goodbye!" She cried, crumpling into his arms. "I didn't . . . "

"He's not going to die" Alois hugged her tightly, stroking her head soothingly. "I know he's going to pull through. I know this, I swear I know he'll be ok."

The room erupted in a chaotic, but organized frenzy as nurses and several more doctors administered blood clotting agents and fluids into Ciel. He was bleeding profusely through his nose, large clots pooling and slipping down his still white face.

"His blood pressure is dropping!" Nurse Angela called, quickly inserting the IV needles as large bags of fluids were connected to the tubes. "Oxygen levels are also dropping, do we proceed with intubation?"

"I'll do it!" Spears barked out. "Endotracheal tube, stat!" With a steady hand, Spears inserted the tube carefully into Ciel's mouth and down his airway. Once he was sure the tube was secure, the end was connected to a ventilator in order to assist with breathing. Alarms continued to resonate high pitched and wailing, from Ciel's heart and oxygen monitors. The seasoned doctor knew well enough that if they didn't replace his patient's red blood cell count back to functioning close to normal then several very dangerous scenarios would play out:

_Liver, brain and kidney damage._

_Cardiac arrest._

_Death._

"Hang in there , Ciel!" He shouted at the paling youth. He turned to his staff. "We're moving him to the ICU!" He commanded. "Place him under critical condition status."


	35. Chapter 35

Greetingzzzzzz!

_**Thank you Lola for your kind and uplifting words!** _

_As promised here are some answers to questions readers had regarding SMTB and myself! Thanks for being so supportive and for the excellent reviews!_

**Are you a docile Uke at heart?**

Yes, yes I am.

**Are you British?**

Nope, I'm an American born Puerto Rican who speaks English, Spanish and is learning Japanese.

**Have you ever had, or currently have, cancer?**

No to both.

**Have you had experience in the medical field?**

None at all, I'm just an over achieving researcher lol

 **Have you ever lost a loved one to cancer**?

Yes, I lost my 42 year old aunt to cervical cancer when I was a teen, she was my second mom and I took it pretty hard. I also lost a friend to breast cancer. But I draw upon the sudden loss of my dad in order to write the more emotional scenes because the pain still remains fresh in my heart.

**Is Rose related to Ciel?**

No, Rose, little girl in the park, is not related to any of the characters in the story.

**Why does Sebastian refer to William as "The Good Doctor"?**

Sebastian refers to William as "The good doctor" purely out of sarcasm. He knows William is treating Ciel for his cancer but he can't help despising him at the same time.

**Will you be writing a fan fic with a WilliamxCiel pairing?**

I was surprised to find that there were many fans of the CielxWilliam pairing but at this point it's not going to happen. AnimeCujo was lovely enough to write a one shot side story of SMTB titked "Beautiful Boy" regarding a delicious moment between Ciel and William. However, I don't think I will be writing anymore fics pairing those two.

_Okay! A big shout out to AnimeCujo fir agreeing to being my seme oxox and please check out her new fic "Revelations" its awesome!_

_READ, ENJOY, REVIEW, FAVORITE, FOLLOW, THANK YOU!_

* * *

"If those two don't murder each other perhaps we can invite Mr. Phantomhive to stay for dinner." Mina sighed, arranging bits of beef and potatoes in a large casserole dish. "As much as I hate to admit it, he is quite good looking, more like handsome and rich looking, like a true proper gentleman."

"Oh I'm sure it's murdering your conscience to admit all that!" Claude sneered, flicking Mina in the nose with his fingers. "And stop drooling. Spit isn't an ingredient for Cumberland pie!"

"Shameless." Lilith muttered, scrubbing a pot in the sink. "The man is old enough to be your father."

"When did admiring a man's natural born looks become a bloody crime in this house?" The young girl exclaimed. "All I said was that the man is good looking! Jesus Christ!"

Lilith sighed and grumbled. "For all we know, he could be in there chopping your brother's-"

"Don't say it!" Cried Claude almost dropping a stack of plates. "I swear, mum, you've gotten worse over the years!"

Mina laughed loudly. "You've no idea with this old bird!"

"Who're you calling old?" Lilith scowled. "Quit nattering and put that damned pot in the oven!"

"Why am I the one getting the dirty looks when I haven't done anything wrong?!" Mina yelled, slamming the oven door closed.

"Oi! Leave my baby sister alone!" The trio turned around with a start; at the entrance of the kitchen stood Sebastian. "I need to see you all in the living room." He ordered sternly. "Let's go!"

A nervous wave swept through the small family as they exited the kitchen quietly. Vincent was sitting on the couch with one leg crossed comfortably over the other watching television, an amused look on his face.

"I must admit, although it's dry, British humor is quite humorous!" He chuckled, glancing up at the startled group. "When did your people become so funny?" Mina burst out laughing, hiding her relief behind her hands as Claude shared a sigh of relief with Lilith.

"Does this mean all's well?" Lilith asked, motioning to a smirking Sebastian. "You're not aiming to chop my son's d-?"

"Mum!" A chorus of protests immediately interrupted the matriarch's speech.

"On the contrary, I've come to take him back to see my son." Vincent informed, standing up, he walked towards Lilith, placing his hand gently on her shoulder. "Will the rest of you join us?"

"Come again?" Claude cut in, looking over at Sebastian. "What is he talking about?"

He smiled slyly at his friend. "Mr. Phantomhiv-"

"Please, Sebastian." Vincent interrupted. "Call me Vincent."

Sebastian blushed. "Ah, alright, Vincen-"

"Can he call you dad? Or pop?" Mina piped up, with a mischievous glint in her eyes.

"Belt up!" Sebastian growled. "As I was saying, Vincent has procured first class tickets for us all to leave for New York on New Year's Eve Morning!"

"Oh! Oh my God!" Cried Mina, jumping up and down excitedly. "New Year's Eve in New York City?! That's brilliant!" She grabbed her mother's hands. "Mummy, let's go! Let's do it!"

Claude stared at Sebastian. "You want to go back?" He asked seriously. "Are you sure you want to do this?" Truth be told, Claude ached to return to Alois, the thought of his blonde firecracker spending the holidays with his highly dysfunctional family without his support greatly bothered him. Although he was happy to see Lilith and Mina, he had found his own little shelter, his own world of comfort, within the embrace of a sparkling blue eyed mischief maker who loved him deeply.

Sebastian smiled. "I've never been more sure in my entire life."

Lilith cleared her throat, effectively silencing the room. The grave look on her face seemed to end all frivolous feelings as the group awaited her response. "Do you love Ciel?" She asked plainly. "Knowing his condition, are you prepared to stay by his side no matter what?"

Sebastian met his mother's stern gaze with one of his own. "I never make a mistake twice." He answered clearly. "There are things I can't change, bloody hell if I could I'd bring Pop back, but I can't. And I can't heal Ciel, but I'd be damned if he goes through this alone without me."

Lilith nodded her head. "Brilliant." Smiling broadly, she turned and headed back towards the kitchen. "Dinner will be ready in an hour, set the table!" Mina squealed, clapping her hands, she followed her mother into the kitchen.

"I'll need a cute new dress!" She cried "Can't go to the States with some old frock!"

"My God, a British version of Lizzie." Vincent blinked stupidly. "Am I to assume we are all agreed to be on a 6 am flight tomorrow morning?" He asked hesitantly.

"Thank you, sir." Claude clasped the older man's shoulder, "This is more than I had hoped for Sebastian and Ciel!"

A feast of crispy topped Cumberland pie was thoroughly enjoyed by everyone; Vincent was not short on compliments for the foreign fare he enjoyed. Sebastian seemed in better spirits yet a strange unease crept into him every time he noticed Vincent checking his cell phone.

As they cleared their dirty dishes Sebastian leaned over to the older male. "Is something wrong?" He whispered.

Vincent looked up quickly from his phone and furrowed his brows. "I don't want to jump to conclusions, but it is 11 pm in New York and Rachel had promised to call around ten when she was home from the hospital." He tightened his grip around the device. "There have been no messages, no calls, no texts." His face twisted in worry. "Something's wrong." He stated grimly.

Suddenly the phone began to vibrate causing both men to jump in their seats. Vincent hurriedly pressed the touch screen. "Hello?"

"Mr. P.!" The voice cried through the earpiece.

Vincent frowned. "Alois?" Why are you calling me from Rachel's phone?" Sebastian felt the world sway beneath his feet at the question.

"She-She really can't speak right now . . ." Alois's voice trembled as an audible gulp echoed through the phone line. "I'm sorry I didn't call sooner, it's been hell-"

"Where's my son?" Vincent roared into the phone, the sound of his chair violently crashing into the ground tore through the air as he stood like a lumbering giant with the phone pressed firmly against his ear. His face turned beet red, the look of rage and fear intermingling on his stricken face.

"Ciel, Ciel is in critical condition!" Alois sobbed, unable to control his emotions. "He bled out, they thought he was going into cardiac arrest so, so they put him in . . . a medical coma!"

"Vincent! What's wrong?!" Sebastian yelled, around him gathered Claude, Mina and Lilith, all on the verge of desperation. Vincent stared at the floor, numb and far away, the sound of his heart beating loudly in his ears drowning out everyone. This can't be it, he thought, this can't be it.

"Get back here now!" Alois choked out. "I'm not sure anymore, I'm not sure if he's going to make it!"

An hour later and after numerous phone calls, Vincent and Sebastian swept through the hanger of a private jet company located just outside of London. They had all agreed that the two men should head out immediately while the rest stuck with the original plan of leaving early the next morning. Sebastian felt it deep within his gut; they were running out of time.

"Good evening Mr. Phantomhive." A violet eyed young man in a pilot's uniform smiled warmly at Vincent and Sebastian as they silently boarded a small private jet. "My name is Captain Ash Landers and I will be your pilot on this trip."

"Thank you, young man." Vincent croaked. Although it was already dark out, he adjusted his sunglasses in an effort to hide his red and swollen eyes. "I appreciate your availability on such short notice."

Captain Landers smiled. "It is my pleasure. My sister, Angela, speaks very highly of your son and I in turn would do anything for her."

Sebastian gave both men an inquisitive look. "Your sister knows Ciel?" He asked.

Ash nodded. "She's the head nurse for the Oncology unit at Mt. Sinai." He pointed the pair toward their seats. "For the past two and a half months she's been helping to treat Ciel. Angela is a breast cancer survivor and apparently, Ciel looks to her as his inspiration."

"As soon as she realized that you were out of the country, she called me to clear up my schedule and fly you out ASAP." He continued. "I will get you back home in 6-7 hours so try to get some sleep. You're going to need your strength when you get back." He advised before returning to the cockpit.

"Sleep." Vincent snorted. "I can barely stand to breathe right now." He swallowed thickly, clicking his seatbelt.

Sebastian followed suit and sighed deeply. "I'm sorry." He spoke regretfully. "If you hadn't come for me-"

"No, no." Vincent reached out and grasped Sebastian's hand. "If I didn't bring you back, we all would live our lives with 'what if's' and "'if only's', right?" He removed his sunglasses and rubbed his eyes. "What's meant to be will be." He muttered.

Sebastian felt the now trembling hand release his own as the roar of the jet engines signaled the start of their flight. Settling back into the plush seat, he slowly closed his eyes and envisioned ocean irises wide and bright and full of life.

"Meant to be." He whispered, before the blessed peace of darkness came rolling in.

* * *

The minute the private jet touched down at Westchester Airport, Vincent began making calls to Dr. Spears.

"It's best if I filled you in once you arrived at the hospital." Spears advised over the phone. "There is a private car waiting for you both at the car port. Look for the driver with silver hair, his name is Pluto." True to his word there was a tall waif-like young man in a white jacket and slacks standing beside a white BMW.

"Mr. Phantomhive and Mr. Michaelis!" He smiled, quickly snatching the large duffle bags from both gentlemen. "My name is Pluto, I hope my brother gave you guys a smooth ride from London!"

"Ash is your brother?" Sebastian asked.

"Yes sir!" He laughed, opening the car door and beckoning the men to get in. "When our sister asks for a favor, her brothers don't hesitate to serve."

Speeding down the almost desolate highway towards New York City felt strange and incredibly lonely, as if they were the last people left on earth. The yellow glow of street lights and row after row of skeletal winter trees placed a dismal pounding against their hearts. Sebastian stared at his hands for most of the car ride, desperately trying to form some semblance of a prayer without sounding like a hypocrite while Vincent read the last text from Angelina over and over again:

'Rachel has been given a sedative; she's on the brink of a nervous breakdown'

Dear God, Vincent prayed silently, please don't let us be too late.

By the time Vincent and Sebastian reached the hospital it was already 2am. Visiting hours were obviously long over, but Spears had waited patiently for the pair to show. The doctor stood at the front security desk, tired jade green eyes watching the men pass through the glass revolving doors of the entryway. They each had left their bags with Pluto who had promised to wait for them as long as need be.

"Dr. Spears, how is he?" Vincent asked in a shaky breath, clasping the doctor's hands. "Is he . . .?" His voice trailed off, a look of anguish slowly rising on his eyes. Sebastian steadied himself against the security desk evening his breathing as his heart pounded painfully against his chest.

"He's alive, Vincent." the doctor replied calmly. "Come upstairs to my office so that I can fill you in on his prognosis." Glancing at Sebastian he offered a small nod of acknowledgment. "If it's alright with Mr. Phantomhive, you may sit in with us." Before Sebastian could offer a response, Vincent waved the dancer over to his side.

"He is to be privy to everything that involves Ciel." He stated firmly.

Spears turned swiftly around and began walking towards the elevators. "Understood." He called over his shoulder. "Now we must hurry, time is not on our side!"

Upon entering the Oncology floor, Sebastian was surprised to find Rachel and Angelina curled up and sound asleep on the couches in the waiting room.

"Dr. Durless will not leave her sister and Rachel will not leave her son." Spears pointed out as they entered his office. "Those two are inseparable."

As Vincent and Sebastian sat in the office listening to Ciel's most recent medical diagnosis, dread and anxiety seeped into their systems. Only the most damning of information managed to reach their ears as each medical phrase sounded worse than the last.

. . . severe anemia . . . spontaneously bled out . . . sudden loss of countless pints of blood . . . cardiac arrest . . . vital organs in immediate danger . . . ventilator to aid in breathing . . .

Finally Spears informed them that as Ciel's doctor, he had made the decision to put his patient under a medical coma in which a drug was administered to force the brain to function at the same brain wave patterns as a person under a real coma. He explained that this was necessary in order to save his organs from being damaged from a lack of oxygen rich blood. It would buy them time for his body to heal some, but it was a short term solution; a bandage over a knife wound.

"What now?" Vincent asked hoarsely, his hands folded together in a tight knot under his chin. "Tell me straight, Dr. Spears, is my son going to die?"

"His white blood cell count is extremely low. I must continue chemotherapy in order to conduct the stem cell treatment; however, he must first respond positively to the blood transfusions. If his blood isn't clotting then he will most surely go into cardiac arrest again once I bring him out of the coma." The doctor sighed heavily. "It all depends on his strength to pull through."

"May I see him?" Sebastian cut in, his voice uncharacteristically small and shy. As he had been listening to the doctor's detailed explanation of everything that was wrong with Ciel, his mind had been racing with ways to that he could somehow help his little love. Even though he had no clue what he could possibly do; however sitting here wasn't doing any good either. He needed to be by Ciel's side now more than ever.

Spears shook his head. "It's quite late and I do-"

"I'm fine with it." Vincent stated firmly. "Ten minutes wouldn't hurt, hm?"

"Very well." Spears rose from his chair and eyed the dancer. "Ten minutes."

The Intensive Care Unit (ICU) is a unit in the hospital where seriously ill patients are cared for by specially trained staff. The ICU staff includes doctors, nurses, respiratory therapists, clinical nurse specialists, pharmacists, physical therapists, nurse practitioners, physician assistants, dietitians, social workers, and chaplains. It is where a critically ill patient is sent when more advanced and urgent treatment is required in order to save their life. Sebastian stared at Ciel's door with apprehension, on the other side laid the love of his life and yet a gnawing sense of fear kept him from bursting into the room.

"He can't see nor hear you." Spears had informed him. "Do not expect anything from him."

Sebastian grunted a reply and waited for Vincent to leave the ICU room. He could hear the older man's low voice as he spoke to his son, but it terribly unnerved the Englishman that Ciel did not, could not, respond. The door finally opened, revealing a seemingly aged Vincent.

"Go ahead." He spoke, barely glancing up. "I'm going to lie down with Rachel."

Sebastian stepped into the room and felt the air around him turn stale and heavy.

If it weren't for the shock of blue black hair against the stark white pillow, he would have never believed the skeletal being swathed in bed sheets punctured by numerous tubes and cords was his Ciel.

His feet felt like blocks of concrete dragging along the tiled floor, it was an invisible force that urged forward even though shock was keeping him back. As he edged closer his eyes scanned the two long twig like arms peppered with dark bruises and hooked to IVs and pressure monitors. To the right of Ciel stood a critical care nurse checking one of the many monitors and documenting readings onto a clipboard. On the other side of the bed stood another male clinician busily adjusting an IV bag filled with a clear liquid.

"He's stable for now." The young nurse with the clipboard announced to the other. "Hey, Charles, how about giving them some privacy?" Gesturing towards Sebastian.

"Sure, sure, Phipps." Charles nodded. "I'm done here." Sebastian mumbled 'thanks' as he watched the pair leave.

Left alone in a room that looked like something out of a nightmarish science fiction movie left him shaken. Shuffling forward slowly, he finally reached the bedside and felt his body trembling uncontrollably, reacting to the remnants of the young man he still loved dearly. With a stricken heart he noted the sunken cheeks and grayish pallor, the thin wispy hair, the tube protruding from Ciel's covered mouth forcing the inhalation and exhalation of air.

He listened to the monotonous beeping of countless machines, the mechanical hissing of the ventilator, the echo of his own heartbeat thundering in his ears. Leaning closer to Ciel, Sebastian inhaled the scent around the boy and almost choked. Instead of strawberries and pastries and all things sweet and delectable there was the sickly scent of antiseptic and sterile air.

The room seemed to darken with each passing second and a chill ran violently through Sebastian. He finally decided to seat himself on the bed, easing his larger body carefully so as not to disturb Ciel nor accidentally unhook any of the tubes. His hands found purchase within Ciel's own, lacing the bony fingers together and shuddering at the cold alien feeling. There was barely a hint of warmth coming from the parched and flaking skin.

Gently squeezing the petite hand, Sebastian gazed at the delicate heart shaped face and allowed his tears to flow freely.

Your eyes, he thought as an ache formed in his throat, I just want to see your eyes one more time.

"Ciel." He whispered, placing a soft kiss on the back of the bony knuckles. "I came to say that I'm sorry, so sorry for everything. I came to tell you that I love you more than this ridiculous life we're forced into. I came because I was a bloody fool and I needed to make amends for what I did to you. I'm here because I want to believe that you need me and that somehow I can save you." Wiping droplets of tears off of Ciel's chin, he inched closer, willing those ocean blue orbs to pop open. "I'm here to stay for as long as you are, my love. Please Ciel!" He choked out, gritting his teeth in an effort to control the grief overwhelming him. "Please don't leave, it doesn't matter whether or not you want me with you. Here beside you is where I'll remain until you have me dragged away kicking and screaming, but please, I'm begging you, don't leave! Stay with us, stay here!"

No answer, as to be expected but the steady vacuum like breathing . . .

In and out.

In and out.

"I'll shut down the city lights.

I'll lie, cheat, I'll beg and bribe.

To make you well, to make you well." Sebastian sang softly, caressing Ciel's forehead, lovingly brushing his thinning bangs away from the sealed eyes.

"Your hope dangling by a string.

I'll share in your suffering.

To make you well, to make you well." The room echoed with his rich velvet voice as he sang a song in hope that somehow, amidst the medicated darkness Ciel was encased in, the frail patient would hear his message and come back to him.

"You're my back bone.

You're my cornerstone.

You're my crutch when my legs stop moving.

You're my head start.

You're my rugged heart.

You're the pulse that I've always needed." His voice rose, a crescendo of fervent love and desperation, hope and faith all rolled into a psalm, a song, a prayer to a forgotten God.

"Like a drum, baby, don't stop beating.

Like a drum, baby, don't stop beating.

Like a drum, baby, don't stop beating." Sebastian pressed his lips against Ciel's cheek and murmured into the ashen skin

"Like a drum my heart never stops beating for you."

* * *

"It's been ten minutes." Spears yawned, stretching his arms above his head. The doctor stood over Vincent who was sprawled on the waiting room couch cradling a slumbering Rachel.

"Leave him." Vincent ordered. He's not hindering his health and you know it."

"This hospital has rules even you must abide by, Mr. Phantomhive" He replied curtly.

"William, are we really going to argue at this point?" Vincent sighed loudly, adjusting his coat under Rachel's head, tenderly stroking her hair. "Let him stay, what's the harm?"

"Fine." Green eyes narrowed. "I'll be in my office. Even I need my sleep." Vincent watched the doctor walk swiftly down the hall. In his arms, Rachel stirred briefly, a low whine escaping her lips, the sedative keeping her enveloped in a calming haze.

"When did you get here?" Vincent looked up to see Angelina sitting up on the adjacent couch. Her eyes were half lidded, drowsy and unfocused. "Did Sebastian come back with you?" She asked groggily, smoothing out her rumpled maroon shirt and black pants.

"He's here." Vincent replied quietly. "We arrived here about an hour ago."

Angelina scanned the room. "So where's the escape artist?" She scowled, crossing her arms. "In the loo changing his mind again?" Throwing in an English accent for the sake of sarcasm.

"Behave yourself, Angie." Vincent warned. "This is about what Ciel wants so mind yourself around Sebastian."

"Well, someone certainly had a change of heart!" Angelina arched her back, rubbing the tender muscles on the sides of her lower spine.

"I've come to realize many important things, Angie." Vincent spoke lowly, careful not to disturb Rachel's fitful slumber. "I've realized that running from Ciel and burdening Rachel with all responsibilities was cruel and irresponsible of me. At this point, loving them both wasn't enough, I had to show them through my actions that they are the most important people in my life."

"So actions speak louder than words?" She asked, arching a brow his way.

"I wish I could say I did, but," Vincent admitted "I couldn't even talk about the situation with Ciel, and I almost lost them both. I was a complete and utter fool, but she gave me a second chance." He resisted his hand against Rachel's shoulder and patted it gently. "And so did Ciel, without reservation, and while I was watching Ciel cry and swear that all he wanted was to see Sebastian and explain to him the truth, I thought that perhaps it was time someone else was given a second chance."

"What if it's . . ." Angelina ran her fingers through her bright red hair, the hesitation in her voice causing Vincent to stare intently at her. "What if it's too late?"

She spoke a harsh truth that no one wanted to admit, what if Ciel had used up all of his chances? What if this moment wasn't enough and they had lost their one opportunity to unite the young lovers? Healing Ciel with the promise of a life with Sebastian had been a crazy and desperate move on Vincent's part, but what if these efforts were fruitless?

"What is life without risks?" He replied plainly.

* * *

"Sir? Sir? Wake up!" Sebastian stirred in his sleep. He could hear a woman's voice cutting through his hazy darkness punctuated by the sounds of rhythmic beeping. "Sir!" The voice urged. "If you don't wake up right now I'll be administering a shot on your ass!"

Red eyes flew open desperately blinking away the sharp bright lights bathing the hospital room. Sebastian twisted his head around and realized that he had fallen asleep curled up next to Ciel. His legs had been hanging off the bed and he could feel a pinch in his neck from the awkward position he was in.

"Blimey." He croaked, rubbing his face vigorously with his hands. "How long have I been asleep?" Looking up he noticed the owner of the voice standing next to the bed. Tall, with silver hair and bright violet eyes, Angela Landers was quite striking in appearance, but Sebastian could clearly see the kindness emanating from those piercing eyes.

The nurse smiled widely, nudging Sebastian's hip with her fingertips. "As much as I enjoy watching you two cuddling, it's time for me to change Ciel's bandages and check his vitals."

"Oh, of course! Forgive me!" He quickly apologized, scrambling off the bed. "I-I meant only to lie down for a few minutes!" Angela watched the disheveled man stumble off the bed on unsteady feet, his face was tight with worry and exhaustion, his movements disoriented and jerky.

"I'm sorry, but I think it'd be best if you took a walk outside and got some fresh air." She advised, gently taking Sebastian's arm and helping him stand up straight. "It wouldn't help Ciel one bit if he were to wake up and find you admitted to the hospital as well!"

Sebastian chuckled. "Quite right." He admitted, giving her a small smile. "My name is Sebastian."

"I know who you are." Angela grinned, glancing at Ciel. "He told me a lot about you." Her eyes came back to rest on Sebastian's shocked face. "During his last treatments he kept a photo of you by his side."

Garnet eyes flashed with surprise. "He did?"

"Yes, he certainly did." She hummed, drawing back Ciel's bed sheets as two more critical care clinicians entered the room carrying more bags of IV fluids and medication. "You were his motivation to keep on fighting. Even though he felt like you were angry with him, he still held on to those memories he shared with you."

Sebastian felt a full throb pulse in his chest. "He should have been angry with me." He whispered, averting his eyes from Ciel's bandaged body. "I don't deserve him."

"You can make nice with him once he's out of the red zone." She pointed towards the door. "But right now we need you to leave so that we can do our job here. Please take an hour to grab some coffee and clear your head."

Sebastian reached out and grabbed Ciel's hand, giving it a quick squeeze before exiting the room. There was nothing more he could do at this point and it was still early; 6 am to be exact. Claude, Mina and Lilith were not due to arrive until early afternoon and it appeared that Vincent had taken Rachel home.

"Are you looking for Vincent?" Angelina appeared from behind the receptionist's desk Sebastian had been lingering at.

"Excuse me?" Sebastian quirked an eyebrow "And you are . . . ?"

"Dr. Angelina Durless." She offered her hand which Sebastian promptly shook. "I am Ciel's aunt. Rachel's little sister."

"A pleasure." Sebastian nodded his head.

"Vincent took Rachel home to freshen up and force her to eat." She sighed. "They are already on their way back."

"Ah, I see." The dancer breathed out. "I'm going for a walk, but I'm coming bac-"

"Will you?" Her eyes narrowed, an accusatory tone slipped from her lips. "Will you be back?"

Sebastian froze as a myriad of emotions swelled through him and he wrestled with feeling anger, guilt, shock and offended. He knew he deserved this remark, but he wasn't going to allow himself to be victimized either.

"The only person I need to explain myself to is Ciel." He replied evenly. "He is all that matters to me. His opinion, his feelings, his attitude towards and about me are the center of my world." Turning around he began to walk away before he felt his arm being grabbed.

"I'm sorry!" Angelina called out, pulling Sebastian towards her. "I'm sorry, but you have to understand how difficult this was for Ciel."

"I do understand." Sebastian sighed, carefully removing the doctor's hand from his arm. "But if anyone is to punish me, then it only serves right to be Ciel."

Without another word Sebastian walked away, his footsteps echoing loudly in the quiet ICU ward.

* * *

_**The song Sebastian sings to Ciel is "Gone, Gone, Gone" by Phil Phillips** _


	36. Chapter 36

_**GREETING!** _

_**In case anyone was wondering why I'm a day late in updating, I'm in the middle of returning home from an 18+ hour road trip! But I was able to pen this little gem while traveling through America.** _

_**Thanks for the reviews! I'm way behind in responding to people but I do appreciate and love the support and kind words from everyone!** _

_**Not sure if we are going to hit 1000 reviews with this chapter** _

_**but if we do then how should we celebrate? All suggestions are welcomed!** _

_**Ok, before we go one, big shout out to AnimeCujo, check out her new Fic "Revelations" it's crazy awesome!** _

_**READ, ENJOY, REVIEW, FOLLOW, FAVORITE, THANK**   **YOU**_!

* * *

New Year's Eve for the Trancy family was never normal, to say the least, it was more like a page torn straight out of the Family's Guide to Absolute Dysfunction. This year it was decided to ring in the celebrations at their multimillion dollar luxury Central Park West condominium.

The head of the Trancy household sat in an overstuffed armchair, a bottle of scotch held securely in his pudgy hands. Inebriated and eerily quiet, his leering gaze caused Alois to fidget uncomfortably on the couch across from him. This was his usual New Year's antic; get blindly drunk and stare at the young college student with hungry eyes.

"Dirty bastard." Alois mumbled, sipping his champagne from a Waterford flute as a brief, but potent, urge to fling the exquisitely expensive glass against the wall above his stepfather's head crossed his mind. Instead, he opted to finish his drink and snicker, secretly enjoying the idea of shattered glass embedded within those glazed over eyes.

Mrs. Trancy was no better, heavily drugging herself with Valium and shots of vodka while bawling loudly over the unfairness and cruelty of life, pointing out at the failures of each of her triplets. She opted to face the evening comfortably numb.

"Timber is a low life gambler, Canterbury watches porn all night long!" She slurred angrily over the crystal liquor set in the family den. "And that retard half brained do-nothing Thompson is a waste of life and space!"

The triple set of siblings sighed heavily and offered no defense for their indiscretions. What did they care? As long as their pampered lifestyles were financially supported, their mother could criticize them with her venom and poison tipped tongue. Sprawled lazily in the plush carpeting, they whispered cryptically to each other and blatantly ignored the blonde student. Alois winced; this was going to be a long and unnecessarily awkward night.

The soft vibrations of his cell phone jarred him from his momentary depression. He was awaiting news on Ciel's condition and was praying that no further complications had occurred since he had last seen his best friend placed under a coma.

Dr. Spears had told him to leave the hospital as only family could remain at that point. With a heavy heart, Alois had gone to stay at the posh Manhattan residence in the famed Beresford building that his foster family owned. He knew the Trancy brood would be shacked up miserably together since no other upstanding wealthy family would choose to spend an evening with that crew, so he had arrived early that morning. It was only 7 pm now and he was seriously contemplating asking Spears to place him on a drug induced coma as well.

'Hello?' He answered his cell, placing his glass down in the coffee table.

"Ushe a fucking coashter!" Mrs. Trancy slurred, pointing a well-manicured finger at the table while the triplets snorted behind their hands.

'Come outside.' The earpiece requested softly.

Alois's eyes widened. 'Who-who is this?' He whispered, heart thudding loudly against his chest.

'Come. Outside.' The voice ordered again.

"Claude!" Alois yelped, springing up from the couch he ran out of the room, grabbing his coat out of the hall closet and tearing the entryway door open.

Before him, dressed in a long black wool coat covered in powdery snow, holding a cellphone was his heart's desires complete with golden eyes and a cool smile. "How's my little imp?" Claude smirked.

A wave of relief rushed through Alois's body, the weight of worry and despair lifting itself from his thin body and making him feel suddenly airy and healed of the darkness that had held down his emotions for the last few days. Frozen in his place, Alois could only stare with tear-brimmed eyes, his chin quivering and voice mute. It felt as if a dream had stepped into his nightmare and the fear of the wished for image standing before him suddenly disappearing overwhelmed him.

"Claude!" He sobbed, holding out his arms like a small child who had been lost for so long and had finally been found again. Long arms gathered the young student in a tight embrace, gently crushing him against a firm chest. Their breathing deep and mingled with words tangled with weeping.

"Y-you're here!" Alois wept, clutching the Claude's arms. "H-how? W-when?"

"This afternoon, long story!" Claude grasped Alois's face with both hands and laced his fingers tenderly through his soft golden hair. "But I've come for you and I need you." He growled hotly into his ear, a quick flick of his tongue sending shivers up Alois's spine. " I need you right now and if I don't have you within the next 20 minutes I swear to God I'll shag you right here in this hallway!"

"Let's go!" Alois slammed the door shut behind him and hurriedly dragged Claude towards the elevators. "Wait! Where are we going?" Alois pressed the round button and looked at Claude.

"I have a driver waiting for us downstairs." The tall man leaned forward, pressing his mouth against Alois's and nibbling the peach tinted lips. "You're coming to my flat and I'm going to make up for leaving you so suddenly before the holidays."

Shaking his head, Alois felt the welt of hurt within his chest slowly ease away, Claude's words were like a healing salve. "I understood why you left." He admitted tearfully. "I would have done the same for Ciel!"

"Then let us live for this moment and enjoy what we have right here." Claude murmured, brushing away a tear from his young lover's cheek. "From now on I will never place you second in my life. You're a part of my family; a part of me."

"Alois." He held the college student's hands against his own heart. "I love you."

* * *

The ICU buzzed noisily with the mechanical sounds and hisses of various lifesaving machines. Critical care staff members communicated with one another constantly, the high level of patient care and precarious situations creating an atmosphere of constant movement. Not a second was wasted in transferring, studying, completing and engaging information and every patient was watched over by several pairs of alert and expert eyes.

In one particular case, Ciel Phantomhive was being watched over by a village.

"When do you think Ciel can be removed from the coma?" Rachel and Vincent flanked Ciel's bedside, the weariness of the last 24 hours etched on their drawn faces. They were in company with Sebastian, who sat in a chair across the room and Mina who had arrived in New York a few hours earlier with Claude and Lilith.

Lilith had opted to rest in Sebastian's apartment after the long trip, her cough had worsened and the worrisome wheezing was not going away. She assured her children that it was only the stress of traveling that caused her coughing fits and Mina had insisted on going straight to her brother for she refused to leave his side during this difficult time. As young as they were at the time of their father's death Sebastian had made an extra effort to console his 5 year old sister who had cried and thrown numerous tantrums over the sudden melancholy their home had been subjected to. She was too young to understand why pop wouldn't be with them anymore, why mummy hid in her darkened room under the covers and bawled for hours on end, or why her big brother and Claude had turned solemn and silent to the world.

I will be your pillar of strength this time, Sebastian; Mina vowed.

"Dr. Kadar is reviewing Ciel's platelet count and we should have a better idea of where we stand in this situation." Dr. Spears stated, snapping a folder closed and adjusting his glasses. "It's too soon to discuss resuscitating him."

"Too soon?" Vincent rubbed Ciel's shoulder with a trembling hand. "How long can he stay like this?"

"Until I feel he is strong enough after undergoing platelet transfusions. Until then, he will remain on this state." Spears turned away from the couple and made his way to the door. "I suggest you all go home and have a good night's rest." He advised, checking his watch. "It's 8:30 and the city is underway with New Year's Eve celebrations. Go home and go to bed; you all look like death warmed over."

"I'm not leaving my son." Rachel stated firmly. "God knows if this will be his . . ." Her voice trailed off; a stricken look of grief seizing the worn out woman. Sebastian and Mina exchanged pained looks, how could one possibly comfort a mother in despair?

"No, we are not doing this, Rachel." Vincent spoke sternly as he walked around the bed and pulled her into his arms. "He's strong, and he has a fighting spirit, how many times did we think the end was near and he beat the odds?" He shook her gently. "We cannot give up now!" Rachel covered her face with her hands, unable to accept the reassuring words from her husband.

"I promised him he would never be alone." She whispered. "Whether he's awake or not, he needs his family with him at all times. Especially now . . ."

"Uh, excuse me." A voice squeaked and all eyes turned onto Mina as she walked to the edge of the large hospital bed. "Why don't you both go out for dinner for at least an hour while Bass and I keep him company? Then we can all ring in the New Year together." Offering a shy smile to the couple she had come to know and feel a kinship towards after only a few hours. "Together just like a family."

"I think that's a fine idea." Vincent smiled gratefully at Mina. "What do you think, dear?"

Rachel nodded. "It is a lovely idea. Lizzie is coming over in an hour with my sister so we can all be together. Thank you, Mina."

A half hour later Sebastian sat next to Ciel listening to Mina playing Salut D'amour on her violin; he couldn't tear his eyes away from his beautiful boy. Even while the talented violinist was earning admiring stares and looks of awe from the critical care staff, Sebastian was in another world with his beloved. Finishing with a comical short bow, the young girl pouted. "What? No applause?"

"Forgive me, I'm a bit preoccupied." He replied wryly.

"Do you think he can hear us?" Mina stroked the dark wood of the violin, her fingertips lingering over the strings. "The doctor says he can't, but wouldn't it be brilliant if he really could?" She shivered a bit, the cold hospital room feeling crypt-like and devoid of life. It was so difficult to believe that the white washed body swathed in sheets and surrounded by machines, tubes and monitors was actually a living being. How her brother kept himself from breaking apart over the dire situation his lover was in amazed her.

Sebastian passed a large hand over Ciel's forehead and felt the familiar ache of longing grip his heart once more. "I should hope so." He admitted, staring at the motionless body before him.

"Sing to him again, Bass." Mina suggested. "Go ahead."

Dark red eyes glowed with warmth; a timid pink hue blossoming on his pale cheeks. He thought for a moment as to what he should croon to his unconscious love, what messages did he hope to convey?

"Oh, my life is changing every day," He began tentatively at first, catching the barely concealed snicker from his young sister.

"In every possible way.

And oh, my dreams, it's never quite as it seems,

Never quite as it seems." The rich harmonious tenor of his voice rang playfully throughout the room, the side of foot tapping against the metal frame of the bed. "I know I've felt like this before, but now I'm feeling it even more. Because it came from you." He delivered a quick peck on the tip of Ciel's nose

"And then I open up and see the person falling here is me,

A different way to be.

And now I tell you openly,you have my heart so don't hurt me.

You're what I couldn't find.

A totally amazing mind, so understanding and so kind;

You're everything to me."

Mina felt her own feet tapping along with the rhythm of her brother's song, totally enraptured by the heartfelt melody he was confessing to his sleeping prince.

"Oh, my life,

Is changing every day,

In every possible way." Sebastian placed his lips near Ciel's ear and whispered huskily. "And oh, my dreams,

It's never quite as it seems,

'Cause you're a dream to me."

"Oi! Bass! Sing him something a little more, upbeat!" Mina requested, placing her violin back into its case. "You're breaking my heart!"

"Upbeat?" He contemplated the suggestion, rubbing the back of Ciel's knuckles against his cheek. It felt so good to have skin on skin contact with the young man; how he longed to press his body against the small frame before him!

"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine." He sang loudly earning a small giggle from his sister "You make me happy when skies are grey.

You'll never know, dear how much I love you . . ."

Glancing at Mina, a somber expression ghosted over his face, he paused and closed his eyes feeling the hot prickling of tears. "Please don't take my sunshine away." He choked out before lowering his head into Ciel's chest and sobbing.

"No! Please don't!" Mina bolted from her seat and drew her brother away from the sleeping form.

She held the large lumbering man in her arms as best she could. For as long as she could remember, it was the giant of her brother who always protected her, always watched over her regardless of how many times her mischievous ways would send him into a fury. Now she was the one comforting Sebastian whose body convulsed with grief.

"You're doing him no good breaking down every time you're here with him." She scolded mildly, stroking his black hair. "If you want him to hear you singing, don'tcha think he can hear you crying?"

"Bloody hell, you're right." He gasped, rubbing his face furiously as he detached himself from his sister. "What the hell am I doing?"

"You're being human." Sebastian turned to face the doorway where Spears was standing with a new chart in his hands. Smirking slightly, the doctor sauntered over to the pair. "Excuse me, but I heard singing and violin playing. You would think this was Carnegie Hall." He gestured to Mina's instrument.

"Thank you, doctor. We thought it would help Ciel somehow." She blushed

"Ahhhh, I see." Spears hummed, casting a critical eye at Sebastian. "I suppose every little bit counts."

"I wouldn't say our efforts are little." He growled, straightening his back. Even with the unspoken truce between the two men, there still remained an inherent distrust among them.

"Lizzie is here with Rachel and Vincent." Green eyes flickered between Ciel and the monitors. "It appears our young patient will have an apt amount of company to ring on the New Year."

Words spoken were never truer and at a quarter to midnight Ciel's room was bustling with activity. Lizzie and Mina connected immediately, intellectual, talented and addicted to shopping, the girls promised to keep in contact in London during Lizzie's internship. Spears chatted amicably with Angelina while Sebastian stood protectively besides Ciel's bed with Rachel and Vincent.

All eyes were on the small flat screen TV on the wall adjacent to Ciel, images of the famed ball dropping in Times Square at midnight flashed across the screen. But there was no cheering, no well-wishing, no celebratory whooping and hollering sprinkled with sparkling confetti and champagne.

Just silence, strangled hope and desperate prayers for Ciel's reawakening.

* * *

"Alright, now the other leg." Nurse Angela ordered, firmly bending Ciel's slender limb and rotating his ankle. "This one's pretty loose now." Sebastian watched the attractive silver haired woman and her assistants Phipps and Grey, stimulate Ciel's circulation by maneuvering and massaging his limbs. "Preventive measures." She had explained. "We want him to wake up and be able to walk and move freely."

It had been one full week since Ciel had been placed under a coma and so far all medical data had seemed positive. The slate haired patient was responding well to the platelet transfusions and his blood counts had risen considerably. The next step would be to remove the drugs currently keeping Ciel numb to the world and then more aggressive chemo treatments.

"May I help?" Sebastian asked hopefully, rising from his chair. "I took several physical therapy courses in uni."

"Uni?" Angela snickered. "Ciel was right; you do say some odd phrases."

"Cheeky brat." Sebastian chuckled, gently lifting the fragile arm and kneading the muscles with care. "I thought he loved that about me."

"He loved everything about you." Angela smiled, placing the leg down and repositioning the sheets. Turning to the two clinicians she handed them another chart. "Phipps, Grey, you can go to room 119 and monitor that patient."

Sebastian caressed Ciel's parchment like skin. "What will it be like when he wakes up?" He asked hesitantly, locking eyes with Angela. "I know this isn't as simple as we would all wish it to be."

"It all depends." She sighed deeply. "Every patient is different. The most difficult part is administering neurological exams to determine brain functioning."

"Why?" Sebastian frowned.

"Because we cannot determine the extent, if any, of brain damage until the patient is actually awake." Angela informed calmly; fear accosted the man in an icy grip nearly choking the air from his lungs.

Brain damage?

"Oh God!" He gasped, tightening his hold on Ciel's arm and lowering his eyes to gaze at his beloved boy. "I didn't think this would happen! Hasn't he gone through enough?"

"Sebastian." Angela spoke softly. Her concern for the Englishman had grown over the week she witnessed his faithfulness to helping care for Ciel. "Dr. Spears has planned on resuscitating Ciel in the next hour." Sebastian's head snapped up

"What?!" He barked. "Why haven't I been told?!"

"Because Dr. Spears felt you wouldn't be able to handle seeing a possible negative outcome." She replied truthfully. "And forgive me, but I agree with him."

Bursting through the front glass doors of Mt. Sinai, Sebastian felt the blessed coolness of an early winter afternoon envelope his body, easing his nerves as he started walking down the quiet city block.

The fury he had felt upon learning that his reactions could not be trusted were ebbing away. Instead, anxiety was slowly working its stealthily way into his chest, clutching his heart and strangling his breathing, if he didn't walk off the dread and terror there was no telling how long it would be before the trained dancer would succumb to a panic attack.

"Breath in and out." He grunted miserably to himself, wrapping his sinewy arms around his middle, shivering from the shock of cold weather.

Long legs strode purposely down Madison Ave; turning sharply on 97th street he made a beeline for Central Park. The trees were laden heavily by snow, unlike the day when he shared his first kiss with Ciel.

The world then had been a kaleidoscope of brilliant autumn colors, full flourishing life and the promise of a new adventure in love. Yet, here he was, teeth chattering and hoping for nothing short of a miracle.

Entering the nearly deserted area, Sebastian glanced about looking for a park bench to sit on and catch his breath. His thoughts were a mess, confused and frantic with visions of a still near unrecognizable Ciel. How had this happened so quickly? Why had he been such a dammed fool? He berated himself inwardly, cursing his haunted past.

"I'm no good." He mumbled, sitting down with a huff on the cold iron bench. "No Godammed good." At that moment Dr. Spears was preparing his ICU team to remove the young patient from his drug induced coma and so many frightening scenarios were possible. Sebastian could not shake the doom hovering over him; it crushed his cool and controlled facade rendering him incapable of remaining in the ward.

A few grey pigeons with coal black eyes cooed and pecked at crumbs near his feet, staring curiously at his shiny black shoes. Several brave birds began loitering near him and inching closer to the bench.

"Off with you." He growled, brushing the crumbs away from him with his shoe. "Filthy sky rats."

"Now that's not very nice, mister!" A small squeaky voice cut through the air. Sebastian nearly jumped out of his skin as he turned to the direction of the sweet sound and found himself facing a dark haired little girl in a bright red pea coat and matching hat.

"Rose Red." He whispered, watching the almond eyed child hop onto the bench alongside him. The last time he had come across the serene faced cherub was before he and Ciel had broken up. "W-what are you doing here?" He asked incredulously, looking about for her neglectful nanny. To his surprise there was no one else around, not a living soul who would appear to belong with the young girl.

"My mommy works at the nearby gardens in the park." She explained, pointing towards the direction of the Italian Gardens Conservatory. "She lets me take a walk to feed the pigeons."

"It's frightfully dangerous for a child your age to wander about alone!" Sebastian exclaimed, suddenly feeling irritated at the situation. From what he could gather it seemed as if the well-kept child was often ignored.

Rose crossed her arms scowling. "I am not wandering!" She huffed indignantly. "I know exactly where I'm going! And I'm not alone!" She patted Sebastian's arm. "I'm sitting here with you!"

The dark haired man chuckled. "You are a piece of work, little Rose."

"Why are you here alone again?" Rose glanced around curiously. "Where's Ciel?"

Sebastian felt his heart tighten. "You-you remembered his name?" he asked, lowering his eyes to the ground.

"Yup!" She chirped, swinging her legs happily. "His name means 'heaven' and his eyes are really really blue. I wish mine were blue, but I remembered that and also my French tutor taught me what heaven is in French so he has a French name; is your friend French? Because you don't sound French, you sound like those guys in that band, you know, right? One Direction! They're England people; are you from England?"

Sebastian stared wide eyed at the small girl. "Blimey!" He cried, holding up his hands. "You are a nattering child. Take a breather before you pass out!"

"I'm a kid, what do you expect!" She stuck her hand in her pocket and retrieved a handful of crumbs, flinging the contents with a flourish at the hungry birds as the air rang with her laughter mixed with fluttering wings.

"So?" Earth brown eyes looked expectedly at Sebastian. "Where's your friend?"

How do I explain without explaining at all? Fidgeting nervously, Sebastian mulled over the question, turning each stone over in his mind trying to find a reasonable yet honest answer for the little girl.

"He's very sick." He replied lowly, unable to meet her gaze. "Right now he's resting in the hospital."

Rose gasped. "So why aren't you with him?"

"B-because he's very sick and . . . and he's asleep so I took a break." He muttered.

"But what if he wakes up and you're not there?" She asked.

"If he wakes up I'll get to him, plus he's not alone!" Sebastian defended.

"But aren't you his best friend?" She pried.

"Wha-what?"

"Yeah, you're his best friend right?" Rose reasoned.

"I suppose-"

"And you love him, right?" A hot blush erupted on his pale cheeks at the logic.

"Well, yes, but you see-"

Rose pulled at her black hair; her face wearing an earnest expression. "I love my best friend! Her name is Jocelyn and I love her! We've been friends since forever! Like forever and ever so if she was sick I would stay with her, forever! Even if she was asleep I would stay because if she woke up and I wasn't there she'd be sad! Wouldn't you?" Sitting back against the bench with a satisfied smirk, Rose tossed some more crumbs and laughed at the pigeons scuttling about.

Sebastian sat, mouth agape, at the onslaught of childlike logic he had just been subjected to. "Rose." He began slowly. "How are you so precocious?"

Rose turned to him and shrugged. "I don't know what that means!" She snapped, rolling her eyes. "But my mommy tells me that I act too grown up sometimes!"

Sebastian nodded his head. "Yes, I believe she is correct." He sighed. "I guess I should never have left his side."

"People you love never really leave." Rose brushed the rest of the crumbs off of her coat and hopped off the bench. "And you should never leave people you really love." The deep tolling of a nearby cathedral echoed like brass waves in the wintery air. Rose sighed, waving her petite hand, she turned and skipped down the stone path towards the conservatory. "I've gotta go!" She sang out. "I hope Ciel feels better!"

Sebastian quickly stood, startling the mingling crowd of birds into flight, their grey white flock rose like a soft cloud among the ebony trees and chilled air. "Thank you Rose!" He called, waving at the scarlet figure disappearing down the path like a scarlet dragonfly.

"Don't forget me!" Her voice was faint, but Sebastian caught her last message to him. This small spark of life understood the detrimental force of loneliness and had chosen to negotiate life on her own terms.

He was going back to face the unknown side by side with Ciel; results mattered none.

"I will never forget you, Rose Red" Sebastian promised, walking swiftly towards the park's exit.

* * *

**_The first song Sebastian sings to Ciel is "Dreams" by The Cranberries_ **


	37. Chapter 37

**_GREETINGS!_ **

**_It is with a heavy heart that I announce that the next chapter will be the last of SMTB. Afterwards I will be posting an epilogue._ **

**_This was a very difficult chapter to write but I want to thank AnimeCujo for being my beloved and supportive friend and co-writer in this chapter._ **

**_I thank you amazing readers for your uplifting reviews, please continue with the feedback, I love hearing from you all!_ **

**_THANK YOU!_ **

* * *

Vanessa carefully placed a large cup of steaming black coffee on Spears's desk, her eyes full of worry. "When was the last time you ate?" She asked sternly, scanning the preoccupied physician with a critical eye. "You look just awful!" Spears glanced up from his desk piled high with folders and charts.

"Last I checked; you weren't my mother." He replied dryly, reaching for the mug and taking a quick sip.

"Last I checked, you were smart enough to know how you get when you don't eat!" She shot back with irritation. "And I know you haven't slept more than three hours in a row since Ciel has been admitted." Vanessa chastised, giving him a knowing look.

"Vanessa." Spears replied.

"You're going to crash." She persisted.

"Do not be absurd! I'm not a machine." He scoffed, going back to looking over the paperwork.

"Exactly!" Vanessa slammed her palms against the surface of the desk, glaring at her boss. "You're a human being who needs food, sleep and a break from this place!" Spears opened his mouth to protest, but the young woman waved him off. "No! You know I'm right!" She argued. "I understand why you're doing this, you feel like no one can take care of Ciel like you, but Dr. Spears, you have to take care of yourself as well!"

The doctor rubbed his chin thoughtfully with his fingertips, leaning back in his chair he mulled over Vanessa's heated words. "Do you realize how I have no one to look after me?" He murmured wistfully, staring at the wall of his office. "No one except you. You are the only one who cares about my mental and physical well-being."

Vanessa sighed at the sad comment. "That's only because you let me." She informed. "And because you're as stubborn as they come." A small smile twitched at the edge of her lips.

Spears looked up. "Now if only you were a man, I would have found utopia." He returned the gesture with a sad smile of his own; both of them well aware of the truth in that statement. "One day, maybe one day I will find someone who can take of me as good as you do." The doctor sighed and his secretary snorted.

"Yeah, right." Vanessa grinned, winking playfully to lighten the somber mood. "I don't care who he is, you'll never find someone who can put up with your OCD self like I can." She giggled as her boss smirked at the analysis. "Come on, Spears. Today is supposed to be a happy day." Vanessa reminded, switching topics. "Ciel's supposed to wake up, right?"

Spears smiled at the reminder. "Yes, you're right and speaking of," he leaned forward to grab his Blackberry and checked the calendar. "The Phantomhives should be here by now. Would you mind checking and sending them in?" Vanessa nodded and went to collect their patient's parents.

Rachel and Vincent entered the small office, their faces looking worn from stress. Spears motioned for them to have a seat in front of his desk and exchanged pleasantries for a moment before opening a file and explaining the situation involving Ciel's being taken out of the medically induced coma.

"Two days ago, I began reducing the sedatives that have kept Ciel unconscious." He started, glancing down the page. "At the rate his stats have been progressing, I believe he will start to be more aware in the next 45 minutes or so." Spears glanced up to see the nervous expression on the couple's face. Folding his hands over the charts, he gave them his full attention. "I need to, however, remind you that there is a possibility that some damage to his brain could have occurred from being kept in such a state for so long." Spears eyed them seriously.

"What are the odds?" Rachel suddenly asked, her hand gripping Vincent's tightly. "What are the chances that Ciel will be alright?" Her lower lip trembled at the thought that her son would wake up physically strengthened, but having suffered brain damage. This was too much; it wasn't fair.

"To be honest, I am not sure." Spears answered, loathing the fact that he could not provide a brighter response to them. "However, we will know more when he wakes up." checking his watch, the doctor stood and smoothed his coat. "Speaking of, it's about time to make our way to the ICU."

"Come, dear." Vincent tugged on Rachel's hand and offering a reassuring smile. "Let's welcome Ciel back again." She nodded and stood; following Dr. Spears out of the office and into the hallway where Vanessa was waiting for them.

As they approached the ICU, the foursome was greeted by a small critical care team that consisted of Nurse Angela, Phipps and Grey. The group made their way into the small area that was Ciel's room; the air crackling with nervous energy as preparations were underway for the patient's return to the conscious world.

"So far his vitals are normal." Angela notified, pointing to a chart in her hands. "We just removed the intubation equipment and he is successfully breathing on his own." Spears hummed approvingly at the information.

"Oxygen levels are all normal as well." Phipps offered, the tall handsome man turned to his partner. "Did you order the extra platelets?"

"Yep, they're being sent up from hematology as we speak." Grey nodded. "All that's left is easing Ciel off of the sedatives entirely." He smiled.

"Then let us proceed." Spears announced, walking over to the patient's bed. He leaned over the rail to linger near the young man's ear. "It's time, Ciel. Time to wake up." He whispered.

"I'll be joining you all as well." A baritone voice pronounced and the small group turned to stare at Sebastian who strode confidently into the room. The Englishman's cheeks were rubbed red from the bitter cold, but his expression was calm and composed.

"I was wondering when you'd finally show up." Vincent chuckled, walking over to him and patting his arm affectionately. "Alright son, let's get to it." He said, leading Sebastian next to Ciel's bedside.

Vanessa cocked an eyebrow at Sebastian and eyed his foot. "How're your toes feeling?" She smirked and he frowned at the unpleasant memory.

"That was cruel, my dear." Sebastian huffed. "Well deserved, but still cruel."

"I've been told my feet should be licensed weapons!" She laughed.

"And when she trips you can hear her fall like a giant redwood tree." Phipps teased; cupping a hand to the side of his mouth, "Timber!" He called out, earning a reproachful look from his colleague.

"You're just jealous that I'm taller than you!" She pointed out before checking her smart phone. "Well, I am sorry to say this, but I have some other things I need to attend to." She sighed reluctantly. "Good luck everyone. He's in my prayers." Vanessa gave a brave smile to the group and headed out of the sterile room.

Sebastian hovered over the small still body, staring once again at the inanimate form that was Ciel. It was the first time in more than a week that his face was unencumbered by a mask and the tube protruding from his mouth. The ruddy complexion was a stark contrast to the previous paleness that had colored his face before now, giving him an almost cherubic appearance.

"He looks like an angel." Rachel breathed, clutching Vincent's hand. "Our precious, little angel."

Sebastian reached down to gently intertwine his fingers into his beloved's limp hand. There was some warmth there, more so than this morning than before, and it sprung a new sense of hope within his heart. Leaning forward, he placed his lips next to Ciel's ear and nuzzled the soft hair spilling fluidly against his face to whisper, "Come on my beautiful boy, open those ocean eyes I love so much."

* * *

_"Oi! He's calling for you!"_

_"I hear him, I always hear him."_

_"Could you stand to never hear that voice again?"_

_"N-No!"_

_"Then be brave, lad. Be brave and go back."_

_"I can't help being scared . . . and I don't know how to go back!"_

_"It's simple, just open your eyes."_

_"Now?"_

_"Yes, right . . . now!"_

* * *

Sebastian sucked in a sharp breath, crimson eyes blinking rapidly at what he was seeing. He swallowed hard as his heart beat like a violent jackhammer in his chest as two depthless ocean blue orbs were now staring right back at him.

"Ciel!" He choked out; tears immediately blurring his vision and he hurriedly wiped them away so he could see again.

"Ciel." Dr. Spears spoke calmly. "Can you hear my voice? Blink twice if you can." He observed carefully, searching for a response. However, the patient only continued to stare at Sebastian, his gaze intense and unmoving.

"Oh God, why isn't he responding!" Rachel suddenly cried, her hands flying up to her face. "What's happened to him? Ciel, baby, say something!" She pleaded, hiding her head in Vincent's shoulder.

"It may take a while for Ciel to gather his senses." Angela explained from behind. "He still has quite a bit of medication in his system."

"But why isn't he moving his eyes?" Vincent demanded, rubbing Rachel's arm to soothe her. "He should at least be able to look at us, right?"

Spears checked Ciel's heart monitor and nodded. "This is normal for a patient wh-"

"The. . . tall man . . ." A hoarse voice rasped quietly, the room fallen silent at the sound. Sebastian's eyes widened in shock at the barely audible words that had slipped past Ciel's lips.

"W-what?" He asked, leaning closer to the young man's face.

Spears frowned. "Did he just speak?"

Ciel let out a low moan and blinked, his eyes never leaving Sebastian. "The tall man . . ." he struggled to speak. "T-told me...to go back . . ."

"What tall man?" Sebastian whispered encouragingly.

"Eyes . . Blue eyes. . ." Ciel took in a wheezing breath. "He said he was sorry . . . sorry . . ." All blood drained from Sebastian's face as he gripped the sheets of the bed.

"Sorry for what?" He cried out desperately. "Sorry for what, Ciel?"

"What is this?" Vincent fumed, glaring at Spears. "What the hell is he talking about?" The doctor opened his mouth to speak, but Rachel shushed him and pointed to her son who still held a steely gaze with Sebastian.

"Sorry . ." Ciel's eyes flittered closed as he mumbled. "Sorry he left . . . the tower. . ."

* * *

The next 24 hours after a patient wakes up from a drug induced coma is filled with crucial examinations and treatments. How a patient responds to these tests determines the extent of, if any, brain and physical damage. It is not enough for the patient to just wake up.

Spears ordered Ciel to be immediately sent to neurology for extensive testing; blood and urine samples were hurriedly taken as well as heart and blood pressure stats. Rachel and Vincent waited patiently in Spear's office while Sebastian paved a worn trail up and down the long hospital corridor. His nerves shot beyond normal capacities.

"The tower, the tower." Sebastian mumbled, gritting his teeth. "How is this even possible?"

The first few words that had stumbled out of Ciel's mouth were disturbingly haunting to the tall Englishman. He struggled to find some form of explanation as to why his beloved would have, in the dazed and confused state he was in, carefully chosen those particular words aimed solely at him.

Tall man. Blue eyes. The tower. It read like an incomplete riddle, vaguely pointing towards an impossible answer.

Sebastian recounted every conversation he had with Ciel, every moment played back in his mind, but he knew there was no conceivable way his young love would know about his secret past. It did not help that afterwards, when Spears had done a basic memory test in order to determine the patient's frame of time, that he did not remember speaking those words upon being resuscitated. Angela had reported back to Sebastian that Ciel could not recall anything during his time in a coma.

Did Ciel make a connection beyond the realm of the living? Sebastian groaned inwardly, this couldn't be possible, why did Ciel mention the tower of all things? The soft vibrations of his cellphone jarred him from his deep thoughts and he checked the caller ID before pressing the screen.

"You were supposed to call me this morning." An eerily calm voice spoke smoothly. "Your cat tore apart my favorite couch, bogarted Alois's attention from me and Mina and Mum are a couple of pains in the arse that need to go back to London ASAP!" Deep laughter rumbled from Sebastian's chest causing him to hold his sides as he leaned against a wall.

"Christ, kill me! Claude! You have no idea how much I needed that!" Sebastian gasped, catching his breath. "Ciel is thankfully awake and lucid. I'll pick up Lola later this evening, if the victimized couch is that beastly creation you call high end upholstery then I refuse to apologize for its much needed destruction." Pausing to take another deep breath, he let out a snort. "And Mina said she would leave once things had settled so rest assured our ladies will be heading home soon."

"How are you faring?" Claude asked. "Now that Ciel is awake, are you ready to continue on this route?" A door opened a few feet away and murmuring voices floated easily through the cool sterile air. The high squeaking of wheels echoed faintly and Sebastian pushed himself off the wall; the device still gripped in his hands.

A gurney was cautiously maneuvered through the doorway into the hall accompanied by Dr. Spears and several ICU physicians with a surprisingly alert looking Ciel sitting upright in bed. Sapphire eyes found their way to Sebastian, like seabirds coming home from a long journey across strange seas they had found their way back home and a weak yet warm smile stretched across the young man's gaunt face.

"Until the day I die." Sebastian answered firmly before hanging up on Claude and pocketing the cell. All he wanted in the world right now was to be by Ciel's side, hear his voice again and be the center of his beloved blue eyed prize's world. Was it even possible?

Ciel turned his head towards them, the gossamer material of his light blue hospital gown hung loosely around his bony shoulders. He appeared younger, almost childlike and innocent with only two IV tubes attached to his left arm. During the week his skin seemed sallow and yellow tinged giving him a worn and ancient look but now a creamy paleness returned and Sebastian could swear there was a rosy blush slowly creeping up his neck.

Unable to contain herself, Rachel rushed to the hospital bed with Vincent following closely behind. The clicking of her heels breaking the awkward silence. Throwing her arms around Ciel's thin neck, she held him close to her bosom rocking him gently back and forth as she sobbed into his hair.

"My baby, my baby." She wept, littering his face with kisses. "Thank God!" she praised, cradling his face in her hands. Ciel smiled, blinking away at his own tears while his father placed a loving kiss on the crown of his head.

"That's my boy." He crowed, ruffling the young man's hair. "We knew you'd make it back." Sebastian waited patiently as the parents doted over their only son who remained silent, but smiling; his hands clasping theirs.

"Sebastian!" Vincent called over his shoulder. "Come here, son. Don't be shy!" Ciel's eyes widened at his father's words; a confused look was given to his mother who returned it with a bemused smile.

"I'll explain everything later." She assured him.

Sebastian walked slowly towards the group, nervously clenching his fists at his sides as he shortened the distance between him and the young man he adored. The fear of rejection was playing in the dark corners of his mind, yet he couldn't overlook the flushed cheeks and bright eyes sitting before him. Finally standing beside the bed, he offered a sincere smile and locked eyes with him.

"Welcome back, love." He spoke softly, his voice shaking with emotion. "There's so much I want to say, but we have time and I won't bother you right now, I'm just so happy you're awake and . . ."

"Se-bashtion." Ciel rasped, throat hoarse and ragged from the intubation tube that had rubbed his airway raw for over a week. "Stay." A winter pale arm, frail and thin, reached out to the man and found purchase on his cheek. Ciel released a contented sigh, stroking the smooth skin now streaked with tears. "S-stay with me." He whispered.

The elation of hearing those long sought after words nearly overwhelmed Sebastian and he leaned into the wispy touch. "Are you sure?" He asked in a wary voice; his confidence having faltered after witnessing the bevy of support Ciel had surrounding him. Why would he ever want someone who had treated him so poorly back in his life?

Sebastian felt Ciel's hand trail steadily down his neck, tugging at the collar of his jacket. A hot blush erupted on his face when the young man suddenly pulled him close and gingerly placed a tender kiss against his blanched lips. Sebastian immediately felt heat burst through his skin as if he had been set on fire; risen from the dead like a Phoenix from the flames. True, it was Ciel who had been awakened from a dark and healing medicated sleep, but it was Sebastian who felt revived. He was once again alive, restored solely by the promise of being loved and forgiven by the most precious being in his life.

"I love you, Ciel." Sebastian choked out, holding him with caution, for fear of breaking the college student's sickly frame. In the middle of a stark white hallway, surrounded by the presence of life and death, hope and despair, loss and victory, they held each other in a fragile embrace. It had been nearly a month since the last time they had been in this way, felt the exchange of their physical and emotional bond between them and the ache of its loss suddenly receded into distant memory. The gaping wound of betrayal closed up the moment Ciel was entwined within Sebastian's grasp, the garden of his heart bloomed once again.

Ciel nuzzled the dancer's neck and inhaled the scent of lavender and tea, his heart thudded with an insurmountable feeling of joy and hope. "I-I love you too."

Two days passed before Ciel was completely awake and free of the sedatives in his bloodstream. The young patient had passed his neurology examinations with flying colors and the green light was given for visitors to keep him company.

Since the night he had arrived in New York from London, Sebastian never left the hospital except to change his clothing, inhale some food and take a shower. Too much time had been foolishly wasted in not being with Ciel and he planned to make up for it by spending every waking moment together.

Seated on the bed next to him, Sebastian rubbed lotion on his lover's arms, taking time to knead the aching limbs with care. The dry skin was parched and flaking, causing the patient to continuously itch and scratch his limbs; the daily massages and creams helped to relieve his discomfort. Their treatment was just about done and Sebastian had already cut and groomed Ciel's nails, combed his thinning hair and spread a mint balm on his cracked lips. Afterwards he would accompany him to his chemo treatment for the week.

"I feel like a girl." Ciel snickered, batting Sebastian's hands away from his face. "Where did you get that lip stuff?"

"Mina purchased it for you, said it would help with healing and moisturizing." Wiping his hands on a tissue, Sebastian smiled. "Do your arms feel better?" he asked.

"Yes, they really do. Thanks." Ciel smiled back, tracing his fingers along the length of his arm, pleased with the satiny feel of his skin. "Everything you do makes me feel better." He admitted.

"Is that so?" He winked, a mischievous leer spreading across his face. "You know I can do more than spa treatments." A stealthy hand made its way up Ciel's covered thigh.

"Pervert." Ciel huffed, shifting his legs away from the probing fingers.

"How about a happy ending?" He teased, motioning towards Ciel's crotch.

"Don't you dare!" he snarled, glaring at the man.

"Joking! Just joking!" Sebastian laughed; holding up his arms as Ciel grabbed a tissue box and feebly swatted him with it. "This is abuse! Abuse of your caretaker! You're nothing, but an ungrateful brat!" He pouted.

Ciel rolled his eyes. "Some things never change, do they?"

"Guilty as charged." he shrugged.

Placing the tissues down on the bed, Ciel sat up and regarded him with a serious look. "Why did you come back?" He asked. "I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm happy you're here with me, but what does this all finally mean?" A freshly moisturized lower lip found itself being nibbled on nervously by its owner.

Sebastian laced their hands together, giving him a reassuring squeeze. This moment was a long time coming and even though he never wanted to speak of his secrets to anyone it was now time to set them all free. It was time to start over by letting go of the past.

"I'm going to tell you a story about how I became the tormented bloke you see before you." He said with a wistful smile. "And in telling you, I let go of everything that has damaged me which in turn has damaged you."

Ciel shook his furiously. "You didn't damage me!"

"I hurt you, terribly. I wounded you." Sebastian looked away, the anger he still felt towards himself rose swiftly within him. "You never deserved what I did and I will never forgive myself."

"Sebastian?" The sound of Ciel's suddenly timid voice drew the older male back into his dark blue gaze. "Would you please hold me while you tell me the story?" Nodding his head, Sebastian crawled in next to him, looping his arm around the small shoulders and cradling the young man in his arms. Ciel felt like a baby bird nestled in warmth; swaddled by love and security. "How's this?" Sebastian affectionately scratched the area behind Ciel's ear "Are you comfortable?"

"Very." Ciel moaned, closing his eyes to the delicious feelings of the ministrations.

"Are you ready to listen to my story?" He asked seriously.

"Yes, go ahead." Ciel opened his eyes and stared up at his boyfriend "I'm always ready to listen to you."

"My father's name was Mykhal." Sebastian began slowly. "He was very tall, a bit on the thin side, blonde hair, and blue eyes-"

"And you once told me that you and Mina looked like him?" Ciel interrupted, quirking an eyebrow as he looked up.

"We are the reverse version of him." He chuckled. "Aside from that, he was very charismatic, every morning he would sing the entire household awake and every night he would dance with mum in the living room. I adored him; he was my hero, the center of my world. I know you understand what it feels like when someone you love edges away from you, slowly distancing themselves, right?"

Ciel sighed. "Yeah, I do."

"Yea, well our pop suffered from depression, anxiety, panic attacks. Blimey! He couldn't go a week without an episode and it changed him. It colored everything in his life, clouded him and altered his and our lives so much so that at times I couldn't speak to him. On good days he was my regular pop, on his bad days he was a dodgy bloke; difficult to read, impossible to reach." Sebastian explained, his voice taking on a shade of nostalgia as he reminisced about his loved one.

"What happened to him?" Ciel asked tentatively, feeling the stress radiate from his lover's body. He ached to take away that pain and snuggled closer to show his support.

"We owned an old roundabout, barely used it since the tube was nearby, but mum always wanted one so pop parked it in the front of our flat and drove it sparingly." He answered softly, his mind replaying the images of that day from long ago. "I was 10 at the time and one day he decided to pick me up from school. I should have known; should have known something was wrong." Sebastian breathed, a slight shudder rolling through his frame as he spoke of that horrible day. "Ciel, he had this far off look in his eyes and he wasn't chatting much, I should have realized what he was feeling . . ."

"There's no way at 10 years old you could have understood that much about a person!" He argued vehemently.

"Perhaps." Sebastian shrugged, "but it was the way he looked at me with these odd eyes, all sad and lonely that got to me. We arrived home and he insisted I go upstairs first, that he'd follow along in a bit. Ciel, I swear I knew this wasn't right and I did go up one flight of stairs, but I turned around and ran back outside."

"Are you ok telling me this?" Tugging on the man's arm, as much as Ciel wanted to hear this story the sight of how much pain it caused Sebastian was becoming too much to witness.

Sebastian breathed in deeply and pressed his lips against his lover's forehead. "I have to, because if I don't, bloody hell, this is never going to let me go!" Ciel nodded at the logic, still unsure of how much of an emotional impact this was having on his boyfriend.

"I heard a loud pop go off and there were several of my mates from my school hanging around the area yelling and pointing at my pop's car. I ran to the driver's side and opened the door and . . . and he just, fell into my arms, like a rag doll. His head was bloody, there was blood everywhere. All over the seats, all over me, the pavement, blood everywhere." He spoke, the last part of the sentence fading out and barely audible.

"He . . . shot himself?" Ciel grimaced, brow furrowing with concern.

"One bullet to the head. There's no need to further explanation what it did to my family or to me. I'm sure you get that, but still I blamed myself." Sebastian paused for a moment, letting the heavy tension in the air surrounding the conversation settle. "All these years I convinced myself that I could not, would not, attach myself to anyone because to love someone so deeply and then lose them was equivalent to dying." He gazed down into the wide blue eyes and gently stroked the small jaw with his thumb lovingly.

"Ciel, what I did to you was unforgivable, I don't deserve you nor do I have any right to ask you for your heart once more. I'm sorry I was a coward and sharing this horrible piece of my past is torturous for me, but I need you to understand why I was an intolerable arsehole." He sighed loudly and continued. "But more importantly, regardless of what you have to face, I swear to you I will remain forever by your side until whatever end awaits us all. Whether it be one day or a hundred years, I am yours and you are mine, every step of the way."

Ciel tilted his head up; searching the pained crimson eyes and wondered how much time did they have left to spend on being hurt?

None. None at all.

But a lifetime of love? Time did not matter; they were going to be together.

He rested his hand against Sebastian's chest, taking comfort in the strong beat of his heart. They had spent enough time being hurt by secrets and past demons that could not be changed no matter how hard they tried. It was then that Ciel decided to let go of what had been and focus on what they had right now in this moment and what they had was each other.

"I have my own story to tell you." He admitted quietly.

Sebastian frowned. "Ciel, you don't have to explain anything to me."

"No, it's not so much about the cancer." Dark blue eyes became lost in a long ago memory playing itself in Ciel's mind as he spoke. "I've got a story about someone who also left me and her name was Dolly, Dolly Kelvin."

Sebastian nodded. "I'm listening."

"She was a patient, like me, two years younger and we loved each other." Ciel blushed, snuggling deeper into Sebastian's body. "And we promised we would remain together forever."

"But on the night of my 19th birthday . . ." Ciel swallowed hard, forcing himself to form the words. "She died in my arms."

"My God." Sebastian breathed. "I'm so sorry."

Ciel hugged him tightly. "It's ok, I mean, at least she didn't go alone. That's what I keep telling myself, but I just didn't want to lose that love anymore, I didn't want to die alone one day . . ." His sentence trailed off.

"You are not going to die!" Sebastian sat up quickly, his eyes suddenly frantic, jaw clenched painfully. Ciel could feel the trembling of his lover's body and hurriedly reached for him.

"Please don't be upset!" he begged, pulling Sebastian back down next to him.

"You are going to fight this disease and you will not die!" Sebastian hissed, burying his face into Ciel's neck, his breathing had become rapid. "I will not let you go, do you understand? I will sell my fucking soul to the devil if need be to keep you here!"

"We are not going to resort to making contracts with demons!" Ciel chuckled. "What good is it if I survive, but have to live without you?" He teased, attempting to lighten the mood.

"Then we do this together." Lifting his head, Sebastian devoured Ciel's mouth with hungry lips and a ravenous tongue. Their breathing slowed as they tasted each other after what seemed like an eternity of starvation.

"Do you love me?" Ciel gasped once the kiss had ended, his reddened lips still tingling with delight.

Sebastian blinked. "More than my own life." He swore passionately.

"Are you sure about that?" Ciel challenged lightly.

"100 percent." He grinned, tightening his hold on the young man.

"Hmmm." Ciel mulled over out loud before placing several sensuous kisses along the slender slope of Sebastian's neck. "Well, what do you think about you and me? Together?" He purred, his tongue finding its way along the finely angled jaw.

"That we are simply meant to be." Sebastian murmured as he nipped Ciel's ear, earning a low moan from his love.

"Alright." Blue eyes sparkled with adoration. "Kiss me and then all is forgiven."

Red eyes glowed with desire "Yes, my Lord."


	38. Chapter 38

_**Greetings!** _

**To show my immense gratitude for the 1000+ reviews filled with support, advice, compliments,well wishes, feelings, etc. I am posting chapters 38 and 39 as a two part finale. This means that I will update twice this week.**

**Thank you for your kind words and for sticking with me on this 8 month long journey! My last A/N will come at the end of Part II.**

**Thank you to AnimeCujo for editing this nonsense oxox**

* * *

**_Part I_ **

_"Hope" is the thing with feathers -_

_That perches in the soul -_

_And sings the tune without the words -_

_And never stops - at all -_

_-Emily Dickinson_

The month of January ushered in a new year filled with uncertainty and hope and much like any period of life, there were plenty of challenges and obstacles; especially for the Phantomhive Family. However, with those challenges came a new attitude to face the future and fight to keep what was most important and necessary; family and loved ones.

Ciel underwent numerous platelet transfusions which proved to help strengthen his physical as well as emotional resolve to live. The procedures were long and tedious and often uncomfortable, but he slept through most of them with Sebastian or one of his family members sitting quietly by his side. The nurses and clinicians often found the charismatic Englishman reading a book or listening to music while holding Ciel's hand and placing small kisses on the young man's knuckles while the life giving platelets flowed into his body.

The ensuing chemotherapy was difficult at first and due to the aggressive nature of his cancer; Spears opted for an equally aggressive approach. As a result, days and nights found the young man unable to function out of sheer exhaustion and extreme vomiting. It was to be expected, Ciel reasoned, and so he trudged on, bearing all with a proud and determined heart.

Rachel and Vincent alternated visitation times with Sebastian, Alois, and Angelina in order to make sure that Ciel was taken care of and always in good company. Yet, there were times when Ciel would request some alone time for meditating and praying and periods of time to read, think, rest and listen to his beloved classical music. It pained him that he was too weak to hold up his violin and play a favored piece and so he settled instead for a pair of ear buds, an iPod and various concertos. It was during those moments of requested solitude that he would reflect upon his short life and wonder if he had done enough, said enough, felt enough.

He had been fortunate to understand suffering on a multitude of levels because it had taught him both sympathy and empathy; compassion was empty unless one also understood what it was like to walk in another's shoes. Ciel counted himself blessed for having gained that knowledge in his youth and he reflected also upon the strange coincidences between Sebastian's life and his own.

They were born five years apart and thousands of miles away; he was raised within a high standing and noble lineage where in contrast Sebastian could be described as having grown up a commoner's life. Regardless, they both were masters of their own chosen arts, had undergone traumatic experiences as children, withstood betrayals of the heart from their fathers and had held a loved one in their arms as they slipped into the realm of the dead.

Was it possible, Ciel mused, that the universe decided that these two were indeed kindred spirits, destined to stumble their way into each other's lives?

Perhaps the truth was simple, in this uncertain world sometimes one must trust the mysterious ways of God. For Ciel, this was an acceptable fact. His mother had raised him to believe and so he did, without question, believe that whether or not he died, at least he and Sebastian had found each other.

As expected, it was the start of Lizzie's much anticipated internship for Burberry in London, a golden opportunity the aspiring fashion designer could not allow to pass. However, even with the promise of a lucrative start to her young career, Lizzie gave some thought to ducking the offer and staying home while Ciel recuperated.

"Absolutely not!" Ciel yelled, nearly toppling off a chair in his room. They were sharing a quiet private moment in his room before his scheduled physical therapy. "You promised me you would go no matter what condition I was in!" He reminded her, knitting his brows in fury.

"Obviously I was going to agree to anything with you sitting in a pool of your own blood!" She shot back, a shiver running through her body as she recalled the traumatic night after Thanksgiving dinner. "And to say that I would go even if you had one foot in the grave is crazy!"

"But I don't have one foot in the grave!" He pointed out. "And there are plenty of people here to help me out."

"You mean, Sebastian?" She cooed, tracing her fingers up his arm in a mocking gesture. "Oh yes, now that your sexy English lover is back, he's going to heal you and make all the pain go far away!" She giggled uncontrollably at watching Ciel face flush bright red.

"No! I-I mean, well . . ." He stammered, unable to look at his cousin.

"Oh my God, you are so damn cute!" She squealed clasping her hands together in delight. "Have you guys, you know," green eyes narrowed as she dropped her voice to a secretive whisper, "done it here in the room?"

"Sadly, no, but I've managed to fondle the lad so I suppose that counts." Lizzie yelped in surprise and turned swiftly around in her seat to find a grinning Sebastian with his arms crossed leaning casually against the doorframe.

"Busted!" She laughed, her own cheeks flared warm pink as she rose from her seat to greet the tall man. "Sorry, I couldn't help, but ask. I guess I'm just a degenerate."

"More like nosy." Ciel grumbled.

Sebastian snickered. "Oi, don't be like that, love. You have a soft spot for degenerates." He gave Lizzie a tight hug and regarded her with a curious look. "Isn't your flight for London in the morning?"

Lizzie nodded. "I suppose."

"You suppose?" He frowned. "Mina planned to meet you at Heathrow upon arrival. Are you changing your mind?"

"No, she's not!" Ciel stated firmly.

Lizzie sighed. "I've never left him." She lowered her head as her lips began to quiver. "What if something happens while I'm gone?" Her fear finally voiced, for as long as she could remember she had never left New York whenever Ciel was sick. It had never crossed her mind to do otherwise. Now, for the first time in her entire life she was going to be thousands of miles away while Ciel battled the unthinkable.

"If something happens, you can come home." Sebastian placed two fingers under Lizzie's chin and gently tilted her damp face up to look at him. "I promise I'll take good care of him while you're gone."

Lizzie sniffed. "You better." She smiled gratefully, poking at his firm chest. "Or I'll report back to Lilith and Mina!"

"Dear God, no!" Sebastian groaned loudly, dramatically tossing his head back. "Cut my throat before you do that!" The trio erupted in laughter.

"Ugh, it's time to go to PT." Ciel groaned, glancing at the wall clock "Sebastian, are you going to wait for me here?"

Sebastian stepped towards Ciel gracefully swooping the young man bridal style in his arms. He cradled him closely to his body and planted a deep yet loving kiss on his lips.

"I came to fetch you for your therapy." He informed, their foreheads pressed together. "Am I carrying you downstairs or would you fancy the wheelchair in the hall?"

"Carry him! Carry him!" Lizzie begged, hopping up and down in excitement.

Ciel eyed her critically. "Hell no." He growled. "I'll crawl there before you do that to me!"

"As my Lord wishes; a wheelchair awaits." Sebastian chuckled.

* * *

"I despise February." Angela growled, her hands deftly removing the IVs from Ciel's arm. "Everything is so bleak and dead outside." It was the end of yet another grueling five hour chemo treatment and near the end of her shift.

"I'm too tired to open my eyes." Ciel yawned as she lifted him up into a sitting position, easily swinging his legs over the side of the bed. "Is it snowing again?" His eyelids drooped heavily, the sickness he felt kept him from taking in any sleep during the procedure. "I'm tired of this snow." He grumbled.

"I know, it's been a long cold winter." She sighed. "Careful, the wheelchair is to your right-"

"I got it, I got it." Slipping into the wheelchair a low moan escaped the patient's lips. "Everything hurts."

"I sent Sebastian ahead to your room; maybe he'll give you a nice massage." She teased, pushing the wheelchair towards the hallway. "Too bad I have to go home."

Ciel chuckled. "Knowing him, he'd let you watch." He combed his hand through his hair to scratch at his scalp and suddenly jolted in his seat. Angela halted and looked down.

"Ciel, what's th-" she began, her violet eyes coming upon the large blue grey cluster of hair resting on the palm of his hand. His bleary eyes took in the small mass, this was going to happen eventually, he was well aware of that, but it did not make it any better. "Do you need me to tell Sebastian to go home?" Angela offered. "I know he'll understand."

"No!" Whirling around in his seat, Ciel stared wide eyed at his nurse; the fallen hair clutched firmly in a balled up fist. "Please, no! I'm fine! Let's go upstairs, ok?"

"Ok." She smiled, patting his shoulder. "You're the boss."

It was only then, when Ciel's hair continued to fall out in clumps that Sebastian realized how embarrassed his lover could become over his appearance. The silken strands had begun to slip away by the handfuls after the third round of intensive chemotherapy leaving spaces of exposed scalp on Ciel's head.

"Shave it all off." He demanded one morning, his face was rigid as he stared into the bathroom mirror.

Sebastian poked his head through the door and raised an eyebrow. "Are you sure?"

"In many chemo related cases, hair loss is temporary." Spears said, looking up from one of the monitors in the room. "Once these rounds are done, his hair will grow back like last time."

"Well fuck all kinds of duck!" Sebastian replied. "I had no idea!"

"Your word choices are quite insufferable." The doctor grunted, adjusting his glasses as he glared at the Englishman. "And to think Ciel actually finds you amusing."

"When he gets better he will be finding me naked." Sebastian drawled, a lecherous grin perched smugly on his face. "So put that in your pipe and smoke it, Doctor Spears."

"Sebastian!" Ciel shouted from the bathroom. "Shut up and get me an electric shaver!"

* * *

The month of March came in as surprisingly pleasant, cold days filled with bright sunshine and promises of an early spring. Vincent had resumed full leadership of his company, but had allotted specifics times to visit and care for his son. Rachel had also taken upon the responsibilities of her charity work, balancing her role as Ciel's mother and caretaker with her efforts in raising money for cancer research. Alois visited every other day with Claude in tow, making sure he kept his best friend in good spirits with his wild humor and infectious smile while Claude kept Sebastian abreast on the development if their dance troupe.

Ciel had begged Sebastian to relinquish his self-imposed hiatus from dancing and return to his work, but the dancer refused. "When you leave this hospital, I will resume my career." He had informed the young man. "End of story."

The amount of support was almost too overwhelming, but Ciel would not complain. This was more than he could have ever hoped for and yet, one of the most frustrating things facing him was his own inability to accept limitations. If he set his mind to obtaining a goal, he would usually be successful; however, his own body could not keep up with his will to persevere. There were times when the misery and pain of chemo side effects would send him into a defeated despair, but Sebastian refused to allow him to wallow in a miserable state.

On a particularly difficult evening, the college student was bent over the toilet retching violently as the wave of nausea thundered through his system. Behind him stood Sebastian with his arm looped around Ciel's thin waist holding his trembling form. His legs would give out during these episodes, but Sebastian made sure to hold him securely, rubbing slow circles into the heaving upper back whilst whispering comforting words in his ear.

"God, I'm disgusting." He spat and took in a deep breath. The putrid smell of bile filled the small lavatory causing Ciel's eyes to burn as he watched globs of yellowish saliva drop messily into the toilet bowl. "This is fucking nasty, ugh, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry you have to be in here with me."

"I don't have to do anything." Sebastian replied softly, reaching for a small hand towel on the sink. "And yes, this is vile, but I'd rather bear witness to you expelling out of the attic than through the basement." Ciel rolled his eyes as he felt the deep chuckle rumble from Sebastian's chest.

"You're gross." He mumbled, hurriedly flushing the toilet. He smacked his mouth and grimaced at the taste. "Hand me some mouthwash before I breathe in your face!" Sebastian pulled Ciel upright and kissed the side of his head.

"Brat." He murmured, using the towel to wipe his lover's mouth and chin. "Brush your teeth instead lest your teeth rot." Ciel nodded in agreement and glanced at the mirror.

The image he saw nearly sent him into a state of panic. In his eyes he appeared almost alien like with his head cleanly shaven revealing a blue tinged scalp and large dark rimmed eyes. The skin on his face was a sickly color, sunken in and gaunt. A dribble of saliva rested on the tip of his chin and his arms were peppered with small dark purple bruises.

"Are you sure you want to go through this with me?" The small voice startled Sebastian; it was shaking and so full of uncertainty that he wondered if he had imagined it.

"Did you just ask me if I was sure?" He asked incredulously, turning Ciel around slowly to face him. "Are you mad?"

"Why would I be angry?" He mumbled.

"No, you dolt!" Sebastian snapped. "Are you crazy? I love you! That's it; final, I love you and I am never leaving you, understood?"

"But-" Ciel started to argue.

"We are not having this conversation!" Snatching the toothbrush from the sink and shoving it into Ciel's hand. "I never want to hear you ask me that again nor bring up any foolish ideas of leaving you!"

"Sebastian." Ciel's face crumpled into twisted misery and shame. "Look at me!" He wept openly, his body shaking as he lowered his head. "I-I'm disgusting! I'm not the person you met, my hair is g-gone . . ." Thin fingers dug into Sebastian's arms; his wounded pride lay exposed before his greatest love. "M-my body is d-damaged, it's gross and just . . . I'm throwing up in front of you and it's . . . horrible!"

"Ciel," Sebastian pulled him closer, but he resisted; lifting his head to reveal a damp flushed face.

"No! I'm ugly! I'm dying and it's hideous!" He sobbed. "Look at you! Look at me!" Shaking his head, he squeezed his eyes shut. "How can anyone love this?" A pair of large gentle hands swept up Ciel's neck, grasping his face.

"Open your eyes." Sebastian demanded. Dark blue eyes emerged from a watery cloud to be met by a pair of warm scarlet. "You are not disgusting." He spoke lowly without a trace of hesitation or doubt, each word clear and concise. "You are my beautiful boy and while you may appear to be suffering, inside of you is forever brilliant. If you fall into despair, then you will truly lose that beauty we all love so much." Sebastian leaned into Ciel's ear, encircling one arm around his waist while cupping the back of his head with his other hand.

"When I touch you, I feel alive." He whispered hotly, flicking the ear with his tongue. "The more you tremble, the more I want to smother you with my body. The more you break, the more I want to pick up your pieces."

"It's too much for you!" Ciel sniffed, squirming against Sebastian's touch. "You're going to get frustrated and tired of me."

"I know I haven't earned your trust yet," Sebastian's voice hitched, holding Ciel closer to his chest, "but I'll prove it to you."

Pushing back, Ciel glared at the tall man. "It's not that I don't trust you! It's that I'm a burden! I don't want to be an obligation!"

Sebastian shook his head. "Ciel, you are not-"

"I'm a fucking monster!" He yelled wildly before he was cut off. Sebastian landed a deep kiss onto his dry lips; catching him completely by surprise, his eyes bulged out when he finally realized what his boyfriend was doing. "S-stop!" He cried, wrenching his mouth from Sebastian's. "I just threw up!"

"I don't care!" He growled as hungrily attacked the slender slope of Ciel's neck, running his tongue along the creamy skin and stopping to nibble on his ear.

"Hah! Ah! S-Sebas-" Ciel was cut off again by another sensuous kiss.

Their lips melded and in an urgent need to quell his beloved's fears, Sebastian devoured Ciel's mouth. Amidst the gasping breaths and suckling sounds was his constant desire for the blue eyed boy he swore to protect. It wrenched his heart to watch Ciel suffer and come undone before him; it wasn't enough that death seemed to constantly hover over Ciel with its mocking grin and shadowy presence, but now his waif like body was deteriorating.

Everyone knew that curing Ciel would be a battle, but actually witnessing the brutal side effects of the intensive medicines proved almost unbearable. Yet, it did not matter one bit to Sebastian who sat for hours every day staring with love hungry eyes at Ciel.

Breaking away breathlessly from their kiss, Sebastian rubbed his cheek against Ciel's and hugged him tightly. "You are, and always will be, impossibly beautiful to me." He cooed, rocking Ciel slowly side to side as if they were dancing to a silent tune heard only be himself. "This too will pass, with me right by your side."

"I love you." Ciel buried his face in the crook of Sebastian's neck and inhaled his comforting scent. "I love you so much."

Ever so carefully, Sebastian lifted the slight body and cradled him in his arms, it was getting late and he had heard the nursing staff enter the room to check Ciel's vitals. They would be back any minute searching for their patient. Walking with ease, he approached the bed and carefully placed Ciel on it, smoothing down his hospital gown so it wouldn't bunch up.

"I love you too." He murmured, pulling the stiff white sheets up to Ciel's chin. "More than my own life." He added.

"You always say that." Ciel smiled tiredly, caressing Sebastian's cheek with his fingertips. "Thank you, for everything." Sebastian wrapped his long fingers around the pale hand against his cheek and pressed his lips to the palm.

"Do whatever you can to live." He spoke tenderly, the sounds of approaching nurses wafting through the air; he knew he would have to leave soon. "Stay with me. That's all the thanks I will ever need."

Several weeks went by before Ciel finally felt the onslaught of nausea start to dissipate. His appetite began to improve, allowing his body to recuperate from the chemo therapy at a quicker pace. It was a small victory for him and it showed on his face. His cheeks were a bit fuller than and not as sunken in as before, his lips more supple and the dark circles that had outlined his line had all, but disappeared.

Perhaps there is hope, he mused while studying his face in the bathroom mirror.

Towards the beginning of April, Sebastian and Claude had to leave for London in a hurry. A frantic message from Mina informed them that their mother was hospitalized for chronic pneumonia. It wasn't life threatening, but it gave them all a good scare.

"I'm sorry, love." He apologized, standing next to the hospital bed holding Ciel in his arms; a weekend bag slung over his shoulder. "I'll be back in three days, I swear no more, unless mum takes an ugly turn. You understand, right?"

"Of course I do!" Ciel pouted. "I'm not an animal! It's your mom! You and Claude should be with her right now!"

"Alois will take over my times with you." He kissed Ciel, stroking the rose lips with his tongue, languidly sucking on the delectable mouth, "God, I don't want to leave you!" He breathed hotly onto his lover's wet mouth.

"It's ok." Ciel felt his body melt in his boyfriend's arms. He wanted to leap off of his bed and wrap his legs around Sebastian's toned waist. The thought made him shiver as arousal and desire filled his body once again.

"Ciel?" Sebastian gave the blushing student an amused look. "What are you thinking about?"

"N-nothing!" He cried, pushing the grinning man away from the side of the bed. "Go! Catch your flight! I love you! Say hi to Mina, Lizzie and Lilith! Get going!"

As promised, Alois spent hours each day with his best friend. On the first day he presented Ciel with a box of cupcakes from Crumbs and the developed photos from their senior project. On the second day he happily shared a giant piece of freshly made cheesecake from Junior's and a collection of yaoi mangas.

"What are these for?" Ciel asked, flipping through an issue of Viewfinder, his cheeks burning red.

"Reference material." Alois stated, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively. "And eye candy, of course."

On the third day the boisterous student delighted his friend with chocolate covered strawberries from Godiva and a small digital camera.

"I know you're good camera is too heavy for you to work with right now." Alois watched as Ciel pressed the on button and tapped the touch screen. "So I bought you the lightest most up to date digital camera so you can take pics while you're here, you know, maybe pass the time?" Ciel glanced up at his friend, gratitude etched in the wide smile on his face.

"You're amazing." He said, his heart swelled with emotion. "I don't know what I ever did to deserve your friendship."

"Bitch, please." Alois scoffed mockingly dismissing Ciel. "You don't deserve me." Ciel laughed, it felt so good to enjoy his friend without feeling sick or exhausted all the time.

"Oh! Did you check out Mina's Instagram? There's this freaking hot pic with her, Lizzie and David Beckham!" Alois fanned himself while he scrolled through his cell searching for the photo. "They met him at some Burberry fashion show and I'm like, having palpitations here because I'll have his babies! You don't understand. That man oozes fucking hot ass sex!" Ciel gaped at his flustered friend who now insisted on sharing the hospital bed with him, roughly pushing the petite man to the side.

"Do you mind?" He muttered, pinching the blushing blonde in the arm. "I don't want to be near you right now! You might stab me with your erection."

"Calm yourself." Alois smacked his friend's hand and suddenly yelped. "Here! Here's the photo!" bouncing up and down on the bed while frantically pointing to the phone screen. Ciel took the device and studied his cousin's face. She was beaming, her green eyes bright and alive. Mina was wearing an even bigger smile as they flanked the famously handsome celebrity.

"She looks happy." Ciel smiled handing the phone back. "I'm glad she has Mina to keep her company."

"Yeah, when we talked last night she said Mina introduced her to all kinds of cool people." Alois stretched his arms above his head and yawned. "Dude, I'm sorry, but I'm beat." He dropped his arms around Ciel's shoulders and hugged him. "I'll come by tomorrow afternoon and bring you some cannolis."

"And rainbow cookies?" Ciel asked hopefully.

"Oh my God. Gayest cookie ever!" Alois laughed loudly.

"Stupid." He huffed, crossing his arms indignantly. "They're my favorite cookie."

"Ok, I'll get them." Alois relented, hopping off the bed. Suddenly reaching out to brush Ciel's head. "Hey, peach fuzz!" He cried, rubbing his head harder. Ciel frowned and passed his hand over his own scalp.

"Wha-?" His eyes grew wide as his fingers explored his head, the tiny sharp bristles tickling his fingertips. "Holy shit!" He gasped. "It's growing back!" The friends stared at each other, speechless, as they continued to pass their hands over Ciel's head, each reveling in the seemingly overnight miracle.

"You know what this means, right?" Alois whispered, motioning to Ciel's crown.

"What?" Giving his friend a questioning look.

"You're winning."


	39. Chapter 39

_**Part II** _

_Why! who makes much of a miracle?_

_As to me, I know of nothing else but miracles,_

_Whether I walk the streets of Manhattan,_

_Or dart my sight over the roofs of houses toward_

_the sky,_

_To me, every hour of the light and dark is a_

_miracle,_

_Every inch of space is a miracle,_

_Every square yard of the surface of the earth is_

_spread with the same,_

_-Walt Whitman_

* * *

"April is the cruelest month." Vanessa moaned, tapping away at her laptop while keeping a steady eye on the growing number of patients in the waiting room. "Between filing taxes, office inventory and booking appointments I'm never going to meet a good man and get married!" She threw a hateful glance at Dr. Spears who was standing next to her with new files to input into the system.

"Spare me your droll sob stories." The green eyed doctor replied curtly. "I am twice your age suffering from unrequited love."

"Had I known I would have advised you not to even think about Ciel that way." Vanessa snatched the files from his hands and waved him off. "You're successful, talented, handsome and kind, you're a catch but you never put yourself out there!"

"Out where?" He asked dully.

"Out there!" His secretary snapped, pointing towards the corridor window overlooking the New York City skyline. "You need to be open to opportunities outside of this place! Meet someone new and different!"

"Speaking of different," Spears snorted. "Look who has decided to show up 15 minutes late."

Vanessa turned her head and felt her heart flutter at the sight of Dr. Soma Kadar, the well-known and highly respected head of the Hematology Unit at Mt. Sinai

."Oh my, I do love it when he comes to see you!" She swooned, smoothing her light brown hair down. "He's so exotic!"

"He's also so gay." Spears chortled, patting her on the head.

"Seriously?" She huffed. "I swear, in my next life I want to come back as a man!"

"You should be so lucky." He nodded at the youthful doctor who often wore a round red bindi between his shaped eyebrows. His dark skin, golden eyes and glossy plum tinted shoulder length hair gave people an impression of nobility and mystery. Aside from his sensuous foreign looks, he was also known for his cheerful and amicable demeanor; it was very difficult not to fall for the doctor's charms.

"Thank you for meeting with me today." Dr. Spears greeted Dr. Kadar with a quick shake of his hand as he entered his office. "Please, take a seat and make yourself comfortable." Before Spears turned away the handsome young man flung his arms around his neck catching him in a bone crushing hug.

"How long has it been my old friend!" He cried. "Agni was just telling me last night how we missed your company!"

"Would you please refrain from hugging me while we're at our workplace?" Spears hissed, pushing his overly affectionate colleague and friend away from his body. "How is your partner these days?" He coughed, fixing his disheveled shirt and tie.

"He's perfect, thank you!" Soma laughed, taking a seat in front of Spear's desk. "He's heading the newest exhibit on modern Indian sculptures at the Museum of Modern Art!"

"Good God!" Spears exclaimed, shaking his head. "Does he often see my cousin?" He asked worriedly.

"Yes! That Grell is so full of life!" Soma gushed, his hands waving crazily over his head. "And that beautiful mane of red hair! Like the Goddess of ancient times, fiery and-"

"Enough!" Spears barked, pinching the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger. "He is a nuisance and an utter embarrassment to me and our family!" Soma frowned, taking a scrutinizing look at his fellow physician and began wagging his finger at him as a small grin twitched at the corners of his mouth.

"Someone hasn't gotten laid in a while." He snickered in a sing song voice.

"Shall we continue with our meeting before I toss your childish ass out of my office?" Spears growled in annoyance.

"Wait! I've got an idea!" Soma cried holding out both hands. "Agni knows this adorable intern, a bit on the young side, but completely legal!" He crossed one leg over the other and winked at the doctor. "And he's gay." The older male quirked an eyebrow, his curiosity had been piqued.

"How young?" He demanded.

"Oh, I believe 23 or so." Soma informed.

Spears sighed, his conversation with Vanessa prior to this meeting still echoing in his head. "Fine. Set it up." He relented.

"Yes!" Soma clapped his hands happily. "Now, onto some more serious business!" Retrieving several folders from his accordion file, he began sharing his findings on the most recent blood tests he had given Ciel.

Known to be an expert in the science of blood, Kadar was Spears's most trusted colleague and Ciel had been under Soma's care for five years now. There was no other person Spears would share the responsibility of curing Ciel with except the Indian doctor. Several minutes passed by in silence as Spears read the reports, tapping his pen against the top of the desk in a rhythmic fashion. Soma decided to check his emails on his smart phone while allowing the findings to sink in. He had a feeling Spears would find them unbelievable.

"Is this a joke?" He asked finally.

Soma looked up and shrugged. "Now why would I joke about these matters?" Spears slammed the folders closed and pushed them towards Soma.

"These results must have been altered!" He accused; anger clearly evident in his tone. "I've never seen anything like this!"

"Name an exam I haven't administered." Soma challenged flipping open his medical files and pointing at the charts. "Flow cytometry and polymerase chain reaction, these are very sensitive tests! If Ciel had any residual cancer cells, we would have detected them by now!"

"Go on." Spears leaned forward, elbows resting on his desk and perched his chin upon folded hands. "I'm having a difficult time believing what I'm hearing."

"My lab has collected numerous amounts of blood samples. We have been thorough, checking, retesting, and checking again." The young doctor insisted, handing his files over to Spears. "There is no evidence of the disease after this patient's treatments!"

"Are you telling me that there is less than 5 percent blast cells in Ciel's marrow and his blood cell counts are within normal limits?" Spears narrowed his eyes. "There are no signs or symptoms of the disease?" Dr. Kadar shook his head.

"It is a medical miracle." He replied with awe. "I've never witnessed such a clean recovery."

"Ciel is in Complete Molecular Remission." Spears dropped his head into his hands "This cannot be real." He breathed. "It does not make any scientific sense whatsoever!" Looking up he glared at the dark haired doctor. "There must be a mistake!"

"Theta is no mistake!" Soma snapped. "Run the tests yourself! I guarantee you will receive the same results!" He pointed to the files strewn carelessly on the desk. "If he does not suffer another relapse within five years, Ciel will be in Complete Remission by the time he is 26 years old." The Indian doctor chuckled. "Ah, and life will be just beginning for that young man." He smiled.

* * *

Ciel stared at the papers in front of him; they were filled with cryptic medical jargon, numbers and charts he could not possibly decipher. Somehow these scribblings held the key to some type of news his oncologist had wanted to share with him and his family.

The previous night, Dr. Spears had contacted his parents stating that it was urgent they came to his office first thing in the morning. The doctor had assured them that there was no need to worry; however, several test results were in and he wanted to review the findings with them.

Looking down on his lap he smiled at the sight of his fingers intertwined with Sebastian's. His boyfriend sat next to him, a quiet sentinel prepared to face anything alongside his beloved boy. Rachel and Vincent flanked Ciel on his left side, their faces rigid and nervous, hoping and praying for the best.

Dr. Spears was seated behind his desk shuffling several papers before clearing his throat and eyeing the small group. "Do any of you believe in miracles?" He asked simply.

Rachel's eyes widened. "What is this about?" She spoke slowly, afraid to look anywhere except at the doctor.

"After running highly sensitive tests, blood counts, x-rays, bone marrow and tissue biopsies." Spears sucked in a deep breath and released it with an audible gasp, clearly he was still in shock over Kadar's findings. "We've come to the conclusion that Ciel is in Complete Molecular Remission."

"What?!" Ciel jumped in his seat, Sebastian's grip on his hand tightened. "Wait, h-how is this possible?"

Vincent frowned. "Hold it, what kind of remission is this? Isn't he supposed to be clear for five years before he's in remission?" The doctor shook his head.

"Complete Molecular Remission means we have found no traces of the cancerous cells or any signs of the disease in his system. If he continues in this state for five years then he will be deemed as being in total remission." Spears informed. Minutes ticked by slower as the foursome sat quietly, allowing the incredible news to sink in.

"I don't want to believe this." Ciel whispered, his eyes brimming with tears. "I'm too scared to hope anymore."

Sebastian pressed Ciel's hand against his chest. "But the results-"

"I was supposedly clean for three years and look what happened!" Ciel hissed, wrenching his hand away from Sebastian's hold. He glared at his physician. "Run the tests again!" He ordered.

"During those three years you still had the presence of cancerous cells within your bloodstream but they were teetering on over 5%." Spears calmly explained. "You were in maintenance treatment the entire time. As we speak, there are zero blast cells present in your body."

"None?" Rachel covered her mouth with her hand as tears flowed freely down her cheeks.

Ciel shook his head. "I can't believe!" he cried, his voice shook "I-I was ready to die!"

"Have you been symptomatic, Ciel?" Spears asked.

"What does that mean?" Sebastian asked.

"It means, has he shown any symptoms of being a leukemia patient." Standing up from his seat, Spears walked around his desk and kneeled in front of a visibly agitated Ciel. "Show me your arms." He gently commanded. Ciel looked at him in confusion but obeyed and promptly pulled his sleeves up. His arms were clean, devoid of any bruises.

"Your last nosebleed was four weeks ago, you haven't vomited in two weeks, your energy level has increased plus," Spears continued, "as I keep saying, your blood is clean." Ciel's heart thudded rapidly against his chest, the immensity of this moment came roaring at him like a freight train.

"I'm going to . . live?" His trembling hands dug into the doctor's shoulders as they stared at each other.

"Yes, Ciel." Spears nodded, offering a small smile. "You're going to live."

* * *

It was finally on the afternoon of a brisk late April day that Spears signed off permission for Ciel to be discharged from Mt. Sinai Hospital.

"I'm going home!" Ciel announced loudly while being wheeled down the bustling hospital corridor by a wildly grinning Alois. His arms were raised triumphantly in the air fist pumping as if he were celebrating a grand victory. The hallway of the Oncology unit was lined with physicians, clinicians, staff members, and patients filling the air with jubilant energy as they cheered and applauded Ciel's recovery. Angela had said her goodbyes earlier in private, presenting her young friend with her cherished pink ribbon pin.

"So you don't forget me." She said tearfully, holding his hand.

"You inspired me to keep on fighting." He said, pinning the ribbon on his jacket. "You're my angel, don't you ever forget that." The two survivors gave each other one last hug before they went their separate ways, both stronger than ever before.

Towards the reception area Ciel caught sight of Phipps and Grey standing by Vanessa's desk.

"Good luck, kiddo!" Phipps shook Ciel's hand while Grey offered a high five. "You're our miracle man so stay positive and healthy, OK?"

"You bet, thanks for being so good to me." Ciel smiled and tugged at Alois's sleeve. "Come on, Al, let's see how fast this baby can go!"

"Hell yeah!" Alois shouted, taking off at lightning speed while Ciel hung on for dear life. They whooped and hollered, catching the corner sharply and nearly tipping the wheelchair over on its side. Their loud laughter and snorts filled the hallways, echoing merrily amidst the bemused states of physicians, staffers and patients alike. Alois's sneakers squeaked noisily against the bright light grey floors as he maneuvered his best friend towards the elevators.

"Every one's waiting downstairs!" He chatted animatedly. "Your dad picked up your bags while you were getting your final physical." They reached the elevators with a skidding stop, "and your mom cleaned up your apartment so it's all ready for you!"

"Where are Sebastian and Claude?" Ciel buttoned his jacket and tugged at his scarf. "I thought they were coming up?"

"They're waiting downstairs." Alois adjusted the scarf to cover more of Ciel's chest. "Come on, it's not that chilly, but Doc said you're immune system is still dicey. Can't have you catching a cold!" Ciel grabbed his friend's hands and squeezed them, his face shone with immense gratitude.

"Thank you for never leaving me behind." His eyes filled with tears. "You are an amazing friend, the best I could have ever hoped for." Alois bit his lip and looked away, the ache in his chest slowly creeping up to his throat. He had kept from breaking down in front of Ciel for so long and now that his friend was finally leaving the hospital he felt his self-control ebbing away.

"Of course I'd never leave you!" He laughed, hurriedly wiping his eyes. "You're my best friend, asshole!" The pair doubled over in laughter when the elevator doors opened.

"Good to see you in such . . . lively spirits." A stern voice emerged from the elevator and Alois looked up to wave.

"What's up, doc?" He grinned.

"How original." Dr. Spears sighed. "I wanted to say goodbye before you left."

Ciel glanced at Alois. "Can you wait for me downstairs?"

"Vanessa will be here soon to escort him to the lobby when we're done." Spears assured the wiry blonde.

"Yeah, sure no worries." He shrugged. "I'll see you in a bit."

Ciel wheeled himself away from the doors. "Why aren't you waiting with my family?" He asked quietly, looking up at the stoic faced man. "You know they're expecting to see you." Spears kneeled down in front of his patient and placed both hands on Ciel's lap.

"This is hopefully the last time I will ever have to see you in this state again." The sound of his voice was thick with emotion. "There were moments I swore I could not save you, but for the grace of the unknown, you pulled through."

"Because of you I pulled through." Ciel corrected and Spears chuckled.

"I wish I could believe that, but no, that is not entirely true." He rose, towering over Ciel and resting his hand onto the darkening crown of his most favored patient. "You are the resilient evergreen, Ciel, remember? Throughout the winter, you retained your beauty, your will to live, your courageous heart, and I am so very proud of you."

In the darkest monists, Ciel knew he always had Spears waiting to pull him to the light, to save him from certain death. He loved him for that and for his unshakable devotion to him and to his family.

"Thank you, for everything," he wept softly, "for going above and beyond, for loving me and never giving up." Thin arms reached up, beckoning for the doctor to give him a hug; one final embrace before it was time to move on with life. Spears knew he would have to let Ciel go in order for his own life to carry on, but he still celebrated the survival of his most beloved. He could never call Ciel his lover, but at least he knew he was alive and able to love someone in this world.

Gathering him in a tight hug, Spears smiled as he softly whispered. "Goodbye, Ciel."

* * *

"Are you ready?" The thunderous alarms of fire trucks, monotonous car horns and bustling city pedestrians filled the air with an energy unknown to Ciel; with his life constantly consumed by his seemingly impending death, he had ignored the crackling energy of the world surrounding him.

Vanessa's fluid voice slipped into his ear as she held him in her arms; two friends holding on to a fleeting moment before the rest of eternity began. His parents were waiting with Sebastian in a gleaming black limousine parked across the busy street, it was time for Ciel to go.

"Ready for what?" He asked, dazzled by the shimmer of her hair in the glowing sunlight. Why had he never noticed this before?

"Are you ready," planting a loving kiss on his cheek, "to live?" She sniffed, biting back her tears.

Ciel nodded, returning the kiss with one of his own. "Yes, yes I am."

* * *

Two weeks had passed since Ciel's homecoming, two long and rain soaked weeks filled with visits from his family and friends. The month of April nearly drowned the city in rainstorms, in contrast, Ciel never felt more at peace.

At first he welcomed the constant company, pleased with the warmth and affection showered upon him. However; his want for a return to a normal life outweighed his initial neediness and he made it finally clear that everyone was to go back to their thankfully mundane everyday lives. Ciel felt as if he had imposed a 10 year prison sentence to his parents and it was time to set them free.

"You too." He informed Sebastian on a lazy Sunday morning during breakfast. His boyfriend had spent the night at Ciel's apartment, an almost daily occurrence. "I want you back in the dance studio where you belong!"

Setting his cup of tea down, Sebastian pursed his lips and nodded. "Yes, quite right." He agreed, picking up his cup and taking a sip. "I shall return first thing in the morning," sitting back in his chair, he crossed his arms and smiled. "On one condition."

"Oh? And what's that?" Ciel asked.

"You move in with me." He grinned.

"Wha-excuse me?" Ciel stammered, nearly knocking over his own cup. "Where did this come from?" He said quietly looking away.

"From my heart." Sebastian slid his hand across the table and tugged at Ciel's arm, beckoning him to face him. "Listen, it only makes sense. There's loads of room, I own the flat so you needn't pay rent-"

"You remember I don't have a problem with money, right?" Ciel interrupted in a clipped tone, still not meeting his eyes.

"That's not what I meant!" Sebastian stood up and pulled Ciel towards him with such force that the young man stumbled clumsily into his arms with a yelp.

"Sebastian! What the hell!" He scowled.

"You want a normal life? You want to be some average everyday bloke?" Holding the still painfully thin young man in his arms stirred up a long slumbering want deep inside of Sebastian. He could feel his insides tremble from their close contact. "The reality is between my work schedule and your schooling, we will most likely see each other once a week and forgive me, love, but I will not accept that."

"It's too soon." Ciel buried his face in Sebastian's chest and inhaled deeply feeling the tips of his ears burn. "I'm still recuperating and moving is from on apartment to another in the city is a huge process-"

"I'll pack you off to your parents for the weekend while I commandeer a moving company to handle everything." He caught Ciel's chin with his fingers and lifted his face up to his. "I moved from one continent to another, I believe I am capable of a few city blocks."

Ciel sighed, encircling his arms around Sebastian's neck. "It's not that I don't want to. It's just that I'm still settling in and getting used to the idea of . . . living." The heat from Sebastian's body was comforting, there was life everywhere he turned and the feeling of being so close to the dark haired man awakened sensations within himself that he had long forgotten. "I'd like to wait until the beginning of the summer, and then you can do whatever you want."

Sebastian hugged Ciel tightly, "Fair enough." He whispered. "We have the time, no need to rush."

And so the weeks went by like a flowing stream, serene and unencumbered by the tribulations of the past. A sense of normalcy wove its way into the lives of those who had traveled alongside with Ciel on his perilous journey. For the former patient, it was a blessing to recount the day as devoid of any drama or excitement; he was content to being eased back into the land of the living with delicacy.

Sebastian had resumed his position in his dance company and trained several performers for major Broadway shows while Claude took over the competition department. Alois entered a summer Master's program at NYU and by the end of June the unlikely pair moved into a spacious loft on Central Park West. At long last their own tragic pasts had led then to a present filled with happiness leading then towards a future filled with love.

* * *

The dog days of summer tumbled and heaved against the piping hot concrete streets of New York City. Sweltering temperatures kept most of the city inhabitants holed up with their air conditioners on full blast or away on vacation. Ciel opted for settling under cool cotton sheets and the central air turned up. True to his word, Sebastian had moved his lover into his huge apartment at the beginning of July without one ounce of trouble. To his relief, Ciel had not lifted a single finger to pack or move anything.

The rustling of sheets and creaking of the bed informed him that Sebastian was waking up.

Stretching his arms above his head, the sounds of popping bones made the young man wince. "Ugh, I sound like an old man." He croaked, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. Peering to his side, his eyes took in the beautiful sight of Sebastian's sleeping pose; one arm tucked under his head as he lay on his back with the other arm resting across his stomach.

How long has it been? He wondered. The last time they had been intimate was before Sebastian broke up with him. He had been warned by numerous doctors that his sex drive would take some time to resume its normal intensity due to the chemotherapy and his hospitalization. Ciel knew this was a fact, but the gnawing fear of appearing weak and ugly, being exposed and open to Sebastian plagued the former patient's mind.

What if I disgust him? He thought sadly, covering his head with the bright white sheets.

Sebastian had made no advances towards him except to hold him securely in his arms every night, showering him with kisses and loving words. At that moment, with the early morning light just peeking through the Roman blinds, the muffled sounds of city life and the smell of lavender, musk and clean cotton, Ciel felt a stirring below he hadn't had in months.

"Sebastian?" He spoke lowly, poking his shoulder with his fingers. "Wake up!"

"Hm? Wha-?" A sliver of red appeared through a cracked eyelid. "Bloody hell, what time is it?" He cursed sluggishly yawning. "You alight, love?" Perching himself on his knees next to Sebastian, Ciel looked down at the handsome man.

"Make love to me." He demanded.

Sebastian's eyes popped open, "Come again?"

"I-I want you." Ciel twisted the hem of his undershirt, nervously nibbling on his lower lip. "It's been a really long time and, well, I-I'm ready."

Throwing a quick prayer of thanks to the heavens above and every deity known to mankind, Sebastian whipped off the covers and sat up. "We need lube!" He announced before bounding off the bed and scurrying to the bathroom. "Lots and lots of lube!"

"This isn't exactly romantic!" Ciel grumbled, removing his shirt and underwear. "At least hide some of that freaking enthusiasm!" Sebastian returned holding a small bottle in his hand, waving it at the young man before placing it on the nightstand.

"Sorry, love." He chuckled, already shirtless and becoming bottomless. "I've waited well over seven months to pillage that delectable body of yours. Forgive me if I act a bit houndish."A hot blush painted itself bright red from Ciel's neck all the way up his face to his ears.

"I-Idiot!" He muttered.

A small pile of their underwear and bed clothes lay strewn on the floor along with the covers Sebastian had tossed off the bed. His garnet eyes scanned the lithe form laying before him; alabaster pale and smooth to the touch. It was reminiscent to their first coupling so many months back; the anxiousness and expectations were just as intense. Ciel covered his bare chest with his arms demurely averting Sebastian's gaze.

"I-I know I look different from before." His voice was hoarse and on the edge of tears. "Please, don't stare so much!"

"Easy there." Sebastian soothed, his long lean torso hovering over the shame faced student. His arms flanked Ciel's shoulders as he pressed his want against him. "Can you feel how much you turn me on?" His voice cut through the silent air; husky and deep.

Ciel sucked in a sharp breath, arching his back as white hot pleasure coursed through his body. The rigid member, already slick with precum and lubrication, rubbed steadily against his own awakening need.

"Do you remember the first time we made love?" Sebastian lowered himself like a blanket covering the shivering body. "Do you remember how nervous you were?"

Ciel nodded his head. "I remember." He breathed, uncurling his arms and wrapping them around Sebastian's waist. "I was more scared than anything else."

"This here," brushing his lips against a rose petal nipple, the older male grazed his teeth against the hardened nub before rolling his eyes up to Ciel's flushed face. "Is when I make you completely mine again."

"Sebastian!" Ciel moaned, grinding his throbbing cock up; desperate to feel some friction. His body had ached for his boyfriends touch; hungered for the emptiness to be filled by the only man who had ever entered him and taken his innocence. The wounds of self-doubt remained slightly open, but they stung far less as every second passed being shrouded by the glistening heat of Sebastian.

A long cat like tongue glided from the hollow of Ciel's neck to the tip of his chin; a playful nibble beckoned for his mouth to open and allow Sebastian to plant a deep kiss upon him. They tasted one another, tilting their heads to deepen their suckling and feed their growing appetite. The sounds of smacking lips urged them on and Ciel dug his fingers into Sebastian's back pulling him closer. Tearing his mouth away, they gasped for air, their chests heaving from the passionate exchange.

"I need you inside of me!" He whined, a fine sheen of sweat covering his face and body. "Please!" He pleaded, spreading his thighs wider. "I'm ready!"

"My eager boy." Sebastian crowed, pleased by the neediness in Ciel's voice. He took to feasting on the young man's swan like neck, sucking the sensitive skin and biting along the collarbone earning a symphony of delightful sounds from Ciel.

His large hands explored the healing form beneath him, becoming reacquainted with the lovely landscape. The silken skin felt hot against his touch and it trembled every time his fingers traced the side of his pelvis or when he would slide his hardness against Ciel's own need. Sebastian gave one more final suck to Ciel's neck and sat up, his hands resting against the slender thighs keeping them spread apart. The beauty of his beloved boy lay before him, open and willing.

"You are by far the most beautiful thing I have ever seen." Sebastian spoke softly, awed by the graceful curve of Ciel's creamy thighs and the slight ripple of muscle along his abdomen. He was completely hairless from the aftermath of the chemotherapy even though his crown now bore a head full of slate locks. Sebastian smirked, it made Ciel look even younger, more innocent, vulnerable.

"You're leering at me." He panted, his hand having found purchase on his own cock; body twisting from stroking the aching flesh. "I can't take this! I'm begging you, please!" Sapphire orbs bright with unshed tears soundlessly surrendered themselves to Sebastian. Stealthy fingers trailed between Ciel's legs and cupped his taut sac, gently kneading the satin flesh. It was all he could do from screaming, an urgent almost animalistic need to be filled was overwhelming his system, the loneliness of being so close, yet kept so apart from Sebastian had created a void deep inside of his very being. A sharp pain suddenly shot through his lower back causing him to cry out in surprise.

"Easy there." Sebastian soothed, caressing Ciel's inner thigh with his free hand. "If I don't stretch you, the pain will be worse." The young man had no response except for a slight nod, closing his eyes as he concentrated on relaxing. The pleasure, he knew, would soon be well worth it.

He could feel the fingers probing his insides, stroking the walls of his caverns in search for the treasure he possessed. They scissored and prodded, forcing the muscles to relax and stretch in order to accommodate Sebastian's girth. Ciel clenched his teeth as a third finger pushed through, joining the other two all the way to the knuckles. He took a deep breath and gasped as his vision burned white and an unimaginable surge of complete euphoria exploded throughout his body.

"Yes, fuck!" He cried out, nails biting into Sebastian's shoulders. "More!" Ciel begged, grinding his hips down against the impaling digits that deftly brushed over the bundle of nerves and made him moan in ecstasy. His body responded violently to the soft touches as if feeling them for the first time.

Sebastian hummed in approval at the strong reactions. "See? Your body is perfect." He murmured lightly into Ciel's ear. "It knows how to feel good and accept affection." A low whine was given at the heated words and the man nuzzled the crook of the small neck. "It remembers me." He whispered, pulling his fingers out with a low pop and grabbing his own dripping length.

Ciel hissed at the loss of stimulation, looking up to lock eyes with his lover. Sebastian positioned the blushing head against the wet entrance, refusing to look away. As with their first coupling, crimson held blue as their bodies became one and the both groaned with satisfaction as they fit together once more. Ciel gasped at the feeling of being filled fully by the man he loved and pressed himself closer to the larger form.

"Ah-ha, Sebastian." He squeaked, hearing the heavy pants of restraint against his neck. Sebastian shivered as he fought the urge to move; shifting his weight slightly and settling between Ciel's legs.

"Let me know," he managed to get out. "When I can move." Ciel whimpered and nodded to signal he was ready. "OK, I'll go slow." Sebastian breathed, gently easing his hips back before pushing in again. "So, good." He whispered, growling in delight at the tight heat surrounding him. "Damn."

Soft breaths and low groans filled the room, two beings moving as one in a sensuous dance. Ciel's body bowed into each thrust as Sebastian worshipped the precious body he held tightly in his arms. Sweat mingled and skin collided gently while love was exchanged with motions and sweet words as neither seemed to want to move forward in their actions. They were lost in the moment; the now that was just the two of them and the utopia they found in the loving hold.

"You-ah, can go faster." Ciel breathed, as the pressure continued to build within him. "I w-won't break." He reassured, head flinging back against the pillow as Sebastian took the invitation in earnest. "Yes! I-ah, I want to f-feel you!" He cried out lewdly.

He wanted Sebastian to touch the deepest part of him; to meld together and neither knew where one ended or one began. This was Ciel's safe haven, here in Sebastian's arms and this was where he wanted to stay. The thought spurred him on and he met each thrust head on with his hips, trying to close out any more space that could possibly separate them.

"I'mmmnnnaah close!" Ciel alerted, Sebastian trying not to climax at the beautiful sounds his lover was letting out. He leaned down and captured the panting pink lips with his own, driving hard and fast into the small body, pouring all his feeling into bringing them both to the edge of bliss.

Ciel came with a muffled cry, the sound swallowed by Sebastian's mouth who in turn released himself deep within the sacred temple that only he knew. Passionate kisses continued as they rode out their orgasms, their need to touch one another lasting far longer than the brief flash of pleasure they had just experienced.

Hot breaths turned into soft whispers upon damp skin as they lay there just enjoying the presence of the other. They were together and that was all that mattered; for in each other's arms they had found hope and love; they had found home.

* * *

Sebastian watched the reddish hues of the setting sun turn purplish blue against a twinkling city skyline. Dusk was his favorite time, it reminded him of walking home from the park with his father enjoying the glowing orange lights of townhouse windows as families gathered for supper. It bade him to recall better moments in his life, like the ones he was creating right now with Ciel who lay cradled in his arms while they sat on the floor of their living room.

Wrapped together in a large velour throw, the floor to ceiling windows framed in long black curtains gave them a breathtaking view of Manhattan; the hustle and bustle of the city they loved to call home.

"I've got something special for you." Ciel whispered, lifting his head from Sebastian's shoulders. "Would you like to have it now?"

"Blimey, Ciel! You want to go another round already?!" He teased.

"No!" Ciel snapped, shoving a small box in Sebastian's face. "This! I got you this you idiot!"

"Oh!" Sebastian chuckled taking the simple blue box. "I got a bit excited there, eh?"

"Horny bastard." Ciel muttered.

"True, True." He shrugged, glancing at Ciel he tapped the box with his finger tip. "What's the occasion?" He asked.

Ciel blushed, looking away. "Just open it." Sebastian gave him a quizzical look and proceeded to remove the lid.

There, lying securely on a white cotton cloth was a gleaming silver pocket watch. The exquisite timepiece was meticulously etched with an elaborate crest on its cover. A long silver chain was attached to it.

"It's . . . it's beautiful" Sebastian whispered, carefully lifting the watch from the box. "What crest is this?"

"It's my family crest." Ciel touched Sebastian's hand, drawing his attention away from the gift. "You are my family, Sebastian. An important part of my life." He could feel the man shiver from his touch, the cool metal of the watch pressed against the Englishman's chest. "This is our time now, our life, together."

"Thank you." Sebastian's voice hitched, countless emotions seizing him at once battling for the right words to prove his gratitude towards the slate haired man before him. "Thank you for this second chance, for forgiving me and for this," he held up the watch. "You've done more for me than I ever deserved." He admitted sadly.

Ciel shook his head. "I was out of my mind when I smashed that watch." He sighed, resting his chin on Sebastian's shoulder, "and I've felt terrible about it ever since."

Sebastian knitted his brows. "I was a complete arsehole to you that night!" Ciel waved him off.

"Forget it!" He replied, hurriedly turning the watch over in his hand. "Look, I even had it engraved!" Across the brushed metal surface, in an old Victorian cursive, was a quoted phrase.

"Where there is love, there is life." Sebastian read aloud. "How prolific." He hummed, placing a kiss upon Ciel's crown. "Since when are you the sentimental sort?"

"Since you walked in and out and then back into my life." Ciel snorted.

"Cheeky brat." He growled, stealing a quick kiss from his pouting love. "Do you realize I was never able to appropriately give you your birthday and Christmas gift?"

Ciel rolled his eyes. "Hmph, I wonder why . . . "

Sebastian threw up his hands. "Christ kill me, quit nattering and let me finish!" He cried.

"Fine, fine, go on!" He pouted.

"I purchased a small trinket, a cute bauble for you and I'd like to give it to you now." Reaching behind him, Sebastian dug his hand into a small bag that had been hidden by the side of the couch.

"Is it a sex thing?" Ciel grumbled, his face stern and annoyed. "Cuz I swear to God, Sebastian, I think you broke me back there. Seriously it wasn't gentle towards the end at all!"

"Cor Blimey!" Sebastian slapped a hand over Ciel's mouth, snickering at the muffled words and wide eyed expression. "Just belt up and close your eyes!" He ordered, slowly lowering his hand and smiling at the scrunched up face.

"Alright!" Ciel relented, promptly shutting his eyes. The young student felt his hand being held and suddenly a cold object was slipped onto his ring finger that made his heart stop for a second.

I-is this, possible? He thought frantically.

"Open your eyes." Came the gentle voice through the darkness.

He did as he was told, one lid lifting and then another, slowly, first taking in the handsome face full of hope and adoration and as his eyes worked their way down to his left hand a breath hitched in his throat. Encircling his diminutive finger was a thin silver ring, a lone emerald cut sapphire embedded within the metal.

"Wha-what is this?" He whispered, too fearful to assume the unbelievable. "What does this mean?" Sebastian slid his arm around Ciel's waist and pulled him closer, he pressed his lips against Ciel's knuckles and looked at the ring.

"Will you let me make your heart my permanent home?" His quivering voice gave away the anxiety built up inside the normally over confidant man. "Will you entrust me with your life, allow me to place mine in your hands? Will you see me to the end of my days and willingly spend the rest of your life by my side? Will you be open to creating a family with me, making memories and passing everything we know and understand to a future generation of our own. Will you, would you please, please," his thumb tenderly caressed the ring." Marry me?"

You.

Me.

Forever.

"Yes!" Ciel flung his arms around Sebastian's neck, holding him tightly, their hearts beating in unison, wild and joyous. "Yes to everything and anything! If it's you then yes!"

"My Ciel." He whispered. The heaven he had sought, his miracle, the tower was empty no more. "I love you."

"I love you too." Ciel smiled, life and happiness wrapped in his arms. "My Sebastian."

* * *

_**A/N And thus I end my first FanFiction.** _

_**This is very bittersweet because on one hand I get to look back and be amazed by the amount of work I created and the incredible people I've befriended throughout this process. On the other hand, I am saddened by the fact that my story is "all grown up" and I must let it go.** _

_**I want to thank the many readers who took their time to enjoy my story and were gracious enough to review my work. I've learned so much from you all and your influence was indeed wide reaching. I never had much confidence in my writing but the overwhelming feedback motivated me to work harder and write more. Thank you.** _

_**There are some special readers who've been included in the story because of the connections they've made in my heart, you know who you are and I thank you for you're support and for putting a smile on my face.** _

_**Last but not least, of course there is AnimeCujo.** _

_**We started out as two writers who could only call New York City as our one commonality; almost a year later I call you my dear friend. There would have been no SMTB without you. Because of you I learned to become a better writer and because of you the loneliness from being "different" and "odd" has slowly gone away. You are a brilliant artist who has touched the very souls of countless readers with your raw truth and empathy. Thank you for editing, advising, suggesting new ideas, staying up late to teach me how to write smut, moonshine cherries, friendship, and laughter.** _

_**I adore you, my beautiful Bitter Rabbit.** _

_**I hope you all enjoy the soon to be epilogue which will soon be posted. This is only the beginning of my fan fiction career, there is another story in the works so please be on the look out for it!** _

_**Oh, and on one final note...** _

_**FUCK CANCER** _

 


	40. Chapter 40

_**Just Breathe** _

_Yes, I understand that every life must end, uh-huh_

_As we sit alone, I know someday we must go, uh-huh_

_Oh I'm a lucky man, to count on both hands the ones I love_

_Some folks just have one, yeah, others, they've got none_

_Stay with me..._

_Let's just breathe..._

_Stay with me_

_You're all I see..._

_Did I say that I need you?_

_Did I say that I want you?_

_Oh, if I didn't I'm a fool you see_

_No one knows this more than me_

_As I come clean..._

_I wonder everyday, as I look upon your face, uh-huh_

_Everything you gave_

_And nothing you would save, oh no_

_Nothing you would take_

_Everything you gave..._

_Did I say that I need you?_

_Oh, did I say that I want you?_

_Oh, if I didn't I'm a fool you see_

_No one knows this more than me_

_And I come clean, ah..._

_Nothing you would take_

_Everything you gave_

_Hold me til I die_

_Meet you on the other side..._

_-Pearl Jam_

**Epilogue**

The smell of heather picked up by a light breeze slipped across the hilltop of Nunhead cemetery in Linden Grove, South London. Tall marble grey headstones lined the fields; an emerald forest loomed in the background against wrought iron gates. It was a mournful marriage of Victorian beauty and somber death, hand in hand bringing grace to the end of times.

Sebastian stood over a freshly covered grave, his long black coat matching the aura of grief draped over his shadowy frame. Claude and Mina flanked him, their own sorrow clearly worn on their faces. The bright blue skies did nothing to lift their doleful spirits as they held on to each other, weeping silently over their loss. Lizzie walked up the small hill behind them in her own dark attire and situated herself next to Mina.

In her arms she held a sleepy three year old girl, her drooping blue eyes almost hidden by the mass of long raven black hair spilling like an indigo waterfall over her ivory toned face. The child was slight in form, her heart shaped face and rosy lips giving her an almost angelic appearance. She too wore black.

"Pop!" She whined loudly, rubbing her eyes with her tiny fists. "Wanna see daddy!" She squirmed in Lizzie's arms as she reached out for Sebastian.

"Daddy isn't here, Lily." A lone tear trickled down the red eyed male's face. He turned to look at his tiny child. "Are you tired, little one?"

"Come stay with auntie." Lizzie sniffed, brushing the child's bangs away from her dark blue eyes. "Pop needs to say goodbye." Mina began to weep softly, leaning against Claude while she clutched her brother's hand.

"I wanna see daddy!" Lily whimpered, twirling one of Lizzie's curls in her small fingers.

"She's overtired." Claude murmured, looking back to see a stone faced Alois carrying a small white stuffed rabbit with a missing button eye. "Here look, Lily!" He placed a large hand upon her head and offered a gentle smile. "Uncle Al has your Bitter Rabbit."

Mina wiped her nose with a tissue. "It was a lovely service." She rasped, "Couldn't ask for better." They all hummed their agreement as Alois held his arms out to the now giggling cherub who gladly grabbed her precious toy and sighed happily as the blonde man cradled her in his arms.

"Where's my daddy?" She asked once again, nuzzling the worn stuffed animal. Alois shook his head.

"He's not here, baby doll." Sky blue eyes took in the site of the upturned earth, wincing at the dull throb in his chest.

The small group watched the leaves of the trees sway and rustle from the mischievous wind, their hearts aching. The cawing of ravens in the distance punctuated the somber air as Alois rocked the exhausted child in his arms.

"Lily Rose." Sebastian called in a strained voice, turning to Alois with open arms. "Pop will hold you. Come here, love."

A wide smile lighted her face, flinging her spritely form into the arms of her giant of a father. He held her snuggly, stroking her soft hair and placing a kiss in her forehead.

You have his eyes, he thought, those beautiful ocean eyes.

The crackling sounds of footsteps against dried leaves behind him caught his attention.

"Is she fussing? I just got Mykhal to calm down." Sebastian turned and offered an apologetic smile.

"You're the only one who can make that little demon behave." He chuckled. "However, Lily is in desperate need of a nap."

Cloaked in a long deep navy trench coat, Ciel stood on the hill, a three year old boy sleeping soundly in his embrace. Lily's twin, Mykhal Vincent, had missed his nap time and in return, thrown a riotous tantrum 20 minutes earlier. Ciel knew their son well enough to take him for a drive around the cemetery until he was lulled to sleep.

Looking down at his child, he nuzzled the crown of cerulium black hair and held him closer. The boy was not as pale as his sister, but just as slight with the same slender form. They shared a similar hair color, but while Lily charmed the world with her porcelain doll features and endless blue eyes, Mykhal awed the rest with his scarlet eyes and olive toned skin. A darker version of Sebastian, their son was mischievous and charismatic while their daughter tended to being quiet and reserved.

The marriage of Sebastian and Ciel had been celebrated five years earlier on the grounds of the Phantomhive manor. Well over 300 friends and family attended the wildly fun feast and between Sebastian's relatives from England and Ireland and Alois's antics, the party was quite a rambunctious show.

Two years later the couple made the grand decision to hire a pair of surrogate mothers to carry their much wished for children. They both desired a family of their own and had discussed starting one as soon as possible.

Their plan was to have "twins". One mother would carry Sebastian's baby while the other carried Ciel's, in truth, Lily was born a month before her brother so although they weren't twins nor blood related, in the end it didn't matter. They were a family the moment they gazed in wonderment at the sonograms five months into the pregnancies.

"Our babies." Ciel had whispered, touching the printed photograph, the outline of their tiny bodies clearly visible.

"Amazing!" Sebastian agreed.

The ups and downs of parenthood had brought joy and fulfillment for the young parents. Every day was a new lesson, a new adventure and a chance to experience life to the fullest and no one understood that better than Ciel. Yet even with both men holding their beloved children in their arms, the mournful pull of grief still hung heavy in their hearts. As Sebastian looked back at the headstone he felt his stomach turn while reading the etching: Lilith Wolfe Michaelis.

The cherished mother and grandmother had finally succumbed to congenital heart disease. For years she had kept her illness a secret, hell bent on keeping her children from worrying and stressing over her condition. As such, her death struck a painful blow to the close knit family, leaving Mina, Sebastian and Claude devastated. Ciel too felt his heart break not just for Sebastian and his family, but for himself and their children. Lilith had been overjoyed in finally having grandchildren and a beautiful son-in-law and for the short amount of time they had all been together, she fervently doted on them.

Ciel watched Alois loop his arm around Claude's waist, offering some comfort as they stood over the grave. He marveled at their ongoing and strong relationship, although they had refused the idea of marriage and children they were still as in love and devoted to one another as the day they first met. While Claude continued his successful work with Sebastian at The Danse Macabre studio, Alois had started up his own small photography studio in Westchester County. He worked when he wanted, making up his schedule along the way. The free spirited man with the sun kissed hair enjoyed the freedom of life with the security of a solid relationship.

"Bass, take the little 'ums back to the flat." Mina spoke lowly, her eyes hidden behind large sunglasses. She had cried herself to sleep every night since the passing of her mother. "They need to sleep, poor babies."

Sebastian nodded. "So do you, Minnie." His hand cupped the side of her face; the dampness of tears chilling his fingers. "Mum would be boxing your ears right now if she caught you this way."

"Mum would skin you if she saw how you're keeping Lily and Micky from their naps." Claude grumbled. He favored his niece and nephew above all things in his world, perhaps a bit more than even Alois at times. "It's time we headed home."

Ciel shifted his son in his arms. "Lizzie can take her, Sebastian." He offered, giving his cousin a knowing look. "If you need more time, you can stay. We can take the kids back."

"No, it's fine." The tall male assured his husband. "Claude is correct, it's time."

Lizzie slipped her hand into Mina's. "Will you please lie down and sleep when we get home?" She pleaded, her emerald eyes filling with worry.

London had become the young woman's permanent home since the day she began an internship with the fashion house, Burberry. For five years she shared an upscale flat in central London with Mina, working diligently to become a staff designer while her friend studied and played with the London Philharmonic. They shared triumphs and failures, good times and bad; two successful young ladies bound by family ties and loyalty.

Mina sighed deeply. "Blimey, fine, I'll take a snooze." She began her descent down the hill towards the cars with Lizzie right beside her.

Claude pulled Alois closer to him. "Did you find the photo box mum had in her closet?" He asked.

"Yep! I'll scan every picture and restore the older ones then I can build a nice memory album for you guys." Alois smiled.

"Excellent." Claude hummed. "That means a lot, thank you." He leaned down and kissed his bright eyed lover.

A barely audible snore drew Sebastian's attention to the sleeping toddler in his arms. "Ah, Lily's fallen asleep." Stepping towards Ciel, hand seeking purchase atop their son's head. "I was thinking before how much Lily fancies after your looks." He grinned, ruffling the silky dark hair.

"Stop! You'll wake him!" Ciel scolded, waving his hand away. Studying the bundle slumbering in his arms, he smiled indulgently. "Yeah, I can see how she looks like me; however," Ciel gave Sebastian a playful wink "this monster here is all you!" Sebastian nodded and laughed, It was true, Mykhal not only bore an uncanny resemblance to the Englishman with his red cat like eyes and fine angled face, he also had a habit of saying whatever first popped up in his mind.

"But he has my father's coloring." He mused, caressing his son's smooth cheek with his fingertips. "I'm just simply amazed that this is our family." The pair stared at each other, each holding a precious being born from their blood, tangible evidence of their faith and love for each other.

A year after Ciel had left the hospital and his battle with cancer; he had noticed a change in his eyesight. Countless visits to various eye specialists uncovered a devastating truth; the aggressive chemotherapy had caused permanent damage to his left eye. Within a couple of months Ciel had gone blind in his left eye.

Unable to properly focus and concentrate on details in photography due to the risk of straining his remaining sighted eye, he gave up on a career in photography. However, having faced death, Ciel understood that as one door closes another one opens and he became the head chairperson of his mother's cancer research foundation. It afforded him the opportunity to give back to his community of fellow survivors and patients, plus remain a stay at home parent.

Dr. Spears had become a co-chair of the foundation, helping Ciel keep up to date with the latest research and statistical information and allowing them to remain close friends. The oncologist had been fortunate enough to have hit it off with the handsome intern, Ronald Knox thanks to the match making efforts of Dr. Kadar.

It had been a shock for Spears to realize that he had met Knox at the Phantomhive holiday cancer benefit gala where the young man had flirted with him. It turned out, to Spears's delight, that the intern was unbelievably bright, amiable, sophisticated and best of all, just as annoyed and disgusted with Grell as he was. Five years later the couple remained steadfast in their loving coupling, living and enjoying life together.

Life would go on, regardless of heartache and loss.

"Lilith was so happy with them." Ciel said quietly, glancing at her grave. "I'm glad we had them before she passed."

"I agree." Sebastian tilted his head and smiled. "What is the saying? It's not the quantity of time spent, but the quality that matters?"

"Yes," Ciel agreed. "So let's take the time we have now and continue to make it count."

"Yes, let's do that." Sebastian whispered in Ciel's ear, his husky voice sending a delightful shiver up the young man's spine. "I want to feel alive with you as soon as possible."

Ciel felt his cheeks burn. "I-idiot!" He stammered. "Let's get them home. Their naps don't last that long."

Red eyes gleamed with mischief and a knowing grin spread over Sebastian's face as he whispered, "As you wish my lord."

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Beautiful Boy](https://archiveofourown.org/works/1754987) by [AnimeCujo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnimeCujo/pseuds/AnimeCujo)




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